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Archive for the ‘Size Acceptance’ Category

New Year’s Resolutions: Do you make them? Why or why not?

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I haven’t made a New Year’s Resolution since I had my Gastric Bypass in December of 2001. I still made a New Year’s resolution to lose weight, because I honestly believed that my surgery wouldn’t work. And even though it did, both short term (even though the 1st 30 lbs that I lost, the 1st month I had surgery was NOT noticeable, by the 2nd month, it was noticeable) and I went on to lose more weight, exceeding weight loss and fitness goals I never thought I’d achieve, let alone thought were possible, as well as complications and major regain issues, which are in other blogs of mine, in greater detail.

This again, is NOT an “anti-wls” blog.

I normally though don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions and I haven’t made them since  New Year’s Eve of 2001. Doesn’t mean that  I don’t have life goals, because I do. Even now that I’m more complex disabled than I ever dreamed and am not living the live I set out to, in 2002, when my life was better than I could’ve dreamed possible as well as becoming a horrific disaster that I could’ve never imagined.

If the picture above has any relevance to me, it’s that some of them have been recent life goals for me. I did lose 50 lbs in the last 14 months. I did make fitness goals that I exceeded. Which was to walk 15 miles in one day. I actually was achieving another goal, which was to travel out of state, and I did that when I went to Las Vegas in  late September/early October of 2015. And I exceeded that walking goal, on Halloween of 2015, when I got over 16 miles of walking in, in one day.

Part of the reason why I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, is that they don’t usually work for me. And when I fail at them, it makes me feel worse, which usually leads to other  self destructive behavior and self esteem problems, that have a tendency to make life worse for me, not better.

I’m not saying they can or cannot work for others, I’m just talking about myself. That I have to make an effort to improve my life, when my life dictates it’s needed. Not by a calendar or holiday that the only significance it should have, is that any new day, we can start over or make changes that will improve our own lives and/or the lives of others.

Because when it comes to issues regarding self improvement, the only person I really feel the need to be accountable to, is to myself. But because that doesn’t always work in areas of my life, that I’m working on, I am doing better of asking support when I need it, with like minded individuals, such as in matters of weight and fitness, but I’m also continuing to strive for balance, so I can’t get too caught up on weight /eating issues (and another specific blog to that, will be written shortly about that).

I do have new goals for 2016. Some of them are not likely to happen, such as going further west than Las Vegas this year, such as wanting to go to California, ideally Los Angeles or San Diego, which I had wanted to, last year, but couldn’t afford it as I’d like to see the Pacific Ocean, as well as feel it, before I die or become more disabled.

I’d like to get 20 miles of walking in one day, in this upcoming new year. I’m planning on evaluating why this former Certified Personal Trainer, who still does have weight loss goals and fitness goals and knows the importance of strength training, of why I’m not doing that already, as I know it would help. And I know it’s a form of self sabotage, as I still do that with food (again, will be discussing that more in my next blog).

I’m most certainly as a Size/Fat Acceptance advocate and activist, NOT trying to trigger those who have issues with our societies’s obsession with weight and fitness. But I have to be true to myself, both personally and as well as the fact, some people do find it helpful to know that people can lose weight after major regain issues, whether or not they have had bariatric surgery. That’s why with some reluctance, I’m going to post a “before and current” picture collage of myself.

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pic furthest to the left, 9/2001, 2nd to the left 7-2005, 2nd to the right, 10/2009, furthest to the right, 12-2-2015, on my 46th birthday and 3 days before the 14th “anniversary” of my gastric bypass which was 12-5-2001)

I’m still working on being a better activist. And I’m hoping to achieving other areas I’d like to do activism and advocacy for. I’m still evaluating of whether or not I’d like to  purchase the internet domain for both “unstapledlisa” and my business I’d like to re-purpose for “Not Your Typical Old Maid”, which was the name of my business that I was going to launch when I was going to start my business in 2005, as a Certified Personal Trainer, Bariatric Coach (both weight loss surgery and non weight loss surgery specific and with the intention of doing this both locally and nationally). as well as I was going to sub-specialize in adaptive and rehabilitative personal training, even for those who didn’t have weight loss of any kind as a goal.

But I had felt about fitness,  at that time, as well as currently, that it could help people be in better physical and mental health, that wasn’t all weight or eating related. Even though this was before I was diagnosed with my mental health issues, I  had already realized that what people’s “best health” could look like varies drastically between us, for many complex reasons.

I’m still working on but do fairly well, for someone who does have Bipolar 2, of finding middle ground in how I live my life, with balance. As sometimes Bipolar for me, and I’m not mocking it, in any way, is not just a mood disorder and a personality disorder, but a lifestyle, but I’m really good at not habitually abusing myself with any thing, substance or person, and I’m trying to work on, which will always be a work in progress.

I’m trying all of this, of course, for many reasons. On top of the list, is to be a better example for my almost 13 year old daughter. As I get more disabled, the likelihood of my having the relationship I’d ideally want, full time, with my daughter, becomes less likely, as I get more disabled. But it’s still important that I still continue to try as hard as I can, that I show more than in just words, but in actions, of doing things to make my daughter and  my adult son have something to be proud of me for, as well as the rest of my family.

But I also realize the importance of having a need of all this self improvement and self esteem work and growth, be for myself. In my case, I never thought of myself, as other bariatric patients (or anyone who’s overcame something that was a major life struggle, whether it be weight related or not), who think of themselves as a “new and improved” or different person.

I’m not saying that can’t work for a lot of others. It just doesn’t work for me. It’s in my best interest, to look at myself as the “same girl” with different circumstances and a different way of coping with them, but trying to act more in being the best I can, with the complex disabilities that I have.

In addition to working on my relationship with my self, I do also want to work on my relationships with others. Whether or not it’s constructive to add new friendships/relationships and evaluating and coming to a resolution of what relationships are not in my best interest, going forward.

And finally,  continuing on trying to make my peace with my past, and celebrate who and what was the best things to happen to my life, as well as not dwell on what was the worst parts of my life.

Here are my questions for discussion for my dear readers, if they choose to participate (I do ask because I am a Size/Fat Acceptance and soon to be more of a Body Dysmorphia and Eating Disordered blogger and activist) you frame your answers being specific to what’s best for you in your life. I will allow for my bariatric peeps, as some of them do believe in the work they do to combat Obesity, some leeway, but please realize your answers could be possibly be triggering to another reader of mine, so please try to be respectful of that. Also you can be as specific and as vague as you like if that would be in your best interest.

1. Do you make New Year’s Resolutions or life goals at any time of the year? Why or why not? What kind have you made and have you kept them? What was the most significant life changing New Years or life goal resolution you ever made?

2. If you make New Year’s Resolutions and/or life goals, does it help you to be specific and have a time table? Or does it work better for you if you don’t do that?

3. For those who are working on losing weight, do you find it helpful to do that with a support of a like minded on and/or off community. Do you find that it’s more helpful or hurtful to have losing weight as a single minded focus, or do you find it’s easier and or better for you, to do that as one component in improving one’s life, physically, mentally and emotionally?

4. For those who are triggered by our global obsession with fat, food and fitness, what do you do both around the new year and well every day, to get you less triggered by all the talk about the importance of weight loss, food intake and fitness. Or the fact that people generally consider those of larger size, unhealthy, how do you avoid getting hurt by that, personally? What would you like to say if you had a captive audience, of how hurtful that can be to another?

5. As far as the picture featured on top of the blog, are there any of them that you are working on? If some of them are something you’ve already achieved, how did you do that. What are you struggling with, the most? And do you realize those are only suggestions of areas that people can find happiness with making resolutions. That one is more likely to achieve a goal, when they do so because they want to feel better about themselves, not because they feel terrible about themselves.

If you can’t discuss either what I’ve said or the questions above, in a forum, like this, it still may help to ask yourself these questions and answer them, privately. Either internally or with people that you trust.

I’m wishing you all, a happy, healthy and wonderful new year. For those who are struggling, know that you aren’t alone and help is there, if you need it. While I ideally recommend professional medical and mental health help, please feel free to reach out to me, either on my blog publicly, privately or via email.

I cannot though stress though, that I, nor anyone on the internet, can help as much as a clinically trained medical and/or mental health provider who evaluates and treats you, in person.  I also have to stress, sometimes it takes trying more than one provider, to find the right help for you.

Note: Any comment that could possibly triggering to another, will NOT be published….

 

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Caught with your sticky fingers in the candy bowl, in the digital era…………

http://time.com/4095765/woman-caught-stealing-halloween-candy/

In full disclosure, even though the above story has trended in my newsfeed on Facebook, a zillion times, I’ve yet to see the video. Or read the links. I only used a search engine as I suspected this story would feed into fat hatred, and I wasn’t wrong in my assumption.

SO,  if ya missed it (impossible in the Facebook era, when the same story trends about 13 or 14 MILLION times to make sure one doesn’t miss something that’s considered trendworthy or newsworthy), which both are not mutually exclusive.

I would never call out anyone about their parenting, even though I’ve seen my friends do so, and that’s ok. But I’m not in a position given my circumstances, to dislike this lady for that reason.

I AM though, however in a position to absolutely HATE what she did (not ok to actually hate HER) , given the fat acceptance and size acceptance advocacy that I do.

I’m going to digress for a minute, then make my point on the “candybandit”. I absolutely HATE Halloween. Nothing fucks up this fat girl who’s been teased all her life for being fat and ugly (I’m speaking for myself only, I have a lot of larger size friends who LOVE Halloween) than a holiday designated to dressing up in ill fitting costumes on me and being given candy that others, including myself, think I’m too fat to fucking eat.

So, as a size and fat acceptance advocate, who’s only read the story in the link I posted above and did a 15 second search engine check, I’ve tried to ignore this story, but it’s impossible to ignore the links. I can’t imagine though, how much this is feeding into those who are fat phobic and fat haters (you wouldn’t believe how much HATE you can find in 15 seconds on social media and in a search engine) and if you are sensitive to fat hatred, do yourself a favor and don’t even bother, like ever, with the comments, which I occasionally torture myself with, but not in this case).

SO,  let me reiterate this, as it NEEDS to be said, NOT EVERY FAT PERSON is a threat to your candy bowl, Thanksgiving spread and all your Chrismas cookies. Not everyone who’s of larger size eats multiple entrees as one meal from Mickey D’s and Taco Bell?

UNDERSTOOD???

I will also say that’s it’s pathetic that people are driven to do something or not do something, based upon their actions potentially going viral, not because it’s the right or wrong thing to do. But this does teach an important lesson that almost everything that we do, has the potential to be newsworthy for worthless and messed up reasons.

So I’m going to open this up, to my followers/friends,  on WordPress, Facebook and Twitter, as a discussion topic. Did you watch the video? What is your opinion of this story and it actually being a story?

An example of a PATHETIC attempt or guise of Fat Acceptance by a “former” female fat hater of fat females…..

http://www.xojane.com/issues/why-i-hated-fat-women-and-how-i-stopped

I’m going to make the above blog a QOTD (Question of The Day) , against my better judgement. I think this blog was absolutely AWFUL. Maybe her honesty will make others think twice about fat bigotry they carry (and fat men were completely forgotten in this self serving hunk of crap). It wasn’t awful in it’s execution, it was AWFUL in it’s sentiment.

I happen to be grateful to miss that awful video by some comedienne, when it first went viral, when I was off Facebook from Wednesday night to yesterday morning, although I saw enough about it, yesterday alone.

Maybe to others, it shouldn’t matter why people get rid of their fat hatred, as long as they do. And if you read the comments (which you don’t want to, if you are sensitive to issues like this, as they are AWFUL), it will be evident, that the author’s “mea culpa”  was “muy mierda” (much bullshit, in Spanish).

But I guess to me, it should be that Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance should be kinda like a human right,  because it’s not right to hate anyone, based upon race, religion, sexual orientation, gender and/or gender identification and weight (thin or fat)….

Can you imagine, if I wrote a blog on how I got over my hatred of of thin people (which I don’t hate thin women, thin bashing is just as repugnant to me as fat bashing is) due to it being misogynist?. Sadly, it probably would be slightly more well received, ONLY,  because there’s a preconceived notion, based upon how much fat bigotry there is, that it’s normal (NO it’s NOT) for  fat women to hate on thin women due to thin privilege and sub-conscious or if not, conscious jealousy.

Kiya, I hope you evolve a little more. Your blog was offensive, to not only fat women but ALL fat people. I’d really like to think that XOJane was more evolved that it apparently is, to think an explanation and a feeble attempt to admit it was wrong under misogyny, is anything helpful in reducing fat hatred.

Even if it does. It’s for all the wrong reasons and hopefully you and your editors at XOJane will understand that.

I just don’t have high hopes that you will or the site will. And that greatly saddens me…..

Note: I don’t buy into the fat hatred excuse of caring about one’s health. One can’t hate others or themselves into the best health for them!!!!!

Questions regarding my blog and the link of the blog I posted:

Do you agree with me or the author of the blog on xojane.com? Elaborate as much or as little as you’d like ….

For those who are trying to overcome fat bigotry, given that it’s likely that someone who engages in a lot of fat hatred actions (i.e. comments on the internet or trolling Fat Acceptance sites and/or blogs) probably has someone they love and/or care about who is larger of size, how would you feel, if you don’t make them a target, that other people DO ? You will not be dinged for your honesty, if you admit doing this and finally realize how hurtful it is.

What needs to be changed so that Fat Acceptance IS finally understood to be a movement that it’s not right to hate others based upon how much space they take up, in your opinion, if you are NOT an activist but finally see that fat hatred is getting worse, not better and it has NOTHING to do with people’s health and can you acknowledge that?

There’s NO one right way to do Size and Fat Acceptance advocacy…..

So I’m in a reclusive mode, today, and just am having a Facebook binge, and a quiet day at home, as I don’t feel like going anywhere.

When the following  TWO following weight related links start to trend in my newsfeed on Facebook .

The first being more prevalent, than the latter, as far as being shared.

http://www.thefrisky.com/2015-08-24/the-soapbox-did-fatphobia-enable-jared-fogles-predatory-behavior/?utm_source=share-fb&utm_medium=button

http://www.wearyourvoicemag.com/dear-virgie-can-someone-pursuing-weight-loss-be-fat-positive/

Now, I’ve wanted to write for awhile, about the hypocrisy I see in the size and fat acceptance movement. And sometimes size acceptance and fat acceptance are mutually exclusive among activists.

While I’ve always tried to make my internet spaces, safe for people, when it comes to weight talk, that’s absolutely impossible to do, when I’m co-existing on the internet as both a weight loss surgery long time peer (and I’m supportive of those who elect any of the weight loss surgeries) as well as as being a size and fat acceptance advocate, where I definitely advocate that people shouldn’t have to lose weight at all. For ANY reason.

I, however have a lot less Fat Acceptance advocates as social media buds, then I did 4 years ago, and for very good reason.

There’s a lot of reverse sizeism prejudice that goes on in many of the fat acceptance communities. And it’s totally unnecessary. And totally hypocritical. If not extremely hurtful to some people, when putting down people who are smaller in size, as far as weight is concerned.

Not only that, it’s extremely hypocritical to tell people they can’t lose weight and be in size and fat acceptance advocacy. I’m NOT sorry, for saying, “my body, my business and not for anyone to judge” when it comes to those who think I’m too fat or a bariatric failure to be in the weight loss surgery communities and I also get told I’m a crappy Fat Acceptance advocate for defending people’s right to lose weight, up to and including having a surgical intervention for weight loss.

However, as it applies to the 2nd link I posted, which was a blog from yesterday by Virgie Tovar, it’s one thing if you want to have an initiative called #LoseHateNotWeight. Which I’ve largely ignored for the most part. The same with HAES (even though I defend both).  But to speak poorly for those of us in Fat Acceptance who think it’s ok, if someone wants to lose weight and people’s right to lose weight if they want to? On their own safe spaces??? That should be okay to anyone. But not is it only NOT okay, people like me, are personally demonized for defending both intentional weight loss and to not have to lose weight to be treated with respect.

In NO WAY  is that acceptable to do that to some of us, who believe in both defending people’s right to lose weight and defending people’s right NOT to lose weight and not be judged harshly, which Virgie did in her blog yesterday. I understand fat bigotry (HELLO, I identify as an FA), I realize that I probably don’t get triggered as much as some people do by intentional weight loss talk, because I am a long term weight loss surgery peer. That doesn’t mean that intentional weight loss talk doesn’t get to me, at times, too, because it does. But it’s an “occupational hazard” I embrace, because while I’m not fully accepted in ANY community I do activism for,  my weight loss surgery peers do a better job of supporting what they agree with me with and ignoring what they don’t.

I’ve gotten bashed enough times with my opinions on defending intentional weight loss in my own internet spaces, by FAs that I’m no longer affiliated with any particular FA group.

It isn’t a matter of biting the hand that feeds you, when a FA bashes someone who defends both sides. NO ONE tells me what type of advocacy I can do or can’t do and NO ONE tells me how to do it. Telling me or insinuating that there’s something flawed with my Fat Acceptance advocacy and activism, for those  who defend intentional weight loss in their OWN safe spaces, is failing fat people, it ain’t helping them.

What militant Fat Acceptance are doing by bashing people like myself, hurts Fat Acceptance it doesn’t help it. And sometimes it borders on bullying people to think exactly like as far as how certain militant Fat Acceptance advocates do their activism.  People like me, are probably the ONLY shot, Fat Acceptance has of being understood, by true fat bigots, who’ve NEVER been fat,   in getting the message across, it’s NOT ok to HATE on something, that people have been conditioned for years by society and the media, to find unacceptable if not repulsive, by saying be apathetic to what one hates or try to understand the what, why and where their hatred comes from. And get past it.

So that the world will be a better place, for everyone.

You really think fat haters or going to buy into Fat Acceptance, otherwise? Just by a hypocritical movement that still is bashing people based upon size (those who are on the thinner side of the spectrum or who want to be)???

Seriously???….

The only thing I’m embarrassed enough to admit, is that I wanted to write a blog like this, a long time ago. But have put it off as I do have very FEW militant FAs that I adore. And who’ve been extremely supportive of me, regardless of what opinions I share about weight matters in my own internet spaces or they’ve shown me the courtesy of ignoring in what I do or say that they don’t agree with.

They don’t pretend that I don’t exist. If I’d digitally delete or unfriend someone every time I had a difference of opinion, I’d have NO social media buds. I, for the most part try to have an ” agree to disagree, respectfully” stance when discussing controversial subjects.

While my social media spaces aren’t a democracy, they aren’t a dictatorship, either.

But the reason why I’m saying this about the majority of the militant Fat Acceptance advocates, they do just as much bullying, in some cases as the bullying that they are trying to fight. It’s one thing to me, as exhibited in my blog, to be hateful to outright haters (like in my last blog), I am not hateful of anyone who just has a strongly different opinion in the matter of body politics, than my own.

And as far as the Jared Fogle link, being shared in the Fat Acceptance communities or anywhere for the matter? Insinuating that their might have been any type of possibility that fat phobia caused Jared Fogle to be a predator? That’s ridiculous and insulting. And it is  feeding into fat phobia, not helping it.

The ONLY reason Jared Fogle acted out on pedophiliac behavior is because he is a pedophile!!!

p.s I’m not really worried about the few who might unfriend me over my opinions on how badly some FAs begin with. The ones I respect their opinion, I gave them heads up. The ones I didn’t, including Virgie, I’m NOT going to miss the support I NEVER had from them.  People who have issues with being egocentric either online or offline, definitely is NOT smaller size, specific.

p.s.s.  I also have a thicker skin, if you’ll excuse the horrible pun, the most people give me credit for. One has to, when they exist in a world that either tells them that they are too fat or they aren’t fat enough!!!

Note: Respectful differences of opinions, will be published.

The Invasion of the Body Shamers……

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I’ve been online for a couple of hours, and I’m horribly disappointed, actually disappointed probably doesn’t cover it, let’s try FUCKING OUTRAGED, that people have nothing better to do then to body shame, whether it’s fat shaming OR thin shaming. It happens all the time, this is what’s “trended” in my newsfeed in the last 36 hours.

Because I happen to be a body diversity acceptance advocate, when a meme hits my newsfeed on social media that shames any body type, especially a certain meme that’s starting to go viral, I’ll download it, because I regularly blog and do body diversity acceptance.

Sadly, the following meme below has been shared at least 3 separate times, this morning by my Facebook buds. Even more pathetically, it’s been by WLS peeps, that I usually adore. As well as I’ve had to see when their friends shared it and the nasty comments that followed, in agreement with the sentiment of the meme.
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What’s even more disheartening see shit like the above be shared by a weight loss peer of mine, is the fact that what I refer to the “formerly fat” who’ve had weight loss surgery, know how shitty it is to be a target of fat hate. The 3 of you who shared this, are also activists of sorts for causes or discrimination outside of weight.

Furthermore, why someone’s weight leads them to a mobilized scooter is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS and certainly not for you to judge, but especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, if one has to resort to having their digestive system surgically altered to lose weight.

Let me enlighten some of my weight loss surgery peeps who think it’s ok to post memes like the one above (let alone anyone else)….

I know quite a few fat people who are in mobilized scooters for heartbreaking reasons. I know at least 3 people who want weight loss surgery and they can’t get it, because they need bilateral total knee replacements. They are in a vicious cycle where they can’t get their knees replaced until they lose weight and they can’t lose weight and/or get bariatric surgery because their mobility is impacted by having crappy knees to meet a bariatric surgeon’s weight loss requirement to qualify for weight loss surgery.

Then there is at least 2 people I know who are in need of mobility scooters who are still fat after weight loss surgery but gained weight because they had older weight loss surgeries (like vertical banded gastroplasty that proceeded the laproscopic adjustable banding) their metabolisms, digestive systems and bodies are shot, even though they can’t eat much and either don’t want to have another bariatric surgery and/or they can’t because again, their mobility is impacted by damage done to their bodies already by bariatric surgery.

Note: This is not an anti-wls blog, no need to defend wls, just stay on topic, which is body shaming.

Then I know another 4 or 5  people who are in mobility scooters who had weight loss surgery lost quite a bit of weight, however they were at a higher weight when they started, so even though they lost a  hundred to a few hundred pounds, they are still are clinically morbidly obese. Some of them have medical health issues, such as crappy thyroid or MS, to name a few. Some of them can’t ever get to their goal weight due to mental health issues due to being  psychotropic meds that wreck havoc with metabolism as well as create the food obsession from HELL (reason for my EPIC regain prior to my reversal, even though I had so many gastric bypass complications).

Those are just a few examples of why people are fat and need a mobility scooter and why fat shaming pics, really piss me off, from ANYONE. But especially for those of you who had weight loss surgery and know how harshly we get judged for having that.

The thin bashing pics that I’ve seen in the last 36 hours ain’t any better. I get the need for size acceptance and fat acceptance, that’s why I do activism for that. It’s not necessary though to post memes like I’ve seen, featured below…

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Great, so not only are there is  thin shaming pics, let’s throw in slut shaming, too. And I’m not even going to touch slut shaming in this blog, I am going to say though, people can make a point about a need for fat acceptance without body shaming, anyone. I’ve met women who were naturally extremely thin or extremely thin due to how pervasive fat shaming and oppression is. Women who were suicidal because they were bullied for being too thin, all their lives, just like people who’ve been suicidal, due to fat hatred….

Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to do this activism, regarding body shaming. I feel like I’m fighting a battle that will NEVER have significant and measurable progress. And while I can say I’ve been trying to lose some weight, and I have lost some, that I get hit  hard when it comes to fat and thin shaming, as I’ve been both in the past. And presently. And for some fat acceptance advocates, because I do activism that’s weight loss positive (i.e. choice to lose weight, including defending a surgical intervention), and because I talk about my own personal weight loss on rare occasion, I get called out for being a shitty fat acceptance advocate.

At the same time, others in the weight loss surgery community, use me as an example of what not to look like or weigh post weight loss surgery. I probably would be hit harder by all of this crap, personally, but after I’ve been through, if all anyone can deduct is that I’m a shitty weight loss surgery peer or a shitty fat acceptance activist, they are TOTALLY missing the point.

I’m a great activist and support system to all people who don’t have a voice who have to be bombarded by bullshit body shaming on what’s already going an alarming rate, and it’s only getting WORSE.

I’m not good at many things, but I’m fucking ROCKING when it comes to instilling empathy and understanding in others. Unless, of course one is a hateful bigot that there’s no hope for….

Here’s a fairly recent full body picture of me, that was taken exactly a month ago on 5-14-2015…..

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So yeah, I don’t have the type of body that’s fat and full of curves. I carry both weight and a lot of extra skin, as well as a ventral hernia behind my reversal scar (hence why I’m trying to lose a little weight, as it’s uncomfortable, my weight though at my heaviest and thinnest has NEVER been a health issue) primarily in my midsection. But I’m also, though, no longer thin. So while I relate to, what I’ve called being an “inbetweenie”, as I’m 10 sizes smaller on average, then my heaviest and I’m about 10 sizes bigger than my smallest, most people don’t understand my personal tie to my activism.

My weight though, is no longer,( unless I’m at Bebe or Guess?) the most noticeable thing about me. I take up one seat on the bus, I fit in a booth comfortably and walk a lot, even though I’m quite disabled from everything I’ve done to be thin and stay there.

People have to stop judging and shaming things they will NEVER understand. The above memes posted in this blog, show that everyone, even the most nicest people, can have an ugly side, that’s hopefully open to positive change so they aren’t continually both harming and hurting a class of people’s feelings, as it applies to our body size, young and old, male and female.

So the next time you post a body shaming meme, think about if it could hurt someone you love. let anyone else you care about. While Melissa McCarthy was quoted in an interview, recently, about a movie review who body and appearance shamed her in the past, of my saying to the man, “what if your daughters had to read this, how would you feel?”

I’ve been saying the same thing. For YEARS, now. And I have a personal stake in this, because all the body and looks shaming, everything I’ve done to be thin, is largely to blame, of why I’m not actively raising my OWN daughter.

So yeah, I guess I’m in this type of activism, as far as body diversity acceptance for the long haul. I’ll be damned that everything I’ve been through, was for nothing. I’ll do what it takes to remove body hate, in hopes that improves quality of lives, if not save a life.

And to do at least SOMETHING, to make this world a better place for my own daughter to live in. As well as EVERYONE’S sons and daughters to live in.

Note: Same rules apply, as usual. You are more than welcome to respectfully disagree with me. ANY comments that could be potentially triggering to a reader, will NOT be posted. I’m asking in advance, let’s not play the “health” card in either direction. Because admit it, none of the shaming memes posted above, has ANYTHING to do with health.

WLS Support 101- When you’re doing it WRONG…..

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I’m sure the fact that I blog about weight loss surgery (wls) matters, angers people. In fact I know that it does, because I’ve gotten quite a bit of vitriol for still remaining online and on social media, in the weight loss surgery community. Both with people who do it anonymously and those who’ve attached their identity with their hate.

I’m kind of proof positive, that someone can have not necessarily an optimistic view point, as it applies to my own gastric bypass complications but NOT  subject that on everyone on the weight loss surgery community. Most of my weight loss surgery peers, especially if they get me, even if they DO NOT, find I’m supportive of their their weight loss journies. Whether they elected to have bariatric surgery or not. Whether they had ideal or catastrophic circumstances, afterwards.

I probably was the most anti-wls peep on the planet, 3 months before my gastric bypass reversal that occurred in 9/2010. And for about 3 months afterwards. Then I realized a couple of things, that still stay relevant to this day, especially given the fact I support people’s choice to have a surgical weight loss intervention to lose weight, in addition to supporting people’s right in what I do with Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance (where this will have relevance as it applies to the weight loss community whether or not people have a surgical intervention, will make more sense,as I go along, in blog, if people don’t already understand this about me, to begin with, as people think it’s a conflict of interest and it really isn’t. For multiple reasons) which means I support people’s right not to have to lose weight and not get judged. For ANY reason. Just like I also abhor thin shaming. Also for ANY reason.

The people I tend to anger in the weight loss surgery community, number for many reasons. For some, they are upset I talk about weight loss surgery matters, because apparently I didn’t have an optimal outcome. I came out of my gastric bypass, with my life. And barely with that. I had an epic regain PRIOR to my reversal. My gastric bypass reversal is confusing to many, because I was on the heavier side, even though I had lost quite a bit of regain, by the time I was reversed. But my reversal was NEVER about being non compliant or my weight, which I was not the most non compliant bariatric surgical peep and had nothing to do with my weight, thin or fat. It had everything to do with that I acutely was going to die from multiple gi bleeds, multiple times (this is before my lil hands ever got a hold of an NSAIDS which I sparingly took at this time) in 2010, to secondary reasons of my inability to absorb essential nutrients and vitamins for many years, it progressively getting worse, as I further got post op. And the secondary complications that are caused by severe long term nutritional deficiencies by someone who’s actually taking their vitamins.

Here’s what I learned during the 6 months I was VERY anti-wls. I NEVER successfully talked anyone out of having weight loss surgery. Like EVER. That what I say about weight loss surgery will vary on who’s asking and WHY they are asking. And where they are asking it. If someone is primarily in the weight loss surgery community, but hasn’t had surgery yet, I’ll tell them both the positive and the risks of ANY bariatric surgery. And if I don’t know best about a surgery, I’ll refer them to my fellow wls peers who believe in saying both the positives and potential negatives about any wls.

I however will talk  primarily, about the risks, primarily, if someone is in the  Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance community. Not saying all SA/FA members are anti wls or anti weight loss. Most of them, ARE however, anti weight loss. Usually for ANY reason (which is understandable, to a certain extent, given how much weight loss is shoved down people’s throats). I figure by nature, if someone is in the SA/FA community, or of having a lot of their social support coming from anti-wls peeps, they aren’t looking in the first place to be talked IN to having weight loss surgery. They are looking to be talked OUT of weight loss surgery and probably are NOT ideal candidates for weight loss surgery. And the few who’ve had weight loss surgery, even after talking with me, ended up regretting it. That’s why I operate the way that I do, about this.

There’s many reasons and the reason why it needs to be said on a weight loss surgery specific blog, of why Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance should matter more to my wls peers even though I understand why they fear it, is because even if I could keep my answers that’s strictly relevant to the wls or weight loss community, it fails everyone. But so this doesn’t end up being a 10k word blog, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

The fat/fitness/food shaming has no business in wls support. IMNSHO. It’s one thing if a certain weight loss surgery post op, is asked for advice, while some peers may be blunt, it’s not with the intention to shame, that’s just their communication style. It’s another when people shame and scare people about regain issues. Or judge people who’ve had regain or never got to goal.

I can’t stand when this is done. Especially IN the weight loss surgery community. People sometimes have extenuating circumstances of regain or never getting to goal. Or they lost a significant amount of weight, but they started at such a higher weight, that while they were able to lose a significant amount of weight, they aren’t thin. Or they can’t become thin because of circumstances, another has NO idea of what someone is up against. Such as medical health issues, mental health issues (i.e. certain psych meds, and I’ll be writing another blog specific to that, soon) or other health issues, that people out of ignorance or ego, choose not to understand.

Some people WILL be successful in their weight loss endeavors, even if they don’t follow the normal rules of weight loss. Whether they are bariatric surgical peeps or not. Some people whether they want to lose weight or not, have barriers from them being ever to have a prayer of getting to their goals.

Don’t EVER judge something you can’t understand. For one, this happens all the time, especially by weight loss surgery peers to another weight loss surgery peer. You wouldn’t believe how ridiculous, as well as MEAN, some newbie post ops are to another post op. Truthfully, as kind and empathetic as I try to be to most people. I truthfully laugh at newbie post ops (and in my case, being over 13 years post gastric bypass) a newbie to me is any wls peep under 6 years post op of just how egocentric and all knowing they can come off. In the wls community it’s anyone usually under 3 years.

I’m not sorry for saying that NO ONE is ever an expert on someone else’s life journey. Weight related or not. AND we know how crappy we get treated by non wls peeps for having wls. For those who treat another person crappy when struggling especially if they are are only a few years post op, look absolutely ridiculous. To both non wls people AND wls grads who find their self righteousness both kind of frightening and entertaining (not talking in absolutes, you can’t, that’s one of the points of this blog). For most of us who do try to help others with wls matters, in a positive manner, also know, and this only comes with time, that even the most positive wls journies, people have their struggles and it’s cyclical. Same in my case where it’s been mostly negative, but I can find some positive things about my wls experiences.

I WILL defend though, for people to talk about whatever they want, however they want to, in their own social media spaces. I’m talking more about those who are mean spirited, if not vile, in what should be other wls peers’s safe spaces on social media.

There’s a reason most people, even in my case, where I was reversed at almost 9 years post op, even if I WASN’T reversed, that grads continue to disappear from the wls communities, online. Most of the time it because of complications and/or regain, which a lot of people are so harshly judged by other wls peers, people end up with a lack of support. And people find me for that reason. And that’s one of many reasons why I live such an open and public life. For multiple reasons, this being though, at the top of the list, as it applies to the wls community.

What’s more repugnant to me, is those who shame others to promote a bariatric based business. Whether it’s a bariatric  blog, product or service. ESPECIALLY by those who’ve had regain and maybe lost it or they never had regain issues but they lack empathy and they are further out. They should know better but they don’t. They feed on drama and hating on others.

There is NO need for anyone to be that way in the wls community, even though a few people will find those sort of people, inspiring. They really aren’t. Usually they are the type that they never help people, unless they are getting paid for it or unless they are getting a lot of attention.

The people I choose to support in the weight loss surgery community are people who are honest about their weight loss surgery and choose to support their other peers, positively. It doesn’t mean they sugarcoat things. They just concentrate on positive support that helps, even if they are blunt about it. They talk and act of what has worked for them, they don’t have to point fingers at others who are struggling. They may have bariatric based businesses but they also pay it forward, somehow, for free.

I posted a picture in a few of the Facebook wls communities, a couple of weeks ago… What I was told both in groups and privately is very telling. While I said in another blog that I technically wouldn’t post another “before and after picture”. I did so privately. And what I was told was both amazing and also frightening. Depending on the source.

Here’s the picture….
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(very left pic taken 9/2001, 3 months before rny gastric bypass on 12/2001, pic 2nd to the left, July of 2005. While I kept off my weight for 6 years, the last 3 1/2 years being the thinnest and fittest I’ve ever been. Pic 2nd to the right, pic taken 10/2009, after almost 2 years on the psychotropic cocktail from HELL, pic on the very right taken 3/2015. I’m a size 14/16 on average. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. Hence the comment above, “inbetweenie” )

Here’s some of the positive comments I got….
“Wow you look GREAT, Lisa”
” Look great, hope you had fun”
“Look great, hope you are feeling better, cute outfit”….

Here’s some of the baffling, stupid and mean comments that I got on pic from fellow wls peeps ….
“Well you’re not technically an “inbetweenie”. Because that would require you keeping at least 1/2 your excess weight off or being 1/2 your size”
“WOW!!! You bounce a lot, weight wise!!!!”
“WOW!!! That shirt has to be plus sized or you still have to. As you’re HUGE” (and the person who said this was an insensitive idiot, ok, that I digress. But I kid you NOT, they were STUPID enough to say that, as I mentioned I stretched the xl shirt out, when buying it before I lost a lot of my regain, in early 2010)

Seriously though. WTF??? All the comments that were negative, well were negative. Some people do find me scary or my circumstances that I get. Getting technical of why they find me scary,isn’t necessary. I’m not looking to be an inspiration for weight loss. I am however looking to be considered at least a little inspirational for someone who had major life changes that were nothing less than HORRIBLE and who had to start all over again, from having nothing to trying to make the best out of what life has thrown me. And for those who get that about me, great.

The point I’m trying to get across is that what you will need in support will vary, as far as a weight loss endeavor. I do personally think that if one is a source or needs a source that shames in any way, you may have a weight loss/ wls success as far as measurable weight loss, however you’ll be miserable or one will make OTHERS miserable, by being negative, to others, about it. Also realize that people have the right to own their own weight loss experiences. If someone had a great outcome for example from weight loss surgery, they have a right to be happy and share that happiness with others who are like minded. At the same time, if someone had a crappy experience after weight loss surgery, they have a right to share that, too.

I try to have empathy or apathy for almost everyone. As it’s unrealistic that we’ll in ANY online community, will get along. But I’m pretty vocal against the haters and shamers. And while people will be sometimes vicious in their criticism in me, it won’t break me. If I could physically and mentally survive what I’ve had to, those who only get attention by shaming and hating on me, usually do so, also to others, don’t have a prayer of saying anything that will change how I live my life. I will though say something though, in defense for those who they actually do HARM, to, as not everyone has a voice.

Hopefully this helps those who need it, if they are struggling with any weight loss surgery issue of how to find the best support for them. Feel free to either ask for my opinions on the best weight loss surgery peeps to follow or if you need support of some kind due to complications and/or regain. You can either post questions (as I try to keep my blog a safe place for those who are struggling with almost anything but at the same time, I’m wls positive as far as those who had optimal outcomes) or you can find me privately.

Hopefully this starts a dialogue within the weight loss/weight loss surgery community. I am not against posting comments that are different to what I believe, as long as they are shared respectfully.

Just remember your weight loss or your weight loss surgery “journies” are UNIQUELY your own. No one has the right to judge or put parameters on what’s considered a success or a failure. My own opinion is that no one is ever a failure for trying. But I also have to say, for some, you have to respect that any weight loss endeavor is NOT going to positively mentally or physically impact their lives. Just the opposite. That’s why I do the kind of activism I do. Because I think any body bullying and those who body bully, SUCK.

Note: To my haters. It would be self destructive to keep writing wls blogs if people didn’t read em. And not a constructive use of all the time, some of you viciously point out, that I have. So keep that in mind before you send me ANY hate, privately or on social media. OK???

Is this encouraging or is this insulting???


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I’ll give you my NOT so humble opinion. Then I’d like to hear your opinion.

I understand that “memes” like this picture above, are supposed to be “inspirational”….. As well as kind, supportive and empathetic.

I find them to be INFURIATING and let me explain, WHY. And this is making it in my blog, as I’ve seen it now posted several times in different pages and from different peeps on social media.

For one, people are assuming any person in a larger body is new or struggling with exercise. And needs some random stranger giving them words of advice or encouragement.

I’ve had this happen to me. On more than one occasion. I remember right after my gastric bypass reversal when walking briskly  around the hospital campus (I can’t stay in bed, when inpatient in a hospital, my other blogs explains prejudice that I’ve experienced by a lot of physicians,  probably give insight why, being in a acute care facility, causes me great anxiety). I had a lady who had to jog to catch up to me, to tell me I should be proud of doing something about my weight. I just gave her a dirty look, given the fact I had a NG tube coming out of my nose, 3 IVs and an IV pole with me.

I had that happen a couple of months later when walking briskly around Mall of America. I had another thin lady say the same thing, after having to jog to catch up with me. I just told her that I was trying to increase my appetite for a donut eating competition (not something easily done, even if one’s gastric bypass has been reversed and I was lying for shock value) and briskly walked away.

I’ve also talked about in the last year, in past blogs, about  bullying I’ve had to put up when exercising. While I’m not capable of  exercise at an athletic level, like I used to be, I walk briskly and as intensely as I’m able to, though. Even sprinting at times. On occasion, while smoking a cigarette. I’m not proud of my smoking habit, when I say I’m on average of a 2-3 pack day habit, in the last 2 years, since I’ve moved to Downtown Minneapolis. I will say in defense for all the fat hate, I’ve been subjected, lifelong, that I picked up smoking at the age of 15, in hopes to lose weight.

I’m also NOT saying that my weight loss peeps can’t be proud of finding fitness as a result of their weight loss. Or they can be happy to have found fitness as a means of losing weight. There’s apps and social media to get and give encouragement, though.

Absolutely, NO need for anyone, to bother a complete stranger in the middle of their workout.

SO what I am saying though is my health and quite a few others, who don’t want to discuss it, especially ad nauseum, have that right. ESPECIALLY,  if I’m ACTUALLY in the middle of working out.

As well my health or fitness level, well, it’s NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, nor is it something for you to judge. Nor can you tell that about anyone. Unless they are showing signs of serious physical distress. And that can happen during exercise whether someone is thin or fat.

Unless, I fall down while walking or fall off a balance ball and smack my head, please leave me the FUCK alone, when I’m working out, and I’m sure there’s many who agree with me. Regardless of their weight. I’m also not going to engage in any type of “health” debates, here. Let’s just keep this at the topic on hand, which is the meme posted above, in this blog.

The point of this blog is whether or not, total strangers should be coming up to people who are larger than they think they should be and give words of advice or encouragement, regarding exercise or a person’s misguided perception that intentional exercise is being done for the sole purpose of losing weight?

The reason why I’m telling you this, is when people do this to me, they are RUDELY interrupting my workout. In an ideal world, my larger working out self in public, wants to be LEFT ALONE. Given the fact that I went to a great school to be a Certified Personal Trainer in 2005, while I could NEVER work in that capacity,now, I know what I’m doing, whether I’m using equipment or trying to get a cardio benefit when sprinting while smoking (which I wouldn’t advise, if I was working in a professional capacity, but I haven’t keeled over yet, I barely get winded, it’s just hard for me to exercise, only because of my severe chronic pain issues). But I still do it, regularly, when I can.

IF you wouldn’t give someone who’s thin who’s working out, advice or encouragement, why would you do this to someone who’s larger, who’s not asking for advice?

Just saying in this case, again, APATHY and minding your own business, can work wonders. And if you workout at anything resembling an intense level, where you know what “THR” and “RPE” means, and you use that to gauge the effectiveness of your workout, if you wouldn’t want to be disturbed during a workout, why is it ok to do this, to someone else?

It’s NOT ok, in my not so humble opinion, to do this, to anyone during their workout. Now I want to hear your opinions……

Again, same rules apply. You are more than welcome to respectfully disagree with me. Just know that any comment that could potentially trigger a fellow reader will be not be approved.

Note from a former Certified Personal Trainer: This blog is not encouraging or discouraging exercise. And it’s not meant to be taken as a blind endorsement of exercise. Please make sure, regardless of your weight, that you are cleared for exercise by a physician. The kind that treats people in person, not like one of those “Dr. Oz” types 😉

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