It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘#StigmaKills’ Category

Why #BillMaher going forward, is gonna have a lot of trouble convincing me that he ain’t Trump’s mean little bitchy wanna be brother, from a different mother…

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Important Disclaimers/Trigger Warnings: I’m writing this to achieve  activism goals that I really shouldn’t have to make, but unfortunately feel compelled to, after watching a segment on a Real Fucking Shame, oops I meant Real Time with Bill Maher early yesterday morning.

IF body politics, real politics and profanity offend you, please stop reading this, like NOW.

Also no intention meant to offend any orangutans is intended, as they don’t hate on humans based upon weight, looks, gender and age, like other humans do to each other.

***

I’m NOT supposed to be writing THIS.

I’m supposed to be writing a blog about how yesterday, the 9th anniversary of my fucking gastric bypass reversal, how I’m doing, well, like 9 years later.

Which I really didn’t want to do, either.

If I’m gonna be honest…

However, my gastric bypass reversal and suicide prevention blogs are the most read blogs of mine, ever.

And not just exclusive to the United States or North America, they get quite read regularly on all 6 continents except Antarctica.

Here’s the thing…

As someone who does serious activism as a blogger, who lives an unrecognizable life that did a 180, 16 years ago and who leans on the liberal side (clearly with a conservative streak, as exhibited in my LAST blog) I count on weekends that air a new Real Shame with the funny but I knew didn’t love fat people but looked away Bill Maher, as long as he didn’t constantly remind me of that.

As I needed the distraction of his non fat bashing humor to distract from all these sad, scary and intense news cycles.

I can’t give though Bill Maher a pass any longer on his fat people hatred.

I know too much that plays into trauma that leads to people being of excess weight and too little weight.

I know the desperation that a lot of people feel from being hated on by being of fat that at best, depending on how much they weigh, leads them to drastic interventions like bariatric surgery which I’m NOT against, knowing people who died from both severe morbid Obesity complications or suicide, when wanting a surgical intervention they couldn’t have.

Although, I am better suited for helping those in crisis medically and mentally for those who’ve had catastrophic gastric bypass complications that might lead to a need for a gastric bypass reversal in patients, who also have in real life medical and mental health professionals treating them.

And  how difficult it is, after having talking to many of those people who may need it, into a reversal, who don’t want one because they would rather be dead than fat again and how devastating and terrifying that is for a patient and any of their providers, myself included having that responsibility on them/us.

Bill Maher didn’t have to throw fat people to the wolves, or anyone, to make a point about things that are taxing our health care system.

And clearly he has never worked in health care or in insurance, like I have, where things like a rehab for non professional athletes with serious sport injuries or people with addiction issues, is also expensive.

I know this blog will be read and disliked  for multiple reasons.

And I do defend Trump supporters and don’t think they are bad humans.

Up until yesterday, I  could defend Bill Maher.

That’s until he proved he is dispositionally just as dangerous as Donald Trump is.

Donald Trump has never pretended other than in election cycles to like  people who aren’t thin and pretty and who aren’t poor for the last several decades.

So I can’t and I won’t shame people who still will support Bill Maher in any way, just like I don’t with Trump fans.

It’s not up to me, nor do I feel uncomfortable wishing harm upon anyone, I think people doing that so freely, who do feel comfortable,especially in the digital era they are and it is so dangerous and I’m not capable of it, even though I’m no longer wishing Bill Maher a super great life, either.

And at  least I don’t feel bad now, for at least hoping that Bill Maher, has a prescription in high doses of Zyprexa and Seroquel in his future and would love to see how that works out, especially with his love for weed and would love to see how he would fare, in regards to his weight.

For the fucking love of everything holy, please don’t generically fat bash anyone, John Oliver, those of us bigger liberals with a BMI over 30 are counting on you…

Note: Anything that’s hateful may or may not  be responded to, depending on how stupid it is.

Anything that is direct threat to my or anyone’s life, will be reported to the proper authorities.

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#InTheEndItReallyDidMatter

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(Note:I’m reposting this blog on the 2nd anniversary of Chester Bennington’s death, as while privately I love his music and will celebrate his life and his contributions as an artist, as an activist for suicide prevention, because I personally talk about parental suicide and trying to remove the stigma with that, I believe there needs to be more support and conversation, of how we can help those who are suicidal, if their depression has a chance of NOT becoming fatal and how to best support the families and friends, if tragically, it’s NOT)

Trigger Warnings: In this blog, I write both seriously as an activist for suicide prevention and awareness, as well as trying to support loved ones who lost loved ones to suicide. Which in addition elaborating on what it takes sometimes, to manage  my own mental health issues. As well as what I go through with my own particular mental health issues.

The point I’m trying to make, is I will ALWAYS recommend that people in crisis get help from a clinically trained professional, in acute care facility, if necessary.

Which a lot of times, it is NECESSARY.

But knowing I’m probably the last person to be willing to do that, I put these blogs out there, hopefully to help those who it may benefit, who may be in serious emotional distress and are at risk of their depression being fatal and for those who lost loved ones and are in despair and/or heartbroken, at the loss of their loved ones. And it has helped people.

However, the last thing I want to do is trigger anyone, if topics such as suicide and suicide prevention (from a patient who has mental health issues and one serious suicide attempt and activist perspective)  are a trigger, please don’t read.

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“it starts with why

it doesn’t even matter how hard you try

its so unreal

even though I tried it all fell apart

all i know

it doesn’t even matter how hard you tried

I had to fall to lose it all

in the end it doesn’t even matter

what it meant to me  will eventually be a memory

I tried so hard and got so far

but in the end it doesn’t even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

but in the end it doesn’t even matter

“In The End” -Linkin Park
(disorganization of lyrics partially mentioned intentional/no copyright infringement intended) ”

Taking a deep breath, because I really don’t want to write this blog, but hoping that it helps someone.

It happens to be, as more time goes by post suicide attempt in August of 2008, my old life both before, during that time and after it, to present time, doesn’t get to be anymore closer of being a  distant memory.

It happened to be, and it’s not something I’ve blogged about, that while I have multiple blogs talking about my “one and only” suicide attempt and the consequences of it, I have not talked about, that I would’ve probably made my attempt, 3 months earlier, is that because I had someone I love dearly, someone I can’t identify, who was potentially suicidal.

So I had to bizarrely, get them the help they needed to be strong enough to not die of their depression, even though my own life for me was so physically and emotionally unbearable, that I knew and could only hold on for as long as I did, knowing that my pain would eventually end, once they were stabilized and in my misguided thinking at the time, that everyone I loved the most, including that loved one (who did extremely well after intensive professional help) , would be better off without me.

I realize how messed up that is. Now. And for the last 8 1/2 years. And I’ll make my point and I’m going to admit somethings in hopes of helping other people, that I’d rather not be admitting, but if it helps someone in crisis and/or in despair, it will be worth sharing it.

It happened to be on Thursday morning, which I was debating on purchasing Linkin Park concert tickets, for that above mentioned loved one and I, for the concert that was scheduled in St. Paul, on August 15th, which would’ve been 3 days after the 9th anniversary of my suicide attempt, when a few hours later, it went viral that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, had died the same way his friend Chris Cornell did 2 months prior, by suicide, which my loved one took really hard.

Part of the reason why that loved one took both deaths so hard was the fact that I did try to commit suicide, 9 years ago. And Linkin Park and Soundgarden was music they used to cope with, as they saw me medically and mentally disintegrate.

I related more to Linkin Park, during that period of time in my life, during my deepest depression that led to my suicide attempt. While it wouldn’t be something I’d be comfortable sharing, normally, I am now, plus a few other things, in hopes of those who are suicidal and to help those who lost a loved one, because the song “In The End”, was a song that help me identify why I felt suicidal, I did try so hard and in the end I thought it didn’t matter, nor did I think my life or myself did, feeling such a feeling of failure and being in such unbearable medical and mental health pain for as long as I was.

The main thing I’ve learned as an activist of sorts, is that not everyone can be saved, that their depression is going to be fatal to them, when it comes to suicide prevention and/or awareness. It’s not anymore of a choice to them, then having an incurable fatal “medical” disease versus mental health.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not dedicated to trying to be an activist for suicide prevention and awareness.

IF I’m to be truthful, I’ve been suicidal since my suicide attempt in 2008. The only difference between why I am alive now, versus thinking my life and everyone’s life that I know and love the most will be okay, if I died, as I could’ve NEVER thought of leaving them, otherwise,  is that I know at least in the last 7 1/2 years, that I’ve managed to stay alive even with medical near life ending crises, is that the people I love the most, will NOT be okay, if I die from my depression issues.

And it’s a very mixed blessing that I realize that the only thing I can do for my children and my family is not die from mental health issues, I can’t really do more than that.

And sadly, that’s really they only expectation they have of me, at this point.

For me to have any quality of life, though and this is what I realize, because I know better than to think that people who commit suicide, don’t know or care about their loved ones or they are selfish, which they aren’t.

There’s been a lot of discussion since Chris Cornell’s  and Chester Bennington’s deaths which would suggest otherwise. They had kids, didn’t they care enough about their loved ones, to get help or get better????

PLEASE don’t make that assumption or give that impression, as that ONLY  stigmatizes suicide and mental health and it doesn’t help those of us who have depression and/or other mental health issues that can be fatal and it doesn’t help the loved ones, they/we leave behind, for those who die this way. Or who tried to, in the past.

It’s making a hurtful and horrible impression that if we loved our loved ones, enough we’d find a way to stay alive. And not ever contemplate, let alone attempt suicide, which only hurts people, it doesn’t help anyone.

A lot of people will  NEVER understand the multiple and multifaceted reasons that play into deaths due to suicide, but if you wouldn’t tell someone who’s dying of any other disease, that they should get better because of those who they will leave behind, please DON’T for a second, make that impression on someone who’s mourning the loss of a loved one due to their depression being fatal to them and/or those who’s depression is at risk for being fatal to them.

As much as I’d love to say, it’s a wonderful miracle that I’m still alive, it doesn’t feel that way, most of the time. I’m not saying that my life is worse than it was from 2006 to 2011, but it’s not amazing, either.

While I can give myself some credit for having to survive some crappy things, and by sharing them, with this blog, as it has helped some people, I realize that people have been through much worse and handled it better and sometimes that makes me feel really bad about myself, especially as it applies to myself as a mother, who loves my kids more than anything.

For me to have any quality of life, though, and it what helps my depression and mental health issues not be fatal for me, I’ve had to realize that I have to care about myself for myself.

My love for others, as much as I wish it was different, cannot be the only reason why I’m still alive and that I make the attempt to have any quality of life, which does help, especially in cases, where peace of mind for those of us who have limited amounts of that, is so sporadic.

What saved my life post suicide attempt, when in mental health crisis, but not in medical crisis, status post “one and only suicide attempt” in 2008, is that I have the luxury of not doing ANYTHING when in crisis.

Meaning I don’t have to deal with people like most people do. I live by myself and can sometimes take life one hour at a time, which is my deal with myself when in crisis. It also helps me in a non judgemental way of trying to be kinder to myself, of having mental health issues and realizing that I’m doing the best I can and I can usually realize  1/2 the time am grateful for the things I’ve been able to experience because I’ve managed to live this long and try to concentrate on that, when on days, it seems like more of a curse.

I’m not medicated for my mental health issues, either. For the last 7 1/2 years. Both my long term PCP and my former psychiatrist saw that the severity of side effects are not worth the risks, especially since the therapeutic benefit is minimal at best with most psychotropics for me. And I don’t just get severe side effects from mental health meds, but meds in all therapy classes, so it’s not a manifestation of my mental health, that those meds don’t work, it’s an unfortunate medical fact about me, that my own clinical professionals also acknowledge.

It’s not an ideal though way to live for those of us who have a host of depression, mood and personality disorders. Nor is my being total hypocrite when it comes to not seeking clinically trained professional help, any longer even though I still struggle.

I realize some of the irrationalities of my thought processes. I know not every clinically trained professional is going to treat me like an unstable drug seeking hypochondriac who’s also seeking attention, but enough have. And I’m grateful that I have one long term amazing PCP who does a unique patient tailored approach to my care, which I wish other providers would do the same.

And while it’s working for me, it doesn’t work for most people, though. And if I’m to be truthful, I can only try my hardest, I can’t guarantee that no therapy and no meds and a love of my family is going to guarantee that I won’t ever need intensive help that I’m not so quick to get and the irrationality of that.

However my first blog here on WordPress, where I found myself in a system, that I couldn’t get out of, I think plays a large part of my trying to find some balance and meaning to my life on my own, as well as all the time I have. But it’s not ideal.

So, I cannot overstate the importance of not only seeking out clinically trained medical and mental health professionals and realizing that if you don’t find one who is helping you, that you hold on, until you find the help that is right for you that gives you the chance of lessoning, if not eliminating the risks of your mental health issues being fatal to you.

And what that may require evaluation and treatment in potential combinations of inpatient and outpatient care and trying to find different medications, if current medication regimens aren’t working, to find the right combination of clinically trained professionals and/or therapy medications that will work.

And professional help can help those who lost loved ones where it doesn’t become a risk for their depression being fatal to them, as well.

I can only hope that we lose the stigma of mental health issues once and for all, so that people can be in their best health. And what that looks like, is just as unique as we all are.

But we can’t do that without removing stigma and judgement from mental health issues. As well as having more options for evaluation and treatment both in pharmaceutical and non pharmaceuticals treatment therapy options.

I wrote this blog, in hopes that people will try to get past stigmatizing suicide, to provide support for those who’ve lost (or nearly lost) loved ones due to suicide and/or accidentally died due to overdoses. And tried to help by sharing what is working for me, when in crisis and what that crisis can look like, even though I realize it’s unconventional and that it may not work for most people, depending on what they feel their options are, which are obviously not many depending on the severity of a depressive episode and/or other mental and/or medical health issues.

But again, I’m NOT  a clinically trained provider. I only know what I do about so many of these issues by either personal experience or those who I’ve helped personally since 2010 via social media, and in almost the 4 years that I’ve been blogging.

But I do believe that clinically trained professional help is best. But I also understand better than anyone (as I’ve discussed on multiple occasions the bias I face when seeking medical attention) why some cases, such as the bias I’ve experienced, that in my case it causes more duress than it alleviates.

Links for Suicide Awareness, Prevention and support for survivors:

http://www.nami.org
http://www.befrienders.org
http://www.save.org
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Note: I would’ve wrote this blog sooner, but I’ve had technical issues that make blogging almost impossible at times with having internet and device issues.

I was able to edit blog on 7-28-2017 with links that can hopefully help.

Also same rules apply, judgemental or non constructive responses will not be published. I’m okay with a difference in opinion, if shared respectfully and mindfully. Thanks!!!!!

A gentle reminder: That TWO separate tragedies involving children occurred in Minnesota on 4/12/2019….

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Important Disclaimer: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I trained in law enforcement or public safety.

If you or someone you know is capable of hurting themselves or others, please seek emergency help right away.

***

It goes without saying, I didn’t want to write this blog.

I want to respect that families are suffering and grieving about 2 separate horrific tragedies that happened in Minnesota on Friday, April 12, 2019.

My last 2 previous blogs addressed them.

The reason though I’m writing this again, with really wanting to respect the privacy that these families have asked for, need and deserve, is the court of social media felt one was more newsworthy than another.

To repeat, last Friday, a 24 year old man, threw a 5 year old boy off the 3rd floor at Mall of America in an attempted homicide.

That tragedy made national news outlets.

About 5 hours before that tragedy though, a 36 year old father in the greater Minnesota area, has been suspected of intentional arson to kill him and the 4 children in the  house and he did horrifically kill his 1 year old daughter and 2 year old son, before succumbing to his own injuries, the next day.

The current status of the 9 and 7 year old are that they are recovering.

I spent most of this weekend, following the local news about both families, then following the GoFundMe pages for the families, seeing the comments about the Minneapolis man charged with the attempted homicides and knew I was going to have to write a 3rd blog, especially when I saw on Twitter of how my last blog was so misguidedly being shared on Twitter for the wrong reasons, which I’ll address in a separate blog.

Again, a reminder, I blog as a non violent  medically, mentally and cognitive disabled mother to hopefully remove stigma, as I made horrible mistakes and was so unintentionally neglectful of my children, that still managed to cause emotional hurt to those I love the most and while it irrevocably changed my family’s life, almost 11 years ago, so others don’t make the same mistakes I did and get help sooner than I did.

I try to explain that hearing how bad I was my entire life based upon what I looked liked and weighed, didn’t have just horrible consequences for me, unfortunately as unintended as it was, it had for those I love the most.

To honor these families and many others, I have for years been saying that there is more work to be done in how we deal with those who have issues that could be harmful to themselves and others, whether it’s strangers or their own families.

That it doesn’t matter what everything on the outside looks like, in the era of social media, your houses, your cars, your vacations, your children, what you look like, if inside one is hurting and is capable of harming themselves or another.

That words and actions and lack of them, matter.

They matter A LOT.

That there is hate limit that everyone has when it comes to be targeted, before it turns inward in some manner or it hurts someone else and is now becoming more deadly to innocent others.

That if someone isn’t doing anything that risks one’s life in any way, maybe it isn’t their right or place to throw judgement at them, in any form.

Absolutely, everyone can work on being more careful on their words and actions that could hurt another, it should’ve always been that way, but it’s never mattered as much, in the digital era.

I didn’t digress.

I am trying to concentrate on showing those families the respect they deserve, trying to help in such a miniscule way, of point out, there’s multiple ways to help them with support, as well as in trying to prevent these tragedies from happening in the first place.

The GoFundMe for the Landen, the little boy who was horrifically targeted at Mall of America, has met its goal.

If you want to help the  family for the burial expenses of Landon age 2 and Spencer age 1, who died on Friday, in the fire  that their father set in Big Lake, MN,  you can use the link below.

https://www.gofundme.com/1lugpwmwtc?fbclid=IwAR0XzXgE8GaNQWfZwqfK-Za0IOaGsWyzeHGSQuoGDG1Zn13OJtTwLEzASfQ

But again, a gentle reminder that last Friday in Minnesota, their were TWO separate horrific acts of violence against 5 children under the age of 10.

For 2 completely different reasons and in 2 completely different circumstances.

And that all of us can do our miniscule part to try, going forward, to prevent these tragedies from occurring, by being mindful of not stigmatizing any population of people, and just concentrating on trying to be a part of the solution that helps prevent them from happening and supporting others, when they do tragically occur, and encouraging those in need of help, of getting it, before they do irrevocable harm to themselves or others.

Note: I will NOT publish any comments that could  be hurtful to anyone.

 

#DepravedIndifferenceInTheDigitalEra

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical, mental health or in public safety professional. I’m just a concerned medical and mental health and violent crime prevention activist and blogger, at times.

A lot lately.

And for awhile now.

If you or someone you know, is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services (i.e. 911 if you’re in the United States) and other important crisis resources will be at the end of this blog.

***

With a title like this, I guess I need to make some clarifications, right from the start.

I’ve been around for almost a half of a century, now .

I know that people have been hateful and harmful from the beginning of time, let alone before computers, internet and smart phone eras.

But now so many people are being irrevocably mentally and medically harmed, if not having their lives violently taken from them.

Where no place is sacred, such as a school, a place of worship, a hospital, a government center, a daycare or workplace and playgrounds, to name a few.

Where no one is spared, whether they be a baby, child, teenager adult to elderly.

Regardless of political preferences, gender, sexual orientation/identification, religion, race, race and socioeconomics.

And  people from all walks of life, have the potential that they fufill ,to be predators, perpetrators of hateful actions and vile crimes (well not babies or very young children) and to be victims.

This is what I’m deciding to mainly focus on, going forward as an activist…

That the serious discussions that need to take place, that I’m a part of, as far as making an attempt to be a part of the discussion to make aware, that people are losing the ability to realize and respect the sanctity of human life.

That everyone should have a life that is free from physiological and psychological harm.

That we start instilling this in the young.

And have safety nets in place lifelong for human being the evaluation and treatment of people in crisis.

And that we as a society if we’re going to survive, let alone thrive, have to figure out how to respectfully agree to disagree.

That rejection, if it or anything else that leads to rage, people can get help so they don’t continue to harm and kill innocent people.

That they don’t continue to irrovacably interfere with another’s right to peace of mind.

It needs to be said, in an era, where there is so many murder/suicides and just such an increase in violent crime, as well as the increase in severe emotional abuse and bullying, that even the people without a history, even if they started out and throughout their life, that doesn’t mean much, if they end their own lives and others, violently.

Or they in secret or quite publically hate and shame on a population of people, whether it be online or offline.

I DO NOT  believe that everyone can love everyone.

But it needs to change  where people realize how much it can harm, if they ONLY  have compassion for people who they care about and who are similarly like minded.

In that case apathy is a lot better than contempt or hate.

And if nothing else, if one can’t be a part of the solution, please don’t be a part of the problem.

Because some people just for no reason are predispotioned to depravity.

And then there are others where for multiple reasons, their depravity is circumstantial.

But no less damaging, if not deadly.

Note: I hope this will lead to necessary discussions about having multiple initiatives in hopes to help humankind.

Any response that is hateful or not constructive to this topic will NOT be published.

http://www.befrienders.org

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An Open Letter to #AsiaArgento…

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Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I discuss in this blog with some profanity, rape in both genders, as well as victims come in all genders, colors and because I have a major personal reason to discuss it, all shapes and sizes.

PLEASE don’t read if any of the above is a trigger and please ask for clarification before making an assumption. Thanks!!!

And as always, if you or someone you know is in medical or mental health crisis, please seek immediate professional help.

***

Dear Asia (and the few million people who definitely share the same attitudes),

I’m honestly not picking on you!!!

My heart hurts for you in what has to really a fucking shitty AWFUL 18 months for you.

I’m a disabled medical and mental health activist in regards body shaming (of every size) and suicide, who doesn’t like social media and I value  my privacy.

In 1996, TWO major things happened to me that I talk about, the first only recently, the second, a little more and both because of the paragraph above, NO ONE believes me.

In January of 1996, I was date raped. Well, more like I was supposed to go on a blind date,  meeting at his very nice apartment building,  with the plans that we would go out to lunch and in being naive when he, who seemed to be a nice and nice looking U.S. Army official wanted to show me his new Natuzzi sectional, ended up quietly, violently and quite humiliatingly got raped, orally, vaginally and anally.

Of course not on the expensive sectional which he wouldn’t want to mess up, but on his living room floor.

What he said was if I gave him what he wanted, he wouldn’t hurt me.

That was only partially true, because he violated me, where NO ONE could see it.

I was a 26 year old fat, single not considered attractive full time employed loving single mom of 1, I just wanted to get get out of it in one piece, so I could get back to get my 3 1/2 year old  son and continue on with my life.

In June of 1996, I had a business trip that I had to go to London. On my flight from O’Hare to Heathrow, I fucking shit you and everyone else NOT, Princess Diana was on my British Airways flight!!!

My one and only business trip, I pretty much told anyone and everyone about.

I told less than a handful of people about my rape until a few years ago when I became and activist of sorts and a blogger.

About 5 years after my rape, being sick of being verbally bullied my entire life, I decided to have bariatric surgery (and that’s a WHOLE other entire story that I’m not going to get into now) and while some great things did originally and initally happen, it didn’t have anything resembling a  happy ending .

Other than to say and it’s kind of important, that I got skinny shamed instead of fat shamed for a couple years and I hated (and still hate fat and thin shaming)  both equally.

And because of the mindfuck of that and having serious complications from that surgery, exactly (well as of 9 days ago ) I gave up custody of my kids to my parents (by then I was a single mom of 2) and tried to commit suicide, 10 years ago.

And while I had no previous extensive psych history prior to my attempt and my first psych hospitalization 2 1/2 weeks prior to my one and only attempt and nearly got institutionalized for it.

When I decided that what I went through and my children went through, shouldn’t be in vain (as I was a neglectful mother the last 2 years I had my children), I launched this non monetized blog of mine, exactly 5 years from the anniversary of my suicide attempt.

So unfortunately, I know all to well from victim shaming, from parental suicide, suicide and mental health shaming and body shaming.

This is what I’m hoping to appeal to you for and I don’t know any other way to do it, even though I cherish and need my privacy.

Words and actions, lack of actions, MATTER.

Unfortunately, while what I think what Harvey Weinstein did is despicable, everytime people allude to the fact that he was/is a  big, fat and ugly monster, they perpetuate horribly wrongly,  that only unattractive people are perps and that they could NEVER be victims.

And that can kind of horribly feed into the horribly damaging myth, that rape is  a crime of passion, because it’s NOT,  it’s a horrific crime of where its intent is  to do horrific humiliating horrible physical and emotional damage to another human being.

While both are extremely painful for me and others like me, who don’t have a voice, hence why I blog, it’s a million times easier for me to talk about my suicide attempt and nearly getting committed,  than it is for me to talk about my rape.

I know that hurt people hurt people, so I’m trying to say this to you or anyone it could apply in the least judgemental way, as possible.

Because, for #MeToo for it fufill it’s mission, it HAS to be inclusive of all human beings who are victims/survivors.

Otherwise, it’s at risk of people who don’t have a voice, still at risk, due to not getting support, let alone, not being believed.

 

If you don’t believe me, use a search engine and try a find a meme using the words: fat women rape.

Or that it’s made to be a horribly unfunny joke and/or unfunny stereotype when a man not of the age of consent, is raped by an older powerful attractive  female.

It’s horrific of what’s out there and the after effects of rape  trauma can have the effect of victims ending up with eating disorders on opposite sides of the spectrum but not as far apart, as people think when it comes to  Anorexia to Super Morbid Obesity, as well as being at risk for addiction issues and  sometimes heartbreakingly it leads to suicidality.

For a multitude of reasons.

There has to be a better way to talk about predators,  without potentially shaming people who are victims/survivors where the only thing they share is a body type or an attractiveness classification, that’s what I’m trying to get across.

And while you have made great strides with #MeToo, if victims end up perpetuating the same crime or a different one, their voices and stories (the victims, if they are able to speak about it) need to be told as well.

Otherwise we don’t have a prayer of ending the vicious rampant cycles of rape, violent physical assault and sometimes homicide, sometimes suicide, sometimes murder/suicide regardless of genders, socio-economics, age, race, religion, sexual preference, sexual identification and species (as a dog was raped in Los Angeles several days ago).

I could go on and on, but I’m sure no one really wants me to and I certainly don’t.

Thanks for your (and anyone’s elses)  time and patience in reading this.

Respectfully, Lisa

Note: As always, but especially due to the sensitivity in nature of topics discussed, any comments that could be triggering to any of my readers, will NOT be published.

What, if anything can be done to reduce domestic murder/suicides??? #StigmaKills

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http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org 1-800-273-8255
http://www.befrienders.org (outside the U.S.)

Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. I will ALWAYS encourage people in crisis to seek immediate professional help or call emergency services if they or someone they know is capable of hurting themselves or others.

The epidemic we are facing now, is that sometimes people are just snapping and killing loved ones and then themselves, when a relationship ends.

Sometimes there is an issue where in cases of domestic violence, recently, where a spouse seeks an order of protection and whether or NOT it’s granted, it’s still not enough for someone to not only kill their signficant others but children and other family or friends who are in the household or the spare the abused spouse, to cause as much horrific physical and emotional trauma as possible.

And sometimes people are commiting these horrific tragedies with no previous criminal or mental health history.

We are in a new era, that people who are clinically trained medical and mental health professionals and law enforcement and we as a society have to come up with a better way of potentially forecasting these potentially tragedies and educating people on gettting evaluated and treated for their depression and rage issues so it’s not fatal to them or anyone else.

I’d ask though if this is too sensitive of a topic for people, please DO NOT read.

Thanks…
***

I just managed to catch a beyond tragic story on People.com, a few minutes ago.

An Alabama man, after his wife, a 3rd grade teacher filed for divorce, due to his opioid addiction issues, and 9 days after she filed for divorce he shot her and 1 of 3 triplets to death, 2 of the triplets were also shot are in ICU after being able to escape and their 13 year old escaped before the father was able to shoot them and setting his house with the 2 of the dead bodies in it, last weekend.

I’ve probably now wrote at least a dozen blogs on trying to bring awareness on how to prevent domestic murder/suicides.

Again, it bears repeating, I’m NOT a clinically trained professional nor do I have any training in law enforcement or criminal psychology.

But this is what I do know:

Domestic violence has been around for a long time and it’s getting deadlier for a partner to end a relationship than it ever has been.

And even in relationships that domestic violence wasn’t a factor, more people are innocently are being killed, when a relationship ends, than ever before.

Both legal and illegal opioids have been around for a long time but more people are dying due to overdoses and as innocent parties to opioid addiction and abuse because of a loved one’s opioid addiction.

In this instance, it wasn’t released of whether or not that man was legally able to have a firearm.

And in the nature of how he ambushed his family, he still had the rage and kerosene to set his house on fire.

I’m not saying that I don’t believe in some issues regarding gun control.

Because I definitely do.

It’s not that I don’t feel any different with regulating opiates.

As I definitely do about that, as well.

The thing is though, if we don’t find a way for people whether it’s starting when people are young to find a way to constructively work through anger and rage, when feeling rejection, even if we could eradicate both guns and drugs, people would still die from addiction issues and be murdered in a different manner other than with a firearm, because others can’t appropriately process rage and rejection, the addiction in some of these cases, just adds another complication and/or higher risk of escalation of violence and increased risk for fatalities.

If people aren’t afraid of going to prison, due to being violent or possessing or abusing drugs, don’t have the respect for the sanctity of life, either for themselves or someone they are supposed to love, where their rage of a partner’s rejection outweighs them rationally knowing that their loved ones have a right to their lives and peace of mind, an order of protections don’t mean anything, if it’s applicable.

And in a lot of recent cases, orders of protections weren’t applicable.

Because, people who had no criminal history, have killed their families, loved ones, friends and/or peers and then lots of times, themselves when a relationship ends or feeling some kind of rejection romantically or platonically.

Or when feeling rejected in school, their workplaces or their houses of worship.

More initiatives are needed to try and prevent these horrific tragedies.

And they are needed NOW.

And starting these kind of initiatives, when people are young and being constructively educated, lifelong.

Note: I will NOT publish anything that’s not constructive. Thanks….

An Open Letter to Val Kilmer…

i-dont-have-to-agree-with-you-to-like-you-or-respect-you-quote-1

Yo Val,

I usually live my life, according to quote, pictured above.

I felt bad when I heard you had throat cancer.

And I’m happy for you, that you’re in remission.

I’ve never talked about you or thought over the years, cause I have kind of an actual personal reason to dislike you, that extends beyond the fact you were like the fucking WORST Batman, like ever.

Instead of trying to make comments regarding a certain celebrity, who just sadly passed on Friday, June 8th, 2018, that DOES NOT help anyone, just PLEASE shut the fuck up, ok?

And ya wanna know why I know you can be a complete asshole???

23 years ago, I used to work for a company that was subcontracted by BA, where we managed their frequent flyer program.

And so 23 years ago, I went to work, UNPAID and off the clock, cause you were making your personal assistant, absolutely MISERABLE, over a few thousand frequent flyer miles, that YOU failed to properly claim.

So instead of disrespecting someone who just died and their loved ones, friends and fans, maybe just worry about not being a dick to people in your own circle, OK?

You wanna help people???

Maybe try doing activism for throat cancer prevention.

But with like Batman movies AND suicide prevention, you kinda suck at it.

So fucking knock it off, OK?

Respectfully, ME and 90% of the universe…

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