It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘unrequited love’ Category

I’m only human after all……

While I’ve received some positive opinions about my last blog,regarding Adele’s new song, the negative and hate is starting to roll in.

Let me explain something and it’s personal of nature and it’s unfortunately why I’m the way I am.

If you’ve read my previous blogs, regarding bullying, body diversity, medical mental health and self-esteem, it’s bad enough when one’s foundation is based upon being disliked if not hated for, what I’m about both on the inside and out.

But even if I can find kindness from others, especially in a romantic realm, as I’ve said in my blog about not getting over “the one who got away” (which is still being read, fairly frequently, even though I published it, MONTHS ago) is that I made a career of dating men, who dated me, when they couldn’t over other past loves in their lives.

Most of the time, in the few romantic relationships that I’ve been in, I was the one who technically ended, something that really NEVER was. My love may have been real, but I didn’t have a prayer, having feelings for someone where I was a pleasant (and not always pleasant during or after, a breakup) diversion.

But the takeaway for me, my whole entire life, is that I’ve NEVER been, anyone’s FIRST choice. NEVER

In anything and everything that EVER matters.

So, in all different ways when it comes to love, whether it’s platonic, family, maternal and romantic, never being anyone’s first choice, can do a doozie on a self esteem that usually runs low to non existent .

I would NEVER want to influence anyone’s choice of expressing themselves, especially when they are being honest. I’m not trying to take away someone’s right and need to have music that fits their circumstances and that they find solace, in.

But I’d be lying, for how much I adore Adele, in multiple ways, of being bummed that she doesn’t have music that I can relate to.

I’d be lying, that if you listen to the lyrics of “Hello”, I’m admitting that I think it’s selfish and cruel, if someone breaks someone else’s heart, that they keep trying to remind them, they exist. Even if they are sorry and/or realize they did make the biggest mistake of their lives, by letting that person go.

I have to live with everyday, being a mother who loves her children, but doesn’t see them often, since they went to live with my parents, over 7 years ago. Part of that is because, I don’t want my children to be hurt, more than they already have been. Even though they know I love them, more than anything. It’s not saying much, though, if I say I love them more than myself, though. But it would be cruel and even more selfish, to look for them to validate me, or constantly remind them that I exist, if I can’t raise them  and have a day to day relationship with them.

So, if I can accept, understand and embrace music that still is personally hurtful, for all the reasons that I’ve said above, I’m sure there’s a few people like me, who take it personally, when songs about unrequited love or regretting letting a love go, and years later ruminating on it, is a painful reminder of lifelong love rejection, that I’ve experienced and they did, too.

I’m not looking for pity, with this blog. And maybe it’s hard for others to understand where I’m coming from.

Unless they’ve NEVER been anyone’s first choice, as well.

And that’s one club, metaphorically, that NO ONE ever wants a membership in. And while I can change how I let that effect my life, I can’t change that from always being the case. I am just beyond grateful to have the love that I do from my children and the love that I have for my parents……..

I hope this resolves and clarifies why people could have the reactions they did to Adele’s song “Hello” or any musical artist who write songs that talk about not EVER getting over the one they let go or the one that got away.


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