It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for October, 2017

Distracted/Impaired Driving: A totally preventable soon to be epidemic, or NOT??

Disclaimer: I am not a clinically trained professional nor do I pretend to be one on the internet. Furthermore, I’m not a professionally trained public safety official, which is I’m sure a good thing, because if I WAS, people would probably have to do the equivalent of continual education regarding driving safely, ANNUALLY,  for everyone to maintain their driver’s license, which I’m kind of convinced is not such a bad idea.

Also note, IF anyone knows someone who is a danger behind the wheel, please contact the appropriate authorities, when it’s  safe to do so, in regards to both their safety and that of others.


I’ll also admit that I am not eligible for a driver’s license due to the cognitive disabilities that I have, due the irreversible neurological damage sustained due to long term nutritional deficiencies from my gastric bypass.

And I’ll further admit, after not driving for over 9 years now, I’m not totally sorry, in today’s world, that I can’t drive any longer. I get an enormous amount of anxiety most of the time being in a car.

Before anyone holds that against me, for what I’m about to say, and I’ve said this before, when blogging about this topic, I see all the time, everytime I leave my house, the reckless things that people do behind the wheel. I see no less than a minimum of a dozen potential drivers who are public safety hazards, in a 30 minute bus ride, every time I take public transportation.

The catalyst though of this blog, which I’ve blogged about this before, is when having a conversation with my oldest tonight, when he was on his way home from his girlfriend’s house, where she lives 2 1/2 hours away from his home.

While there is more of an immediacy of my writing about this again, I would’ve done so, regardless of what happened to him tonight, as again, I see unsafe behaviors by both drivers and pedestrians, all the time.

Because I am a a blogger who believes in full transparency and it’s related both to my medical and mental health, there are positive things that have merit, for the reasons why I blog about,  such as public safety.

While I have a lot of things that I know my son should be proud of himself for, one of them is, taking the responsibility of driving, super seriously. While he will on a long drive, talk to me via bluetooth, he knows to keep his eyes and his focus on the road.

Incident #1, that happened tonight within the first 5 minutes of our conversation. An impaired driver was driving down the wrong side of the road, nearly broadsiding him, it was a road that wasn’t well lit, but because it was dark, my son between flashing his headlights and swerving was able to both avoid an accident and the driver by some miracle was able to turn around.

We got off the phone, shortly after that happened, which part of me was both relieved and terrified. And I waited an hour to call him back, knowing he hopefully would’ve cleared that stretch of highway, by then.

When I used to drive, I’ve been on that particular highway, I know how poorly lit it is, as well as there usually isn’t much in the way of police or highway patrol.

When I called him back an hour later, hoping to feel relief which I did, he was about 40 minutes away from home. He knows the anxiety I have with him driving, so about 3 minutes before he was to arrive at home, he gave me an update.

About 90 seconds later, he was very shaken, as when exiting less than a mile away from home (his last 40 miles of that drive, is in a well lit, busy highway that does have a lot of police patrol,  the last  exit has was on has 2 lanes, one exit to the  left of him, to make a left, the other exit to make a right(the lane he was in) and a driver behind him went to the right of him, nearly broadsiding the passenger side of his car, on a very narrow shoulder.

My son was probably 2 seconds from getting in a major car accident, if that car had to be so reckless to pass him that way, it’s almost a blessing the careless/distracted/impaired was speeding, because there was no where for my son to go, as there was a car to the left him, which he would’ve had to hit on his side to avoid being broadsided on the right.

My son, being fairly mild mannered, just took  it with a grain of salt. Which probably was the safest thing for him to do, which I will elaborate on, but hopefully it will warrant more discussion as well as input for ideas how to safely experience that.

I,  on the other hand, am now a stressed out wreck. I had felt such a sense of relief, knowing he was so close to home, that even though I know that major car accidents, including fatal ones, can happen within 2 miles of someone’s residence, no one wants to think about that, when it applies to their own loved one.

Even though I was terrifyingly reminded that happens all the time, tonight.

I have spent the last 90 minutes researching, as I’ve done before on both statistics for fatalities as impaired/road rage/distracted driving accident inducing fatalities and defensive driving tactics regarding impaired/road rage /careless/distracted drivers.

In being fully transparent, I do have to admit that while I have tried to instill safe driving habits in my son, which I have, unfortunately my son also learned what not to do, behind the wheel, as a result of the last year I drove, when I was cognitively disabled and my children lived with me and I wasn’t a good driver, then.

While I was ashamed about that then and tried to keep my driving to a bare minimum, both with and without my children in a car that I was driving, I admit that even if I wasn’t intentionally impaired by distraction or medication, I still was medically, due to the disabilities, that I should’ve known better but didn’t.

I’m saying all of this, to remove stigma. While I have more blogs in the works, about chemical dependency and internet/social media/smartphone addiction, in general, as well as road rage, motor vehicles, as I’ve said in the past, even no matter how unintentional (and intentional with road rage), become a weapon, that harm and KILL people daily, due impaired and distracted driving.

While we need more resources and we need that NOW, to combat  addiction, I think it would HELP enormously, to increase the criminal responsibility, liability and consequences as NOT using addiction or impairment of any kind or origin, as an excuse of any kind, once an addict or impaired driver of any kind gets behind the wheel and hurts someone, if not kills them.

The BIGGEST OBSTACLE that I face as an advocate/activist, is the “it can’t happen to me” mindset. I also understand that people are busy and multi-tasking is a way of life, for so many.

I guess the best but not easily understood to the masses analogy I can use for “food for thought” in trying to prevent these senseless deaths would be the following….

If one would NOT try to save someone’s life, whether it be a stranger or a loved one, with any kind of impairment or distraction, why would they do something that could endanger another, if they are distracted?

As capable as the most smartest, multi-talented individual that could be out there, NO ONE should think they are too smart to operate a motor vehicle, distracted or impaired in any way. If one wouldn’t think for a second of getting into a vehicle or even a non moving space with an impaired and/or distracted individual, why would they think it’s okay to do this, themselves,  behind the wheel?

It’s NEVER worth the risk.  So maybe we can ALL  agree and vow not to repeat, as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has done that before, going forward, not to EVER engage in activity that could bring harm if not fatalities, intentionally or not, in ourselves or another human being when operating a motor vehicle.

So, in addition, to pleading to start a dialogue for further prevention initiatives in combating vehicular fatalities and what plays a part in them, is to acknowledge it happens everyday. And that we have to do something about it. NOW.

Children go to school and don’t come back home, because they get ran over, when getting off of a bus, and getting hit by a car. Adults go to work and either don’t make it there or don’t make it home, because they get killed in a motor vehicle accident.

Plus all the various scenarios that people die in vehicular and/or traffic fatalities.

We were reminded on Friday, here in Minnesota, where snow is NOT a foreign substance that drivers usually aren’t familiar driving in, 4 people died, when we got the first snow of the season.

The only thing I can think of, that could help, in addition to more initiatives, is for people when NOT behind the wheel, practice mentally, of how to respond and NOT respond when facing an impaired driver of any kind.

Don’t retaliate, try to to keep calm, even though it’s an anxiety and adrenaline inducing  situation, which can hopefully try and help reduce how scary this can be, when going through a close call, by mentally practicing scenarios when at home, so that doesn’t potentially cause a vehicular accident of it’s own accord, somewhat understandably as nearly being in a car accident due to another’s unsafe driving, obviously is a scary thing to have to go through.

In my son’s case, I feel bad, I couldn’t in good conscience both then or in similar circumstances for prevention of this happening to someone else, of encouraging him try  to get information about the driver and/or vehicles that put him the situations TWICE, to call 911, as it would be unsafe for him and potentially make himself a distracted driver, as the road he was on, especially close to home, is a busy road with no shoulder to pull over and him concentrating on getting identifying information, could’ve been risking causing a car accident of his own accord, by doing that.

Hopefully this will lead to discussion on prevention initiatives and possible ideas for deterrents and much harsher repercussions for impaired/distracted driving.

In 2015, between impaired/distracted driving, over 15,000 people died and over 400,000 people were injured. According  to the CDC, 9 people a DAY, die to distracted driving and according to MADD, 28 people die a day due to impaired driving.

Note: I will only post constructive feedback. Again, nothing I do on the internet is monetized in any way. I put myself out there, in hopes to help people and if something can’t be said constructively or is possibly triggering to myself or another, it will NOT posted, as I am haunted every day for the mistakes I’ve made, even though I’m grateful that it didn’t lead to irrevocable harm in another, but that’s only because of both lack of intention AND luck.

I’m not saying I’m above criticism. But I no longer  drive, so I’m really NOT an issue, as far as this is concerned, so nothing constructive can come from misdirected anger, just because I touch a nerve, with the subject matter. It’s another if I misspoke and I welcome any kind of further direction,input  or advice, as well as if there are already major initiatives in place, but in my research, just didn’t find them.

Also note, in discussing impaired drivers, I’m talking about drivers who have some idea that they could potentially cause an accident. Meaning, for example, someone who has a form of of epilepsy, that isn’t well managed with medications, should know not to drive. Especially if they’ve been in motor vehicle accidents while having a seizure (sadly I know more than one person, where that has been the case, hence this is why I’m using it as an example) Someone though who doesn’t have a health history and suddenly has a heart attack or a stroke, some impairments CANNOT be forecasted and truly are tragedies that sadly can’t necessarily be prevented.

Edit/Clarification note: Sigh… Edits when proofing before publishing did NOT go through, I did have to edit (which I realize may be hard to believe, due to the length of blog) but that unfortunately require this clarification, as in it’s original published state, the few words that were corrected, TOTALLY changed the context of the point I was trying to make.

How MANY more people have to DIE, before we have MAJOR Mental Health initiatives in place?

It’s been a quiet weekend, on purpose.

For the type of activism that I do, for the sake of my well being, I don’t read the news very much, on weekends.

I just happened to check out, about 10 minutes ago, when I saw the headline, that a young beautiful, brilliant and kind woman died, when another even younger person, a 12 year old child, tried to commit suicide, yesterday.

The 22 year old Maryland woman, her name was Marisa Harris, died in Virginia, yesterday, when a 12 year old boy jumped off an overpass and landed on her vehicle and the young boy is listed in critical condition with life threatening injuries.

Marisa, according the and The Washington Post article, was getting her masters in clinical counseling, who loved working with children, at the time of her death.

Her heartbroken family could sadly see the irony in that.

I decided to write yet another blog, about this issue, because we can’t as a society become numb to this.

A young woman, who had already enriched so many people’s lives and could’ve saved countless  other people’s lives, was robbed at such a young age, of living life to the fullest because a young 12 year old boy, couldn’t see the value in his own life.

I wish there was more I could do, to not only bring attention to the seriousness and the acute need to have more comprehensive mental health initiatives funded by government, in schools (from the time children are young), to the workplace and in facilities and in the media, to help people from the time they are young, until they are very old.

To give all human beings, the opportunity to get help when in crisis, as well to try and  prevent traumas that can play into crisis and for evaluation, treatment and rehabilitation for any human being who’s at risk of taking their own life, as well as other lives.

My thoughts and prayers are with both the families and friends of Marisa Harris and with the young 12 year old boy, where I hope that he should survive, but I can’t even imagine what both families are now facing.

No one should have to know of that and none of us should wait any longer before advocating for more comprehensive awareness and treatment options for those who are at risk of their mental health issues being fatal to them or another person/people.

Rest In Peace, Marisa………………

Note: I didn’t think it was fitting, to put in the body of the blog, about the young father who was tragically killed, a few weeks ago, when teens through a rock on an overpass. I think it’s noteworthy, even though they are two separate tragedies.

One innocent person died as a result of a youth, not realizing the consequences of their actions, could hurt another person. The other was by teens that should’ve been old enough to know that their actions could result in a fatality, and just didn’t care what the potential consequences could be, in their victim.

Also note, due to the nature of THIS particular blog, I didn’t put my normal disclaimer of people seeking acute clinically trained help, when in an acute mental health crisis, as in this case, it wouldn’t have helped.

Editorial note/update: Blog was written and published on 10-29-2017.

“Why didn’t you fight back?!?” #MeToo #WhyIDidntFightBack


I really didn’t want to write this blog. I figured my last blog, I’d do the topic justice regarding rape and sexual harassment and why people don’t come forward to report sexual harassment and rape, regardless of socio-economics, gender and ages of the perpetrators, among many other factors.

I figured I’d do what I can, to help others and then be able to walk away.

Shortly after I published my blog, the ONLY hateful thing I got about what I wrote, was someone, insinuating that it would’ve been “unlikely” for me to be a rape victim and asking me to define, what I  “defined”  as rape.

Which relcutantly I did, by additionally adding a clarification, on my last blog. It wasn’t to help myself. It was with great trepidation, as I explained that both my parents and my children are on the internet, including my teenage daughter, who has NO idea that this has happened to me. And NO ONE had known all the details, the VERY little I’ve talked about this both in my personal life and the little I’ve brought up, as an a activist/blogger.

I’ve seen though enough misguided dialogue on social media and the media in general,that I will explain a few things about how not only is it insensitive at best, but at worst, it re-victimizes victims of rape and sexual harassment when it’s questioned and debated ad nauseum, why they don’t fight back.

Let alone say anything at all, and maybe this will add necessary feedback to what’s needed in the dialogue of prevention of rape and sexual harassment, as well as making it a safer society for victims to come forward.

When I was raped in January of 1996, I didn’t fight back, because while I was very heavy, my rapist had 40 lbs on me and also had said he wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t.

He also had an established career in the MILITARY (I’m not demonizing his profession in any way, other than it was why I didn’t feel it would’ve been worth the risk to fight back).

I had a young child, to think of. Who then, I couldn’t be his mother, if I was DEAD. I didn’t trust the fact he said he wouldn’t hurt me physically, because for one, he already had and while I was seriously violated physically and emotionally, I at least didn’t increase my odds, of unrecoverable physical injury or death, which I’m not blaming those who do fight back and seriously hurt, if not killed, (of course,if it prevents rape and assault, I’m grateful that was that person’s result)  it’s just my mindset at the time, was I had to survive this and go on with my life, in hopes that I could at least walk away from this.

I’ve seen since my experience in the mental health system, people though who are 90 lbs be able to beat the crap out of someone’s a foot taller and 100 lbs more than them, due to RAGE.

So all I have to add at this point, while the dialogue that’s happening is SO necessary, be VERY careful on what people say either clearly or insinuate, of why others should’ve fought back or that if they were in that situation that they would’ve, is extremely HARMFUL.

For more than one reason, as I’ve tried to highlight.

I can’t speak for everyone who’s been a victim and/or would rather consider themselves just a survivor of rape and sexual harassment, of why they didn’t fight back and or what their triggers going forward, are.  I can only speak for myself. Only they can tell you their stories and hopefully they will be listened to, with sensitivity and their physical and emotional safety, going forward.

But I’d ask, for those who’ve NOT experienced any type of rape, physical assault or harassment, aren’t a clinically trained professional and/or law enforcement professional who hasn’t worked with victims, of choosing words carefully when you question any aspect of an assault, no matter what the circumstances ARE.

Especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, when it comes to “Why didn’t you fight back?!?!”

Note: I’m pubishing this blog, with great tredpidation, in hopes it helps others. I do the activism that I do, to help other people. I’m not saying I’m better or worse than anyone, in my case, where with my disability sets, I don’t monetize anything that I do, nor do I crave being in the spotlight in any way.

I feel strongly enough, that it’s worth for me to try to help others by chiming in this dialogue, to risk attention, this way. I’m only doing so, because I truly believe it can help other people.

I’m also making it clear, with like most of my blogs, any comment that’s not constructive and respectful, will NOT be published. Thanks!!!

Edit/Additional Note: When I created #WhyIDidntFightBack, it was to open the door of giving victims/survivors a means of telling their stories, not being able to forecast of how many people will read this blog.

The horrible messages that society and the media SHOULD NOT be promoting, when discussing Harvey Weinstein, rapists, rape victims, assault and sexual harassment….

Trigger Warnings: If you or someone you know is in danger of hurting someone else, please seek acute medical/mental health treatment and or contact law enforcement. If you’ve been a victim of rape or sexual harassment know that in addition to the links above, that there are multiple avenues of support for people to get support and recover from the trauma physically and mentally that this can cause, if in acute need, please get acute help from a professional, in an appropriate setting. The same could be said, though if it happened a long time ago and have decided to get support, now.

Goddamn it!!!

I didn’t want to  have to write this blog. I thought for how much discussion about rape and sexual harassment was being discussed by public figures I adore, I wouldn’t have to say the following, below.

That someone I’d adore who’s in the public eye,would bring this up, but sadly that hasn’t been the case, so here we go…

I like most people (and being an activist who tries to remove stigma) has been horrified like most decent people, when it came out that Harvey Weinstein, a powerful Hollywood mogul had raped, sexually assaulted and harassed multiple women for decades, both actresses, female reporters and other women have now come forward.

Since the story broke, it’s leading to a very necessary dialogue we have to have as a society regarding rape and sexual harassment, both in the workplace and out of it.

It’s easy to go for the jugular, or in this case, above and below Harvey Weinstein’s  neck, as far as making derogatory statements that are justified about what he did, but also what he looks like.

And that is the REASON for this blog. In seeing in the media the jokes about his looks and his weight, sends a HORRIBLE multi-complex message, to perpetrators and victims alike, that while his money and power was something that allowed him to get away with despicable crimes he perpetuated on his victims,for decades. And if the looks and fat shaming of a rapist, if that reasoning for hate on rapists or murderers existed, exclusive to that population, ALONE, I probably wouldn’t lose much sleep at night, but it isn’t and that mindset hurts millions of innocent people regardless of their size.

Let me explain.

As it  sends a very misguided and dangerous message that only not attractive men are perps in these horrible crimes but that only conventionally attractive or beautiful women can ONLY be victims.

Rape and sexual harassment can have victims of both women and men. That isn’t being questioned. It shouldn’t be perpetuated in any form that someone who is not considered by society’s stringent standards of beauty, that people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive aren’t victims.

We saw this exemplified last year, when women spoke out against Donald Trump, who had said to the effect of “Look at her, like I’d even want that?!?!”.

I’m in no way wanting to change the good that’s coming out of the national dialogue about rape and sexual harassment both in the workplace and outside of it.

It just needs to be expanded on and it needs to include that we have to have to establish and educate that both rapists and their victims can be of all ages, all genders and all shapes, sizes, personal and professional relationships and within consideration of what’s considered attractive and in all socio-economic backrounds.

That we need to educate people on how to get help for their predatory violent behavior and have resources in place for that, in helps for prevention.

We have to have more resources and a safer and evolved society that realizes that there are victims of all ages, genders, races, religions and shapes and sizes.

And to start this education, from the time people are young.

I remember when I was 25, as a young mother participating in Early Childhood Family Education, that we once watched a video, about “Stranger Danger” of how to teach our children that you cannot go by the way someone looks, to determine whether or not is a danger. I really wish something like that existed now, where it’s more needed than ever.

When I was raped, at the age of 26,  I didn’t say anything because I was fat single mother of 1 and my rapist was someone who was considered attractive, as well as accomplished.

I didn’t think anyone would believe me and in my life, other than a blog or two, where I only started mentioning it, was because a rape victim, who was victimized repeated at a young age by her brother, had gone viral.

I only personally healed from that, unconventionally, because I spared myself further trauma by NOT talking about it. Because I could chalk up my rapist as an asshole, as in my case, he didn’t know anything but my name and my phone number. I couldn’t have beared to put what I went through out there to the  people who I care about and risk whatever unsupportive thing they may have had to say about it.

And that’s AWFUL, as it applies to me. And I can’t be the only person who’s had to have that mindset.

I feel obviously then, heartbreakingly awful for the victims of any rape, incest, physical assault and sexual harassment. I think that the bravery of Harvey Weinstein’s victims or anyone who comes forward is commendable, but also and his victims stories and his heinous actions, have to be the start of a much more comprehensive dialogue on rape and rape victims, where ALL victims of rape,incest  and sexual harassment can safely tell their experiences and have the opportunity for support and healing.

But we can’t make inroads of prevention of rape,incest  and sexual harassment without more resources for discussing openly on the complex multi-faceted why people rape and sexual harass without blaming their victims and to have treatment options before they ever offend. That perpetrators and victims are of all ages, genders, sexual preference, races, religion, socio-economics, individual perceptions of attractiveness and shapes and sizes.

Note: I have both as an activist and a personal investment in the reasons that played in the need for me to write this blog. If you want to find out how much hate there is, towards unconventional people who are victims of rape and physical assault, try looking for a meme, like I did, before writing this blog.

It’s a bunch of hateful bullshit that makes mockery of the idea of rape in people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive fat or thin. That’s hurtful to any human being who’s been violated physically and/or emotionally with rape and harassment and it hurts everyone.

Additional Note/Clarification/Edited after receiving anonymous hate:

I didn’t realize I had to spell out what happened to me, personally, of what I define as rape. I normally don’t do this, because not only do I have parents on the internet, so are my children.

I met someone unfortunately in their home, on 1/1/1996, a blind date, that was supposed to lead to going out to lunch. I realized the very second, I walked into that man’s home, that I made a mistake, it was a gut instinct and said I had a headache and needed to go home. He forcefully  grabbed by the arm and said I wasn’t going anywhere. I said please no, but I didn’t fight him, because he said he wouldn’t hurt me if I gave him what he wanted and kept  quiet.

So the specifics of my rape was forceful vaginal and anal penetration that led to bleeding and oral that led to gagging that I held back my vomit, to not further upset him. Did he beat me up or cause any further injury other than when he grabbed my arm and then physically violated me, that way? NO. When he was done, he said I could go and I left.

I couldn’t cry or show being upset, right after it happened,  either, when I left, because I had to pick up my 2 1/2 year old son, who was being babysat by my parents. I couldn’t cry or be upset, when I got home, because I didn’t want to upset my son. I went to work the next day and went on with my life. I was NOT okay, for the first 6 months afterwards, but I couldn’t show it.

This is what I mean when and why people are afraid go forward with their stories about rape and sexual assault. IF a woman is attractive, she’s asking for it. Or there’s many other consequences such as the victims of Harvey Weinstein, have showed why those women didn’t say anything.

If she’s not considered attractive and deemed unfuckable, by most people, it’s not believable an attractive accomplished man would do that. And if both attractive people and people who aren’t considered attractive, they get blamed should they press charges, if the charges stick and they are put on trial, right along with the people who commit these crimes. And it’s worse now that victims get tried in the court of social media.

Unless people are more evolved and understand the dynamics of rape and sexual harassment. It’s about humiliation. It’s about power, regardless of socio-economics. Rapists and sexual harassers can be parents, they can be children of any age, they can be family members, spouses and significant others, they can be doctors, teachers, fellow students, friends, police officers, members of the clergy of any religion, among many other populations.

I guess if someone felt the need to question in a derogatory way, I hope they only chose me. I hope they realize the harm, because it wasn’t asked in an innocent way, that I don’t choose to talk about the specifics of it normally, the little I do now, as an activist who works with people who have PTSD issues as a result of both childhood and adult trauma, because it isn’t helpful to either myself or who I’m trying to help as I don’t want people in medical and mental health crisis, to have to worry about me, as well as what I said about my parents and my kids being on the internet.

So whoever felt that need to do that, congratulations for not being a rapist or someone who’s capable of violent crime.

You still are an asshole that could work on your regard and trying to have empathy or at least apathy, for human beings, because if you can’t be part of the solution, don’t try to make people’s problems worse for them!!!

Women are NOT who they are MARRIED to…

Nor should women be defined, demeaned and discriminated against because of who they are married to.

Not that anybody should be, with exception that I’ll explain in more detail, in my next blog regarding rape, sexual harassment and Harvey Weinstein. And the aftermath of his actions and the public and media response to that.

In this blog, I’m concentrating on as it applies to politics and feminism, as this is specifically about Hillary Clinton and our First Lady Melania Trump.

While the former being someone I voted for President and wished everyday since the election that she WAS President of the United States, since the election last year, I can’t not include the sadness I feel for how badly our First Lady Melania Trump is treated.

I’m pretty sure neither Hillary Clinton nor our First Lady will ever ever read this blog.

Nor do I think they would necessarily care about what poor disabled blogger in Minneapolis has to think, but I’m going to still say what I have to say and there is multiple reasons WHY.

Feminism should not be a political issue. It is, I get the multi-faceted complex reasons WHY it is.

Even if I believe it’s wrong.

I guess this is the time to both post disclaimers and major personal opinions I carry, as it applies to Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump’s HUSBANDS:

1. I like Bill Clinton. I don’t agree with everything he’s ever done both personally and professionally and combination, there of.

2. I cannot say the same thing about President Donald Trump. I come from a conservative Republican household and I was a Republican before my oldest (who turns 25, tomorrow!!!) was born. I was a young hardworking single woman who paid a ton of money in taxes for someone who didn’t make a ton of money, I’d ignorantly resented any type of welfare system, until Karma kicked in, I got laid off from my job, 2 weeks before my oldest was born and found myself in NEED of that welfare system. For like things like formula for my baby.

But I’ve never liked Donald Trump. As a born in Brooklyn  but raised in Minnesota person, I appreciate blunt honesty. I don’t appreciate selective honesty. I don’t believe in people making money in a dishonest way, at the expense of others. Donald Trump as a businessman,  one can’t really take too personally, though.

He’s screwed over both poor people and rich people, before he became our president and he just can now do this on a global scale, with much more resources to hurt people, than just power and money that comes from being a real estate mogul who’s had television shows.

He doesn’t care about anyone except himself, that’s always been his agenda. Not his family, his employees, the country, it’s just him in his thoughts and now 24/7 in the media.

With that being said, as far as Hillary Clinton is concerned, do I think that white women,  used some kind of rationale to vote against their conscience not being able to differentiate the type of human beings that Bill Clinton and Donald Trump are?


Do I think though that it’s unfair that First Lady Melania Trump is made a target of outrage based upon the words and actions of her husband?


It’s no one’s business why people get married (I’m talking about consensual relationships), let alone why they stay in their marriages.


But the kind of misogynist hate that’s being thrown before Hillary Clinton and First Lady Melania Trump is a feminist issue.

That people made political. IF someone’s hates Hillary Clinton and they lean towards the right, they’ll HATE her, for something that they wouldn’t for someone who’s a Republican. Or a male.

Because c’mon, if Hillary Clinton had won the presidency, you don’t think that our President wouldn’t be trying to make her life a living HELL, via the media every single day since the election? He’s doing still trying to do that on a regular basis and he did win!!!

On the flip side, for those who lean more the left, First Lady Melania Trump can’t do anything right, either. If she picks cyber-bulling as a topic for awareness, she’s a hypocrite. Anything and everything she does, says and wears and who she  is picked apart, just because of her husband.

I’m going to go out on my own hypocritical limb, in trying to make a point about this. I don’t think HATING on either Hillary Clinton or Melania Trump, is justified.

But Hillary Clinton DID have some idea of what she was going to be up against, being in politics and the public spotlight for so long. I don’t think Melania Trump would’ve married Donald Trump, if she knew he was going to run for president.

I expect, should this blog be read, quite a bit of blowback from BOTH sides. It’s too bad that we live in a society that saying or doing the right thing, has to correspond with one’s political affiliation.

And that I think it’s horrible, that while I do believe in freedom of speech and expression, that people have a million reasons why they think they should be picking a fight or bullying someone for any reason.

But it’s even worse now when people have to pay the price in an era where people can’t agree to respectfully disagree, when they go after families and spouses and use their actions to target their rage, for both any and no reason. For profit and recreation. In an age where people can instantaneously and in multiple ways target their hate.

And that’s unfortunately not just a feminist issue, but a human rights issue, as well.

Note: I will NOT publish any responses that are hateful in nature. I believe fully in everyone’s right to have an opinion. If it can’t be though expressed rationally and respectfully, hence one of the major reasons I had to write this blog, don’t even bother wasting my time or yours, in trying to ruin my day, just because I can do a better job, in this case, of disagreeing with people, respectfully. Thanks!!!

Also note. I do activism for reverse sexism, misandry and androphobia. Just not on this blog, today, OK?

Another HORRIBLE point that I wish I didn’t have to make, when talking about reducing MURDER/S and gun control….

Important Note: PLEASE, if you or anyone you know, is in any danger of causing harm or fatality, to themselves or others, please seek emergency acute intervention with clinical professionals and law enforcement, right away….


I’m honestly NOT trying to be a jerk, when it comes to the topic of gun control and reducing the murder rate.

It happened to be after this week in feeling heartbroken about the Las Vegas massacre and the many other tragic things going on in the world, I’ve been trying to avoid the news, this weekend.

Unfortunately and horrifically, I just happened to catch a local news story today, where a man in Minneapolis, tried on Friday night to set an apartment building on fire, with the intention of everyone in the building, to be murdered that way.

His exact words were to a witness of him pouring accelerant in the hallways was “I’m about to set this building on fire, y’all better get out because everyone is going to die”.

One innocent person did actually die, in his attempt to jump out of the building, to escape.

And many people were successfully rescued, due to efforts by our amazing Minneapolis Fire Department and Minneapolis Police Department (which I’ve written other blogs in hopes of trying to honor and thank our MPD, MFD, other first responders and Minneapolis 911 operators, not saying that self serving but out of gratitude for what they do for us, locally) where multiple units were involved.

Even though those residents sadly lost most of their belongings and currently their housing, which the Red Cross is helping with the victims. I haven’t been able to find out what happened to the person who tragically died and/or his survivors, at the time of writing and publishing this blog.

Right before starting this blog, I was able to check the record of the murderous arsonist.

He had 2 traffic incidences, in the last 2 1/2 years.

But the bigger deal, that goes along with the point I’m trying to make, is that he also had a felony in 2014 , from a drug related charge that prohibited him from being able to possess a firearm, whether or not he tried to buy one, illegally, no one knows.

This fire happened to occur only 7 blocks from where I live.

It also happens to be, that Mother’s Day weekend in 2015, I had a neighbor in my building, who I didn’t know, pack her stuff, moved it out of her apartment and then set her apartment on fire.

In that case, no one was injured. While extensive damage was done to her unit and the units next to it, it didn’t render my building uninhabitable like it did to the apartment building that was affected this weekend.

I had a heartbreaking conversation, a day or two after, with one of my neighbors who did lose most of his stuff in that fire. He had lost a child, in a previous residence, in addition to most of his belongings, due to a different fire, so he was able to have a much better attitude than most of us who were not affected, given losing a child.

A few days ago, a woman set her 4 year old on fire, killing him in Wisconsin.

This could go on. But it can’t go on. We have to have the dialogue and more resources for prevention of these tragedies.

While all these tragedies involve people who are seriously mentally ill (but please read my last blog by lumping the majority of the mentally ill, with murderers), there is a separation, in addition to the amount of life that’s been lost, that goes beyond MOTIVE.

The difference between the man who set the apartment building on fire and the man who committed the massacre in Las Vegas, the difference was/is MONEY.

This cannot continue to be the norm. We can’t become numb and indifferent, just because we are bombarded by countless tragedies like these, everyday.

Again, I’m not saying let’s not make this about gun control, as it is a major issue and I believe in much stricter gun control. I’ve in my almost 48 years have never touched a gun and I would never own one, because I already know that  I’m NOT even capable of shooting someone in self defense (although I admit, I think I’d be capable if I had to, to shoot someone else, in protection of someone I love, if that was an issue, but it’s not).

My NOT owning a gun, has nothing to do with the fact I have diagnosed mental health issues that’s on record. Because I don’t have a desire to own a firearm, I haven’t even tried to see if I’m eligible for one.

The man who committed the Las Vegas massacre, didn’t have record of mental health issues, though and neither did the man who set that apartment building on fire on Friday, near where I live (at least in Minnesota, where I checked his civil and criminal record).

PLEASE, if we don’t have the dialogue we need to have, as well as comprehensive initiatives to try to find out if these can be prevented, because as I’ve said before, innocent people not just in America, but globally are horrifically murdered, be it one person or almost 5 dozen, by multiple means, not just including guns, we don’t have a chance in reducing these horrible tragedies, that keep going on, over and over again.

Don’t wait until it effects someone you love and care about, we all have to do our part, make our concerned voices heard, in trying to at least do something for prevention.

Please don’t wait until it actually hits home, to say or take action for prevention of all these senseless murders.

Note: Any constructive difference of opinion, I welcome. Any potentially mean or hateful comments will NOT published. Thanks…

Additional note: Edits that I thought took place, prior to publishing blog, didn’t, that did effect very little but important context, that I was trying to make.

I apologize for that.

A gentle but not subtle reminder, in regards of massacres with guns and the mentally ill…

I’m not looking for pity, with what I’m about to say.

I like most people, who was horrified, in regards to the tragic massacre in Las Vegas and felt compelled to act in someway, however small.

After my last blog, I decided to decompress, by watching You Tube.

And I’m honestly not trying to say anything mean, towards Jimmy Kimmel, who I adore for many reasons.

I don’t believe like most people, that any citizen should have ANY access to an automatic weapon. I agreed with almost everything Jimmy Kimmel said in his 10-2-2017 monologue, that I just finished watching, but he was not as careful as he should have been, in trying to make a point about gun control laws and the mentally ill.

And I’m not calling him specifically out, given again, I don’t believe he meant to hurt anyone, only to help. And he’s not the only one. But he is the only one I’ve paid more attention to, than others.

The only reason why I feel compelled, in hopes of trying to bring attention and awareness for mass murders/and/or suicides, over and over again, because of the sanctity and highest regard of human life, that I have.

The only true lack of disregard for anyone’s life, that I have EVER had, is my own.

I wear a hairshirt, for free, on the internet, because my mental health issues, while only potentially fatal to me, did have consequences on the ones I love the most. Which I’ve repeated over and over again, in hopes to help other people.

Not to mention of what I’ve tried to do, with my loved ones who were effected, of them knowing that I never meant to cause them sadness and I never meant to be negligable in any way, to my children who I love the most.

But, PLEASE, I am begging of people, do NOT taint people who have mental illness with someone who had no record but spent the last minutes of his life as a mentally deranged domestic terrorist, killing 59 innocent people and wounding over 500 innocent people.

Most mentally ill people are likely to be a target of a violent crime, than to perpetuate one.

It becomes dangerous, to innocent people, when people don’t choose their words as carefully as they should. I can understand and not be angry when hosts like Jimmy Kimmel make impassioned pleas, in hopes to save people’s lives.

I’m trying as a disabled activist that, too. Save lives, that is. And I have, which I hate to keep repeating, as it’s not meant to be self-serving.

But when people have a large audience and a lot of influence, if they aren’t super careful in how they choose their words, it can cause irrerprable damage to an innocent majority of people, who would never cause harm in another.

Even though it’s not meant, intentionally.

I’ve said it before, and I’ve said it VERY CAREFULLY. Anyone who is capable of causing violent if not fatal harm, to one person, let alone commit a massacre, IS mentally ill.

But it can’t be said enough, I guess, that it must be differentiated that MANY people who live and/or suffer from mental illness, do NOT pose a safety threat to anyone and even accidently promoting that kind of stigma, could cause terrible harm if not be fatal, to someone, just because they have diagnosed mental illness, that doesn’t pose a safety threat to anyone.

Both actions and words, are of the utmost importance when trying to combat violent crime. Please choose with great care, both actions and words.

They both matter, more than hopefully, you’ll ever have to know, if this has not effected someone.

Thank you.


And NEITHER should YOU.

It’s easy for the disabled blogger to say, who has more time on their hands, than most people, that while the last 24 hours have been horrific, with the Las Vegas Massacre and now, Tom Petty’s passing, to honor those we love and lose, to find something to believe in and advocate for it.

As well as learn from it.

IF you believe in stricter gun control (if you’ve read previous blogs of mine, it’s NOT that I don’t believe in it, I most definitely do. I just don’t think it’s enough) in murder/and/or suicide prevention,  advocate for that.

IF you believe that we need more medical advocacy and education about cardiac arrest, heart attack and heart disease, learn what’s needed, when there could be warning signs (and sometimes, there isn’t 😦  , to feel less helpless.

Learn and get certified in emergency first aid, if you can. But it’s not you’re fault if someone dies and you didn’t know it.

If you’re like me and have let your certification lapse, you can still learn how to respond in an emergency, as the American Heart Association has videos on CPR and AED, for adult, child and infant emergency response, if you don’t have the money or the time to attend certification classes.

There are samaritan laws that will protect you, for trying in good faith, to save a life. If that’s a fear, in not learning emergency responses.

In my case, where I forgot due to disabilities, on the difference between cardiac arrest and heart attack, educate yourself first, with that, so you can try and respond with the appropriate emergency rescue technique.

The same with other type of first responder emergencies, such as how to help stop bleeding from a gunshot or a stabbing can also be found on You Tube.

As well as choking and many forms of first aid.

As well as there’s many forms of medical/mental health issues that one can be passionate about to bring about awareness, that might save a life.

But realize, it can’t always save a life/lives and sadly it’s no one’s fault.

While in the midst of horrific tragedy, with the Las Vegas Massacre we saw amazing bravery and heroic behavior.

But know that it doesn’t make anyone less of a human being, if they have multiple reasons for not wanting to give  up their life to save another.

It can just help learning proper techniques to save a life, to feel less helpless, in a world that can feel so unsafe and unsettling, at times.

Donate if you have the resources to the less fortunate, in whatever causes you believe in.

But don’t feel bad if you don’t have anything to give and are just trying to get by, whether it be medically, financially and mentally or combination there of.

Ask for help when you need it. But because of above reasons, realize some people may not have it in them, for multiple reasons to give.

Keep trying though. And tell your story,  it could possibly help someone and it’s not at your expense emotionally, financially and/or mentally.

When/If you’re ready to. But it’s okay, if you’re not.

While I started this blog with what I thought was the most unrelatable life story, EVER, I did find people that it help, in my hopes, that it would remove stigma and people would get the help they need.

And it has helped others enormously, as it helped save lives, as well as prove to me, that even though we can be put in awful situations (I’m in NO way comparing myself to anyone who died or lived through yesterday’s horrific tragedy and their loved ones) and greater good can come out of it.

Finding things to believe in and trying to help others, if you can, doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t fall down, yourself.

No one, is superhuman strong all the time.

If there is ANY positive to the last 24 hours, in addition to the heroic and bravery we saw with the victims of the massacre and with Tom Petty’s passing, that they all did what they loved, were amazing human beings and lived life to the fullest, the best they could, until their untimely passing.

Tell people you love and care about them, everyday. You never know when that opportunity will be taken away.

But life can’t be lived in constant fear. We had some have the best people teach us that, today, if not for the last month and years.

So most of us will all fall down, sometime in our lives. You can still live the best life that you’re capable of, by standing up for what you believe in. And what those who you love and care about, believe in.

And not ever backing down, in what is a good fight. And fight but live with light, when you can, not just for yourself, but those you love.

That’s how love triumphs over evil. That’s how love prevails in loss of loved ones, that can’t be prevented.

Every. Single. Time.

In everyone of us that is lit from within. Which all good people, even those who are quite flawed, like me, find positive purpose helps make it to the next day with resiliance. Even when there’s grief and sadness that we as humans, experience.

So don’t ever back down, in what you believe in. Stand your ground. And remember there’s ALWAYS something to believe in, that’s positive, that will get you to the next day, even in our darkest days.


Note: Unfortunately with my disability sets, while I can find videos on how to perform live saving techniques, from AHA or and other reputable certified organizations,  I can’t link them, as I’m left to a tablet and can’t copy and paste links, since my laptop battery died.

IF anyone wants to do that in the comment section of this blog, I’d really appreciate it.

I’d also appreciate it, if this blog is not relatable and one doesn’t have constructive advice on how to improve it, to please keep it to yourself.


Now, I’m going to find solace, like I have been for decades in Tom Petty’s music, either as a solo artist, with the Heartbreakers and The Traveling Wilburys.

(edit note: I wish this didn’t have to be said. However I was horrified when I went on Twitter to manually link this blog. There’s a fine line in fighting a good fight in what one believes in and becoming a hater and/or bully in the process. Kinda like that ole adage goes, but “lisafied”.

Fighting and hating for peace or a more peaceful resolution, makes about as much sense as “screwing for viginity”)


#lasvegasmassacre #lasvegas

As a not very highly read mental health activist and blogger, I’m wracking my non clinically trained feeble minded brain on what is exactly the right thing to say or do, after this horrific tragedy.

I didn’t put my normal disclaimer of “you or anyone you know is in medical or mental health crisis and is capable of hurting themselves or others, please seek immediate professional help and/or contact law enforcement, immediately”, because it wouldn’t have helped.

The man who committed this massacre and then shot himself, had apparently NO history of violence and worked alone, at the time I’m writing/publishing this blog.

I lean on the liberal side of a lot of things, politically. The only recurring topic that I feel compelled to say over and over again, when blogging about murder/suicides that involve a firearms, is that the discussion just can’t be about gun control.

People have been mass murdered others by bombs, cars, poison and planes.

The man where his motives haven’t been established, had a pilot’s license. It’s not worth debating whether his pilot’s license was valid, because if someone is capable of shooting off automatic weapons to kill as many people as possible, could be capable of hijacking a plane and flying it into a populated building.

PLEASE, if we’re going to have a discussion on prevention of these horrific tragedies, it can’t just include gun control.

All aspects of murders/suicides HAS to be a part of the national and global discussion.

And how we can help the victims who survive and the survivors of the murdered.

Not just weapon/s of choice.

I happen to have been in Las Vegas exactly 2 years ago, while I’m trying to wrap my head on how someone could do this, let alone, get that type of weapontry into a major hotel and casino, I’m just going to say that I’m heartbroken and my thoughts are with the family and friends and anyone who was effected by this horrible tragedy.

I just think the best way going forward, is to have major initiatives for prevention, intervention and rehabilitation, for people who are capable of these heinous acts. And that once (and/or IF) a motive is found, it’s only discussed, so this doesn’t keep happening for different reasons, over and over and OVER again, with the murderers getting all the attention, especially if they’re either caught or dead.


There’s NO social media in Heaven…

(I’m reblogging this blog from 2015,  as a result of the 2017 Las Vegas massacre, and because I don’t have the right words and resources to address that personally and because I still believe in the sentiment shared in this blog….My thoughts and prayers are with anyone and everyone affected by this current horrific tragedy)

Nor is there any social media in HELL…

Because this is a serious blog, as I’m heartsick, like most of the world, due to the horrific Germanwings tragedy, where 150 people died on Tuesday. It’s compounded in the last 72 hours of 2 police officers, who were murdered in the line of duty. SJPD Officer Michael was murdered in San Jose when responding to a suicide call. The other peace officer, Wisconsin State trooper, Trooper Trevor Casper at the age of 21, was murdered when trying to stop a robbery suspect.

I’m not looking for a theological debate whether or not there is an afterlife. The point of this blog is to start a dialogue to prevent more of these senseless tragedies from happening over and over again. And what part, if any, social media has to play in it.

It don’t think it will help to debate what to call what happened with the Germanwings tragedy. I look at it, from my perspective, as a mass murder/suicide, though. Again, I’m not a clinically trained professional of any kind.

I can only hope that, globally, we start initiatives to find out the WHY in past tragedies, which will vary, on how to prevent future tragedies and loss of life.

Meaning that the motivation in each of these murders, may be different. And require a different approach in getting people who need help, to seek it, before they commit these horrific acts of violence.

Where I think social media plays a part in people who need the most serious of interventions, is the fact that the perpetrators of these crimes, gain a lot of attention. Even in death. But in their terribly irrational and/or erratic states or when they snap, they think there is some payoff, because they will get attention for the worst reasons, possible.

Again….Even IF they are DEAD. And if there isn’t a suicide component and/or they aren’t killed upon being captured, they still get horrifically, an additional payoff of being considered newsworthy, all over social media, tv and in print.

I think at best, other than major initiatives for help, is to start with NOT giving violent dead criminals or violent criminals who kill , ANY attention on social media.  It’s feeding into an irrational need for those who have the propensity to be violent, it hurts all of society and it’s disrespectful to their victims.

There’s not much more I can say. I’ve talked about murder/suicides, murder of police officers, as well of how many people are killed either by strangers or loved ones in their daily lives.

I can only hope that government and the best of medical and psychiatric professionals, as well as others who can help given insight, into comprehensive initiatives for prevention of these tragedies and help for those who are capable of killing people and violent harm.

But again, it bears repeating. The fastest way to help, until initiatives are in place is to STOP giving criminals all this media attention.

Note: Again, if someone is in medical or mental health crisis, of any kind or someone you know, PLEASE seek immediate professional attention from an acute care facility and/or law enforcement.

SAMSHA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 1-800-273-8255

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