It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for January, 2020

The need for long term followup of #gastricbypassreversal patients with and without Gastroparesis…

Important Disclaimer: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional and not trying to play one on the internet.

Important identifying information though about this blogger: I am though a long term reversal patient who’s been blogging about gastric bypass reversals for over 6 years with a 6 continent reach, other than in Antarctica.

I’m hoping by writing this blog to put out there in the internet a need for long term followup of gastric bypass reversal patients with and without Gastroparesis.

For those of us who have gastric bypass reversal induced Gastroparesis, there’s very little information out there, like nothing.

Oddly the catalyst for my writing this, as a 18 year status post lap rny patient who had an open rny gastric bypass reversal over 9 years ago, got Gastroparesis as a result from reversal, is that a bout of non diabetic facial cellulitis that was treated inpatient with a lot of IV antibiotics, a month ago, that caused c-diff, almost immediately,  actually having Gastroparesis tempered the c-diff and vice versa and I’m questioning on whether or not to resolve the c-diff for that reason, as my Gastroparesis has been more problematic as I’ve gotten further out from my reversal up until getting c-diff 3 1/2 weeks ago.

There is NO information for either surgeons or reversal patients on long term studies on overall wellbeing of reversal patients, other than they are better off being reversed and a few on weight topics post reversal.

While I might be the only patient to question given my unique health history of whether or not to treat a serious infection like c-diff, I can’t be possibly be the only reversal patient who’s Gastroparesis has been problematic and getting worse over time, post reversal.

Whether or not this gets the attention of the ASBMS, I guess remains to be seen.

I just didn’t want any gastric bypass reversal patient struggling with Gastroparesis to think they were alone and while it’s not common but not unusual for both non reversed rny patients to get Gastroparesis like their rare reversed peers, it does happen and it’s not researched and studied like it should be, which is the reason this blog is being written.

Important note: This blog in NO  way contradicts the important work myself and others do, non clinically and clinically for those who need a gastric bypass reversal, to think that they shouldn’t have one,  because of the potential of possibly getting Gastroparesis.

Important Update 2-21-2020: I did end up 3 weeks ago taking the Vancomycin. In the end, as I am no longer living by myself, as of the last 2 months, I did not want to risk giving c-diff to my boyfriend.

It doesn’t seem to have resolved after a 2 week course of Vancomycin, 125 mg oral q.i.d a week later and I have a lot of pressure in my right ear, as it seems like as a result of Vancomycin.

However, I think it’s hard especially for a non clinical professional to assess something of this nature, there is no information whatsoever, on the internet of c-diff post op gastric bypass reversal patients with Gastroparesis.

And I think had I not had Gastroparesis, the c-diff would’ve been much worse but it’s hard to again determine what is what, given my unique circumstances, I’m sure that having a ventral hernia and also an iguinal hernia, doesn’t help.

The original antibiotic regimen to treat the non diabetic cellulitis was IM Rocephin the day before hospitalization, IV Clindamycin and IV Augmentin and I was sent home from urgent care and urged to continue oral Augmentin and Clindamycin.

I think even more studies need to be done in using heavy duty Vancomycin for c-diff, I understand why oral antibiotics have to be used to treat it, I just wish there were other treatment options with less severe side effects and a more predictable recovery.

Nothing I should say should deter a patient who’s being treated for cellulitis or c-diff in lieu of clinical medical physician evaluation and treatment recommendations.

If I find out that the Vancomycin wasn’t effective or caused permanent issues, I will write another update.

I just thought the blog in itself and the update was important, given the fact there is NO other information on gastric bypass reversal patients with Gastroparesis who get Clostrumid Difficile.

What #MeghanMcCain and #PeteDavidson have in common…


So, what could  Meghan McCain and Pete Davidson possibly have in common?

Other than having dads who were totally amazing human beings and heroes???

Both of them get an enormous amount of media scrutiny for doing jobs and being themselves, both being in the public eye.

And they both get a lot of hate and a lot of death threats from the public via social media and while that’s grotesque in it’s own right, it’s just as bad, if not worse coming from media outlets, saying that they are constantly doing their jobs wrong and questioning how they have their jobs, that they should be cancelled,  among other things that are really no one’s business.

It feels yucky to write this, it just has felt even yuckier to not say anything as I like both Meghan McCain and Pete Davidson on their respective shows.

I’m not trying to make any money off their names, as a non monetized blogger nor do I want any kind of fame.

Neither one of them needs me to defend them, the reason I feel the need to though is no one else really is.

Or calling out the fact that they gained notoriety of some kind and an enormous amount of people decided to hate on them for that, just for doing their jobs, one of them being more conservative and the other being more liberal and and a bunch of people have decided to unnecessarily hate on them for everything about them.

WHY, though?

While I think both of them are doing an admirable job in their jobs and what they do activism for, hopefully others will call out all this unnecessary hate on human beings who’ve done nothing wrong, other than share an opinion or a joke, another didn’t like.

I’ll never understand the mob mentality to make money so unnecessarily, off of hate in the social media era for not only no good reason but for bad reasons that are potentially and so unnecessarily, a physical and emotional health hazard to someone.

And if this behavior can’t or won’t be stopped, it at least needs to be called out and hopefully not just by me, but others, as well.

Important Note: Anything that isn’t constructive will not be posted.


What is actually going to take, for others to stop judging and shaming people based upon their appearance???


Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I trained in law enforcement or public safety.

IF you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

This blog is being written to both serious personal and professional activism, so there may be some profanity in it, it’s definitely NOT meant to appearance shame anyone whether they work hard to look their best or they are more like me and don’t, anymore.

As my blogs in the last 3 months have touched upon bias I get for my appearance not just in the real world but when seeking emergent medical attention.

As well as my life in the last 50 years of being appearance shamed about weight and looks.

Bullying by peers  and medical bias can have both dire psychological and physical consequences acutely and long term, if a patient can actually live through some of the things we should never be put through ONCE, let alone over and over again.

IF any above topics or profanity is a trigger to anyone, please don’t read, thanks.


“I swear to GOD, they both  looked and reacted to me like myself and myself ALONE,  was FUCKING soley responsible for the Obesity and Opiate epidemics!!!!”

Above comment made by myself when discussing my ER visits and a recent medical admission when having a followup appointment with my long term primary care physician, yesterday and catching her up on that, as she knows I hate going to the doctor, so for me to go to the ER three times in a 5 week period, as Thanksgiving and the weekend after I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting, so I went into the ER 3 days later, 2 days after my 50th birthday.

As well as for Hanukkah/Christmas, I got a potentially life threatening cellulitis infection in my face, which caused ER visit #2 and the ER visit #3 a week later was due to the “gift” of the c-diff infection I got from all the intraveneous antibiotics they gave me for the cellulitis infection.

This is the thing, NO ONE at this point can cause me emotional duress, because they don’t like that I’m still fat despite quite the gastric bypass history and that I don’t even try to be anything resembling an attractive human being.

I can’t care anymore, that’s my perogative, I feel like a really old person who feels like shit most of the time, having a lot of severe chronic pain head to toe,  if I take a shower and put clean clothes on, well, you’re welcome.

Doesn’t mean I am going to judge those who want to look and feel their best, as I’ve said before, there’s nothing wrong with that.

However there’s something terribly FUCKING wrong, when people look at another just because it offends on some level their desired aesthetic for others when someone doesn’t meet them.

You don’t like the way someone looks where other than that, their behavior and looks doesn’t effect you, in any other way???

Don’t fucking look at them, it’s that easy.

Slightly, a little more harder but worth the work, is to try and get past that your bias that is causing you to judge someone negatively when their existence has NO effect on how you live your life.

And if you’re an actual physician  and have a patient who may be of excess weight and ONLY that, even without a bariatric surgical history, and never has had a comorbidity due to Obesity in their life, if a patient tells you they can’t stop throwing up and they are having trouble eating and keeping liquids down, telling them to completely stop eating is never the answer or such as if a patient is admitted during a different emergent encounter and a line of offensive questioning that has NOTHING to do due with the admitting diagnosis and being cavalier as such as discharging them because they get offended when you ask them if they are abusing cocaine or heroin, which is in direct contradiction of the comments you made about their Obesity moments prior, realize that you’re not the first physician or first person to be so unnecessarily critical as well as absolutely WRONG in your judgement of a patient.

This blog isn’t about me, though.

Honestly, normally when a physican treats me like crap, I can give it back appropriately where I’ll call them out on their bias, either to their faces or by filing a grievance, I don’t and no one else has a right to do more than that.

But I can’t stop thinking that human beings who are vulnerable, whether or not in a patient role,  don’t have a voice and constantly are being told by their peers and clinical professionals there is something wrong with them because of their particular aesthetic.

I have no problem saying this has and will continue to kill people, unnecessarily until others realize they could be so harmful, even if it’s not intentional or with malice.

Whether it’s patients who will not seek professional help due to bias and being labeled and not believed or it being assumed a patient has medical or mental health issues they don’t, just based upon what they look like and/or they are a one in a million patient in their physical responses that differ than most the population of humans to treatments.

Or human beings who’s depression or behavior is at risk of being  of fatal to themselves and or innocent others, because they can no longer bear hearing how either ugly and fat they are or how ugly and too thin they are.

Just be kind and if you can’t be kind, just ignore someone versus going out of one’s way to bully and/or shame someone and do it like someone’s life fucking depends on it.

Because it actually does…

Important Note: Anything that could be hurtful to myself or another reader will NOT be published.

Some unique belated insight in hopes of preventing another tragic #antisemitism act of violence, like the #hanukkahstabbing, 2 weeks ago…

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I trained in law enforcement and/or public safety.

If you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

I had wanted to write a blog when I first heard about the stabbing at a Hanukkah party in upstate New York on 12-28-2019.

There were 2 good reasons why I didn’t at the time.

First one was, I just got out of the hospital that evening and was quite sick and still am (but that will be a topic for another blog).

Secondly, if I am going to be honest, I didn’t think I could get to a calmer place where while I don’t have one IOTA of empathy or even a desire to try to understand how the perpetrator could commit such a heinous act, in the last 2 weeks that truthfully hasn’t changed much as far as any empathy for the perpetrator nor do I have any desire to give him any kind of pass because he’s had a mental health history.

I identify though as a medical, mental health and violent crime prevention activist and blogger.

I’m going to try in a roundabout way to perhaps like I did a few weeks ago when talking about another anti-semitic tragedy, of seeing what insight I have that could maybe help potentially reduce if not eliminate the risk of another who uses the internet to search and fortify their hate before they try and commit a similar massacre.

I have 1 thing somewhat similar in common to the man who stabbed those 5 people.

I am not conventionally attractive and because of that, I’ve been bullied my entire life for it.

The one thing that I have that the evil coward who did the stabbing didn’t, is  white privilege.

I also have an unconventional life history for someone who was born and raised in a hardworking respectable conservative Jewish family that doesn’t endear me to other Jews, whether they be Orthodox, Conservative or Reformed.

While I didn’t love the bullying that I also got in Hebrew School, in addition to regular school, in that situation, I was actually bullied for being a very smart goody-goody.

To then becoming an outcast and a total embarrassment  both fat and thin, and both religious and non religious related, as an adult when I ended up having one, then two children out of wedlock.

Only for  the shame and isolation for it to get exponentially worse 11 1/2 years ago, when in medical and mental health crisis, I gave up custody of my 2 beloved children to family and tried to commit suicide, thinking everyone would be better off without me.

This is what I learned the very hardest way, when people are bullied and shamed for their appearance constantly and then other real or perceived flaws and have very little to no peace in their life, that lots of times has more of an origin because they don’t fit an aesthetic versus being a bad person.

All that hating on them, has to go somewhere.

It’s either internalized and while there isn’t an intent to ever hurt others, such as in my case, my being in crisis 12 years ago didn’t hurt just me, as unintentional as it was, it hurt the people I love the most.

As much and ONLY out of respect for that family of Josef Neumann I’m trying to take a higher road in trying to understand how someone who had experience with personal hate like the perpetrator could go out of their way to attack innocent people in a home when trying to celebrate with their loved ones, a holiday and I just cannot fathom it.

I can though try and say this again.

And for how many times it takes, I will, until it does stop.

Internalizing hate where it comes to the point where people are at risk of trying to kill innocent others or even their own bullies (which isn’t relevant in this tragedy) , is NEVER the answer.

As the hate and harm put on innocent people, yet again, will NEVER make sense to me and we have to work harder to make sure it doesn’t ever irrationally make sense to others in hopes to stop these tragedies from happening over and over again.

We have to call out evil cowardice when we see it, we have to have more programs and initiatives that those who are at risk of acting out violently to others, have options for intervention, evaluation and treatment.

I know this is starting out small now, I know as an activist when I use Google, to research crime, medical and suicide resources and statistics, for my blogs that I now get phone numbers and websites for emergency resources, on the off chance that my search terms are indictive of someone in crisis.

I hope that continues to be the case and expanded on, not just by tech and social media but by community and government initiatives.

The victims, families,  friends and the Jewish community in Monsey and globally,  are in my continued thoughts and prayers.

Important Note: Anything that isn’t constructive will not be posted.

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