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Archive for the ‘Reverse Sexism’ Category

“Why didn’t you fight back?!?” #MeToo #WhyIDidntFightBack

Sigh…

I really didn’t want to write this blog. I figured my last blog, I’d do the topic justice regarding rape and sexual harassment and why people don’t come forward to report sexual harassment and rape, regardless of socio-economics, gender and ages of the perpetrators, among many other factors.

I figured I’d do what I can, to help others and then be able to walk away.

Shortly after I published my blog, the ONLY hateful thing I got about what I wrote, was someone, insinuating that it would’ve been “unlikely” for me to be a rape victim and asking me to define, what I  “defined”  as rape.

Which relcutantly I did, by additionally adding a clarification, on my last blog. It wasn’t to help myself. It was with great trepidation, as I explained that both my parents and my children are on the internet, including my teenage daughter, who has NO idea that this has happened to me. And NO ONE had known all the details, the VERY little I’ve talked about this both in my personal life and the little I’ve brought up, as an a activist/blogger.

I’ve seen though enough misguided dialogue on social media and the media in general,that I will explain a few things about how not only is it insensitive at best, but at worst, it re-victimizes victims of rape and sexual harassment when it’s questioned and debated ad nauseum, why they don’t fight back.

Let alone say anything at all, and maybe this will add necessary feedback to what’s needed in the dialogue of prevention of rape and sexual harassment, as well as making it a safer society for victims to come forward.

When I was raped in January of 1996, I didn’t fight back, because while I was very heavy, my rapist had 40 lbs on me and also had said he wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t.

He also had an established career in the MILITARY (I’m not demonizing his profession in any way, other than it was why I didn’t feel it would’ve been worth the risk to fight back).

I had a young child, to think of. Who then, I couldn’t be his mother, if I was DEAD. I didn’t trust the fact he said he wouldn’t hurt me physically, because for one, he already had and while I was seriously violated physically and emotionally, I at least didn’t increase my odds, of unrecoverable physical injury or death, which I’m not blaming those who do fight back and seriously hurt, if not killed, (of course,if it prevents rape and assault, I’m grateful that was that person’s result)  it’s just my mindset at the time, was I had to survive this and go on with my life, in hopes that I could at least walk away from this.

I’ve seen since my experience in the mental health system, people though who are 90 lbs be able to beat the crap out of someone’s a foot taller and 100 lbs more than them, due to RAGE.

So all I have to add at this point, while the dialogue that’s happening is SO necessary, be VERY careful on what people say either clearly or insinuate, of why others should’ve fought back or that if they were in that situation that they would’ve, is extremely HARMFUL.

For more than one reason, as I’ve tried to highlight.

I can’t speak for everyone who’s been a victim and/or would rather consider themselves just a survivor of rape and sexual harassment, of why they didn’t fight back and or what their triggers going forward, are.  I can only speak for myself. Only they can tell you their stories and hopefully they will be listened to, with sensitivity and their physical and emotional safety, going forward.

But I’d ask, for those who’ve NOT experienced any type of rape, physical assault or harassment, aren’t a clinically trained professional and/or law enforcement professional who hasn’t worked with victims, of choosing words carefully when you question any aspect of an assault, no matter what the circumstances ARE.

Especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, when it comes to “Why didn’t you fight back?!?!”

Note: I’m pubishing this blog, with great tredpidation, in hopes it helps others. I do the activism that I do, to help other people. I’m not saying I’m better or worse than anyone, in my case, where with my disability sets, I don’t monetize anything that I do, nor do I crave being in the spotlight in any way.

I feel strongly enough, that it’s worth for me to try to help others by chiming in this dialogue, to risk attention, this way. I’m only doing so, because I truly believe it can help other people.

I’m also making it clear, with like most of my blogs, any comment that’s not constructive and respectful, will NOT be published. Thanks!!!

Edit/Additional Note: When I created #WhyIDidntFightBack, it was to open the door of giving victims/survivors a means of telling their stories, not being able to forecast of how many people will read this blog.

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Enough with the male bashing, already!!!!

I’ve been wanting to write a blog about the misandry if not the androphobic sentiments that I see on a daily basis, on the internet.

What I try to do when it comes to size acceptance is to make it clear, that you don’t have to put down one body type, to help gain acceptance for another.

I don’t know why doing something to bring up reverse sexism , as it applies to men, people accuse me of not only of not being a feminist but actually  being misogynist.

Here’s the pic that’s gone viral, apparently it was a picture shared on Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Facebook page, awhile ago, but I’ve seen the same picture, in my newsfeed on Facebook, no less than a dozen times in the last 24 hours, which is finally getting me to write this blog. Because I’ve had enough of the misandry, if not androphobia that I see on a daily basis.

drlaura

Can you imagine the media shitstorm, if this was in reverse and said  “A man can’t change a woman, because he loves her, a woman changes herself for a man because she loves him”???

Or how about this lil gem that keeps going viral???

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Can you imagine the backlash against men, if they posted a version of a stereotype that led to violence toward a woman???

I understand that there’s still a glass ceiling when it comes to pay. I understand the horrific statistics of male perpetuated violence against women.

However men can be victimized violently by a woman. You can’t hold every male on the planet, responsible, for the horrible things that only SOME men do. We can’t keep talking about reducing violence, without acknowledging that we don’t have a safe society for a male, young and old, or even a female, who’s been victimized by another female to get support and/or taken seriously.

I was having a conversation with my son (he’s almost 23), about a month ago about dating. He’s finding that it’s REALLY confusing to date. And I can’t blame him, for having that confusion, that other men have told me about, as well. One young lady he was talking to, got mad at him because he didn’t say anything complimentary about her looks, enough. Well that’s because the last young lady he had been chatting with, he gave her compliment and she went ballistic in saying she wasn’t just a piece of ass.

I honestly couldn’t tell him what to do or even what to say. I said, some, if not most  women want the compliments about their appearance, with acknowledgement and/or compliments about their personality and or intelligence. But it varies drastically depending with women, even if he’s dealing with ONLY one female.That it’s possible one day she’ll get pissed if he doesn’t compliment her enough, the next day, she’ll be pissed if he compliments her at all.

Unfortunately, that’s not a misogynist comment that I made to him. It’s a fact. As much as we can see, in the digital era when people are blogging about bad dates with men who are jerks, most men who are considered nice guys,  can’t say anything about a bad date, that’s if they can get one,  because they will look like a sexist pig. Even if they don’t or wouldn’t  say anything negative about a woman due to appearance and/or weight, they are in a no win situation.

As bad of crap I’ve had to hear about myself, as far as looks and my weight from men, I’ve had 10 times more appearance hating on me, from a female. I see female bashing other females, ALL THE TIME on social media.

The stereotyping and reverse sexism, needs to stop. And we need to acknowledge that we are living in a society that continues to send mixed messages to everyone. And we finally need to have a dialogue about the misandry and androphobia, that’s out there.

Bringing this up doesn’t make any less of a feminist.

What it does make me, is a concerned human rights activist/advocate. Who believes in true gender equality.

Note: Again…. Any comments that are respectful, will be posted. Any comments that are triggering to any population of people, will not be posted.

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