It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘GASTRIC BYPASS COMPLICATIONS’ Category

A little over 9 years status post #gastricbypassreversal , was it worth it???

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Very Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. Anyone who’s had bariatric surgery and is in medical or mental health distress, needs to be evaluated and treated by  qualified clinically trained professionals (i.e. physicians, surgeons, psychiatrists and other type of medical and mental health professionals) in person and depending on degree of medical and mental health distress, in an acute care facility (i.e. hospital).

It will however be very apparent, in my blog why I borderline practice medicine and psychiatry in my blog when presented with a patient in some kind of crisis, with above disclaimers being made very clear.

***

The *MOST*  frequent question I get asked by people when they hear I’ve had a gastric bypass reversal is that if I have any regrets of having my reversal.

It still kind of shocks me, because people ask that more than if I have any regrets over having a gastric bypass.

I don’t regret having a gastric bypass reversal, I would’ve died in 2010 without it.

The next most frequently asked question I get, is will one get fat after a reversal.

That’s a tougher question and that question probably is the reason why I end up having to borderline remotely practice medicine and psychology, even though I have no formal education or licensing, in either specialty.

There’s a devasting desperation in patients like that, though.

Whether it’s a patient who’s been told by a bariatric surgeon that they need one to save their life, they have peers and possibly other clinically trained professionals who pose that question to a patient in medical crisis and potentially mental health distress, in a patient who’s already worrying about that, in the first place.

Or they have a bariatric surgeon who won’t perform a reversal, even though their patient is at risk of death.

Well, if you’re dead you won’t be at risk of getting fat.

You could possibly be buried in a very  teeny tiny coffin.

Above 2 sentences are definitely NOT  my original replies to that question obviously, to a patient in crisis, it’s more of an attempt for a patient to see the gravity of their situation that they’re in, that’s after my  getting an idea if and what any trauma led to a gastric bypass as a medical intervention and what trauma post gastric bypass a patient has experienced, and in my case I’ve written in several blogs what personally happened to me, where I was of heavier weight than most reversal patients and what played into that.

Would you do it again?

Do what, again?

My gastric bypass or reversal?

Reversal.

Yeah, it was the only alternative to, like,  NOT  dying.

Well, what about then, would you have a gastric bypass again???

Um, no.

I don’t regret having a gastric bypass.

I couldn’t have  and no one else at the time I had it in 2001, could’ve forecasted my complications.

I stopped asking why my complications happened to me, a long time ago.

The why, doesn’t help anything or anyone, including me.

The hardest thing is, at almost 9 years post reversal, is how cyclical my ability to eat and/or the rare time I try or don’t even try that it’s much harder to lose weight, even though, I’ve had years, like this one, where it’s very hard to eat again.

And when I can’t eat, my reactive hypoglycemia comes back again, so I’m experiencing fainting and falling again, kind of frequently.

My labs though, just recently in the last 9 years are oddly normal, for how hard it is to eat again, especially in the last year.

While I’m recently showing signs of an ulcer, it doesn’t feel like multiple duodenal ulcers which I had for several years, prior to my reversal and can’t say that is bariatric surgically related.

I turn 50 in 12 days.

I had my gastric bypass, 3 days after my 32nd birthday.

I live my small life, looking that I’ve been on borrowed time in the last 11 1/2 years.

Not everyone though has let their complications, a need for a reversal, ruin their life like I let it ruin mine.

Chances are, while I know people who had more of a difficult long term recovery medically and mentally, most people do well long term, post reversal.

The other population of people that I help wanting a gastric bypass reversal bears mentioning it again, as I have discussed them in past blogs:

That is patients who have bariatric surgical regret, not fully realizing that the limitations, at least initially in the first year, possibly 2, that they can eat, but is within the range of normal for a gastric bypass patient.

The reason why it bears repeating, as again, I end up again having to borderline practice medicine and psychology with patients like that.

And there’s sorely lacking of peer and professional support, where when so many patients are happy with the drastic changes they have to make in eating to support their surgeries and cannot understand the regret of a few of their peers.

In that scenario, actually ALL of them, eventually lose their bariatric surgical regret.

Every patient who has found me, who was suicidal due to the realization of what they did to their digestive system, not only eventually do they find peaceful acceptance where they had surgery, most  ended up happy that they did.

But it’s crucial  to acknowledge that feeling of loss, that they aren’t an isolated case, mourning not being able to use food as a coping mechanism.

Because it’s an isolating and devasting feeling that needs to be acknowledged, if  a patient is going to have any chance of acting in a manner that best supports their medical and psychological needs, when experiencing  bariatric surgical regret and it goes unsupported, if not stigmatized by professionals and fellow peers.

No bariatric surgeon wants to do a reversal.

They won’t do it, if it’s NOT medically indicated.

Absolutely NO  pre-operative gastric bypass patient should ever think that a gastric bypass reversal is ever done for reasons like that, not just because of my experience, but because a long term post reversal outcome, is just too unpredictable.

It will save a patient’s life, with all of us who had reversals having unique outcomes on what we’re able  do with those lives, which will vary.

I’m sorry for those who were looking for an update, that you had to wait so long.

I’m sorry for those who are need of a reversal, that you’re going through what you are.

I’m glad that there is more avenues for support, such as support groups on social media and  internet, as well as more reversal peers are also blogging and vlogging about their experiences.

I hope this helps and if it doesn’t, that those in need seek out support, as it’s out there, both online and offline.

As well as I’m dedicated to supporting the gastric bypass reversal community, as long as I can do it justice and that’s why I’ve talked about as long as I have, in case if I’m not  be able to do this any longer, I’m hoping I’ve given others, the tools they need, with other peer and professional help, to not only survive a gastric bypass reversal, but thrive.

Note: Anything that isn’t constructive to myself or any patient population mentioned in blog, will NOT be posted.

 

 

How an episode of #HouseMD on You Tube, can give life saving insight on how pervasive and damaging #Obesity bias and bigotry is, way more than the disease of Obesity in itself, not just bariatric patients but in the case of #gastricbypassreversals …

 

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Important Disclaimers: WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS???

Nope… The above is an unfinished, crappy and nonsensical disclaimer.

I’m going to try again.

Important Disclaimers: I’m an ASBMS and ABMS board certified bariatric surgeon and also a licensed attorney specializing in tort law, where I concurrently hold licenses to practice medicine and law  in CA, MA, MD and MN.

Graduated high school at the age of 12, 1st in class at Harvard Law, 2nd at Harvard Medical School (which I had to sue, to block public access to my academic records and the age that I achieved them), surgical residency John Hopkins and employed as a physician at Mayo Clinic, while on sabbatical, as I just finished up my residency at Stanford, in Neuropsychopharmacology.

I believe though that patients and clients need both in person evaluation and plan of action by a licensed  practitioner   who oversees them in person…

Okay… Above 2nd attempt at disclaimer and CV is PURE fiction.

And was WAY more FUN to write!!!

As well as real life human stuff, as heartbreaking to write about, is way more interesting, at least to me, especially given the fact I’m doing this for free, but when I help be a part of saving someone’s life, that’s the reward.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor in public safety or law enforcement. IF you or someone you know is in medical and/or mental health crisis, please seek immediate help in an appropriate facility by an appropriate credentialed expert and/or contact emergency services.

Alright, 3rd attempt I got out what I needed to.

Now, I can start this blog.

YAY!!!

NO, not really!!!

It kind of sucks, that the activism that I’m good at, that my attempt to arrest bias and bigotry which can be deadly to someone, is like trying to empty out the ocean with a freaking thimble.

***

“Not many people would have the guts to admit that they would rather be PRETTY than HEALTHY… “-  the awesome fictional  Dr. Gregory House- from t.v. show House M.D. Season 5 Episode 10 “Let Her Cake”.

“All I need to start with, is patients who are ALIVE, in my specialty of medicine, and by the time my patients find me, they’ve already been quite medically and mentally compromised by medical interventions that were meant to help save their lives, if not make them much better off in quality of life, both physically and mentally.

And if that medical intervention failed them and most of the time, a ton of psychological duress, circumstantial trauma that proceed interventions that usually led to their obesity, and/or continue on after them and most of my patients due to stigma and how people have no idea of how pervasive and damaging Obesity bigotry and bias REALLY is, but horrifically still quite awfully, still so acceptable, unless they’ve suffered it, that the suffering by post bariatric surgical patients, in dire circumstances, pales against it.

AGAIN, even in bariatric surgical patients who had the most catastrophic bariatric surgical complications.

BECAUSE, no one wants to hear how Obesity bias, even by the most well intentioned person, whether they be a physician, family member or friend, can be soul crushing in certain circumstances and in others, such as in my specialty can be deadly to a patient, if not then cause them irreversible physical and psychological harm. ” ajk/UnstapledLisa

If you think so far, this blog is a wordy nonsensical trainwreck, like I am, think again.

Most people if they choose to do activism, especially medical, where to the degree that I am, that I am trying to help save people’s lives, they had to fight an enormous medical (and usually mental health) battle by the time they find me.

The reason why I posted above House M.D. clip, is that it highlights some of the biggest obstacles that I face when I help people when dealing with the medical and psychological ramifications of serious, potentially life threatening bariatric surgical complications.

It also in the worst way possible, shows why I will never NOT be supportive of a bariatric surgical intervention, as a last resort.

I get that House M.D. , is a fictional medical drama that’s meant to entertain.

Unfortunately, there’s quite a few of us, who have in common in the episode, with the character Emmy, where we’ve been told that we need a gastric bypass reversal to save our lives or dramatically improve it.

And while like Emmy, I found exercise to be a great thing for me, as I found I got endorphin highs with intense exercise, thought I could help others with their medical and mental health find some kind of exercise could help people and that’s why I got my certification, as a personal trainer, 14 years ago, that’s all that I have in common with her.

As in my case, by the time I was told by my surgeon who suggested a gastric bypass reversal was necessary to save my life, I was ready to die and I’ve touched upon where I was medically and mentally in 2010, at the time of my reversal and will blog update how I am doing almost 9 years status post gastric bypass reversal, shortly.

But not today.

This is the deal though, in most cases, it won’t help a bariatric surgical patient who had a long term positive outcome or even a person who’s bigger, who would never have bariatric surgery watch the video.

And it will be soul crushing for anyone who’s sensitive to fat shaming and thin shaming to watch the video and read the comments on You Tube.

And this is where we are as a society, as I know full well both personally and professionally of how damaging, if not deadly the pervasiveness of fat shaming can be to anyone, but especially when someone is already in medical and/or mental health crisis after a surgical intervention for Obesity went wrong and they find either my blog or me on the internet.

Because I am to an extent, practicing both medicine and psychology without formal training and licensing, while I consider people like that, “my patients” , in the way it matters the most (to help save their lives and I don’t tell them I think of them as patients, except now you all know) , I also ask of them to be under the care of physicians, surgeons and mental health clinicians, which usually by medical crisis alone, they are.

As while I can help them navigate the unchartered experience they are having, but I don’t have the experience to have their lives soley in my hands, I don’t have the right to do that to anyone (nor do they have the right to do that to me, as it’s a enormous responsibility), no matter how well intentioned I am, no matter how high the standards I have for their lives and care.

The above paragraph would be in direct violation ethically of everything that I try to stand for as an activist and someone who wants a clear division, as physicians, surgeons, psychiatrists, psychologists and/or all or any kind of licensed/credentialed professionals who have extensive education, training before they treat patients, is what a patient in medical and mental health crisis, bariatric related or not, needs the most .

Here comes the BUT why I still do it anyways (online ONLY and with major warnings about my limitations, by not only being NOT a clinical professional but that they will need care and support from their families, friends and the reversal community that’s now online but wasn’t when I had my reversal, as well as a professional credentialed care team of physicians, surgeons and possibly psychiatrists and psychologists)  :

After dozens of times of having gastric bypass (most of them, a few of had bpd/ds, vsg, adjust lap gastric band and open non adj gastric banding) patients tell me they have major complications and their labs are in the toilet, find me because they have no quality of life or think they are going to die and their bariatric surgeon won’t perform a reversal.

Even if they have other physicians in their care team suggesting it.

Because their surgeons are afraid of them getting fat again, in physician/surgeon speak “great concern of the co-morbdities Obesity becoming a factor in declining health”.

OR

Patients who find me, where their experiencing potential life ending medical complications and want to know my reversal experience and have no problem admitting they are terrified of getting fat again.

Remember, where I said at the beginning of this blog, about 1000 words ago, I need “my patients” to be alive???

There’s only a few of us, I’m guessing, I’m really the ONLY person I know, on the internet, who’s discussing in great detail, the medical and psychological ramifications of gastric bypass complications and reversals.

There’s others, but only a few, who blog and vlog about their gastric bypass complications and/or their reversals.

The House M.D. video, could really hurt someone, if they are researching gastric bypass reversals and see the video and/or  the hateful comments directed at fat people and bariatric surgical patients, if they find that video first without finding support that exists, first.

I’m not sorry though the video exists, it gives people a terrifying glimpse, if they care about human beings and aren’t aware of trauma that usually factors in to Obesity and Anorexia, not just in the bariatric surgical community, but outside of it. It just doesn’t tell people what led to their personal experiences prior to an intervention.

You can’t legislate or hate that away and when people are hated for appearance issues, especially when it comes it comes to bariatric surgical patients, those comments on the video, are shockingly accurate of the frequency and level of hate that people experience everywhere else on social media and online and off it, as well.

Not just from their peers and family but sometimes innocently and not so innocently licensed physicians, surgeons and psychiatrists who took an oath not to do any harm.

I shouldn’t be the only to be terrified, that a fictional diagnostic team, even with a ton of snark, in the end, handled a bariatric surgical patient in medical crisis, sometimes better than they are treated in real life.

Even in the most well intentioned people, physicians or not, who do not know how to appropriately address the complexity of emotions, as well as the complexities and medical and mental health issues, that have to  be addressed in this population of people, makes it so much harder on those of us, physicians or not, who are trying to save these patients’ lives with them having the best possible short and long term outcome medically and mentally.

I’m not saying that Obesity doesn’t provide a valid reason for their to be health discussions for prevention and treatment when it happens, if a patient wants it.

But Obesity is just NEVER an acute issue in pre-operative gastric bypass reversal patients.

Note: Constructive feedback is welcomed. Please don’t waste my time or yours with not honorable intentions. Thanks!!!

Edit Note: Update on 5/25, blog needs to be overhauled, I get that it’s kind of wordy. It would be less careless for me to pull it though until it’s reworked than for me to leave it up.

Unless you’ve had to on multiple occasions have to coach a bariatric surgical patient in crisis medically (and sometimes mentally) who even after a weight loss of 200 lbs, has a bmi of 20, but that’s only because they didn’t have any reconstructive, they have a clinically trained professional in their care team, whether it be medical or mental health not show a level of compassion or actually believes that Obesity is the acute medical issue in these patients, when it’s clear that it’s not, you’d understand better why I had to go and be so hardcore, of what at stake with all this body shaming both in the bariatric surgical community or where I’m having a conversation with someone is in recovery or struggling with Anorexia who thinks everyone hates them, including fat people, which isn’t the case.

And if you haven’t done this kind of work, you wouldn’t understand just how complex it is to try and be of some kind of help to save someone’s life, in these circumstances.

Just saying be kind isn’t enough, sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gastric Bypass Reversals 501- ADVANCED/ Important information regarding Gastric Bypass Reversals…

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Disclaimers: I’m NOT  a clinically medical or mental health professional. PERIOD. I have some leeway, over other bariatric patients in the bariatric community as a whole, because given the length of time I’ve been helping people when it comes to subject matter. While I will always tell people in medical and/or mental health crisis to seek clinically trained guidance, when it comes to anything, including a gastric bypass reversal, I have some leeway, given that I’m so public about my reversal and for how many people I’ve helped.

For as much as I’ve been blogging, I’ve noticed a strange trend on here, as of late.

While I’m fully aware, that most of my topics are relevant usually to Americans, usually my bariatric surgery related blogs, reversal themed or not, get read a lot in outside the United States, primarily in Europe.
A strange trend though has taken place, in the last several months, though.

A lot of my reversal blogs are being read in Asia and Africa.

Without a followup personal query.

Which is leaving me quite perplexed.

As there is only really a handful of us, who’s talking about gastric bypass reversals, where it reaches a global scale.

That would be myself, my social media bud Sue Joan (who helped me enormously when I had my reversal) and Frankenbelly Misty Trask, who also vlogs and blogs about reversals, and is an amazing ally in support, as well as her desire to help, has led her to start a dedicated reversal support group on Facebook, for the last several years that she runs.

There are other people of course, but us 3, are usually the ones who are contacted the most, globally.

As well as the book that Dani Hart wrote, well over a decade ago, regarding gastric bypass  reversals, but I haven’t found her on social media, at all.

Most people, if they have any kind of curiosity about a gastric bypass reversal, would be surprised to know that I spend almost as much time equally talking someone OUT of wanting a gastric bypass reversal, than into one.

Also, while I had a bariatric surgeon who was nationally AND globally ranked (as he teaches procedures outside of the U.S. or at least he used to) and regarded who did both my gastric bypass and reversal, I absolutely KNOW nothing that might translate well, in helping others, who and/or where the surgery procedures for both bariatric surgeries and takedowns of them in other countries/continents (other than vertical sleeve gastrectomies which are not reversible but they also are usually considered the least invasive of bariatric surgeries, even with approximately  80% of the stomach being removed), that there is some kind of irony, that my reversal has gotten so much global attention.

This though, is NOT why I’m writing this blog.

I’m writing it, because I do have a desire that NO ONE goes through the reversal process, if surgically indicated that it’s necessary, alone.

But truthfully, this is where the “advanced” but doesn’t mean squat, comes in.

I couldn’t tell someone from a different country or continent anymore about any potential of a  predictable outcome because there’s no such thing, for a reversal, out of the country or continent, than I could if they were in North America or the United States.

I’m definitely NOT saying that I don’t possess the skill sets, even as a non clinically trained provider to metaphorically “hold someone’s hand”, while they go through the process.

I just can’t, just like NO ONE can, guarantee the length of recovery or what their recovery and ultimate  long term outcome can and/or will be or what it will look like.

That doesn’t mean that I’m going to not help people regardless of country or continent they reside in, of trying to help when I can.

The very nature of a reversal being needed, as I’ve tried to state, makes any kind of prediction on how an outcome, well, unpredictable.

That though is in no way expressing, that if a surgeon is recommending a reversal, a patient should not go through with it, because the outcome is unpredictable, it’s unpredictable but it’s life saving and life enhancing compared to the risk of potential deadly complications and or life ruining ones, if a serious intervention like a reversal doesn’t happen but it’s needed.

Just because I had a reversal from such a brilliant surgeon who teaches procedures all over the world, doesn’t make me an expert in all things regarding gastric bypass reversals, especially the physiology component.

I didn’t go to medical school and I’m NOT  a surgeon.

I just because of irony, bad luck and a desire to help others, possess the knowledge that very few peers would have, when it comes to this topic, that’s it.

It’s A LOT though.

Given how many people I’ve enormously helped in the last 7 1/2  years.

What may I suggest for sources of support and/or information, if a surgeon regardless of country and/or continent of residence in a bariatric patient suggests a gastric bypass reversal:

And unfortunately I can’t copy and paste links.

Use both search engines (i.e Google) and You Tube and there’s a ton of information in articles and videos.

While the surgeon videos are helpful, it’s also extremely helpful on You Tube to hear from others who’ve had reversals.

Note though, that there are patient limitations, as well as professional ones, on how much we can help specifically, for multiple reasons.

Such as our beloved Grace, who has videos on You Tube and various bariatric community threads and I’ve seen people write nasty things because she didn’t respond back on her videos and/or threads online.

Grace sadly passed away a few years ago, non reversal related.

People like Frankenbelly Misty Trask, she vlogs on You Tube and blogs, as well as admins that reversal support group on Facebook.

If you use a search engine you can find Sue J. ‘s work who’s been helping people with bariatric complications for many years by “googling” suesaysthings.

I blog about about reversals on this blog site and at Obesity Help.

But respect our limitations, OK?

We help because we believe in comprehensive  support. While nothing I do is monetized and I can only speak for myself, even for those who can monetize their support services, they aren’t making very much, if ANY money, if it’s peer support driven.

Be honest when asked questions by someone who’s trying to help you in this capacity, as far as one’s gastric bypass reversal.

We’re NOT asking because we’re nosy. I ask detailed questions, to a potential reversal patient, even though I’m NOT a clinically trained provider, to give the best support and insight as possible.

I can’t do that, if certain questions aren’t answered, when I ask them.

But if you choose to lie, realize whether it’s one of us peers or a clinically trained professional, most of us, have done this long enough, to know when someone is NOT being truthful.

For those who contact others about needing support and information, be RESPECTFUL.

I’m not, nor is others doing it for our own sake, other than wanting to provide valuable support.

I put boundaries that are necessary for everyone’s safety, both yours and mine.

As an activist especially, I have a duty to warn and protect and I take that very seriously.

IF I suspect that someone is behaving in a manner that could be harmful to themselves or others, I can’t nor can any peer or even clinical professional, resolve that, in an acute sense, I’m going to have to report any kind of suspicious or dangerous thinking and/or behaviors to emergency responders in one’s location.

That’s why I limit helping people to email queries, exclusively.

Although I’m pretty saavy on being able to find people, if I have their email address and I suspect they possibly will self harm.

I don’t give my phone number out any longer, because it/and myself was verbally abused, a long time ago.

For my sake, while I will try to participate when I see queries all over the internet, I’m NOT on social media, much.

But my blog is one of the first gastric bypass reversal resources that exists, when one uses a search engine.

The last thing and most important, know if you contact me, among others that I both named and not named, all of us try to help.

I know for me, I will with boundaries stated above, help someone to the best of my ability, for as long as it takes, to see them go through the reversal process with support and/or the opposite, where if someone has bariatric surgical regret, wants a reversal and they aren’t a candidate, because they mourn food as a coping mechanism, and I warn pre-ops they shouldn’t ever expect that their bariatric surgery can be reversed and support those who mourn food, in positive redirection knowing that a reversal may not guarantee an ability to return to eat normally, because those patients aren’t going to get one for that reason, as well as the other risks.

I don’t expect anything more except hopefully, respect and possibly a thank you for those I go out of my way to help.

But if I invest my time and my caring, just like any of us, to talk to someone for several months or if not several years on the internet and if one can’t be bothered to be respectful or grateful (luckily those people are few and far between) don’t get mad when you’re not in acute medical and/or mental health crisis, any longer, that I will sever contact at that point.

I don’t mind helping as much and as long as it takes to help someone, especially if they’re appreciative.

I do mind, and so will your surgeon, as well as it will set off warning bells, if one is belligerent to a person trying to help another.

As not only do I have my own problems, as well as other people I help who are in crisis but  grateful for my help,  a bariatric  surgeon will be concerned on doing any kind of surgery on a patient where they’re questioning a patient’s mental fitness and potential compliance of what a reversal takes, if a patient comes off rude, mean and/or a know it all.

I know this was wordy, but given again, the nature of how much this topic is still being researched, I figured it deserved another blog on how to best help patients when they need a gastric bypass reversal.

And when they don’t.

Note: I don’t mind constructive feedback. Any rude comments will NOT be addressed. Thanks!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gastric Bypass Reversals-101

Disclaimer: I’m a medical and mental health activist, NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. When in medical and/or mental health crisis, please seek medical/mental health treatment, in acute care facility, immediately.

However, the nature of this topic which is gastric bypass reversals, while it’s not something I’m concentrating my activism as a blogger, on, as of late, it’s something I’m always “on call” for, because I’m probably the most public person out there, who’s farthest away from my reversal, being almost 7 1/2 years status post open roux-en-y gastric bypass reversal and over 16 years status post laparoscopic roux-en-y gastric bypass.

While nothing I ever say, SHOULD EVER be taken in lieu of professional medical or mental health issues, I have a little more leeway in this topic and credibility, as far as giving my opinion, at least about reversals of when they should be done and when they shouldn’t be.

For one, I can’t do ANY of the  bariatric surgeries or a take down of them.

I can only tell people when I think they are necessary and when I think they are NOT.

Or agree and/or disagree and give my opinions when the topic of gastric bypass reversals come up, that’s it.

Gastric bypass reversal outcomes, if you use a search engine, there is clinical medical data out there, but it’s VERY limited.

The nature of a reversal being needed, makes it the outcome pretty difficult to predict, other than that it will usually save a person’s life and/or now, when they are being done, when the quality of life of a gastric bypass patient, is so reduced, more so than the potential that any of the co-morbidities of Obesity and Super Morbid Obesity, could ever present to a patient, that it will improve their quality of life and or at least arrest certain complications, like long term nutritional deficiencies that can cause serious and irreversible complications from getting worse (I’m not talking about patients who don’t take their vitamins, I’ve addressed this topic in other blogs).

With some caveats, which I will explain as I go along.

Most people are surprised to find out that I am bariatric surgery “positive”, without serious promotion of it.

I am a medical activist and advocate, I do believe that bariatric surgery, up to and including gastric bypass, are the Obese and Super Morbidly Obese patients best chance of losing a lot of weight and keeping it off, long term.

I am not digressing when I say the same, with Opiates, I believe they for those who have severe chronic pain, have exhausted all other treatment options for pain.

That being said, I obviously, like most medical providers and medical activists , believe that to be true, both with bariatric surgery and opiates, ONLY as a last resort, because of complications and things that can go wrong, even when the most qualified medical professionals are involved, with the most compliant patients.

There are many reasons why a bariatric surgeon will tell a patient that they need a reversal, the reasons are varied and that should NORMALLY be between a surgeon and/or another medical professional and a patient.

Because those reasons are complex and too numerous for me to list, I’m not going to bother putting all the reasons why a reversal is sometimes needed.

However, when it comes to a patient wanting a reversal for medical reasons (I’m about to make another point, bear with me) but a surgeon NOT wanting to do a reversal, there are cases, which I get contacted about, because a surgeon doesn’t want to do a reversal, not necessarily for the right reasons.

Meaning, I will get bariatric patients who find me, are going to die from their complications and the ONLY reason they are given for a reversal not being done, is because of a surgeon’s fear of of a patient gaining all their weight back.

My surgeon wisely told me, as he did both my gastric bypass (2001) and reversal (2010) that my complications which I would’ve died from, posed a greater threat than the co-morbidities of Obesity ever could present to me and for how much sicker I got drastically (I had complications from 2002, 1st hospitalization in 2004, many from 2006 to 2010, especially in 2010) I wouldn’t have lived long enough to gain all my weight back, like I actually did, in my super unusual case for a patient who had long term severe complications from late 2007 to late 2009 due to meds, even though I couldn’t eat very much and projectile vomited anything and nothing I ate due to those pesky ulcer bleeds.

Usually, when patients find me who are are super sick from their complications, have had many complications and are in and out of the hospital most of the time, quite a few have feeding tubes, chances are, they are NOT going to live long enough to have to worry about co-morbidities that are typical of Obesity.

I usually tell them to find another surgeon. Because usually in these cases, their lives depend upon that.

And usually they do find a surgeon, where if a reversal is the best option, who perform them, successfully.

I also have to deal with gastric bypass patients who are TOLD to have a reversal, but don’t want one, because they are afraid of getting fat again.

I don’t take that personally, even being unusual, being heavier of needing a reversal to save my life.

It usually goes beyond the scope of most bariatric patients that if they have gastric bypass or any other weight loss surgery to lose weight and become healthier, that it’s inconceivable to them, they could possibly become sicker and/or die, than the co-morbidities of Obesity, could ever present, like I said before, quoting my surgeon.

Those patients, I can usually only take so far.

While I help quite a few of them, because I’m quite blunt in saying, that they are going to DIE, usually in their cases, they won’t live long enough to get fat again and I urge them, like I urge anyone that I help to get both medical and mental health help that goes beyond acute care.

Although acute medical and mental health professional help, is needed in most of those patients.

Also,  I have to explain to a lot of patients, whether they had an ideal outcome, but especially in catastrophic ones, they aren’t (on rare occasion, there is extreme self sabotage or they weren’t ideal candidates and should’ve never made it through the pre-operative bariatric surgical process) to blame for their complications, moderate to severe.

Bariatric surgery, all of them, is a supposed to be a tool, not a form of torture.

While it’s not meant to be comfortable, it’s not meant to be agonizing, either.

Which brings up, the last few populations of bariatric patients (or their families) I get queries from, who want and or need help.

Those who don’t have complications that aren’t anything that’s considered abnormal in the realm of having bariatric surgery, in the first year, that any competent surgeon (which I realize, there are some bad surgeons, but there are a lot of good ethical ones, too) and their teams would’ve warned them from the start.

Such as how little one person can eat after a gastric bypass and while I know most patients are warned and are prepared, some can’t deal with it, after the fact.

Or there are a few who weren’t actually warned.

We were warned 16 years ago of what to expect, as far as having to re-learn how to eat again, in my pre-surgery process and it’s way more extensive now, as far as preparing a potential bariatric surgical patient of what to expect and the fact that complications including death, can happen.

But a reversal isn’t done, in cases where patients are truly devastated about how little they can eat, right after surgery.

Lastly, here’s a few other major things people need to know about gastric bypass reversals:

NO pre-operative gastric bypass patient should think that they can easily be reversed.

They can’t easily be reversed and they aren’t reversed, due to “buyer’s remorse”.

I get pre-ops who find me, who want that as an emotional insurance policy, that if they change their mind, after the fact, that they can just  “get it undone” .

No, gastric bypass pre-operatives should NOT assume that a reversal can be done, in cases of bariatric surgical regret (without complications) , because it IS risky (but needed as I’ve tried to explain in this and other blogs).

No bariatric surgeon, for that reason, among many, is willing to do a reversal, unless someone’s health or life, dictates it’s necessary, as a last resort for reasons, that I’ve stated and that a surgeon can elaborate on, should the topic come up between patient and provider.

I try to help anyone, who’s receptive and honest with me about their circumstances, again, with urging them, if it’s necessary, to be under the care of multiple clinical professionals, other than a surgeon and their team.

I do in these cases, because for one, not only do I know people who’ve done well long term after gastric bypass, I’m actually biologically related to one.

I also know that usually with time, when people have “bariatric surgery remorse” that isn’t complication driven, they usually get over it, in time, when they start to experience all the good things that their gastric bypasses will bring them (i.e. the positives of major weight loss)  and usually they get past devastating regret.

Which requires above, 2 separate support systems, truthfully as far as peers, as most people don’t understand initially, that bariatric buyer’s remorse does happen and aren’t as supportive as they could be.

On the flip side, when patients do accept their surgeries and what’s good about it, it’s still life changing, in under the most optimal circumstances, so that’s where the peers of the weight loss surgery community can help, life long, for those people.

Sadly, the very hardest population of people that I have to help, are people who’ve had such catastrophic complications, they couldn’t be reversed and either have died, or are in long term care facilities, and their families contact me, in wondering if a reversal would’ve or could’ve helped saved their loved one’s life.

Or there are a few patients, where either due to a bad surgeon or a good surgeon’s bad judgement, or just plain horrible luck, they had either such catastrophic complications and multiple revisions and can’t be reversed and are waiting for a stomach transplant or some other extremely rarer intervention than a reversal, and they are spending the rest of their lives in acute care setting (usually a hospital) because they are too medically complex and fragile, to be anywhere else.

Again, not being a clinically trained professional, but after having some idea of being exposed to so many people’s stories (thousands, in the last 7 years!!!) , I have to usually go by what patients tell me what happened, what their surgeons (if it’s the original surgeon or someone else who’s cleaning up another’s surgeon’s mess or if someone had unexpected complications and the surgeon retired, i.e.) said, but I don’t believe all bariatric surgeons are bad or negligent.

Most bariatric surgeons are good and intend to do good, with the medical and mental health long term outcomes of their patients.

And I do defend bariatric surgeon’s judgements on a individual basis, whether they recommend or NOT  recommend a reversal, depending on the individual circumstances, all the time.

Unfortunately, initially, that does put me in a unique position. I get where so many people when they need or want a reversal come up, either for medical reasons or mental health ones, where I can say things (very,very, VERY carefully!!!),  that a normally much better qualified in any other topic, medically and mentally trained clinically professional, sometimes can’t for the reasons I explained in this blog.

Bariatric surgeons are sometimes can be likened to  mechanics, they  can possibly fix medical problems, if we are equating a body (which is a lot more complicated) than a car, if we use a car analogy.

Psychologists are like the emotional mechanics, of why people need help with “car repairs” if they keep “crashing their cars”, that can beyond the physical.

But this is a tricky instance, where if  patients have had mental or medical health issues due to being fat, have unresolved eating disordered issues, where medical and mental health interventions AND peer support with people who’ve been in a similar situation, can really only help when it comes to the bariatric community, with obviously a lot of clinically trained medical and mental health support, too.

And/or if you need a gastric bypass reversal, where our particular community is limited on what we can predict as a reversal outcome, but extremely peer supportive, given the unique circumstances that require our surgeries being reversed.

I have touched upon the things people need to know about themselves, the limitations of both patients and providers, as well as the fact, that most people, their lives are saved, when a surgeon says they need a gastric bypass reversal, or they do have a better quality of life.

It’s usually though not right away, especially for those who live and nearly die longer (i.e usually within 3 years status post rny) than those of us, who had a reversal, later.

I did have a better outcome than a lot of people, but NOT right away, it took years. And all of us who I know who had straight takedowns (there is a trend of surgeons now reversing and then doing a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, that’s not weight related) but had complications longer, usually have something.

In my case, I have gastroparesis, like most, but not bad. It took years for my labs to come back to a low side of normal. I can eat without getting sick, usually. I have though severe heartburn, the second I eat or drink anything.

I never regained a sense of hunger, even though I did regain a sense of satiation. I can eat quite a bit. But not often and not for like 4-6 hours at the very earliest, from waking up.

But there are still foods I can’t eat (hamburgers or meatballs, cruciferous veggies) without getting sick. My severe reactive hypoglycemia does come back  and I do start blacking out, if I forget to eat (which does happen) and/or wait too long. Or calorically go too low, which is like 1200 calories or under.

So while I can eat a lot, it’s usually infrequent, that I do so, because it’s uncomfortable to have too much food in a sluggish digestive system.

But medically, it took at least 2 years, to really heal from reversal….

But all of us vary, who’ve had a gastric bypass reversal, in both what our short term and long term outcomes were.

I hope this helps. I am putting this out here, knowing that this blog is really wordy and while my blogging activism, as well as having personal issues, not within the realm of my control, didn’t make writing this NOW, an ideal time, as far as being concise.

But apparently is needed, now, for what people are searching for in on search engines, the realm of what to expect and when a reversal is needed and why bariatric surgeons, medical professionals and seasoned reversal patients can’t forecast another’s outcome post-reversal.

I can be contacted here or my private email address or on Facebook, as Lisa Kasen (not on social media much, here is better) as well as there is a gastric bypass reversal group on Facebook, for those looking for more information, from a peer perspective regarding a gastric bypass reversal.

Note: PLEASE don’t make defend both my advocating for those who have had complications, bariatric surgery regret, as well as defending those who are happy who had weight loss surgery whether they had an ideal outcome or not.

In my case, I have to ethically do what I feel is right, as a non clinically trained medical and mental activist,  knowing people who died waiting for a surgical intervention for their Obesity and died of Obesity related co-morbidities, but also knowing people who’ve died as a result of catastrophic complications, post bariatric surgery from their gastric bypass complications.

Thanks…

“It’s NOT fair/Bad Example”……

lisa1010smoking

You wanna bad example??? Or examples of things NOT being fair…

I’m not writing this blog for my subscribers, it’s to respond to comments regarding my weight, where for a refreshing change, as it applies to some in the bariatric surgical community.

Versus the “fat people” hate, I’ve been getting lately…..

Here are your trigger warnings: I talk about intentional weight loss, so if that it’s a trigger or profanity, please don’t read.

HOWEVER, if you’re like some weight loss surgery peeps who like most people can’t figure out how someone almost 16 years post gastric bypass keeps off some weight (a little over half, at this point) and are confused what my 2nd bariatric surgery was, I’ll make it crystal clear and through in some proof, and I’ll hopefully I’ll NEVER have to blog about this again.

So, I’m minding my own business, today (like I do EVERYDAY) . I’ve been homebound last couple of days due to not feeling well, when I get an email regarding my gastric bypass “reversal”.

Well it was an email reaming me out by someone who had bariatric surgery around the same time that I had my reversal and was calling out me out on the fact that I have kept off some weight (at this point over 1/2 excess and regain, which by bariatric surgeons’s standards makes my gastric bypass, a SUCCESS, as the usual universal standard for bariatric surgical success, is keeping 1/2 excess weight post operatively…Heh)  and they had gained all their weight back by their 4th year post operative gastric bypass  and was looking to have a revision, even though they said they had been fairly compliant.

And had found me both on ObesityHelp.com and my Facebook page and had an issue that I could exercise and eat what I want, but that I was playing with fire, eating carte blanche and ruining my surgeon’s efforts to not only help me once, with weight but TWICE. As they didn’t believe I was reversed, but revised.

I am not saying the above with any judgement, as far as weight gain, post operatively. I know from being in the weight loss surgery communities now, for almost 16 years there is so many factors, that play into weight regain.

As well as my own experience with gaining my almost all my weight back, starting almost 7 years post gastric bypass due to psych meds.

The specifics and timetable of complications, regain and “reversal” are covered in many blogs on here.

I usually support the weight loss surgery community as a long term peer, best through OH.com. 90% of what I have to say is to help others, is received positively, including and especially from OH.com staff. The other 10% is really negative from fellow bariatric surgical peers, purposely misconstrued because I think my “reversal” status, if a bariatric patient can believe it, scares the HELL out of them, and that I get, if they are not emotional terrorists about it. Or my issues make them feel better about themselves, which makes them an emotional terrorist, picking on me, for no reasons.

While I support people who’ve had complications and/or reversals , through my blog, Facebook and OH.com, OH.com allows me to give advice when people ask for it, as a long term peer, even when they didn’t have complications, but the many different life adjustments that happen life long post weight loss surgery.

And UNLIKE most of my peers who’ve had nearly life ending and life ruining complications, I’m weight loss surgery positive, with ALL the weight loss surgeries, including gastric bypass.

Because while I know people who’ve died waiting for a serious medical intervention for bariatric surgical complications, I also know people who died for weight related health reasons who died WANTING, more than anything, bariatric surgery.

This is what I don’t understand. NO ONE is forced at gunpoint to read ANYTHING I write on the internet.

I go out of my way, for free, given all this free time I now have, that I NEVER asked for, due to multiple complex medical, mental and cognitive disabilities, to try and help people, the majority of time I’m on the internet.

I admit, I wasn’t perfectly compliant. I was a moderate smoker, at the time of my gastric bypass, who NEVER quit. That’s it. I didn’t drink alcohol, I take/took my vitamins, ate with compliance and exercised.

I didn’t ask for a gastric bypass reversal, which is what I had. I had to have one to save my life and to maintain what little life that I would have, should I live through my complications, should the reversal work.

And guess what??? The only thing that is not even guaranteed, is that one will most likely live through their reversal vs. die from their complications. Or have somewhat of a better health outcome, because no one goes into bariatric surgery either thinking they will have complications or weight of a starving person, or in my case, where I was heavier than most people reversed, the labs of a starving person, multiple complications and a primary reason for reversal was so I didn’t internally bleed to death.

And before any weight loss surgery peeps blame me as a smoker, while I don’t advise smoking, I know people who smoked a lot and drank a lot and never had a G.I. bleed.

I don’t go to anyone’s spaces on the internet, tell them what they are doing wrong with their life, how they should look, behave and weigh.

All I’m asking is for the same fucking courtesy…..

You wanna know what’s not fair, as it applies to me, as well as my family, is that I was compliant.

That I should’ve been known as a bariatric specializing Certified Personal Trainer and successful small business owner who was a mother of 2 and loves her kids more than anything.

Not the trainwreck that my life became post gastric bypass, epic nervous breakdown and suicide attempt in 2008, that makes me NOW, known as the wordy reversed chick.

I will try to help almost anyone, with anything I can, as far as my time, to help, restricted to online.

But please don’t be a bariatric surgical peep telling me that life post operatively from a gastric bypass perspective, was fucking more fair to me, it was NOT. Even though I’ve heard stories and supported people who had it worse than me, and if they lived, they don’t go around telling others how unfair it was, compared to other bariatric surgical outcomes that didn’t have complications. Or people who had not as many major ones.

Not to mention those who did die from their complications.

Not all reversed gastric bypass peeps can eat like I can. And guess what, I can’t eat carte blanche, but I can eat somewhat normally, after almost 7 years post reversal and that I’m grateful for.

And am not going to apologize for that. Or living the little life that I have, without micromanaging my weight and what I eat, for the rest of my life.

My bariatric surgeon in early 2010, during my 1st hospitalization of that year, when I was begging for a revision, wouldn’t revise me, due to the extent of my complications. 6 months later when he brought a reversal to save my life, he made it clear, that was my only choice to live and while he never made one negative comment about my weight (as he understood meds played into my enormous regain, without being able to eat much or keep down what I ate, due to those bleeding ulcers).

As well he NEVER suggested any type of non surgical weight loss treatment, but did it make it clear, that if I’d gain a lot of weight, I’d most likely be ineligible for ANY of the bariatric surgeries, regardless of how much I weighed (if I’d become morbidly to supermorbidly obese) or if I’d develop co-morbids, but I was more at risk for dying due to how I responded to a perfectly performed rny.

So that’s why I make some effort to keep some of my  weight off. And don’t feel like I failed the world at large or the bariatric surgical community that I’m not thin, any longer.

I’m really fucking sick of having to explain all of this. Over and over again.

And of all of the judgement people have NO problem throwing my way.

I get that there are people out there, who have to I guess blame, bully and bother complete strangers that NO ONE is forcing them to pay attention, to.

I’m not even fucking asking, for people to pay attention to me.

IF you really care about what’s unfair, how about kids who get cancer and killed in schools??? Or about both children and adults who lose loved ones due to illness, accidents, injury??? Which is what I’m kind of really stressing out about, mostly. Among other things. I live 2 blocks away from a level 1 trauma center, which I hear the sirens all the time.

And here in Minneapolis today, an innocent person died due to being at work and people were injured when a school had a gas explosion. And it feels worse to even have to think that if that gas explosion occurred 6 weeks from now, it would’ve been catastrophic.

So hopefully that clears up how I feel about people having no problem harassing me, in this case about my gastric bypass reversal but trying and being able to keep some weight off.

And if you don’t believe I had a reversal, here you go:


There’s no coding for gastric bypass reversals. The above should tell you anyone, even though it’s really none of their fucking business, and certainly not to judge, if discredit, my medical history, that I’ve only been forthcoming about my medical and mental health issues to help others.

Although if you’re going to do something so shitty, like others do to me about my reversal and regain/keeping some weight off issues, better to do it to me, than to someone who’s possibly in both medical and mental health crisis and you could seriously emotionally harm.

I’ve lived through enough shit that while I don’t love all the inaccurate assumptions about my life and life choices, I’ll be okay.

Someone else, though, may NOT be. Knock this kind of shit, off……

Seriously!!! For those who do this kind of crap, shame on you!!!

Note:  You can’t defend the hate and hurtful comments that I and others like me, receive in these instances. Don’t even try. The only reason why this is being blogged is that I’ve gotten enough crap about all aspects of my weight and bariatric surgical outcome and I”m really fucking sick and tired of it.

And have a right to defend myself and others like me, who may not have a voice……

And if for whatever reason, people can’t see how toxic they are, when they tell people who didn’t ask them for input, about why someone, post operatively is able to keep weight off, when they can’t, feel free to ENJOY(for the wrong reasons)/RESENT/THINK I’M THE UGLIEST WOMAN WHO’S UNFORTUATELY FOR YOU STILL ALIVE of the pics of me living my life and what I look like to being okay looking to horrifically sick, when it’s been HELL to life when it was great, but at least I’m ALIVE (pics, at all different weights in the last 2 1/2 decades), in my previous blog, that was meant for those who hate on me, cause I’m too fat….

Also note, when a blog that I really shouldn’t have had to write, requires me, to go into my medical records and it’s something that’s painful for me (also discussed in many other blogs) for an hour to hunt “proof” of having a gastric bypass reversal, I had to edit blog within 90 minutes of publishing, for clarification of intent….

“State of Misgrace”……

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(pic of me taken at Downtown Minneapolis Target) 7-1-2017.

Here’s what Google and search engines terms on WP tell me what you wanna know about me:

IF you’re a fat person hater (more about that, in THIS blog), Yeah, I am fat as fuck, over 15 1/2 years after gastric bypass surgery AND my sentence syntax still sucks, as well as YOUR search engine skills (and YOUR psyche) really SUCK, as I’m not hiding on social media(um ever hear of Facebook where my profile and pics is public and there’s like 2 people with my name out of 2 billion and only one “unstapledlisa on the planet, you dumb hateful fuckers) , this is far from the first/current full body pic, that you’ve managed not to found out about me, or anything else “hateable” about me.

IF you’re a weight loss/weight loss surgery peep who hates on people in the community (many of you don’t, that’s why I still co-exist in the wls communities :)), I ALREADY know you won’t EVER be like me, with complications and more importantly, that you won’t ever gain ANY of your weight back, like me AND at 2 1/2 years status post of weight loss surgery of your choice( the average length of time post surgery of my community of wls haters) , you ALREADY know everything, so congrats on both your XXX lbs gone FOREVER and being a bariatric surgical PRODIGY!!!

And fucking FINALLY, if you’re a Fat Acceptance advocate, I still defend my right to lose weight and anyone’s elses and find thin bashing STILL just as repugnant as fat bashing and/or not accepting and being respectful of people’s right to do with their OWN bodies, their business, so yeah, I’m epically failing as a FA, too.

NOW that we got the fun of BODY POLITICS outta the way, wanna talk about just good ole fashion “normal” (heh!) politics????)

***Trigger Warning/s: Even though this blog is more of an update/personal nature blog than activism, because I talk about serious subjects, even when I’m venting/ranting, which if a picture explanation, is just THAT wordy and ranty, I have a feeling that this will be much more of a “fun” blog to write, than it will be to read.

It’s too bad  I can’t rent my blog/me out, as a sedative.

HOWEVER, even when “venting” , I talk about serious subjects and sometimes when NOT in “activist” mode, make a little fun of them (my own issues). IF you’re easily triggered by serious topics and/or are a danger of hurting yourself or others, PLEASE seek professional help in acute care facility for evaluation and treatment. Also, if you’re triggered by profanity, please don’t read. Thanks!!!!***

Okay, with above business being taken care, I’m kinda pissed that I couldn’t title this blog “Fuck You 2017 and Fuck You, 47th year”.  Like I did with my birthday blog from last December. Well, I mean I could, it’s still a free country (no,not really) and there is still freedom of speech (no, not really, EITHER).

It’s more like there’s consequences (depending on who you are and I think because of KARMA (which I’m still NOT sure I believe in) or not, depending on who you are, or who you aren’t.

Or a scary amount of disproportionate consequences (or not) from your actions or lack of actions, regardless of how well meaning, misguided, to the downright evilness of intentions, depending on the person.

That’s the FUCKING problem, I’m dealing with, nowadays. I know what my problems are, genuine and irrational. I know how lucky I am, in a lot of ways. I’m still ALIVE, everyone I love the most is still ALIVE and my life is NOT the LIVING HELL that it was in 2006 to 2011.

But as the oldest and ongoing winner of the Ms. “has a fucking frightening lack of responsibilities in the” Universe pageant, my life ain’t the fucking bowl of cherries, it should be.

Or it’s one that I keep choking on the pits, so to speak.

When I think of my life, exactly 14 years ago, I was a full time employed single Mom of 2, with a great new baby girl and an awesome almost 11 year old son, who just returned back to work, after a 3+ month maternity leave (DAMN, I USED to be really good with money, among a zillion other things, then) my life wasn’t anything resembling this fucking hard, as it is now.

While I count my blessings for what great people my children have turned out to be and how sad I am, that I had so little to do with that (if you’re a new reader, that’s covered in many previous blogs).

I’m just really sad that this just seems to be such a fucked up scary world for them to exist in. And I can’t do much to protect them from that, except warn them of potential hazards, not going overboard, as I really don’t want to sully any kind of more positive outlook on life, they may have, compared to my outlook, but at the same time, I don’t want life to give them a big ole punch (ok, many fucking punches) in the gut, that they will hopefully survive (as well as THRIVE)  better, than their mother seemed capable of.

I just don’t want that to be my fucking legacy to them, my legacy to myself and/ or the world, for the matter(s).

And while I’ve accumulated, some (ok, very little) wisdom that normally comes with age and know who I am and am secure with who I am, as well as messed up about how my life turned out, I don’t want my legacy and/or my current identity tied up as “the loving single mother who had the great life experience of having 2 great kids, sharing a plane with Princess Diana (in 1996, also in other blogs) and the screwed up luck of having mental health issues that I was unaware of at the time in 2001, going into a gastric bypass, that I was lucky enough to have a brilliant surgeon who performed a technically performed bariatric surgery that I responded physically HORRIBLY to and nearly died from, and lost my crap and nearly got committed (also in other blogs) who ended up needing a gastric bypass reversal and is now a very wordy medical and mental health activist”…..

YIKES!!! That was a mouthful!!! It’s also the reason why the owner of this brain is not on Twitter, very much. Let alone social media (which I’ve written other blogs about) very much anymore.

I get that in this wordy ranty blog of mine, it’s taking me now 1100 words to make a point/s.

And like no one, except for me (on occasion) has that kind of attention span in 2017. And most people don’t have the time or the inclination to dwell on matters of this nature, even though as UNRELATABLE as most of my blogs are, to most people, I apparently resonate with quite a few, as my blog has been read in 87 countries (fun fact!!!) and 6 continents (Seriously, WTF, Antarctica, don’t people dwell about serious shit at 3 a.m, too???).

Apparently, some of my blogs, such as my most read blog, to date which the “The Project Harpoon People Can GO Fuck Themselves” (way to go ME, for keeping it classy and concise, right??) that I wrote 2 years ago, which I found myself the target of a group of haters on a site called Voat called “FatPeopleHate”  that popped up after the Harpoon peeps got shut down on Twitter, that I found a few weeks ago.

It’s not the first time I had found myself a target of haters or Fat Acceptance hatred. It was the first time of being eviscerated by a large group of people (1100 to be exact, holy shit, right???)  too mean, stupid and hateful to find out anything other about me, than I am wordy blogger who blogs about Fat Acceptance and had a gastric bypass (that and a bunch of other stuff about me, was in particular blog) that I apparently epically failed and was a bitter, ugly, fat as fuck 500 lb ugly chick who can’t write a simple sentence. And was hiding behind a blog.

Cause it’s not like I have full body pics from different times in my life to current times that are PUBLIC and can be found in about 2 seconds, when doing a search engine on me or my blog name, which I actually do have. And it’s not okay to body shame anyone in the manner they shamed me, regardless of how much I would weigh.

I guess that serves me right for finding that group, when “Googling” myself at 3 a.m…

I’m at  almost 1400 words (FUCK!!!)  and I’m finally am going to make my points!!! YAY!!!

I still at rotten overripe,oversized  and old age and person (by weight and looks) at an average size 14 and 47 1/2 in age,  get judged way more for what I look like and what I weigh (depending how fat or not fat enough, depending on who you’re asking) than anything I ever fucking  did or anything I ever fucking said.

By both people who know me well and people who don’t fucking know me at all. Or people who’s responsibilities are to know me better and/or not judge me (i.e. medical professionals/see past blogs on “md-ptsd”, although I advocate for clinically trained medical and mental health professionals, as they are their essence, human beings).

I get my own barriers and my unique barriers in resolving some of my issues. I even have the understanding of others barriers. And have empathy for most people.

EXCEPT for fucking  murder/suicide perpetrators, rapists, pedophiles and people who hate on any class of people for any reason, whether its on me or others and I can live with that.

I’m just having so much fucking trouble adapting to a world, that seems as it gets so technologically advanced, people become more scary and uncivilized to me. And I can’t do anything about that, other than to bring awareness, that while I know my own issues, that it could help, with removing stigma about so many things, for others to be aware of their own issues that could possibly interfere with others right to a safe and peaceful enjoyment life, too.

Not just for my sake. But for those who I love the most (i.e. my children) and so many innocent others, where we at a time, never had so much that should unite us, but is also dividing so many, at the same time.  Or that HATRED is uniting people, way more than acceptance (and again, if that doesn’t work, try apathy, yes, I said apathy not empathy. you don’t have to like, let alone love on something you’re predisposed to hate on, but try to at least be indifferent, OK?) should be and how terrifying I find all of this to be.

(see, for the 2 of you, non-haters, the above 5 paragraphs is the worthwhile reason I wrote this blog/you were rewarded for your patience)

How the FUCK do we FIX that!?!?

If you know, feel free and tell me, so. Try to be respectful about it, though, OK? I don’t go either in others online or offline spaces to make them feel unsafe. Either intentionally or unintentionally (though you now have a current pic, of what I look like, if you see me out and about). I know that this obscenely overweight smoking redhead does her fair share of scaring people, unintentionally, when out and about, in Downtown Minneapolis where I reside (which if that’s the case, stay home, because I’m definitely not the scariest thing  that you’ll encounter down here), I respect the right of others peaceful and safe enjoyment of their own lives, both in their private, public, offline and online spaces.

And wish that fucking everyone realized that everyone has a right to that. And now, over 2000 words, later, I made fucking finally made my point/s.

Note: If the rantiness and wordiness of this blog didn’t give you the clue, that I’m absolutely not going to give a shit, let alone post anything that has no resemblance to my “agreeing to disagree” respectfully stance, don’t waste my time or your own, by sending me something that I won’t read and I won’t publish, both in hatred of me, or any other.

 

“MD-PTSD”….When doctors do more harm than help…

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I hoped that the next blog that I would write, would be in the realm of activism regarding mental health,  not talking about another devastating encounter with a new physician.

I admit that I  not an easy patient to treat. As I’ve said in previous blogs that my disabilities make it hard to express myself in logical sequence of order and in complete thought processes, which can make me difficult to understand.

It’s compounded a bazillion times, between anxiety, due to the fact I do have mental health issues, I have temporarily abused drugs, twice, in my life, that I’m quite forthcoming in this blog about that and the labeling I’ve experienced.

I had seen my long term PCP 2 weeks ago. Because we were at an impasse with my medication management, I had agreed to see a pain management specialist to give insight to the both of us, of what would be the best course of action.

As my physician didn’t feel comfortable increasing my dosages and I metabolize meds or have bad side effects to so many medications.

Or they just don’t work at all.

I was able to get into pain management today. I had anxiety of course, which I explained and it was hard for me to be concise.

While the pain management specialist was forthcoming about that she didn’t necessarily agree with my medication regimen, she didn’t agree or understand that after all the doctor visits I’ve had in my life, in the last 10 years between mental health and my gastric bypass complications, that I at this point didn’t want to see a bunch of doctors again and because of the severity of side effects from so many drugs, I didn’t want to try any new medications.

Nor did I want to be taken off the medications that I was currently on.

It was a long intake appointment with the understanding that while she didn’t agree with my being on opiates, that she’d leave that up to my long term PCP and she said, very clearly, that  she wouldn’t interfere with that.

So I did shoot off my prescribing physician, a few hours after I got home, a message of what transpired in my visit with her, while it was fresh in my mind, as I knew that it wasn’t a stellar visit for either one of us.  I detailed what she agreed with my physician, and of her urging me to be under the care of clinical mental health professionals and follow pain management modalities .

Unfortunately for me, I took her at her word that she said she would NOT interfere with my doctor continuing on my current medication regimen. That she appreciated as a pain management specialist, that I am concerned between having mental health issues, that I don’t want to have addiction issues and I would rather not be medicated at all for pain then risk addiction and becoming either a prescription drug addict or trying street drugs, something I’ve never done.

I try to treat myself, from a patient perspective, because I have an addictive personality and mental illness, of knowing that could be the case and it’s a mixed blessing that opiates don’t work as well as they should, because if they did, my circumstances could be a whole different story, and I’d have full blown addiction issues, which I don’t, but it’s nothing short of a miracle that I don’t.

Things that I’m completely honest about. Among other humiliating things in my life.

So imagine my surprise, after shooting my long term physician,  a recap of my visit, tonight, then deciding to check out my after visit summary from my appointment this afternoon, that not only did she think I was somewhat a mentally unstable non compliant  hypochondriac but that she was recommending I get taken off my medications.

Which is a complete contradiction and LIE, from with her at the end of my appointment clearly telling me that she would not interfere with my medication management being done by my long term provider.

Unfortunately for me, it’s my word against hers, a physician.

I’ve had doctors tell me, straight out,that they think I’m a drug addict. I’ve had ER docs when I’d be in the ER for my gastric bypass complications, at Fairview University Medical Center,  even bringing my meds and being compliant with controlled substances, having a ton of them, in their bottles, of them thinking I was drug seeking, when I wasn’t looking for drugs, but diagnostics such as with the pesky intractable projecile vomiting blood due to my ulcers both prior to gastric bypass reversal and after it.

Just based upon the fact I was a bariatric patient with my one and only suicide attempt, trying to use controlled substances to intentionally overdose, that’s explained on my 1st blog on here, in greater detail .

As well as being honest about an inability to be compliant on non controlled substances like ibuprofen (which I didn’t take much of prior to my gastric bypass reversal or of meds like Imitrex, PPIs, and meds in other therapy classes, other than controlled subtances, because I metabolize medications so bizarrely).

Which I’ve been quite forthcoming with providers as well on this blog. There are shades of grey, with patients’s prescription drug use. I’m obviously not compliant with most meds, it’s impossible to be, because my tolerance to so many meds, in so many therapy classes, not just with narcotics, is so high. But I by no means habitually abuse controlled substances, something that she said herself and somewhat congratulated me for, towards the end of my appointment.

Both unfortunately for me and HER, the pain management specialist I saw today,  I did do a Google search before my appointment, to get an idea of her medication philosophies (usually pro Butrans, something she thought I should consider, but apprently not, given her recommendation to my long term provider).

I also found that she nearly had her OWN license suspended due to drugs. Almost 2 years ago and the conditions of her “stay of suspension”, so that she could keep practicing medicine. Her conditions of being able to retain her license, which she is now under, is the fact she can’t be in possession or write a script for controlled substances for 5 years, in addition to other requirements for her to retain her  license and/or be eligible to apply for losing those conditions.

I don’t take any satisfaction in that. Both as a patient and as an advocate who’s trying to de-stigmatize and create dialogue about drug addiction amongst both providers and patients.

As well as in doing all the research I had to do past blogs, as a medical activist, as well as make an informed decision about my medication management I’ve thought about discussing physicians who struggle with drug addiction and trying to de-stigmatize that, too.

Because I fully am aware and sensitive to the fact, that physicians are patients, too.

It’s absolutely  NOT  okay, what I was put through today by her. It’s now going into a weekend.  I can’t talk about this to my own provider, until early next week. I did write a scathing message to the pain management specialist about her lie, and I am now  going to  be filing a grievance against her with the hospital system. And also against the hospital system, themselves.

Which I’ve talked about “md-ptsd” and I have filed one grievance before, with that hospital, which is in another blog.

I’m just beyond stunned, of  the hypocrisy that the hospital has, as well as that provider. They have a a more stringent standard of expectations on their patients, that they don’t even have for their OWN physicians. As it’s a travesty that my suicide attempt and being mentally ill, that history is held against me, apparently for the rest of my life by any provider, but her own isn’t?

How is that ethically fair? To not only as me, as a patient but any other patient who is seeing this physician, have any chance to be treated ethically and honestly, as she has bias, in addition to her own mental health issues and addiction issues  that create an inability for her to be effective of in providing fair  care to her patients.

Especially, especially, ESPECIALLY given the specialty she’s treating patients….

Lisa definition of “md-ptsd” (a “Lisaism” you won’t find in DSM V) – extreme psychological and physical distress of seeing clinically trained medical and mental health physicians, due to my being labeled as drug seeking hypochondriac, post epic mental health breakdown and suicide attempt in 2008. But I have also mentioned that I was drug tested prior to being put on opiates, during ER visits, since I had my gastric bypass.

So now, it’s made my “md-ptsd” expotentially  worse. I don’t love when doctors treat me like crap. That’s why I rarely seek medical attention, any longer. What I usually did in the past with unpleasant encounters when I’m being treated clearly with bias, due to having mental health issues, is I leave. I’ve left ER visits, including ones that I needed further attention. I’ve left appointments in the middle of a visit. I can be mean and not mince words, when doctors treat me like an unstable drug seeking hypochondriac, but I only use words and leave, if I’m going to be reactive (which most of the time, I’m NOT) . That’s it.

You want an example of that? Certainly. I’ll say to a doctor when they come off condescencingly and judgemental that I’m a mentally unstable and drug seeking hypochondriac with maybe other bias towards me (such as weight and being a cigarette smoker) that I’ll say “Wow, I didn’t know Walmart had a school of medicine!!!”.

I’m appalled and devastated, though that a pain management specialist with her own drug problems would do that to a patient who admitted everything I’ve said in this and in past blogs, would lack empathy and lie to me.

I’m devastated that I can’t trust most  doctors not to label me for the rest of my life, given my complicated issues with compliance of non controlled substances due to how bizarrely I metabolize most medication or have severe side effects.

I’m incensed as an activist that other patients might have gone through this and they don’t have a voice. I know almost 9 years ago, when I was acutely suicidal and in so much physical pain and had mentally disintergrated, that  I didn’t have a voice and no support. I write this blog, so that other patients don’t nearly lose their lives from being treated this way or have themselves AND their care compromised due to bias.

I’m hoping that if anyone has gone through this, they will message me privately, if they don’t feel comfortable commenting on my blog.

But I am going to fight back, an ethical fight. By filing a grievance and while I said in my very concise message to her that I hope she loses her license, I hope really she learns from this and at least gets reprimanded.

Although if she doesn’t learn from what she did to me today and has done that to other patients, maybe she should NOT be practicing medicine, any longer.

Because no mentally ill and medically disabled patient who’s been as forthcoming with providers, should have to go through what I keep going through with most physicians.

Actually, it’s been my hope as an activist and blogger, for years,  to encourage honest dialogue between patients and providers, whether mental illness is a factor or NOT, that patients aren’t necessarily penalized with non compliance of ANY medication.

Not only does that increase the risk of patients LYING to their doctors, if they are abusing drugs, it puts them at risk of getting involved with street drugs and the risk of safety and or accidental overdose and addiction to them.

And I didn’t fight so hard to stay alive and try to retain what’s left of my sanity, to let a doctor do something so unconscionable like what was done to me, today (It’s still  5-12-2017 in MN), but I’m going to try that some greater good comes out of it.

For both patients AND providers.

Not just for myself, but for many patients who experience bias and compromised medical and mental health care because of bias that physicians carry due to mental illness and other still stigmatized patient disorders.

Wish me luck…

Note: I have no problem publishing differences of opinions, if stated respectfully. And unfortunately my normal disclaimer of “seeking professional clinical trained professional guidance when in medical or mental health crisis”  doesn’t apply, because I’m not at that point but I’m seriously distressed that my anxiety is in overdrive and my medical care has been compromised by a doctor that knew fully my history and lied to me that way.

Especially given how vulnerable I was due to my medical health issues at that appointment and my mental health issues, as it was difficult for me to get to that appointment with my barriers, as I was exhausted physically and mentally frazzled due to some scary encounters on 2 crappy local buses and walking part of the way in the sun, which I have photophobia.

Again, I own what’s multiply frustrating by me, for ANY provider, including the most non biased clinical professional, of what it’s like to treat me. I’m not a fun patient to treat and I can get defensive. I’m wordy and all over the place. But I tell new providers that those are my barriers, from the start.

And the truth is, most patients are vulnerable, in some way, when seeing a provider, especially given all the factors that played in my visit.

Also,  I don’t believe all doctors are bad. Largely due to my long term physician, where we have a stance to agree to respectfully disagree, given what I’ve been through with mental health and having weight issues even with my needing a gastric bypass reversal.

And I realize other Fairview medical professionals who I know are excellent and ethical physicians, as well as other physicians from different hospital systems both locally and globally.

But regardless of a terrible experience with a doctor, I’m going to ALWAYS recommend that if a patient-provider relationship is not working for a patient, that they try to get help from another provider, whether in acute crisis or not.

Just please forgive me for being kind of a hypocrite about not being too terribly excited about seeing new doctors, in the short term, given my circumstances.

Also note: Unfortunately, I had to do some major editing, 10 hours after I first published  this, because I was so frazzled between being in a lot of physical pain and heightened anxiety, which was was made so much worse, after her saying one thing to me and a few hours later, she completely saying another, as far as her final recommendation would be, made this not as clear as I would’ve liked.

This still isn’t clear, due to the fact I am a disabled blogger who writes about disability and bias. But I feel like I’ve honestly and better presented a fair description of what I go through as patient, but at the same time, being fair with providers who have to treat me.

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