It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCACY’ Category

What #Thanksgiving Should REALLY Be About…

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, I have absolutely no training in public safety and law enforcement, I will always urge those who are in crisis or have loved ones who are, who could be capable of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

I’m NOT happy this Thanksgiving.

Which is OKAY.

What I am though is grateful, humble and have a desire to help others, even if it’s not in a monumental way, given my purposefully limited presence on social media.

It’s been a brutal year for so many that I know and don’t know, in losses of things and most importantly people, by many ways and for many reasons.

And my heart as a human hurts for those people and their loved ones, who’ve lost their lives, their livelihoods and their homes.

And if you’re similar to me, regardless of reasons, what I lost in the last coming years and it isn’t getting better and is actually getting worse, is my peace of mind.

That doesn’t mean I don’t possess emotionally stability and mental fitness, because I do.

I’ve spent the last year especially working on that, as well as what I do as an activist and little else.

Circumstances in the last year, led me to ignore the external about myself and rather fight a losing battle about what I look like, at least at this time in my life, led me to do that and I’m so grateful for that because if I have to feel that I can be a prisoner in some ways of others choices that can negatively impact another and circumstances within myself that I can’t control medically, it’s reinforced my commitment that if I can’t help someone, that I’m supersensitive to the fact that I don’t hurt them.

STOP.

Okay, so I started the above a few hours and went to take a break.

Coming back to write this again, more reinforced in the direction that this blog was meant to be in the first place and that is gratitude for people and the intangible good things.

I’m spending this holiday alone, and I’ll just say somewhat on purpose, because the reasons don’t matter.

The contradiction of what this holiday is supposed to mean, is in great abundance in my emails, I don’t dare look for it anywhere else on the internet.

Emails like “Happy Thanksgiving, Alissa!!! Start your Black Friday shopping, NOW”, all eight trillion of them.

I get business is business and I don’t think commercialism or capitalism is bad in itself.

I think it’s getting muddied though in the social media era, when people became brands themselves or when it became purposely that brands tried to become “peoplish”.

And for my sake, I’m not going to make that worse by being on social media, even though I’m blessed with great supportive people I’ve found because of it.

I don’t need a holiday to remind to be grateful for what is good.

I remember ten years ago, like when I didn’t have anything, including my freedom in addition to having medical health issues that make it no small miracle that I’m still alive for the last 8 years.

That’s probably why, knowing how lucky I am, in so many ways that I don’t ever forget, being grateful for my loved ones, my freedom, having my basic needs met that I didn’t think ten years ago, life could get more scary but it has.

I’m not talking about just me but for so many, where as we get further along, we get more backwards in ways that matter the most.

Unfortunately, it just seems like it doesn’t matter or it matters less, about who and what you are on the inside and/or what you can do to help others, as much as it matters of what you look like on the outside and what you have.

That’s our new normal, though and that I find terrifying and calling that out on a day that we are supposed to be grateful for what we have and with our loved ones, isn’t sacred anymore, feels icky but necessary.

Because people are being conditioned to be more concerned what others are doing, what they look like when they are doing it, what they have and what they will acquire and being focused on that is not only diminishing who we are as people, but who we are as a society.

I’m sad for those who have experienced awful losses this year and I admire those who have and still have managed to find the good even though I can still feel sympathy for those who are stuck because of their tremendous losses and can’t see the good and are saddened.

I’m grateful to the people who sacrifice their personal lives, if not their actual lives to protect us and help us.

Everyone has a gift that’s unique to them, that’s intangible that they could either use to help themselves and or others, I hope people who can’t see that about them, that they finally are able to identify it and use it to help themselves and/or others for greater good.

And it’s not bad nor does it make someone bad, if they need a reminder that anything that has a dollar amount, isn’t what’s most invaluable to us.

It’s who and how we love and doing that and/or trying harder to do that with kindness, is what really matters.

That’s what I’m going to be concentrating on this Thanksgiving, as well as I do in my daily life.

Lastly, I’m in no way saying it’s bad or that people are superficial for liking things and loving social media.

But, it could help anyone and everyone to take a moment, get off your phones, tell the people who you are grateful for that you are and if you’re not with them, let them know that. Often.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Note: Anything not constructive will NOT be published!!!

 

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#DepravedIndifferenceInTheDigitalEra

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical, mental health or in public safety professional. I’m just a concerned medical and mental health and violent crime prevention activist and blogger, at times.

A lot lately.

And for awhile now.

If you or someone you know, is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services (i.e. 911 if you’re in the United States) and other important crisis resources will be at the end of this blog.

***

With a title like this, I guess I need to make some clarifications, right from the start.

I’ve been around for almost a half of a century, now .

I know that people have been hateful and harmful from the beginning of time, let alone before computers, internet and smart phone eras.

But now so many people are being irrevocably mentally and medically harmed, if not having their lives violently taken from them.

Where no place is sacred, such as a school, a place of worship, a hospital, a government center, a daycare or workplace and playgrounds, to name a few.

Where no one is spared, whether they be a baby, child, teenager adult to elderly.

Regardless of political preferences, gender, sexual orientation/identification, religion, race, race and socioeconomics.

And  people from all walks of life, have the potential that they fufill ,to be predators, perpetrators of hateful actions and vile crimes (well not babies or very young children) and to be victims.

This is what I’m deciding to mainly focus on, going forward as an activist…

That the serious discussions that need to take place, that I’m a part of, as far as making an attempt to be a part of the discussion to make aware, that people are losing the ability to realize and respect the sanctity of human life.

That everyone should have a life that is free from physiological and psychological harm.

That we start instilling this in the young.

And have safety nets in place lifelong for human being the evaluation and treatment of people in crisis.

And that we as a society if we’re going to survive, let alone thrive, have to figure out how to respectfully agree to disagree.

That rejection, if it or anything else that leads to rage, people can get help so they don’t continue to harm and kill innocent people.

That they don’t continue to irrovacably interfere with another’s right to peace of mind.

It needs to be said, in an era, where there is so many murder/suicides and just such an increase in violent crime, as well as the increase in severe emotional abuse and bullying, that even the people without a history, even if they started out and throughout their life, that doesn’t mean much, if they end their own lives and others, violently.

Or they in secret or quite publically hate and shame on a population of people, whether it be online or offline.

I DO NOT  believe that everyone can love everyone.

But it needs to change  where people realize how much it can harm, if they ONLY  have compassion for people who they care about and who are similarly like minded.

In that case apathy is a lot better than contempt or hate.

And if nothing else, if one can’t be a part of the solution, please don’t be a part of the problem.

Because some people just for no reason are predispotioned to depravity.

And then there are others where for multiple reasons, their depravity is circumstantial.

But no less damaging, if not deadly.

Note: I hope this will lead to necessary discussions about having multiple initiatives in hopes to help humankind.

Any response that is hateful or not constructive to this topic will NOT be published.

http://www.befrienders.org

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When it’s without a doubt, NOT going to get easier……

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Disclaimers: This blog is both to achieve personal points and an activism goal. I do talk about appearance and weight.

I ask if any of the above, as I defend people to be of whatever weight they feel is in their best interest (meaning whether they believe in weight loss or being any size of the spectrum without stigma) as well as appearance, such as whether one wants to be glammed up or if they’re more like me and I look like I climbed out of under a rock, even with showering and fresh clean clothes on, that if any is a trigger to anyone, PLEASE  don’t read.

***

Above meme is a current self portrait of sorts…

Well I guess if one is going to be picky, an internal one.

It’s not that I’ve haven’t been open on my internet spaces, of gaining a lot of weight, NOT really caring much that I have and that I look like the love child of Jabba the Hutt and Bride of Chucky, it’s that I’m okay with it, which is completely socially UNACCEPTABLE.

In fact it’s SO socially unacceptable, that to admit it, makes me looked more unglued mentally, than I was 10 years ago (you’ll have to read my very 1st blog on WP, to find out the deets for that).

As I get older though and more wiser, for me at least, what’s considered unacceptable to others, i.e. gaining weight (even though I’m trying not to gain anymore and/or lose a little bit and DO NOT want any weight loss advice, of like any kind) or that I don’t look the greatest, as it’s a symptom for me of something that it’s a mixed blessing and mixed bag of sorts, to accept.

My current disability sets are getting worse, as far as self care is concerned and I don’t love it, but have to accept that’s where I’m at and take personal inventory of what I’m capable of, in some kind of action.

Meaning what bothers me the most, is the failure on my part to do more than just get by, that I can’t take care of others.

That if I would die, I’d have nothing to give to anyone in either a legacy to be proud of or any type of financial support to my children and my parents, who I owe EVERYTHING to.

That as an activist, it’s getting unbearable to see the news daily, of all the unconscionable acts of violence and tragedies.

So,  I’m taking stock of what I can do to be a better activist and to be better personally that’s focused  in the medical and mental health arts and sciences, and what I can do to better my finances,  before I get anymore disabled.

And being grateful at least that if I can’t be the best I can be on the outside, internally I’m mentally intact and can strive for more.

And that’s okay…

Note: Please NO food, diet and/or fitness advice. Thanks!!!

What, if anything can be done to reduce domestic murder/suicides??? #StigmaKills

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http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org 1-800-273-8255
http://www.befrienders.org (outside the U.S.)

Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. I will ALWAYS encourage people in crisis to seek immediate professional help or call emergency services if they or someone they know is capable of hurting themselves or others.

The epidemic we are facing now, is that sometimes people are just snapping and killing loved ones and then themselves, when a relationship ends.

Sometimes there is an issue where in cases of domestic violence, recently, where a spouse seeks an order of protection and whether or NOT it’s granted, it’s still not enough for someone to not only kill their signficant others but children and other family or friends who are in the household or the spare the abused spouse, to cause as much horrific physical and emotional trauma as possible.

And sometimes people are commiting these horrific tragedies with no previous criminal or mental health history.

We are in a new era, that people who are clinically trained medical and mental health professionals and law enforcement and we as a society have to come up with a better way of potentially forecasting these potentially tragedies and educating people on gettting evaluated and treated for their depression and rage issues so it’s not fatal to them or anyone else.

I’d ask though if this is too sensitive of a topic for people, please DO NOT read.

Thanks…
***

I just managed to catch a beyond tragic story on People.com, a few minutes ago.

An Alabama man, after his wife, a 3rd grade teacher filed for divorce, due to his opioid addiction issues, and 9 days after she filed for divorce he shot her and 1 of 3 triplets to death, 2 of the triplets were also shot are in ICU after being able to escape and their 13 year old escaped before the father was able to shoot them and setting his house with the 2 of the dead bodies in it, last weekend.

I’ve probably now wrote at least a dozen blogs on trying to bring awareness on how to prevent domestic murder/suicides.

Again, it bears repeating, I’m NOT a clinically trained professional nor do I have any training in law enforcement or criminal psychology.

But this is what I do know:

Domestic violence has been around for a long time and it’s getting deadlier for a partner to end a relationship than it ever has been.

And even in relationships that domestic violence wasn’t a factor, more people are innocently are being killed, when a relationship ends, than ever before.

Both legal and illegal opioids have been around for a long time but more people are dying due to overdoses and as innocent parties to opioid addiction and abuse because of a loved one’s opioid addiction.

In this instance, it wasn’t released of whether or not that man was legally able to have a firearm.

And in the nature of how he ambushed his family, he still had the rage and kerosene to set his house on fire.

I’m not saying that I don’t believe in some issues regarding gun control.

Because I definitely do.

It’s not that I don’t feel any different with regulating opiates.

As I definitely do about that, as well.

The thing is though, if we don’t find a way for people whether it’s starting when people are young to find a way to constructively work through anger and rage, when feeling rejection, even if we could eradicate both guns and drugs, people would still die from addiction issues and be murdered in a different manner other than with a firearm, because others can’t appropriately process rage and rejection, the addiction in some of these cases, just adds another complication and/or higher risk of escalation of violence and increased risk for fatalities.

If people aren’t afraid of going to prison, due to being violent or possessing or abusing drugs, don’t have the respect for the sanctity of life, either for themselves or someone they are supposed to love, where their rage of a partner’s rejection outweighs them rationally knowing that their loved ones have a right to their lives and peace of mind, an order of protections don’t mean anything, if it’s applicable.

And in a lot of recent cases, orders of protections weren’t applicable.

Because, people who had no criminal history, have killed their families, loved ones, friends and/or peers and then lots of times, themselves when a relationship ends or feeling some kind of rejection romantically or platonically.

Or when feeling rejected in school, their workplaces or their houses of worship.

More initiatives are needed to try and prevent these horrific tragedies.

And they are needed NOW.

And starting these kind of initiatives, when people are young and being constructively educated, lifelong.

Note: I will NOT publish anything that’s not constructive. Thanks….

What it’s like to have lost control in ALMOST everything…

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Disclaimers: This is more of a personal blog in its purpose, than to achieve any kind of activism goal, other than it will reinforce why I do choose to do the activism that I do.

I will discuss things that are very controversial, such as politics, weight issues, addiction, sensitive medical and mental health stuff and I will do so with some profanity.

If ANY of those topics are triggering to ANYONE, please DO NOT read.

Also note, my normal disclaimer still stands because I do talk about topics than can be a matter of life and death, I will always urge those who are in medical or mental health crisis or if you suspect someone is, to get clinically trained professional help in an an acute setting or contact emergency services.

And yeah, I know this is SUPER WORDY, the last quarter of the blog can help people who are collateral damage because of the opioid epidemic or how they respond to pain meds in severe chronic pain situations, so if you want to skip 75% of most of the blog, the last quarter might be able to help others recognize somethings that are critical in patient care of severe chronic pain patients both with disease and/or syndromes, that took me forever to figure out in myself.

Editorial Note: Updating blog 8 days after publishing, to be clear as the title of it, can be misleading. When I talk about loss of control, it’s circumstances being out of the realm of my control, not mental health related. I’m not thrilled at my current circumstances, which is explained in great detail below, but I’m quite mentally stable.

I’m sorry if the title of the blog could be misconstrued for others to think otherwise.

***

It made the news recently and it was a story that made me feel both vindicated AND sad.

It was the news item that the Disney movie “The Incredibles 2” had a medical warning.

While I’m lucky to not have epilepsy (I have migraines as well as 5 fucking other types of headaches, with neuro issues), I am super light and noise sensitive and even a non jarring movie, such as a rom-com, it’s not comfortable for me to watch movies or engage in most entertainment events in public, because I can’t control how my body reacts.

But even while the few people I still see on occasion, it’s hard for them to understand how I can do even less than I did 3 years ago, let alone what I was able to do 13 years ago.

It’s one thing to not be able to work anymore due to disabilities.

But while even most “spoonies” can understand that, it’s less understood how even fun events, ain’t so fun for me.

What made me sad about that news article is I was able to recall seeing very little of the first “Incredibles” movie when it came out.

I took my children to the theater, I still was an active mom, while quite sick then, where I took my 2 year old and my 13 year old to the movies, like many parents do and I spent most of the time chasing my 2 year old in the lobby, cause Zoe just couldn’t sit still and spent most of the time chasing her in the lobby.

I didn’t mind that memory when it happened and I find it so bittersweet, now.

Because it was SO normal.

I can only do very little and sporadically now, with “the trinity of my heart”, that would be my kids and my boyfriend and for example they all love Star Wars, my kids love movies though in general, more so than my boyfriend.

I’d try to explain, that it’s not just a lack of interest in the series that makes me not want to go with them (as I “wiki” the last 2 movies to be able to talk about them, as I can still read) , as I’d appreciate anything to bond with them over, it’s literally a waking physical nightmare to go to a movie like that.

My kids saw that  almost 2 years ago, when my daughter, in her school choir, sang the anthem at a home game for the Timberwolves, I literally buried my head in my hands, I couldn’t stand any part of what it takes to sit through a sports event, especially the noise and the lights.

But this is what the last few years have been like, NEVER thinking when I still think about where I was 10 years ago as a suicidal mother who was about to give up custody of her kids and then give up her life, 9 years ago when I still was stuck in the system and 8 years ago when I was trying to NOT die from my gastric bypass complications.

I didn’t think the status quo for me could be anymore limiting as I have my freedom and a life that’s so bizarrely but not hurtful in any way, that’s so lacking in being 1/100th of the person, let alone the parent I was 15 years ago.

Events in the last 2 years;

2016: Election year, which I knew wasn’t going to go my way, so to speak. The major surprise for me wasn’t on election night, it happened 3 weeks prior, when I found myself with a bedbug infestation that I ended up having to live with for 3 months because another resident 2 floors above me, didn’t report when they originally happened so they spread like bedbugs do, quite quickly when not reported or responded to, right away.

You’d think for someone who’s not Ms. Clean it wouldn’t bother me, but it was awful and horrifying, having to go to bed and live every waking moment in a bedbug infested house, every crevice of my apartment was swarming, it took weeks to get an exterminator and months to get rid of them.

Unfortunately by the time early 2017, by the time I didn’t have them any more, I didn’t have any peace of mind left, that’s the cruel but true reality when you live in affordable housing, in a lower income bracket, but some people have addiction issues that create constant barriers in them appreciating their housing and unfortunately do present a constant threat to others physical and emotional wellbeing and safety.

Because they don’t realize or don’t care about the risks of their freedom or their lives, due the nature of disease and they aren’t aware of how abnormal it is, to at least not try and hide it.

I’m not dissing low income or people with barriers, I’m saying though in a big city, it makes even more challenging to try and provide housing to people who may not show signs that they aren’t meant for living independently due to so many unfortunate for them circumstances that do effect others, adversely, too

2017: I had started using food as a coping mechanism in late 2016, because in addition to losing 1/2 my stuff and my peace of mind due to the events of 2016, eating a lot of carbs (not as much as you’d think, as I’m reversed but not of normal anatomy life I was prior to my gastric bypass). I gained 30 lbs.

But I could still walk. Not without a lot of pain both during and after a walk but meds still helped a little with pain.

Until late Fall of 2017 when I couldn’t walk more than 5 minutes without both back pain and feet pain being unbearable. Instead of being able to get in 5-8 miles a day, 3 to 4 times a week, I can’t risk walking at all because I literally cannot bear the feet and back pain, so I got even more restricted both physically and mentally in what I could do.

The Holiday Season of 2016, and  my birthday fell in (it’s 12-2) was effected because I couldn’t go anywhere because of the bedbugs without taking major precautions, so I was home a lot, even though I could still walk, I also was living in having whatever materials goods I had left of them being, packed.

As I threw out over 1/2 my stuff with the infestation.

Holiday Season of 2017 couldn’t go anywhere because my body was broken and it broke most of the spirit I had left.

I woke up on my birthday, almost 8 months ago, at 1 am, with the fire alarms going off in my building, one of my neighbors above me got in a fight with her boyfriend and set his hoodie on fire, it caused all the sprinklers systems to go off and my apartment was again flooded (I had even a more major flood in 2013, due to resident behavior).

And the result in 2018, is another 30 lbs that I honestly don’t give a fuck about. I just don’t want to gain more weight and I feel helpless ever since I lost the ability to walk effectively for more than 5 minutes and that I can’t go out, unattended due to my severe physical reaction to pain and stimuli, as well as what it’s like to live with people who have barriers and addiction issues who don’t realize the consequences it has on themselves, let alone anyone else.

So I know fully why I turned to food, it’s something I need, that perishes and it’s less likely to be adversely effected by other people’s behaviors, even though the weight gain didn’t effect originally my ability to be active, it does effect my comfort now.

While all those things caused me to lose all hope (except the fucking weight gain that I don’t care about but don’t want to gain anymore weight, because even if I became the most zen person possible, I could gain another 500 lbs and not only would I still not want bariatric surgery, which I still defend, I still probably wouldn’t be eligible, given my unique circumstances with my gastric bypass) , at least personally, I still have purpose and while I’ll explain that in greater detail, as an activist, while you need BOTH hope and purpose to have a shot of a decent life, you have to have at least ONE of  them to mentally STILL have a life, in my case becoming more unrecognizable and way more unpleasant (even though I’m grateful for what is good, such as those I love the most being alive, the little I can do, etc.).

So I have some meaningful purpose still, but not much else.

In 2018, with the opioid epidemic being a true crisis and realizing that I have a strong tolerance to them,  led me to find out something that’s not talk about much and that I think it’s playing into my pain issues, as my current high dose was no longer working and I could understand to an extent, why my physician didn’t want to increase my meds (this is discussed in much greater detail in a previous blog).

As well as other’s issues with chronic pain, drug abuse, addiction, overdose and the criminal and adverse physical and psychological circumstances that most people are touched by when it comes to opioid epidemic.

It’s a medical phenomenon called “Opioid Induced Hyperalgesia”.

What it means in layman’s terms, is that people either become resistant to analgesic effects of pain medications or the opioids themselves make the pain response worse in both patients who have any kind of injury or disease or peripheral pain response is worsened by the use of opiates, so not only if one is tolerant to opiates they don’t work well , they have the double whammy of making their awful horrible pain, even worse.

Again, I’m not a doctor, that’s my interpretation of the clinical of OIH, it’s not to be taken in any other way, then making it clear, in my not clinically trained highly opinionated self, that if a patient thinks a provider has addiction bias in their treatment, they could be clearer in concerns of  prescribing opioids, even as a last resort, because even patients who are terminal, are suffering, as well as the severe chronic pain population due to the OIH phenomenon, as well as that could be the cause in patients who self medicate with an unreasonable amount of opioids that they unfortunately overdose on.

The most shocking thing when I realized that in me, is why I didn’t recognize it sooner, when researching the clinical in opioid tolerance,  I don’t respond well to most medications, in most therapy classes or I can have such polarized different responses in medications the SAME therapy class.

But I’ve always been medically challenging prior to being put on opioids, whether it’s with anesthesia, analgesics  or again, all those other medications.

What makes me madder and more frustrated, is that how did NO physician recognize that in me or the fact it’s so easy to suspect drug abuse or addiction in a patient like me where I’m not known for my compliance but I honestly don’t behave in a manner either, that’s known for in drug abuse or addiction.

But I look at my being, even at the age of 48 being closer to the end of my life (vs. being mid life, again, I’m not suicidal, I think something major is being missed and I now have a notarized DNR that’s clear in no life saving or life extending measures of any kind) , as much as it sucks mentally and physically to realize that I’m going to probably continue to live and die in a horribly painful and even more limiting life manner and how it’s also negatively effected those I love, and how much this fucking sucks, this blog today is about that.

This going forward  though in the future, will be to HELP  others.

And it was it to me the sickest fucking cruelest joke ever personally, is that I could control to an extent even with my gastric bypass complications and mental health issues, was my serotonin  because the ONLY high that I’ve ever experienced was from intense exercise, when I used to work out at an athletic level circa 2004-2007 and could’ve been a great sub-specializing in adaptive and rehabilitative fitness as a CPT, had not all this happen to me, as well as productive mother.

And being able to exercise that way, did make me a better parent before my complications and my circumstances made me be such a crappy one.

So this is where I figuratively stand right now, because literally standing and walking is way too painful most of the time (yes, I am grateful I still have my legs, though)  after my life events and the events of the last 2 years, where I can’t control much around me nor can I control the abnormal physical responses my body has to the most basic of stimuli:

I hope though going forward,  to continue being an activist for a more patient tailored approach to medicine and am appalled that there aren’t more resources for control of pain and resolution of more diseases and syndromes.

And to continue to write about that we as a society have to become more focused on mental health and removing the stigma of it, lifelong, starting when people are young, to help other people get evaluated and treatment for their issues that pose a threat to their lives or others.

Truthfully, it’s highly unlikely that I’m going to win the battles or the wars mentioned directly above, in my lifetime.

But setting at least somewhat of a foundation that can help others, is what I hope my legacy will be.

So please try to harder to understand with empathy, not necessarily me, but people like me, where we’re all trying to do the best we absolutely can, depending on our circumstances.

And as you can see not ONLY do our circumstances vary amongst us, they can quite vary IN us, if my life is to be any example of that.

Note: Again, this was a wordy blog, I get it. I’m looking for constructive dialogue. I’m not looking for any kind of personal  help or advice.

Especially the kind of advice that’s food or fitness related.

And moving unfortunately isn’t an option, unless I win the lottery or figure out a way to make a lot of money with the disability sets that I have.

And in case it’s not evident and crystal clear in this blog, the meme featured is an example of how my life cannot be problem/resolution, and/or “set a goal til it’s completed oriented”.

Personally, professionally and most heartbreaking for me as a parent, is why I can’t be that way any longer.

I get that most people it’s unrelatable, this is for the few who can relate to at least some if it.

And for everyone else who judges because they can’t relate, to maybe make them more apathetic if they can’t be empathetic.

Because hopefully now it makes more sense how I am way more physically and mentally exhausted as a disabled person in a household of one, then I EVER was as a gainfully employed loving single mother of 2 and I needed the extra 2500 words of why, to explain that or why it’s not good to judge things just based upon what you think you see on the surface…

Thanks!!!

Editorial Note: I know the above was so wordy, but what is quite inspiring and gives me purpose as an activist is the life and work of Dr. Paul Kalanithi who wrote “When Breath Becomes Air”. I can’t believe someone who’s being and work can still inspire me as an activist that I thought of when I wrote this blog but failed to mention a the time I published this, even though his life and his work was a partially influential and in importance to this blog being written.

I think anyone who wants to see both the best and most tragic in human nature, but organically so, such as the devastation of cancer, especially in a person who could’ve himself as he had the skill and desire to help humans cure medical tragedies, could be possibly helped, if not being inspired by reading the book.

I guess I look at it, I can’t be like him or his wife, but I think most of us, can do even if it’s a little amount, to try and help someone else, especially if they’re inspired by someone’s legacy, whether it’s a loved one or a complete stranger who’s story inspired or helped you.

Again, I know this was super wordy.

I had to evaluate the benefit of writing this badly versus not writing it at all.

 

An Open Letter to #CNN

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Dear CNN,

As a medically, mentally and cognitively disabled activist, who blogs about mental health issues, especially suicide prevention,  I commend what you’ve done in the last 4 days in trying to make an effort to raise awareness about suicide prevention, as well as I’m saddened and concerned as far as as the issue of suicide contagion, which you’re also discussing.

So many outlets now, in addition to CNN are starting to talk about suicide prevention initiatives without stigma and that’s commendable, too.

Your organization in the last 20+ hours, did a beyond commendable  job in trying to help with suicide prevention, even prior to the passing of Anthony Bourdain, yesterday,  in where you had mental health professionals who discussed openly without stigma on raising suicide awareness prevention, the day before he died.

In addition to that, while trying to provide a safe and supportive  place for not only your employees who are grieving the loss of a beloved co-worker, who was beloved by so many, including anyone who’s life was touched by Anthony Bourdain, even if they may not ever had the privilege to have met him but still felt they knew him, as well as trying to support his grief stricken friends, many who were also established and well respected people who are also famous, by giving them a safe and supportive safe place to talk about their heartbreaking loss.

The one thing I’ve tried to do in my activism, that I do by blogging, is also trying to support families, especially children, who lose a parent, if not parents by suicide.

I also know this, because I was a mother, where almost 10 years ago, I did try to commit suicide.

So I try to remove stigma both personally and as an activist but lack the credentialling that is needed, because I’m not a clinically trained professional and in my case, while I hope to help save lives with honest talk about suicide for those need it or for those who lost loved ones from it, I don’t want to be well known.

But it’s more terrifying for me to think that so many grieving families aren’t as supported as they could be, so it’s worth the risk to potentially lose my privacy and/or anonymity in public.
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And while I love my children more than anything, and in my case I was in both medical and mental health crisis and I didn’t love myself and I thought everyone was better off without me, which when talking so open and honestly has helped others.

And while I’m not trying to make this about me, I only do what I do to help others learn from it and for hopefully to reduce the chances of  what happened to those I love the most, it wasn’t in vain and it has helped other people.

The point I’m trying to make, is with your reach and access to resources, I do hope you in the coming days, address with clinically trained professionals on how we can best support children who’ve lost their parents or other people who’ve lost parents, spouses and other loved ones.

If this was something you planned on doing, I apologize in advance, as well as I hope other media outlets, in addition to now supporting and educating on suicide prevention, will also discuss on how we can support families but in with special regards to children, who are beyond devasted and can’t comprehend that the loss of their parent this way, in absolutely NO way, reflects the abundance of love of those who they leave behind but they can’t understand without more support services and without our society destigmatizing suicide and other mental health issues that are fatal to people.

As well as reduce the risk that for some families, sadly this can become a history that tragically sometimes repeats itself, if not comprehensively addressed with professional guidelines, we’ve already seen that in the past, with some celebrity suicides.

So hopefully you will choose or already have planned on having mental health professionals discuss on your network, of  how to support families and friends  that have to go through these tragedies, and by doing  this will start a desperately needed dialogue that has to go hand in hand with suicide prevention initiatives.

Respectfully, Lisa

An Open Letter to Val Kilmer…

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Yo Val,

I usually live my life, according to quote, pictured above.

I felt bad when I heard you had throat cancer.

And I’m happy for you, that you’re in remission.

I’ve never talked about you or thought over the years, cause I have kind of an actual personal reason to dislike you, that extends beyond the fact you were like the fucking WORST Batman, like ever.

Instead of trying to make comments regarding a certain celebrity, who just sadly passed on Friday, June 8th, 2018, that DOES NOT help anyone, just PLEASE shut the fuck up, ok?

And ya wanna know why I know you can be a complete asshole???

23 years ago, I used to work for a company that was subcontracted by BA, where we managed their frequent flyer program.

And so 23 years ago, I went to work, UNPAID and off the clock, cause you were making your personal assistant, absolutely MISERABLE, over a few thousand frequent flyer miles, that YOU failed to properly claim.

So instead of disrespecting someone who just died and their loved ones, friends and fans, maybe just worry about not being a dick to people in your own circle, OK?

You wanna help people???

Maybe try doing activism for throat cancer prevention.

But with like Batman movies AND suicide prevention, you kinda suck at it.

So fucking knock it off, OK?

Respectfully, ME and 90% of the universe…

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