It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘#LoseHateNotWEight’ Category

There’s NO one right way to do Size and Fat Acceptance advocacy…..

So I’m in a reclusive mode, today, and just am having a Facebook binge, and a quiet day at home, as I don’t feel like going anywhere.

When the following  TWO following weight related links start to trend in my newsfeed on Facebook .

The first being more prevalent, than the latter, as far as being shared.

http://www.thefrisky.com/2015-08-24/the-soapbox-did-fatphobia-enable-jared-fogles-predatory-behavior/?utm_source=share-fb&utm_medium=button

http://www.wearyourvoicemag.com/dear-virgie-can-someone-pursuing-weight-loss-be-fat-positive/

Now, I’ve wanted to write for awhile, about the hypocrisy I see in the size and fat acceptance movement. And sometimes size acceptance and fat acceptance are mutually exclusive among activists.

While I’ve always tried to make my internet spaces, safe for people, when it comes to weight talk, that’s absolutely impossible to do, when I’m co-existing on the internet as both a weight loss surgery long time peer (and I’m supportive of those who elect any of the weight loss surgeries) as well as as being a size and fat acceptance advocate, where I definitely advocate that people shouldn’t have to lose weight at all. For ANY reason.

I, however have a lot less Fat Acceptance advocates as social media buds, then I did 4 years ago, and for very good reason.

There’s a lot of reverse sizeism prejudice that goes on in many of the fat acceptance communities. And it’s totally unnecessary. And totally hypocritical. If not extremely hurtful to some people, when putting down people who are smaller in size, as far as weight is concerned.

Not only that, it’s extremely hypocritical to tell people they can’t lose weight and be in size and fat acceptance advocacy. I’m NOT sorry, for saying, “my body, my business and not for anyone to judge” when it comes to those who think I’m too fat or a bariatric failure to be in the weight loss surgery communities and I also get told I’m a crappy Fat Acceptance advocate for defending people’s right to lose weight, up to and including having a surgical intervention for weight loss.

However, as it applies to the 2nd link I posted, which was a blog from yesterday by Virgie Tovar, it’s one thing if you want to have an initiative called #LoseHateNotWeight. Which I’ve largely ignored for the most part. The same with HAES (even though I defend both).  But to speak poorly for those of us in Fat Acceptance who think it’s ok, if someone wants to lose weight and people’s right to lose weight if they want to? On their own safe spaces??? That should be okay to anyone. But not is it only NOT okay, people like me, are personally demonized for defending both intentional weight loss and to not have to lose weight to be treated with respect.

In NO WAY  is that acceptable to do that to some of us, who believe in both defending people’s right to lose weight and defending people’s right NOT to lose weight and not be judged harshly, which Virgie did in her blog yesterday. I understand fat bigotry (HELLO, I identify as an FA), I realize that I probably don’t get triggered as much as some people do by intentional weight loss talk, because I am a long term weight loss surgery peer. That doesn’t mean that intentional weight loss talk doesn’t get to me, at times, too, because it does. But it’s an “occupational hazard” I embrace, because while I’m not fully accepted in ANY community I do activism for,  my weight loss surgery peers do a better job of supporting what they agree with me with and ignoring what they don’t.

I’ve gotten bashed enough times with my opinions on defending intentional weight loss in my own internet spaces, by FAs that I’m no longer affiliated with any particular FA group.

It isn’t a matter of biting the hand that feeds you, when a FA bashes someone who defends both sides. NO ONE tells me what type of advocacy I can do or can’t do and NO ONE tells me how to do it. Telling me or insinuating that there’s something flawed with my Fat Acceptance advocacy and activism, for those  who defend intentional weight loss in their OWN safe spaces, is failing fat people, it ain’t helping them.

What militant Fat Acceptance are doing by bashing people like myself, hurts Fat Acceptance it doesn’t help it. And sometimes it borders on bullying people to think exactly like as far as how certain militant Fat Acceptance advocates do their activism.  People like me, are probably the ONLY shot, Fat Acceptance has of being understood, by true fat bigots, who’ve NEVER been fat,   in getting the message across, it’s NOT ok to HATE on something, that people have been conditioned for years by society and the media, to find unacceptable if not repulsive, by saying be apathetic to what one hates or try to understand the what, why and where their hatred comes from. And get past it.

So that the world will be a better place, for everyone.

You really think fat haters or going to buy into Fat Acceptance, otherwise? Just by a hypocritical movement that still is bashing people based upon size (those who are on the thinner side of the spectrum or who want to be)???

Seriously???….

The only thing I’m embarrassed enough to admit, is that I wanted to write a blog like this, a long time ago. But have put it off as I do have very FEW militant FAs that I adore. And who’ve been extremely supportive of me, regardless of what opinions I share about weight matters in my own internet spaces or they’ve shown me the courtesy of ignoring in what I do or say that they don’t agree with.

They don’t pretend that I don’t exist. If I’d digitally delete or unfriend someone every time I had a difference of opinion, I’d have NO social media buds. I, for the most part try to have an ” agree to disagree, respectfully” stance when discussing controversial subjects.

While my social media spaces aren’t a democracy, they aren’t a dictatorship, either.

But the reason why I’m saying this about the majority of the militant Fat Acceptance advocates, they do just as much bullying, in some cases as the bullying that they are trying to fight. It’s one thing to me, as exhibited in my blog, to be hateful to outright haters (like in my last blog), I am not hateful of anyone who just has a strongly different opinion in the matter of body politics, than my own.

And as far as the Jared Fogle link, being shared in the Fat Acceptance communities or anywhere for the matter? Insinuating that their might have been any type of possibility that fat phobia caused Jared Fogle to be a predator? That’s ridiculous and insulting. And it is  feeding into fat phobia, not helping it.

The ONLY reason Jared Fogle acted out on pedophiliac behavior is because he is a pedophile!!!

p.s I’m not really worried about the few who might unfriend me over my opinions on how badly some FAs begin with. The ones I respect their opinion, I gave them heads up. The ones I didn’t, including Virgie, I’m NOT going to miss the support I NEVER had from them.  People who have issues with being egocentric either online or offline, definitely is NOT smaller size, specific.

p.s.s.  I also have a thicker skin, if you’ll excuse the horrible pun, the most people give me credit for. One has to, when they exist in a world that either tells them that they are too fat or they aren’t fat enough!!!

Note: Respectful differences of opinions, will be published.

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