It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for November, 2019

What should come first, people or the planet? #ClimateChange initiatives should NOT come with #publicshaming …

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a trained medical, mental health, law enforcement or public safety specialist. I do believe that action and behavior modifications are needed to save our planet now and for future generations.

I do believe though that actions can be taken too far where it could be to the detriment of public safety and peace of mind, that’s why I feel the need to say something about the global protests yesterday regarding Black Friday and Amazon.

File this under the 9,125, 479th thing I’d rather not be talking about.

I’m all for peaceful protests.

The problem is there is so many protests for so many causes it’s at risk of people becoming apathetic to causes.

I NEVER go shopping on Black Friday online or offline, usually because I’m too poor, to be able to do that.

On the off chance I have money, I don’t like crowds at retailers and I get annoyed by all the Black Friday emails I get.

The thing is that people already have enough to worry about with their online and offline lives.

Going shopping where I live in a big city, already there’s some risk of safety issues as criminals know people will be out at the stores on Black Friday and when there are major events in the city I currently reside in, which is Downtown Minneapolis.

As well as the risk of being hacked, viruses and identity theft online, all of which I’ve been a victim in the past.

I also get that if it’s my mission as an activist to save people and for people to have a place to live in, they have to have a functioning planet to exist in.

Which other people do Climate Change activism way better than I could ever, so that’s why I leave it to them.

The problem though in this day and age, is that groups of people who are shaming others for being a consumer, online and offline, itdoesn’t help anyone both in the short term or long term.

I know from advocacy I do for affordable housing, it isn’t poor people who fund that, it’s people of means and wealthy people who do.

Shaming really has never been an effective tool in people to change their basic nature.

Most people have a habit that could have a long lasting adverse impression or consequence on someone directly or indirectly, intentional or not due to human nature.

If you’re the rare person who built their home out of recycle goods, grow your own food, don’t smoke, drink, eat too much, take any drugs, shop, drive distracted or use technology, well more power to you.

But your right in public, does have consequences on others, even well intentioned, such as going too far to try and save Earth at great expense to human psyches and possibly human safety.

Some people are going to fall in the category of choosing the lesser of two evils, whether it be smoking to not doing illegal drugs, shopping instead of overating and being on the internet too much to quit drinking or not gamble.

I think Amazon is too big and unregulated and that’s why, even with my poor person’s monthly discount, I quit it, several months ago, even though they have great customer service.

I did that and similar things quietly, not everyone needs to know everything I do and why I do it.

The people I try to help, I take shame out of the equation, as that doesn’t help anyone.

I’m not saying be like me.

Most people are probably better off NOT being like me.

I am saying though take into consideration, people having the right to as much peace of mind and safety when in their homes and out of it and that should be taken in consideration when trying to save absolutely anything, including human beings, themselves.



What MUST happen so that the deaths from the massive fire at #CedarHighApartments can be at least reduced in the future or NEVER happen again in any other multiple dwelling units…


First Look Inside The Cedar High Apartments Since Deadly Fire

MPHA Statement on Today’s Fire at 630 Cedar Avenue

Important Disclaimers: I am NOT trained in medical, mental health, law enforcement or public safety matters.

However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions that could save people’s lives.

On Wednesday, November 27th. 2019, a fire broke out on the 14th floor of Cedar High Apartments, which is a mile away from me.

I’m not trying to make this about me, but because I’ve been very ill, the last 2 days, I’m ONLY addressing this now.

The 25 story apartment building was old enough that while there were sprinklers on the first floor, the building wasn’t required to have sprinklers on the other 24 stories.

WHY, though???

Any apartment building, which I’ve lived in apartments all of my adult life, have had sprinklers on every floor.

To err on the side of safety, if I haven’t been certified in CPR, I’ve at least kept up my emergency first aid training via You Tube, my entire adult life.

In my past life, prior to 2008, I lived in a large apartment complex in Plymouth, MN and there was 2 fires. The first one, I just evacuated myself and my children, however the 2nd one in 2006, I had an elderly neighbor across the hall from me, who was hard of hearing, so I evacuated my children out of the building where I left the my screaming terrified toddler of a daughter in her brother’s hands and ended up going back for my neighbor and her dog, which she tripped on when outside of the building and required that I perform first aid for major multiple bleeds, that I still to this day can’t understand why, as first responders by then were already on the scene, let me perform, but hey I”m digressing now.

There has been at least a fire every year, where I currently have resided for almost 7 years.

While I’ve never had fire damage from the fires in other units, or a fire in my apartment, one of the fires have resulted in major water damage, waking up on my 48th birthday at 1 a.m. to the fire alarms going off, on the 5th floor, when a neighbor of mine got in a fight with her boyfriend and set his hoodie on fire, which caused the sprinklers on my floor to malfunction (the 3rd floor) and caused my unit to be flooded.

I’ve also had 2 other floods, one in 2013 and one last year, a week before Thanksgiving due to tenant barriers, as they were intentional floods.

We’ve had several other fires in my building, but none of the other fires resulted in any damage to my unit, just to my psyche.

The one thing that people who live in affordable housing and do activism for affordable housing and homelessness, CANNOT say, is that it does cost money to house people with any kind of barriers, even if poverty is just the only barrier, let alone those with medical and/or mental health disabilities.

Things I’m NOT normally allowed to say, is that it is quite terrifying when other people have barriers that could present a serious  safety threat to other tenants and cause property damage.

This is NOT an issue that’s exclusive to people of disability or limited means.

An accidental fire can happen at any time, for multiple reasons by any person.

It’s just that it’s more likely to happen when you throw in money issues and disability and the opiate epidemic, also doesn’t help.

The fire that happened at Cedar High, the cause has not been disclosed yet.

Sadly,  I don’t have any money to help the victims, where a link to donate, in the top link that shows some of the footage by our local Minnesota CBS affiliate.

I can tell you though, as someone with disabilities both medical and anxiety, it’s terrifying everytime a fire alarm goes off, in just a 5 story building, to have to evacuate when you have disabilities, even from only the 3rd floor.

And there are several people in my building, as I’m betting possibly in that building who were motorized scooter or wheelchair bound.

It just completely  goes beyond the scope of my comprehension of what those residents faced, where some of them were older and/or disabled of trying to evacuate a 25 story building with a fire on the 14th floor.

As what happened was terrifying to everyone involved, whether or not they had any disabilities.

It also completely further goes beyond the scope of my comprehension.  to the first responders experienced when trying to evacuate residents and fight the fire,  who had to climb many stairs with heavy fire equipment and it’s nothing short of a miracle, that no first responders/fire department members were gravely or fatally injured, when they could’ve been.

Thoughts and prayers in this case, aren’t enough.

Unfortunately, neither is money, but I am asking in honor of my 50th birthday on Monday, that people donate to the fund for the victims, that again, is on the bottom of the top link posted in blog.

But I’m also asking, actually demanding that the City of Minneapolis and the State of Minnesota takes action.

That it becomes law that  any and ALL  rental properties whether they are two stories  or FIFTY stories, has working fire alarms, sprinklers and fire extinguishers on every floor  for all high rises and/or buildings 2 stories ot higher.

Take my word for it, as much as it sucked to have to throw a bunch of stuff out in the garbage,  multiple times due to water damage, that’s much better than dying or becoming disabled or more disabled due to smoke inhalation or dying a horrible death because of trauma due to severe burns.

The fire victims and their families, fire department and first responders are still in my thoughts and prayers.

Here’s the link below, if you can donate to the emergency fund:

And many thanks to those who decide to donate money to the victims for my 50th birthday on Monday or for any reason or share the donation link.

Note: Any comment that isn’t constructive or kind, will NOT be posted…. Please don’t waste my time and yours….

An Open Letter to #DonaldTrumpJr


Dear Mr. Trump,

I’ve been sick the last couple of days, so as a disabled chick, I missed in the news your promotion of your book giveaway with a signed MAGA hat, if people show on video, of fighting with their liberal loved ones.

In the past in this blog, I’ve defended both your older sister and your stepmother, for how unfair they’ve been treated in the media.

I also saw when you went on The View with your girlfriend Kimberly and I thought she was a classy well read smart and kind woman.

I don’t necessarily think exactly alike with anyone.

While I didn’t vote for your father, I voted for Hillary Clinton,and honestly I did think a little less of her, calling Trump voters “a basket of deplorables”.

As I know that’s not the case. Some of the people I love and admire the most voted for your Dad.

There are so certain things I agree with your Dad, such as there’s only one cola to drink and that’s cold Diet Coke and  fast food (if i agrees with me, long ass story) is delicious.

I’m not though a big fan of ice cream and burnt steak, though.

I just for the life of me, and I turn 50 on Monday, can’t understand  why you would use hate and fighting to sell your book.

I’ll defend to the day I die, your right to believe what you believe and to express it, in any manner you wish.

But, in our country that’s so divided, that trickles down to families that are also so divided due to political differences , as far as trickling down to families who are fighting or aren’t on speaking terms because of political divide, I think there would’ve been a better way than to sell your book, without having to widen that divide.

It bothers me that some Trump supporters have to feel like that that they have to be that way in secret.

It bothers me that people who work or have worked in your father’s adminstration can’t go out in public, such as a restaurant and not be ridiculed.

And while again, I believe in free speech, I don’t understand why it’s necessary for your father or any member of your family to get booed wherever you all may go and that the good things that your father has done, doesn’t get any positive attention, like ever.

While I differ in believing that it isn’t necessarily fake news driving that, it is WAY unfairly biased not ever giving your Dad or stepmother or even your youngest brother (who shouldn’t be in the news, like at all) ever the benefit of the doubt.

And I’m absolutely horrified that Representative Steve Scalise was shot and others were shot at at, when just trying to do something fun, such as practice for a baseball game, just because they are Republicans.

You are a smart and very wealthy businessman who’s conventionally attractive and well, I’m not.

I just think that if you wanted to have promoted your book, there could’ve been a better way than causing more divide in this world.

Maybe using  money donated to charity to the  highest bidder for a free book and signed MAGA hat or winning a free night at a Trump hotel or resort, would’ve been a better idea for a giveaway and would’ve gotten the same result in more book sales without creating more divisiveness.

That’s all I’m trying to get across to you.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and  s very Happy New Year.

Respectfully, a reclusive non monetized blogger in Minneapolis,  Lisa

Note: To any other reader than intended, who I don’t expect to read it, please save the death threats until after Monday, which is my 50th birthday, which is nothing short of a miracle that I’ve lived this long to potentially see it. Thanks!!!!

An unusual perspective on #death and #grief…


Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. If you or someone you know, is in danger of hurting themselves or others, please contact emergency services right away.

I’m going to tread lightly, as I have a unique perspective on dying and grief.

And as a suicide prevention/awareness activist, I have to make sure nothing I say could possibly be misconstrued when talking about this subject that requires the utmost sensitivity.

After signing a DNR/DNI over a year ago and filing that Advanced Health Directive, I tried to engage my loved ones in what I wanted, so it wouldn’t be a surprise.

Such as my desire that my next medical event is my last.

That when I die, I want to die alone.

They wanted NO part of having a conversation about that.

They thought I was being morbid and refused to talk about it.

When earlier this year, after careful consideration that my medical disabilities would make me a terrible organ donor, I decided to do a body bequeathment to a teaching hospital, so that after my death, it would help new doctors.

This what I believe more than anything and it may not be right for most, but it could be right for some.

To me all that matters, is how we treat people while they are still ALIVE.

To not take for granted and to make sure those we love the most while we are and they are still living, showing words and in action, of  how much we love, care and appreciate them.

For those I love,  I don’t want them to suffer, once I’m gone.

I’d  only want them to try to find  peace, in the fact I am not suffering and in pain, any longer.

I only want them to think of me, without grief, when I’m not around and to smile for any good or fond memories they should have of me.

Because, I don’t want those I love and care about to be sad, regretful or griefstricken,  while I can’t control emotion and mindset of another , when alive and when I would be gone.

I can only hope this starts a conversation about Advanced Health Directives and personal wishes for people that they want their loved ones to honor, in regards to their death and  after they are gone.

Above links should be more helpful for those who feel differently about death and the grieving process, than I do.

But it might be helpful, for discussion or self reflection, if you find my beliefs about death and grief to be uncomfortable to bizarre, of why you feel that way.

And maybe it’s worth evaluation and dialogue, that those we might grieve for or grieve us, if they feel similar on how I do about this, that it could work for those who lose loved ones to concentrate on those who we love of showing in the best way we are capable of, while when alive.


A little over 9 years status post #gastricbypassreversal , was it worth it???

Short-inspirational-quotes-about-life-and-struggles (3)-min

Very Important Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. Anyone who’s had bariatric surgery and is in medical or mental health distress, needs to be evaluated and treated by  qualified clinically trained professionals (i.e. physicians, surgeons, psychiatrists and other type of medical and mental health professionals) in person and depending on degree of medical and mental health distress, in an acute care facility (i.e. hospital).

It will however be very apparent, in my blog why I borderline practice medicine and psychiatry in my blog when presented with a patient in some kind of crisis, with above disclaimers being made very clear.


The *MOST*  frequent question I get asked by people when they hear I’ve had a gastric bypass reversal is that if I have any regrets of having my reversal.

It still kind of shocks me, because people ask that more than if I have any regrets over having a gastric bypass.

I don’t regret having a gastric bypass reversal, I would’ve died in 2010 without it.

The next most frequently asked question I get, is will one get fat after a reversal.

That’s a tougher question and that question probably is the reason why I end up having to borderline remotely practice medicine and psychology, even though I have no formal education or licensing, in either specialty.

There’s a devasting desperation in patients like that, though.

Whether it’s a patient who’s been told by a bariatric surgeon that they need one to save their life, they have peers and possibly other clinically trained professionals who pose that question to a patient in medical crisis and potentially mental health distress, in a patient who’s already worrying about that, in the first place.

Or they have a bariatric surgeon who won’t perform a reversal, even though their patient is at risk of death.

Well, if you’re dead you won’t be at risk of getting fat.

You could possibly be buried in a very  teeny tiny coffin.

Above 2 sentences are definitely NOT  my original replies to that question obviously, to a patient in crisis, it’s more of an attempt for a patient to see the gravity of their situation that they’re in, that’s after my  getting an idea if and what any trauma led to a gastric bypass as a medical intervention and what trauma post gastric bypass a patient has experienced, and in my case I’ve written in several blogs what personally happened to me, where I was of heavier weight than most reversal patients and what played into that.

Would you do it again?

Do what, again?

My gastric bypass or reversal?


Yeah, it was the only alternative to, like,  NOT  dying.

Well, what about then, would you have a gastric bypass again???

Um, no.

I don’t regret having a gastric bypass.

I couldn’t have  and no one else at the time I had it in 2001, could’ve forecasted my complications.

I stopped asking why my complications happened to me, a long time ago.

The why, doesn’t help anything or anyone, including me.

The hardest thing is, at almost 9 years post reversal, is how cyclical my ability to eat and/or the rare time I try or don’t even try that it’s much harder to lose weight, even though, I’ve had years, like this one, where it’s very hard to eat again.

And when I can’t eat, my reactive hypoglycemia comes back again, so I’m experiencing fainting and falling again, kind of frequently.

My labs though, just recently in the last 9 years are oddly normal, for how hard it is to eat again, especially in the last year.

While I’m recently showing signs of an ulcer, it doesn’t feel like multiple duodenal ulcers which I had for several years, prior to my reversal and can’t say that is bariatric surgically related.

I turn 50 in 12 days.

I had my gastric bypass, 3 days after my 32nd birthday.

I live my small life, looking that I’ve been on borrowed time in the last 11 1/2 years.

Not everyone though has let their complications, a need for a reversal, ruin their life like I let it ruin mine.

Chances are, while I know people who had more of a difficult long term recovery medically and mentally, most people do well long term, post reversal.

The other population of people that I help wanting a gastric bypass reversal bears mentioning it again, as I have discussed them in past blogs:

That is patients who have bariatric surgical regret, not fully realizing that the limitations, at least initially in the first year, possibly 2, that they can eat, but is within the range of normal for a gastric bypass patient.

The reason why it bears repeating, as again, I end up again having to borderline practice medicine and psychology with patients like that.

And there’s sorely lacking of peer and professional support, where when so many patients are happy with the drastic changes they have to make in eating to support their surgeries and cannot understand the regret of a few of their peers.

In that scenario, actually ALL of them, eventually lose their bariatric surgical regret.

Every patient who has found me, who was suicidal due to the realization of what they did to their digestive system, not only eventually do they find peaceful acceptance where they had surgery, most  ended up happy that they did.

But it’s crucial  to acknowledge that feeling of loss, that they aren’t an isolated case, mourning not being able to use food as a coping mechanism.

Because it’s an isolating and devasting feeling that needs to be acknowledged, if  a patient is going to have any chance of acting in a manner that best supports their medical and psychological needs, when experiencing  bariatric surgical regret and it goes unsupported, if not stigmatized by professionals and fellow peers.

No bariatric surgeon wants to do a reversal.

They won’t do it, if it’s NOT medically indicated.

Absolutely NO  pre-operative gastric bypass patient should ever think that a gastric bypass reversal is ever done for reasons like that, not just because of my experience, but because a long term post reversal outcome, is just too unpredictable.

It will save a patient’s life, with all of us who had reversals having unique outcomes on what we’re able  do with those lives, which will vary.

I’m sorry for those who were looking for an update, that you had to wait so long.

I’m sorry for those who are need of a reversal, that you’re going through what you are.

I’m glad that there is more avenues for support, such as support groups on social media and  internet, as well as more reversal peers are also blogging and vlogging about their experiences.

I hope this helps and if it doesn’t, that those in need seek out support, as it’s out there, both online and offline.

As well as I’m dedicated to supporting the gastric bypass reversal community, as long as I can do it justice and that’s why I’ve talked about as long as I have, in case if I’m not  be able to do this any longer, I’m hoping I’ve given others, the tools they need, with other peer and professional help, to not only survive a gastric bypass reversal, but thrive.

Note: Anything that isn’t constructive to myself or any patient population mentioned in blog, will NOT be posted.



Why wasn’t this local “domestic terrorist” already in prison???

Important Disclaimers: While this blog is being written to serve some kind of activism goal such as violent crime prevention and violent crime awareness, it’s also to be a safe place to discuss the violent misactions of  the young man who committed above crime was out on the streets to do so, after I looked at his past criminal history in Minnesota.

That’s it. I don’t take issue with the depraved violent criminal’s race, age or mental health issues.

And am hoping NO ONE does, either.

IF violent crime talk and profanity is a triggering to anyone, please don’t read. Thanks.


I was horrified when I first saw this story last week.

I could relate to the victim, in the respect I don’t like rude noisy people in public and private sectors, in housing and in transportation.

On our local buses, it absolutely says to be quiet and respectful, the buses especially that go to that certain transit center, that I’ve been on, there have been also safety incidents with passengers assaulting bus drivers.

This is what I know to be true…

That the City of Minneapolis, State of Minnesota, non profits, law enforcement, Minnesota Judicial branches, Metro Transit, are doing everything they can do to keep us safe.

The problem is they could be doing more, but I’ll admit, I’m not sure what more even looks like.

My last 2 blogs were about a lot of people wanting to look their best and why I can’t care that I don’t and my last blog was about a famous person doing something unconscionable to his daughter and thinking he was so right in doing that, that he went public on what he did.

In the case of this blog, that man who was assaulted last week, just passed away.

His last memories in a long life which I can only pray was good to him, up until his final week, was being assaulted by a gang, not knowing whether or not he regained consciousness, to be robbed and then spend the last of his days in the level 1 hospital, 2 blocks away from where I live, before his death.

Things I’m not allowed to express publicly, as a poor unattractive older disabled  white female who lives in a form of affordable housing in area concentrated of both wealth and poverty, I’m just going to finally say something.

It fucking sucks to be at the mercy of others, all the time.

If I’m not worried about getting mocked for being unattractive the little I get out in public and possibly being put on someone’s smartphone for it to go on social media (it’s happened before, not paranoid) and people who should know better not knowing it shouldn’t be a social crime to be unattractive.

But what’s worse, in the digital/drug era, is people who have potential or are violent, they either don’t know or they don’t care about the consequences of their behavior on others, both in public and in their private lives.

So I’ll say without consequences that others might have, if they can relate.

And I honestly don’t mean any harm to people, such as the family and friends of the victim, should they choose to  forgive.

But seriously, FUCK YOU, Leroy Davis-Miles, I hope you fucking rot in prison where you belong, and your friends who encouraged you, even though I haven’t seen their criminal legal record in Minnesota to know if they are a violent predator like you are, I hope they rot in there, too.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victim, his family and friends.

Update: Not a racist and not enjoying being called one. Look up his record in the last 5 years, yourself, as you already have his name and here’s the website link below. You’re welcome…

Amazing ob/gyn vlogger takes down #TI …


Important Disclaimers: While I thought about as a medical/mental health activist for the last day, trying to address this issue,  an amazing OB/GYN  vlogger who I follow on You Tube addresses the horrific behavior of this rapper.

I had to think about my part, in what’s already making my skin crawl, of putting more of this out there about this young woman.

But then I think about how grotesque of what’s already been done to her.

And other women now coming out and admitting that  they were subjected just even just private exams for purity.

I think of young women who might have been raped by a family member, stranger and/or friend  and stayed silent, not willing to risk telling anyone and the shame that they feel that really isn’t theirs to bear.

I think of that trauma possibly leading to possibly future abusive relationships, addictions, if not suicidal thoughts or if not, a suicide.

And I can’t stand the thought of that.

It’s unacceptable.

This has to be part of a bigger discussion on where we go from here.

It’s horrible for anyone to not feel safe anywhere.

Especially for children in their own homes and this goes to show, socio-economics, race,religious and political beliefs aren’t a factor in this form of abuse and emotional assault, as it’s more widespread and women are finally coming out talking about it, since the TI story, broke.

For haters, you wanna come after me, for the mistakes I’ve made as a parent, that I don’t profit from in any way and talk about humiliatingly,  to remove stigma, so other parents don’t make the same mistakes I did and so what I put my children and family though, so unintentionally hurtful, so that others don’t make the same mistakes as I did, well knock yourself out with the hate and death threats.

To me!!!

However leave physicians, like the amazing physician in above vlog who delivers babies and is also an amazing educator, just like leave anyone else alone, who’s also called this out and definitely don’t revictimize the victims who have and will come forward!!!

For those who’ve been through this kind of trauma, I want you to know I’m so sorry you went through that, it should’ve never happened and I sincerely hope that if it doesn’t mean anything coming from me, I hope it comes from others where it’s more meaningful to you, if you haven’t either come forward, due to fear or because you said something and no one believed you.

I believe you and others will believe you, as well, if you ever feel comfortable coming forward and that’s something if you choose, needs to be done on YOUR timetable and if you never feel comfortable, that’s okay.

Note: Just because you have my opinion to expressly hate on me, if one is a predatory psychopath and thinks what TI did is okay, doesn’t mean I’m going to NOT report any death threats to the proper authorities !!!

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