It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for January, 2018

This is closer to the Super Bowl of my DREAMS….

big-bowl-pasta316

Sadly, the pic above is NOT the Super Bowl, if it was, I’d be so happy now, except it’s spaghetti.

And I’m a Buca ZitiWiithExtraRosaRicottaSpinachMushroomsChickenShrimp fanatic.

Unfortunately, this particular “super bowl” I managed to miss on social media, when it broke a world record at Buca Di Beppo at their Anaheim location in March of 2010.

Although I’m sure that I’m Downtown Minneapolis’s Buca’s record breaking customer by being the most picky, polite but grateful to go customer, like EVER.

Unfortunately, while I’m trying to remain kinda positive and slightly silly, as I’m usually a super serious activist/blogger, who loves super quiet and  lives in the WORST  location possible for that, by being 4 1/2 blocks away from where Super Bowl LII is to take place, and about 1-5 blocks from any other major Super Bowl activity that’s going to/or is already taking place in Downtown Minneapolis.

So I’m NOT sorry at ALL for wishing there was SUPER BOWL OF ZITI with my special instructions, all and just for me, right about now.

I’m happy for those who are enjoying that the location of SB52, is in Minneapolis.

I’m just not one of them.

And I’m going through some serious Buca Ziti withdrawal.

But at least, if  I’m cranky and silly, at least I’m concise for once!!!

SO, if you also happen to wish for a different kinda  “super bowl”, feel free and share what kind of “super bowl”  with me.

And if you’re a hater, feel free and keep quiet, for once, K?

Advertisements

The ONE conversation we should NOT be having publicly/Regretting having kids…

TRIGGER WARNINGS/DISCLAIMERS:  This blog, as well as the trigger warnings that proceed it, which will be in a blog within itself, will probably be the biggest barfiest buffet of blog warnings, I’ve ever had to include, as an activist who blogs about super serious matters, such as murder/suicide, rape, addiction, body diversity, gastric bypass reversals and hoarding, to name a few.

While I loathe to have to do  any kind of activism specifically regarding parenting, this particular topic, can be the root of both human dysfunction and human suffering.

I’m NOT  a clinically trained professional of any kind, which is NOT necessary to have an opinion on topic, but the pain topic can potentially cause medically and psychologically needs to be addressed by clinically trained medical/mental health professionals, depending on the degree of duress, either in a outpatient and/or inpatient clinical setting, unless in acute distress that could cause harm to oneself or others, then please contact law enforcement or call 911 if you’re in the United States.

Because I actually have an international following, emergency numbers can be found for my readers at http://www.chartsbin/view/1983 .

I’m going to ask one thing, regarding this blog. If you read it, read it in it’s entirety or feel free to stop reading it, right now.

Because as an unconventional mother, who has complex disabilities, there isn’t going to be any way to have a short conversation on this topic, that I think is so extemely damaging.

I hold myself to the highest standards, for a non clinically trained activist who blogs about matters that could be life and death situations.

While it’s never my intention to influence anyone with my opinions or my truths, I only give them in the manner to help, give food for thought.

This blog is directed towards the conversation that’s resulting of parents who regret having children in optimal circumstances, but hate being a parent, due to stressors that are actual avoidable.

AND given a choice, they would NOT  do it again and have no problem, admitting that.

While I can try and understand the feeling, as I’ve been accused of this, even though it’s NEVER been an issue for me, as a parent, I have to believe in guiding a discussion or sharing my thoughts, that will do the least amount of potential harm or bring out the fact this conversation, so publicly, as well meaning as it is, is potentially if not just IS so horribly harmful to children.

And can cause so much unnecessary feelings of rejection, that creates a vicious cycle that causes pain and suffering, if not loss of life  in humans.

I’m not talking about feelings of regret, despair or sadness that comes with parenting  children with serious barriers (which you regret the barrier/disability/crisis, crappy circumstances, not the child), parents who have limited resources financially, medically and mentally or people who had children that they felt they had to keep that were a product of stranger rape or domestic relationship rape, abuse or trauma. Or those who are happy that they never had children.

I’m asking for my Facebook and Twitter followers, should this lead to a discussion, please do it here, only.

So you’ve been warned. I’ve never tried writing a blog on a topic that I actually thinks needs some stigma and that I strongly feel, doesn’t require a public discussion and I explain why.

And for my readers who wanted children more than anything and couldn’t have them, or had to bury a child, I’m SO sorry for any triggers that this blog could cause, just because I wrote this.

And that my dear reader, ends probably the world’s longest trigger warning on probably ANY blog….
******

Holy Moly!!!

I didn’t even know until Sunday morning when checking out a magazine app that I have, that this was actually a thing.

That for like at least 2 years (as I’ve now done some, but not a ton of research on the topic) that parents are talking about truly regretting having children and they wouldn’t do it again and were talking about it openly or at least online, in controlled forums, for their protection.

And that trained clinical professionals were encouraging the topic to be discussed without judgement, as long as children weren’t being harmed.

That’s what I’m struggling with, as an activist (I’ll discuss the personal psychic pain it cause me as a disabled mother, later) of like this has to be the WORST first world problem I’ve ever seen and could be the cause of so much unnecessary hurt and feelings of rejection, for the first time, when it comes it to human beings, when it matters more of what they’re SAYING or THINKING as a parent, than what they’re actually doing, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY ARE DOING RIGHT.

I’ve shared way more things as a blogger/activist then I ever wish I had to, in hopes of greater good, in trying to remove stigma.

I just can’t wrap my head (and truthfully, my heart) around this.

Keep in mind , while we live in a digitally motivated era around everything and people are living on social media and on smartphones and are addicted to them, the toxicity and harm that can come from not having any boundaries when it comes to certain topics, like this, can be ENORMOUS.

Had I not seen that article on Sunday morning, I would’ve been just working on another blog about massacres and how humans now react to RAGE, which is terribly underdiscussed.

But if we are going to make inroads in trying to prevent tragedies of massacres and murder/homicides, we have to discuss REJECTION.

And parents regreting having children and being so forthcoming in admitting it, is about the ultimate in rejection.

And I can’t buy that anyone could honestly say, “well, I love my kids, but if I had to choose having kids, all over again, I wouldn’t do it” that it’s NOT horribly damaging, if that feeling is permanent and is pervasively being expressed (as I’m not talking about abnormal thoughts but knowing the difference to lead to abnormal actions that can cause harm).

We live in a society, motivated and driven by social media, that fear of missing out, is actually something for a lot of people (not me, I have “FOMU” as explained in different blogs, I have “fear of messing up”, something I’m an expert on when I’m not in activist mode) where people feel rejected, if they aren’t invited to a Girls Night Out or a wedding.

Or a dinner, movie or Games of Thrones binge watching marathon that’s promoted in words, emojis, memes and about 12,743 pics and videos  on post on any and all of the social media sites.

That people tell one another “go kill yourself” if they get rejected on Tinder.

We live in a society, where some people feel the need, when a marriage ends, to shoot and kill a spouse or what’s worse in those who don’t regret being parents, killing their children, because of rejection in romantic love.

People feel rejected if someone’s doesn’t like their chocolate cookie recipe pics a million times, but a discussion of this nature, so publicly, isn’t harmful?

I had my firstborn, my son, 25 years ago, thank goodness, before the digital era.

However, people and/other parents have been judging other parents, have been around as long as human beings have been procreating.

But at least the jugement came in limited ways. Whether they be unwelcomed comments or funny looks I got.

By the time, my 14 1/2 year old daughter was born, there was the internet. There was the internet judgement, as well as offline judgement from peers and family, way before I got too sick to raise them, properly, being a single never married unattractive Jewish mother.

I didn’t do on my BEST day as a parent, everything you were supposed to nowadays but isn’t necessary,  for a child’s wellbeing.

Even though I volunteered at my kids’s schools (even my youngest and I was just gone then) but in ECFE with both kids, cub scouts and hebrew school and some sports, with my son, worked until 2004, then went to school and try to start my own business before I applied for SSDI in 12/2006)  people never have a problem even without digital devices telling  one another what they don’t like or what they’re doing wrong.

And nowadays ,people  definitely don’t have a problem on a digital device of telling everyone, exactly everything that’s wrong about them.

On my WORST day as a parent, my children were sheltered, fed, had medical attention when needed, given a hug or 2 and a joke and had for the majority of the day, had a quiet very physically and mentally sick and sad zombie, as a mother.

Which everyday, the last 2 years and the 9 1/2 years since living with me has ceased to be home for them, I agonizingly regret every single day, that  I couldn’t do better for my kids and I try to remember every memory I had  with children I love more than anything,  that was compromised by sickness and disability, even though I’m so glad I have them and they are doing great, which I’m so grateful for.

So my comprehension and non judgement of things parents do and say, is pretty wide and accepting, as well as talking about it, especially to de-stigmatize things that hurt children both young and as  adults.

So this will be the first and last time, I write a blog that can help others better be a parent:

You can regret bad circumstances, that’s understandable.

You can CHANGE some circumstances, such as separating parenting and social media use or at least limit it, by minimizing how much you expose your children of any age (minors)  on all the platforms, as well as the time you spend on them when with your children and without them.

Nobody is going to die, if they miss a post,pic or video , especially when it’s HAPPENING, of your kids opening a present during a special occasion or just because it’s Tuesday.

And you don’t get handed an award, if you have your children in a million different activities at all times, as well as you’re  personally are involved in a million activities and whether you have a career or are a homemaker, that you gave your children everything and did that while multitasking and documenting it, every second on social media.

BUT…. in cases like that, you don’t regret the kids, you regret that you burdened yourself like that and change that.

Because even for high achievers (which I’m about as low achieving nowadays a human can get) , as the expression goes, “You can have it all, but not all at the same time”, the same could apply that parents can do lots of things, but somethings like documenting every feeling and experience on social media is both a potential physical and emotional health hazard to the child and parent.

And it’s not necessary for the wellbeing of either.

I get  people I may care about, may recognize themselves, in this blog. I would never want to shame anyone, especially those who’ve been so non judgemental about my own bizarre experiences as a person and a parent.

Parents have a duty to best shelter, feed, clothe, educate and love their children and trying to protect them from harm.

It’s not always fun, it’s sad, scary, aggrevating and heartbreaking at trying times, even in optimal circumstances. And it’s tragic when they are in horrible circumstances.

While, I’m better suited in doing activism when things go wrong with people, medically and mentally,  I just can’t get at all,  of try harder in preventing the regret, as long as it doesn’t cause their children and themselves harm.

And not knowing that there are times, where while some thoughts are unavoidable, expressing them so blatantly, is completely unnecessary, such as regretting having children.

So if anyone can explain this to me, if I’m missing something, that would be great.

Because while I’m more suited for what I do with people who regret a surgery and it being a big deal, I just can’t comprehend that that we live in a society, that truly it’s anything goes, like anything ….

And it’s crap like this, that impoverished war torn countries, like mock us.

Note: I get the potential for people being passionate about this topic in trying to promote free thinking and free speech. This blog though is concentrating that there could be dire uncontrollable consequences of free uncontrolled express on innocent people i.e. children.

So if you can’t be respectful, please don’t expect a response.

Lastly, I hope that I’m limited in technology I blog on, so I can’t provide the links of the blog topic. Hopefully I’ll get an an android mouse, soon.

 

Things that are helpful to know for non-locals coming to Minneapolis (and/or Minnesota) for Superbowl 52/ #SBLII……

14232978_1435124136504981_65800944906648373_n
http://www.salvationarmynorth.org

http://www.ststephensmpls.org

http://www.redcross.org

http://www.gtcuw.org

http://www.aeonmn.org

http://www.childrenscancer.org/zach

http://www.mnsuperbowl.com

(Trigger Warnings: My opinions are strictly my own. While as a disabled activist I try to raise money and/or awareness for the first 6 above links (the 7th is to help those who are traveling to Minnesota/Twin Cities for the events and/or leading up to Superbowl 52) are/or much different than those who strictly advocate for the homeless and/or affordable housing.

But in NO WAY represent in any manner, other than trying to support non profits, of what I say in my blogs, to try and help others.

Also, I come from the perspective of “respectfully agreeing to disagree”

My hopes are that for those who are visiting Minnesota and/or the Twin Cities area, have a happy and safe time, here, as well as how they can help those who might be in need, if they choose to do so, in the safest and most efficient way possible, is not congruent with other activists who are more vocal and present than I am .

While I defend others right to disagree with me, even with as much at stake when it comes to homelessness and/or public safety, I feel strongly enough to state my point of view, do whatever you feel is right to you, as long as doesn’t interfere with another’s right to feel safe and supported,  whether you are  local or just visiting.

Lastly, my disabilities and lack of income (as well as I’m having technical difficulties, as of late), prevent me from linking websites or videos, in my blogs or breaking the subject matters covered in this blog, into separate blogs.

Safety and first aid tools can be found by using search engines such as Google (I be a “Google Girl, as well as Local 5 local guide for Google under Unstapled Lisa) or helfpul training videos can be found  on You Tube.

But at this point in time, I’m still choosing NOT to monetize anything I do on social media, although at the end of this below, if I can help in a way that’s time consuming, I’m not going to turn down renumeration for my time…

Anyhow…… Thank you in advance, for reading this blog, (hopefully in it’s entirety )as it’s only meant to help…)

Here we go…

The poor disabled blogger who has high end tastes, wants to welcome and empower those who are scheduled or thinking about visiting the Twin Cities, for either Superbowl 52 and/or the many exciting events extended in the Twin Cities area (which would include Dakota/Scott counties, which I’m also familiar with, where concerts promoted by
Nomadic Live at Mystic Lake Casino in Prior Lake, that’s outside of Hennepin (Minneapolis) and Ramsey (St.Paul) counties).

I’ve happened to reside in the core of the Mini-Apple, for the last 5 years. I’ve lived in Minnesota (I was born in Brooklyn about 984 years ago) for the last 43 years. I have lived though, 4 1/2 blocks away from U.S. Bank Stadium for the last 5 years.

Being currently a poor disabled person who should’ve been a successful small business owner, who comes from an upper middle class backround, I kinda have a unique perspective on things.

Where I live and how I feel about Downtown Minneapolis, isn’t any different.

I know what’s great about the Twin Cities and what’s NOT so great.

What I am hoping to accomplish with this blog, is multi-fold:

I want people to have the best possible experience that multiple planning commissions have invested a lot of resources in, that benefits as many people as possible.

Including those who don’t have a voice, which is the nature of most of my blogs and the “armchair activism” that I do on the internet for different causes.

Here are my “Golden Rules” for visiting Minnesota for 52 and/or the activities planned for it (and the beauty is, it could pretty much apply to where you live or anywhere you visit) although the links in the blog are either MN or Twin Cities specific, except the Red Cross one.

1. Treat people like how you want to be treated when you’re at home:

I live super duper close to U.S. Bank Stadium. I don’t live in it, though. If you wouldn’t want people yelling and screaming your neighborhood for ANY reason, at any time of the day, please keep your noise level IN the stadium and/or public spaces where it’s encouraged.

But realize BOTH Downtown Minneapolis and St. Paul, are a mix of commercial and residential properties, sometimes co-existing  on the same block.

Downtown Minneapolis, as well as surrounding suburbs and counties, are very diverse of people of all walks of life. Maybe some people like it loud, lots of us, do NOT.

2. Please do NOT directly feed/finance the homeless:

No, I’m not a jerk. I believe strongly in helping the less fortunate, which is a category I actually fall in, but again, have not monetized ANYTHING I do on the internet (well other than this blog, possibly).

However…. IF everyone I know who claims to care about the homeless, gave to non profits versus a homeless person, directly, could probably house BOTH temporarily and permanently the homeless and less fortunate, dozens of people could have access to both temporary and permanent shelter, for about a year.

Not only that, it does  present a safety risk for the samaritan and it also unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen, provide a safety risk for the homeless person who one chooses to give money to.

If I am to be truthful, I usually if I’m staying in Downtown Minneapolis (or St.Paul) purposely look like a deranged lunatic. It’s not because I get pleasure out of scaring innocent people. I just get sick of being asked for money, sex and drugs all the time (and I’m not laying blame on the homeless for that). I’m just saying, it happens to work for me, just to say that I don’t have any money, whether it’s true or not, isn’t anyone’s business but my own.

I just politely look someone in the eye, say “I’m sorry, I don’t have any money” and quickly move on. I personally don’t feel the need to tell the truth to any stranger looking for something for me and I give, even with being poor both my time and money to those in need. By donating time and money to non-profits.

Again, this is with more than just the samaritan’s safety in mind. But unfortunately, people leave themselves wide open, for the potential to be robbed, because while sometimes, it’s possible, that homeless looking or professing person, may really ONLY needs a quarter, once you open your purse or wallet and give to them, you run the risk of getting asked by another person, who won’t take no for an answer, who sees you do that.

If there is something though, that rubs you the wrong way about those who are less fortunate, the 6th link is for The Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fund at Children’s Cancers Research Fund. I’m kind of the mindset that if I can give to hospital that’s associated with a hospital chain that treats also adults and in my case, this particular adult, like total crap, if you don’t have empathy for those who are poor and/homeless, you can feel good about yourself in trying to help ERADICATE children’s cancers. I picked Zach, in about 9 other blogs that I explain in great detail, previous to this one.

Which brings me to the next topic…..

3. Learn safety tricks and first aid:

There are many videos for those who have time constraints or lack of money to learn how to best protect yourself. Minneapolis and St. Paul are not the U.S. hub of major crime, but it does happen here, like it could ANYWHERE.

I found because of my own disabilities, to feel less helpless and more empowered, to watch accredited and trained people’s videos on safety and first aid, so I would feel less helpless in an emergency or crisis situation of many kinds .

But also know that both the State of Minnesota, almost any city that could expect to have visitors, have excellent trained first responders to help in a true emergency. There’s also 10,000 (yes, you read that correctly TEN THOUSAND) people who volunteered to help visitors get help that they may need to have the best experience as possible, for the activities and/or leading up to 52.

And I’m about to say something that’s kinda contradictory. I do when I see visitors, it’s kind of like my own “random act of kindness” that I do, when I’m out and about, that’s not activism related, will offer to take pics of people who look like they’re tourists (well partially that’s driven by a few people trying to contort themselves to get in a selfie near a landmark and they’re seriously risking an ER visit, okay, I’ll stop being snarky).

Truthfully that’s not a good idea, to ask someone or it’s a risk you take, if someone doesn’t have good intentions, by giving them your smartphone to take a pic.

Also, don’t keep phones, hotel keys, car keys all in the same location, on your person. That way, if something bad happens, which hopefully it won’t, you won’t be out of EVERYTHING, should you get robbed. If you will be traveling with a group people, keep your valued possessions in different places on your person, than the others that you’re traveling with.

But personally, I think it’s a good idea for EVERYONE, who’s capable of operating a digital device, to take the ONE hour of your life, to learn various safety defense actions and emergency first aid. I can get the various reasons why people don’t have the resources to get certified, but I don’t understand how anyone cannot learn something that might save a friend or a loved one, by just investing a small amount of time that provides tools to save one’s life or another.

4. ASK FOR HELP AND/OR INSIGHT, IF YOU NEED IT:
Again, see above paragraphs. But also note, we earned the “Bold North” rep, for a reason. There are many resources for tourists on my 7th link above. While it’s good to have confidence in some things, if you’re new to snow or cold weather, ask for advice from people you trust, the volunteers and the tons of law enforcement or even me.

I’ve been to major cities outside of the Twin Cities, such as Miami/Ft.Lauderdale, New York City (not since my teens, tho), Las Vegas (almost 2 1/2 years ago) and London (England and Paris, France, almost 22 years ago and I’m not trying to be braggy) and got around fairly easily (in da olden days).

As well as I did get around extremely well, for a disabled chick, in Vegas.

While it might feel embarrassing,  even though there’s a ton of help for example with public transportation, and/or  if you’re renting a car, for example and SNOW or extreme cold, is new to you, don’t chance it. You’re not only risking your life, but those who ride in car with you and/or who has to share the road with you.

While a lot of steps have been taken for example, with accomodations, to make them as safe and scam free as possible, if you need help, PLEASE ASK.

Also have backup plans, in case something goes awry. Again, there’s a ton of help offline and you can also ask your social media buds who are local.

I know for me, personally, I’d rather answer the same question, 63,251 times than someone feel stupid and not ask for help and it causes harm to them, a loved one or an innocent bystander, and I’m NOT the only person who feels that way.

Because while most people are reasonable, and realize that you’re only asking the question for the first time, if someone’s going to be a jerk, what they have to say, doesn’t matter, anyway, RIGHT?

So, please ask for help, if you need it.

5. Lastly… :

This blog is with the best intentions, as I said previously, to help as many people as possible. While it’s true that I don’t monetize my internet or social media, in any way, I wouldn’t turn it down, either. I wouldn’t expect any kind of renumeration, for helping someone,  via email, if it takes 5 minutes. More than that, or more in depth type of help, feel free to try and negotiate and/or offer some kind of  compensation.

Hopefully this blog helped. I get that I’m super wordy, and if you’re new to my writing, I get that my syntax, among other things, could be better, but they’re NOT, because again, I have a bizarre set of complex medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities.

Also note, I’m amenable to constructive criticism. Nasty comments though, will NOT be posted….

Additionally, I do feel bad, as there are groups of people, that I hope to do more activism for, in the future, such as veterans. Right now though I am doing the best I can, to help as many people as possible.

But if one is so inclined to help a Minnesota based veteran, the following link, can help….

http://www.mac-v.org

And for those who have just a quick question that needs to be answered and/or in the rare case, if it’s someone’s a bariatric surgical patient who’s visiting the Twin Cities for the festivities of and/or Superbowl 52, I can be reached at my email address of unstapledlisa@gmail.com.

I apologize, as I re-published blog, while unfortunately, it made it even more wordier, it was necessary to best help as many people, as possible.

And unfortunately, with having both tech and WP issues, required publishing the blog, more than ONCE (well, three times to be exact and here’s to hoping the 3rd time is the charm)……

Why I still donate to the Zach Sobiech Fund at CCRF…

I’m not writing about this to bring attention to myself.

Nor is this blog about me.

I know in past blogs, I’ve gone in greater detail, of why I still occasionally donate to The Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fund at Children’s Cancer Research Fund.

I don’t write much about him and/or how much his family inspired me, that much anymore, that to me would feel and be kinda creepy.

But in 4 months (this is being written on 1/3/2018)  he should’ve been able to turn 23. 17 days after, on 5/20/2018, will be the 5th anniversary of his passing, I’m still compelled to try and do some minute thing, where something so tragic, there was love and hope and positivity among that, which is so hard to see, when you think of children’s cancer but you see a young man, who was so inspiring and so was his family.

And they inspired with honesty and grace, so many countless others, including me.

It wouldn’t be good for me, as I spread the type of activism I do, around, so to speak, nor am I best suited to this kind of activism, to do it all the time.

But I do think about Zach, living so close to U.S. Bank Stadium for almost the last 5 years. I thought about him, when I first saw the stadium last year.

I’ve thought about him and his family, with the Super Bowl being there, in a little over a month and I’m so sad, as inspired that I’ve been by him and his family, that he never got to live to see that.

So I guess what I’m saying, and because of being technically limited, I’m only limited to posting the link for the fund, not his videos that are linked in previous blogs that I’ve written about Zach, if you’re feeling helpless about so many things, as sad and tragic as children’s cancers are, there’s still something to still be inspired about, when it comes to Zach Sobiech and his family.

And while it was good to see that the fund had reached almost $1,500,000, it’s not enough.

It’s not enough, though, until there’s a cure for Osteosarcoma.

http://www.childrenscancer.org/zach

 

Tag Cloud