It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Important Notes: I am not a clinically trained medical professional, I will always urge those in any form of crisis to seek professional help immediately from qualified professionals, in appropriate setting.

First off, I’m NOT anti-Kratom.

Just like I’m not against gastric bypasses, Mirena, pregnancy, Topamax, amitriptyline, to name a few medicines or medical procedures or states of being that people have an ideal outcome in other patients, which I’m grateful to my 2 adult children that my pregnancies resulted in my kids but were an atypical nightmare for me as far as state of being while in it.

When my normal medication regimen of an opiate and benzodiazepine were pullled several weeks ago, which I knew was a coming, prepared for it medically, withdrawal even after 11 years of taking hydrocodone and alprazolam were minimal.

Knowing though I didn’t want to go the pain management route, when that happened, I started researching Kratom and my saving grace in all of this was, that I was prepared to an extent that either Kratom wouldn’t work at all or there would be some side effects.

I fall into a strange category when it comes to patients, I have a high tolerance to prescription drugs known for abuse, but I have not strayed from what is prescribed, so I’m far from being opioid naive but I have a body and brain that hasn’t been exposed to a ton of substances legal and illegal, as well.

I tried Kratom thinking that I wasn’t going to manage severe chronic pain and anxiety without something which I address this more in my last posted blog, as far as initial feelings when meds were pulled.

I also address how sick I’ve been when on IV morphine in past hospital admissions and going through 5 days of horrible withdrawal when trying Duragesic over 10 years ago, when again, 24 hours after beginning something, I have horrible side effects.

In my case at least there’s no intractable vomiting, like there was with Duragesic, which I’m grateful for with this particular substance withdrawal.

And again, it bears repeating, I’ve gone thru withdrawal or had severe protracted issues once a substance not known for abuse, long after I last took it or was removed.

It is kind of bizarre though to experience one’s first seizures at over 51 1/2 years old in age, atypical bilateral involuntarily arm and leg jerks whenever I lie down, though like I have for almost the last 24 hours, which started 12 hours of my last dose.

I didn’t take Kratom to feel any kind of euphoria, I just wanted a chance to have some say so in trying to control my intractable lower back pain and anxiety, as well as other localized and widespread pain that I have.

I was shocked that given how controversial Kratom has become that it made it harder than it should be to get information that was absent of any bias, as people either love it or hate it and because of that, a lot of opinions on Kratom are subjective.

What has saddened me greatly though, is that I’m not surprised that I had an adverse side effect from something that has helped others, that I feel like I have to go through this yet again, alone because I don’t want to be blamed or shamed for my experience.

All I can do is to try and help others with my own experience though, as it can be even more isolating when you fall into consistently atypical outcomes that a majority of people have a better experience, to tell you that you aren’t alone.

And I have no idea sadly what its going to take for new meds and therapies to be created that can help more people with less risk, I just can only hope they are on the horizon.

Important Note: Anything that isn’t constructive will not be posted.

“Lisa, eventually though you will reach a point where the meds will NO longer work and it will take more and more to work”- My as of last night, former adored, brilliant and always kind primary care physician of over 20 years, said sometime to me in late 2010.

In her defense, I wasn’t being reasonable or even rational.

In my defense, neither was she, even though there absolutely no reckless disregard on either side but we were at a critical impasse, that wasn’t going to ever go away, no matter how much overall there was and hopefully always will be a mutual respect and looking out for one another’s best interest.

I did something in my last script of medications I was taking from last month that was a 30 day supply that lasted 17 days.

In my defense, I was sick of having compromised potency and longevity of medications and became so frustrated that I reached a new level of non compliance. For me.

Non compliance, while I’m not either proud or ashamed, is something I’ve done due to the pesky tolerance level I have in medications in all therapy classes, it’s not just specific to controlled substances or analgesics but triptans, hormones and anti-seizure to name a few.

And while I don’t ever start out taking too much, I usually end up finishing that way unless a medication has adverse side effects in me, which they have and they do.

In SO many meds in so many therapy classes I have had protracted severe side effects that I’m loathe to try any new meds at this point and for many years, now.

I can’t in good conscience not be fair about this issue with medications, patients and physicians, where the latter 2 are both caught up in the war on drugs on chronic pain patients and/or medically complex/compromised patients, rapidly increasing accidental AND intentional drug overdoses though, while there’s also a war with at best with meanness, if not downright hatefulness words, if not actions directed at physicians and other healthcare workers, that also pose a quality of life and/or life and death issues in both patient and physician populations when it comes to their prescribing protocols and ALL of it is UNACCEPTABLE.

I can’t ignore that and just pick a side, because ALL sides matter, in this case.

I just can’t believe we aren’t farther ahead with having more medication and treatment options for all kinds of conditions and all kinds of patients that have more therapeutic benefit and less risk, at this point in time to physician and patient populations.

And I just can’t believe that it needs to be said, but it DOES, that patients NEVER have the right to be a potential legal, emotional, if not physical safety hazard to ANY physician.

I don’t know how to solve this and I don’t think in the solution without a community made up of not like minded individuals we will be able to even try.

In the meantime, I will just try to keep helping others when I can, deferring when I can’t, and being committed to not doing anything that would contradict my belief and behavior when it comes DO NO HARM to myself and every other person and always be mindful of that.

And while there’s a way to go in fixing the issues, I’m not the only one saying this either from a chronic pain patient/medically complex patient, patient/physician advocate when it comes catastrophic medication outcomes that are an epidemic in medication misuse overdose and/or physician liability and safety perspective.

And I’m probably the only one who thinks, or at least is saying all the issues have to be addressed at once, just fixing one component will not be enough in addressing the opiate epidemic, chronic pain/medically complex and their prescribing physicians, all who are and/or were collateral damage, in all of this.

In the meantime, I will though take myself out of “the medication game”, as a patient and just will focus on it for now, as an activist knowing what a mixed blessing this is both personally and professionally knowing the luxury at times and also the liability, sustainability and ability to survive, let alone thrive, in all of this.

#TheCWords …

I was going to go in the same direction with this blog, which I’m not necessarily either proud or ashamed of by tricking people possibly to read this blog by purposely disguising the topics I want to talk about by using one term.

I was going to put in the words carbon monoxide in the title, until when putting carbon monoxide in a search engine extracted the following article:

Then I knew I still had to write this blog I didn’t want to write, that I know most will not want to read, it but I would have to change the title.

Here are the words and their definition and/or state of being that begin with the letter “c” that I hate:

carbon monoxide, COVID-19, cancer, contention, confusion, calamity, crisis, catastrophic, chaos, contemptible

Here are the words and their definition and/or state of being that begin with the letter “c” that I love:

comfort, clarity, community, care, children, cherished, cozy, comedy, creation, collaborative

I know that there are more words, their definition and/or state of being that fall into the category of either loving them or hating them, and I’m so grateful that I can just hate things but not people and I will eventually have to make a point.

I spent most of this last weekend quietly reflecting on the 20th anniversary of 9/11.

And wondering if the terrorists who planned that realized they won.

Acts of terror that were initiated by an international terrorist group that were rooted in revenge based upon a disconnect, that extensive violence and terror was an appropriate form of punishment for a radical group to perpetuate on the United States, who they felt was failing them in their desire where they were wanting to express religious freedom, peacefully.

You can never though fight an ugly single minded fight that harms innocent others and actually be right, regardless of intention.

That doesn’t mean one and/or many can’t win, at least in their minds.

What people actually win and what they consider war worthy at this point, I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it.

So if you want to discuss words that begin with the letter “c” that you love or hate and why you do, as long as it’s respectful, I’m game.

If not, let me leave you lastly with one final “food” for thought.

Carbon Monoxide poisoning is real, even though human beings can’t detect it with any of their senses but most realize that and that’s why they have a carbon monoxide detector in their homes, then there are others, who don’t think it will happen to them and sometimes it doesn’t, but when it does, it’s a medical emergency that can result in death in mere minutes, sometimes longer but requires professional help, immediately.

Such as it did to the family featured in above article who died from carbon monoxide poisoning during a natural disaster in the middle of a pandemic, which nothing I said in this paragraph and the one above, is subjective.

At best I try to get through my day and all I can do to cope is, is not hurt myself and others, which I have no intentions of.

At best when I’m coping ok, I try for crisis prevention, crisis awareness and crisis support in different communities in hopes to positively effect someone else, if not help people who are in crisis such as activism I do in bariatric or physician communities, as well as everything else I do activism for, even though I know I can’t do activism for everything, there would be no efficacy.

I see and hear communities, give context when it comes to conditions and try continually to conduct myself as compassionately but also as constructively, as possible and always trying to establish common ground.

And you?

C’mon. I’m curious.

Important Note: This blog is NEVER meant to replace care needed in emergencies,whether it’s contacting emergency services (i.e 911 and again 1/2 my readers aren’t in North America) or in acute care facility by trained professionals, it’s meant to educate on the importance of learning emergency first aid in infants, children and adults (and adults in special circumstances such as Heimlich technique in pregnant women) who are experiencing a emergency until appropriate professionals arive. .

You will hopefully never need to USE it, but it’s a series of skillsets you will NEVER regret learning properly and be so grateful you did, should a crisis arise whether you are willing to assume the risk of doing it on strangers (which I am) or just for loved ones of all ages.

More comprehensive information that people can use educate themselves to help in a life threatening emergency:


I don’t get it.

Like people on video or like this linked on top, in the comment section on You Tube, will minimize need for people to learn emergency first aid and it’s never been an unnecessary set of skills to have for those who are not required to due to vocation to be certified.

In da olden days we had to get certified by taking classes, some could take all day, depending on on specific population (i.e. infant, children and adult) and skills (i.e. cpr, mouth to mouth, burns, neuro events i.e. stroke and seizures) that required we even had to leave our houses or even without certification classes would be available but taught only in person prior to the digital era.

I’m disabled so if I want to, the little I get out, I don’t have the inclination to take a bunch of classes online or in person to be recertified but prior to becoming disabled I retained certification my ENTIRE adult life but still by first aid videos on You Tube keep my emergency skills, up.

I have to on the regular and I get I have more time than most people, to watch these videos because my cognitive disabilities make it impossible me to remember certain things such as rate of breath to compressions even though form on infant, children and adult, I still remember.

People have to choose if they choose to learn first aid, of who they would do it and how far to go.

Such as in circumstances, if you’d only ever perform it on loved ones, certain skillsets should be expanded, such as learning cpr with both compressions and rescue breathing, as if one as far from emergency services or in an area where they are taxed, doing compressions will only help for a few minutes, then it’s not as helpful just to do compressions as it could be if there is no rescue breaths as the risk of serious brain damage.

Deciding on whether or not you want to perform emergency first aid on strangers, I can’t tell you what to do but that if fear if causing more harm and being legally liable is not usually an issue.

In my unusual case, I’d assume risk to save someone else’s life, already having an extensive Advance Healthcare Directive for the last 3 years that in my own case, I don’t want any life saving measures of any kind (DNI/DNR) and that’s also important information for strangers to know as well as loved ones so that information is on my phone the little I get out, should I have which would my last and my family knows my wishes even though they don’t love them, they respect it, given how much I’ve had to fight to stay in alive in the last 19 years.

So, is the topics of learning emergency first aid and having an advanced healthcare directive is kind of morbid, it’s not nearly as morbid as watching someone possibly die who could be saved by someone learning emergency first aid and learning also about Advance Health Directives, having one legalized and filed of what you want or don’t want, in case of life threatening circumstances, as well as wishes in event of one’s death and loved ones NOT knowing is way more morbid.

This baby in above video still being alive shouldn’t have been so random, I’m not saying that to be critical of the mother, just saying there’s not enough activism being done about people learning emergency first aid and having AHDs and there should be a digital movement that I can’t take on the responsibility or the recognition that I don’t want, to do that.

But I will do what I can to remind people and it’s getting harder to be patient and kind for something that couldn’t be more in one’s best interest and those they love to learn how to possibly help save their life.

Important Note: Any constructive feedback about blog is welcomed, especially by healthcare and first responders, anything negative will be ignored, I’ll though say if you watched the 2 minute video and read this blog, you’d know that the part of the video that showed partial instruction in infant obstructed airway, was incomplete and while I shouldn’t have read the comments on the video, you’d be shocked at the stupidity displayed at best on people not knowing that it was incomplete at all, let alone to what extent is both saddening and maddening.

Happy 8th Birthday, UnstapledLisa the blog….

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional nor do I have any training in public safety and I will ALWAYS advise if a person is in crisis, is possibly in danger of hurting themselves or others of to contact emergency services and/or get in person evaluation and treatment, immediately.

Trigger Warnings: This blog discusses emotional trauma such as serious and lifelong bullying, rape and suicide to name a few, as well as other controversial topics of how divided and emotionally malignant our society is becoming and if any of that, including profanity, is a potential trigger for anyone, it’s okay to not read. I’d prefer it.

This particular blog is really truthfully for myself, but being published in hopes to help others, but for that to occur it will take patience, kindness and being open minded.


I honestly thought I saw all that was potentially considered insanity, personally was what led up to and the 3 years after of what was exactly 13 years ago, my one and only suicide attempt and the actual repercussions and aftermath, is as bad as things could get in a first world country, with someone in my case who had a traditional middle to upper middle class upbringing.

There was NOTHING though normal about my life, I’ve been bullied by peers from preschool to current time.

I was born a food addict who didn’t feel satiated very long.

I was really smart though, shy and kind and then became funny to make up for being what society considered my fatness and my ugliness and awkward actually face, body and curly red hair in my early teens.

I learned how to verbally defend myself in my early 20’s, right around the time it became important, as a year later I had my first child who was my priority.

Almost 20 years ago right after 9/11, thinking I’d never know what it would be like to be thin, pretty and maybe a little powerful, I decided to have a gastric bypass.

I did become thin and pretty, still smart and funny and became powerful in ways that mattered the most when I found fitness in my somewhat early mid 30’s but prior to that, in the first 18 months after my gastric bypass, I moved into a nicer apartment with my son, lost the majority of my weight, had my second child but was already starting to show signs of gastric bypass complications, but I was a single mother of 2 by then, who worked full time, had a nice apartment with my kids and a nice life but even prior my gastric bypass I had an independent productive life that I was somewhat proud of and liked, I had my son, I had my family and what I thought were a few good friends even though life from my early 20’s to mid 30’s while peppered with extraordinary great things to also being peppered a few traumatic events.

The most and least talked about traumas in my 20’s was my son getting physically abused once with his mouth being washed out by soap, by his daycare provider who was my former employer once I went back to working for corporations when he was 2 1/2, which he obviously never went back to that daycare.

A year later I was raped while being fat and was double traumatized because I knew I couldn’t tell anyone because I believed NO ONE would believe me, never thinking in a newer day and age it could ever be mocked.

Then finally find my way in what I thought would be best for my kids and I, as in my early mid 30’s, I have my kids, I have a purpose professionally and personally with fitness but not wanting to be obnoxious about it, but I didn’t know that intense exercise produces some amazing endorphins in some people and I loved it enough to go to school to be a personal trainer, but in cases where weight loss wasn’t an objective even with people who were on the larger side of the spectrum thought some kind of rehabilitative form exercise could help, not knowing that 3 years later, there would be an expiration date on my body’s and mind’s ability to produce endorphins and everything else would be turned upside down.

Everything in the immediate to 17 months post suicide attempt is in my first blog that I launched on here, exactly 8 years ago.

And the title was aptly named of my first blog being “What Crazy Looks Like”.

Cause I was too sick medically and mentally to recognize too much of the outside world in 2008, by then my whole entire life had already collapsed and already felt incredibly over.

It feels like a sick joke when I try to explain sometimes to others, my entire past life whether it be how i was able to show my children how much I loved them, that I could work, drive a car, exercise that it’s been almost a third of my life that I’ve been living with not necessarily catastrophic disability but such cumbersome life limiting ones.

I knew though having to start all over from having nothing, not even the most basic of freedoms at times 13 years ago, as I was nearly institutionalized (again, another long read but that is in my 1st blog) after my suicide attempt to fight that, to then have to fight so hard to stay alive to get my gastric bypass reversed a little 2 years later, I can’t dwell on much.

I knew from the time though I went through my gastric bypass complications being more visible to the public, then just to my children and sometimes immediate family post suicide attempt and not having anyone know what it was like to go through complications that were severe and then go through the reversal process felt unchartered territory that was scary to navigate alone.

That I didn’t want that to be in vain, but more importantly I did NOT want what my children to have been put through what they were to have been in vain, that some good had to come out of it, in hopes it would lead to their healing and possibly others who could relate to my personal experiences.

I could’ve never ever thought that people could become more divided, hateful and violent.

I never ever thought a celebrity of yet to be determined amount of wealth, could run for the office of the presidency of the United States where it was rooted in revenge in motive and win.

I never ever thought a public health crisis could stoke such further divide and hate.

I’m going to though for probably the first and last time as a blogger activist share beliefs I normally don’t, it will at first sound like I’m digressing, but it’s hard to make major points, without quite a bit of context.

I’m pro-choice even though I’d never have nor would I have had an abortion.

I don’t think I’m better, obviously I failed motherhood in a major way, for those who’ve had an abortion for any reason and I’m absolutely horrified at the thought of any female being forced to have a child, in matters of stranger and/or domestic rape assault results in pregnancy, doesn’t have the means to consent or if the mother’s life is in jeopardy.

In my case though view about abortion, in the end my concern is about is mental and physical wellbeing of the mother and the child. I think outlawing abortion would lead in the end to more dead mothers and dead children and dead people, in general.

I’m pro 2nd amendment even though I’ve never owned a gun, let alone I’ve never even touched one.

I’m pro science and pro vax but also believe in people’s right to choose for themselves and keep that private but hope they realize their right to choose can’t be at the risk of someone else life.

About 9,000 words in, I’m about to make my point/s.

I have a lot of free time that I never wanted or asked for.

The world would be a lot better of a place if people could just concentrate on what they have in common versus their differences that make them operate on the offense, constantly.

That’s not something new being said, my take though is how people who have the most differences in beliefs, can behave almost identically at great detriment to others.

I don’t get in this day and age how people can confuse justice and revenge.

I don’t get either recreationally or the constant need, that’s obsessive and addictive in others, with hating other people.

There is a lot of blogs I have that identify in better detail of experiences that shaped my desire to want to help people if I can, some blogs I apologize to those I owe one and just try to do the best I can with my complex disability sets while appreciating my few but amazing and unique skill sets that can help others in crisis.

There’s an urgency I feel though that this feeling that the world is literally a dumpster fire and that people can’t recognize their own figurative blindspots, this isn’t going to get any better, this is only going to get worse for humanity and we really can’t emotionally or physically afford it.

I guess this is what crazy really looks like but unfortunately even more crazier, doesn’t have to be if people realized everyone has a right to a safe and peaceful life and acted accordingly.

Important Notes: Cause this day is more solemn to me than celebratory I’m going to add 2 important points I didn’t need a pandemic to know this. Learn comprehensively emergency first aid and have an advanced health directive that loved ones know what you’d want in a medical crisis and what your wishes ideally after death and learning first aid and writing an advance health directive is easier when you and anyone you love is not in actual crisis.

Also note for the haters of the death threat variety (I have other sucky hater varieties, too) you can’t hurt me with a threat which still will be reported and if somehow someone would actually kill me, it’s kind of the only fucking way I’d ever look like anything resembling a hero and you’ll look like and be a total evil coward loser.

Give the hate a break, that’s like the whole entire point that you’re missing!!!

Important Edit 2 hours after publishing: Others don’t understand why prior to a pandemic that I’ve pushed learning emergency first aid and have an advanced health directive where you state specifically your wishes in a medical crisis or you designate a proxy if you can’t speak on your own behalf.

In my case being certified when I could in first aid was needed professionally at times or personally such as prior to kids being a volunteer and then being a mother.

Given how complex my disability sets are, having an AHD that says in my case for the last 3 years DNR/DNI knowing that I don’t have it in me to fight for my life again is best done when not in a medical crisis and having the uncomfortable sucky conversation that my loved ones know that for example when I die, I’ve donated my body (again, my AHD/advance health directed was written in Spring of 2018 and filed a few months later with body bequeathment that will take care of remain issues and my wish that no one mourns me, (in absence of a will as I don’t have any assets to bequeath) but celebrates the love I have for those I love that makes them being okay and at peace, once I’m gone.

I guess I don’t know how it could hurt to help even if it’s just a loved one, by learning first aid and telling loved ones what you want in the event of a medical crisis or any kind of crisis.

Okay, Dylan, what’s your deal?

Yeah, I read your stupid article and yeah, you are probably a better writer than this non monetized disabled activist.

Even though your mean, pathetic and passive aggressive nature of what you actually write, kinda sucks.

Simone Biles doesn’t need me to defend her.

She also doesn’t need the 9 million articles online in defense of her decision nor the detractions.

I don’t think any athlete though has been in the media spotlight due to a decision that’s really not for anyone to judge, especially in her specific unique circumstances that make it hard to understand your comparisons to other athletes who are the best of the best in their specific sports.

Doing what she did was probably one of the most difficult decisions of her life, knowing that she was a part of a team, but it’s not a reflection of her not having the utmost consideration of her team.

Doing what she did though doesn’t take away from the fact she is the greatest, or at least one of the greatest gymnasts that has ever existed.

Other writers as well as other Olympic athletes have better defended Simone’s decision, especially bringing up that while she chose gymnastics, that any kind of distraction, any kind of injury could not only jeopardize Team USA’s chances of gold, it could jeopardize her life.

Fortunately for me, while I felt a need to respond to your idiotic article, I didn’t check to see if you’ve been as harsh in your judgements on other athletes or celebrities, reading your above article was bad enough and I don’t really care to see anything else you have to say, unless you choose to apologize to Simone.

Truthfully, I’m not a big a sports fan or even a fan of the Olympics because the few things I find fascinating to watch, such as gymnastics or figure skating is terrifying to watch, in the realm of the risk of great injury, even though the dynamics of those sports, when performed by the very best, is a wonder to behold, at least to me.

Simone Biles is an awe inspiring human being and athlete.

So is Suni Lee, who I again, as not a sports watcher, truthfully never heard of her until 3 days ago, even though I live in Minnesota.

And hopefully others not you as far as your article, will stop pitting those 2 against each other or making unnecessary comparisons, let alone the other racist, misogynist and unsupportive crap that’s been thrown at both Simone and Sunisa.

As well as all people try to realize the talent in any athlete the ones you named in your stupid hit piece and the ones who are in Tokyo right now, are ALL amazing athletes.

Hopefully, you’ll concentrate on that in your further writings, other than your misogynist and totally insane deductions that Simone Biles is anything other than BOTH an amazing human being AND an extraordinary gifted gymnast, as that’s not a matter of opinion but an ACTUAL fact.

I was going to write a blog a few days ago regarding summer safety, especially with a lot of the country being effected by heat and drought, but I didn’t.

It’s not because I didn’t want to or that I felt there wasn’t a need for me to say what I had to.

Such as concerns about being careful in the sun and heat for a multitude of reasons.

Being worried about whether or not people would increase risk to themselves in these conditions personally, where they would be at risk for heat stroke such as being under the influence of alcohol or drugs or not and also any kind of behaviors that occur more often in the summer that increases risk of injury, health syndromes and sometimes death to oneself or others.

And a less commonly talked about but important health issue that can happen in summer was to talk about which is hyponatremia, where that can sometimes be a more risk of people who are active and in considered in optimal physical health, but if one gets hyponatremia they are at risk for catastrophic neurological issues, if not multi-system organ failure and death.

I was going to put links in that blog that I actually started so it could help people learn summer safety tips, learn how to recognize the signs of drowning and how to perform first aid, whether it be for CPR, burns, heimlich maneuver in people of all ages and in conditions (i.e. pregnant women) and also pet safety.

I wasn’t going to in that blog, nor am I going to in this blog bring up COVID.

The reason why I wasn’t was because what I was going to write about was as equally deadly and could kill someone even unintentionally, before COVID could ever be an issue.

I get the reasons why people love celebrating Independence Day and doing that with either seeing professional displays of fireworks or lighting off fireworks they’ve purchased.

I also get that some municipalities do fireworks other than on the 4th of July.

What I don’t get though, is how people think it’s okay, for it being their right to shoot off fireworks and not being more considerate, as unless one owns a 20 mile parcel of land, that their right to shoot of fireworks privately and not understand the risk to themselves, the ones (human and pets) they love, their property and total strangers.

I think of the unnecessary taxing of first responders who have to respond to a fire, like firefighters having to wear heavy gear in a heat wave.

I think of Emergency Rooms that will be more stressed on a holiday because of firework injuries, when people statistically have a medical emergency that they have NO control over, whether it be a heart attack, a car accident or victims of violent crime and other non preventable emergent summer health issues.

I think of people like myself where the sound of fireworks literally makes our/their nervous system go awry and it causes physical distress even though I can intellectually understand that the noise is from fireworks.

I think of people and animals not like me, whether they be survivors of a gun violence, veterans, babies and young children, animals where their physical and emotional response is worse and unnecessarily traumatizing and for babies, young children and pets, they cannot understand what’s going on, especially those in families who love shooting off fireworks or those who unfortunately have to live in close proximity.

As of now, it’s 12:50 A.M. on July 5th, here in Minnesota and fireworks are still being set off in several areas within a 1 mile radius of where I live.

And while I’d feel for anyone injured by them, including those who are setting them off, so inconsiderately, if I’m to be honest, I worry more about those who are being adversely effected, even if the result is that no person is physically harmed or their property, regardless of where privately purchased and are being set off.

I just don’t understand how people though can not understand that their right to do something ends, when it has any kind of adverse consequence to another on their right to have a peaceful and safe life.

If anyone who reads this, thinks I’m being harsh by thinking people shooting off fireworks at all hours of the night, especially during heat and drought are assholes, I’m willing to hear constructive feedback.

Spare me the death threats though, OK?

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, I will always implore people in crisis who could be a danger to themselves or others get in person professional help, immediately.

The topic at hand though is about a human being who never should’ve had moments in crisis 13 or 14 years ago made so public and her circumstances used for profit and exploitation at great emotional expense, since 2008.

Important Trigger Warnings: I discuss in this blog, quite reluctantly as a non monetized blogger about my own mental health issues, the severe consequences of them and horrified and heartbreaking I find what Britney Spears has been put through in the last 13 years AND IS STILL BEING PUT THROUGH.

If topics related to mental health, trauma and profanity are triggering to anyone, please don’t read.


I never ever the little I write about celebrities thought I’d write about Britney Spears.

Other than sharing a birthday (I’m exactly 12 years older than her), liking her music and being so screwed over by a system when it comes to mental health in 2008, I don’t have anything else in common with her.

In my case though, I’m not in the public eye.

I might have not been so lucky with my own circumstances though, if what happened to me in 2008 happened now.

I know what it’s like to be at risk though for a conservatorship.

I know what it’s like to lose my freedom for 16 1/2 months and have psychotropic medications forced on me in that period of time, even though the commitment hearing that was a result of a suicide attempt (my first and last) in August of 2008, the commitment was stayed but I was in the a psych unit for 35 days after my attempt and in group homes for 15 1/2 months, after I was released from the hospital as while commitment was stayed, I still considered a ward of the State of Minnesota for a year.

While I saw a lot of bizarre things in others being on a psych ward for so long and in group homes in that period of time, 3 things still stand out.

Before I would be let out of the psych ward, because I had an open social security case I had to sign a sheet of paper agreeing to pay back the State of Minnesota and my county of residence the cost for me to be in group homes, from my back pay (which not so fun fact they took fucking 17,000 out of that social security back pay and I had then and still have net worth of like, nothing) .

That the judge a year later when I went to court for social security, let me know right then and there he was ruling in my favor.

And lastly for a psychiatrist who was treating me prior to my suicide attempt and once I was out of the psych ward in the hospital post suicide attempt signed off on my not needing a conservator, when and if I’d ever get out of the last group home I was in, which I’ve been living on my own since January 1st, 2010.

Most of those details are in my very first blog I launched on here almost 8 years ago, exactly 5 years after my suicide attempt, so I’m not going to rehash them now, but it’s important for context of why I’m writing about Britney Spears, being disgusted of what she’s been through and is still going through, especially after she participated yesterday in a hearing about her ongoing conservatorship and wanting it to be finally terminated.

I just finished reading the transcript of her testimony, as more and more details have been all over news and celebrity outlets and it’s just despicable what was done to her, at all, let alone the extent and for how long.

People who have committed violent felonies have suffered less of a loss of personal freedoms than Britney Spears has.

Celebrities both male and female have done far worse legally and had absolutely no consequences to their freedoms at all and very little if any consequences to their reputations.

Where someone could be forced to work against their will but still not be considered mentally fit to be in charge of their finances or the most basic of freedoms.

Medically to have a bunch of medications (Not so fun fact, a lot of psychotropics if not prescribed thoughtfully and with feedback considered from patient can have horrible physical and psychological consequences/side effects, so does birth control) imposed with what seems to be reckless disregard of medical consequences and patient feedback.

That’s all horrific in it’s own right, but the added trauma from the exploitation of Britney, since she was 17 and much more magnified in the last 13 years from total strangers and people who were supposed to protect her, but not in such a predatory controlling way, is total misogynist and malicious unjustified traumatic hurt and harm that has been her outcome.

All I can hope going forward is that a judge releases Britney immediately and unconditionally from her conservatorship.

I hope also she can sue the fuck out of people who did exploit her.

I also do hope though from a medical activist point a view that Britney does get evaluated and treated by people she chooses and feels safe and protected with when it comes to her medical and mental healthcare, and knowing the side effects from medicines she’s been put on and the trauma she’s been put through that’s she’s closely supervised and as this could apply to anyone who’s been in similar circumstances , that no patient should abruptly stop medications in all therapy classes, either, as that could also cause serious and dangerous medical and/or mental health consequences, if not potentially in some cases be fatal.

And lastly, I hope anything said about Britney Spears ONLY comes from Britney Spears, going forward, as I’ve already tried and it wasn’t hard to make sure that anything she hasn’t consented to, I’ve not contributed to those people profiting in the last 13 years and I’ll never do that and it’s the least anyone who claims to care about what she’s been so disgustingly put through, to do the same.

Important Note: Spare me and others hate and ill will for once, okay? Anything that isn’t constructive will not be posted and threats of any kind will be reported.

Dear Kaitlyn,

I was sorry when I saw yesterday that you had to put out a comment about appearance shaming.

In my case where I am a medically, mentally, cogntively disabled non-monetized activist blogger, unfortunately I had and I’m not saying this for pity, had to write a blog about finding an image online of myself yesterday morning, because I’m fat that was used to promote a fat hating weight loss supplement blogger who uses hating fat people to sell weight loss supplements.

In my case, I fear being famous or going viral for any reason, but absolutely don’t think that there’s anything wrong with people who like celebrity and try to look the best they can.

While I don’t watch the Bachelorette or Dancing with the Stars, I do watch Say Yes To The Dress and the show that came out of that about another beautiful inside and out super talented wedding dress designer that I’m also disgusted on everything she’s being put through, to able use her name because of the lawsuit she’s fighting to own her own name and social media, which I thought you and her were awesome in and I was happy for you for your DWTS win, seeing the talent you displayed dancing with Artem on multiple clips of shows you’ve been on, that I’ve seen on You Tube.

One of the biggest things I try to get across as an activist is that people have a right to a safe and peaceful life online and offline.

That I believe ALL looks and body shaming and bullying is disgusting.

Online and offline.

You seem to be just as beautiful on the inside, as on the outside.

As well as being a a saavy business woman, who’s smart, has a great sense of humor, is caring, who loves adventure, tries to accomplish and master things and that’s why I and I think so many people admire you.

While I could obviously understand if what I’m saying doesn’t ever make it on your radar and that’s okay, I just wanted to reiterate, even if you already know this, that you work really hard, you seem to be such a kind person and unfortunately there’s a lot of people in the world nowadays, especially in the digital era, who instead of trying to work on their own lives either personally or professionally, should work on their insecurities and addiction to hate, whether they are spreading hate online or offline to one person or to many.

I just wanted you to know or if anyone else who’s going through the same thing who can relate to reiterate that you didn’t deserve to be put in the position you were.

That again, even if people like me who don’t necessarily follow you closely, admire all your amazing qualities and are happy for the rewards that your hard work has brought you professionally and are happy for you for the good things in your personal life.

And also again, to say that while people can try to steal another person’s happiness and joy, that those who do, while you have a right to defend yourself when attacked, and also while you don’t have to pity people like that, they can never dim your light and it’s and they are, just like anyone else who tries to do that is pathetic at best, for trying to rob others of their inner peace.

And people like that are definitely in need of some serious soul searching, as well as serious professional help.

I’m still so sorry that you were put through this and while I don’t normally try to defend online or address famous people, I felt though that it was necessary for you to know that people from all walks of life, looks, weight and socio-economics were disgusted and saddened that you were put through what you were.

Wishing you much continued success and much happiness,

Peace, Lisa

Hi Corina, isn’t it?

You know let me say something from one human being to another.

Googling oneself or one’s social media identity is always a bad idea, especially after being up all night not feeling well.

Sometimes though with a non-monetized blog in my case, that tries to help ALL people who may need it regardless of weight, race, religion, socio-economics, politics, gender, gender/sexual identification and profession, stopping short of being supportive of murderers and pedophiles, it’s necessary to use search engines for blog purposes.

Anyways, imagine my surprise when googling UNSTAPLEDLISA (in lowercase, tho) early this morning and saw your blog site attached to my social media name using a picture of me from like 30 years ago, as clickbait.

I could tell you my story, but I shouldn’t have to.

I don’t know if you’re selling weight loss or selling hate or selling both.

All I have to say, is this financially lucrative to you?

Does it feed your soul to stoke hate in a population that’s already hated on, such as people who are heavier than you think they should be?

Do you realize not all fat people hate or are jealous of thin people (FYI fun fact, people like me despise all kinds of looks and body shaming fat shaming to to thin shaming) and the reasons for people being the weight they are is not necessarily due to laziness and/or gluttony but are complex?

I guess all I can say is if you are going to use an image that you had really gone out of your way to find, just stick with me, even though I have way more recent pictures in the last 19 years of me being anywhere from a size 22 to a 2/4 and back to a 22 and inbetween, under the same social media name.

So knock yourself out, OK?

PLEASE don’t do this to someone else, though, whether it be another woman or man as I can take being bullied having already dealt with being body and looks shamed for 47 years out of the last 51 years and the complex trauma it has caused.

Because, I know as a suicide prevention/awareness activist blogger hatred you may send another person’s way could be the last straw for them and for that reason, if I have to pick between being old poor, fat, ugly and disabled and having your exterior, finances but your soul, I’ll choose me, thank you very much.

I’m grateful though, I’ll never understand how doing what you do, how you do it and WHY you do it, is EVER worth it to you.

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