It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘mental and emotional health and wellness’ Category

UNFORGIVABLE FOOD FAUX PAS!!!

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Disclaimers: There IS a medical foundation in this blog, so it bears mentioning that if one is in crisis medically, PLEASE contact 911 or emergency services in your area.

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I don’t like surprises, like of ANY kind.

In my top 3 though, of surprises that I HATE, has to do with food.

So I’m reading my local news today and catch actually, an older article on a local couple who were suing their wedding vendors, because they wanted to surprise their guests with an all vegan meal but not reveal that it was vegan, until the end of the reception, last Spring.

Apparently not only did it taste terrible and not well made but some of the workers at the wedding, did actually admit prior to the meal being over, that the wedding was vegan mandated in accordance to the wishes of the bride.

I will defend until the day I  DIE, people having any kind of food beliefs for any reason.

FOR THEMSELVES!!!

One may want to eat a certain way for religious, spiritual, health and/or any other reason and one is a somewhat rationally minded adult (I’m not  talking in regards to people who have Pica, etc and NOT talking about parents with their OWN children who don’t like feeding them sugar, GMOs etc).

And that’s great, as it’s your body, your business, your life.

DO NOT EVER though, “surprise” anyone with one’s food philosophy, like NEVER EVER DO THAT!!!

And because where people have different types of adverse reactions to different foods, sometimes deadly allergies, and they don’t have a certain kind of dietary philosophy and trying to surprise someone with that, could end their life, if not cause unnecessary medical, physical and/or emotional distress.

It’s ironic as I was already going to write a blog of this nature, I was with a friend a couple of days ago and we were talking about our own wacky biological makeups.

She went into FULL anaphylactic shock, when eating a sample food, that had a small amount of an ingredient at a big box store, before she knew she was allergic to it.

While the pharmacy on site, gave her epinephrine, it DID NOT work, because she was on a beta blocker.

In my case, because I haven’t wanted to get tested and can’t get an epi-pen without it, I just ALWAYS carry around a full box of diphenhydramine (don’t ever do what I do, I’m a moron about not getting allergy tested, as well as taking 2 dozen of diphenhydramine which I tolerate okay but someone else could overdose) because sometimes different foods trigger a “glass shard” feeling in my throat.

And while I’ve been in full anaphylactic shock, due to a medication reaction, that was when I was  in labor with my youngest and I was in a hospital full of physicians when that happened and it STILL was terrifying.

It’s NEVER okay, for ANY reason to surprise people when it comes to ANYTHING they are ingesting and it could ACTUALLY be DEADLY, even if an epi-pen is available, if someone is on anti-arrhytmics, MAO inhibitors and/or beta blockers, as well as other medications in other therapy classes can render Epinephrine less effective.

As well if it’s not potentially deadly, it can be  illegal, such as people who make food items with marijuana or other substances, even if they don’t have intention to do harm.

But even if a food item or any ingredient in a food dish, isn’t deadly to a person, people have a right to know what they’re being served when it comes to ANY food someone is serving them, ALWAYS.

Note: I will only publish constructive feedback. And again, this is about serving unknown/undisclosed foods to people where one may NOT know their food allergies and/or just want to unduly influence someone’s way of eating because they feel they’re eating philosophy is superior to someone else’s.

I’m NOT  talking about parents who sneak in vegetables in their own kids smoothies, etc.  Thanks!!!

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When “our doves” die- An honest human discussion about living and sometimes dying from addiction… #stigmakills

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(for my international readers http://www.befrienders.org)

*Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained or credentialed medical or mental health professional, nor am I am a professionally trained in matters of law enforcement or public safety. I will ALWAYS encourage people in crisis to seek acute professional help in an appropriate setting or if necessary, contact emergency services.

(There also will be profanity, in this blog and honest talk about living and dying from addiction and the human predilection for addiction, if that’s offensive, PLEASE don’t read) *

I won’t BACK down!!!

Shit, wrong artist!!!

NO, I’m not being glib.

On this second anniversary of Prince’s death, where initially, I had a fear that I didn’t want Prince to be the poster child for accidental illegal drug overdose, I decided it was more important as an activist to make sure he didn’t die in vain.

It was driven home more, when Tom Petty died under similar circumstances, involving the drug Fentanyl last year, as well as other famous beloved people, as well as those of us who lose loved ones in death or in the depths of despair due to drug addiction, every year.

I’ve gone on record, so to speak, in past blogs in greater detail, that I think Fentanyl is a fucking EVIL drug.

Heroin is, too.

But any substance or entity that can cause addictive behaviors in humans that ruin their lives, if not end them, can be considered “evil”, to at least someone.

I tried before starting this blog, to find a “quote meme” that would do addiction “justice” on this 2nd anniversary of Prince’s death and for anyone who could relate.

I defaulted to above “meme” only because I figured I’d be better serving my readers, resources, as well as trying to be a part of the dialogue on honest talk about addiction.

I have addiction issues and an addictive personality.

I ONLY escaped drug addiction, due to the either horrific side effects of them or because I metabolize other drugs (prescription and/or not illegal) so quickly, that it’s difficult physiologically to build up an addiction to them.

I’m only injecting my personal issues with addiction, as this is a blog, it’s not an article and it’s not something that would be too helpful for me to go on in more detail, like I have in previous blogs about my own personal demons, which I have.

But it would be disingenous to write a blog about addiction in others, without disclosing my own issues, at least acknowledging that they most definitely exist.

Living in the hometown of Prince, there is a celebration of his life this weekend, on this 2nd anniversary of his death and I get why for all of those who loved him and his music, of why that’s so important to take place.

But if I’m going to be honest, even though I’m not a super fan, as much as I know about addiction and human strengths and human frailities, there’s a part of me that’s SO angry, that he’s gone.

As well as now, Tom Petty, like I said before.

Or my friend “N” who died almost 6 years ago, when in medical crisis, she developed an addiction after being on IV narcs due to extended hospitalizations and ended up with a heroin addiction, that NO ONE knew about, until she accidently overdosed from a bad batch of Heroin.

I consider myself “lucky” to a certain extent, as much as anyone who suffers and has to deal day to day with severe persistent mental health issues and intractable severe widespread and localized physical pain, that drugs never became a crisis situation for me, either living with a drug addiction or nearly dying from one, other than my suicide attempt almost 10 years ago, where I tried to intentionally overdose on prescribed narcotics for me.

But I think of Prince or my friend N and they died before they could see so many things, as locals to Minneapolis, as well as anyone who loses loved ones due to addiction.

As far as Prince, he missed U.S Bank Stadium being finally completed, he missed  “52”!!!

I don’t think and I’m not trying to come of self serving, that I don’t get as mad about the genius of him and his ability to create music that we could related to, being cut so short, as much as I get angry and sad, about his right to would’ve been to live his life, that was cut short, due to the depth of an addiction, that really NO ONE could’ve said, could’ve been avoided.

What exactly do I mean by that???

Because most people if they don’t have severe chronic pain OR they are afraid of using any kind of opiate or strong presciption pain medication or wouldn’t think of using any kind of street drug, have NO idea of what it’s like to not only be a slave to addiction, but to be in so much pain physically, that it alone becomes soul crushing and then you add addiction to a substance/s on top of it.

What’s exactly the answer to this then, with addiction to drugs or anything else, that ruins people’s lives, if NOT, actually ENDS them???

Because while people can try to legislate any substance or anything that can be abused or cause a fatality/fatalities, a wise blogger once said (ME!!!) that “You CANNOT legislate addiction, AWAY”.

Not everything that causes addiction in one person, will cause addiction in another.

I can’t say what the cure or the answer is to addiction of drugs (prescription or illegal) or any kind of addiction that ruins lives, if not ends them.

What’s in the root of addiction and what the recovery of what one’s person’s addiction will look like, will vary being as unique, as we all are.

But we have to acknowledge that most humans are addicted to something and try to find different alternative approaches to prevention, evaluation and treatment of addictions.

That CANNOT happen though, with moral judgements and/or stigma.

Note: Constructive feedback, ONLY, please. Thanks!!!

 

 

At one time, a family of 8, but in the end, a family completely wiped out #hartfamily …

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Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical, mental health or credientialed in public safety, law enforcement and in social services.

The ONLY reason why I keep writing these blogs about domestic murder/suicides is that they keep happening and there is NO specific initiative in place. I found one murder/suicide initiative that was started 20 years ago, but it was only in respect to female partners being killed by their male partner.

I don’t know how many more people have to innocently die, especially when whole entire immediate families are dying this way, without more initiatives in place for prevention and/or rehabilitation.

I ask respectfully though, I do these blogs, where my immediate family knows somewhat of why I keep doing this, but they are really private people and in hopes of making sense and there being a greater purpose that we went through wasn’t in vain.

But an activist/blogger who purposely doesn’t want a lot of attention and is disabled, I’m limited on what I can do. I hope those who have more resources or stories of where they were in crisis but got help before irreversible tragedy happened or clinical trained professionals in abnormal psychology, can speak up on ideas, if it’s possible for prevention.

I will say my normal disclaimer, if you or someone you love, is in DANGER of hurting themselves or others, please seek immediate acute help by calling 911 (or because I’m read outside of the U.S and North America emergency services in your area or looking up http://www.befrienders.org) immediately.

Editorial Note: This majority of this  blog was written on 3/29/2018, I hesitated in publishing it under the assumption that it was a domestic murder/suicide, even though it had the signs of one until more data was released, that I just caught today. It was unclear at the time of publishing due to conflicting news, of where it is possible that there were 3 surviving children, it still doesn’t change the nature or the point I’m trying to make in the blog, it’s still beyond tragic.

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I had just noticed the story, yesterday. Where a family of 8, where they had MN roots like I do, but were living on the West Coast, that the 2 parents and 3 of their children, their bodies earlier this week were found, after their vehicle had gone off a road into the Pacific Ocean.

Because the family had 3 other siblings, it’s now being suspected they died, as well, even though their bodies haven’t been found yet.

There has been talk because the mothers had a recent child neglect/abuse claim against them, if that was the motive, possibly, of their deaths.

When family and friends of the victims were interviewed, they were noted to be nice people who were activists for positive change, even though some of their neighbors found some of the behaviors in the parents questionable, as far as the children not being taken care of properly.

None of the above am I making any judgement nor at the same time, excusing.

While I remember the good mother I was 20 years ago, I also remember the neglectful mother I became a little over 10 years ago, when in medical and mental health crisis.

While I’ve written many blogs about that period of time, in hopes to remove stigma, I’ve written many more blogs about domestic murder/suicide that involve children, there is one topic that I have NOT brought up when it comes to these horrific tragedies, that I do have to wonder, if it places apart, even though I don’t and will NEVER understand it.

I remember when I was that shamefilled terrified mother of 2, worried about the possibility of my children being taken away, while I somewhat was aware of the fact, that my parents or sisters would never let that happen, I also was terrified if something should happen where my kids would be taken away and be put in a system, where they be physically assaulted or raped.

I knew after having a past history of doing both volunteer work in a battered woman’s shelter and also facilitating a single parent support group, that is hard working as our Department of Human Services staff are, they are extremely overworked, underpaid and underappreciated.

That hasn’t changed since 1988/89 when I was a volunteer at that battered woman’s shelter, in 1998 when I worked as a single parent faciliator of a support group with my local YMCA (when one is considered a mandated reporter, just like I consider myself now, being such a serious activist but responding to personal queries for medical/mh help) and it was the same when I found myself 10 years later, with my own CPS and APS case in 2007 for hoarding and a brief one, post suicide attempt in 2008, where I didn’t fight where my children were going to be, only fought my potentially being committed.

Although my CPS worker in 2007 did see that there was love in my home and my kids’s basic needs were being met and she met with me weekly for months prior to my case being discharged, as well as I was ordered to be in therapy and that manditory cleanup, which she helped participate in.

It’s not for me to second guess that the kids were NOT immediately removed from their home.

If parents seem loving but are struggling, the last thing DHS/CPS  (or any similar agency in one’s locale) is rip kids from a loving home, even if it is unstable and sometimes doing that can be more traumatic for a child and/or children than leaving them with their parents.

The point I’m trying to make and unfortunately we may never know in these circumstances of why this family was wiped out or in other cases where it seemed like loving parents that I’ve wrote about (or even families that I haven’t) take out their entire family including children, is maybe due to some kind of HORRIBLY misguided sense of LOVE.

I can’t even try to wrap my head around that, though.

I can understand where people feel so trapped that sometimes and I’m choosing my words, very, very, very carefully, that suicide can not only feel like it’s the only choice that someone can make for themselves, it’s not necessarily hate based but out of compassion for one’s self, depending on their degree of suffering.

But ending someone elses life, ever or especially in a case, where it’s one’s child or partner, I don’t understand that and am only trying to, identify potential motives in these tragedies,  to be a better activist in the name of prevention of these horrible tragedies that keep happening over and over again.

If I had a chance where I’d have the opportunity, which I will NOW, as far as this blog being written, I’d beg someone to get serious help before hurting themselves and others, let alone killing them.

I’d beg them to see that even in our worst trying times, things can get better, even if it may take a long time, but that no one has the right to take the peace of mind or to take the right of life FOR  someone else.

I don’t see in this case, unless it comes out that the parents involved talked to someone else about the problems and or concern of what the tragic end outcome was in this case, that it could’ve necessarily been prevented.

But for a family that adopted children in hopes to give them a better life, as well as the good things they did throughout their lives (which unfortunately ultimately doesn’t matter, if one or both parents were responsible in the deaths of their children) and for their lives, ultimately, to end in the worst way possible,

I hope this can start a dialogue and a movement for prevention and rehabilitation initiatives, so that this ENTIRE family, like families before them, didn’t die in vain.

It just goes beyond the scope of my comprehension of any one human beings last memory of being murdered, but especially by someone who they love more than anything.

And that’s probably why I won’t stop blogging about this, until major initiatives are in place, for prevention of these horrific tragedies, happening over and over again.

Note: Please, only constructive feedback is wanted. I honestly wish I had more resources at my disposal to do more in prevention than blogging about it. Thanks!!!

What are you DOING when NO ONE is looking???

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Disclaimers: While this blog is both a combination personal blog, as well as to achieve some activism type of goals, when it comes to medical, mental health and public safety, I will ALWAYS implore people, when in crisis, to seek clinically trained professional help if they are or they suspect someone else is in crisis, immediately and or call 911 (because 1/2 my readers are outside of the U.S./North America, and/or Emergency Services in one’s country of residence). Thanks.

OR, may I ask, with NO expection of an answer to me, what are you actually THINKING, when NO ONE else is looking?

Because it matters.

A LOT.

In my case,  and it will be also a topic for another blog, as far as it applies to social media and my loathing and fear of social media.

In my case, what I do and what I think, is usually done in the privacy of my own home.

My blogs from the last month, whether they talked about people in crisis of all different types, where most of my blogs were concentrated on those who’s thinking and actions, lead to fatalities, in innocent others.

Also a few of my blogs of last month, were in regards to Superbowl 52, which was exactly a month ago, that occured 4 1/2 blocks from where I live.

It feels like both yesterday and 100 years ago, that Superbowl 52, took place, which I didn’t care for, because I was afraid of something bad happening and I don’t like being in the spotlight in any way or any kind of attention, which meant for the 2 weeks around Superbowl Sunday, I became super reclusive, even for me, in the era of smartphone cameras, as well as global networks being in my neighborhood.

As well as the tragic massacre in Parkland, Florida that happened, 10 days later.

Unfortunately, but so gratefully, I’m lucky that if I don’t feel well, I don’t have to do anything.

And when I feel my worst medically and mentally, not only do I have to not  do anything, just try to deal with my medical and emotional pain, I don’t do anything else, even though that my medical and mental emotional pain is only a hindrance to myself, even though I usually respond to various help queries, everyday.

I realize that most people, don’t have the luxury of both time and privacy, that I have.

The last major BEST decision though, I made for myself, is to disengage, as much as possible,  from social media.

Without quitting it completely.

And in my case, I’ve never felt that I’m in competition with ANYONE, which I think social media drives.

But in my case, social media, for how I used it, would be a really bad and sad reminder of my failures compared to my FORMER self, which is the only competition I put on myself and fail miserably,  of how functional and productive I used to be, prior to the last 11-12 years of my life, which is now a quarter of my life, now that I’m 48 years old.

Most people, the few of them that I encounter, are  kind of surprised of what I’ve chosen to do with this little life that I have.

Lots of times, I don’t feel well enough to go anywhere or do much, but possess a strange skill set and a desire to help people in medical and/or mental health crisis (with the urging they have to be under the care of clinically trained professionals, which I’m not) and that I’m kinda good at it, with obvious boundaries for myself and others, for what I’m willing and capable of doing, in the areas I do activism for, and where I help people when they email me for help.

It takes a lot of unnecessary pressure off, when people focus to do things, with an absence of social media, either to NOT  be motivated by it, in attempts to NOT  be an influencer and to NOTto have it as a default distraction.

Even if someone makes a living off of social media, no one needs to make their complete lives on it.

When I tell other clinical professionals who I don’t know, in the medical and/or mental health realm what I do or ask what I can do better when I run across them, in my advocacy, I do find that most of the time, my inability to be influenced by social media and/or let anyone influence me, in any way, that what I don’t do or do and/or what I do say and or don’t say, is driven soley by myself, they find the most challenging thing in dealing with me.

WHY, though???

I’m hardly an admirable person, by any account.

I’m not looking to be, nor am I someone to be looked up to.

But I’m not someone to be feared, either.

I know how my disabilities can be of a negative effect on me and/or when provoked, makes me mean to others, which is all I’m capable of.

I’ve made some AWFUL decisions, which I still can do stupid things on occasion but am honest, but I also I make a lot of good ones, in hoping to do the right thing.

When NO ONE is looking.

I don’t understand though, as I don’t judge others who find that the various social media platforms, DO  have a strong influence on how they conduct their lives.

It just DOES NOT for me.

It can’t.

I came into having medical, mental health and cognitive defects by various complex organic, circumstancial and environmental reasons.

I don’t need and it would be a disaster for me and I do believe it does hinder other’s health and wellbeing, being so emotionally, mentally and cognitively dependent on all the things that go along with having a social media and technology driven society, now a days.

It’s not like we can go back in time and change the technologies outcomes both good and bad.

But it’s not too late, to make more of what’s on social media, that does a greater good for people, that doesn’t effect desired financial outcomes, which not all of it is bad, other than the intentional addiction seeking behavior of some technical products and services.

But these are the following the questions, that people have to ask themselves, given the fact that even people, who have done so much good in their lives, are ending their lives and others lives, both intentionally and maliciously or not,  or they interfere in multiple ways, for others right to the sanctity of life, with peace of mind, in the worst ways possible.

So here it goes:

What are you doing and thinking, that could be hurtful to oneself or others, that might have a foundation in a social media driven society and what can you do, to make it less harmful for yourselves and other people?

Can you ask for genuine help and get it, from clinical medical health and mental professionals, as well as families and/or peers when in distress or crisis?

And if you can’t or choose NOT to get any kind of help, how does that adversely and/or can you positively change the outcome of your own thought processes so it doesn’t lead to negative action on oneself or another, all the time, some of the time and on rare occasions?

Asking and knowing why, it makes the difference of why it matters, of the dependence in thinking of others knowing what you say, do and what you look like when you do them, due to our social media driven society and knowing what’s good about it and what is even unintentionally harmful to self or others, in this day and age.

There is NO ego with this blog.

I’m the first one to admit, I have way more questions than valid helpful answers, in trying to help those in crisis, not hurt themselves or others.

All I’m trying to do with my own disabilities, bad choices and my own flaws and as well as the few strengths that I have, is to help myself and to help others, in things that matter the most, in what I’m able to so little but try to contribute somehow, positively.

No one has to answer the above questions out loud, to me or another, unless someone is a danger to themselves or others, which will require acute professional help.

But the questions asked above are worthy of asking yourself and evaluating, of how, what, where and why, you think of  yourself and others, when they’re not looking, in good ways and bad.

Or the when and why, you’re actually driven to make or want  them to look at what you’re doing and saying and how you look, when you’re doing that.

Note: I’m all for constructive feedback, which can be a difference of opinion, as long as it’s shared respectfully. Thanks!!!

When one’s peace of mind goes up in smoke, like literally…

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“The task of this activist is to bring attention to the fragility of human beings and their behavior that can cause harm, to try and to center consciousness about it, for prevention and healing” -Me 2-9-2018

Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically or credentialed professional in matters of medical, mental health, law enforcement and public safety.

If you or someone else, is at risk for engaging in behaviors that could hurt oneself or another, please seek immediate treatment by a professional or call 911.

Dammit!!!

I don’t feel very good (I never do) but really hadn’t planned on blogging today. The need for the blog that I wrote yesterday, about domestic murder/suicide, took a lot out of me, when I already was feeling poorly, physically.

It doesn’t help that I feel the need, as someone who has diagnosed mental health issues, that if someone asks me how I am, that if I’m not feeling good or if I’m upset about something, I have to qualify that, by saying “well I don’t feel the greatest, so while I’m not feeling okay, I AM stable and not a danger to others” or something like that.

But as much as I resent that personally, given how people are snapping, I get why it’s necessary, to ask the question and that’s why this blog is being written.

I was watching the local news though, this morning, and happened to catch a story about a fire that happened in apartment complex about a 1/4 mile where I used to live with my son from 1997 to 2002, in Plymouth, MN, which is a nice suburb of Minneapolis and I spent most of my adult life living in multiple dwelling units (this WILL have relevance of the point I’m trying to make, as an activist) and that a man died, and the building was damaged, but other than one other person being seriously injured, who was in that unit where the fire originated, others got out safely.

HOWEVER…

The man who did end up dying in the fire, started a fire on purpose.

I can’t follow everything that happens in the news, if I’ve though managed to catch in just Hennepin County (where Plymouth and the city of Minneapolis, which I currently reside in) ALL the attempts where arson was used to hurt someone, whether it be themselves or others.

I wrote a blog a few months ago, about a man who tried to set a building on fire, because he wanted to kill everyone in that apartment building and someone innocently died, as a result of his attempt to flee, when jumping out of his window to escape.

I also wrote a blog, a few days ago, about a fire that happened on my birthday in December of 2017, in my own my apartment building, when a neighbor who lived 2 floors directly above me, when a lady got mad at her boyfriend and set his hoodie (that he was wearing) on fire. While that unit got damaged due to fire, smoke and water, so did other units in my building, including my own, had water damage from the sprinkler system, as well as other parts of my building, but no one was hurt.

I pulled that blog about the fire in my building, because truthfully, I was afraid of giving the wrong impression, that people would be under the belief, that all  people in need of affordable and/or low income housing are NOT stable, and it wasn’t an impression that I wanted to give, as an activist for affordable housing and the homeless, as well as someone who benefits from affordable housing.

As well as I know that’s not true, that people can be in need of affordable housing and be great tenants, which there are many, in my apartment building, as well as other affordable housing, not just locally but nationally.

The reason I felt compelled to write this blog is complex and multi-fold.

We live in a society that now  fears those who are diagnosed with mental health issues but we aren’t equipped to handle the devastating consequences to human life and property for those who aren’t diagnosed and are just appear to be “snapping”.

And it just seems people, because of when bad scary things happen, try to pretend it isn’t happening or it won’t happen again and/or it won’t happen to them, it gives them a false sense of security, that really no one can benefit from and it can result in fatalities and extensive damage and/or loss to property, in these cases, it’s people’s HOMES, as well as their LIVES, that I’m talking about, here.

That’s why having an non judgmental dialogue on mental health,  where in these instances, people can SUDDENLY become violent or act in a manner that hurts others, has no boundaries, within respect to socio-economics, gender, race, political and religious beliefs, is is vitally necessary and so important, right now.

I remember when I lived in Plymouth and my son was in Cub Scouts of touring the Plymouth Fire Department, as well as the Plymouth Police Department. And how grateful I was to live in a nice city, with caring first responders (which I still feel the same way about first responders, a million times more though, now that I live in Downtown Minneapolis)

Why I can’t do things like that anymore, for my kids, is one of the reasons why I blog, in hopes that helps other people, as while what we went through with my own disabilities, as humiliating as it is for me, and it had out repercussions for everyone I love the most, it wasn’t violent and all of us are around to still  talk about.

But I think of people who have devastating outcomes due to other’s mental health issues that can’t or won’t talk about it.

So what I’m trying to accomplish, as an activist, is to start a conversation for those who are in danger of hurting  themselves and/or  others and URGING  them to get HELP. That using arson, as means of suicide and or a domestic murder/suicide, has multiple victims and the potential for multiple fatalities, that there isn’t anything noble about using arson and that people, even if mentally compromised, they should know there is help out there before they do that.

I’m also trying to start a dialogue or tell people who’ve had to live through an intentionally set fire, that hopefully working with your landlord, can help start initiatives in your communities, so you don’t have to go through this again.

As well as I’m trying to start a dialogue about unintentional but potential murder/suicides that could’ve happened, in the fire that happened last night.

As well as to tell survivors and or family, friends and people who experiences this, that they aren’t alone. There is support, as well as it can be empowering to share your stories, that by doing that can be life changing and life saving for others, as well as for oneself, which is what I’ve experienced, since becoming an activist and blogger.

We have to start somewhere though, in dispelling stigma, so that people when they can’t speak for themselves, have ingrained in them, to not act in a manner that is not only harmful to them, but has irrevocable horrible consequences on so many people and so many resources.

Humans aren’t infallible, I’m certainly not, no one else is, though.

Talking about this in a constructive open way, where something is gained, hopefully in initiatives and support can only help people and reduce the chances of this happening over and over again.

Note: I’m open to constructive feedback. Please, no negative comments. Thanks.

Just HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE are going to have to die, this way???

 

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Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically and/or credentially trained professional in medical or mental health or in law enforcement.

IF someone you know, is in crisis, please seek immediate help right away, by contacting 911.

I just managed to catch an article on People.com, a few minutes ago.

Sadly, a young mother, who volunteered in her church, who had a Masters in Social Work, was shot to death on Friday, in St. Louis.

Well, let me elaborate more on this, the little information that’s out there.

She shot herself to death, after shooting to death, her husband and 3 month old baby, in a horrific tragedy that’s being blamed on her having postpartum depression.

But before I go any further, and again, I’m NOT a clinically trained professional of any kind, there needs to be a clarification between Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Psychosis, which I’d think her circumstances, would fall in line with  the latter that gets less attention, due to stigma, as far as the sufferers getting help for it.

There’s no laying blame in the shooter in this horrific tragedy, in this blog.

Other than, that there are so many domestic murder/suicides, I just don’t know why there isn’t more initiatives in place for rehabilitation and prevention.

This is a horrific topic that I’m sure my readers are sick of me, blogging about.

But sadly, it’s something that I can’t NOT keep talking about, NOR can any of us become numb or apathetic, just because we might not know anyone who’s died from a domestic homicide/suicide.

YET.

However, at the rate these horrific tragedies are occuring, they’re going to become more common, until major initiatives for prevention, evaluation and rehabilitation are in place.

It won’t stop until the stigma is removed and people can get help, without worrying about legal consequences, should they seek help, before they hurt someone else.

This is something we can’t wait any longer to have a national, if not global dialogue about and more initiatives in place.

Because this isn’t getting better, due to the deep stigmatization that’s in place, for parents who murder their children, regardless of gender, such as in this case and in other cases.

While it’s always a horrific tragedy, it’s even more so, when people who seem to have resources to get help, can’t do so, because of the stigma or because they are so mentally impaired, that they at least in this case, where I’m going to hypothesize, even while I’m only a non clinically trained activist, sometimes in drastic cases, such as this one, I’m thinking they might temporarily lose all touch with reality, with permanent, irrevocable and catastrophic outcomes, such as in this case, with someone who DID have a formal education on how to help people in crisis, but was incapable of helping herself, let alone those who she may have loved the most, but then committed such a horrific tragedy.

IF,  I had the means, which unfortunately, I don’t, as a disabled activist, I’d start a major initiative, in hopes of trying to  prevent these horrific tragedies from happening over and over again.

BUT, I AM capable of starting an urgently needed dialogue, that can hopefully result in more  initiatives being created,  to try and reduce this from happening, almost now on a daily basis.

http://www.psychcentral.com/lib/telephone-hotlines-and-help-lines/
(parental depression hotline can be found in above link)

Note: PLEASE, I don’t mention NOT having a discussion on gun control, NOT  because I don’t believe in it, because I DO. The problem is, especially in this case, the woman who committed the murder/suicide, not only was she a vital and well regarded part of her community, and while in this circumstances, there isn’t a lot of information, yet available, about this horrific tragedy, from the way it looks, she could’ve passed the most stringent backround checks, not just for a firearm, but for a lot of things.

Not to mention in the last year, children and spouses/significant others have died from being thrown into rivers and set on fire, that’s why I’m highlighting the murders versus the means that children and adults have been killed by those who are supposed to love them.

I hope as a I said before, that the variety of reasons that play into domestic homicide and suicides do vary. In this case, I do think that for all the education that’s out there for new mothers, before a baby is born and after, that this NOW needs to be discussed without stigma.

Whether it be in society, prenatal classes, postnatal education both online and in offline venues, such as hospitals (postnatally or doctor’s offices)  and other places for education for parents of babies and children.

I mean people have to have a license to drive a car and are educated and evaluated for that, but there’s no extensive education required (but it’s out there, but just not in the capacity for parents in crisis, like it should be) to have a child, I’m not saying this judgmentally, just saying, we need more resources in place to protect both innocent children and people of all ages from emotional and physical harm, as well as death.

So that’s why, even with my normal disclaimers in place, it wouldn’t make a difference in this particular horrific and heartbreaking tragedy and that’s why I’m urging dialogues and initiatives.

Because it will save lives.

(additional/editorial note: I could’ve been clearer, websites and hotlines contained in both above and in body of this blog, in addition to being potentially helpful for those IN crisis, it could also help for OTHERS  to recognize warning signs before (even though sadly, sometimes they’re not there) and/or get help, after,  should tragedy strike.

I apologize for not being clearer)

PLEASE , if you don’t have anything constructive to say, don’t comment. I welcome constructive feedback or if people know of more resources that are out there, to notify me, privately or in the comment section of this blog.

#StigmaKills – The Sexual Predator/Victim Edition….

http://www.rainn.org
http://www.thehotline.org
http://www.suicidepreventionhotline.org 1800-273-8255
http://www.befrienders.org

What I’m about to have to say, is bad enough…It’s actually tragic…

The current social climate I have to say it in, is ALMOST as bad.

In multiple ways, for multiple reasons. Let me explain…

Very, very, very carefully.

Because the nature of the activism that I do, is usually suicide prevention, oriented, while I blog about all things mental health, including rape and sexual harassment (especially this year!!!), I had worried and wondered when, not if, someone either an accuser or the accused would die as a result of this, either in the form of murder or suicide.

Well, let me clarify that. I’m already know that people have gotten murdered for raping someone else’s loved one, people have died in domestic rape and assault situations both victims and perpetrators and people who have been accused and or convicted or people who’ve been violently raped have died by suicide.

And maybe somebody has already died this year (either a victim or a perpetrator) but it’s been buried in the news, we are constantly bombarded with, even for someone like me, who’s rarely on social media and on limited platforms.

I hate to say this, as it’s of personal nature and it’s honestly NOT meant to be self serving and it can be potentially hazardous to someone’s emotional health, if I don’t choose my words carefully AND if someone doesn’t read them just as carefully.

I’ve already discussed about my own rape in 1996, talking about it in greater detail than I would’ve already liked (as I really would’ve not liked to have to talk about it at all) and I made my peace with it, in my own ways, a LONG time ago.

Only going public about it, in hopes to help others.

I would NEVER want to hinder the progress that the #MeToo movement has made, which was WAY long overdue, nor they or anyone is to blame for the nature of this particular blog, and that I need to make CRYSTAL clear.

But I’ve had to relive my rape way more in 2017, than I ever did in 1996, when it actually happened.

Over and Over again. Due to the nature of social media.

Okay, I can live with that.  And not die from it, either. And I’m not being glib.

But I’m only saying this, while the #MeToo movement was SO necessary, I can’t be the only one, where I’m glad that it’s occurred, but it’s also been a trigger, that I can be okay with, but be sensitive to the fact or just aware, that while those of us, who’ve had to survive trauma like that, want all stories to be told, but it’s causing some of us to have to relive traumatic events, over and over again, as a result.

I’ve done all the soul searching in my case, where other than it being a VERY traumatic life event, it hasn’t played into any kind of self destructive behavior, like it can for other victims of rape and physical assault, as I had the same vices going out of my rape, that I did going into it, that’s the only reason why I’m mentioning it, in this particular blog.

And again, I’m trying to choose my words carefully.

As I strongly believe everyone’s (victims) stories need to be told. And while my blogs, won’t ever lead to a national dialogue (which to me, is kind of scary to me, as I really have no desire to go “viral”) it does help people talk about things that are strongly stigmatized, which is my goal, even if it’s private or helps them get the help they need.

HOWEVER, as I said in a MAJOR blog that I wrote about Harvey Weinstein and victims of rape and sexual harassment, there needs to be a dialogue on how we can best all help ALL people.

Including the predators themselves. Whether it’s in prevention or rehabilitation initiatives, for those who ARE willing to get help.

IF you do the math, most women know another women, if not a man, who’s been a victim of sexual harassment and/or rape.

In my case, where I am an activist who deals with body diversity issues and while I’m not a a clinically trained professional, I’m already fully aware of that both people of weight and anorexics, it stems from trauma caused by rape, assault and harassment, regardless of gender, socio-economics, in every age group, relationship (i.e. familial,professional or stranger) and in every religion.

So, if most, if not all of us know, someone who’s been a victim of these crimes, we obviously know someone who’s possibly done this.

Even if we DO NOT know, that they’ve actually done this.

Or sometimes people do know someone who’s done this, that they love now, who has this in their past (or present), and they can’t tell due to stigma, nor can offenders talk about what they might have done in the past, that could currently come back to haunt both them and their victims.

And that could be a deterrent on why they don’t seek professional help, either for preventative or rehabilitation purposes, due to the potential consequences.

And I’m not even going to elaborate in detail, the conversations we aren’t having about those who are victims and predators, not in the public eye, where more discussion is needed to help eliminate if not reduce rape, assault and harassment, for those who don’t have anything to lose, like the people of power, who are celebrities, as well as that there needs to be more discussion on the fact that assault victims aren’t always women abused by men. Females can be predators of either gender, and at any age.

But the above paragraph, is another in blog in itself.

I was already thinking about the potential for both victims and perpetrators might already be prone to the potential of suicide, in the last couple of months and ironically had wondered this, as this morning, when I got a phone call from a friend.

My friend had a friend, someone I had met briefly, a few years ago, for like 2 minutes.

While my friend and I had talked about unusual behavior of this friend (i.e. no-show on a job of over 2 decades) a few days ago, I was extremely  concerned.

My friend had found out today, that their friend had died last week, due to suicide, due to concerns of a past sexual assault allegation, allegedly.

Now, I’m going way out of my way to protect everyone’s identity, as they didn’t ask for me to write this blog.

I’m only writing it, because now I know someone who’s died this year, from a perp perspective and I’m sure he’s not the only one who has contemplated or will do this.

But, because  I have a serious responsibility as an activist, to not only have a voice for those who don’t have one, but to make sure I don’t cause further harm, in this case, with this topic, to those who’ve been victims of a sexual harassment or rape, too.

We need to talk about this.

We need to have support services in place. That serve and help EVERYONE.

That it hurts people, whether you care about this, based upon whether or not you like or care about the outcome of the victim and/or of the accused and/or perpetrator of these crimes.

We can’t continue to try people in the court of social media, especially in cases for people who either are victims that come forward or perpetrators who are terrified of something like this going public, so they commit suicide because they can’t or they actually DO NOT see another way out.

I’m not saying that those who’ve committed sexual harassment or rape, shouldn’t have consequences, like people in power, who are in the public eye, or any perpetrator,like we’ve seen, such as losing their careers.

Or that they shouldn’t face further consequences, in a court of law.

But it shouldn’t be okay, that people are okay with someone dying for a grope, they did a long time ago, and felt so much shame, that they would rather die, than face their family, when being scared that it was going to come out, either.

And again, it bears repeating,  I’m NOT trying to do, in any way, any kind of sexual harassment and/or rape victim shaming, which I find repugnant.

But there’s a very good reason that sexual harassment and even more heinously, the crime of  rape, usually doesn’t come with the death penalty.

We need to talk about this more so that more people, even if they aren’t so innocent, don’t die as a result, while remaining respectful to their victims.

(I do need to say, when talking about the above, I’m not talking about predators/perpetrators  who have no remorse for crimes they commit and/or who are violent and/or habitual offenders, but it’s not for me, as an activist, to say what they are due as a punishment, either)

Otherwise, there are going to be more families, blindsided, like this particular family, who now has to deal with the aftermath of a loved one who tried and convicted himself and then killed himself.

And there will be also sadly, victims of rape and sexual assault, who due to the nature of social media bullying having to be buried, too.

Note: Please ask for clarification, if one is a victim of sexual harassment or rape, before making any negative assumptions about this blog.

Also, comments that are not constructive in nature, will NOT be posted.

IMPORTANT Addendum: There are things I need to say, a little over 36 hours after publishing this blog, that I can’t go back in, without “muddying” it, even more.

One thing that I’ve tried to make clear not just in my activism in talking about rape and sexual harassment, but other mental health issues, is about the possibility, if it’s possible, with initiatives and open dialogue for PREVENTION.

Prevention of suicide. Prevention of rape and sexual harassment, as it applies to this blog.

As we have taught kids, from the time they are young,  how to describe and identify a “a good touch” versus a “a bad touch”.

But we haven’t done nearly enough in both kids and adults is talk about more means on how to prevent in the first place, so it doesn’t start at home, doesn’t  end up in schools or on the grounds, in a park, places of worship and in the workplace, to name a few.

I knew when I wrote this, it’s too soon to discuss this, though even though a couple of hours ago, a Kentucky congressman died due to suicide among allegations of molestation of a minor child.

And while I feel sad for the family and friends of both the victim and the congressman, as well as more victims that will come out and truthfully, more accused and/or perpetrators might die, so I stand by what I say, there is something else I have to say, that I would’ve rather not.

Most of my blogs, sometimes talk about the issues I’ve been up against, because I’m limited in what I can say about those I love the most.

But because it has relevance, I’m hoping that I will be forgiven, but I want it understood from the victim perspective, I get the enormous amount of damage and pain this topic causes victims.

My 14 1/2 year old daughter has been a victim of sexual harassment, groping by a peer and bullying.

And while I was a suburban kid, while I was bullied anywhere I went at her age, by words, I could take the bus, to lets say, where I live now, in Downtown Minneapolis, because then it was fun and less physically unsafe thing to do for an unaccompanied teenage minor, like it is now.

While my daughter lives in a upscale neighborhood though and she can be trusted, we live in a society, that many cannot be trusted and for that reason,she is very RARELY left or allowed to be alone, in a public setting, because of what she’s been through, as it applies to the bullying and harassment.

So if there was any doubt from a victim’s perspective of my not being extremely sensitive and empathetic, I hope there isn’t now, because I don’t think of just my daughter and son, I think everyone who’s been a victim.

 

 

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