It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for July, 2015

In Defense of Dr. Walter Palmer……..

While chiming in with a very unpopular opinion, is terrifying me, I can’t remain silent. While I wrote this blog last night, I’m only publishing it, now. Because I can’t take all the hating, any longer on this man. I was more afraid to publish this blog, than I was to publish the blog I wrote about the massacre in Paris earlier this year (where I mock a TERRORIST group) or the blog that I took issue with a cop killer here in Minnesota, as he’s an example of why we need the death penalty.

But I think my reason for being afraid of consequences of this blog are understandable given the circumstances. I just can’t keep my mouth shut on something I believe is wrong.

You couldn’t be on social media yesterday (and it’s only getting worse, now, today)  without hearing about a Minnesota dentist who killed a beloved lion, Cecil, earlier this month, in Zimbabwe.

While I’ve seen this go viral, I’ve literally seen hundreds of articles be posted on social media (although I think there are thousands of articles at this point in time, at a minimum), as well as opinions from Facebook friends, that I absolutely adore, who are to an extent, justifiably, absolutely outraged that this occurred.

(Note: Although I’m a little more than mildly curious, if how many people gave a shit about lions and other animals  being poached in Zimbabwe before last Tuesday. I willl give Ricky Gervais some leeway as he’s been an animal activist before the world started hating on Dr. Palmer)

However this man has a family. His career as a dentist, is most likely, over. He’s receiving death threats. He’s being more reviled than the man who shot and killed 2 people and injured 9 people at a movie theater in Louisiana, last week.

You get people like Sharon Osbourne who says on Twitter, ” I hope that loses his home, his practice & his money. He has already lost his soul..”

Um, Sharon, didn’t your “batshit” crazy husband bite the head off a bat???

Point is, Dr. Palmer,  has been tried and convicted of murder, in the court of social media by millions of people, now. And by quite a few people, who are saying that he should be KILLED in the same fashion.

Do you realize how FUCKING hypocritical this makes so many people??? I’m not saying what Dr. Walter Palmer did, was ok. Because it’s not. But you don’t show outrage for killing either an animal or human being by wishing bodily harm, if not death on a human being.

SO……PLEASE explain to me, if you treat you friends and/or your family who fish (I’d be right up there with not wanting to die by being shot with an arrow, a gun or a hook in my mouth) or who hunt other animals, like deer. like this man is being treated or how would you feel if he was a family member or a friend???

What I’ve seen now, is that a murder of an innocent animal, while extremely sad, is uniting people in droves who may differ in any other types of beliefs whether it be religion, politics, etc , in hatred for another human being.

You want to make a difference while having your voice heard about animal cruelty, violence and/or death ? Push for major restrictions on hunting animals. Period. Just make sure you INCLUDE all animals whether it be a lion, deer,a bear, cow, chicken, rattlesnake or a bee. Whether it be in Africa or North America, or anywhere else on Earth.

And  make sure you do a backround check, on any of the animals you may eat or wear, of how they died, before anyone so viciously rips apart a human being like this, ok? Because what this man is being put through, is NOT okay.

And with how many people die or are  slowly dying, a horrible death, unnecessarily due to starvation and disease in Africa, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, makes this even worse, as far as our priorities in a society of what we consider newsworthy.

And the extent people go to, to hate on another human being like this, is NEVER the answer to fighting injustice….

Update: Dear PETA, calling for this man’s death, is beyond repugnant. While I can respect the work you do for animals who are being abused or suffer a fate, like Cecil did, caring about animals and people are NOT an either/or situation. Being a poacher with a sucky hobby, doesn’t warrant a punishment that results in a human’s death.

Enough with the male bashing, already!!!!

I’ve been wanting to write a blog about the misandry if not the androphobic sentiments that I see on a daily basis, on the internet.

What I try to do when it comes to size acceptance is to make it clear, that you don’t have to put down one body type, to help gain acceptance for another.

I don’t know why doing something to bring up reverse sexism , as it applies to men, people accuse me of not only of not being a feminist but actually  being misogynist.

Here’s the pic that’s gone viral, apparently it was a picture shared on Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Facebook page, awhile ago, but I’ve seen the same picture, in my newsfeed on Facebook, no less than a dozen times in the last 24 hours, which is finally getting me to write this blog. Because I’ve had enough of the misandry, if not androphobia that I see on a daily basis.

drlaura

Can you imagine the media shitstorm, if this was in reverse and said  “A man can’t change a woman, because he loves her, a woman changes herself for a man because she loves him”???

Or how about this lil gem that keeps going viral???

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Can you imagine the backlash against men, if they posted a version of a stereotype that led to violence toward a woman???

I understand that there’s still a glass ceiling when it comes to pay. I understand the horrific statistics of male perpetuated violence against women.

However men can be victimized violently by a woman. You can’t hold every male on the planet, responsible, for the horrible things that only SOME men do. We can’t keep talking about reducing violence, without acknowledging that we don’t have a safe society for a male, young and old, or even a female, who’s been victimized by another female to get support and/or taken seriously.

I was having a conversation with my son (he’s almost 23), about a month ago about dating. He’s finding that it’s REALLY confusing to date. And I can’t blame him, for having that confusion, that other men have told me about, as well. One young lady he was talking to, got mad at him because he didn’t say anything complimentary about her looks, enough. Well that’s because the last young lady he had been chatting with, he gave her compliment and she went ballistic in saying she wasn’t just a piece of ass.

I honestly couldn’t tell him what to do or even what to say. I said, some, if not most  women want the compliments about their appearance, with acknowledgement and/or compliments about their personality and or intelligence. But it varies drastically depending with women, even if he’s dealing with ONLY one female.That it’s possible one day she’ll get pissed if he doesn’t compliment her enough, the next day, she’ll be pissed if he compliments her at all.

Unfortunately, that’s not a misogynist comment that I made to him. It’s a fact. As much as we can see, in the digital era when people are blogging about bad dates with men who are jerks, most men who are considered nice guys,  can’t say anything about a bad date, that’s if they can get one,  because they will look like a sexist pig. Even if they don’t or wouldn’t  say anything negative about a woman due to appearance and/or weight, they are in a no win situation.

As bad of crap I’ve had to hear about myself, as far as looks and my weight from men, I’ve had 10 times more appearance hating on me, from a female. I see female bashing other females, ALL THE TIME on social media.

The stereotyping and reverse sexism, needs to stop. And we need to acknowledge that we are living in a society that continues to send mixed messages to everyone. And we finally need to have a dialogue about the misandry and androphobia, that’s out there.

Bringing this up doesn’t make any less of a feminist.

What it does make me, is a concerned human rights activist/advocate. Who believes in true gender equality.

Note: Again…. Any comments that are respectful, will be posted. Any comments that are triggering to any population of people, will not be posted.

….

Just a FRIENDLY reminder from a cognitively/neurologically impaired blogger…..

grammarecard

Yes, many people do behave in a manner as exhibited in above “someecard”. If I had a dollar for every judgment made against poor writers and/or communicators, that I read on a daily basis, I’d be able to afford an full time editor, chef, chauffeur, masseuse and be writing this from my multi million dollar mansion.

Here’s you’re/yore/your really badly written, but still kinda BRILLIANT, retort. But because it’s coming from me, it is kinda on the friendly, snarky and funny side, too.

Anyhoo, I was scrolling through my newsfeed tonight on Facebook when the below link showed up…….

http://mentalfloss.com/article/66275/comma-crusader-brings-good-grammar-traffic-court-and-wins

Now, it saw the the link, and my 1st thought was “should I even read this”??? And thought  ” Oh heavens no, I should not”.

Then, I did actually, unfortunately, read it. And thought “Oh NO, this is going to bring out even more improper English usage HATERS/HATING” !!!

I don’t know if it’s due to luck that I have Facebook friends who will hate on improper English usage, but, as it applies to me, knowing that I have disabilities that make it IMPOSSIBLE for me to write well, so they leave me alone, as well as understand because they are a kindly sort, of why it’s so important for me and for others, to tell my story, of how became this disabled in the first place.

 Whatever it is, it’s working for me. Except with my anonymous haters.

But I obviously couldn’t give two shits, what they think, hence, why I am STILL blogging.

Let’s get something straight. I didn’t always write so poorly. And as much of my life story, which sometimes absolutely scares the SHIT out of people, it’s helped people enormously, whether my activism on social media, the internet at large and THIS blog.

As crappy as my grammar can be. As hard as it is for me to think and express myself in logical sequence of order, as far as thought. Even though I know my punctuation just isn’t right. Even though I know what a homonym is, sometimes if I’m over cluttered in thought, I’ll misuse them. I’m still going to keep writing, anyways.

I have a lot of social media contacts who are writers. They write extremely well. I read a lot better and more effectively than I write. And I’m grateful for my ability to be still able to read, given my bizarre and complex disability sets. As well as having the ability to think in intelligent thought. And I still have at times, good critical thinking and analyzing skills.

Here’s where your “friendly” reminder comes in, when it comes to being overly critical of another’s writing and/or communicating  skill.

The reason why I am writing this, is because I see people making fun if not being absolutely hateful, of people who write poorly and assuming it’s due to being  uneducated, stupid  or  lazy, EVERY day, now, on social media. It’s to the point where not only are you becoming REALLY boring, having this as a cause, but you actually are  becoming and/or ARE a bully. It doesn’t matter how many causes you may do activism for, if you hate on people who for some reason can’t write or speak well, for reasons you need to trust me, that you should be grateful, that you DO NOT understand, this.

But, maybe,  one should try a little harder to understand, OK?

And while I can’t be hypersensitive to this kind of hate, just like I can’t with fat hate and stay anything resembling sane, as this happens ALL the time on social media.

And this bears repeating…. Because for someone who had a great future at one time and never saw my life turning out the way it did pan out, this little blog of mine, did become the “little horribly written blog that did some amazing things” for vulnerable people in need and more importantly, in CRISIS. As well as be a voice for people who have NONE.

IF, I had not started my blog when I did, there would be several people who would NOT be alive. Some of those that would have died without my blog,would be due to those I’ve stayed up all night and made sure they got professional help, when suicidal. Who told me straight out that I saved their lives.

Others who I walked through and emotionally held their hands, while they got help for serious gastric bypass complications that were nearly fatal, and they didn’t know where to start as far as getting help.

I’ve had loved ones who lost family and friends  due to suicide and/or were hoarders, as well as other serious mental illnesses, thank me for explaining my mindset, at my sickest an d them being able to FINALLY understand aspects of serious mental illness issues, that even a professional couldn’t explain to them (As always, I’m NOT a clinically trained professional, I will always urge people whether in crisis or not, to seek professional help) and they were able to make their peace, with what they thought was neglect, apathy or hatred of themselves by themselves or a loved one, was really a mental health issue that their loved has/ had NO control over. And that their parent, child, loved one actually did LOVE them, even though they were no longer alive or they don’t have the capacity to understand their mental illness and it’s negative long term effects on their loved ones and they were able to heal.

I’ve had other social media peers because of my blog, getting up the courage to launch their blogs.

I’m not saying the above to be self serving. I’m trying to make a point.

Point I am trying to make, is that I did not launch my blog  when I wanted to, in 2010, due to fear. There was multiple reasons why I was afraid. I come from an uber private family. I was afraid of getting judged harshly by strangers. I knew I would get even more judged by people who could hate on me anonymously. While most of my fear of being hated on, was for being a very unintentionally crappy mother, it was a justifiable fear.

And  I did also fear, coming off, uneducated. Which I am educated. And I used to be really smart and had amazing communication skills, both in writing and speaking, that I just don’t have anymore. And the reasons WHY I don’t have them anymore, is one of the reasons I blog. But as I said before. I blog for many reasons. Primarily so what happened to my family, doesn’t happen to another.  That my daughter has in my words, while I’m able to articulate them, of how much I love her and her brother. To help those who are crying and dying on the inside because of stigma. Or those who have had medical crises but won’t seek medical attention because they’ve been labeled as well as those who are in psychiatric crises. As well as I use my blog to talk about anything I think is blogworthy. I can’t be serious all the time. The activism I do, is of serious nature and it would not be healthy for me to have a single minded focus on ANY topic for any extended period of time.

I think what would have happened if I had NOT started my blog. And those who might have died. Or more people I could’ve helped, if I wouldn’t have been afraid.

I think about those who need support and/or those who’s life struggles and their thoughts and insights about their own struggles, could help other people, enormously, if they didn’t live in fear of being judged. So they stay silent. That makes me incredibly sad when anyone is shamed or stigmatized into silence. And it makes me try harder as an activist to eradicate stigma and make others feel comfortable in sharing their truths, so they can get help and heal.

But I ain’t a saint. If I could get back at the Perfect English Usage peeps (I call them “peus”, clever, ain’t it??)  as exhibited in the cartoon below, I would. In a heartbeat.

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Heh……

I also have pet peeves of my own, when it comes to abusing the English language.

People who write like this: “If u no ware I bee cumming frum, den  hit me up, K??? 4 reelz 😉 ” .  This is annoying as fuck.  I figure though anyone who’d write like this, would be the last person to read my blog, but I still wouldn’t want to “hert der feeleengs”.

People who speak in abbreviations/acronyms (note my wls/weight loss surgery peeps are notorious for this, they are usually the biggest grammar guards out there, but I still love you and you still  love me, right???) It takes 2 more seconds to say “roux-en-y gastric bypass” vs rny gastric bypass, ” duodenal switch” vs. ds, “vertical sleeve gastrectomy” vs. VSG. And of course, those who spell  WLS vs speaking or saying the words “WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY”, when actually speaking.  Even if your audience is just a population of bariatric surgical patients, they may not  know all the abbreviations. Or, I digress but to say that not everyone cares about weight loss surgery matters. Shocking, isn’t it?

And I cop to being amazed at certain things, in the realm of others’s stupidity,  as I’ll post a link of when someone created a Twitter account for “United Airlanes” vs. United Airlines.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ellievhall/united-airlines-airlanes-twitter-parody#.kgaDqLNOE

As it’s one thing to have a typo on a mobile device when mad. But not to recognize it, after I period of time, even I will find that hilarious. And I’m not above wondering how people like that can afford a plane ticket  and have the ability to travel, let alone make their way out of bed, each morning.

The thing is, I rarely make fun of people. And usually the only person I make fun of, is myself. Even rarer, is the fact I’m copping to this, publicly, because I usually keep the few really mean thoughts I have of others, usually to myself unless I’m provoked. I’m usually kinda the Robin Hood of defending the vulnerable with snarky wit from snobby haters. And while sometimes I will lose. But when I win, I win BIG.

And provoke me enough, as you can see, I can be quite the bitch.

So, hopefully this gives something to ponder, before one thinks they are better than another because someone else has barriers from being able to articulate themselves in proper English form.

If you wouldn’t judge another by looking different (which you shouldn’t) don’t judge another because of their difference in communicating. They/we may have very good reason for “breaking the rules”.

Your Welcome (ok, now I’m just fucking with you…You’re Welcome) ….  😉

Note: Same rules apply. You can respectfully disagree with me. Or risk wasting your time on a comment, if hateful, that won’t bother me, that won’t get published. Also, please don’t assume this blog is personal, if I have any kind of tie with anyone who reads this and bristles. Contact me for clarification before you end an association with me. But in addition to missing my wit, I be too fucking funny to unfriend on Facebook, right???

p.s.  I have to confess this, as well. I have amazing search engine skills. With the extent of the cognitive damage I have, I couldn’t even differentiate in my head the difference between abbreviations and acronyms, even though I can read and understand, I can’t utilize the difference in my own writing.

Just reiterating that everyone has a barrier that compromises their ability to express themselves, efficiently and effectively, as well as interpret accurately others intentions when speaking and writing.

Says the disabled blogger  who got a “B” in Critical Thinking and English in college and an “A” in Speech. 🙂

The CONSEQUENCES of NOT letting go of “The One That Got Away”…………..

Yoda

” Yes, the heart will want what it wants. And who it wants.  Even if it’s someone in the distant past. But not only will that continue to cause one pain, longing for someone they can’t have. However it’s NOTHING to the pain that YOU will cause, if you’ve decided to use another to distract yourself from the pain of not having the person that you truly want to be with, but in the meantime have secured someone who absolutely adores you, but doesn’t have a prayer of being anything but a pleasant distraction and/or diversion. No one can promise “forever”. But don’t go into a relationship by not forewarning another, if  one’s heart is NOT completely free, to love another,from the very start ” …. AJK/UnstapledLisa  7-14-2015


Katy Perry-“The One Who Got Away”

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-the-one-who-got-away-found-me-on-facebook-wcz/

I have insomnia and so I’m Facebook binging, in the wee hours of this morning, when above blog link shows up in my newsfeed. And at first I was reluctant to read it. While I don’t blog much about romantic relationships, given the fact I am in one, with someone who’s pretty private, doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions and/or it’s a topic that I don’t want to discuss. Especially when it comes to the topic of ” the one who got away” or exes who end up reuniting via Facebook, even though they had long committed themselves to another.

It’s also actually not a topic that I’m the most rational about. For multiple reasons.  A lot of them are justifiable. And I’ll do my best to explain, for those who don’t have a voice, of what it’s like to be with someone, when this is of an issue.

For the longest time, I blamed my inability to be in a serious relationship with a quality person, based upon my weight. I however found out, shockingly, that when I was thin, after my gastric bypass, that I had NO better luck with dating and being treated right in romantic relationships.

If you’ve read my past blogs, it doesn’t take someone with a doctorate in Psychology to know that I have self esteem issues. While I’ve dated a variety of men and sometimes in great quantity, most of them had something in common.

They got involved with me, as a distraction to get over someone else. Something that I was NEVER told about, in the beginning of a relationship and if I was lucky, for closure purposes, would find out, at the end. Or maybe years later.

I have had men, who I did truly care about, that I did seriously date, both fat and thin,  before the era of Facebook, come back and apologize, during  the era of Facebook, saying that they were sorry that they never told me that their heart had been given away by them, to someone else, that they couldn’t have, before me and that I didn’t have a prayer, when I was dating them.

I had more than one man, say that, as well as thank me, for unknowingly being able to find good things about them, tell them that, as well as show them that I cared,  that helped them heal (I, of course can’t take all the credit, they had to be ready to let go)  and were able to freely love the next woman who came along. That happened to me several times.

While I thanked those men, who had the courtesy to do that. It  just was  way too little and  WAY too late. But ultimately, I had to find my own closure, and I’ll explain that as I go along, in this blog.

Because the truth is, no one can give you closure, it’s something you have to give yourself.

And in my case,  for someone who’s nearly died multiple times in their lives, the only relationship failure that I refuse to let go of, is that as a mother of my children. Who will ALWAYS be the love of my life.  While I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship when I met my boyfriend, he was appropriately warned that love was hard for me, given my past  history with relationships, but mostly because of what happened with my children and I. I, however warn most people about this, so I don’t hurt them, as far as my medical and mental health issues being a barrier for me to be there for anyone, all the time.

Not just in romantic relationships.

That given the fact, I didn’t think I’d live to see the consequences of my suicide attempt OR my near death experiences with my gastric bypass complications (I also nearly died 2 1/2 years ago due to the IUD, Mirena. That’s a topic for another blog, though) , that life post suicide attempt and in 2010 with my gastric bypass reversal, made me keep people at arms length. That I NEVER wanted to ever hurt anyone, like I hurt my children, or the heartache I have, of loving them, but not having day to day with relationship with them, that I used to have.

He however was informed of that major tidbit about me,  by our 2nd date. When I originally wasn’t even looking for a serious relationship,for that reason, to begin with.

I’m not saying I’ve been an angel. But this is the problem when people are hurt by falling for people they don’t have a prayer with. Then add that some people don’t know they have mental health issues. Actually the majority of people will have some kind of mental health issue, at one time or another in their life.  And in my case, add in self esteem issues from lifelong bullying, that I have at times, both in romantic and platonic contexts (as well as obviously maternally and familial) have hurt innocent people.  And luckily due to social media, I was able to apologize, if they were in my past. As well as apologize, in person,  to those I love the most.

While all my circumstances as a whole aren’t relatable to the masses of people who have love issues, some of them, actually MOST of them, are.

So back to the above blog link. Which is excellent and not as triggering as I thought it would be, as it helps people see that sometimes the past needs to stay in the past and how one views it, can be skewed and how to heal from it.

As what to do when confronted by a  long lost love that finds you on social media or anywhere else? I can’t be the one to tell you that. I can only caution you, to act in a manner where, if your heart was on the line, you’d want to be treated with the same amount of consideration by everyone who’s involved or at stake.

In an ideal world, no one would get involved with another, without getting over past romantic heartaches, before getting into another relationship.

And for this reason, I hate the below song, even though I realize musically, what a treasure Crosby, Stills and Nash, are. While I don’t love the above Katy Perry song (as explained in this blog), it’s relatable to a lot of people. And the video, is visually stunning. Even if the video doesn’t match the lyrics of the song. Because I’m not talking about heartbreak, closure and no second chances, due to death.


“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you are with” Crosby, Stills and Nash-“Love The One You’re With”

“If you can’t be with the one you love, deal and heal, before involving an innocent heart that you will break, because you can’t love them  best, when your head and your heart,  still yearns for another”- AJK/UnstapledLisa 7-14-2015

But it isn’t a perfect world. And people are fallible. That’s why this blog is being written as a matter of discussion, not to shame another.  But to learn from mistakes, to perhaps maybe prevent them from happening again. So other innocent people don’t get hurt from circumstances like this. Over and over again.  Or to give them a venue to talk about heartache of this kind, as most people will blame themselves, when this happens. And it’s not their fault.

Because hurt people, hurt people. And I know that better than almost anyone.

If you are the one who can’t get over “the one that got away”, at least own it. You can’t heal from something or learn from something, especially when it comes to something serious, such as matters of love, if you can’t identify it. While most people will bring in some baggage into a romantic relationship, this is a ticking time bomb. It doesn’t go away if someone is incapable of not getting over a love that they can’t have. Because the truth is,  they won’t let themselves, heal. Not only does one keep breaking their own heart, over and over again, in situations like this, but they break hearts, if they refuse to get over it and/or see other people and cause unnecessary hurt and emotional harm, in someone innocent, should they date or get involved in a serious relationship, for distraction.

NO one should EVER have to feel shame and humiliation from innocently and honestly loving another person. Doing this to another, makes someone at best, a coward, who can’t face being alone in life. At worst, depending on intention, it makes one, an emotional terrorist.

So what to do, if you’re involved with one, and someone you still love , in the past or present, contacts you? Get professional help. Ideally before you act, in a manner that could break another’s heart. There’s good reason why I’m a blogger and not a professional therapist.  Sincerely apologize to those you’ve hurt by acting in this manner, if they find out that this is your issue. And respecting the other person who’ve you’ve hurt, that you don’t really love, by letting them dictate what they need from you, to heal (that’s obviously reasonable, as no one has a right to vengeful retaliation). And it won’t be in actual words that heal another, it will be in action (reasonable and rationale, hence where a clinical professional comes in handy) . Whether both choose to try and save the relationship they currently are in, end it and/or decide to give it another try with their long lost love.

What to do if you are the current partner and find out that a long lost love, is an issue and/or are involved with someone who’s admitted to still being love with someone they can’t have, but you still  love them???……….

You could wait it out. I, personally from experience (not my own, but witnessing friends’s experiences), wouldn’t advise that. And again, I advise getting professional help. Again, there is a reason why I’m a blogger and not a professional therapist. Because if you choose to wait it out, you could be waiting for the rest of your life. But if you are in a serious relationship and/or married to someone (and/or have children), and find out, about this being an issue, get professional help. A good professional therapist will be able to truthfully help a couple sort this out, or end it, with the best possible outcome, given how crappy these circumstances are.

I’m not wise about many things . But sometimes I do give relationship advice that’s very helpful to others.And like most people, it’s much easier to be wise when it comes to others’s life issues, than our own issues. The problem with loving someone who’s heart belongs to someone in their past, that this is one of the rare relationship issues, where the relationship WAS real, but the love between one another, was NOT true love. Because it was one sided.  But one can’t say where it would be anywhere helpful, “you can’t lose something you never had”. Because you weren’t told the ground rules, when starting this particular relationship. I’m not saying in the realm of relationship heartaches that this is the absolute hardest one to get over, but it’s right up there, because the person you fell in love with, you NEVER had a prayer of being their first choice.Even if they actually did care about you deeply.  I’ve had relationships with men that I cared about, not only to find out that I wasn’t their first choice, I didn’t even come in their top 10. (And this isn’t gender specific behavior. Women can do this, too)

That’s devastating. And as much as I’d like to tell you, initially AND ongoing, that’s on them, NOT on you, it’s still can break your heart. But to have any prayer of healing, you have to realize, you weren’t told something essential about that person you fell in love with, that you were owed, from the very start.

One can heal from going through this, though. I made up my mind a long time ago, as I got sicker, but while I still had my children, that I wouldn’t love someone who wasn’t free emotionally and circumstantially, to love me back. And that I wouldn’t dwell too long on romantic hurts (I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me, I do hurt for a bit, but move on). Then with having medical and mental health barriers, now, I know I can’t do romantically, a full time relationship, at this point in my life. That while my love has flaws, those who I love, do know that I love them to the best of my ability and that they aren’t second best.

And that if I’m in a serious relationship, after everything I’ve been through, what’s best for me, when people hurt me, intentionally, is to not let it effect the way I choose to live the rest of my life. For as many times, I’ve nearly died, life is too precious, to dwell on the heartache of people who don’t have my best interest at heart.  That I don’t want to invest energy and emotion in someone who would treat me in a way that I wouldn’t want my children to be treated, whether it’s my daughter when she’s old enough to be involved in romantic relationships. Or my son, who’s almost 23, and is finding out that casual dating, can be right up there with getting dental work done, as far as being really unpleasant.

We should have the same criteria for those who we love, for ourselves, like what we want for those who we love and care about, when it comes to how we deserve to be loved back.

You don’t have to nearly die, multiple times, to live life by this philosophy. And realize that no one is guaranteed an infinite amount of time on Earth. I’ve found also for relationship and self healing, the work by motivational speaker Trent Shelton, to be very helpful (www.trentshelton.com).

Below, is one of the wisest memes, that I’ve ever seen….. When it comes to heartbreak over any type of relationship that’s hurtful, if not harmful and heartbreaking.
ts4

I hope that people can find healing, when we acknowledge that this is a problem.And talk about it, more.  People get stuck on what and who they can’t have, instead of  what and who they have. No one can guarantee forever, in either life or love. And there is an exception to every rule/story, that’s why I know better than to speak in absolutes. Sometimes the “happily ever after”, is when one remains single, when one falls out of love with another, even if there is no 3rd party invovled. The most perfect song, ever to me, that defines that, came from the series finale of Sex and the City, in the last 5 minutes of it. I won’t use the video that I have saved (on YouTube of the episode/song), because it has nudity (but if you want the link, privately, let me know), I will post the song by gospel singer Candi Staton, as it’s about faith. Whether in a higher power or in one’s self. Or familial and platonic nurturing relationships.


Candi Staton-“You’ve Got The Love”

Sometimes the “happily ever after”, actually does comes from a long lost love, found on Facebook. Sometimes in situations, those who break someone’s heart, get the help they need and their relationships (and their psyches) heal, and not only are couples able to stay together, they thrive.

The problem is, with most stories on the internet, they talk about a past problem and the resolution, which sometimes is a “fantasy” happy ending. Or at least a rare one.  While it can be helpful for many, to know that their awful circumstances can have a happy ending for them, it’s NOT enough. People need support and to be able to talk about their romantic heartaches, while going through them.

Hopefully, this blog will lead to helpful or healing dialogue and/or discussion…..

Note: I’m not a clinically trained professional of any kind. If in medical or mental health crisis, please seek acute treatment in an acute facility and/or evaluation and treatment from a trained credentialed clinical professional. Also note, any comments that can be triggering, will NOT be approved.  Like always, I welcome respectful disagreements.

Celebrating Independence day, EVERYDAY…..

” I’d like to thank my lucky stars, to be living here today, cause the flag stands for freedom and they can’t take that away” Lee Greenwood “God Bless the USA”…..

Well in some cases, freedom CAN be taken away…. I will elaborate…

So while the 4th of July, means celebration for so many Americans of when we celebrate our freedoms, that and January 1st, 2010, as well as EVERY day, I celebrate of what it means to be free, but I also personal ruminate, of freedoms lost in the past.

One of the reason’s why I stopped blogging this year, is because when I reread some of my blogs, when I talk about the time I spent in the mental health system, there was inconsistencies. As I would say either 15 to 16 months.

Thanks to a website called http://www.converterunits.com, I plugged in the date of my suicide attempt which was 8-12-2008, and the date I moved out of the last group home I was in (I was in 2 group homes, post suicide attempt. Was in psych ward for 35 days, then from 9-15-2008 til early December 2008, was in a 90 day intensive behavior treatment program. Then I was in a group home for severely mentally ill people from 12-2008 to January 1st, 2010, when I moved out on my own after getting my back pay). I also plugged in how long I’ve not been raising my children now.

I spent almost 508 days in the system, exactly 1 year, 4 months and 20 days, to move out on my own, only to spend an enormous amount of time, in 2010, in the hospital or on campus of it due to my rapidly deteriorating with still having major gastric bypass complications.

5 years ago, in 2010, I spent 4th of July, by myself, as I was still quite sick (and trying not to die from those pesky g.i. bleeds) at home, quietly. My gastric bypass was reversed a little over 2 months later on 9-7-2010.

While I’m missing a lot of holidays as of late, with my boyfriend, in the last year, due to not feeling well (I have seen my children, recently and I’m happy to say it’s gone awesome. Especially with my youngest, who realizes I have complex disabilities and doesn’t take it personally). While I started this 4th of July, at his house, I am now home, as I wasn’t feeling well.

This 4th of July, in 2015, is the 7th one, not being with my kids. Well I was with my children on July 4th, 2008, and have very little memory of it. I remember because we could see fireworks from our deck, in the last apartment we lived together. As I how drove by then, was also, nothing short of frightening, I didn’t them to unnecessary places, as I was a public safety hazard, the last 2 years that I drove, due to my medical health issues.

While I always miss my children horribly, they are doing great. I am happy about that. I am happy that I’m not near death like I was 5 years ago, or in the system like I was for Independence Day 2009.

I am grateful to those who fought for our freedoms and to protect them, such as our military and police officers. I’m grateful to those who I love the most, by taking care of my children, while I had to fight for my own freedoms and then my life, 5 years ago. And I was quite sick, still, from gastric bypass complications AND my reversal, July 4th, 2011. And I’m grateful for my boyfriend and his family, who I spend most holidays with.

For as much as I complain about not feeling well, and I really am in severe chronic pain, most of the time, any crappy day on my own, is much better, than a great day, in the mental health system. Or nearly dying several times and being in a medical facility so much. It never gets old, even the most basic things, after losing basic freedoms of choice, such as what and when I can eat, what medications I can take, where I can go, I don’t have to account to ANYONE other than myself, on a daily basis, let alone, an hourly one.

I still believe after what happened to me, with my mental health issues in 2008, that while I paid dearly, I still think we live in the greatest country in the world.

Happy 239th Birthday, United States of America, and to all and kind of selfishly, to me, let freedom ring.

Wishing everyone a safe and fun, 4th of July weekend……….

Cheap or free resources: internet, books, magazines, movies, phones, music, dining out, food etc…..

Okay….I thought it would be worth writing a blog that will help those on a limited income or those who are looking to live best as possible, by writing about services that I use or that I know my friends use, that are free or low cost. This blog is wordier and more disjointed, then more of my recent blogs, I just felt that it was worth the read, for how much it could help others, whether they are low income or just want to save money. There is a lot of good tips, if you’ll patiently bear with me, with this blog.

For  my friends and or fellow internet peers, who love to read books and magazines electronically, I will give you a heads up about some apps, which either work on tablets, some may work also on computers. Some have a monthly fee such as Next Issue, but some of these apps for magazines and books are actually free, that I will discuss in this post.

I’m honestly not trying to be a spammer as it applies to my love for the app of Next Issue​. While I’d be less than honest, that if I refer you and after you 60 day FREE trial, you decide to keep it, that I get a referral bonus. I’m finding because I love magazines, that I’m probably going to keep the app, which I have the premium version which is $14.99 a month, for weekly magazines such as People, Us and Star magazine. If you just use the monthly magazine membership it is $9.99 a month.

There’s a ton of magazines of all genres, on Next Issue (if I’m not Facebook friends with you, feel free to message me at angelsbare@aol.com or send a Facebook friend request as I’m Lisa Kasen on Facebook) . If you would rather not go with me, you can do what I did, as I found it because of sponsored advertising on Facebook, which got me a 30 free trial day membership. Because 2 weeks into my 1st month free, I got as a Klout bonus (if you haven’t tried Klout​ , and you are a blogger or you have a lot of FB buds who you interact with, it’s worth checking Klout out, it’s an app that rewards those who have social media influence, whether you are a blogger or not) where I would get the one month free, and 2 months 1/2 priced.

Next Issue did NOT have to honor the fact that I got that Klout perk, in the middle of my free trial, but they did, anyways, once I contacted their Customer Service dept which was awesome.

I won’t take it personal, it’s just to your benefit, if you let me refer you to Next Issue, as it increases your free trial period from one month to two months. Regardless, if you want more info and then to decide if you want to try the app on your computer or tablet, check out the website http://www.nextissue.com for more information about the app as well as the catalog of magazines that are available.

I also found out about the app called Zinio for Libraries. That is FREE. It works with your library card. And you can use it on both a computer, tablet or phone. I only know how it works with computers and android devices. For Ipad/Apple peeps, you will have to do some research as I know nothing about Apple products and when I tried to find the Ipad version of Google Play store on my daughter’s Ipad, last  Saturday, I had a lot of trouble figuring it out .

What I like about Zinio for Libraries, is that it has Reader’s Digest available (I still may get a printed subscription to RD, because it’s right now on sale for $7) and it’s not available on Next Issue. However magazines like People and Coastal Living aren’t available through Zinio for Libraries. And because my space is at a premium, it’s nice to have reduce the amount of clutter, as well as I love that in a 7 inch tablet, I have an enormous amount of things to read, on the go.

If you love to read books and whether or not you have a Kindle or Kindle app, there’s also OverDrive for Libraries​. This works great for people who are on a limited budget and can’t afford to buy any or a lot of books electronically.

Also there is 3M Cloud Library​ which works similarily as OverDrive. I found many free online resources, also available through my county library and I have access both with my library card and my boyfriend’s, as he’s in a different county than I am. But there’s a lot of free digital resources with different libraries, across the United States. Some can be used for both entertainment and educational purposes so check with your own local library.

For music, I have access to Freegal. While there is a Freegal app for movies, both Hennepin County (where I live) and Dakota County (where bf lives ) here in Minnesota, doesn’t have access to that.

For music that I pay for, I LOVE my Google Play music account. For under $11 a month, I have access to a ton of music (as I can’t afford to pay for music per song). It also not just lets me watch You Tube with no ads, but allows me to download music videos to listen/watch offline, so I don’t use up, precious data when I’m not at home or don’t have a secure internet connection.

Note: Next Issue allows one account to be used on 5 devices, but you can’t personalize account preferences if you share the app) However Google Play, only allows it to be used on one device at a time. For me, I use it enough, both at home and when I’m out and about, exercising, that I’m kind of selfish with, and I don’t share that with anyone.

I also have Netflix, as I can’t personally afford cable and I share my account with my daughter and boyfriend and that allows it to be used on a maximum of 6 devices but only 2 people at a time can stream. Given the fact that boyfriend and my daughter have access to satellite, it’s not much of an issue for me, if not being able to access Netflix when I want to. I’m also lucky though, now that I have a tablet, that I can access both DirectTv (parents have service with them)and Dish Anywhere ( boyfriend has service with them) as well as I have a SmartTv, that I got as a gift, when I moved to the apartment I currently reside at, from my parents. I am also lucky enough to have a 42 inch regular tv, that’s currently at my boyfriend’s house (I have a “girl cave” there and bought the tv when I got my SSDI backpay in 2010 and because it took almost 3 years to get SSDI, I ended up getting quite a bit of money in backpay, so I’m putting out there, even though I’m digressing with this, and I’ve mentioned in past blogs, that if you are in need of SSI/SSDI and need support, please feel free to contact me, it’s a long arduous process and it didn’t help that I had no support even though I had a free resource to fight for SSDI, it made things that much worse for my children and I) and if you’ve read previous blogs of mine, for someone who had absolutely nothing 6 years ago and had to start all over again, I’m pretty grateful for what I have.

But if you have a library card, it’s worth checking into the multitude of applications that are free, that are associated with your local library and if you don’t have a library card, it may be worth getting.

For low income persons and/or families , there are resources for inexpensive internet. Because I live in the metro area of the Twin Cities, I got through Pcs for People (www.pcsforpeople.com) it also serves some of the Greater Minnesota area. For more information about free internet in the United States, try these internet sites: https:// everyoneon.org and http://www.internetforallnow.org/  . I pay $40 every 3 months for internet now, compared to paying that monthly, going through Pcs for People. They also have low cost computers. But my personal advice is, that if at all possible, for how limited warranties are through non profits that offer computers, tablets and netbooks, you are almost better off, if at all possible, of buying these devices, new. Sometimes though you can get through these devices, FREE, from a nonprofit, so do your research. Or you can ask me for help and I’ll try to assist as best as I can.

For free or low cost cellular service: http://www.freegovernmentcellphones.net/states .  I did let my free phone lapse, when I got my smart phone, 17 months ago. I haven’t decided of whether or not to reapply as it might be prudent, if I’d lose my phone, to have a 2nd phone for back up. I can justify having a low cost smartphone, as for $60 a month, I have unlimited minutes for talking and texting (which I don’t use very often, due to my disabilities) and 3 gb of hi speed data, which I utilize in helping me, enjoy working out more, using my Google Play music app.

I also have a Fitbit Zip (which I was able to afford when I got my $25 reward for 6 months of service from Target) . I was able to afford Fitbit Zip (there is also free fitness/health trackers applications such as MapMyWalk, Runkeeper, Sparkpeople, etc and they can usually be synced with fitness devices i.e Fibit, Garmin, etc),  when starting out with Brightspot and they offered a $25 Target gift card, for every 6 months of service. Unfortunately, Target is phasing out Brightspot, as well as the every 6 month $25 reward,  but they do have pay as you go affordable plans for smartphones from T-Mobile, Sprint and Verizon, as well as few other carriers. It’s worth doing some research on.

I picked though Brightspot vs. Walmart’s Straight Talk, because at the time I got my phone, Brightspot had a better deal for data. But as I’ve said, a lot is changing with Target, so do research to find what would work best for you, with your particular circumstances.

I happen to use Groupon, Restaurant.com, for when dining out on occasion. I know there are more resources out there for social events. For on rare occasion times, that I like to go out and try a new restaurant, I find “happy hours” to be a good deal vs. eating lunch or dinner, as well as I belong to most Facebook pages and/or e-clubs for my favorite places I like to eat out at. In addition to getting a lot of free stuff for birthdays, for example, because people don’t have the discretionary income they used to, you can save a lot of money, dining out by joining these e-clubs, some also have reward programs, too. Also because of my belonging to local Facebook business pages for hospitality services , I’ve won free nights at a nice casino hotel and free play tickets. I’ve had friends though win lots of things, such as clothing items, beauty products, etc.

Because I’m disabled and can’t drive again, I do have on my Minnesota Identification card, that identifies  I’m permanently  disabled,  that allows me lower cost public transportation. While I have in my disability waiver, to get public transportation for free (there’s been a glitch for that the last 2 months) I’ve been paying 75 cents vs $1.75 to $3.00.  So if you can’t drive again or if you can drive but can’t afford a car, and are of limited income and/or have permanent medical/mental health disabilities, it might worth checking with your local county office or a social service agency and/or non profit, on inexpensive or free ways to travel via public transportation.

Also it’s always worth checking if you belong to AAA, AARP, or you are current or formerly military, as well as if you are a student, for discounts on products and/or services.

Also for those who have permanent medical and/or mental health disabilities, it’s worth checking in for resources for socialization, either with a local non profit social service agency or local community drop in center. While I don’t use them currently, I did when  I was in the system, I was able to get free tickets to local sporting events, as well for those who are of extremely limited means, as well as those who don’t have a lot of friend and/or family support, they have social events, holiday parties, etc. They also usually have social workers to help with finding affordable housing and resources to help those with medical and mental health barriers, for  housing retention, food shelves, medical and dental care. Also in my case, my disability waiver allows me food delivery from either Mom’s Meals or Meals on Wheels. I try not to take advantage of services that I wouldn’t use, as I’m a picky eater, so I don’t use that, but that could help someone else in need who’s disabled but not a senior citizen. And  I do get help with grocery shopping both from my disability waiver and from my boyfriend, because my disabilities can sometimes keep me homebound, for extended periods of time, especially in the Winter months, although my medical health issues do effect my ability to get out all year round. Also my disabilities also make it hard for me to cook anything remotely elaborate, as well as my cute studio is small, and I’m limited in storage for food items. So sometimes it’s cheaper, convenient and easier for me, for how much time I spend alone, with disablilities that I have,  to go out to eat, to get variety in my diet, compared to those with families where it’s cheaper to get variety by cooking and/or eating at home (which I still eat at home, for most of my meals)

I know this was long and VERY disjointed. But it could help a lot of people. And I’m sure I’m missing a ton of resources. Feel free to add resources that you know about, in my comment section and/or feel free to privately message me.

I’m just writing what helps me,live a higher quality of life as for someone who is of limited income, while I live in affordable housing (it’s NOT Section 8, which I’ve had in the past and people need to lose their prejudices about it). In my case living in the State of MN, especially in the Twin Cities, where even where funding has been increased for Section 8, not enough property owners take it). But I don’t get anything for “free”, as far as food stamps, free health insurance, etc. My housing is not necessarily income based, but affordable (i.e. meaning there is income minimums as well as income limitations but someone could make a thousand dollars a month, more than I do, and still pay the same amount of rent)

For anyone in or not in  acute crisis but if you need more resources, you can also try http://www.unitedway.org or https: www. 211.org  ….  Please pass this on though. I realize it wasn’t the easiest of reads, but I’m sure it could help someone you know in need of something, that is low cost or free and life enriching, if low income.

Also note: I know this was a blog that wasn’t the easiest of reads. I felt compelled to write it now, and publish it now, hoping to edit and/or reformat, in the future. I just figured though it was worth writing and publishing now, as it has a lot of valuable information that could help people now. I also have in other blogs, links for those who are actually in acute medical/mental health crisis.

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