It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for March, 2018

A kinda (but positive) belated review of UR/ER for HCMC/#hennepinhealthcare…


Disclaimers; I’m writing this blog in hopes that it helps both patients and providers of what used to be formerly called Hennepin County Medical Center but is now called Hennepin Healthcare.

The last blog that I did about HCMC, was NOT good in 2014. It wasn’t because a doctor that I had seen who was super kind, but she refused to treat me at all in the Urgent Care even though I didn’t want to go to their ER, so I left without any care, because their ER did and still scares me, but hopefully the insight I give can help what was great respectful attention by their physicians, something I’m not used to getting as a former “frequent flyer” at Fairview University Medical Center, for teaching purposes, if they or other patients who are local can find any value in this blog.


February of 2018 was not a fun a month medically or with anxiety.

I’m not shy about being a medical activist of sorts, but one who loathes seeking ANY kind of medical attention at all, but especially with any provider that I have no previous history with, such as my Fairview PCP who’s been my doctor for like almost 20 years now, but is 50 miles away from where I live.

I’m a complex patient with a lot of quirks.

The one good thing is I am fully aware of what my barriers are and at the same time can identify pretty clearly what’s a barrier but also what could be a potential medical event in me.

I ended up with an episode of A-fib with no cardiac history that actually didn’t send me to the UR or ER about 2 weeks prior to the visit I had on 2-28-2018.

I did end up going to the Urgent Care originally on that date when I had severe radiating upper quadrant pain and for a long term gastric bypass (and reversal!!!) patient, I still not only have my gallbladder, but appendix and tonsils, pretty much all my parts I was born with.

The nice urgent care PA that I saw originally did want to send me over to the ER. He knew my hesitancy though, so he did everything to rule out stuff he could in the Urgent Care by doing an EKG and chest x-ray which was normal and then he strongly suggested I go over there and this time I decided to do so, knowing my youngest’s birthday was in 4 weeks and if something was wrong but easily correctable, I didn’t want to be super sick and ruin her birthday.

The hardest part for seeking medical attention in an acute care setting truthfully boiled down to this particular reason:

Last time I was in an ER was at HCMC in 11/2014, 2 days prior to above mentioned UR visit first due to intractable projectile vomiting then for what felt like could be pneumonia or apsirating the vomiting.

Last time I was in an ER at FUMC was over 5 years ago and it was so bad, the ER doctor treated me like a drug seeking hypochondriac who resented that I got my PCP involved and sent me home not knowing I’d be stuck having to get home in a cold snow storm walking while weak and in an altered state of consciousness due to severe pain for a mile,  prior to the Blue Line being built as I couldn’t obtail a medical ride home (something I’m eligble for but there was no availability at that time of night) , got lost on campus and it took me 2 hours to find a bus that would get me home, even though I only live 2 miles away and put me at further risk.

I never held against that doctor of not suspecting at the time my medical event, which was to get worse was due to an IUD (Mirena, which I ended up Mirena crashing) but I had a lot of severe symptoms such as projectile vomiting blood and intractable atypical migraines (for me, as I do have a migraine history) that she didn’t run one diagnostic on me, in 2/2013.

Truthfully the nurse I ended up having last month was kind of a jerk (I’ll elaborate more, later).  I was nervous and slightly wordy and I think I got on his nerves.

The resident and the doctor in charge though of the ER, was AWESOME.

They were patient and kind, they took me at my word (it also helped with my history of not seeking frequently acute attention) that I was in a lot of unusual pain for me.

They didn’t label me and they didn’t make me feel bad, being at a level 1 trauma center, when it ended up being a potential gallbladder attack.

The ONLY disconcerting thing about the visit was that my anxiety was high because there was patients who were out of control, such as one screaming patient being restrained to a gurney, the other was screaming and wandering around the ER.

When that happened, I did tell my nurse I was going to have a cigarette because I was having an enormous amount of anxiety and a terrible panic attack and when I went to do that the first time, the nurse was kind of a jerk.

FUMC will NOT let you out of the ER, once you’re roomed and I sorta get it, unless you’re not on IV narcs which I wasn’t on nor was I asking for.

But the nurse didn’t seem to understand that with other wandering patients, I didn’t want to appear to be a security risk, as a stupid smoker nor did I want any doctors having to go look for me, as I had a diagnostic that still needed to be done.

When the 2nd time I went to have a cigarette and told the same uncaring nurse, the resident in charge of my care, overheard and said that she would be in after I came back.

She made no judgement about my smoking outside, when in an ER, she got that I was trying to be respectful of her time and was super kind, respectful and caring.

Because I live only 2 blocks away and my anxiety was high, it was okay with her, after my ultrasound that showed gallstones, that I could go home, but with the understanding I’d come back if there was something wrong with my bloodwork, which I appreciated.

A few days later when I spoke to my PCP on the phone and was explaining the difference in quality of care between hospital systems, because I needed a referral to a general surgeon for a potential cholesysectomy, if not a hernia repair (I’ve had a hernia for the last 7 years because of my open rny reversal) she asked what hospital to do it for.

She understood that I’d rather go to a hospital where the patients scare me a lot. than the doctors do. That I’d be okay with an outpatient procedure at HCMC vs. FUMC because the quality of care in consideration, is better.

I don’t think either hospital system is going to read this blog, even though I will forward it to HCMC, okay, now called Hennepin Healthcare, as while it’s not for me to second guess a hospital that has a psych ER, of why patients are in a medical unit, maybe that needs to be addressed first as medical issues being addressed, before they get transferred to psych.

But I am good patient. I’m honest that I’m not fully compliant in things. I know my traits, such as if I’m nervous, even if I’m sick, will make anxiety prone and pace and I’ll explain that to medical staff, in case it scares them.

I’m also super polite and respectful of authority unless a doctor treats me like total crap and while I can be blunt and abrasive, I’m not abusive nor do I have any violent tendancies other than I can be mean in my wording, when super provoked, and if that happens (which it has multiple times in the ER at FUMC, I’ve just disconnected an IV in an ER of saline and gone home, that’s it, it’s a big deal but doesn’t make me a safety threat to anyone other than myself but I get treated like I’m a safety threat potentially to the entire hospital, short of security being called).

The only thing I do want to get across to Hennepin Healthcare, is that truthfully, even though I’m a mental and medical health advocate and blogger, I AM afraid to be in their ER and I’m afraid to have an inpatient procedure there, as truthfully I’d admit, I’m not above being admitted and wanting, if not leaving,  to go home, if I’m scared enough and I get that where that can be disconcerting if not a liability to a hospital, but I can’t stay somewhere when vulnerable but not feeling safe.

But I’ll take my chances at Hennepin Healthcare vs. FUMC  where I trust that the respect will be there and I’m not so quick to be labeled.

At least if it’s outpatient care and that’s something I hope they will address further within their hospital as far as potential safety risks to patients and appreciate that the time I’ve taken, because I wasn’t given any kind of followup inquiry on how the service was for that UR/ER visit, that they take both in consideration my appreciation of their kindness but my fear of unstable patients not being monitored closely and a burnt out ER nurse who had absolutely NO reason to be rude to me.

Note: I realize this was SUPER  wordy. I couldn’t convey anything of due importance in giving feedback that read like a Tweet.

Gastric Bypass Reversals 501- ADVANCED/ Important information regarding Gastric Bypass Reversals…


Disclaimers: I’m NOT  a clinically medical or mental health professional. PERIOD. I have some leeway, over other bariatric patients in the bariatric community as a whole, because given the length of time I’ve been helping people when it comes to subject matter. While I will always tell people in medical and/or mental health crisis to seek clinically trained guidance, when it comes to anything, including a gastric bypass reversal, I have some leeway, given that I’m so public about my reversal and for how many people I’ve helped.

For as much as I’ve been blogging, I’ve noticed a strange trend on here, as of late.

While I’m fully aware, that most of my topics are relevant usually to Americans, usually my bariatric surgery related blogs, reversal themed or not, get read a lot in outside the United States, primarily in Europe.
A strange trend though has taken place, in the last several months, though.

A lot of my reversal blogs are being read in Asia and Africa.

Without a followup personal query.

Which is leaving me quite perplexed.

As there is only really a handful of us, who’s talking about gastric bypass reversals, where it reaches a global scale.

That would be myself, my social media bud Sue Joan (who helped me enormously when I had my reversal) and Frankenbelly Misty Trask, who also vlogs and blogs about reversals, and is an amazing ally in support, as well as her desire to help, has led her to start a dedicated reversal support group on Facebook, for the last several years that she runs.

There are other people of course, but us 3, are usually the ones who are contacted the most, globally.

As well as the book that Dani Hart wrote, well over a decade ago, regarding gastric bypass  reversals, but I haven’t found her on social media, at all.

Most people, if they have any kind of curiosity about a gastric bypass reversal, would be surprised to know that I spend almost as much time equally talking someone OUT of wanting a gastric bypass reversal, than into one.

Also, while I had a bariatric surgeon who was nationally AND globally ranked (as he teaches procedures outside of the U.S. or at least he used to) and regarded who did both my gastric bypass and reversal, I absolutely KNOW nothing that might translate well, in helping others, who and/or where the surgery procedures for both bariatric surgeries and takedowns of them in other countries/continents (other than vertical sleeve gastrectomies which are not reversible but they also are usually considered the least invasive of bariatric surgeries, even with approximately  80% of the stomach being removed), that there is some kind of irony, that my reversal has gotten so much global attention.

This though, is NOT why I’m writing this blog.

I’m writing it, because I do have a desire that NO ONE goes through the reversal process, if surgically indicated that it’s necessary, alone.

But truthfully, this is where the “advanced” but doesn’t mean squat, comes in.

I couldn’t tell someone from a different country or continent anymore about any potential of a  predictable outcome because there’s no such thing, for a reversal, out of the country or continent, than I could if they were in North America or the United States.

I’m definitely NOT saying that I don’t possess the skill sets, even as a non clinically trained provider to metaphorically “hold someone’s hand”, while they go through the process.

I just can’t, just like NO ONE can, guarantee the length of recovery or what their recovery and ultimate  long term outcome can and/or will be or what it will look like.

That doesn’t mean that I’m going to not help people regardless of country or continent they reside in, of trying to help when I can.

The very nature of a reversal being needed, as I’ve tried to state, makes any kind of prediction on how an outcome, well, unpredictable.

That though is in no way expressing, that if a surgeon is recommending a reversal, a patient should not go through with it, because the outcome is unpredictable, it’s unpredictable but it’s life saving and life enhancing compared to the risk of potential deadly complications and or life ruining ones, if a serious intervention like a reversal doesn’t happen but it’s needed.

Just because I had a reversal from such a brilliant surgeon who teaches procedures all over the world, doesn’t make me an expert in all things regarding gastric bypass reversals, especially the physiology component.

I didn’t go to medical school and I’m NOT  a surgeon.

I just because of irony, bad luck and a desire to help others, possess the knowledge that very few peers would have, when it comes to this topic, that’s it.

It’s A LOT though.

Given how many people I’ve enormously helped in the last 7 1/2  years.

What may I suggest for sources of support and/or information, if a surgeon regardless of country and/or continent of residence in a bariatric patient suggests a gastric bypass reversal:

And unfortunately I can’t copy and paste links.

Use both search engines (i.e Google) and You Tube and there’s a ton of information in articles and videos.

While the surgeon videos are helpful, it’s also extremely helpful on You Tube to hear from others who’ve had reversals.

Note though, that there are patient limitations, as well as professional ones, on how much we can help specifically, for multiple reasons.

Such as our beloved Grace, who has videos on You Tube and various bariatric community threads and I’ve seen people write nasty things because she didn’t respond back on her videos and/or threads online.

Grace sadly passed away a few years ago, non reversal related.

People like Frankenbelly Misty Trask, she vlogs on You Tube and blogs, as well as admins that reversal support group on Facebook.

If you use a search engine you can find Sue J. ‘s work who’s been helping people with bariatric complications for many years by “googling” suesaysthings.

I blog about about reversals on this blog site and at Obesity Help.

But respect our limitations, OK?

We help because we believe in comprehensive  support. While nothing I do is monetized and I can only speak for myself, even for those who can monetize their support services, they aren’t making very much, if ANY money, if it’s peer support driven.

Be honest when asked questions by someone who’s trying to help you in this capacity, as far as one’s gastric bypass reversal.

We’re NOT asking because we’re nosy. I ask detailed questions, to a potential reversal patient, even though I’m NOT a clinically trained provider, to give the best support and insight as possible.

I can’t do that, if certain questions aren’t answered, when I ask them.

But if you choose to lie, realize whether it’s one of us peers or a clinically trained professional, most of us, have done this long enough, to know when someone is NOT being truthful.

For those who contact others about needing support and information, be RESPECTFUL.

I’m not, nor is others doing it for our own sake, other than wanting to provide valuable support.

I put boundaries that are necessary for everyone’s safety, both yours and mine.

As an activist especially, I have a duty to warn and protect and I take that very seriously.

IF I suspect that someone is behaving in a manner that could be harmful to themselves or others, I can’t nor can any peer or even clinical professional, resolve that, in an acute sense, I’m going to have to report any kind of suspicious or dangerous thinking and/or behaviors to emergency responders in one’s location.

That’s why I limit helping people to email queries, exclusively.

Although I’m pretty saavy on being able to find people, if I have their email address and I suspect they possibly will self harm.

I don’t give my phone number out any longer, because it/and myself was verbally abused, a long time ago.

For my sake, while I will try to participate when I see queries all over the internet, I’m NOT on social media, much.

But my blog is one of the first gastric bypass reversal resources that exists, when one uses a search engine.

The last thing and most important, know if you contact me, among others that I both named and not named, all of us try to help.

I know for me, I will with boundaries stated above, help someone to the best of my ability, for as long as it takes, to see them go through the reversal process with support and/or the opposite, where if someone has bariatric surgical regret, wants a reversal and they aren’t a candidate, because they mourn food as a coping mechanism, and I warn pre-ops they shouldn’t ever expect that their bariatric surgery can be reversed and support those who mourn food, in positive redirection knowing that a reversal may not guarantee an ability to return to eat normally, because those patients aren’t going to get one for that reason, as well as the other risks.

I don’t expect anything more except hopefully, respect and possibly a thank you for those I go out of my way to help.

But if I invest my time and my caring, just like any of us, to talk to someone for several months or if not several years on the internet and if one can’t be bothered to be respectful or grateful (luckily those people are few and far between) don’t get mad when you’re not in acute medical and/or mental health crisis, any longer, that I will sever contact at that point.

I don’t mind helping as much and as long as it takes to help someone, especially if they’re appreciative.

I do mind, and so will your surgeon, as well as it will set off warning bells, if one is belligerent to a person trying to help another.

As not only do I have my own problems, as well as other people I help who are in crisis but  grateful for my help,  a bariatric  surgeon will be concerned on doing any kind of surgery on a patient where they’re questioning a patient’s mental fitness and potential compliance of what a reversal takes, if a patient comes off rude, mean and/or a know it all.

I know this was wordy, but given again, the nature of how much this topic is still being researched, I figured it deserved another blog on how to best help patients when they need a gastric bypass reversal.

And when they don’t.

Note: I don’t mind constructive feedback. Any rude comments will NOT be addressed. Thanks!!!










The ONE superficial thing online that drives me NUTS…


Disclaimers: This blog is NOT  meant to do any kind of activism, it’s just meant to be funny and probably will contain profanity.

I notice a trend with my blogs, people like my funny side or my serious side if I use profanity or when I’m more trainwrecky.

But on the offchance, I make a valid life or death type of concise statement or observation, my blogs just don’t get read.

#1 Superficial thing that drives me NUTS about my online life???

Okay, I’ll back up a bit.

As I picked a “meme” that’s only appropriate, because this particular top annoyance involves businesses that I frequent that have loyalty/reward email clubs.


Meaning businesses that have loyalty/reward clubs and the benefits from them.

I HATE COOKING and I’m really bad at it on a GOOD day.

On a BAD day, I’m a fucking public safety hazard, in a kitchen.

So if you don’t have a ton of funds and you live in an expensive city with not a lot of options for groceries, I usually eat takeout or delivery until I fucking run out of money.

And yeah, it’s completely safe to assume, I am NEVER fucking going to blog about fiscal responsibility.

So, I join a lot of email clubs, cause I love a bargain, whenever I can get one, restaurants, retail, hospitality, blah blah.

And here comes my main annoyance with these clubs, that I’m taking a break from serious activism (partially for my peace of mind) to point out something that fucking seriously annoys me when joining them.

Especially restaurants and as a marketing major in the fucking olden days, I get it.

What I don’t fucking understand, in the internet ERA is why whenever I fucking join an email club, the year starts out with either fucking 1917 or 2018.

But that’s been the case for years.

And it’s seriously fucking annoying to scroll down to the year 1969.

Cause that’s about 412 fucking seconds of my life I’m not going to get back.

I’m HONESTLY not trying to be an ageist asshole.

I just would really like to fucking know, of how many 100 and 101 year olds and babies and fetuses are exactly joining these clubs???

SO, if anyone can fucking answer this pressing question of mine, I’d really like an answer.

Or feel free to share a superficial major annoyance of yours, as well…

Note: I love constructive dialogue. Or witty rapport.

What I fucking don’t love is ANY KIND of food, fitness and/or financial advice.


Note: I actually constructed a fairly well written blog, for once. Edits I made, didn’t take place before publishing and the 2 lapover words aren’t on me (for a refreshing change) , but on WP.

#StigmaKills : Another day, ANOTHER #MurderSuicide…


Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained professional. I will ALWAYS implore people in crisis to seek immediate clinically trained professional medical and mental health help and/or immediate help from law enforcement by calling 911.

The problem with above disclaimer, as exhibited in a blog from a few days ago and  with this particular blog,  which is to discuss another horrific murder/suicide that occurred on Tuesday, both involve members of the military who were in crisis.

I understand fully, that no one has asked me or expects a disabled blogger to solve complex crimes like murder/suicide or massacres.

But the problem IS, NO ONE is talking about it, from a professional point of view, in hopes to prevent these tragedies from occurring over and over again.

The horrific tragedy in California took place by someone who was actively seeking treatment but got kicked out of a program and there wasn’t any safety net, which I’m definitely not blaming anyone.

The horrific domestic murder/suicide that took place in the state of Washington, on Tuesday,was committed by a man, where it was talked about  a potential of marital discord, but the man after killing his family, had the horrible misguided enough sense of presence of mind to call 911, to report that he committed the murders and would be commiting suicide and THANK the first responders he spoke to, but NOT enough presence of mind to stop himself from killing his entire family and himself, in the first place.

When I went researching for initiatives, I found a lot of research, by both federal, state and educational entities on murder/suicide.

What I DID NOT find was INITIATIVES for PREVENTION of murder/suicides.

I hope those who are formally clinically trained in dealing with traumatic events of this nature, will speak up.

I hope that any news entity that reports these crimes, will question the lack of support systems for people in crisis who are capable of doing so much good in their lives, but then end innocent others lives and their own, in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE.

I hope that as many initiatives that need to take place to help prevent these tragedies, will FINALLY be created.

I learned when I volunteered in a battered woman’s shelter in my early 20’s, we were taught that the most deadly time for a battered victim was when they left their spouse.

25+ years later, that’s all changed.

Someone with NO record of domestic violence are now taking out their entire families for many complex reasons with NO warning signs and regardless of gender.

Or as ultimate revenge, letting the person they formerly loved but NOW hate, live, but killing the people that person loves the most, with NO warning signs.

Or there ARE warning signs but they are ignored, because no one wants to think of someone they love of being able to do such evil to them or another loved one of theirs.

We live in a society that NOW is showing CLEARLY, that a lot of people need help on how to constructively process hurt, rejection and rage, that doesn’t lead to innocent lives being lost.

And we need to start this when kids are young and continue to reinforce positive and constructive coping mechanisms when dealing with hurt, rejection and rage throughout our entire lives.

And we have to STOP sensationalizing these tragedies.

As they aren’t human interest stories or true crime, they ARE human tragedies.

I guess this my opinion on it.

One that I wish I could stop having to share over and over again.

I really wish though, if anyone has a better idea or a more qualified opinion, they would chime in with it, both on blog and like EVERYWHERE, because it’s really needed now, as these murder/suicides are tragically and senselessly, becoming a horrific daily event.

Note: I’m in NO WAY demonizing the service and sacrifices that our military makes for us, which I like anyone else, am eternally grateful for.

I’m only trying to constructively point out again, the need for more services needed for  both for military and civilians, to reduce the amount of horrific murder/suicides occurring on a daily basis.

Because again, it needs to be reiterated, that sometimes EVIL, can’t be prevented. But too many people who lived most of their lives trying to do good are ending others and their own lives in the worst ways possible and if there is any way to prevent this, we have to start somewhere and we have to start NOW.

So please, I encourage constructive dialogue, in hopes for preventing these tragedies.

Also note: I am though probably going to be taking a break from this topic for awhile, I’ve tried to do it justice, I just really can only hope that others way more qualified, finally chime in.

Important Update: At the time I both wrote and published this blog, the murder/suicide at UAB-Highlands Hospital had not started trending in any of the reputable news organizations I follow nationally and/or locally.

I can only reiterate what I said above and what I’ve said in the last week, month and last several years about  murder/suicide, not touch on 1/100th of them, if that.

I’m just hoping that these deaths do not continue to be in vain, that out of respect for victims and their families and friends, that comprehensive initiatives are created to try and combat this epidemic and horrific tragedies.

So this heartbroken disabled  activist is sending thoughts and prayers for victims, their families and friends,  as well as ideas for action and hopes others who possess the capacity to create concrete action, will do so.


What the NRA can do IMMEDIATELY to make people SAFER…


Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in any matters. I’m an activist who just puts her opinions into the digital universe, in hopes that it possibly helps save lives. I’m NOT looking to debate the 2nd amendment nor antagonize grieving communities due to loss of innocent lives due to horrific gun violence.

I’m just trying to wrack my feeble brain, for a solution where people can meet in the middle, to try to find solutions to end all these horrific tragedies that are becoming a horrifying daily reality in our American lives, that’s all.

IF I could ask the head of the CEO of the NRA, a few questions about a few scenarios, this is what I’d ask:

You have a young loved one who dies from anaphylactic shock, because they have a peanut allergy and a product that was cross contaminated accidentally, without warning and that loved one, dies.


You have a loved one who is killed in a car accident because a bar overserves a person too much alcohol, who gets behind the wheel, super drunk and ends up killing your loved one and/or multiple people and innocent people die.

Would you (i.e. the head of the NRA or any of its members) NOT take any action, whatsoever, in those circumstances???

I highly doubt it.

All I’m saying, is that when people sell and/or endorse strongly  a service or manfacture a product they should have an ethical commitment to making sure that product is being used as safe as possible.

ESPECIALLY when it comes to selling weapons and the general public.

I would NEVER own a gun, but I know and respect a lot of people who are proud card carrying members of the NRA.

Who’s judgement I trust enormously, without question or concern.

Instead of being defensive towards grieving communities who’ve lost their loved ones, maybe the NRA could educate more effectively the right way to be a responsible gun owner.

BECAUSE, when a product is being used to kill innocent people EVERYDAY, when innocent others are just going about their daily lives by people who are NOT in control of their lives or their mental fitness, or the product being used to kill, the NRA at this point can continue to double down on their right to own guns and blame the indvidual user.

OR maybe, the NRA could try educating users on responible gun ownership, because the NRA finally thinks of  innocent kids and/or teachers in a school being shot to death, and finally realize that could be their kid or loved one.

Or it could be their innocent loved one who goes to work or a movie and never comes back, due to gun violence.

It’s super easy to do, when the NRA has some  strong honest respected people, across partisan lines, who are responsible proud gun owners who could do PSAs encouraging responsible and ethical gun ownership.

And maybe if the NRA tried that, as well as denouncing those who do NOT use any kind of firearm responsibly, whether it’s a planned mass shooting or a heat of the moment domestic murder/suicide that could possibly save many innocent human lives.

And in maybe doing some kind of education in ethical responsible gun ownership, sponsored by the NRA, both within their communities and outside of them, instead of antagonizing grief stricken communities, we ALL can finally find some common ground to try and prevent all these horrific tragedies, from happening on a daily basis.

I’m NOT asking much, if you really think about it.

And if the NRA won’t bother at a bare minimum, with endorsing comprehensive responsible gun ownership education, then vote in state and federal legislators who WILL.

Note: Naive as blog may be, I’m trying to find some common ground solutions to these tragedies. Constructive dialogue, welcomed. No hate, please.

As I make absolutely NO APOLOGIES, when worrying about the rights to a safe life of a 2nd or 11th grader and/or an innocent adult versus people like mass murderers or  soverign citizens.



Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I a credentialed law enforcement expert.

Unfortunately, NONE of my serious disclaimers would have had a prayer in preventing yesterday’s horrific shooting in Yountville, CA.

I can only bring awareness that people who are trained to protect us, can harm, when in crisis and we need more support services to support prevention initiatives or how to identify those who cannot be rehabilitated.

I usually don’t discuss anything to do with those who’ve served in the military, other than the reverence I have for John McCain (and why I’m bringing him up again, will make sense, later in this blog).

I have no foundation in any kind of life experience in dealing with people who’ve served our country and the kind of post traumatic stress disorder that they can come back with.

Which now in several instances, they’ve gone back to kill both military and civilians when in crisis.

I just think of the death of those 3 women, the psychological trauma of those who had to bear witness to the standoff but weren’t physically injured and it breaks my heart, as I’m sure it does for a lot of people.

In this instance, in Yountville, the murderer was SEEKING treatment, at sometime prior to commiting this horrific tragedy and it still didn’t prevent him from killing 3 innocent people and him dying.

I would like to think, that when members of our military, return to civilian life that there is initiatives in support services of how to acclimate them back into society.

But where it may be relevant, in what I’m thinking, is that a lot of these senseless tragic massacres, in the end, fall into the category of people in crisis, perceiving someone so misguidedly thinking someone else is their mortal enemy.

Because this tragedy just occurred, it’s obviously being investigated, and surely more information will come out.

But it won’t bring back the women who were killed and we OWE them, people who dedicated their lives and career paths in to trying to restore peace of mind, in traumatized military veterans, that they didn’t die in vain.

And while the gun control argument will still be debated, in this case, this was a member of our military, not to mention, anyone with internet access and a desire to kill another, can use other weapons of mass destruction to kill people, so the argument can’t begin and end with gun control and mentally ill people.

This needs something MORE, to prevent these tragedies from happening.

And people who serve our country, if they are taught how to kill people in war, maybe they need help before they are sent off to war on how not be a killing machine, when they come back, and I’m not saying that maliciously, as I have an enormous amount of gratitude for those who serve our country.

BUT….Maybe, we OWE all of those who help us in crisis, whether it be in war, clinically educated, trained and practicing medical and all mental health and all forms of law enforcement professionals and teachers, extensive and comprehensive support services, so they aren’t in their own hellish war that could lead to internal crisis or a crisis that will have a body count.

In what we are facing, with deadly fatalities that are occuring EVERYDAY, of trying harder to prevent them, one day and one crisis at a time.

You don’t have to be a clinically trained professional, to respectfully demand that, from our government, as far as extensive support services for those who serve people in crisis, especially including our military, but also their support staff.

As well as extensive support services for civilians who serve the public, when in crisis of any kind.

But this will NOT be solved by endless arguments of gun control and the mentally ill.

Go past that and for those who want to HELP, multiple initiatives are going to need to take place, so that people don’t keep dying and for those who’ve tragically been taken from us, they didn’t DIE in vain.

“The hard part of a revolution, is not making a revolution, it’s making it’s goals” – John McCain

Note: I will ONLY publish constructive feedback, which means I’m all for any kind of help or advice on this topic, which I know so very little about and am not a clinically trained professional.


Why The Bachelor exemplifies more serious problems in our society…


Disclaimers: This blog is not to do serious activism. It also will include profanity, because I notice an odd trend when there’s an absence of profanity, especially my NOT using the word “fuck”, in a blog and/or rant.

Meaning blogs with an absence of profanity, usually don’t get read. And while my blog isn’t ego driven, nor is it monetized, I already know how I feel about things, if I figured any points I have to make as a writer and blogger were only good for myself, I wouldn’t bother. Capisce?

Holy Shit!!!

Way to go,  ABC!!!

I don’t watch reality television.

But I don’t watch television, in general, when I’m by myself, which is 99.5% of the time.

I will read about it, though, on occasion.

And I DEFINITELY get its appeal.

I read about it now, because it’s a great distraction, from the fucking WORST shit ass reality show that’s going on in Washington, D.C., as well as other parts of the world.

As well as all the bad and sad stuff going on all over the U.S.

As a certified trainwreck (“certified” by a malicious website that likes trashing people who talk openly like I have, with disabilities about being in crisis, which I wrote about several years ago, when finding one of my most serious blogs submitted to a website called “the biggest trainwrecks”) I don’t enjoy watching other “trainwrecks”, so to speak.

I’ve never been a “misery loves company” type of person.

Nor do I get pleasure in seeing people who are young, beautiful and accomplished, which is unrelatable to me, looking for love on t.v. either when things are going great or they are going fucking REALLY bad.

The Bachelor is NO exception, it’s super fucking unrelatable,  to me.

The fallout though, from this particular season, I find kinda fascinating and horrifying at the same time.

Super attractive man proposes to a super attractive woman, after what I guess was a hard decision between 2 equally but unique super attractive accomplished women. Changes his mind and on t.v. breaks up and ends his engagement  with his first choice for his 2nd runner up.

On national television.

And the fucking internet and media loses it’s damn mind!!!

I’m not saying that I don’t feel sorry for Becca, which goes beyond her being local to Minneapolis.

A break up is hard enough.

One taking place on television (and all over social media) HAS to fucking be BRUTAL.

But there’s some kind of  pre-warning that both great things and things people would like to keep private ARE NOT going to be, if one is on this television show.

And now there’s a state law being proposed by a local lawmaker to keep the fucking nefarious Arie out of Minnesota, for doing what he did to Becca.

I LOVE my adopted hometown, even though I’ve fessed up in previous blogs, committing fucking “Minnesota Blasphemy” in my hatred of hotdish, the Minnesota State Fair, the words “uff da” and “ya betcha” among other things and yet again, I’m admitting this and other things, hopefully for greater good.

Just because a dude dumps a local lady who may be a super nice lady, doesn’t mean it warrants a law, both the Twin Cities and the Greater Minnesota area, has much worse problems than that though, where our local congress people need not intervene in this instance.

I’m not saying I’m a great person cause I don’t watch unrelatable shit like The Bachelor, nor do I normally care about the who and why of people watching shows like it.

It’s a good distraction and great television.


It just sends a terrible message, in a society that is so easily bored and looking for distraction that for us to be entertained or distracted , we have to be bombarded by as much sensationalistic messages as humanly possible, in the digital era.

I actually wrote an outline for a television show, late last year.

It would be slightly semi-autobiographical and possibly the WORST and most bizarre entertaining updated take, inspired by the Mary Tyler Moore show.

I fucking already know. How dare I, right?

That’s why this recluse ain’t going to be trying to sell it anywhere. Yet.

But it doesn’t exploit anyone, even if it’s not the key players such in The Bachelor, who know they are going to be exploited, but will make money and I don’t worry about them, because I know that they will be okay.

Including Becca K., who I sincerely wish, nothing but the best, which I know she’s fully capable of making her own destiny, a successful one, whether or not she’s successful on her endeavor for love, on national t.v. .

However, you don’t want to get me started on t.v. shows that truly exploit the vulnerable who are in crisis and can’t give informed consent like Hoarders and Intervention.

And I don’t judge people who watch that shit, either.

That will just be a topic for a future blog. You’re welcome.

Note: This was not a serious blog, even though I know I may have hit a fucking nerve or 456 of them. Again, I don’t judge people who watch any kind of reality t.v. shows, I do worry though in a society that thrives on unnecessary situational chaos, that for some, it may just be a harmless way to pass time.

In others, though, it desensitizes people to human suffering and a lack in ability to have empathy.

Ot they have too much empathy for something superficial, but can’t garner an ounce of empathy, when it’s needed the most.

As well as the misplaced hatred of humans that shows like this can create.

If I’m going to commit myself to mindless shit for entertainment, on occasion, I just pick the biggest, best and most entertaining You Tube vloggers, where I get a limited (by me!!!)  buffet of people who are at any given time, both likeable and not likeable, narcissistic and all over the social media platforms, unapologetically. ;)~

That and Grey’s Anatomy, is what I watch on You Tube or Netflix on my tablet, even though I have SMART TV!!!!

Comments that are constructive are welcomed.

Comments that lack creativity and are based in hate, well depending on the stupidity level of what’s being said, may or may not be addressed.


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