It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category

You need to get off of Facebook…

“Let’s start by, making it clear, who’s the enemy here and we’ll show them, that it’s NOT them, who’s superior /It’s gonna be bad, it’s gonna be wrong, it’s gonna  feel GOOD……”

Thievery Corporation “Marching the Hate Machines Into The Sun”

I, remember when I first saw the above video, it had to be about 5 years ago, and ironically it had been shared on Facebook, before the era of timeline when people were still sharing things on their wall, if you remember, life on Facebook before timelines.

And while I knew the video had some relevance to me and many others, it was the first time I heard the song played in video and let myself dwell on that, because I wasn’t ready to think I had a MAJOR problem with social media, when I already knew that I did.

SO…. I just concentrated on the music making me feel my manic depressive episodes had a theme song. And nothing else, even though I watch the video, often, in the last 5 years.

That what I just shared  above, will be relevant, it’s just gonna take me like always, a little bit of time and whole bunch of words to make my point.

Now, it also bears mentioning that when I refer to social media, for me, I’m talking about Facebook, as while I’m on Twitter, to link/”promote” my blog,  that I know there’s all kinds of social media, like Imgur, Reddit, etc.

That’s just too much choice in social media,  for my already  foggy, “Bermuda Triangle for a brain” head, though I just kind of have tendency to stick with Facebook, even though I struggle with that, and I DEFINITELY have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/04/08/new-study-links-facebook-to-depression-but-now-we-actually-understand-why/

I had stumbled on this little gem on Monday of an article, had thought about making it a discussion question on my Facebook timeline, because the takeaway from it, is that most people feel bad about Facebook because it makes them feel inferior and/or that they are jealous.

(I, probably should add, an important nugget of info. I AM an internet addict, I’ve been one since I got a computer almost 20 years ago, and I discovered AOL. Just try to be patient, as I’m gonna EVENTUALLY make a major point. It should also be mentioned after freaking out about all the HATE on Facebook, which I nicknamed “Hatebook”, I  wrote a major rant about all the hate between people online,  as a status update, on Monday night and went offline on Monday night and will not be online much as I really need a break from social media, the news and what the media and Facebook THINKS is newsworthy or relevant, as well as the animosity regarding politics of all kinds, here in the U.S. and on social media, is just more negativity than I can take or deal with)

The biggest problem I have with social media, or as in my case with Facebook, at least as it applies to myself , is not the feeling of jealousy or envy, because in my case, if I’d be jealous over anyone who had an advantage of me, there’s about 99.5% of adults who can drive a car, raise their kids and keep a job and that’s just WAY too many people for me to be JEALOUS of.

So, I didn’t ask any discussion questions on Monday about the article, because I knew it would be hard for others to to answer honestly as well as the whole Facebook turning into Hatebook debacle . And I get why it would be hard to answer questions that people don’t want to ask themselves that the article brings up on the above link, let alone comment on it publicly. That’s if Facebook would even show it in people’s newsfeeds and didn’t think it would, considering the content.

One of the  biggest problems that I have in the era of social media, is the feeling of being manipulated, knowing that I am, and still letting it get to me.

And while Facebook does a great job of manipulating people, they aren’t totally at fault. There wouldn’t be a supply, if there wasn’t a demand.

And manipulating people has been around for a really long time, to sell products, services and ideas, whether it’s  professional or personal manipulation.

Facebook is just one of the BEST at it and the most successful at manipulating others.  While I consider myself a “Google” girl, and I know they do that too, Facebook is way more in your face about it.

If you’ll pardon the horrible pun…..

The problems that people have because of social media or looking for a cure with social media, and human beings when almost everything we need to know  has a digital and/or advanced electronical delivery system is multifaceted and complex. I can hit what I think are biggest issues, and we can go from there.

We’ve sadly though,  become a society of not so closeted social media voyeurs and exhibitionists. People pick and choose about who they care about and who’s just an audience to them, so callously now a days.

There’s already a social media aspect to psychiatry and there’s already a great need for more research in place, of how damaging our dependence on technology, actually is  to ourselves and how we relate to other human beings. Both online and offline.  And how we can evaluate and treat people who have this as a major issue/addiction/obsession in their lives.

I understand I didn’t discover that, the problem is, what to do, when internet and social media addiction isn’t talked about very much.

And it definitely needs to be talked about more, in great detail.

I knew within 2 days of getting a computer, in November of 1996, that I was going to have a major problem with internet addiction, it’s something I rarely talk about, though.

And unlike most junkies, I can handle a non social media aspect of using the internet. Meaning I could take internet breaks (for a couple of days) and I did, from almost the start, of not touching a computer, except at work on Fridays. I still take social media internet sabbaticals, all the time.

I managed not to touch a computer or go anywhere near the internet for an ENTIRE year, after my suicide attempt in August of 2008. While I didn’t have any choice for a little over a month, I did have 11 months where I did have the choice and chose not to. I was too out of it, I knew I was too broken and too vulnerable to be ANYWHERE NEAR A COMPUTER (I didn’t know either, at the time, as I was still too  overly medicated, that people could go online on other devices, let alone knew what Facebook even was, when I came back online in late August of 2009 and joined but was rarely online until early 2010, when I was out of the mh system and not overly medicated, any longer).

The problem is that social media, while has been a major blessing, it’s also had a major negative impact on my life.  Some of that is my fault and or due to my barriers and I own that. But a lot of the issues people have with social media and while their issues vary, the consequences can have a horribly negative impact on our lives.

You’re probably wondering when I’m going to make my point and then when I hit a nerve (if I haven’t already) , either wanna let me have it, so you’ll discount my crappy writing style, my mental health and/or cognitive disabilities, or many of my other faults,  as what I’m saying could NEVER happen to you.

The problem is, if you really do some soul searching, you’ll find that it ALREADY  is a major problem, for a lot of us. Social media addiction and/or (not just for those of us, who already have mental health diagnoses) socially media induced mood and personality problems already DO  exist and are in abundance.

Unfortunately, while I can tell you what the problems could be, I can’t tell you what the CURE is. At least the cure for YOU. I’m not saying NOT go on social media websites, and chances are, that most people who have this as addiction and/or major issue in their lives, don’t have the luxury of NOT being on the internet.

Or more bizarrely, that sadly,  what will possibly and/or most likely  help you will come from the internet, if you finally realize that you have a problem.

I went to use Google for articles on social media addiction, after I started this blog, tonight. Some were articles, some were blogs. While there are some good links and good advice, and I’ll post them, the problem is that, I can’t do that without risking manipulating my readers that way, while I don’t make money from this blog, WordPress does and so does any link that I put on here. But some of the advice dispensed in the links below, could be helpful.

I have to trust that if you realize that you have an internet and/or social media addiction, that you’ll seek “in real life”  professional guidance from a clinically trained professional.

Not real help from a complex disabled blogger. Not from Dr. Drew or Dr. Phil or any of the internet psychological superstars. A real life and offline clinically credentialed professional. Who evaluates and treats you, in person.

I can only  hope that this will start a badly needed dialogue about social media and internet addiction. It’s just kinda messed up , as while I wouldn’t hold an AA meeting in a bar, I wouldn’t hold an OA meeting at a buffet or GA meeting in a casino, that to get a dialogue going, it needs to be done ONLINE.

For those of you who don’t think you have a problem with internet and/or social media addiction, let me ask you the following:

Do you believe you can be you true self, both as you look and who you are on the inside, both online and offline?

Do you dream and/or fantasize  in “social media” and/or Facebook and/or are preoccupied with any certain people on social media, both when asleep and/or awake?

Are you preoccupied with what you are missing online, and/or do others such as family and/or friends, comment on how much you are on social media and/or not paying attention to them when offline because the truth is, you are wondering what and who you are missing online ?

Do you need it explained to you that there’s not much difference between a “half truth” and a whole lie?  Do you ever feel like you’re not your truest self on or offline or worse, you can’t be your authentic self? That NOBODY would like you, if you were your true self?

None of the above questions apply to you? Great, didn’t think so (now I’m choking on my own sarcasm, but I’m honestly trying to help). It’s okay, I  can be the only person out of a BILLION who might have an issue with internet/social media addiction.

Alright, with the sarcasm out of the way, hopefully this will lead to an honest discussion that’s terribly needed.Even though I can’t in good conscience, promote it anywhere.

But if you build it, they will come, RIGHT? Or more  like if you write it they will read it?…

Helpful and honest insight and/or critique is welcomed. As well as discussion for those who realize they have internet/social media addiction and/or depression/obsession  or other problems from social media and/or being online too much.

Anything  comments that could triggering to a reader will NOT be published. Thanks….

Links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/7-reasons-why-quitting-facebook-now-good-for-your-future.html

http://www.lifehack.org/233325/5-psychological-reasons-you-are-addicted-facebook-and-5-ways-break-the-habit

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/technology/social-media-addiction

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You CAN’T handle the/my TRUTH….

hypocrites1

“Yeah I’m gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do, you keep messing up and I’ll keep praying for you”
“Pray for You”-Jaron and The Long Road to Love

Soooooooo. I was chatting with someone local via Facebook, but that I never met, earlier today and the question that I most loathe to be asked, comes up.

That question would be “how are you?”……

While I know both what my blessings and what the bad things in my life are, I’m not one of those people who has severe chronic pain and says I’m “fine” when I’m NOT.

Depending on though who’s asking, will usually dictate how I answer. In this case, this person found me via my blog ,because of weight loss surgery and the nature of my association was more of my listening and that person venting, which was ok, she wasn’t the type of the person who sucked the life out of me, like some people who I have associations with, who think because I’m homebound a lot and disabled that I have all the time in the world for them and their issues, which have much more greater importance than mine.

Now, it’s relevant to this blog, that I reiterate that I live in Minneapolis and the Twin Cities is getting our first big snow of the season……

So, I actually honestly answer that I’m not feeling the best, but I’m grateful that I don’t have to go anywhere today and leave it at that.

Now I’m not the type of person to take screen shots (don’t know how and don’t wanna) of a conversation online. I try not to judge those who will publicly post private exchanges on social media, I wouldn’t like to be on the other side of that, so it’s not something that I’d opt to do.

But this is the reason for this blog. I basically was responded to, when I said I didn’t feel the greatest that I had to hear how “lucky” I was that I’m disabled enough not to have to drive or work anymore. That was almost said verbatim as well as being told “I’m ALMOST jealous of you”.

That’s not the first time I’ve had crap like that spewed on me. I just found it ironic that I got another instant message from a friend who said I should be grateful that “you don’t have to drive in this crap” at the same time (I can no longer drive due to my disabilities). As well as receiving an email this morning, from an ex, who had the stomach flu and “almost” felt sorry for me for how I felt when I was nearly dying for years of multiple g.i. bleeds, multiple times.

I guess what I’m asking and/or venting about, is what’s with all this passive aggressive bullshit??? I know I’m not the only one who has to put up with it, as  social media (i.e in my case, Facebook) gives you insight on what your friends have to put up with, too.

When did having empathy for others become a lost art form? I understand that everyone has their own barriers and their own sad, if not devastating life stories. I have friends who’ve battled cancer and never once complained. I have friends who can’t have children or have had to bury them and they don’t look for pity. EVER.

I just don’t understand people who ask a question/s to another and are hoping for a negative response/outcome, that’s if they care at all, which they usually don’t,  about an answer.

With everything I’ve ever did or said, I’ve never wanted to become the poster child of/for pity. I do complain a lot, but I also show gratitude a lot, which I think for me, is a good balance. I appreciate what’s been amazing in my life and realize I’ve survived some awful things, and while I’m damaged,  I’m not completely shattered. I’m still living MY life, the best I can, with what I was dealt with, which is what most of us, do, even though we have different things that we are dealing with.

I  guess I don’t get people who can constantly talk about saving sloths, trees and the environment, but don’t give a damn about another human being, at least in a meaningful way that’s not self serving.

This is what ended up happening though, in my conversation this morning. As I was a little more blunt than I usually am, because I’m getting REALLY sick of people who use others as an example of what they don’t want to be and couldn’t be clearer about their intentions. As I just told that person straight out, that I was not envious of them, AT ALL (which is true), wished them a safe commute and then went offline.

Which of course, got me unfriended and blocked on Facebook.

I don’t respond (well, at least directly) to those who don’t have my best interest at heart. And for those who do make it clear that I serve a self centered purpose in their lives, they don’t have that much power on how I feel about myself.

And that’s one of the points of this blog. I don’t have to wish people well who don’t have my best interest at heart. You don’t have to, either. While I think any type of physical or psychological revenge is NOT OK, the video posted above, does make me feel better, when people go out of their way to make me feel bad about myself and it might help you, my dear reader, as well.

Dr. Lisa’s prescription for those who are suffering from bullshititis via proxy…

Rx: Listen to “Pray for you” by Jaron and The Long Road to Love, max t.i.d.  Also vent to a caring supportive person or you can vent on this blog.

You’re welcome….

And I’d also love to know when people will ever, learn? If you friend me on Facebook as  a result of my blog, but then block me for some reason on Facebook, make sure ya unfollow me on WordPress, too, OK ?

And for those who care how I’m doing? Physical pain levels are actually kinda high and I can barely walk or stand and it hurts to even write. But when I think about how sick I still was 5 years ago, can’t complain too much.

Feel free to let me know how you are doing, when you get a chance whether things are going great to horrible….

Because, I do actually care…..

And for my haters: ” Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car, in your house or in your car, wherever you are, honey, I pray for you, I pray for you”-Jaron and The Long Road to Love and I. 😉

Cause if it didn’t happen during the social media era, it didn’t happen, RIGHT?

ats111

http://www.travelandleisure.com/articles/video-paris-landmarks-hyperlapse?xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_tl

The above link, just showed up on my newsfeed on Facebook. And wow, Paris has sure changed in the last 19 years, since I’ve been there.

I’ve been kinda quiet on social media, since I’ve come home from Las Vegas, other than my blogs I wrote, last week.

And it was 2 weeks ago, that I left for Las Vegas. And while I put a lot of my trip in check-in, pictures and comments on Facebook, for many reasons, one primary reason, stands out, to most who know me well.

So, that I actually remember my own trip to Las Vegas.

And how my adventures there, made me feel.

Having strange long term and short term memory issues, and knowing that I have that, is a very mixed blessing.

While most people give me credit for adventures that I’m willing to go on, as well as share,  being a complex medically, mentally and cognitively disabled chick, they also know I spend an enormous amount of time, at home, alone.

Most of my time spent, is trying to keep the memories I have, of my life when I had my children, living with me. My son turns 23 on Friday, and I’ve been a mother for over 1/2 my life, now.

WOW!!!

My feeling and loving them as a mother, DID NOT change when our addresses, unfortunately, did, 7 years ago.

I was on the phone, yesterday morning and was speaking to someone about a volunteer opportunity, that I might be eligible to do.

And I was trying to explain the events in my life and sum up my life, in a 40 minute telephone conversation.

And that was hard to do. The person I was on the phone, was nice about it and I understood that the questions that were asked, were necessary.

I was trying to convey of how blindsided I was about how the events in my life, changed in the last 10 years. That while I still tried to live a life with purpose and meaning, and be grateful that I was still alive, that I’m always going to have to refer to my past, as far as the best years of my life, were concerned.

Not my present, not my future, no matter what I do in my life, to try and make it meaningful for myself and for others.

So while I can still smile, when I talk about that time that I went on a business trip to London, and Princess Diana was on my plane (something I reference both on Facebook and my blog on occasion and I also took the Eurostar to Paris) in June of 1996, the fact that Zachary, my eldest,  had a mother who could take time off from work to bring birthday treats, to school, will always be a bigger deal, to me. Volunteered for every holiday party, in his elementary school career, as well as took him on vacations.

But the day to day stuff with my children, when they lived with me, has meant the most.

The fact that I could get my 2 children who were 10 1/2 years apart, that I was raising by myself to 2 different daycares, and worked full time, drove a car, maintained a household, then was still as I was getting sicker, still planning on starting my own business, 10 years ago,  the irony that I can’t do any of that, any longer, when people used to tell me they didn’t know how I did so much, is so far, NOT  lost on me. When I saw my daughter briefly the other day, she was shocked that she didn’t know that she had been out of our state, when she was younger and I was able to tell her about when we went to Florida and Wisconsin Dells, when she was a toddler.

It makes me profoundly sad, that my children had two different mothers, in me. And that she loves me so much, even though she has no expectations of me.

It’s just what is lost on me, and in me, that HAUNTS me. I know how lucky I am to have children, I know how lucky I am that everyone I love the most, is still alive.

I can’t escape the irony, either, that as hard as it is, to try and remember anything significant, that my writing is getting slightly better, even if my memory isn’t.

I go back to my old blogs and it’s “TL:dr” situation for me. With my OWN writing. Nothing has changed though in the last almost 2 1/2 years that I launched my blog, as a disabled writer, other than I try my hardest to be a little more concise.

People ask, on occasion, what would I do, if I could go back and change the past, what I’d do differently. Sometimes they are asking about whether or not, I’d have my gastric bypass, again. Some people will insensitively ask, whether or not I regret having my children (I don’t answer the latter question, I just look at people in HORROR, and it’s enough for them to know that it’s so not appreciated).

I can’t honestly say that there is anything that I would’ve done differently, given my circumstances and skill sets, at the time that I experienced anything from wonderful to horrific.

Not that it matters, I can’t go back and change anything and that’s something I’ve learned to make my peace with.

I have to say, for someone who at the age of 45 1/2, while most of my significant life, is over and was over before a billion people have decided to hang out on Facebook, I’m still not OVER.

So if you wondered why I pick and choose certain things to highlight  in my “social media” life, I hope this makes more sense now. I hope it makes more sense of why I’m pretty much the same, in my “offline” life, as I am online. And why I choose to live such a transparent life, but that I take breaks from social media, often (another blog specific to that, will be written, soon) and need my privacy and being reclusive, too…

For someone who never took anyone or anything for granted, I still will always struggle with my current circumstances, even though I know that life could be and definitely has been, much worse.

And it will be worse again, so I know that the universe doesn’t need to take that, as a challenge.

Just hopefully I’ll retain what I have in memory and skill sets, to get through it.

So, while I can’t say I’ll always have memories of London, Paris, Las Vegas, NYC, Miami and Fort Lauderdale given my memory issues, it’s what happened in my life, in Plymouth, Minnesota, that meant the most  to me(my children and I lived in Plymouth,MN other than 3 years, when Zachary was a toddler that we lived in New Hope, MN).

And I’m grateful to know the difference that the relevance of my life, past, present and future, isn’t based upon the relevance of it to another, especially a stranger or someone who doesn’t have my best interest at heart, on social media.

Just because it’s called Facebook…..

MjAxNC0zYWYyMTI2MDg1NDI5NWVm


(no copyright infringement intended with David Guetta’s “In Love With Myself”, which I’m not)

Doesn’t mean ya havta post a pic of one’s self, every second of the day, ya know???
And the answer would be NO, I don’t have an Instagram account….
And of course, I’m not talking about any of my Facebook friends. Just their friends, who make it my newsfeed 😉

Facebook…. Where it matters in what you see and look like, not what you say and stand for……

I STILL am addicted to Facebook… And have a love/hate relationship with myself, as a result….Anyone else?

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