Hopefully this will be the first and LAST time I’ll have to put both a spoiler alert and a trigger warning on a blog.
Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t seen the preview for the return of the 12th season of Grey’s and would rather NOT hear about it, or if you’re like me and you are watching or planning to watch it from the series’s premiere, don’t read this blog.
Trigger Warning: For those with serious anxiety and/or panic attacks or PTSD, once you see the preview of mid-season return of season 12 of Grey’s Anatomy, you can’t unsee it. Even with some warning, I still had an anxiety attack and was spared a full blown asthma attack like I had when Carter got stabbed on E.R., am kind of emotionally cloaked in yuck (I’m on my 3rd repeat of seasons 1-10 of Grey’s Anatomy), and had seen the 2 hour episode last Spring, of a certain major character’s funeral, watching via DVR via ABC, but Netflix is the best way for me to watch shows that can cause a panic attack. I did take a several month break from Grey’s as described in a previous blog, but was looking forward after reading interviews with Shonda Rimes and Ellen Pompeo, of Season 11, which is now on Netflix, and watching Season 12, up until tonight.
I write about seriously scary real life stuff. What I’ve loved about Grey’s Anatomy that even though I could “suspend all disbelief” when it came to more of the ridiculous storylines, that it still was good for some major life learning lessons about human nature, about medical stuff (which I’m fascinated with), about physicians (most who scare me to death, hence me coining the term “md-ptsd” due to my issues of getting not taken seriously or labeled by physicians) and some really amazing music, that I’ve found due to my Grey’s addiction.
Grey’s is the ONLY show of Shonda’s that I watch. I couldn’t get into Private Practice and I don’t have an interest in Scandal or How to Get Away With Murder.
This blog isn’t about suspension of disbelief. It’s not about people who have mental health issues who want intelligent stories, that make you think but without constantly being scared to death. It’s not about the fact I know what it’s like to nearly drown (Summer of 1991, the year before my son was born) or when I nearly died and so did my daughter when in labor with her.
Which is probably the only things that I have in common with the character Meredith Grey, who I realize is NOT a real life person.
Maybe it’s possible though, even with knowing that come 2-11-2016 when the series resumes season 12, Meredith gets beaten within an inch of her life by a patient, that she still will continue to have faith in life, in fellow human beings and the work she does, even though it’s fictional, she has to have the most seriously constant life threatening job and life, ever.
The problem is, that 30 second preview, ruined any hope that I can personally go forward in watching Meredith constantly fight for her life. It’s not my show, I don’t own it. But I know I’m not the only person to have a problem that Meredith can’t go a season without nearly dying. And to be violently assaulted and violated that way, ruined any hope that I can continue on watching the show.
Grey’s has historically done some ridiculously themed shows (did ya catch “The Song Beneath A Song” episode, with all the surgeons singing???) but there’s a difference between ridiculous for a show, that still wants to encourage hope, even if life isn’t about one ever getting a “Happily Ever After”, it’s hard to believe that going forward, to restore hope in some of us fans, that Meredith will be OK. Even if she is, it’s impossible to believe someone can survive everything she has and thrive after this, when she’s had to survive so many bad things, that to me, requires a “suspension of disbelief”, not in show that but that a faith in Shonda and the other writers I NO longer have, because of this storyline, to invest anymore time or emotion in it.
It did help me, feel less anxious, when reading the episodes of Season 11 and 12 on Wikipedia, before I started this blog, to quell my serious panic attack, that it’s still only a show and not anything resembling real life. So, if I’m not the only person who suffered one, watching the preview or if someone feels bad if they should watch when season 12 of Grey’s , returns next month, maybe that will help them, with any anxiety they may have.
And while I can still TRY and hope that somehow what happens to Meredith Grey, is just a bad dream of sorts, that probably won’t be the case. And I’m mad and sad, that Shonda finally came up with a storyline that will make it impossible to continue to watching the series, as well as to think fondly of the show in what it’s brought to me in the past.
I can only hope that feeling changes and I can at least feel better about past time, invested in the show.
I’m STILL really going to miss a lot of things about Grey’s Anatomy.