It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘mental and emotional health and wellness’ Category

The #BeKindBecauseYouCantRewindHate Challenge…..

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Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I trained in matters of law enforcement or public safety.

IF anyone you know, is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

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“I’d rather be a little nobody than an evil somebody”- Abraham Lincoln

I haven’t blogged for awhile…

Sometimes, I get to the point with school shootings, domestic homicides and plots, if not attempts that are tragically executed to kill a lot of people, are now becoming a daily event, I’ve been kind of stewing in a lot of sadness for what our society is becoming more violent, on an hourly basis.

While in da olden days when I was young, when it came to anti-bullying efforts we were stuck with “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” and we now know that neither about that adage is actually true, and we are trying now, to find ways to prevent all this violence and bullying going on, there’s one thing I’d like to suggest that might help.

I’ve never wondered why, as someone who was so bullied for so long and then that probably factored into mental health issues of why I didn’t hate others, I just hated myself.

I’ve blogged ad nauseum about the unintentional hurt it caused people I love, I don’t need to rehash it.

I never wanted hurt or harm to happen to those who’ve hated on me for the last four and half decades.

I just wanted it to STOP!!!

To help others, whether they turn hating on them inwardly or to others, the one thing I think that could help others realize that everyone has a right to a peaceful and violence free life, is trying to find one thing, and concentrate on that, about a person or a population of people, that one is predisposed to not like and find something kind, to think about them or something you might have in common, with like us being human beings and all.

That’s the only ONE part of the challenge.

The 2nd part is, while teaching kindness in our society and the sanctity of life, is just as, if not more important and imperative as it’s ever been, the second part is more of an actual challenge.

What and who you choose to find kind things to say about, keep it to yourself.

If you want to do something public, positive, proactive and productive, make your social media and offline spaces “hate-free” zones.

“The best way to destroy your enemy is to make them your friend”- Abraham Lincoln

Okay, maybe that’s asking too much.

Not everyone can be friends with each other.

But, WE all can make an effort NOT to make people their enemy, and have active hate campaigns, both in words and in actions to people, just because they are of different races, cultures, gender identification, religion, weight,ideologies and political affiliations than ourselves.

And it’s not terribly difficult, even with someone you may have major differences in almost everything with, to find ONE good thing about them.

And just concentrate on that and their right, just like your own, to a peaceful and violence free life.

Because, you don’t just have to choose from being a little or big nobody and an evil somebody, you can be your authentic true self, who’s not perfect but is a good somebody.

Just don’t participate in hate of ANY kind in the world.

“Whatever you are, be a good one”- Abraham Lincoln

 

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What requires the most urgency at this point in time: Falsely reported hate crimes or INITIATIVES to try to prevent planned hate massacres???

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Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. Nor am I trained in matters of public safety or law enforcement.
IF you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

The above quote I posted, unfortunately is outdated.

We’re past the point of being at risk of “will collapse” and we’ve arrived that it is collapsing, others disregard or hatred of humans that’s leading to senseless murders and massacres that are almost happening on a daily basis.

In no way am I trying to dismiss the importance of a need to have a deterrence for falsely reported hate crimes, as in the case of what happened with Jussie Smollet who’s facing potential felony charges for allegedly doing that.

I’m also not discounting of the harm and hurt he did to more conservative people.

And not only that, going forward, just like in the past with attacks on both white people and black people in the LGBTQ community, there’s also the chance of increasing disbelief of victims, when crimes of this nature due ACTUALLY occur.

The thing though is, I do believe that making it a felony will deter in the future, attempts to gain public attention/sympathy, waste public resources for those who could be capable of making a false claim of a hate crime, going forward.

What cannot be legislated away, is something else that was reported in the news yesterday, that a Coast Guard employee, Lt. Christopher Hasson was apprehended and in that investigation, the little that’s been released he planned on murdering as many innocent civilians, democratic politicians and cable news anchors that he had on a list.

Six days ago, 5 people were murdered by an ex-coworker who was enraged at losing his job in Aurora, Illinois.

Which was the 39th mass shooting in 2019.

And you have to say Aurora, Illinois, not to confuse the massacre in Aurora, Colorado in 2012 where 12 people were murdered, 70 injured which was the 3rd largest gun massacre in U.S. modern history.

When the news broke last night of the extent that Christopher Hasson planned on killing as many people as he could, I happened to see it on CNN and something that now I can’t shake  and propelling me to write this.

One of the contributors said, “It was good thing that this person made a mistake”.

If I thought that he was a potential lone isolated incident, I’d still be scared for how many senseless tragedies that are happening but not to the extent where it’s been quoted he wanted to kill “almost everybody”, but what’s scaring me, is what if he IS NOT an isolated situation?

What if now, though, there are others who are diabolically planning massacres will try harder to prevent any detection, so they can actually execute these heinous massacres of innocent people?

You can’t prevent with legislation that’s going to have a chance in reducing these tragedies, mass murderers do not fear consequences, quite a few of them in the past were willing to die for what ever evil cause they are thinking they have to avenge, or as in this case hating almost everybody that goes beyond just being a White Supremacist, as there was more than anti-semitism, Islamophobia, anti-gay and left leaning political hatred in his desire to do try and plan an atrocity to the extent such as what he was planning.

I get a lot of crap for NOT totally blaming guns in situations like this from people who do lean more to the left.

I get the occasional death threat or comment that I should kill myself  from people who lean more to the right, for making the comment that I don’t know why the NRA can’t denounce these kind of horrific crimes.

I have no problem with them defending their members who use guns responsibly and rationally.

I have people who I adore who are members of the NRA and they are good people.

How hard is it though to take a stance that they don’t want mass murderers as their members (even if they aren’t members of the NRA, they don’t care about responsible gun ownership like many members of the NRA do)  not condemning potentially endorses dangerous and deadly behaviors (I’m not saying the NRA is responsible for those murders) for those who are so misguided in thinking that they are right to something so heinous, that they may be under the misguided belief that the NRA thinks it’s ok, if not commendable.

But it needs to be said, guns in these tragedies are weapon of choice, unfortunately there are enough massacres that have occurred in people who did obtain guns legally or had no legal or mental history that would be cause for alarm to suspect some of these murderers of  wanting to commit these massacres.

As well as deadly massacres that weren’t executed with guns.

IF we can’t come together in our society to try to find solutions to try and prevent these tragedies happening over and over again, we will go from active shooter situations, to active bombers and mass murderers planning to kill as many people as possibly with something other than a gun, in the future.

I only hope I’m so wrong about this.

But there are too many mass murders that have occurred in the last 10 years alone that show hate and rage  is NOT only increasing, intensifying and more divisive than ever, it’s becoming way more deadly.

We have to do something on a major scale in hopes for prevention and reduction of these horrific tragedies and we have to do it, NOW.

Note: I’m amenable to constructive criticism. Save the hate, though. I think the best way to look at what I’m trying to get across, is coming up with national and global initiatives on prevention of massacres, will hopefully save lives and the lives it could save, could be yours or someone you love.

An Open Letter to #HennepinHealthcare’s Emergency Department’s physicians…

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Dear Dr. S and Dr. C (purposely not using last names, for physician’s right to safety and anonymity),

I was in your Emergency Department on 1/15/2019, in the morning around 8 a.m.

I understand as I presented as a very unkempt but for the most part, polite 49 year old obese tobacco using patient complaining about a bad cough, but more concerned about the severe left flank pain that occurred every time I coughed or sneezed that a pulmonary issue might take precedence over a digestive one.

I stopped being quite as polite when I checked my tests online and found after almost 3 hours of being there that I only had a urine analysis and pregnancy test, that was run.

I could understand with your facility being a level 1 trauma center that you may not have had time to read my chart, which doesn’t contain much, as I’m a Fairview patient.

Even though I did have a bilateral salpingectomy with endometrial abalation and d/c at your hospital, over 5 years ago and that my chart while not up to date with diagnoses, is update to with medications I am on, which gives an idea of my health issues.

However, while you got Lisa the vulnerable patient yesterday, you’re getting Lisa the activist today, in hopes it helps with others like me, who honestly thought they had an acute health issue and was NOT drug seeking.

This is what I can’t understand and is unacceptable to me, and when things are that way, I try to say something, make it a teaching moment, regardless of the socio-economics, education and profession of those who’s biases effect how I and others, get treated.

NOT every patient who goes through your ED, is looking for opiates, some of us patients who are obese to morbidly obese, have done everything under the sun, to lose weight (hence my side gig as an activist, like one of 3 GLOBALLY, who helps people in medical and mental health trauma with serious gastric bypass complications, on the scale that I do, as well as other medical and mental health activism that I do).

My visit yesterday at Hennepin Healthcare’s Emergency Department, wasted time and money.

It caused me unnecessary duress, because you have patients with barriers that have a propensity to possibly be violent, which caused enormous anxiety.

But the worst duress I experienced, was the assumptions and absolutely NO questions asked about certain things by physicians, that could’ve made my visit a lot more pleasant.

I did see, after I pushed for a blood work up, that were ordered FOUR hours in to my visit, my labs were good.

I also saw today, that I was prescribed a script that was ordered and filled at your pharmacy of high strength ibuprofen when I have a bleeding ulcer history and NSAIDS are an absolute terrible treatment option for pain for me ( and again, I did NOT ask for ANY medications, nor will I get or take script).

Unfortunately, when the IV came out, my vein spurted which wrecked my discharge paperwork and the pants I was wearing and all over my hands and some of the staff was ready to send me home with no help, until another set of staff saw that I was tired and shaky and helped me and I was appreciative of their help.

For quiet non violent introverts, your Emergency Room department is a terrifying place to be.

As I’m sure it is for a lot of people, introverted or not.

For those of us who’ve been labeled  due to mental health issues, it’s even more amplified, with anxiety caused by patients who are violent and fear of medical professionals who’ve labeled me, in the last 17 years, not just for mental health issues, but because I had bariatric surgery.

And while some staff was great at the hospital, what will leave a last impression from what will be my last visit to your facility, is that a busy physicians didn’t take the time to ask me anything, either assuming I didn’t know or wouldn’t be truthful and while you were nice, once I said something about being upset about that, that’s NOT okay.

So please, for the mental wellbeing of your future patients, if they are ambulatory, alert, articulate and polite, don’t label or practice medicine with preconceived notions about a  patient.

Actually, just DO NOT  practice medicine with any preconceived notions about a patient, like EVER.

As in my case, I loathe seeking medical attention and my visit from yesterday made it that much harder, way harder than it should’ve had to be.

As well as it made it more difficult for yourselves, and I have the utmost respect for physicians (as well nurses and all other hospital staff)  of any specialty, but especially for those who work tirelessly and usually without thanks, in an Emergency Room.

So thank you for your time yesterday and today, and hopefully going forward this will help both patients and physicians in your hospital, going forward.

Respectfully, Alissa “Lisa” Kasen

Update: 1/17/2019, when I wrote this yesterday, I tweeted it to Hennepin Healthcare and to my delight, they actually tracked me down and called me, today,  to address my concerns, which is much appreciated.

What #Thanksgiving Should REALLY Be About…

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, I have absolutely no training in public safety and law enforcement, I will always urge those who are in crisis or have loved ones who are, who could be capable of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services, immediately.

I’m NOT happy this Thanksgiving.

Which is OKAY.

What I am though is grateful, humble and have a desire to help others, even if it’s not in a monumental way, given my purposefully limited presence on social media.

It’s been a brutal year for so many that I know and don’t know, in losses of things and most importantly people, by many ways and for many reasons.

And my heart as a human hurts for those people and their loved ones, who’ve lost their lives, their livelihoods and their homes.

And if you’re similar to me, regardless of reasons, what I lost in the last coming years and it isn’t getting better and is actually getting worse, is my peace of mind.

That doesn’t mean I don’t possess emotionally stability and mental fitness, because I do.

I’ve spent the last year especially working on that, as well as what I do as an activist and little else.

Circumstances in the last year, led me to ignore the external about myself and rather fight a losing battle about what I look like, at least at this time in my life, led me to do that and I’m so grateful for that because if I have to feel that I can be a prisoner in some ways of others choices that can negatively impact another and circumstances within myself that I can’t control medically, it’s reinforced my commitment that if I can’t help someone, that I’m supersensitive to the fact that I don’t hurt them.

STOP.

Okay, so I started the above a few hours and went to take a break.

Coming back to write this again, more reinforced in the direction that this blog was meant to be in the first place and that is gratitude for people and the intangible good things.

I’m spending this holiday alone, and I’ll just say somewhat on purpose, because the reasons don’t matter.

The contradiction of what this holiday is supposed to mean, is in great abundance in my emails, I don’t dare look for it anywhere else on the internet.

Emails like “Happy Thanksgiving, Alissa!!! Start your Black Friday shopping, NOW”, all eight trillion of them.

I get business is business and I don’t think commercialism or capitalism is bad in itself.

I think it’s getting muddied though in the social media era, when people became brands themselves or when it became purposely that brands tried to become “peoplish”.

And for my sake, I’m not going to make that worse by being on social media, even though I’m blessed with great supportive people I’ve found because of it.

I don’t need a holiday to remind to be grateful for what is good.

I remember ten years ago, like when I didn’t have anything, including my freedom in addition to having medical health issues that make it no small miracle that I’m still alive for the last 8 years.

That’s probably why, knowing how lucky I am, in so many ways that I don’t ever forget, being grateful for my loved ones, my freedom, having my basic needs met that I didn’t think ten years ago, life could get more scary but it has.

I’m not talking about just me but for so many, where as we get further along, we get more backwards in ways that matter the most.

Unfortunately, it just seems like it doesn’t matter or it matters less, about who and what you are on the inside and/or what you can do to help others, as much as it matters of what you look like on the outside and what you have.

That’s our new normal, though and that I find terrifying and calling that out on a day that we are supposed to be grateful for what we have and with our loved ones, isn’t sacred anymore, feels icky but necessary.

Because people are being conditioned to be more concerned what others are doing, what they look like when they are doing it, what they have and what they will acquire and being focused on that is not only diminishing who we are as people, but who we are as a society.

I’m sad for those who have experienced awful losses this year and I admire those who have and still have managed to find the good even though I can still feel sympathy for those who are stuck because of their tremendous losses and can’t see the good and are saddened.

I’m grateful to the people who sacrifice their personal lives, if not their actual lives to protect us and help us.

Everyone has a gift that’s unique to them, that’s intangible that they could either use to help themselves and or others, I hope people who can’t see that about them, that they finally are able to identify it and use it to help themselves and/or others for greater good.

And it’s not bad nor does it make someone bad, if they need a reminder that anything that has a dollar amount, isn’t what’s most invaluable to us.

It’s who and how we love and doing that and/or trying harder to do that with kindness, is what really matters.

That’s what I’m going to be concentrating on this Thanksgiving, as well as I do in my daily life.

Lastly, I’m in no way saying it’s bad or that people are superficial for liking things and loving social media.

But, it could help anyone and everyone to take a moment, get off your phones, tell the people who you are grateful for that you are and if you’re not with them, let them know that. Often.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Note: Anything not constructive will NOT be published!!!

 

UNFORGIVABLE FOOD FAUX PAS!!!

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Disclaimers: There IS a medical foundation in this blog, so it bears mentioning that if one is in crisis medically, PLEASE contact 911 or emergency services in your area.

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I don’t like surprises, like of ANY kind.

In my top 3 though, of surprises that I HATE, has to do with food.

So I’m reading my local news today and catch actually, an older article on a local couple who were suing their wedding vendors, because they wanted to surprise their guests with an all vegan meal but not reveal that it was vegan, until the end of the reception, last Spring.

Apparently not only did it taste terrible and not well made but some of the workers at the wedding, did actually admit prior to the meal being over, that the wedding was vegan mandated in accordance to the wishes of the bride.

I will defend until the day I  DIE, people having any kind of food beliefs for any reason.

FOR THEMSELVES!!!

One may want to eat a certain way for religious, spiritual, health and/or any other reason and one is a somewhat rationally minded adult (I’m not  talking in regards to people who have Pica, etc and NOT talking about parents with their OWN children who don’t like feeding them sugar, GMOs etc).

And that’s great, as it’s your body, your business, your life.

DO NOT EVER though, “surprise” anyone with one’s food philosophy, like NEVER EVER DO THAT!!!

And because where people have different types of adverse reactions to different foods, sometimes deadly allergies, and they don’t have a certain kind of dietary philosophy and trying to surprise someone with that, could end their life, if not cause unnecessary medical, physical and/or emotional distress.

It’s ironic as I was already going to write a blog of this nature, I was with a friend a couple of days ago and we were talking about our own wacky biological makeups.

She went into FULL anaphylactic shock, when eating a sample food, that had a small amount of an ingredient at a big box store, before she knew she was allergic to it.

While the pharmacy on site, gave her epinephrine, it DID NOT work, because she was on a beta blocker.

In my case, because I haven’t wanted to get tested and can’t get an epi-pen without it, I just ALWAYS carry around a full box of diphenhydramine (don’t ever do what I do, I’m a moron about not getting allergy tested, as well as taking 2 dozen of diphenhydramine which I tolerate okay but someone else could overdose) because sometimes different foods trigger a “glass shard” feeling in my throat.

And while I’ve been in full anaphylactic shock, due to a medication reaction, that was when I was  in labor with my youngest and I was in a hospital full of physicians when that happened and it STILL was terrifying.

It’s NEVER okay, for ANY reason to surprise people when it comes to ANYTHING they are ingesting and it could ACTUALLY be DEADLY, even if an epi-pen is available, if someone is on anti-arrhytmics, MAO inhibitors and/or beta blockers, as well as other medications in other therapy classes can render Epinephrine less effective.

As well if it’s not potentially deadly, it can be  illegal, such as people who make food items with marijuana or other substances, even if they don’t have intention to do harm.

But even if a food item or any ingredient in a food dish, isn’t deadly to a person, people have a right to know what they’re being served when it comes to ANY food someone is serving them, ALWAYS.

Note: I will only publish constructive feedback. And again, this is about serving unknown/undisclosed foods to people where one may NOT know their food allergies and/or just want to unduly influence someone’s way of eating because they feel they’re eating philosophy is superior to someone else’s.

I’m NOT  talking about parents who sneak in vegetables in their own kids smoothies, etc.  Thanks!!!

When “our doves” die- An honest human discussion about living and sometimes dying from addiction… #stigmakills

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(for my international readers http://www.befrienders.org)

*Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained or credentialed medical or mental health professional, nor am I am a professionally trained in matters of law enforcement or public safety. I will ALWAYS encourage people in crisis to seek acute professional help in an appropriate setting or if necessary, contact emergency services.

(There also will be profanity, in this blog and honest talk about living and dying from addiction and the human predilection for addiction, if that’s offensive, PLEASE don’t read) *

I won’t BACK down!!!

Shit, wrong artist!!!

NO, I’m not being glib.

On this second anniversary of Prince’s death, where initially, I had a fear that I didn’t want Prince to be the poster child for accidental illegal drug overdose, I decided it was more important as an activist to make sure he didn’t die in vain.

It was driven home more, when Tom Petty died under similar circumstances, involving the drug Fentanyl last year, as well as other famous beloved people, as well as those of us who lose loved ones in death or in the depths of despair due to drug addiction, every year.

I’ve gone on record, so to speak, in past blogs in greater detail, that I think Fentanyl is a fucking EVIL drug.

Heroin is, too.

But any substance or entity that can cause addictive behaviors in humans that ruin their lives, if not end them, can be considered “evil”, to at least someone.

I tried before starting this blog, to find a “quote meme” that would do addiction “justice” on this 2nd anniversary of Prince’s death and for anyone who could relate.

I defaulted to above “meme” only because I figured I’d be better serving my readers, resources, as well as trying to be a part of the dialogue on honest talk about addiction.

I have addiction issues and an addictive personality.

I ONLY escaped drug addiction, due to the either horrific side effects of them or because I metabolize other drugs (prescription and/or not illegal) so quickly, that it’s difficult physiologically to build up an addiction to them.

I’m only injecting my personal issues with addiction, as this is a blog, it’s not an article and it’s not something that would be too helpful for me to go on in more detail, like I have in previous blogs about my own personal demons, which I have.

But it would be disingenous to write a blog about addiction in others, without disclosing my own issues, at least acknowledging that they most definitely exist.

Living in the hometown of Prince, there is a celebration of his life this weekend, on this 2nd anniversary of his death and I get why for all of those who loved him and his music, of why that’s so important to take place.

But if I’m going to be honest, even though I’m not a super fan, as much as I know about addiction and human strengths and human frailities, there’s a part of me that’s SO angry, that he’s gone.

As well as now, Tom Petty, like I said before.

Or my friend “N” who died almost 6 years ago, when in medical crisis, she developed an addiction after being on IV narcs due to extended hospitalizations and ended up with a heroin addiction, that NO ONE knew about, until she accidently overdosed from a bad batch of Heroin.

I consider myself “lucky” to a certain extent, as much as anyone who suffers and has to deal day to day with severe persistent mental health issues and intractable severe widespread and localized physical pain, that drugs never became a crisis situation for me, either living with a drug addiction or nearly dying from one, other than my suicide attempt almost 10 years ago, where I tried to intentionally overdose on prescribed narcotics for me.

But I think of Prince or my friend N and they died before they could see so many things, as locals to Minneapolis, as well as anyone who loses loved ones due to addiction.

As far as Prince, he missed U.S Bank Stadium being finally completed, he missed  “52”!!!

I don’t think and I’m not trying to come of self serving, that I don’t get as mad about the genius of him and his ability to create music that we could related to, being cut so short, as much as I get angry and sad, about his right to would’ve been to live his life, that was cut short, due to the depth of an addiction, that really NO ONE could’ve said, could’ve been avoided.

What exactly do I mean by that???

Because most people if they don’t have severe chronic pain OR they are afraid of using any kind of opiate or strong presciption pain medication or wouldn’t think of using any kind of street drug, have NO idea of what it’s like to not only be a slave to addiction, but to be in so much pain physically, that it alone becomes soul crushing and then you add addiction to a substance/s on top of it.

What’s exactly the answer to this then, with addiction to drugs or anything else, that ruins people’s lives, if NOT, actually ENDS them???

Because while people can try to legislate any substance or anything that can be abused or cause a fatality/fatalities, a wise blogger once said (ME!!!) that “You CANNOT legislate addiction, AWAY”.

Not everything that causes addiction in one person, will cause addiction in another.

I can’t say what the cure or the answer is to addiction of drugs (prescription or illegal) or any kind of addiction that ruins lives, if not ends them.

What’s in the root of addiction and what the recovery of what one’s person’s addiction will look like, will vary being as unique, as we all are.

But we have to acknowledge that most humans are addicted to something and try to find different alternative approaches to prevention, evaluation and treatment of addictions.

That CANNOT happen though, with moral judgements and/or stigma.

Note: Constructive feedback, ONLY, please. Thanks!!!

 

 

At one time, a family of 8, but in the end, a family completely wiped out #hartfamily …

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Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical, mental health or credientialed in public safety, law enforcement and in social services.

The ONLY reason why I keep writing these blogs about domestic murder/suicides is that they keep happening and there is NO specific initiative in place. I found one murder/suicide initiative that was started 20 years ago, but it was only in respect to female partners being killed by their male partner.

I don’t know how many more people have to innocently die, especially when whole entire immediate families are dying this way, without more initiatives in place for prevention and/or rehabilitation.

I ask respectfully though, I do these blogs, where my immediate family knows somewhat of why I keep doing this, but they are really private people and in hopes of making sense and there being a greater purpose that we went through wasn’t in vain.

But an activist/blogger who purposely doesn’t want a lot of attention and is disabled, I’m limited on what I can do. I hope those who have more resources or stories of where they were in crisis but got help before irreversible tragedy happened or clinical trained professionals in abnormal psychology, can speak up on ideas, if it’s possible for prevention.

I will say my normal disclaimer, if you or someone you love, is in DANGER of hurting themselves or others, please seek immediate acute help by calling 911 (or because I’m read outside of the U.S and North America emergency services in your area or looking up http://www.befrienders.org) immediately.

Editorial Note: This majority of this  blog was written on 3/29/2018, I hesitated in publishing it under the assumption that it was a domestic murder/suicide, even though it had the signs of one until more data was released, that I just caught today. It was unclear at the time of publishing due to conflicting news, of where it is possible that there were 3 surviving children, it still doesn’t change the nature or the point I’m trying to make in the blog, it’s still beyond tragic.

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I had just noticed the story, yesterday. Where a family of 8, where they had MN roots like I do, but were living on the West Coast, that the 2 parents and 3 of their children, their bodies earlier this week were found, after their vehicle had gone off a road into the Pacific Ocean.

Because the family had 3 other siblings, it’s now being suspected they died, as well, even though their bodies haven’t been found yet.

There has been talk because the mothers had a recent child neglect/abuse claim against them, if that was the motive, possibly, of their deaths.

When family and friends of the victims were interviewed, they were noted to be nice people who were activists for positive change, even though some of their neighbors found some of the behaviors in the parents questionable, as far as the children not being taken care of properly.

None of the above am I making any judgement nor at the same time, excusing.

While I remember the good mother I was 20 years ago, I also remember the neglectful mother I became a little over 10 years ago, when in medical and mental health crisis.

While I’ve written many blogs about that period of time, in hopes to remove stigma, I’ve written many more blogs about domestic murder/suicide that involve children, there is one topic that I have NOT brought up when it comes to these horrific tragedies, that I do have to wonder, if it places apart, even though I don’t and will NEVER understand it.

I remember when I was that shamefilled terrified mother of 2, worried about the possibility of my children being taken away, while I somewhat was aware of the fact, that my parents or sisters would never let that happen, I also was terrified if something should happen where my kids would be taken away and be put in a system, where they be physically assaulted or raped.

I knew after having a past history of doing both volunteer work in a battered woman’s shelter and also facilitating a single parent support group, that is hard working as our Department of Human Services staff are, they are extremely overworked, underpaid and underappreciated.

That hasn’t changed since 1988/89 when I was a volunteer at that battered woman’s shelter, in 1998 when I worked as a single parent faciliator of a support group with my local YMCA (when one is considered a mandated reporter, just like I consider myself now, being such a serious activist but responding to personal queries for medical/mh help) and it was the same when I found myself 10 years later, with my own CPS and APS case in 2007 for hoarding and a brief one, post suicide attempt in 2008, where I didn’t fight where my children were going to be, only fought my potentially being committed.

Although my CPS worker in 2007 did see that there was love in my home and my kids’s basic needs were being met and she met with me weekly for months prior to my case being discharged, as well as I was ordered to be in therapy and that manditory cleanup, which she helped participate in.

It’s not for me to second guess that the kids were NOT immediately removed from their home.

If parents seem loving but are struggling, the last thing DHS/CPS  (or any similar agency in one’s locale) is rip kids from a loving home, even if it is unstable and sometimes doing that can be more traumatic for a child and/or children than leaving them with their parents.

The point I’m trying to make and unfortunately we may never know in these circumstances of why this family was wiped out or in other cases where it seemed like loving parents that I’ve wrote about (or even families that I haven’t) take out their entire family including children, is maybe due to some kind of HORRIBLY misguided sense of LOVE.

I can’t even try to wrap my head around that, though.

I can understand where people feel so trapped that sometimes and I’m choosing my words, very, very, very carefully, that suicide can not only feel like it’s the only choice that someone can make for themselves, it’s not necessarily hate based but out of compassion for one’s self, depending on their degree of suffering.

But ending someone elses life, ever or especially in a case, where it’s one’s child or partner, I don’t understand that and am only trying to, identify potential motives in these tragedies,  to be a better activist in the name of prevention of these horrible tragedies that keep happening over and over again.

If I had a chance where I’d have the opportunity, which I will NOW, as far as this blog being written, I’d beg someone to get serious help before hurting themselves and others, let alone killing them.

I’d beg them to see that even in our worst trying times, things can get better, even if it may take a long time, but that no one has the right to take the peace of mind or to take the right of life FOR  someone else.

I don’t see in this case, unless it comes out that the parents involved talked to someone else about the problems and or concern of what the tragic end outcome was in this case, that it could’ve necessarily been prevented.

But for a family that adopted children in hopes to give them a better life, as well as the good things they did throughout their lives (which unfortunately ultimately doesn’t matter, if one or both parents were responsible in the deaths of their children) and for their lives, ultimately, to end in the worst way possible,

I hope this can start a dialogue and a movement for prevention and rehabilitation initiatives, so that this ENTIRE family, like families before them, didn’t die in vain.

It just goes beyond the scope of my comprehension of any one human beings last memory of being murdered, but especially by someone who they love more than anything.

And that’s probably why I won’t stop blogging about this, until major initiatives are in place, for prevention of these horrific tragedies, happening over and over again.

Note: Please, only constructive feedback is wanted. I honestly wish I had more resources at my disposal to do more in prevention than blogging about it. Thanks!!!

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