It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘suicidality’ Category

How many MORE people are going to have to DIE , before we can talk about Opioid addiction and other addictions without STIGMA???

(Extremely important disclaimer: I’m NOT  a clinically trained professional. If you or someone you know is in acute medical or mental health crisis, PLEASE seek immediate/acute professional help, in an acute care facility.

Because this blog is about the fact that clinicians are only human and can be in crisis, too, this is WHY I’m pressing for honest dialogue in our society about the Opiate Epidemic and removing the stigma that exists that presents a barrier for so many people being able to get the help they need that hopefully, save their lives)

http://www.cnn.com/2017/5/24/us/drug-counselors-overdose/index.html

Most of my blogs, as of late, have had to do with the opioid epidemic. Some of the blogs, have been out of concern of the war on drugs, having a potential to harm those who use prescription opiates, responsibly, but as a last resort to treating severe chronic pain.

Some of them have included though, the very real crisis that we are in because of opioids both prescription and illegal opiates.

My very last blog (which was extremely wordy, even for me) , had to do with my getting labeled at a an appointment with a pain management specialist, who had labeled me, due to my mental health issues and that I had very temporarily abused opiates, both almost 9 years ago (for 5 days leading up to an intentional overdose with pain meds that had been prescribed for me) and almost 7 years ago for 2 days both situations involved both being in medical AND mental health crisis.

And I’ve discussed those issues ad nauseum, in previous blogs, quite a bit, since I’ve launched this blog, almost 4 years ago.

I also had mentioned in my last blog, that I had done an internet search on that physician, prior to that appointment almost 2 weeks ago and had found that pain management specialist I had seen, in addition to being “pro Butrans”, which I didn’t think was appropriate for me, neither did she, also had nearly had her own medical license suspended due to opioid addiction, less than 2 years ago. And had multiple conditions to be able to continue having her suspsension stayed, by not being able to prescribe controlled substances, let alone be in possession of them.

It was never my intent in my last blog to shame that provider. What I did find offensive, is my history being a barrier in my getting medical care, with bias, because I had been labeled PRIOR to ever being on opiates and as someone who has a very short history that I’m not usually believed by most providers, with temporary drug abuse, just because I have mental health issues and even BEFORE my mental health issues were diagnosed in my late 30’s, just because I was a bariatric surgical patient.

The above link on my blog, that I just came across tonight, was about 2 drug counselors in a addiction facility who overdosed on heroin/fentanyl combination in Pennsylvania on Monday.

I have never not known or acknowledged that the Opioid Epidemic, not only is a VERY real crisis, not just nationally but globally, but that clinically trained medical and mental health professionals, whether they are physicians, drug counselors or any kind of practicing clinician, also can be patients with the propensity to have serious addiction problems that can be fatal, just like to any other human being.

Also, I’ve said as a mental health activist who’s also written multiple blogs about murder/suicide, what I talk about is, NOT the means of how people choose to kill themselves and MURDER others , but the desire to kill to begin with.

It’s not to minimize when I bring up gun control initiatives when talking about that. I say, with being crystal clear, that I’m not a medically or mental health clinically trained professional and/or in public safety or law enforcement professional, that taking away the weapon of choice, isn’t getting to the heart of the matter, when it comes to these tragic deaths.

That if people want to kill, if they can’t get a gun, there are many other ways that they can and WILL find to kill people.

The same applies to drugs, when it comes to addiction. If people even start out honestly because of severe chronic pain or any kind of severe pain, such as surgical or due to an accident  and whether or not,  it becomes their gateway to drug addiction and/or they just go straight to illegal drugs for emotional and or mental health health pain and find a dealer, unfortunately, it’s not always predictable who will find themselves in crisis of life ruining, if not life ending consequences due to that addiction.

Or ANY type of addiction and that’s one of the  the points of this blog. If we can’t talk about the multiple ways and multi-faceted reasons that play into addiction, honestly without stigma, whether it be drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food, social media/internet/phone that present potential for abuse, addiction, the risk to public safety/personal health threats on humans and the fatalities that are occuring , we don’t have a prayer of reducing them.

It’s becoming obvious and it doesn’t take a clinically trained professional to state, that you can’t legistlate away addiction, it can make it only slightly harder to get drug of choice, it doesn’t take away the propensity for addiction, away.

Unfortunately, while it’s a lot easier to identify what barriers we are experiencing as a society when it comes to these threats, it’s a lot harder to find out what it’s going to take to make inroads in reducing addiction and both accidental and intentional overdoses.

But we  can’t just continue to believe it’s the epidemic itself, that’s killing so many people and/or ruining their lives.

Because the truth is, the STIGMA  and reluctance to have an open and honest dialogue is equally to blame.

This can’t continue to be a “don’t do drugs” or “ban all drugs” conversation, as prevention initiatives just aren’t working for so many. I’m in no way discounting them. They have value, it’s just not enough.

It has to become, why we are a globally, humans who can be prone to addictions of different natures that can be life ruining and life ending for almost anyone and everyone, which almost all of us, know someone who’s life has been ended too soon or ruined due to addiction, as well as loved ones who are effected by these crisies.

How many people are going to have to die, until the dialogues start and more initiatives are in place for study of, evaluation and better treatment options of disease of addiction themselves that don’t have the potential to lead to other addictions or other potential serious medical/mental health issues????

Note: I’m hoping this starts an honest dialogue to help. I always appreciate differing opinions if shared respectfully and responsibly.

Any comments that could be potentially triggering or are not constructive, will NOT published.

(Edit Note: Unfortunately, slight edits that were made before publishing didn’t take when blog was posted. It didn’t effect greatly my intention with this blog, just clarifying that I apologize that, it wasn’t as clear as intended it to be, from the start but also with the fact for new readers, I am a disabled blogger who writes about disabilities, in addition to topics like this one, that I feel passionately about)

Robin Williams’s death/ Almost 3 months later……

********Trigger Warning: I talk about suicide, severe depression and chemical dependency in this blog.Which can be a trigger for some, so if it does, please don’t read this, as I go in great detail in some matters. With great honesty and empathy but I’m NOT a clinically trained medical OR mental health professional. NOTHING I say or ANYONE says should replace in person, professional clinical evaluation and treatment. If in acute medical or mental health crisis, PLEASE call 911, immediately or go to your local Emergency Room, immediately…….*****

I did something unusual for me before writing this blog. I actually checked what’s “trending” after the coroner’s report came out, that yes, Robin Williams’s death was a suicide and NO, there was NO drugs or alcohol involved.And what people’s reactions were to it, on social media.

I’m not surprised in the slightest, that he wasn’t under the influence. He subtly made it clear that this while something he struggled with, was a very conscious choice, he was making, to end his life.

Now I discussed a couple of days ago, the need for compassion, with almost every death including suicide. The only type of suicide or death I can’t handle, at least appropriately,  is the deaths of people who kill someone else (or a lot of people) and then kills themselves.

But people are still drawing an unkind and UNFAIR differentiation between Brittany Maynard’s death and Robin Williams’s death and they shouldn’t be. While they had different diseases both had the same outcome. As their diseases progressed it caused them more pain. And both had diagnoses that can and will be terminal for some people.

BEFORE I get a bunch of HATE, let me explain something. People do NOT choose to have mental illness issues anymore than they choose cancer. We as a society, UNTIL we accept that, only can we be the compassionately supportive for those who suffer Mental Illnesses and/or lose someone they LOVE. Or the loved ones who have family members with severe persistent mental illness.

If you wouldn’t tell someone who lost a loved one to cancer, that it is too bad that they didn’t fight harder, why couldn’t they snap out of it and be happy for everything they had, WE HAVE TO STOP SENDING MESSAGES TO SURVIVORS AND SUFFERERS, that the person they lost, that their death was in the realm of anyone’s control. Some of these are NOT preventable deaths.

I’m all about Suicide Prevention, which is a part of why I do the Mental Health activism that I do. But anyone dealing with either their own mental illness, loved one’s mental illness or work in a clinical capacity ALREADY knows that NOT everyone can win their battle with depression. That doesn’t mean we aren’t gonna fight for anyone who’s drowning in depression and is acutely suicidal, we just know that while some lives can be saved, some cannot be saved.

I’ve discussed ad nauseaum about suicidality, other mental health issues and chemical dependency. If you read my last blog which was REALLY wordy and ranty, I discussed an E.R. visit recently, where I’ve been labeled as a drug seeking hypochondriac. Part of that I do get, because I did abuse narcotics for a couple of days prior to my suicide attempt. And I used narcotics as means to try and die. I took almost a month’s worth each of Vicodin, Xanax and Miltown/Equanil.

Let me explain something that might help others have empathy towards those who have CD/MH issues and/or die from them. Those 5 days proceeding my suicide attempt in 2008, when I was abusing meds were FUCKING AWESOME (my kids were already with my parents) . Severe manic depression will never make sense to someone who’s NEVER had it. You could have everything in the world, as far as people (the best family and friends), money and possessions and do so much for others, but one has a feeling of EXTREME worthlessness, despondency and isolation. Those of us who have it, feel grief stricken (sometimes for NO reason, but it’s worse in those who have reason, i.e. loss of loved one, relationships end, etc) for NO viable reason. While I’ve never experienced a sense of euphoria, in my life, those meds allowed me to feel comfortably numb about all my physical and emotional pain.And I was grateful for the respite from my agonizing emotional pain.The agonizing physical pain and loss in ability was hard enough.

I’m not saying that I advocate for abuse of prescription and street drugs and alcohol. I AM saying I understand why people use them, if not abuse them and get addicted. I’m really lucky that I haven’t gotten addicted. But certain circumstances did help me. I got violently ill off of IV morphine when I first had my gastric bypass. I’ve also experienced both opiate and benzo withdrawal when being PERFECTLY compliant, about 3 years post suicide attempt, in  2 different occasions . It WAS awful and at the time, I made a conscious effort not to have either a physical dependence or psychological one (which I do have a slight emotional dependence to my meds) but I don’t take them everyday, even with daily severe chronic pain. Going through withdrawal even though I wasn’t abusing, probably helped me realize or just reinforced something that I’ve always known.

I DO have an addictive personality. I’ve been using food as a coping mechanism (and for many other reasons as stated in other blogs) since I was a toddler. I started smoking when I was 15. I was raised in anti-prescription family doesn’t have a history of alcoholism and/or drug abuse. That there is only so many vices one can rationalize and that’s probably the reason why I am rare person with persistent mental health issues that doesn’t have a CD component. It also helps if I drink too much, I get violently ill (projectile vomiting ) and I do get unpleasant side effects from a lot of prescription medications. So I’m not trying to say I’m a better person then someone who’s struggled with Chemical Dependency issues, just saying, how I’ve managed to escape having substance abuse issues.

But to get back to the point I’m trying to make. It’s that we shouldn’t be questioning on who we have compassion for when people battle diseases and when they lose their lives from them. And we need more therapies available both in medical and mental health realms. Most of the treatments out there to fight serious disease and symptoms have side effects that are bad as the diseases and symptoms they are having.

Don’t be surprised if you utter words verbally or on social media that’s the equivalent of “Being Happy is a conscious choice” or some other ridiculous crap, like that or you talk about a suicide to the equivalent of “what a waste”, why people who suffer from Mental Illness will NOT confide in you. You are NOT safe person to come out to, no matter how nice you are in EVERY other aspect of your life. In NO WAY shape or form am I saying if someone dies from mental illness that it’s one’s fault for them dying. If one wouldn’t rationally blame themselves of a loved one dying from cancer, you CANNOT blame the person who dies from suicidality. Or their loved ones.

The point I’m trying to make is you blame NO ONE and have COMPASSION for EVERYONE …….

Addenum: I want to add the following….Celebrities or “privileged” people are NOT immune to mental illness/cd issues.       They are people not superheroes. I had a special place in my heart for Robin Williams. So I get people’s sadness. Out of the top 2 people I would’ve loved to meet, he was only #2, because I’d love to meet Oprah to both thank her and yell at her for how messed up women are about their bodies, given how she and stupid Dr Oz and Dr. Phil have profited on other people’s pain. Mental Illness issues though is a great equalizer.  It effects anyone regardless of gender, race, religion, socioeconomic and education level. But we owe it to their families to be able to grieve in privacy. And without stigma or judgement.

*Crisis Resources*
http://www.nami.org
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/
http://www.211.org
http://www.211us.org
http://www.samhsa.gov/
http://www.save.org
http://bornthiswayfoundation.org/helphttp://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

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