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Archive for the ‘MEDICAL ADVOCACY’ Category

What are you DOING when NO ONE is looking???


Disclaimers: While this blog is both a combination personal blog, as well as to achieve some activism type of goals, when it comes to medical, mental health and public safety, I will ALWAYS implore people, when in crisis, to seek clinically trained professional help if they are or they suspect someone else is in crisis, immediately and or call 911 (because 1/2 my readers are outside of the U.S./North America, and/or Emergency Services in one’s country of residence). Thanks.

OR, may I ask, with NO expection of an answer to me, what are you actually THINKING, when NO ONE else is looking?

Because it matters.


In my case,  and it will be also a topic for another blog, as far as it applies to social media and my loathing and fear of social media.

In my case, what I do and what I think, is usually done in the privacy of my own home.

My blogs from the last month, whether they talked about people in crisis of all different types, where most of my blogs were concentrated on those who’s thinking and actions, lead to fatalities, in innocent others.

Also a few of my blogs of last month, were in regards to Superbowl 52, which was exactly a month ago, that occured 4 1/2 blocks from where I live.

It feels like both yesterday and 100 years ago, that Superbowl 52, took place, which I didn’t care for, because I was afraid of something bad happening and I don’t like being in the spotlight in any way or any kind of attention, which meant for the 2 weeks around Superbowl Sunday, I became super reclusive, even for me, in the era of smartphone cameras, as well as global networks being in my neighborhood.

As well as the tragic massacre in Parkland, Florida that happened, 10 days later.

Unfortunately, but so gratefully, I’m lucky that if I don’t feel well, I don’t have to do anything.

And when I feel my worst medically and mentally, not only do I have to not  do anything, just try to deal with my medical and emotional pain, I don’t do anything else, even though that my medical and mental emotional pain is only a hindrance to myself, even though I usually respond to various help queries, everyday.

I realize that most people, don’t have the luxury of both time and privacy, that I have.

The last major BEST decision though, I made for myself, is to disengage, as much as possible,  from social media.

Without quitting it completely.

And in my case, I’ve never felt that I’m in competition with ANYONE, which I think social media drives.

But in my case, social media, for how I used it, would be a really bad and sad reminder of my failures compared to my FORMER self, which is the only competition I put on myself and fail miserably,  of how functional and productive I used to be, prior to the last 11-12 years of my life, which is now a quarter of my life, now that I’m 48 years old.

Most people, the few of them that I encounter, are  kind of surprised of what I’ve chosen to do with this little life that I have.

Lots of times, I don’t feel well enough to go anywhere or do much, but possess a strange skill set and a desire to help people in medical and/or mental health crisis (with the urging they have to be under the care of clinically trained professionals, which I’m not) and that I’m kinda good at it, with obvious boundaries for myself and others, for what I’m willing and capable of doing, in the areas I do activism for, and where I help people when they email me for help.

It takes a lot of unnecessary pressure off, when people focus to do things, with an absence of social media, either to NOT  be motivated by it, in attempts to NOT  be an influencer and to NOTto have it as a default distraction.

Even if someone makes a living off of social media, no one needs to make their complete lives on it.

When I tell other clinical professionals who I don’t know, in the medical and/or mental health realm what I do or ask what I can do better when I run across them, in my advocacy, I do find that most of the time, my inability to be influenced by social media and/or let anyone influence me, in any way, that what I don’t do or do and/or what I do say and or don’t say, is driven soley by myself, they find the most challenging thing in dealing with me.

WHY, though???

I’m hardly an admirable person, by any account.

I’m not looking to be, nor am I someone to be looked up to.

But I’m not someone to be feared, either.

I know how my disabilities can be of a negative effect on me and/or when provoked, makes me mean to others, which is all I’m capable of.

I’ve made some AWFUL decisions, which I still can do stupid things on occasion but am honest, but I also I make a lot of good ones, in hoping to do the right thing.

When NO ONE is looking.

I don’t understand though, as I don’t judge others who find that the various social media platforms, DO  have a strong influence on how they conduct their lives.

It just DOES NOT for me.

It can’t.

I came into having medical, mental health and cognitive defects by various complex organic, circumstancial and environmental reasons.

I don’t need and it would be a disaster for me and I do believe it does hinder other’s health and wellbeing, being so emotionally, mentally and cognitively dependent on all the things that go along with having a social media and technology driven society, now a days.

It’s not like we can go back in time and change the technologies outcomes both good and bad.

But it’s not too late, to make more of what’s on social media, that does a greater good for people, that doesn’t effect desired financial outcomes, which not all of it is bad, other than the intentional addiction seeking behavior of some technical products and services.

But these are the following the questions, that people have to ask themselves, given the fact that even people, who have done so much good in their lives, are ending their lives and others lives, both intentionally and maliciously or not,  or they interfere in multiple ways, for others right to the sanctity of life, with peace of mind, in the worst ways possible.

So here it goes:

What are you doing and thinking, that could be hurtful to oneself or others, that might have a foundation in a social media driven society and what can you do, to make it less harmful for yourselves and other people?

Can you ask for genuine help and get it, from clinical medical health and mental professionals, as well as families and/or peers when in distress or crisis?

And if you can’t or choose NOT to get any kind of help, how does that adversely and/or can you positively change the outcome of your own thought processes so it doesn’t lead to negative action on oneself or another, all the time, some of the time and on rare occasions?

Asking and knowing why, it makes the difference of why it matters, of the dependence in thinking of others knowing what you say, do and what you look like when you do them, due to our social media driven society and knowing what’s good about it and what is even unintentionally harmful to self or others, in this day and age.

There is NO ego with this blog.

I’m the first one to admit, I have way more questions than valid helpful answers, in trying to help those in crisis, not hurt themselves or others.

All I’m trying to do with my own disabilities, bad choices and my own flaws and as well as the few strengths that I have, is to help myself and to help others, in things that matter the most, in what I’m able to so little but try to contribute somehow, positively.

No one has to answer the above questions out loud, to me or another, unless someone is a danger to themselves or others, which will require acute professional help.

But the questions asked above are worthy of asking yourself and evaluating, of how, what, where and why, you think of  yourself and others, when they’re not looking, in good ways and bad.

Or the when and why, you’re actually driven to make or want  them to look at what you’re doing and saying and how you look, when you’re doing that.

Note: I’m all for constructive feedback, which can be a difference of opinion, as long as it’s shared respectfully. Thanks!!!


absence of malice…


Disclaimer: Even though this is a personal blog versus a blog doing activism, not knowing the mental state of my readers, and due to the serious nature of what I’m about to discuss, I will always urge those in crisis and/or if someone suspects another that might be in medical/mental health crisis and capable of doing harm to themselves or another, to seek immediate treatment from a clinically trained professional, right away and/or contact 911, immediately.

I didn’t want to write another blog, right now .

I’m NOT okay.

I hate to say and actually resent that I have to say, when saying I’m not okay, that I’m not capable of hurting myself and/or another and/or other’s property.

BUT, I have to say that.

Because, I have diagnosed mental health issues.

And while I feel that we live in a society that people scare me, that I have very little hope, I’m actually TERRIFIED that because I have mental health issues that are diagnosed, that is enough for people not to trust for me, to NOT act in a manner that is harmful to another.

Even though there’s plenty of people who know me well enough to know, that I’m NOT capable of hurting another human being, let alone I’m fully aware of my issues and would never want, nor am I capable of hurting another human being.

But for some reason, I fear that’s not enough. Not because I distrust my own behavior, but because I fear the labeling of my diagnoses.

But truthfully, this isn’t about my diagnoses, medical and/or mental health.

It’s about others, as I’m fully aware of the consequences of my own issues.

I don’t like living a life that’s devoid of hope.

I hate that I live such a small life but that no only is it so small, but that I fear other people.

I can’t stand that the fact I don’t have more hope in other human beings.

Even though that I know that there are truly good people in this world.

But I loathe that we live in a society that whether people lie in wait to kill innocent others, or due to an equally scary but less talked about mental health circumstances, where people are snapping and/or it’s a slow snap, where people are killing stranger and/or beloved famiy members.

I can’t stand the fact that I feel so helpless,  to help innocent others retain their lives,  to pursue their lives, in a society that should value the sanctity of human life, above all else, but that total strangers and/or loved ones could provide the biggest threat to one’s life.

I’m heartbroken, because as little as I have to offer as a parent, and also as an activist, no one will take me seriously, when I try to ring the alarm, that while actual weapons of mass destruction whether it be a gun, bomb or an airplane, to name a few,  with an unstable operator who wants to kill people, that the biggest threat to our safety that I am able to see, is a smartphone and social media, and the addiction of them.

I remember being, I think in 7th grade, I know it was in junior high, when I saw the move “Absence of Malice”. I know while I don’t remember the storyline, per se, it was about the intention of trying to do harm via libel and the consequences of the perception of that.

That movie, I think was released over 36 years ago, but couldn’t be anymore relevant, in today’s times.

And I’m heartbroken, as while I remember that movie’s INTENT, I dont remember the plot, as well as a million other major life events in my OWN life, let alone a movie.

I can’t believe, and it’s bigger than myself and or any of my beliefs, the lack of regard of human life and feelings in another human being, by many others.

Even though there is many decent human beings who care about one another.

That while my life, so small, so abnormal while being not abhorrent, my legacy as it stands right now, is someone who got fat again, before a gastric bypass reversal, when having an epic breakdown.

That’s it. And while I could just dissapear in today’s society, as I loathe social media and I fear it, and I’m on it, so for all intentions, I have “dissapeared” because of my lack of social media presence, that I am still compelled, to be somewhat present, in public, or at least on the internet, as a blogger,and to be honest, for what is the ugliest of my life and of others, that goes beyond that, in hopes to do greater good for other human beings, in ANY manner that I’m capable of doing greater good.

And that of course, is motivated by trying to do the right thing, as an activist, given my spectacular failures as a mother, so that what we went through, wasn’t in vain.

Or that people don’t go through awful struggles and devastating life circumstances, without a support system, like I did.

But that doesn’t get brought up in my personal online life, as much as getting fat or staying heavy after a gastric bypass and a gastric bypass reversal.

And NO matter how much I try to fight that legacy, that we should live in a society, that values the sanctity of human life and the right of individual pursuit of personal growth, happiness and the right to a safe life, that doesn’t mean anything to another, if they wish to cause us emotional and/or physical harm and/or fatality.

The reason why I fear social media so much has both a simple and/or complex answers.

The sort of  simple but still complex answer is, that it encourages impulsive behavior in people, that could be at best, a deterrent to another’s happiness, even if it’s unintentional.

I’m not saying though, I don’t see the good that social media brings.

Whether it be a celebrity who pays off a fan’s mortgage or student’s loan. among many things we’ve seen that where social media has served greater good.

But, the various social media platoforms, simutaneously both encourages the best and worst of humankind.

So while it can be heartening to see both celebrities and others do common good, there’s a lot of bad that goes with it.

Whether it be feeding in one’s instaneous need to hatefully call out others. And to quite a few, social media, dehumanizes other humans, because they are being regarded through a digital lens, that somehow uniquely to predators and/or haters, that they aren’t worthy of common consideration at best, but at worst, they aren’t worthy of being allowed to live their lives with health, safety and peace of mind.

And I don’t think that I’m overreacting, as an activist, when seeing so many cases where in domestic violence situations, where people are not just killing those they love and/or hate.

But regardless, they are horrifically murdering their children, who get caught in the crossfire of a relationship ending badly or for any and all inexplicable reasons, devoid of any ration or ration when it’s needed most.

Or you have children who are tragically killing a parent or a friend, because they can’t react appropriately, to being told NO or something they don’t like. Whether it be  a child and/or teen isn’t allowed to have a party or a child kills another peer in what they feel is an action that shows some kind of rejection, and that leads to rage induced irrovocable behaviors, such as murder/s.

My kind of activism lends to the bottom line of asking “WHY”.

While I can tell a bariatric peep not to blame themselves for example, if they are in some kind of mixed medical/mental health crisis, that their complications are not necesarily their fault and/or of their surgeons and they “why” won’t help them, as far as seeking acute professional attention, so that their lives can be saved, the “why” does play a part.

Of course it does, as far as the “why”, it can not only help from tragedy happening, it can help from history repeating itself, even if the life threatning symptoms are alleviated, it can help from non weight related self sabotaging behaviors from occuring over and over again, that might happen, when someone unnecessarily thinks in the case of an adverse bariatric surgical outcome, that they’re  to blame, for life threatening complications (even when their surgeons aren’t)  when they’re not.

That kind of perspective, such as examining the “why” can help, whether or not a human being is bariatric patient or NOT.

It can help help from a perspective of WHY tragedy happens.

It can help from trying to prevent self sabotaging behaviors, of many kinds, of interfering in one’s ability to find inner peace and a balanced life, regardless of socio-economics and other factors.

The problem is, and it’s not a problem, it’s a CRISIS, that when people hurt, if not kill themelves and/or  another human being, the “why” matters.

The intention of whether or not malice, is present, matters

Whether it be in the case, of my writings of blogs, as of late, whether it be a pastor who drove drunk and killed, I’m assuming, very unintentionally, locally,  that went viral , a 911 operator when driving drunk, last week.

Malice matters, when trying to prevent school or any kind of massacres, whether it be in Parkland, Sandy Hook, Orlando, Las Vegas, San Bernadino or Columbine, to name a few school (and other)  massacres, even though the motives of the person/s commiting the massacres may VARY, and vary widely.

Malice, and/or absence of it, matters greatly, when a mother who has an MSW and should know crisis resources, still kills her baby, her husband and herself, which happened 2 weeks ago.

Or a week later, when a mother kills her husband, her 2 adult children and herself , executing them, by shooting them in the head, when feeling rejection, as it’s been rationalized in the news, right or wrong , when being shunned from her house of worship and/or religious faith.

Talking about why these tragedies occur, as painful and complex as it is, whether or not malice is involved and/or the “why” of them, will NOT  necessarily prevent ALL of them from occuring.

But isn’t it worth a mention, if maliciousness and/or an abscence of it, as well as the “why”, necessary, to at least try and prevent at least  some of them?

I’m not a clinically trained professional. I’d like to know though, where are the clinically trained professionals, to try and say something  and/or help do something, in the hopes of prevention of all these horrific tragedies from happening over and over again, even, though they definitely aren’t to blame, for these tragedies occuring, over and over again.

Because I loathe, as a non clinically trained professional, that I have NO answers or solutions, I’m just trying to be a part of the dialogue, in hopes for prevention of all these tragedies, and while it may be unrealistic to think that all of them can be prevented, we need to at least TRY to prevent some of them.

SO sadly, I have way more questions,  than I do answers.

It would be comforting, to hear from those who have answers (i.e. clinically trained professionals in abnormal/trauma psychology) , or at least an idea,  about the ugliness of human life, that can end human life, if not hamper other’s right to be at least psychologically balanced, happy and healthy, to try and say, what they think is going on here and what, if anything, can be done to prevent all these tragedies that end in loss of human life .

Note: I welcome constructive feedback. I’m kindly asking if someone does NOT have constructive feedback, to not comment. Thanks.

Editorial Note: Clarification, 15 minutes after publishing this blog. I shouldn’t have assumed that nature of the blog, would be clear.

But it’s not something I could’ve said, whether or not people intend to do harm, both fatal and extreme psychological duress, there is sometimes instances where malice is apparent and malice is absent.

But point I’m trying to make, is both intention, whether or not there is an absence of malice, the “why”, matters greatly and is worthy of further discussion, in hopes of prevention of these tragedies.

I shouldn’t have though, assumed that people would construe that, just by the nature of the blog, so while I’m not sorry for what I said, and how many words, it took to say it, I AM sorry, that I wasn’t clearer.

Again, my apologies for not clearly stating above clarification. Thanks….

An important part of the conversation in trying to prevent school shootings…

Important Disclaimers: I believe the video starts an important dialogue that we need to be having and I’ve tried to also state in other blogs about school massacres, other massacres and murder/suicides.

I’ll always encourage people who are in medical and/or mental crisis, and/or if you suspect someone else and is capable of hurting themselves or others, please seek acute clinical professional help and/or contact 911 (and/or EMS for your country if your outside the United States) immediately.

The man in this video is brave.

He starts an important conversation that I’ve tried to initiate dialogue for,  but am not so brave to leave my house to do so, nor as I am as concise.

He shares concerns that I have stated since I’ve launched this blog, that gun control is necessary, as well as open and honest constructive dialogue is necessary to try and  help prevent all these senseless school shootings, but brings up concerns wisely, that gun control is NOT enough.

Again, I believe in gun reform.

I don’t believe that ANY citizen should have an assault rifle.

But lifelong constant societal, familial and peer rejection in some people can lead to predatory and horrific massacres.

It doesn’t mean that all people who’ve experienced massive rejection would ever be capable of hurting another person, let alone killing them.

And Aaron Stark talks about that, too.

Because when we start the labeling people without asking questions, a reclusive loner who’s been subjected to lifelong bullying and has limited support, not all of them are going to ever be capable of causing any kind of harm (i.e. me and many others) to others and have never ever thought about hurting another.

And society just can’t start locking people up, in thinking because they possess certain anti-social appearing traits, that they are at risk for something I/they would  NEVER be capable of doing.

I don’t think it’s his intention, but I want to make this clear, as I do think the video can be life saving, some people probably can not be “loved” or shown caring enough to prevent them, from doing something that could cause harm, if not fatalities in many others.

In the end, it’s the person who kills people, who’s responsible for them being a mass murderer,  as there is never a good enough defense to justify their horrific behavior, as it’s not brave to ambush innocent people, EVER. It’s horrifically cowardly and it should never be thought,  otherwise.

But it can give hope, as shown in the  conversation in this video,  that is possible that some of  these tragedies can be prevented, regardless of weapon choice in a potential mass murderer and/or serial killer.

By asking someone without stigma,  hopefully to save lives, of what helped him when in crisis, to not to kill himself, let alone other people, even though he had considered both at one time, can hopefully lead into constructive initiatives and support systems for those in crisis, BEFORE they horrifically kill others.


What CRAZY really looks like…


Warnings/Disclaimers: While this a blog is more personal, than to achieve any type of activism goal, as a medical/mental health activist blogger, I will ALWAYS, if it’s relevant, implore,, if someone themselves or another, suspects or is  in crisis, them to seek clinically/professional trained assistance in medical/mental health facilities or by calling emergency services/911. Blog is slightly on the ranty side of a mission statement for greater good and is almost 2000 words and I’m showing if nothing else, I’m a horribly incompatible in the Twitter age.

My very first blog on here, is similarly titled to this blog.

If someone would tell me in 2008, where it was very unlikely due to my own medical and mental health crises that I’d survive them, let alone have anything more to fear, once that happened, well I’d think that’s INSANE.

However…. NO ONE would have to go through the same crises which are so unusual for a person like me (OK, ANYONE) , who was a productive member of society, had a bizarre combination of privilege, challenges and adversity, to say that life is way different than we could’ve ever imagined, of how people relate to one another, on a daily basis.

I get that as far as I’m concerned, that I’m not living any more of a life that’s of absence of abnormal, but there’s nothing abhorrent about it, as unintentional as it was, 10 years ago.

And because in my very private very reclusive life, where not only do I still metaphorically “wear my heart on my sleeve”, I do the same with my disabilities.

I don’t feel the need tomake things or myself “pretty” when I don’t feel that way.

I know the difference even with disabilities that being bluntly honest, in situations that I have to, as an activist, and as someone who people email me when they’re in medical and mental health crisis and I have something to offer in helping them get through that, that things don’t need to be either pretty, new and/or  shiny, to make a difference.

What’s needed to make a difference is to have EMPATHY.

An understanding and/or desire to try and see other people’s differences in their beings and opinions and as long as they aren’t hurtful or harming, try to understand them, better, even if you don’t believe in the same ideology.

That people need to destigmatize mental health issues and create initiatives so that people don’t continue to hurt and harm themselves, if not others, not knowing how to deal with feelings of rejection and rage, and not being taught how to process it, in the best interest for everyone’s best chance of continuing to having a life that can be somewhat positively balanced and is best to each individuals potential.

That above paragraph, wasn’t or just isn’t a bunch of words. And it can’t happen right now in our society, that’s so divided, distracted and only has empathy for ONLY things or people that they care about having a positive outcome.

That to me is CRAZY. And for someone like me, who did a “residency” in Mental Health without ever taking an MCAT, even  knows that.

Other people who I know who are mentally ill and also could never be violent, who’s mental health issues have origins in genetic, environmental/circumstantial  (i.e. lifelong bullying and/or abuse and/or violence) may not be able to identify why they aren’t violent, they just aren’t,  but also aren’t aware of their barriers that prevent them from participating in society fully.

Just like people who are potentially, currently or eventually psychological and physical health and life hazards, who don’t know that, may be the epitome of physical, personal and professional success on Insta,  but either are sociopaths and or could snap and there’s more people like that, than most people would like to think.

While I don’t like feeling “scared and aware” all the time, as it applies to me, I’ve lived my life, maybe there’s hope to change my legacy from what it is, where I’m a reclusive activist who helps people when I can and doesn’t bother people, when I can’t.

But what it is becoming UNBEARABLE and so unacceptable to me, is that the masses are too divided and so set on being more right than respectful, when trying to come together so that kids don’t get killed from going to school, people don’t have to worry about dying, when a co-worker gets fired and no one has to worry about losing their life and/or those of they love the most, when going though a breakup or a divorce.

In all this tragedy of late, I’m trying to find the good in people and the good people. It shouldn’t be that kids who had to survive a horrific massacre, their families and community are trying to come together, are showing our resilience in the wake of deadly tragedy, but sadly nothing will get done, because we are in insane position, that and I’m choosing my words, VERY carefully, that compromise can’t be found within the NRA, Congress and our President, it’s just easier for most of the masses to agree that “mentally ill” people shouldn’t have a gun, not realizing that most, if not ALL people, have some traits or form of mental illness or mental health distress, it’s impossible not to, in the digital age.

But that no civilian needs or should feel entitled to a semi or automatic weapon whether or not they’ve been diagnosed, because even with a horrifying shooting that involved  a Republican congressman getting shot last year, their gun positions are probably not going to change, even with an 18th school shooting that tragically killed 17 people.

The ONLY way to rightfully make positive necessary lifesaving change is to VOTE for it.

I can only say what I feel, with intent to do greater good and put that out there, as a reclusive activist/blogger.

I can say that as many regrets that I daily live with and have shared openly and honestly, that as much as I wish I could’ve been the best mother to raise my children to adulthood, to be a financially stable single mother who should’ve been a successful small business owner, that I’m not completely ashamed of my life, as ugly as it is or looks sometimes.

Because as crazy as that sounds, and as sorry as I am, for things, I’m not sorry that I played things to the best of my ability. That I used my personal and humiliating failures, hopefully (and actually, as I have saved people’s lives which I’m loathing to have to repeat as it sounds self serving) for a greater good. That I don’t covet something that I didn’t rightfully earn. But that I believe that certain things like housing, should be affordable, for people and that all people have food to eat and aren’t homeless and should have health insurance, should be like a human right.

That while I could never be a moral compass for anyone, I’m not a lying cheating hypocrite, either.

I’m not an angel though, either. That I can defend myself with words, sometimes strong and sometimes intentional to be hurtful, when people don’t have my best interest at heart or those of others, who don’t have a voice.

And  I’m painfully aware of my flaws and barriers.

But I know how to show gratitude, I can give a compliment and I know and give an earnest heartfelt apology, when it’s due, too.

I know this is getting to be  a way wordy blog. And unfortunately for me, someone who does NOT want to lose privacy, so I don’t strive for a large social media following, nor would I want to have a lot of influence.

But I can say this, and I know this was wordy, but asking yourself the below, is one of the major points of this blog, so think about this and ask yourself it, if nothing else:

1. Are you personally a better person when no one is looking, than you were 10 years ago?

2. Do you feel inherently safer or less safe with people of all socio-economics now, than you did 10 years ago?

Whether they be strangers, family or friends?

3. Do you know and is it congruent, with others thoughts of oneself, of knowing your strengths and your weaknesses and feeling like you can share both in equal measure, in circumstances that are appropriate?

Lastly, what I’m about to say is without malice but is imperative to this blog and my intent.

To me what’s crazy, horrifying and heartbreaking, is not just potential serial killers and people who want to commit massacres in schools, it’s about the impulse control and the inability to have empathy, gratitude or the ability to apologize of ONE  individual that currently has residences in NYC, D.C and Florida.

While I TOTALLY understand him, on not like warm Diet Coke, that urks me, too and he’s not to blame for EVERYTHING that’s wrong or bad in society, he’s shown who he is for and that his himself, ONLY, by any means necessary.

The consequences of his utter failures of a human being, let alone a world leader, when he’s a walking and golfing DSM V with legs in a suit,  now, to me the most crazy thing of all. EVER….

So people may want to mull  that over while fighting about taking the rights of gun ownership, to start,  from a population of people who may not want to ever own one, who would never hurt another person, where people could use more caution on how they label, limit and libel a group of people  and maybe people should be asking how a person who’s a barf inducing at a a bare minimum, buffet of depravity, ran a political campaign, motivated by revenge, got elected to begin with, and still remains in position of power to due so much more harm isn’t getting impeached, let alone has NEVER had to learn the hard way or by consequences of their own wrong doing, EVER.

If anyone would’ve told me 10 years ago that this would be possible, this is just beyond crazy, this is abhorrently abnormal and insanity.

This is sadly though, what CRAZY really looks like……

Other than the fact that I’m thinking of actually running for President, now.

Like being the first really unattractive heavyset Jewish openly medically, cognitively and mentally disabled female candidate to run for President, cause like I’m kinda of in the mindset, go big or stay home where I can be my reclusive self and I’m not sure yet, but I’m giving it consideration, and while that may sounds crazy, it isn’t anywhere near total craziness and the constitutional and conscience crisis we’re all in now…

But I’ll discuss that in my next blog!!!!

Seriously, I’m actually thinking of doing that, I figure my disabilities can be accommodated in a lot of “executive time”.

Note: I will not publish anything that’s not constructive. I was clear when I was stating an opinion and clear when I was stating a fact. If one can’t have a stance to “agree to respectfully disagree”, then you’re not welcome here.

As while I’d like our country to be run  like an inclusive democracy and while  my blog is not a dictatorship, I’m way okay with the few rules I have for those who read and respond back to me, in my own personal internet spaces, like my blog.

However, some of the people I love, respect and adore the most, voted and still support “45”, was not my intention to be hurtful to them but I’m also not sorry for what I said in this blog, either.

Hopefully we can “respectfully agree to disagree” and be apathetic versus hateful on what divides us if we can’t find common ground … Thanks!!!!

An open letter to the ENTIRE world, regarding mass shootings…


Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained professional in medical, mental health, law enforcement and public safety, I’m an activist, and “armchair” one, at that.
IF, anyone you know or suspect is in crisis and is capable of hurting themselves or others, PLEASE contact 911, immediately and/or for my out of the country readers, emergency services, in your country.

And NO, I don’t expect the whole entire world to read what I say. I put things out in the universe in hopes that it helps people and if it does, then, I’ve fufilled my intention and purpose.

I honestly thought that one of my biggest fears was personally, to go viral.

I’m a flawed reclusive activist on a GOOD day.

On a bad day, I’m a quiet multi-complex disabled chick, who spends a lot of time at home, alone.

But now,  my second to  biggest fear, is truthfully people becoming used to massacres, that they become apathetic, because they default to that, because they can’t sustain how scary they are.

My first biggest fear, is NOW that we are going to be nation that has daily massacres and instead of TRYING to come together on solutions that might help prevent these tragedies over and over again, people are going to argue to no frutiful purpose of who’s more right, while more people continue to DIE.

I personally think that to trying to help  prevent these tragedies requires multiple things being discussed without demonization or stigmatization:

Mental Health:  As it applies to whether people are “snapping” or have a violent history, of how to handle feelings of rage and rejection. And to talk about open and honestly what is abnormal about human behaviors that can lead to deaths and what is needed for prevention and potential rehabilitation before people act in a violent manner, if that’s possible.

Gun Control: Yes, I do believe it’s part of the equation, I’ve never NOT believed in gun control. The only reason why I don’t say more, truthfully, is because as an activist, I fear the day when someone uses a bomb to kill multiple people, such as acts like 9/11 and Oklahoma City Bombing in 1995 and that becoming more common place, instead of guns. So I subscribe personally, to finding people who kill, more terrifying,  than their weapon/s of choice.

But I honestly believe, we have to learn how to listen to other people and learn how to agree to disagree, peacefully.

Because , if normally people who are considered mild mannered individuals can’t learn how to do that, we can’t expect people who are in crisis, to do so.

We may NOT ever have a prayer of teaching people in crisis, with a propensity to be violent, of a better way, but it doesn’t even seem like that we are even trying to do so, in an honest non judgemental way without stigma, that can hopefully help people before they end up killing someone or a lot of people.

Every situation that could be potentially volatile and/or fatal to someone, needs it’s own unique perspective on what’s the best course of action, other than what I’ve said before and that is, NOT giving people who commit these crimes, any attention, once they’re  captured, as I do believe there is a social media component that comes into play, that wasn’t around before the digital era to these horrific massacres.

So I’m starting a conversation, that I hope others who are way more qualified than I am, will join in, in hopes for prevention of loss of life and for healing for the survivors of these tragedies.


When one’s peace of mind goes up in smoke, like literally…


“The task of this activist is to bring attention to the fragility of human beings and their behavior that can cause harm, to try and to center consciousness about it, for prevention and healing” -Me 2-9-2018

Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically or credentialed professional in matters of medical, mental health, law enforcement and public safety.

If you or someone else, is at risk for engaging in behaviors that could hurt oneself or another, please seek immediate treatment by a professional or call 911.


I don’t feel very good (I never do) but really hadn’t planned on blogging today. The need for the blog that I wrote yesterday, about domestic murder/suicide, took a lot out of me, when I already was feeling poorly, physically.

It doesn’t help that I feel the need, as someone who has diagnosed mental health issues, that if someone asks me how I am, that if I’m not feeling good or if I’m upset about something, I have to qualify that, by saying “well I don’t feel the greatest, so while I’m not feeling okay, I AM stable and not a danger to others” or something like that.

But as much as I resent that personally, given how people are snapping, I get why it’s necessary, to ask the question and that’s why this blog is being written.

I was watching the local news though, this morning, and happened to catch a story about a fire that happened in apartment complex about a 1/4 mile where I used to live with my son from 1997 to 2002, in Plymouth, MN, which is a nice suburb of Minneapolis and I spent most of my adult life living in multiple dwelling units (this WILL have relevance of the point I’m trying to make, as an activist) and that a man died, and the building was damaged, but other than one other person being seriously injured, who was in that unit where the fire originated, others got out safely.


The man who did end up dying in the fire, started a fire on purpose.

I can’t follow everything that happens in the news, if I’ve though managed to catch in just Hennepin County (where Plymouth and the city of Minneapolis, which I currently reside in) ALL the attempts where arson was used to hurt someone, whether it be themselves or others.

I wrote a blog a few months ago, about a man who tried to set a building on fire, because he wanted to kill everyone in that apartment building and someone innocently died, as a result of his attempt to flee, when jumping out of his window to escape.

I also wrote a blog, a few days ago, about a fire that happened on my birthday in December of 2017, in my own my apartment building, when a neighbor who lived 2 floors directly above me, when a lady got mad at her boyfriend and set his hoodie (that he was wearing) on fire. While that unit got damaged due to fire, smoke and water, so did other units in my building, including my own, had water damage from the sprinkler system, as well as other parts of my building, but no one was hurt.

I pulled that blog about the fire in my building, because truthfully, I was afraid of giving the wrong impression, that people would be under the belief, that all  people in need of affordable and/or low income housing are NOT stable, and it wasn’t an impression that I wanted to give, as an activist for affordable housing and the homeless, as well as someone who benefits from affordable housing.

As well as I know that’s not true, that people can be in need of affordable housing and be great tenants, which there are many, in my apartment building, as well as other affordable housing, not just locally but nationally.

The reason I felt compelled to write this blog is complex and multi-fold.

We live in a society that now  fears those who are diagnosed with mental health issues but we aren’t equipped to handle the devastating consequences to human life and property for those who aren’t diagnosed and are just appear to be “snapping”.

And it just seems people, because of when bad scary things happen, try to pretend it isn’t happening or it won’t happen again and/or it won’t happen to them, it gives them a false sense of security, that really no one can benefit from and it can result in fatalities and extensive damage and/or loss to property, in these cases, it’s people’s HOMES, as well as their LIVES, that I’m talking about, here.

That’s why having an non judgmental dialogue on mental health,  where in these instances, people can SUDDENLY become violent or act in a manner that hurts others, has no boundaries, within respect to socio-economics, gender, race, political and religious beliefs, is is vitally necessary and so important, right now.

I remember when I lived in Plymouth and my son was in Cub Scouts of touring the Plymouth Fire Department, as well as the Plymouth Police Department. And how grateful I was to live in a nice city, with caring first responders (which I still feel the same way about first responders, a million times more though, now that I live in Downtown Minneapolis)

Why I can’t do things like that anymore, for my kids, is one of the reasons why I blog, in hopes that helps other people, as while what we went through with my own disabilities, as humiliating as it is for me, and it had out repercussions for everyone I love the most, it wasn’t violent and all of us are around to still  talk about.

But I think of people who have devastating outcomes due to other’s mental health issues that can’t or won’t talk about it.

So what I’m trying to accomplish, as an activist, is to start a conversation for those who are in danger of hurting  themselves and/or  others and URGING  them to get HELP. That using arson, as means of suicide and or a domestic murder/suicide, has multiple victims and the potential for multiple fatalities, that there isn’t anything noble about using arson and that people, even if mentally compromised, they should know there is help out there before they do that.

I’m also trying to start a dialogue or tell people who’ve had to live through an intentionally set fire, that hopefully working with your landlord, can help start initiatives in your communities, so you don’t have to go through this again.

As well as I’m trying to start a dialogue about unintentional but potential murder/suicides that could’ve happened, in the fire that happened last night.

As well as to tell survivors and or family, friends and people who experiences this, that they aren’t alone. There is support, as well as it can be empowering to share your stories, that by doing that can be life changing and life saving for others, as well as for oneself, which is what I’ve experienced, since becoming an activist and blogger.

We have to start somewhere though, in dispelling stigma, so that people when they can’t speak for themselves, have ingrained in them, to not act in a manner that is not only harmful to them, but has irrevocable horrible consequences on so many people and so many resources.

Humans aren’t infallible, I’m certainly not, no one else is, though.

Talking about this in a constructive open way, where something is gained, hopefully in initiatives and support can only help people and reduce the chances of this happening over and over again.

Note: I’m open to constructive feedback. Please, no negative comments. Thanks.

Things that are helpful to know for non-locals coming to Minneapolis (and/or Minnesota) for Superbowl 52/ #SBLII……


(Trigger Warnings: My opinions are strictly my own. While as a disabled activist I try to raise money and/or awareness for the first 6 above links (the 7th is to help those who are traveling to Minnesota/Twin Cities for the events and/or leading up to Superbowl 52) are/or much different than those who strictly advocate for the homeless and/or affordable housing.

But in NO WAY represent in any manner, other than trying to support non profits, of what I say in my blogs, to try and help others.

Also, I come from the perspective of “respectfully agreeing to disagree”

My hopes are that for those who are visiting Minnesota and/or the Twin Cities area, have a happy and safe time, here, as well as how they can help those who might be in need, if they choose to do so, in the safest and most efficient way possible, is not congruent with other activists who are more vocal and present than I am .

While I defend others right to disagree with me, even with as much at stake when it comes to homelessness and/or public safety, I feel strongly enough to state my point of view, do whatever you feel is right to you, as long as doesn’t interfere with another’s right to feel safe and supported,  whether you are  local or just visiting.

Lastly, my disabilities and lack of income (as well as I’m having technical difficulties, as of late), prevent me from linking websites or videos, in my blogs or breaking the subject matters covered in this blog, into separate blogs.

Safety and first aid tools can be found by using search engines such as Google (I be a “Google Girl, as well as Local 5 local guide for Google under Unstapled Lisa) or helfpul training videos can be found  on You Tube.

But at this point in time, I’m still choosing NOT to monetize anything I do on social media, although at the end of this below, if I can help in a way that’s time consuming, I’m not going to turn down renumeration for my time…

Anyhow…… Thank you in advance, for reading this blog, (hopefully in it’s entirety )as it’s only meant to help…)

Here we go…

The poor disabled blogger who has high end tastes, wants to welcome and empower those who are scheduled or thinking about visiting the Twin Cities, for either Superbowl 52 and/or the many exciting events extended in the Twin Cities area (which would include Dakota/Scott counties, which I’m also familiar with, where concerts promoted by
Nomadic Live at Mystic Lake Casino in Prior Lake, that’s outside of Hennepin (Minneapolis) and Ramsey (St.Paul) counties).

I’ve happened to reside in the core of the Mini-Apple, for the last 5 years. I’ve lived in Minnesota (I was born in Brooklyn about 984 years ago) for the last 43 years. I have lived though, 4 1/2 blocks away from U.S. Bank Stadium for the last 5 years.

Being currently a poor disabled person who should’ve been a successful small business owner, who comes from an upper middle class backround, I kinda have a unique perspective on things.

Where I live and how I feel about Downtown Minneapolis, isn’t any different.

I know what’s great about the Twin Cities and what’s NOT so great.

What I am hoping to accomplish with this blog, is multi-fold:

I want people to have the best possible experience that multiple planning commissions have invested a lot of resources in, that benefits as many people as possible.

Including those who don’t have a voice, which is the nature of most of my blogs and the “armchair activism” that I do on the internet for different causes.

Here are my “Golden Rules” for visiting Minnesota for 52 and/or the activities planned for it (and the beauty is, it could pretty much apply to where you live or anywhere you visit) although the links in the blog are either MN or Twin Cities specific, except the Red Cross one.

1. Treat people like how you want to be treated when you’re at home:

I live super duper close to U.S. Bank Stadium. I don’t live in it, though. If you wouldn’t want people yelling and screaming your neighborhood for ANY reason, at any time of the day, please keep your noise level IN the stadium and/or public spaces where it’s encouraged.

But realize BOTH Downtown Minneapolis and St. Paul, are a mix of commercial and residential properties, sometimes co-existing  on the same block.

Downtown Minneapolis, as well as surrounding suburbs and counties, are very diverse of people of all walks of life. Maybe some people like it loud, lots of us, do NOT.

2. Please do NOT directly feed/finance the homeless:

No, I’m not a jerk. I believe strongly in helping the less fortunate, which is a category I actually fall in, but again, have not monetized ANYTHING I do on the internet (well other than this blog, possibly).

However…. IF everyone I know who claims to care about the homeless, gave to non profits versus a homeless person, directly, could probably house BOTH temporarily and permanently the homeless and less fortunate, dozens of people could have access to both temporary and permanent shelter, for about a year.

Not only that, it does  present a safety risk for the samaritan and it also unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen, provide a safety risk for the homeless person who one chooses to give money to.

If I am to be truthful, I usually if I’m staying in Downtown Minneapolis (or St.Paul) purposely look like a deranged lunatic. It’s not because I get pleasure out of scaring innocent people. I just get sick of being asked for money, sex and drugs all the time (and I’m not laying blame on the homeless for that). I’m just saying, it happens to work for me, just to say that I don’t have any money, whether it’s true or not, isn’t anyone’s business but my own.

I just politely look someone in the eye, say “I’m sorry, I don’t have any money” and quickly move on. I personally don’t feel the need to tell the truth to any stranger looking for something for me and I give, even with being poor both my time and money to those in need. By donating time and money to non-profits.

Again, this is with more than just the samaritan’s safety in mind. But unfortunately, people leave themselves wide open, for the potential to be robbed, because while sometimes, it’s possible, that homeless looking or professing person, may really ONLY needs a quarter, once you open your purse or wallet and give to them, you run the risk of getting asked by another person, who won’t take no for an answer, who sees you do that.

If there is something though, that rubs you the wrong way about those who are less fortunate, the 6th link is for The Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fund at Children’s Cancers Research Fund. I’m kind of the mindset that if I can give to hospital that’s associated with a hospital chain that treats also adults and in my case, this particular adult, like total crap, if you don’t have empathy for those who are poor and/homeless, you can feel good about yourself in trying to help ERADICATE children’s cancers. I picked Zach, in about 9 other blogs that I explain in great detail, previous to this one.

Which brings me to the next topic…..

3. Learn safety tricks and first aid:

There are many videos for those who have time constraints or lack of money to learn how to best protect yourself. Minneapolis and St. Paul are not the U.S. hub of major crime, but it does happen here, like it could ANYWHERE.

I found because of my own disabilities, to feel less helpless and more empowered, to watch accredited and trained people’s videos on safety and first aid, so I would feel less helpless in an emergency or crisis situation of many kinds .

But also know that both the State of Minnesota, almost any city that could expect to have visitors, have excellent trained first responders to help in a true emergency. There’s also 10,000 (yes, you read that correctly TEN THOUSAND) people who volunteered to help visitors get help that they may need to have the best experience as possible, for the activities and/or leading up to 52.

And I’m about to say something that’s kinda contradictory. I do when I see visitors, it’s kind of like my own “random act of kindness” that I do, when I’m out and about, that’s not activism related, will offer to take pics of people who look like they’re tourists (well partially that’s driven by a few people trying to contort themselves to get in a selfie near a landmark and they’re seriously risking an ER visit, okay, I’ll stop being snarky).

Truthfully that’s not a good idea, to ask someone or it’s a risk you take, if someone doesn’t have good intentions, by giving them your smartphone to take a pic.

Also, don’t keep phones, hotel keys, car keys all in the same location, on your person. That way, if something bad happens, which hopefully it won’t, you won’t be out of EVERYTHING, should you get robbed. If you will be traveling with a group people, keep your valued possessions in different places on your person, than the others that you’re traveling with.

But personally, I think it’s a good idea for EVERYONE, who’s capable of operating a digital device, to take the ONE hour of your life, to learn various safety defense actions and emergency first aid. I can get the various reasons why people don’t have the resources to get certified, but I don’t understand how anyone cannot learn something that might save a friend or a loved one, by just investing a small amount of time that provides tools to save one’s life or another.

Again, see above paragraphs. But also note, we earned the “Bold North” rep, for a reason. There are many resources for tourists on my 7th link above. While it’s good to have confidence in some things, if you’re new to snow or cold weather, ask for advice from people you trust, the volunteers and the tons of law enforcement or even me.

I’ve been to major cities outside of the Twin Cities, such as Miami/Ft.Lauderdale, New York City (not since my teens, tho), Las Vegas (almost 2 1/2 years ago) and London (England and Paris, France, almost 22 years ago and I’m not trying to be braggy) and got around fairly easily (in da olden days).

As well as I did get around extremely well, for a disabled chick, in Vegas.

While it might feel embarrassing,  even though there’s a ton of help for example with public transportation, and/or  if you’re renting a car, for example and SNOW or extreme cold, is new to you, don’t chance it. You’re not only risking your life, but those who ride in car with you and/or who has to share the road with you.

While a lot of steps have been taken for example, with accomodations, to make them as safe and scam free as possible, if you need help, PLEASE ASK.

Also have backup plans, in case something goes awry. Again, there’s a ton of help offline and you can also ask your social media buds who are local.

I know for me, personally, I’d rather answer the same question, 63,251 times than someone feel stupid and not ask for help and it causes harm to them, a loved one or an innocent bystander, and I’m NOT the only person who feels that way.

Because while most people are reasonable, and realize that you’re only asking the question for the first time, if someone’s going to be a jerk, what they have to say, doesn’t matter, anyway, RIGHT?

So, please ask for help, if you need it.

5. Lastly… :

This blog is with the best intentions, as I said previously, to help as many people as possible. While it’s true that I don’t monetize my internet or social media, in any way, I wouldn’t turn it down, either. I wouldn’t expect any kind of renumeration, for helping someone,  via email, if it takes 5 minutes. More than that, or more in depth type of help, feel free to try and negotiate and/or offer some kind of  compensation.

Hopefully this blog helped. I get that I’m super wordy, and if you’re new to my writing, I get that my syntax, among other things, could be better, but they’re NOT, because again, I have a bizarre set of complex medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities.

Also note, I’m amenable to constructive criticism. Nasty comments though, will NOT be posted….

Additionally, I do feel bad, as there are groups of people, that I hope to do more activism for, in the future, such as veterans. Right now though I am doing the best I can, to help as many people as possible.

But if one is so inclined to help a Minnesota based veteran, the following link, can help….

And for those who have just a quick question that needs to be answered and/or in the rare case, if it’s someone’s a bariatric surgical patient who’s visiting the Twin Cities for the festivities of and/or Superbowl 52, I can be reached at my email address of

I apologize, as I re-published blog, while unfortunately, it made it even more wordier, it was necessary to best help as many people, as possible.

And unfortunately, with having both tech and WP issues, required publishing the blog, more than ONCE (well, three times to be exact and here’s to hoping the 3rd time is the charm)……

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