Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. If you or someone you know, is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services right away.
I’m going to tread lightly, as I have a unique perspective on dying and grief.
And as a suicide prevention/awareness activist, I have to make sure nothing I say could possibly be misconstrued when talking about this subject that requires the utmost sensitivity.
After signing a DNR/DNI over a year ago and filing that Advanced Health Directive, I tried to engage my loved ones in what I wanted, so it wouldn’t be a surprise.
Such as my desire that my next medical event is my last.
That when I die, I want to die alone.
They wanted NO part of having a conversation about that.
They thought I was being morbid and refused to talk about it.
When earlier this year, after careful consideration that my medical disabilities would make me a terrible organ donor, I decided to do a body bequeathment to a teaching hospital, so that after my death, it would help new doctors.
This what I believe more than anything and it may not be right for most, but it could be right for some.
To me all that matters, is how we treat people while they are still ALIVE.
To not take for granted and to make sure those we love the most while we are and they are still living, showing words and in action, of how much we love, care and appreciate them.
For those I love, I don’t want them to suffer, once I’m gone.
I’d only want them to try to find peace, in the fact I am not suffering and in pain, any longer.
I only want them to think of me, without grief, when I’m not around and to smile for any good or fond memories they should have of me.
Because, I don’t want those I love and care about to be sad, regretful or griefstricken, while I can’t control emotion and mindset of another , when alive and when I would be gone.
I can only hope this starts a conversation about Advanced Health Directives and personal wishes for people that they want their loved ones to honor, in regards to their death and after they are gone.
Above links should be more helpful for those who feel differently about death and the grieving process, than I do.
But it might be helpful, for discussion or self reflection, if you find my beliefs about death and grief to be uncomfortable to bizarre, of why you feel that way.
And maybe it’s worth evaluation and dialogue, that those we might grieve for or grieve us, if they feel similar on how I do about this, that it could work for those who lose loved ones to concentrate on those who we love of showing in the best way we are capable of, while when alive.