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Archive for the ‘mental health that leads to unintentional homicide’ Category

A gentle reminder: That TWO separate tragedies involving children occurred in Minnesota on 4/12/2019….

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Important Disclaimer: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor am I trained in law enforcement or public safety.

If you or someone you know is capable of hurting themselves or others, please seek emergency help right away.

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It goes without saying, I didn’t want to write this blog.

I want to respect that families are suffering and grieving about 2 separate horrific tragedies that happened in Minnesota on Friday, April 12, 2019.

My last 2 previous blogs addressed them.

The reason though I’m writing this again, with really wanting to respect the privacy that these families have asked for, need and deserve, is the court of social media felt one was more newsworthy than another.

To repeat, last Friday, a 24 year old man, threw a 5 year old boy off the 3rd floor at Mall of America in an attempted homicide.

That tragedy made national news outlets.

About 5 hours before that tragedy though, a 36 year old father in the greater Minnesota area, has been suspected of intentional arson to kill him and the 4 children in the  house and he did horrifically kill his 1 year old daughter and 2 year old son, before succumbing to his own injuries, the next day.

The current status of the 9 and 7 year old are that they are recovering.

I spent most of this weekend, following the local news about both families, then following the GoFundMe pages for the families, seeing the comments about the Minneapolis man charged with the attempted homicides and knew I was going to have to write a 3rd blog, especially when I saw on Twitter of how my last blog was so misguidedly being shared on Twitter for the wrong reasons, which I’ll address in a separate blog.

Again, a reminder, I blog as a non violent  medically, mentally and cognitive disabled mother to hopefully remove stigma, as I made horrible mistakes and was so unintentionally neglectful of my children, that still managed to cause emotional hurt to those I love the most and while it irrevocably changed my family’s life, almost 11 years ago, so others don’t make the same mistakes I did and get help sooner than I did.

I try to explain that hearing how bad I was my entire life based upon what I looked liked and weighed, didn’t have just horrible consequences for me, unfortunately as unintended as it was, it had for those I love the most.

To honor these families and many others, I have for years been saying that there is more work to be done in how we deal with those who have issues that could be harmful to themselves and others, whether it’s strangers or their own families.

That it doesn’t matter what everything on the outside looks like, in the era of social media, your houses, your cars, your vacations, your children, what you look like, if inside one is hurting and is capable of harming themselves or another.

That words and actions and lack of them, matter.

They matter A LOT.

That there is hate limit that everyone has when it comes to be targeted, before it turns inward in some manner or it hurts someone else and is now becoming more deadly to innocent others.

That if someone isn’t doing anything that risks one’s life in any way, maybe it isn’t their right or place to throw judgement at them, in any form.

Absolutely, everyone can work on being more careful on their words and actions that could hurt another, it should’ve always been that way, but it’s never mattered as much, in the digital era.

I didn’t digress.

I am trying to concentrate on showing those families the respect they deserve, trying to help in such a miniscule way, of point out, there’s multiple ways to help them with support, as well as in trying to prevent these tragedies from happening in the first place.

The GoFundMe for the Landen, the little boy who was horrifically targeted at Mall of America, has met its goal.

If you want to help the  family for the burial expenses of Landon age 2 and Spencer age 1, who died on Friday, in the fire  that their father set in Big Lake, MN,  you can use the link below.

https://www.gofundme.com/1lugpwmwtc?fbclid=IwAR0XzXgE8GaNQWfZwqfK-Za0IOaGsWyzeHGSQuoGDG1Zn13OJtTwLEzASfQ

But again, a gentle reminder that last Friday in Minnesota, their were TWO separate horrific acts of violence against 5 children under the age of 10.

For 2 completely different reasons and in 2 completely different circumstances.

And that all of us can do our miniscule part to try, going forward, to prevent these tragedies from occurring, by being mindful of not stigmatizing any population of people, and just concentrating on trying to be a part of the solution that helps prevent them from happening and supporting others, when they do tragically occur, and encouraging those in need of help, of getting it, before they do irrevocable harm to themselves or others.

Note: I will NOT publish any comments that could  be hurtful to anyone.

 

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absence of malice…

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Disclaimer: Even though this is a personal blog versus a blog doing activism, not knowing the mental state of my readers, and due to the serious nature of what I’m about to discuss, I will always urge those in crisis and/or if someone suspects another that might be in medical/mental health crisis and capable of doing harm to themselves or another, to seek immediate treatment from a clinically trained professional, right away and/or contact 911, immediately.

I didn’t want to write another blog, right now .

I’m NOT okay.

I hate to say and actually resent that I have to say, when saying I’m not okay, that I’m not capable of hurting myself and/or another and/or other’s property.

BUT, I have to say that.

Because, I have diagnosed mental health issues.

And while I feel that we live in a society that people scare me, that I have very little hope, I’m actually TERRIFIED that because I have mental health issues that are diagnosed, that is enough for people not to trust for me, to NOT act in a manner that is harmful to another.

Even though there’s plenty of people who know me well enough to know, that I’m NOT capable of hurting another human being, let alone I’m fully aware of my issues and would never want, nor am I capable of hurting another human being.

But for some reason, I fear that’s not enough. Not because I distrust my own behavior, but because I fear the labeling of my diagnoses.

But truthfully, this isn’t about my diagnoses, medical and/or mental health.

It’s about others, as I’m fully aware of the consequences of my own issues.

I don’t like living a life that’s devoid of hope.

I hate that I live such a small life but that no only is it so small, but that I fear other people.

I can’t stand that the fact I don’t have more hope in other human beings.

Even though that I know that there are truly good people in this world.

But I loathe that we live in a society that whether people lie in wait to kill innocent others, or due to an equally scary but less talked about mental health circumstances, where people are snapping and/or it’s a slow snap, where people are killing stranger and/or beloved famiy members.

I can’t stand the fact that I feel so helpless,  to help innocent others retain their lives,  to pursue their lives, in a society that should value the sanctity of human life, above all else, but that total strangers and/or loved ones could provide the biggest threat to one’s life.

I’m heartbroken, because as little as I have to offer as a parent, and also as an activist, no one will take me seriously, when I try to ring the alarm, that while actual weapons of mass destruction whether it be a gun, bomb or an airplane, to name a few,  with an unstable operator who wants to kill people, that the biggest threat to our safety that I am able to see, is a smartphone and social media, and the addiction of them.

I remember being, I think in 7th grade, I know it was in junior high, when I saw the move “Absence of Malice”. I know while I don’t remember the storyline, per se, it was about the intention of trying to do harm via libel and the consequences of the perception of that.

That movie, I think was released over 36 years ago, but couldn’t be anymore relevant, in today’s times.

And I’m heartbroken, as while I remember that movie’s INTENT, I dont remember the plot, as well as a million other major life events in my OWN life, let alone a movie.

I can’t believe, and it’s bigger than myself and or any of my beliefs, the lack of regard of human life and feelings in another human being, by many others.

Even though there is many decent human beings who care about one another.

That while my life, so small, so abnormal while being not abhorrent, my legacy as it stands right now, is someone who got fat again, before a gastric bypass reversal, when having an epic breakdown.

That’s it. And while I could just dissapear in today’s society, as I loathe social media and I fear it, and I’m on it, so for all intentions, I have “dissapeared” because of my lack of social media presence, that I am still compelled, to be somewhat present, in public, or at least on the internet, as a blogger,and to be honest, for what is the ugliest of my life and of others, that goes beyond that, in hopes to do greater good for other human beings, in ANY manner that I’m capable of doing greater good.

And that of course, is motivated by trying to do the right thing, as an activist, given my spectacular failures as a mother, so that what we went through, wasn’t in vain.

Or that people don’t go through awful struggles and devastating life circumstances, without a support system, like I did.

But that doesn’t get brought up in my personal online life, as much as getting fat or staying heavy after a gastric bypass and a gastric bypass reversal.

And NO matter how much I try to fight that legacy, that we should live in a society, that values the sanctity of human life and the right of individual pursuit of personal growth, happiness and the right to a safe life, that doesn’t mean anything to another, if they wish to cause us emotional and/or physical harm and/or fatality.

The reason why I fear social media so much has both a simple and/or complex answers.

The sort of  simple but still complex answer is, that it encourages impulsive behavior in people, that could be at best, a deterrent to another’s happiness, even if it’s unintentional.

I’m not saying though, I don’t see the good that social media brings.

Whether it be a celebrity who pays off a fan’s mortgage or student’s loan. among many things we’ve seen that where social media has served greater good.

But, the various social media platoforms, simutaneously both encourages the best and worst of humankind.

So while it can be heartening to see both celebrities and others do common good, there’s a lot of bad that goes with it.

Whether it be feeding in one’s instaneous need to hatefully call out others. And to quite a few, social media, dehumanizes other humans, because they are being regarded through a digital lens, that somehow uniquely to predators and/or haters, that they aren’t worthy of common consideration at best, but at worst, they aren’t worthy of being allowed to live their lives with health, safety and peace of mind.

And I don’t think that I’m overreacting, as an activist, when seeing so many cases where in domestic violence situations, where people are not just killing those they love and/or hate.

But regardless, they are horrifically murdering their children, who get caught in the crossfire of a relationship ending badly or for any and all inexplicable reasons, devoid of any ration or ration when it’s needed most.

Or you have children who are tragically killing a parent or a friend, because they can’t react appropriately, to being told NO or something they don’t like. Whether it be  a child and/or teen isn’t allowed to have a party or a child kills another peer in what they feel is an action that shows some kind of rejection, and that leads to rage induced irrovocable behaviors, such as murder/s.

My kind of activism lends to the bottom line of asking “WHY”.

While I can tell a bariatric peep not to blame themselves for example, if they are in some kind of mixed medical/mental health crisis, that their complications are not necesarily their fault and/or of their surgeons and they “why” won’t help them, as far as seeking acute professional attention, so that their lives can be saved, the “why” does play a part.

Of course it does, as far as the “why”, it can not only help from tragedy happening, it can help from history repeating itself, even if the life threatning symptoms are alleviated, it can help from non weight related self sabotaging behaviors from occuring over and over again, that might happen, when someone unnecessarily thinks in the case of an adverse bariatric surgical outcome, that they’re  to blame, for life threatening complications (even when their surgeons aren’t)  when they’re not.

That kind of perspective, such as examining the “why” can help, whether or not a human being is bariatric patient or NOT.

It can help help from a perspective of WHY tragedy happens.

It can help from trying to prevent self sabotaging behaviors, of many kinds, of interfering in one’s ability to find inner peace and a balanced life, regardless of socio-economics and other factors.

The problem is, and it’s not a problem, it’s a CRISIS, that when people hurt, if not kill themelves and/or  another human being, the “why” matters.

The intention of whether or not malice, is present, matters

Whether it be in the case, of my writings of blogs, as of late, whether it be a pastor who drove drunk and killed, I’m assuming, very unintentionally, locally,  that went viral , a 911 operator when driving drunk, last week.

Malice matters, when trying to prevent school or any kind of massacres, whether it be in Parkland, Sandy Hook, Orlando, Las Vegas, San Bernadino or Columbine, to name a few school (and other)  massacres, even though the motives of the person/s commiting the massacres may VARY, and vary widely.

Malice, and/or absence of it, matters greatly, when a mother who has an MSW and should know crisis resources, still kills her baby, her husband and herself, which happened 2 weeks ago.

Or a week later, when a mother kills her husband, her 2 adult children and herself , executing them, by shooting them in the head, when feeling rejection, as it’s been rationalized in the news, right or wrong , when being shunned from her house of worship and/or religious faith.

Talking about why these tragedies occur, as painful and complex as it is, whether or not malice is involved and/or the “why” of them, will NOT  necessarily prevent ALL of them from occuring.

But isn’t it worth a mention, if maliciousness and/or an abscence of it, as well as the “why”, necessary, to at least try and prevent at least  some of them?

I’m not a clinically trained professional. I’d like to know though, where are the clinically trained professionals, to try and say something  and/or help do something, in the hopes of prevention of all these horrific tragedies from happening over and over again, even, though they definitely aren’t to blame, for these tragedies occuring, over and over again.

Because I loathe, as a non clinically trained professional, that I have NO answers or solutions, I’m just trying to be a part of the dialogue, in hopes for prevention of all these tragedies, and while it may be unrealistic to think that all of them can be prevented, we need to at least TRY to prevent some of them.

SO sadly, I have way more questions,  than I do answers.

It would be comforting, to hear from those who have answers (i.e. clinically trained professionals in abnormal/trauma psychology) , or at least an idea,  about the ugliness of human life, that can end human life, if not hamper other’s right to be at least psychologically balanced, happy and healthy, to try and say, what they think is going on here and what, if anything, can be done to prevent all these tragedies that end in loss of human life .

Note: I welcome constructive feedback. I’m kindly asking if someone does NOT have constructive feedback, to not comment. Thanks.

Editorial Note: Clarification, 15 minutes after publishing this blog. I shouldn’t have assumed that nature of the blog, would be clear.

But it’s not something I could’ve said, whether or not people intend to do harm, both fatal and extreme psychological duress, there is sometimes instances where malice is apparent and malice is absent.

But point I’m trying to make, is both intention, whether or not there is an absence of malice, the “why”, matters greatly and is worthy of further discussion, in hopes of prevention of these tragedies.

I shouldn’t have though, assumed that people would construe that, just by the nature of the blog, so while I’m not sorry for what I said, and how many words, it took to say it, I AM sorry, that I wasn’t clearer.

Again, my apologies for not clearly stating above clarification. Thanks….

How MANY more people have to DIE, before we have MAJOR Mental Health initiatives in place?

It’s been a quiet weekend, on purpose.

For the type of activism that I do, for the sake of my well being, I don’t read the news very much, on weekends.

I just happened to check out People.com, about 10 minutes ago, when I saw the headline, that a young beautiful, brilliant and kind woman died, when another even younger person, a 12 year old child, tried to commit suicide, yesterday.

The 22 year old Maryland woman, her name was Marisa Harris, died in Virginia, yesterday, when a 12 year old boy jumped off an overpass and landed on her vehicle and the young boy is listed in critical condition with life threatening injuries.

Marisa, according the People.com and The Washington Post article, was getting her masters in clinical counseling, who loved working with children, at the time of her death.

Her heartbroken family could sadly see the irony in that.

I decided to write yet another blog, about this issue, because we can’t as a society become numb to this.

A young woman, who had already enriched so many people’s lives and could’ve saved countless  other people’s lives, was robbed at such a young age, of living life to the fullest because a young 12 year old boy, couldn’t see the value in his own life.

I wish there was more I could do, to not only bring attention to the seriousness and the acute need to have more comprehensive mental health initiatives funded by government, in schools (from the time children are young), to the workplace and in facilities and in the media, to help people from the time they are young, until they are very old.

To give all human beings, the opportunity to get help when in crisis, as well to try and  prevent traumas that can play into crisis and for evaluation, treatment and rehabilitation for any human being who’s at risk of taking their own life, as well as other lives.

My thoughts and prayers are with both the families and friends of Marisa Harris and with the young 12 year old boy, where I hope that he should survive, but I can’t even imagine what both families are now facing.

No one should have to know of that and none of us should wait any longer before advocating for more comprehensive awareness and treatment options for those who are at risk of their mental health issues being fatal to them or another person/people.

Rest In Peace, Marisa………………

Note: I didn’t think it was fitting, to put in the body of the blog, about the young father who was tragically killed, a few weeks ago, when teens through a rock on an overpass. I think it’s noteworthy, even though they are two separate tragedies.

One innocent person died as a result of a youth, not realizing the consequences of their actions, could hurt another person. The other was by teens that should’ve been old enough to know that their actions could result in a fatality, and just didn’t care what the potential consequences could be, in their victim.

Also note, due to the nature of THIS particular blog, I didn’t put my normal disclaimer of people seeking acute clinically trained help, when in an acute mental health crisis, as in this case, it wouldn’t have helped.

Editorial note/update: Blog was written and published on 10-29-2017.

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