It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…


Important Disclaimers: I am not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor do I have any training in criminal behavior, law enforcement.

I cannot possibly STRESS enough in this particular mass shooting (And it’s important to keep the fact the motives were clearly DIFFERENT, only thing in common was the kind of weapon) that there is a reason why to try and prevent these from happening all over again, of having dialogue about each individual massacre based on those particular circumstances with sometimes (as I’ve written blogs way too many blogs of this nature before) of knowing MOTIVES matter, this just can’t be about the weapon used.

It also though bears repeating, if you or someone you know is in any kind of crisis, medically or mentally, and is capable of hurting themselves or others (or both) please contact 911, immediately for assistance.

It can’t also be said enough, if you see or hear something, which in this case, there may not have been as much of a social media trail like there was for #Buffalo Tops, for #Uvalde and for #BuffaloAllina there really wasn’t any, either, which I will elaborate more as I get into this of why I might bring up the mass shooting here in Minnesota (Buffalo Allina) where I reside, occurred 14 months before this tragedy, to try and figure out what we can do when it’s pain patients that are going into medical facilities with guns and in the case of Buffalo Allina the perpetrator right now is actually on trial.

***
I knew with a sickening pit in my stomach that when the news broke last evening that there had been another mass shooting, the location of the massacre made me instinctively knew there was a patient in an enormous amount of physical pain who did this, if not other issues like mental health etc.

Like within 2 seconds of reading the headline as the news broke.

When about 2 hours ago that was proved to be the case, that patient in pain did kill his surgeon and he only had to have surgery with the last 2 weeks or so, being discharged about a week ago, while I knew it was what I call when I do activism for other murders where I believe there is some truth in what I talk about the cycle of rejection (real or imagined) leading to rage, then leading to the final revenge of going to secure a weapon and then as that shooter did in Tulsa last night, with the surgeon targeted, being murdered before the shooter died by suicide.

Being in Minnesota, I have tried just only to the bare minimum follow the trial of the #BuffaloAllina Minnesota shooting and the prosecution has rested and the defense is about to start with the fact in the end the patient was just a patient in pain (there are things that disprove that, that I’ve written blogs that you can see in my Feb 2021 history that go into more detail) which they think is the major factor in getting the patient shooter/bomber (as he had explosives, too) a trial that will end with him being found not guilty, and I had read that story about 2 hours before the news broke yesterday about what happened in Tulsa.

While I’m sure there will be more details in the coming days, there are things I think that might have played a factor, that I’m willing to speculate, in all my absolute no professional training on a hunch that is hoping maybe, it might save a life by preventing the next mass shooting due to similar motive, again which is why I’m concentrating on motive versus weapon to commit massacre.

And obviously there are so many unknowns yet, such as not knowing how long the Tulsa shooter was in pain prior to his surgery, if he had multiple procedures prior to his surgery last week and medical health issues as well as legal history if there was any.

We all know these massacres need to stop and to do just justice again, I’m going to concentrate mostly on what happened in Tulsa yesterday only bringing up BuffaloAllinaMN when it can be helpful.

As well as while trying to make the best effort I possibly can and be as honest as I can that I’m realistic in what efforts and who they are marketed to, for some of these murderers, I don’t know how much if anything could’ve prevented yesterday’s tragedy given the information that’s out there and info we/I may never may be privy to.

Yesterday’s massacre was carried out though by a patient who wasn’t that far out from his surgery and it wasn’t realistic to expect that he would’ve NOT needed more time to heal, if pain meds were an issue though, enough time might have gone by for his surgeon of not wanting to give them to him, anymore.

As no one needs to remind anyone or maybe that needs to be done, that this nation is still also dealing with serious opiate epidemic that is killing more people than ever.

Which as a consequence less doctors are willing to treat for too long using opiates for post surgical pain and there are physicians who straight out right now, won’t prescribe a prescription for post-operative pain, PERIOD.

Just like there is many patients who have severe chronic pain, who’s pain meds that have been used for a long time where they got pulled (I know the fun of that, more personal info about in my case, also in other blogs within the last 9 months as that’s when it happened) aren’t killing their physicians or trying to from a revenge perspective kill other medical professionals or anyone for the matter.

But this is one of the points that I’m trying to bring to attention. Most chronic pain patients would NEVER thinking of harming another person, including a physician who went from prescribing meds to pulling them.

So why does this happen? How does someone get to the point, in a case of motive for patients in pain starting to kill people when things aren’t going the way they think they should?

I don’t believe the shooter showed any signs of being psychologically unstable, especially really unstable, from the start, as that would be a major warning sign that I have to assume that doctor offices and hospitals have discussed and the surgeon would’ve evaluated just from an outcome based upon procedure objective, let alone thinking that procedure could turn circumstances into homicide or suicide, as he would’ve been reluctant to have done surgery on him.

In my case doing both patient advocacy but also advocating for physician safety, I know both sides when it comes to chronic pain management, as well as the last 2 1/2 years have been more dangerous than ever for medical professionals but not all if it is due to the pandemic and there was violent acts before in acute care facilities even if there wasn’t a massacre attempted or committed.

There has to be a multi-faceted approach to how we deal with this.

While I personally feel that no civilian needs at any age access to a automatic or semi automatic weapon, as well as believe in common sense and red flag laws even if their would be legislation that restricted access to a weapon like an AR15, that wouldn’t necessarily be enough going forward to prevent another tragedy like this happening again, specifically this particular massacre, again I addressed about Uvalde, Buffalo NY and Buffalo MN, as well as other massacres in other blogs.

It wouldn’t be enough for multiple reasons, just having legislation alone.

It’s going to take again, everyone coming together trying to be open on what kind of multi-faceted approaches are needed for prevention and intervention, whether it’s families and loved ones who are the survivors giving their input, patient/physician activists like me, the medical and mental health professionals and law enforcement and government trying to come together.

There is NO other way and while we already tragically ran out of time for so many victims already, we can still try and prevent the next massacre from occuring and trying to find solutions that help save actual lives, is also going to be, going forward a multi generational LIFE long process.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Tulsa Oklahoma victims, families and friends, as well as the entire Tulsa community and the entire medical community, as well.

Important Notes: Anything hateful will not be posted and any kind of death threats made to me will be reported to appropriate law enforcement officers.

Also Important Notes: In my case while I’m trying to at least create dialogue that will create change, I’m also feeling like so many, so powerless.

I’ve had to wait until tomorrow for example to donate to a GoFundMe for a Uvalde family, when I get paid. I will also look for a GoFundMe for a Tulsa and Buffalo family, as well.

I’m not saying that everyone has to do that, in case they don’t have the funds, but it couldn’t hurt to keep the conversation on the victims and families and everyone who has the capacity to help in some small way, to do so.

I mean that lovingly, not preachy.

Important Update: There was still a lot of unknown information at the time of this blog’s publication 3 hours ago.

I was able to see updates on the tragedy and while all the lives that were lost yesterday is horrific, because there is a physician safety objective to this blog, I thought it was important to note that 2 physicians were killed yesterday, one office employee and one good samaritan.

https://youtu.be/JRf2ub2E7_o







I neither advocate or denounce the NRA and it’s members



Important Disclaimers: I am not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional and as always if you or someone you know is in danger of hurting yourself or others, please contact 911.


I have a tendency to piss off people on both sides of the political spectrum.

I’m pro-choice, pro death penalty and while I’m all for common sense gun law reform, I still defend people’s right to legally, responsibly and safely own and use guns.

This is what I’m perplexed about though and I didn’t have the words when the mass shooting happened in Buffalo a few weeks ago like I did with Uvalde, yesterday.

I’m more of a centralist than a Democrat or Republican being affiliated with both parties at some time in my life, a Republican before I had children in 1992 and a Democrat up until a few years ago.

There are people I know and love and trust who are card carrying members of the NRA and I trust them with my life and anyone I love, their lives as well.

So I’m already fully aware that there are a lot of good upstanding legal abiding citizens who support the NRA.

In the news with how devastating people are from the mass shooting at Robb Elementary there’s all these pointing of fingers so to speak and multiple, diverse and polarized opinions on what needs to happen.

While we may never know what the shooters motive was at Uvalde, if I was a betting person, I’d bet the evil cowardly white supremacist Tops shooter killing all those innocent people shopping would be a card carrying member of the NRA than than the evil cowardly 18 year old who killed all those children yesterday.

As I’ve said before and it’s not because I’m a gun owner myself, at the age of 52 1/2 , I’ve never even touched a gun.

I don’t understand though why the NRA is against backround checks and common sense gun laws.

I’m the first to admit backround checks probably will only reduce gun violence by very little as if a convicted felon or someone who wants to own a gun and has an extensive mental health history can’t get one legally, anyone who wants to kill someone badly with a gun, if they can’t buy one legally they aren’t beyond getting them illegally either on the streets or stealing them.

Or killing or attempting to kill many people by weaponizing a vehicle, poisons and bombs to name a few.

Protecting people and the 2nd amendment is NOT an either/or situation, you can believe and do both.

It would be so easy for the NRA just to condemn guns being used to kill innocent people in all these massacres, which happen everywhere now schools, stores, hospitals and places of worship to name of few.

That the NRA can say this weekend at one of their seminars at their 2022 convention in Houston that all their card carrying members regardless of race or religion, matter. They can say they do not condone but actually condemn hate groups and the hateful actions of them, especially when guns are used to kill people of color or such as killing people based upon religion.

But the NRA should be calling out any hate crime against any population of people, whether it be race, religion, political affiliation, sexual/gender preference/identification when any crime is committed with a gun for illegal reasons. Period.

The are other crimes obviously such as mass shootings at schools and domestic violence which result in gun violence of murder/suicides that any comments the NRA could make wouldn’t be as effective as it would be in preventing hate crimes such as the massacre in Buffalo a few weeks ago.

It’s not just hateful bigotry it’s evil cowardice hateful bigotry though that’s usually behind store, workplace and places of worship mass shootings.

How badass is someone if they are a white supremacist to kill black people in a grocery store or church. Or Jewish people in a synagogue. Or Muslim people in a Mosque. Or in a hospital or gay nightclub.

It’s not badass at all. It’s evil cowardice at it’s worst and again the NRA could easily by denouncing hate crimes reduce them because as this wise activist has repeatedly said, constant rejection can lead to rage and the need for revenge.

As well as realize it could very well create a vicious cycle as for some, there is so many times one can be hated on for their race and their religion and then they themselves put all innocent people even their own NRA members at unnecessary risk.

Do the right thing NRA, like this weekend. Denounce the mass shootings and shootings that result in massacres rooted in hate, political extremism on both sides, racism, anti-semitism and xenophobia, actually form of massacres and murders due to hate, rage or bigotry. at least and I don’t think I need to say that at least thoughts and prayers for Uvalde need to be brought up, I’d be really surprised if it wasn’t.

Like seriously, NRA. What are you waiting for? What could possibly problematic in taking an anti-hate and anti-mass shooting stance?

You and your members are way more capable of just existing to protect the 2nd amendment which isn’t going anywhere!!!

And see this blog, as wordy as it was, shows, we can use words without even weaponizing them, let alone using an actual weapon to express a difference in opinion or a criticism without the intent to hate or hurt anyone, in my case I’m trying to help save people’s lives, which could include your NRA members and their loved ones, given the rate that deadly violent crime is going up.

And I’m the first one to say, guns aren’t only to blame and people need to stop doing that.

Important Notes: I will report all death threats to the authorities it’s not the first time blogs of this nature that have caused me to receive them.

I also don’t believe while motives vary, that a mass shooting at a school that those kind of shooters would be less convinced to commit an atrocity or be an NRA member compared to workplace shootings for example and if I’m wrong, please feel free to correct me.

I also make absolutely NO apologies for defending the NRA’s right to exist, as well as the 2nd amendment but at the same time the NRA can also do their part when promoting guns of also promoting gun safety and it being despicable for a a gun to be used on another human being or even animal due to hate and rage.

Also note, I’m a violent crime prevention activist, usually when I’ve said anything resembling defending the NRA, I get hate comments from people who belong to PETA for example. It’s not a conflict of interest to defend responsible legal hunting, just like it’s not a conflict and it would make me a worse activist if I wasn’t horrified when for example Steve Scalise was shot, among others a few years ago, which I was horrified.

However defending legal hunting with a gun isn’t promoting animal cruelty which I also abhor, just like most responsible gun owners are also loving responsible pet owners.

People like that don’t realize they are part of the problem, you can’t just care about the life and safety of people or pets that you only like and share the same philosophies with and screw everyone and everything else.

Toxic belief systems like that is one of the reasons why we are in this hate, harm and killing cycle to begin with.

“We don’t have to agree on anything to be kind to one another”

https://www.npr.org/2022/05/24/1101050970/2022-school-shootings-so-far

Important Disclaimers: I am not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor do I have any training in law enforcement, criminal justice or am I an expert on criminal behavior, let alone violent crime.

If YOU or someone you know is thinking of hurting themselves or others, please contact 911, immediately.

And while I’ve tried as of late to not use profanity in my blogs even though bizarrely they get read more, I’m too mad and am too devastated at the mass shooting today in Uvalde and the mass shootings/murders that are almost happening on a daily basis in the United States especially, but also everywhere.

***

I guess we will never know in the case of the mass shooting at Robb Elementary where an 18 year old high school student in Uvalde Texas shot and killed over 20 people today, most of them children.

I probably should feel slightly remorseful he was only 18 and was killed but he was an 18 year old evil coward who killed innocent people for reasons we will probably never know why.

As someone who writes about violent crime prevention/awareness I can’t keep track on all the violence happening on a daily basis, whether it be mass shootings, murder/suicides, rapes and other violent crime.

Problem is NO one could fucking keep up with that, in just the United States, alone.

While it’s hard to speculate why someone would commit such an evil cowardly act, it’s such an evil cowardly act committed by a young dead mass murderer that it’s hard not to speculate.

I wish with everything that I am, that I could believe honestly that gun reform would prevent a lot of these travesties.

What makes me hesitant in believing that though is that if anyone could use a gun to commit a crime, especially if they desire to commit mass murder, if they can’t access a firearm, I don’t believe that would stop them using something else to try and kill as many people as possible.

Even though I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be backround checks, just realize the limitations they possess on people hellbent, literally on killing someone or a lot of people.

I think gun reform laws give people a false sense of security, kind of not unlike what the intention of trying to get a handle on the opiate crisis by making opiates less accessible to patients who need it, still didn’t prevent all of those opioid overdoses with street drugs.

There has to be more initiatives in place that deal with murderous outrage outreach, evaluation, treatment and prevention, as well as more discussion of the rage people are experiencing that leads to this kind of behavior because as I’ve said before in previous blogs, if someone doesn’t use a gun, they’ve used cars, planes and poisons to name a few to try and kill as many people as possible.

I’m not looking right now to start another fucking verbal war regarding abortion nor will I engage in one (I have never had one but believe in a woman’s right to choose) but as Charles Ramsey eloquently states in above linked video, where it’s not verbatim, you can’t just worry about the the unborn, right now instead of all the attention on trying to overturn Roe Vs. Wade and making super stringent abortion laws perhaps we can concentrate on the children and the people who are already here, alive and well.

Anyways my heart is with the family and friends and of course the actual victims in Uvalde, tonight.

Important Note: Again no hateful responses and threats will be reported, you’re proving my point that all this hate isn’t getting anywhere and while a hater who just harms on the internet but doesn’t violently hurt someone, is a slightly better person, it’s not helping anyone being hateful, it’s just making what’s already horrific circumstances worse that people can’t come together to try and help save lives, if not make other people’s lives better.

I don’t have a lot of things to be proud of but the fact that I believe everyone has the right to a safe and peaceful life and live my life in accordance to that core belief, I’m doing my part to make this world a better place and anyone can by subscribing to the same philosophy, it’s super easy.

You don’t have to love everyone but you don’t have to hate anyone, either, life would be lot better and people would be a lot safer if they could live their lives with those beliefs. You’re Welcome.

fitbit stats for me from 5-16-2022 to 5-22-2022

ranking as a result of fitbit stats as stated in above picture/napkin is covering fitbit buds identity who placed 2nd and 3rd and yes I’m fully aware my photo taking and editing skills suck.















Important Disclaimers: This blog is never to replace in person medical or mental health oversight from a clinical professional or to replace the need for EMS/911 to be contacted in an emergency.

If you or someone you know is in medical or mental health crisis please seek professional assistance, immediately.

However, I do thoughtfully talk about circumstances such as people having the right to not want to use extraordinary measures to extend one’s life, which when I’ve discussed having an Advance Health Directives, having a DNR/DNI, a body bequeathment to a local hospital so that medical students can benefit from learning on a cadaver after I die, is discussed in more detail in other blogs.

Stating that is necessary as someone like myself who does advocacy for suicide prevention/awareness that people don’t misconstrue that one can not be suicidal or at risk for harm in any way to themselves or any other, but still not want to have extraordinary life saving or life extending measures when in medical crisis, themselves

If one is in psychiatric crisis that is NOT a decision that one can make for themselves or if they have in the past, it will NOT be honored.

***

Clearly as exhibited from pics posted above of my Fitbit stats, I was quite active for me last week.

Weeks like that though are few and far between because of chronic severe exhaustion and pain levels.

One thing though happened to me last Saturday night, that not only might have effected my being able to walk on Sunday, let alone do anything ever again, as I was crossing the street 2 blocks away from where I live, I had the right away and all of a sudden out of nowhere, actually it wasn’t out of nowhere, it was some man driving way faster than posted speed limit came literally nearly 6 inches stopping from hitting me.

And the only the reason why he didn’t hit me is that moron had a brand new car with some pretty nifty brakes, any older of a car for how fast and how inattentive that driver was driving, would’ve killed me or any pedestrian in the same position.

I screamed as he nearly hit me, than when turned around illegally sped off without remorse, I was kind of shocked at the thoughts I had.

I do have an Advance Health Directive with a DNR/DNI, while I decided I wanted one about 5 years ago, I didn’t file it until almost 4 years ago and that body bequeathment to a local hospital, one I spent a ton of time at, as it was the hospital I had my gastric bypass over 20 years ago and my reversal of it almost 12 years ago (more about this, in a bit to make title and point of blog, relevant).

I have DNR info on my phone so chances are, had I became roadkill, my phone on where it was on me, would’ve been destroyed on the process, running the risk that my wishes on my AHD wouldn’t be accessible to be honored.

And becoming roadkill would’ve also negated the use and plans that having a body bequeathment was supposed to do for myself and loved ones after I die personally(i.e. hospital responsible for cremation and interring remains) , as well as the benefit a medical student would get.

Now, I know rationally how lucky I was Saturday night. As well as all the near death experiences I’ve had in the last 31 years and there’s been quite a few of them, some of them medical and some of the circumstantial i.e nearly drowning in Lake Superior in 1991, walking away from car accidents from teens to my 30’s. Then medically my pregnancies, gastric bypass complications, medication complications and Mirena issues.

In the COVID era, luck actually has been brought up more, with also terms like “miracle” (which I’ll discuss more my opinion on that word, soonish) both before and after vaccines and I’m not looking to debate the COVID vaccines and boosters on here.

It’s also always been brought up to a certain extent but not as much as it should be.

Doing the work I do in bariatrics, being more known for my complications than being just a bariatric surgical patient, the word and experience of luck, comes up quite less than it should and the word and experience miracle, is uses slightly more.

Should any of my bariatric peers read this and I’m hoping they will get the point as this isn’t just about bariatric surgical outcomes, when a long term ideal outcome happens, it can be contributed to hard work, a great surgeon and great support.

It’s not a miracle though, ideal long term optimal outcomes and as much as great surgeons and hard working compliant patients have something to do with that outcome, it’s not the only reason for the ideal outcome, a lot of it is due to luck.

Because though my medical activism isn’t clearly only focused on bariatrics, we (just because you get a takedown doesn’t mean you are no longer a bariatric patient) are kind of an unusual group of patients.

Other group of patients such as transplant patients, cardiac and pulmonary and ortho patients are more prone to attributing a long term ideal outcome to luck, miracles and medicine than their bariatric peers.

I’m not saying either due to disability that thinking something is a miracle and gratitude doesn’t help both medically and mentally.

I’m saying it’s though somewhat shortsighted.

Babies and young people get cancer, that’s if a healthy pregnant woman carries to term and doesn’t miscarry or die giving birth.

I do activism also for various cancers, I think of last year of my friend dying at the age of 8 due to DIPG a year ago and local Minnesota patients like Zach Sobiech who died 9 years ago due to Osteosarcoma and patients like Gabriele Grunwald who died at a young age from a rare cancer and her sister a few years later being killed while running.

All those patients and many more all I’m saying deserved luck and miracles, too.

We all regardless of medical and mental health deserve the best health we can be in.

So again, I’m not discounting gratitude and good attitudes for acceptance and healing and being in one’s best health they are capable of .

I am saying though don’t discount the need for luck in our life and in our health journies.

And realizing and absence of luck, isn’t an indication of whether or not one was worthy of it and ideal long optimal outcome in their medical and mental health.

The most inspirational book that has effected my desire to be one of the best medical, mental health and cognitive activists I can be, is “When Breath Becomes Air”” by Dr. Paul Kalanithi.

And while he doesn’t talk about the need for luck in his own medical health journey, his story being both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time can only change one for the better, while there’s a lot of books I’ll recommend people to read, this book is at the top of the list.

And even though he and others, including you dear reader might disagree, I’m never going to change my mind on luck being a factor in being in one’s best chance for good medical and mental health.

I am though going to concentrate on working on appreciating how lucky I’ve been healthwise, as I haven’t taken for granted of all the luck I’ve had in other parts of my life, such as those who I have in my life that I love.

Important Note: Nothing mean or not constructive will be posted, so keep your hate to yourself or maybe work on not being a hater in the first place. Thanks!!!

me either 16 or 17 years ago around 2005

I don’t do whatever it takes, in everything in my life.

I haven’t been able to for sometime, now while I considered myself due to how bad my complications were from my gastric bypass to have some form of disability for 18 years now, a 1/3rd of my entire life (and no, not all of my disabilities are bariatric surgically related) I didn’t hear the song linked above til this morning for the first time, ever.

It would’ve been an anthem for sure to my life then, someone who loved and lived fitness.

It’s not like I don’t do anything, I try to help people when I can, such as I was do my activism exhibited in this blog, for 8 years now.

For the longest time and I’m still quite clear the reason I started this blog was to make sure what I went through and put the people I love through when I first became disabled wasn’t in vain, that the biggest loss to me was the ability to be the best parent for my children.

That’s a grief that never goes away even though I know how lucky I am, that both my kids now adults, at 19 and 29 1/2 are doing great.

The only part that I have in the last several years the little I bring up my old love for fitness and that I was quite good at it and going to school 17 years ago to be personal trainer is missing the ability to stabilize my moods better due to the endorphin highs that intense exercise used to produce but haven’t been able to achieve for 15 years now, even though 6 years ago, I used to walk 5-10 miles 4-6 x a week, I was able to bring back endurance.

But not strength, not power, not agility and while I would rather know of it and lose it than not know from it at all, it feels like a sick joke sometimes of how much my life is spent in so much pain physically and emotionally.

I decided as while last week I was on Facebook a lot, for me as I’m usually only on it once a week for less than an hour, to go on it today versus waiting til tomorrow.

I saw someone I used to be close to and know quite well, who also had bariatric surgery not long after I did and while works hard, plays hard, too, who happened to post pictures on Facebook (we have mutual friends, we aren’t friends on there) of climbing yet another fucking mountain on vacation and I had just about lost it.

That circle of people never forgave me for becoming disabled after my gastric bypass.

I would never wish the pain and the fighting for my life that I had to do for so long with my complications on anyone.

I’d rather lose by their choice of choosing to end an association with me then for them to ever have to go through what I have, which they haven’t, to have any kind of empathy.

I still will never understand how people don’t have the ability to forgive another’s transgressions, especially one’s that occured while a person (i.e. me) was in both medical and mental health crisis.

I will never understand how people take things still for granted when they remove the reminder (i.e. person, me) that not everyone is as lucky as they have been with their health and while I will never discount hard work, it’s what got me to look I did in above picture the last 3 out of the 6 years I was thin, status post gastric bypass, that luck does sometimes play a part in life circumstances staying the same, when others life circumstances drastic change for the worse.

I’m taking the time today to mourn what I think a lot of people, but most of all myself, would feel being superficial, as far as what I obtained in strength, power, agility and endurance when at the top of my fitness journey so long ago, knowing it doesn’t mean it was the worst thing to happen to me and that as I’ve said before I’ve learned the hardest way that there are worst things than being fat, even after having bariatric surgery and everything I went thru good (i.e. fitness and most of all loving motherhood and working) and bad to horrible.

But I’m allowed to have a day or 2 to be at least sad of the mountains, I didn’t ever get to fucking climb, the trips I wasn’t able to take, the cars I can no longer drive and again, the professional aspirations I wasn’t able to achieve and sustain and the children who I wasn’t able to raise for 12 years of all those abilities lost or seriously compromised for so long now.

And the people who left me though when I needed them the most.

I need to do whatever it takes though to break these miserable chains.

*post still being published while 5-1-2022 here in the United States*

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321343

I didn’t realize as I’ve been really sick lately when I posted my last blog earlier, that I had temporarily forgot that today was “Happy 420” day.

And for those where it is a happy day and cannabis and thc work for you, especially in cases where other meds and substances may NOT, more power to you.

I still stand by the fact though no one should ever lace to an unsuspecting person any food or item with drugs, including any form of cannabis.

I found out the hard way with cannabis and thc, only trying a hit or 2 in my 30’s and 40’s that I didn’t like the smell and it didn’t do anything. Other than I didn’t like the taste or smell.

Unfortunately, when about 8 months ago, my prescribing for all meds, primary care physician pulled my pain meds, she suggested CBD gummies.

So when I researched a reputable CBD oil and gummy place that sold Delta 8, as I did have a high tolerance to opiates but with no dependence I decided to buy a 2 packs earlier this year in January 2022.

Tried one, felt stoned but no pain relief, tried a 2nd one, 2 hours later and started projectile vomiting lying in my living room not being able to move my head laying in my own vomit and urine for 15 hours thinking I was going to die and my parents and my children would have to hear how my body was found.

I get that’s a pretty graphic description and I get that as rare as side effects are from CBD gummies, it could be worse from cannabis, as some people go into anaphylactic shock (fun fact, that has already happened to me, luckily being in the hospital in labor with my youngest child, not so luckily as she was already in fetal distress).

I get that severe reactions to cannabis are rare but that doesn’t make them less devastating to those of us who’ve experienced them.

Just like I don’t tell people NOT to have gastric bypasses, not to take Topamax, have Mirena put in, become pregnant or deliver babies or try a host of other medications and procedures that were harmful, if not nearly fatal in myself, I do suggest people be cautious.

So again, if today being some kind of made up holiday that celebrates all the good things that cannabis can do for others, I’m happy for you.

I still will suggest using caution on how you use cannabis and where you get it from and that you NEVER EVER give it in anyway to an unsuspecting person.

And for those of you who have a severe allergic reaction to cannabis, know you aren’t alone.

Peace ❤

Important Note: I’m open to lively dialogue, but spare the hate, okay? I’m trying to get across what it’s like to be that one in a BILLION patient who gets rare complications and if you partake in cannabis especially, it should make one pretty chill, not a cold hearted hater, K? Thanks

*post published while it still was 4/20/22 in the United States*



https://people.com/crime/florida-bride-and-caterer-arrested-after-wedding-guests-allegedly-get-sick-from-marijuana-laced-food/


There should’ve been more criminal charges in this instance…

I go in greater detail in my last blog of WHY.

I don’t know what it’s going to take for people who think it’s okay to serve food laced with any kind of drugs to an unsuspecting person, but perhaps if charging them with a minimum of a felony is a good place to start!!!

https://nypost.com/2022/03/25/i-laced-my-sisters-wedding-cake-with-marijuana-and-guests-got-high-as-kites/amp/

Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medically or mentally trained professional nor do I have a training in law enforcement or public safety, if you or anyone you know is in crisis, please contact emergency medical services, immediately!!!

Where an article or topic of this nature could end up becoming a crisis of sorts or cause major problems, I will make clear, soon enough.

As well as why I think actions of this nature, should be considered not just stupid but feloniously and criminally stupid.

It may sound like all fun and games and to honor a loved one by making a food item for any kind of event and lace it with marijuana, it’s no big deal, right?

It is a BIG deal though.

People think I overreact when people are surprised with food of any kind, whether it be surprising a vegan friend with a meat item or vice versa or a secret food item that could go against health or religious beliefs (i.e. peanut allergies, serving an item not disclosing it has pork and/or alcohol for example to Muslims and pork for example is also goes against people who are Jewish and follow Jewish dietary law i.e. keeping Kosher among other things, not mixing allowed meat and milk) .

So this is very dangerous though to do to someone, in multiple ways.

Let’s say okay, there ended up being no problems to any of the adults served any of the food items laced with marijuana in above article.

Unless someone has grown marijuana themselves, ya never know what it could be laced with.

Like Fentanyl or PCP or other dangerous street drugs.

You also never know if someone is allergic to cannabis (I have a lot to say in this blog, so I will I have to save my overdose story on 2 CBD gummies in January as an opioid tolerant patient who found out the hard way a severe cannabis/thc intolerance when prescription meds were pulled, had no other drugs in my system under the recommendation I try the gummies for pain by my PCP).

You also never know what drugs are already in someone’s system and in the case featured above, if someone was taking a prescription drug, drinking alcohol and then ingested unknowingly a food item with marijuana they could get super sick from multiple drug toxicity, they could be super impaired and not realize it and drive home and at best get a DUI, at worst they could cause fatalities hitting a car or a pedestrian.

Or it could be served to someone in recovery for chemical dependency issues.

It could cost someone their job if they get drug tested and they don’t know a drug is in a food item, they would never suspect.

And while the food was never served to children, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t get access to it somehow and get very sick, if not overdose.



It’s just never okay or funny to serve items with surprise ingredients as a surprise or a joke.

And it can be devastating emotionally, as it is a violation of trust to a lot of people, including myself. And it can be devastating physically, if not possibly fatal to people, causing potential fatal allergies, accidents or overdoses.

This is one trend we do NOT need and it needs to be called out, IMMEDIATELY, as well as people should never be doing this and there should be legal consequences for people who DO engage in behaviors of lacing food to any unsuspecting person, regardless of the substance, but especially, especially, ESPECIALLY if food is laced with drugs.

I’ll end this blog now, I really didn’t want to be in activist mode tonight but I couldn’t read this story and not respond given how unnecessarily dangerous and thoughtless the subject matter is and not respond.

And while I’ve never been served drugs as a surprise, I’ve been served other substances as a surprise or meant to be a joke and while I’m not a violent person, it still made me want to punch that person when this happened a long time in their stupid face or at least be able to have them charged with assault.

Note: While I’m open to respectful debate about this topic but I won’t change how strongly I feel about how dangerous and stupid it is. Maybe in cases past people didn’t know better, but you know better now, so do better.

I’m also NOT talking about patients with a legal prescription for THEMSELVES and only use them for themselves like with edibles, for example.

*Note: This blog is not intended to promote or deter people from purchasing above item or items similar, but why this is being asked of people and the points I’m trying to make will soon be clear on this blog*





Important Note: I am not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, I will always advise if you or someone you love is in crisis to contact emergency services i.e. 911 here in the United States (and again, over half my readers aren’t even in North America, let alone the U.S.

But I still keep pushing for people to learn emergency first aid on infant, children and adults and learning for example how technique for like the Heimlich can be different in larger people and in pregnant women where technique is modified slightly.

I think items like Life Vacs and De-chokers are great inventions.

It just happens to be today was another day where people where promoting being in possession of one (Life Vacs) and it giving them so much peace of mind and when asked about knowing first aid, they said didn’t have to.

I don’t get the rationale behind that and it’s terrifying to myself as a medical activist but non medical clinician, just like it probably is to physicians who aren’t paid by these companies to endorse them.

So please, with no shame I’m asking what is the hesitation in people learning emergency first aid in infant, children and adults, even if they never plan to utilize in the era of COVID or prior of doing mouth to mouth or CPR on anyone but loved ones???

This is all I’m going to say for now. You have a child where you walk in a room and it’s apparent they have an obstructed airway, they are choking on something.

But you don’t know for how long they have been choking and even if you have a device in hand that removes the item immediately and again it needs to be noted that unless instructed in various reputable emergency first aid (as well as device instructions which read before emergency but only use device in emergency as most of them are single use), you always should activate/call EMS then let’s say utilize the device if that’s all one has and they are able to successfully clear airway.

The problem is not knowing how long the airway has been obstructed could mean that even once airway has been cleared, the patient doesn’t always resume breathing.

And again, it bears repeating, even if you know how long airway has been obstructed, EMS should’ve been called first and patient should always be checked out afterwards even if they are breathing normally.

Whether you own one of these devices, still why not learn Heimlich and CPR, anyways? Even if you live next door to a Level 1 Trauma Center. As well as it couldn’t hurt to learn what to do when a patient of any age might have an issue with poisoning, overdosing on a drug , which happened a day or 2 ago here in the States when a 7 year old gave younger children sleeping pills when kids were left unattended and they overdosed but will be okay but other kids have overdosed, sometimes fatally on narcotics of their parents or drugs that belonged to other people who were in their homes whether legally or illegal and having Naloxone and knowing how to use it, can also help save a life.

What about burns, water safety/drowning prevention and seizures among other potential fatal medical events in patients of all ages?

As I said the 10 plus hour investment on learning emergency first aid on You Tube is never wasted, just like if people can afford time wise and financially anti-choking devices AND to get certified in emergency first aid.

No one ever wants to go through something like a potential fatal medical emergency with a loved one, but not wanting that to happen and even if statistically the chances are low, it’s the most valuable skill learning emergency first aid that us non clinically trained professionals can have, while waiting for professionals to help that no one ever regrets learning.

I don’t know why tonight was the night that it would be brought up repeatedly in social media forums of people making it clear the feeling of safety they have by only having an anti-choking device but not wanting to learn first aid and not wanting to explain why but becoming defensive or only thinking the anti-choking device was enough.

People do get defensive with me a lot of times when I bring up this topic and it bears repeating:

I know how as a non clinical professional as much as I possibly can, medical emergency basic first aid, as I’m an activist and prior to that as a parent and due to some volunteer work before becoming a parent and after up until becoming disabled of being certified in infant, child and adult emergency first aid for over 30 years.

I however didn’t go to medical school and I’m not a physician and not trying to pretend to be one on here, as well as knowing as a mental health peer how to help get patients in mental health crisis the right support they desperately need to get the help that can save their life whether or not the patient can admit they are in crisis.

I’m not the smartest person in the world, nor the richest being a non monetized disabled activist blogger on SSDI.

But, if one is stranded on island or a rural area and the only people around is 2 other very intelligent, successful and kind people but who have ABSOLUTELY no training or knowledge in emergency first aid and myself, I should not be your best bet in remaining alive.

No one will punish me if they choose out of spite to argue with me about this, instead of just learning the skills.

You will however be forever punishing emotionally and physically yourself as unintentional as it could ever possibly be, possibly irrevocably, if not fatally yourself or someone you love the most by choosing, if not downright refusing to learn emergency first aid.

Please learn emergency first aid and if you choose to, also have anti-choking devices on hand.

Note: Again, please spare hate and death threats (yes, I’ve actually gotten them on blogs of this nature before). I’m not trying to make anyone feel stupid, I’m trying to show the importance of learning life saving skills that could save you or again, the people you love the most, your lives.

I don’t expect someone necessarily to thank me for this but they shouldn’t want to kill me or wish me harm, either… Sheesh.



I have been the last 2 days watching online, well as much as one can who isn’t on social media much but on the internet A LOT, shocked but not surprised about the outrage over Whoopi Goldberg’s comments on The View on Monday.

She apologized profusely for making a comment about the extent of hate that caused the Holocaust to occur, saying that it was hate versus racism that caused that evil.

But that wasn’t enough, she got enough people riled up saying she should be fired and then late last night she was suspended for 2 weeks from The View.

This is what I know as a white person when I talk about issues as a blogger regarding racism, I sometimes will make a misstep even if I have honorable intentions.

Comments that I make even less frequently but find just as abhorrent when issues are a result of anti-semitism tropes at best or at worst terrorist actions carried out on Jews, I may say something not in complete thought process or with lack of clarity, no matter how well intentioned and that also happens when I call out any kind of hatred whether it be xenophobia, homophobia and body shaming etc.

As people are (usually/supposed to be???) experts on their own lives and experience, they can’t be on any other.

I don’t think people like Whoopi Goldberg are above reproach, if they do or say something that could be offensive to a group of people, she should be called out on it.

But the aftermath of her comments are way more troubling than what she said.

The viral shitshow of people wanting her to be cancelled and gleefully relishing in a mistake she made with no malice, is something that warrants us as a society to remind ourselves that when we are calling out other people’s mistakes especially without thought of intention, we really need to look within and examine our own thoughts and behaviors on whether they are helpful in greater good for ourselves and other people.

Jews in the United States regardless of how religious one is, are taught from a young age age to lifelong to remember and honor Holocaust victims, to pay respect to those who died and the survivors and to also make sure it NEVER happens again.

So I am saying, check your “outrage for the sake of being outraged”.

I’m also saying it’s not a great look for ABC when an african american female ICON who makes an honest mistakes gets a 2 week timeout.

On the first day of Black History month!!!

But this is the whole entire point of what I’m trying to say, that we are in dangerous territory as a society when we can’t recognize people with great intentions who make a misstep from those with great malice of who they influence.



“If you don’t look out for others, who will look out for you?”… Whoopi Goldberg

Important Notes: Anything hateful will be reported. Also note, I didn’t think it was relevant to disclose like I have in other blogs that I’m actually Jewish.




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