It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for December, 2019

If you could have #superpowers what would they be???

Okay, my blogs have been kind of on the serious side lately…

I need to write a concise and hopefully somewhat thought provoking and fun blog.

So I ask, if you could have superpowers what would they be, if you’d have to be you in every other way?

I’d want the ability as a recluse that does care for fellow human beings to have the ability to telepathically transmit the belief that everyone has the right to a peaceful, fun and safe life, regardless of religion, race, profession, socio-economics, gender/sexual identification, weight and/looks.

To anyone who needs to believe that.

Otherwise I’d absolutely suck as a superhero, as anything else would require leaving my home or being with people for an extended period of time.

Also what are great quality/qualities that you already have?

Important Note: Hopefully if people don’t have anything positive to contribute with this blog, they won’t contribute anything at all. Thanks…

 

#badjew …

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Important Disclaimers: I am not a clinically trained a medical or mental health professional, nor do I have any training in law enforcement or public safety.

This blog WILL be offensive to most decent people, however.

BUT,  you’re NOT my target audience.

Potential homicidal anti-semitic and police hating cowards ARE.

I’m willing though for once to USE mocking hateful cowards to try and fight hate, if I can’t appeal to any sense of decency,   especially if it has a chance to save someone’s life.

As well as as use of some profanity…

I do not want to hurt though anyone who’s hurting from any kind of hate or might find my way of trying to combat hate with an unconventional approach, so if that’s possible, please don’t read. Thanks.

***

I’ve been OBSESSED with above trailer for the new Wonder Woman trailer.

Not that I am into movies that much, cause of my stupid fucking disabilities.

I’m more like Wonder “What The Fuck She Is” Woman.

I only have ONE thing in common with the amazing Gal Gadot, who stars in it.

We both can read that picture above the link for the trailer.

That’s what happens when you learn Hebrew.

Which is usually happens to us Jews, whether born in Israel (like her) or me (Brooklyn) .

One of the reasons I’ve been obsessed with trailer is the distraction, is from the latest massacre that happened in Jersey City.

Where people were ambushed and executed  for being Jewish and  in law enforcement.

I don’t have really have any redeeming qualities, as a Jew or a human being for the matter.

As my title of my blog isn’t referring to Jews being bad, it’s my being a bad Jew, very unintentionally.

Well, with exception of my fucking pesky belief  that EVERYONE has the right to a safe and peaceful life, regardless of religion, race, gender/sexual identification, political beliefs, profession, weight and looks, etc.

That belief is not extended though to homicidal haters, though.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try and see if there’s anyway if they can’t be talked out of their hatred, and if I can’t, that it at least doesn’t have a body count.

If I had a superpower though, it would be that everyone would believe that everyone has a right to a safe and peaceful life.

Well the good side of me, would want that.

Less ethically, I’d also wish that haters would not have access to any kind of valuable contribution from a group that people hate on.

Whether it’s to the extent that people who hate on Jews or anyone due to bigotry, for example would lose the ability to see Wonder Woman or any movie, music, television show or any kind of media, that came to be by someone who fell in the category of that bigotry.

Or more seriously, a potential homicidal hater has a medical emergency and/or is a victim of a crime  and loses the ability to contact ANY first responders or seek medical attention or law enforcement protection, as well as judicial due process and protection from people who fall into the category of their bigotry.

That would be the most fucking coolest superpowers, IMNSHO.

Like,  EVER….

Sadly for me, the only things I have resembling superpowers, is that I’m really good as suicide prevention and public safety activist.

And I’m probably 1 of 3 non clinically trained people in the entire fucking world who can comprehensively help a patient in a bariatric surgical crisis medically and mentally get through that kind of unique clusterfuck of a medical event.

IF,  I can’t appeal to any sense of decency for potential homicidal haters to not physically or mentally harm people and have a prayer of redirecting that hate to do good, just think if someone you end up killing, had the power to change your life or that of someone you love’s life for the better, if not save it?

You won’t ever know though, if your hate becomes deadly and it kills others and possibly yourself.

You won’t ever know the damage that you will cause the people who love you, who aren’t aware of your deadly rage and bigotry, when the chances are high, if you aren’t suicidal yourself, you’re going to probably be killed, justifiably so, when trying to carry out a massacre.

And it won’t matter anything good you’ve ever done, if you end another’s life or cause undue and unjustified physical or emotional harm due to hatred.

It’s not possible for everyone to love each other.

But it’s never worth it to hate someone, let alone try to cause emotional and physical harm and/or death, that’s a waste of energy that if redirected to do good or at least not harm, that is so much cooler.

And a lot less cowardly and reprehensible.

Important Note: Anything that isn’t constructive will NOT be published. Any kind of threat, as death threats aren’t new to me, will reported to law enforcement. As while I’m not the world’s greatest person, I have actually saved people’s lives and some would feel a loss, if I wasn’t around to try and keep doing that…

For those suffering because of the skin they’re in or for what is contained in it…

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional or have any education in law enforcement or public safety.

I will always encourage people in medical and mental health crisis, if they are in danger in hurting themselves or others to contact emergency services, immediately to get evaluation and treatment.

While this blog is somewhat personal in nature and will not just tie some of the things I’ve written in not only the last week, month, year but in over the 6 years I’ve been blogging, I’d bet in some form or another, while not everything I’ve gone through that others can relate on a deeply personal level, but I’m sure quite a few can to some of the things that I’ve gone through.

***

Late yesterday afternoon, I threw on some clothes to run to the convenience store as today and the next few days we are supposed to experience some inclement weather, similar to the bad weather we had in Minnesota over last Thanksgiving weekend.

I grabbed a bag of garbage to throw out on my way.

I live 4 blocks away from U.S. Bank Stadium, home of the Minnesota Vikings and there was a game yesterday.

I had waited about 90 minutes after the game ended to leave and after I threw out my garbage I lit a cigarette in the alley between my building and the commercial parking lot.

As I was walking by there, there was a family that I assumed that had parked their car for the game and they were having a snowball fight.

The parents (well I guess I’m assuming) and the child who had to been about 8 years old, stopped throwing snowballs and for about 30 seconds just stopped to silently stare at me, like I was some kind of scary smoking creature.

As a person, I probably would’ve not taken offense as while I wasn’t close enough to them where my smoking should’ve been that issue for a child, even though one of the snowballs grazed me.

Had they not given me the judgemental silent scare and would’ve apologized, I would’ve probably politely told them they were throwing dirty old snow, filled with pigeon pee and feces, as well as human, in addition to how much filth snow can collect in a parking lot that had received a lot of snow, the week prior.

The thing is, I get odd looks now because I’m not attractive or visually appealing in any way.

I turned 50 exactly a week ago, but about 2 years ago, I kind of with my medical health issues had to let my appearance go, not just within regards to weight, but not trying anymore nor caring about my appearance.

As it’s just super tough on a really bad day, which I stay at home, but never having any good days where I physically feel good, to make it through the day due to my medical disabilities, which can leave me vulnerable, when getting out, so my concern the little I get out, is not to fall or faint like I do at home, going in more detail in my last 2 blogs.

It would be easier to accept my outwardly appearance if I didn’t physically feel so bad on the inside.

For someone who is a recluse for the most part in the last 2 years, my appearance sadly is problematic for other people.

It’s easier though to accept judgement from strangers, not easy but easier, as I get that they don’t understand that I’m more then the lazy ugly fat stupid slob they’ve pegged me to be, even though I’m not stupid or lazy.

It’s harder such as when I went to the ER last week and in January and they treated me based upon assumptions about my appearance given the fact that I could CLEARLY articulate my symptoms and the consequences of them.

It’s harder such as when I called 911 last Memorial Day Weekend due to a man making a terroristic threat, describing him perfectly but not myself and he had said he had thought about killing me and he was harassing me  as well as others after he left me alone and it’s not a stretch, should’ve the police came, while he still was harassing me,  for them to think somehow my contact with him was wanted and consensual when it was terrifying.

My skin is old. It’s dry from dehydration and ruddy.

I look so old and sickly, in addition to not being visually attractive in any any way.

I am hypersensitive to stimuli, so I feel like I’m on fire when it’s sunny out, whether it’s 9 degrees or 90, but am cold when I’m not in the sun and it’s less than 65 degrees out.

While most of the time, too much of it, in the last 18 years have spent projectile vomiting, I have eroded and missing teeth.

Because I am bloated in addition to being of weight, despite my inability to not eat much and throw up a lot, especially in the last year,  even when I haven’t ingested food, liquids or medicine, in addition to the severe chronic pain and headaches.

I’m not anti-people based upon the behavior of the people yesterday or the people who’ve bullied me for the last 45 years.

As I know there is a lot of good people in this world.

I’m not anti-physician, even though I’ve had bad experiences with a majority of  physicians most of my life due to being fat or when I was thin, the experiences weren’t much better because I had resorted to bariatric surgery to lose weight.

As I know there are a lot of good physicians and other medical staff, not just at the hospitals I’ve mentioned in my blog including Fairview, but nationally and around the world.

I’m not anti-police, as I’ve never had a bad encounter with any of our local police or any police officer in my entire life, just a non-existent encounter when there should’ve been,  last Spring.

And I didn’t need to be a niece of a former NYPD officer to feel that way.

But this is the way I DO feel…

And I’m sure other people who experience bias, bigotry and bullying for most of the lives, this is the thing I need to reiterate.

These ARE NOT isolated incidents for most of us.

I’ve been bullied lifelong thousands and thousands of times, primarily for what I look like, less so because I am Jewish and because I’m NOT a great Jew, quite a bit of that I’ve been bullied or biased against by people in that community.

It wasn’t any better when I was really smart, hardworking  and a “good girl” as when I was young, ironically I got bullied for being a goody-goody, especially a fat one.

I have spent way more time in my blog, talking about my mistakes and failures than that of others,  so that they don’t have the same consequences on other people, like they did to to me and those I love the most, no matter how unintentional some of those consequences were.

I wish though other people, in this day and age, would pay more attention on their lives and behavior that could hurt others than assumptions about mine, when they don’t know me and are making judgements based upon just what I look like, now.

I will literally NEVER be comfortable in this skin that I’m in.

To stay somewhat sane and to be able to fulfill the small but meaning purpose that I have as an activist, I’ve had to try at least be figuratively comfortable in this skin that I’m in and be grateful for what I still can do and what it contains, as poorly as I feel,  the little I do well.

I know I’m NOT the only one who struggles with bias, bigotry and bullying that has compromised my life and made it a lot harder than it had to be.

So for those who can relate, I wish this wasn’t a club we had membership in.

And for those who can’t relate and don’t realize that even if their hate is exclusive to even just one person, they aren’t alone in their quest to make another miserable.

Whether it’s another 2 people or 2,000 (which is more in the realm of how many people hate on me with such a limited online and offline presence, as I found out when doing activism several years ago and got picked on by a fat people hate group online) of people trying to hurt you in some way.

Nor did I have any better luck when right before my gastric bypass in 2001, I did try offline fat acceptance groups and wasn’t welcomed even though I made no mention that I had planned to have bariatric surgery, I never got even return hello, so I can’t blame that in that community for my personality, maybe because truthfully, I wasn’t fat enough.

And whether I’d lose another 60 lbs to be considered of a lower acceptable healthy weight or gain a 100 lbs to be considered possessing a more fat friendly exterior, I still would have little energy that comes with acceptance in most communities online and off, as it applies to current standards of beauty.

As on the rare day  if I can take a shower and get dressed, and do one activity, I’m absolutely exhausted without doing anything else, spending an hour doing my makeup or hair, ain’t gonna happen.

There is absolutely NOTHING  wrong with wanting to look and be at one’s best both inside and out, regardless of how much or how little space one takes up.

There is something terribly wrong and it needs to be said that trying to demean and shame  other human beings because they don’t fit another’s aesthetic or ideal that  can be irreversibly physically and emotionally damaging, if not life ending to another, if people can’t find it within themselves to stop judging, shaming and bullying others for looking and being different, especially when that difference has no consequence on how another lives THEIR life..

Important Note: Anything that could be hurtful to myself or any of my readers will NOT be published.

A few more observations about how flawed #mhealthfairview ‘s ER department is, then I’ll let this go…

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Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, this blog is more personal in nature but to make an activism point.

HOWEVER, I will always encourage people in medical and/or mental health crisis to seek immediate evaluation and treatment in acute care facility i.e. hospital.

But as a patient in a bigger body, who’s received inefficient and ineffective care when actually seeking emergent medical treatment, the only thing I can say and the reason why I’m still alive to say it, is I’ve had to fight harder to get treatment in the past, as well as the little I do now, to still be here to talk about this.

***

I can’t go back and try and re-edit my last blog which goes into great detail about a bad ER visit I had at Fairview U of MN’s ER on 12/4/2019, which I highlight more about the attending controlling physician being kind of misogynist and fat phobic but realizing I knew from the start I was going to have problems during that ER visit of not being taken seriously for the reasons why I was there.

It happened to be last Thanksgiving, exactly a week ago and last Saturday, I could eat a couple of bites of cereal or toast, then end up throwing up immediately or hours after, in addition to left quadrant and other mid abdominal pain.

The one thing I also had on Saturday and I have it every few months is a ventricular tachycardia episode.

I didn’t say anything though about my ventricular tachycardia episode because it’s normal for me and other people that I know of that have Gastroparesis after gastric bypass reversal (which is fairly common for us reversed peeps) , as well as those who have Gastroparesis who’ve never been overweight.

I, in 2016, weighed quite a bit less,but was sick of then the problems I had eating so I actually thought about having a total gastrectomy and started seeing GI at the U of MN.

So how I know I have Gastroparesis even though it’s not that I’ve been formally diagnosed with it, is that I actually had a gastric emptying study Summer of 2016 at the same hospital that I was in the ER last Tuesday, that indicated that I had Gastroparesis.

My weight fluctuates wildly for someone who hasn’t been thin for over 11 years, 18 years status post gastric bypass and over 9 years status post gastric bypass reversal.

While it’s not normal even for me, prior to my gastric bypass to every few years be up gaining and losing 40-80 lbs, it’s been that way since my reversal.

This is the issue and while I’m still going to file a grievance with my visit, even though there was no malice on the part of any of the hospital staff  and even I can understand where one of my symptoms I have that could be considered not acute (such as intermittent left quadrant pain for OVER a year) but paired with vomiting and syncope episodes and an honest belief that I had acute pancreatitis if not other issues, as I have every organ in my abdominal region including gallstones in gallbladder and my appendix is that I was treated due to my weight of last year which put be me in almost borderline MO BMI territory, is that I still do NOT have any ACTUAL co-morbidities of Obesity.

Just a big bloated fat body and it’s been way bigger in the last year, while I’m up almost 40 lbs since that stupid gastric emptying test in 2016, I’m down almost 50 lbs since my heaviest a year ago.

I had a great GI nurse practitioner at the U of MN, the reason why I stopped going to her or seeing a GI surgeon is that I refused to have a naso-gastric 24 hour monitoring test. And I was told the chances of my having a total gastrectomy for having a hard time eating and the little that I could eat of it feeling being stuck forever, wasn’t going to happen.

In late Winter of 2017, I actually saw a GI surgeon at HCMC, about a ventral hernia repair and realized I wasn’t even going to do that, because I found the hospital scary even though the surgeon was great and didn’t want an inpatient procedure there.

I do not have the sanity points do keep seeking acute and non acute care, when it seems like most physicians can only see my Obesity or overweight and try to diagnose disease or syndromes based upon having a larger body that doesn’t have ANY of those diseases.

Or they use the fact I have mental health issues and/or the fact I get pain meds to make assumptions about me medically and mentally that are just NOT true and aren’t evident in behavior or tests.

My long term boyfriend who’s never been overweight, eats like crap actually does have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and Diabetes due to family history that is well controlled with medication.

He however NEVER has to put up the with the shit I do, the little I seek medical attention in the last several years by any medical professional or physician.

For someone in my case where I had a great bariatric surgeon and still have a great PCP who are Fairview doctors, the Obesity and Opiate obsession by most of the physicians and medical staff that has existed not just at this hospital and their ER department, but across the board, is appalling.

I get that it was medically evident that I didn’t need to be at the ER on Tuesday.

The problem is, the next time it might be medically evident that I should be in an ER or seek specialty care, I will NOT go and really no one could blame me.

Nothing I’m saying shouldn’t ever prevent any physician from catching what could be in me or another patient an Obesity related medical event.

But I’ll never actually get diagnosed and treated effectively  based upon bias and barriers by even the most qualified physicians if they are going to base my medical care upon what I look like or find that I’m not credible based upon something like BMI, a non violent mental health history and current medication regimen that doesn’t contain medication for ANY Obesity related diseases.

I hope this spares any larger patient from having the same problems I’ve had in getting medical care, but it’s even worse when someone is heavy post bariatric surgery, is heavy and despite best attempts can’t get their body weight down, even though they can’t eat much and quite often, anything to have to keep going through crap.

The health issues are bad enough.

Not being believed and/or taken seriously, is actually worse, though.

So that a cyclical vomiting fat patient NEVER gets treated horribly by an ER doctor, especially the same one, THREE times in the last 9 1/2 years at #FairviewHealth…

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(Above picture taken 2004/2005 when in school to become a NASM CPT after discovering a love of exercise 3 years status post rny, loving the endorphin high first and the results from being fit, 2nd, even though I had duodenal ulcers than, severe nutritional deficiences and severe reactive hypoglycemia )

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(picture of me 11-2016, when I still walked 5-10 miles a day 3 to 4x a week, stopped a year later when pain levels caused falling risks, nothing compared to how much I’ve fallen, thrown up, can’t eat much, in the last year, 6 years status post reversal at the time of picture, 9 years post reversal, 18 post rny, now and I look much worse now and can’t care).

Important Disclaimers: I am not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. I am considered and recognized favorably in my activism that has saved other people’s lives when in medical and mental health crisis that is rooted in horrific gastric bypass complications.

I also do activism that is centered around physicians, other healthcare workers, first responders and police officers to be safe in their workplaces.

However when  obesity bias and potentially other biases effects the potential medical and psychological wellbeing and could be a threat to a patient’s life, I have a problem and grievance wise, so should the attending physician who I saw earlier today, who didn’t remember me, but will hopefully will NOT forget me and what he did past and present, now.

***

Dr. Klos,

This is about my visit 12-4-2019 and other visits in 2010 where unfortunately for the both of us, I had to deal with you thankfully just once yesterday  around 12:20 pm when you let me know you were discharging me.

You came in after 2 hours of my being at Fairview, after coming in complaining of left quadrant pain, severe abdominal vomiting last weekend, which I wasn’t going to go the ER during a long holiday weekend that had winter weather hazards that caused tons of car accidents and other seasonal related injuries and my birthday  on Monday (which I’ll explain in greater detail, as I go along).

The original resident I saw was kind. I think all the hospital staff was kind except you.

The issues of bouncing back with the vomiting, not being able to eat much for the last year and that left sided abdominal pain that I get whenever I eat and the labs I had being normal, when I kind of copped an attitude of why I was in the ER earlier today, you used my labs being normal, as well as the abdominal x-ray being normal without a lot of patience or kindness.

I said that I waited til today, went NPO after 8pm, which I had to explain several times to your staff, as I know what NPO means, didn’t drink any liquids, take any meds and ate very little yesterday or ingest anything orally.

I knew fairly early like an hour within my getting roomed, I wasn’t believed, as even when I was given an IV and being clear that I was nauseous and couldn’t give a urine sample due to how little I ate and drank yesterday and that I felt I was dehydrated that I wasn’t even given a bag of fluids and I didn’t ask for anything else except a diagnostic, which I did get an x-ray which ruled out acute pancreatitis.

As we were rounding out our conversation with you both and the resident and I made a comment about just quitting eating and drinking as I could do that for a long time, as I have in the past, it just leads me to faint and fall on a regular basis you made the comment “well don’t quit drinking fluids”.

I would’ve been more devastated, except in the last year especially, my weight while I’ve lost over 40 lbs without trying, I’m very bloated and am significantly larger at this weight in size than I have been in the past, while I have a obese bmi, I look closer to being morbidly obese, even though I still haven’t had any co-morbidities due to obesity, ever.

I saw you in the ER in June of 2010, I had horrible labs then, I had duodenal bleeds you did nothing about, even though I had been admitted 2 weeks before that visit, which was either my 2nd or 3rd admission and I was directly admitted a few days later by my bariatric surgeon due to intractable abdominal pain and projectile vomiting dozens of times a day even though I was obese then.

When I ended up seeing you the day before Thanksgiving in 2010, I honestly thought you’d take me more seriously, I was almost 3 months post open rny reversal, still with severe abdominal pain and intractable vomiting, it took you hours after begging to order diagnostics and after they were done, I had been there for so long, I unhooked my IV and quietly left the hospital, not trusting that I’d be helped anymore, as I had to fight too hard and for too long that day to get the help I did.

Then the day after Thanksgiving 2010, received a phone call saying I needed more diagnostics and ended up 12-2-2010 on my 41st birthday still with intractable abdominal pain and projectile vomiting of not being able to go through with a scheduled EGD by my bariatric surgeon who ended up having to order a PICC line, as I still had bad labs and was so dehydrated, as no one could get an IV in me that day, after 3 people trying 5 times.

You Dr. Fat Phobic are a dangerous physician to any female with a bmi over 24. I could understand having some kind of issue with a patient who’s had similar symptoms over the last year that are only getting worse.

I cannot though understand you thinking fat patients should never be able to eat again.

Or not believing even though I have normal labs now and am absorbing the little I can eat and drink, you didn’t take me any more seriously over  NINE years ago.

I did become suicidal and did try once in August of 2008 to intentionally overdose after living with intractable abdominal pain and intractable vomiting for 6 years.

I was also again suicidal in 2010, because of my awful bariatric surgical complications but  I had a parent lose a sibling 6 months prior to reversal and already knowing what trying to commit suicide did to my family, fought much harder than I should’ve had to had to, to stay alive in 2010

I do not make myself get sick on purpose, I don’t go to the ER because I’m bored or lonely or looking to score opiates. I very seldom seek medical attention at this point, filed a DNR 9/2018 with my absolutely amazing long term  Fairview PCP in Princeton and filed a body bequeathment to FUMC, realizing as a long term smoker (not saying I’m perfect, but it’s hard to think of quitting smoking when I can’t really do anything else) earlier this year vs. being an organ donor, so even in hopes after my death I can help physicians.

My life though is dedicated to helping patients in crisis. I have people all over the world who are in bariatric crisis, need a reversal, are terrified about getting fat and I’m really good at helping them get through the reversal process, so that they can remain ALIVE and after reversal navigate through that.

I’m really good at helping bariatric patients who have bariatric surgical regret, mourn using food as a coping mechanism, become suicidal, who want a reversal to explain why it’s not going to be done and can get them with other help, to see the good things about the weight loss process and that they will lose the bariatric surgical regret and enjoy the good things that can come from having a bariatric surgery and weight loss.

I’m good at helping patients who become suicidal due to bias with obesity and chronic pain, to get professional help but not let the bias by physicians realize they aren’t alone, especially for those like me where I’ve had issues with weight gain not being able to eat and having very few doctors believe me, but my bariatric surgeon at U, did believe me.

I hope there is an adminstrative process, as if I have to adapt to not eating anymore, having to give up that a normal weight loss process will follow and having to deal with a life that leaves me homebound, in an enormous amount of pain due to not being able to take in fluids, meds and food, I guess so be it.

But I’ll be damned that I survived what I did and to let you do a THIRD time to me, to another patient who DOES NOT have a voice or any recognition of just despicable your attitude towards fat patients are.

And not only is despicable but it’s potentially deadly should a heavier patient in medical crisis and/or mental health crisis, have to be dependent on your flawed judgement due to your bias for their care and it potentially ruin their life, if not end it.

I really hope that Fairview Health makes this right so that no other patients ever have to go through what I’ve done with this physician, not saying physician should lose their job, but is in dire need of the dangers of their severe fat bias.

Alissa “Lisa” Kasen /”unstapledlisa”  d.o.b. 12/2/1969, my email and phone are correct in mychart, if anyone wants to address this at Fairview and hopefully this WILL be addressed with attending….

Important Editorial Note: After 5 hours of publishing, I know with the attending I saw earlier today, that I did see him 2 other times in 2010. The time and circumstances I haven’t gone back and verified yet on my medical records as far as the June 2010 instance, even though I did see him then and it could’ve been in the first admission I had in June of 2010, but I do remember not being taken seriously being an obese patient who was super sick in an ER and how devastating that was.

I will edit when I have the time and hopefully feel slightly better to clear up dates. As many doctors I saw with 6 admissions and countless ER visits in 2010, I do know how bad that particular ER doctor made me feel and how unlucky I felt that I had to deal with him twice in 2010, how much shame and sadness my encounters made me feel then, only lessened today as far as shame because it’s not mine to bear and I should’ve never had to worry when I having the labs of a starving person in 2010 and prior, to have an ER doctor justify that because my bmi fell in the obese category and I was clearly not aesthetically pleasing as well as credible about how bad my complications were, even though they were in my medical records at that time.

Additional Important Edit/12-5-2019 After seeing past reviews when researching attending physician this morning  and reading about him engaging in unacceptable ways with trauma patients, which I was NOT, while I knew I’d make an inquiry to file a formal grievance with the U of MN, as well as I’m not protecting his clearly misogynist fat phobic tendencies so I’ve actually added his name and hopefully through the right process future patients will not be at risk for further potential medical and psychological harm by this physician, at least in Emergency Medicine.

I also was not able to access my 2010 records electronically, hopefully they will get pulled during the grievance process, or that they exist somewhere if not online.

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