What every new mom or any mom NEVER needs after pregnancy or childbirth, but especially after #HyperemesisGravidarum …
Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, if you or someone you know is in crisis, please seek immediate professional help.
Also if profanity ridden rants, even to achieve an activism goal aren’t your style or if you can’t have children, you may not want to read this. Thanks!!!
What the FUCK is wrong with people???
Especially a certain population of people (well, in all fairness, in all communities now, they exist) people who can’t for some reason give unwanted advice that no one ever fucking asked for.
In this case, I’m talking to da Mommy Shamers/Bullyers.
Also in this case, I’m talking about moms with smartphones who’ve lost their fucking minds, in mean herd mentality , when Amy Schumer did a comedy show yesterday, a little over 2 weeks after giving birth to her first child.
The only thing I have in common with Amy Schumer, is that I’m Jewish, born in New York and had Hyperemesis Gravidarum in my pregnancies with my children, which is oddly the only thing I have in common with MY own mother, who is a much better person and parent than I was.
This is the deal of why I’m stepping into a fucking stupid fight that NO ONE invited me to.
Bullying and shaming can hurt people terribly.
It may not hurt Amy Schumer, it may not hurt me any longer, only because I learned after living most of my life being bullied from preschool to the present time, I don’t give a fuck what other people think of me.
Especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, if they don’t know me and they don’t have my best interests or that of my children, in mind.
And my children are old enough to let me know the rare times they get mad at me, to either by saying exactly what they don’t like about me and what they have to say or my parents, to me, is the only comments that will ever matter.
But, on the off chance you hurt another mother, who’s trying to navigate after a horrible scary pregnancy and into new motherhood, whether it be her first kid or her fifteenth, here are some things you may want to take into consideration before you open your mouth or type something completely not needed into the internet.
Here is the insight of my pregnancies with my children, as a single never married JEWISH mother with Hyperemesis Gravidarum who worked full time:
HRH Zachary Aaron, age 26 1/2: Worked full time during customer service at a home shopping channel that rhymes with UBD. Was about a size 20 at the time of pregnancy. My co-workers who were female and had to hear me barf my guts out during the day at work in the bathroom knew how bad it was. Others figured it out by the PICC line that I didn’t try hiding in my 2nd trimester when it was summer and I wore short sleeves (like how dare I, with the ugly fat arms and all, right?)
Had one hospitalization in my first trimester, then I got my PICC and had a home health nurse at night every other day help me and was taught how to maintain the line when I had unhook it, to try and attempt to go to work.
By the time I gave birth to him, which by then the doctor who delivered him was convinced I was going defy medical science and barf him up in my 25th hour of labor, in a 2 week period of time, I moved out of my apartment, into with my VERY Jewish parents, got laid off of my job and had a baby.
I went to see people, as about a week after I had Zach, there was a get together of employees as we were laid off suddenly, they were looking at me, like they were expecting me to be THIN. I hadn’t gained any weight during my pregnancy, but I was pregnant, I didn’t have a fucking gastric bypass and have a baby, like I did with my 2nd and youngest child.
So that brings up pregnancy #2 with HRH Zoe Arielle age 16: I’m honestly NOT complaining ANYWHERE about my own circumstances or about my children, in this rant.
I got pregnant with both of my kids who I’ve always referred to as surprise blessings, they were never a mistake with bc issues (I guess in addition to having Hyperemesis like my Mom did, I absolutely fucking HATE talking about sex on the internet, possibly due to the fact I have both parents and children on here) failing.
But, I knew how scary and physically demanding a pregnancy was, WITHOUT fucking having a newly surgically altered digestive system, as I got pregnant with Zoe, 6 1/2 months after my gastric bypass.
By then, I also was working for a different company, a fucking evil health insurance company that rhymes with Benited Wealthmare. They had already tried to fire me, when trying to have my gastric bypass. I knew a problematic pregnancy in multiple ways would be hard on me, the baby and my son, who wasn’t thrilled at the age of 9 of getting a sibling, he had stopped asking for one, around the age of 2.
I was about a size 9/10 when I got pregnant with Zoe. I had to work, as I already had one child to support, while I actively sought medical care, it was harder to take time off for pregnancy complications and my employer wasn’t great about letting me throw up in the bathroom, either.
It took an epic battle in my 3rd trimester to get more medical appointments without risk of losing employment or my baby and to be able on doctor’s orders to start my maternity leave a week early and take the full 3 months and be able to return, with a longer lunch hour so I could go visit my daughter at her daycare to try and nurse her, which I would make up for starting early.
I also with Zoe when going into labor, she was already in fetal distress when I arrived at the hospital and then I went into anaphylactic shock with my 4th epidural and both Zoe and I nearly died.
Being a completely moron on how I went into labor with Zoe, I left my windows open as it was a fairly warm day in March. In fucking Minnesota. By the time we got discharged 36 hours later, my daughter went to my parents house, during the day, who lived a mile away from now what would be Zach, Zoe and I, I went home, closed windows, turned heat way up and because I didn’t gain any weight with Zoe either, was able to fit into my fitted clothes again and my chest region was huge.
It was actually easier to nurse Zoe than it was to nurse Zach, who I had to combine both nursing and bottles and I did that right from the start with Zoe, because I didn’t want her to lose weight, as it’s IMNSHO a FED baby is best.
Formula or breast milk, you do what’s best for you and your baby and I didn’t want a baby who couldn’t adapt to feeding either way.
But holy moly, I was fairly thin for me (which I would get even thinner and then fatter without being able to eat anything both before and after gastric bypass reversal).
Especially if people saw me for the first time, after I had Zoe but before I had a gastric bypass.
While I wouldn’t (nor would any physician or surgeon) recommend getting pregnant so soon after bariatric surgery, the one thing it taught me, was that my weight was my own business.
And that I fucking absolutely hated any, all and pretty much ONLY comments about my body and my massive weight loss (and weight gain, repeat over and over again,16 years later).
Especially if my beautiful new baby and my handsome 10 year old were around.
But, if petty people would be gobsmacked because I actually lost a lot of weight, even though I had another risky pregnancy with a 2nd child, and due to another miracle, was completely healthy (and super cute and an easy baby!!!) by all means that doesn’t mean, I didn’t get a perverse satisfaction due to their pettiness.
Not to mention within a year of her birth, my complications were getting bad and while I knew we were going to get laid off in 2 months, because I had my 1st gastric bypass complication hospitalization, a few days after Zoe’s first birthday, they tried to fire me, when I returned to work, I threatened to sue and now I can say I got laid off from “Benited Wealthmare”, too, even though I’m not eligible for rehire (like I’d ever consider it.. fuck them)…
So this is my wordy ranty warning to people, if you think you are better person and better mother than I was, maybe you are.
But, bullying another mom, thinking they are indebted for your fucking unasked parenting wisdom and genius, in the digital era, thrown in with any kind of snark of what a new or old mom, or anyone, looks like or does, if it doesn’t effect you or an innocent being, is really none of your fucking business.
And certainly not for you to judge.
Amy Schumer can most certainly defend herself and her provide more than most of us can, for her new baby.
As well as I’m sure her husband is an excellent father, too.
She doesn’t need me fucking defending her.
But on the off chance the Mommy Bullying Squad does this to another mother, who can’t identify why they’re feeling bad, or they know they are in some kind of crisis that doesn’t look or isn’t pretty on the inside or outside, but doesn’t want or isn’t able to say how bad they are feeling due to stigma and it has great consequences for a parent and possibly their children, you don’t want that on you.
Because shaming is hate, in any form, on the internet and off the internet and it potentially has horrible if not fatal consequences on others.
And I couldn’t just say that in a Tweet or without a lot of words, as a non monetized blogger who tries to help other parents in crisis not make the same mistakes I did.
There’s only a few words that should be acceptable when any women has a baby.
It’s either “Congratulations” or “or if you need any support or advice, I’m available”.
That’s it. Nothing else is helpful or necessary.
Oh, and if Amy Schumer wants to adopt this obviously adorable and charming 49 year old who has a ton of medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities, but otherwise is tons of fun ,as an older sister, I’m game.
Note: Nothing that isn’t constructive to another human will be published. Don’t waste my time or yours, ok. Thanks!!!