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Another HORRIBLE point that I wish I didn’t have to make, when talking about reducing MURDER/S and gun control….

Important Note: PLEASE, if you or anyone you know, is in any danger of causing harm or fatality, to themselves or others, please seek emergency acute intervention with clinical professionals and law enforcement, right away….

Sigh…

I’m honestly NOT trying to be a jerk, when it comes to the topic of gun control and reducing the murder rate.

It happened to be after this week in feeling heartbroken about the Las Vegas massacre and the many other tragic things going on in the world, I’ve been trying to avoid the news, this weekend.

Unfortunately and horrifically, I just happened to catch a local news story today, where a man in Minneapolis, tried on Friday night to set an apartment building on fire, with the intention of everyone in the building, to be murdered that way.

His exact words were to a witness of him pouring accelerant in the hallways was “I’m about to set this building on fire, y’all better get out because everyone is going to die”.

One innocent person did actually die, in his attempt to jump out of the building, to escape.

And many people were successfully rescued, due to efforts by our amazing Minneapolis Fire Department and Minneapolis Police Department (which I’ve written other blogs in hopes of trying to honor and thank our MPD, MFD, other first responders and Minneapolis 911 operators, not saying that self serving but out of gratitude for what they do for us, locally) where multiple units were involved.

Even though those residents sadly lost most of their belongings and currently their housing, which the Red Cross is helping with the victims. I haven’t been able to find out what happened to the person who tragically died and/or his survivors, at the time of writing and publishing this blog.

Right before starting this blog, I was able to check the record of the murderous arsonist.

He had 2 traffic incidences, in the last 2 1/2 years.

But the bigger deal, that goes along with the point I’m trying to make, is that he also had a felony in 2014 , from a drug related charge that prohibited him from being able to possess a firearm, whether or not he tried to buy one, illegally, no one knows.

This fire happened to occur only 7 blocks from where I live.

It also happens to be, that Mother’s Day weekend in 2015, I had a neighbor in my building, who I didn’t know, pack her stuff, moved it out of her apartment and then set her apartment on fire.

In that case, no one was injured. While extensive damage was done to her unit and the units next to it, it didn’t render my building uninhabitable like it did to the apartment building that was affected this weekend.

I had a heartbreaking conversation, a day or two after, with one of my neighbors who did lose most of his stuff in that fire. He had lost a child, in a previous residence, in addition to most of his belongings, due to a different fire, so he was able to have a much better attitude than most of us who were not affected, given losing a child.

A few days ago, a woman set her 4 year old on fire, killing him in Wisconsin.

This could go on. But it can’t go on. We have to have the dialogue and more resources for prevention of these tragedies.

While all these tragedies involve people who are seriously mentally ill (but please read my last blog by lumping the majority of the mentally ill, with murderers), there is a separation, in addition to the amount of life that’s been lost, that goes beyond MOTIVE.

The difference between the man who set the apartment building on fire and the man who committed the massacre in Las Vegas, the difference was/is MONEY.

This cannot continue to be the norm. We can’t become numb and indifferent, just because we are bombarded by countless tragedies like these, everyday.

Again, I’m not saying let’s not make this about gun control, as it is a major issue and I believe in much stricter gun control. I’ve in my almost 48 years have never touched a gun and I would never own one, because I already know that  I’m NOT even capable of shooting someone in self defense (although I admit, I think I’d be capable if I had to, to shoot someone else, in protection of someone I love, if that was an issue, but it’s not).

My NOT owning a gun, has nothing to do with the fact I have diagnosed mental health issues that’s on record. Because I don’t have a desire to own a firearm, I haven’t even tried to see if I’m eligible for one.

The man who committed the Las Vegas massacre, didn’t have record of mental health issues, though and neither did the man who set that apartment building on fire on Friday, near where I live (at least in Minnesota, where I checked his civil and criminal record).

PLEASE, if we don’t have the dialogue we need to have, as well as comprehensive initiatives to try to find out if these can be prevented, because as I’ve said before, innocent people not just in America, but globally are horrifically murdered, be it one person or almost 5 dozen, by multiple means, not just including guns, we don’t have a chance in reducing these horrible tragedies, that keep going on, over and over again.

Don’t wait until it effects someone you love and care about, we all have to do our part, make our concerned voices heard, in trying to at least do something for prevention.

Please don’t wait until it actually hits home, to say or take action for prevention of all these senseless murders.

Note: Any constructive difference of opinion, I welcome. Any potentially mean or hateful comments will NOT published. Thanks…

Additional note: Edits that I thought took place, prior to publishing blog, didn’t, that did effect very little but important context, that I was trying to make.

I apologize for that.

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A gentle but not subtle reminder, in regards of massacres with guns and the mentally ill…

I’m not looking for pity, with what I’m about to say.

I like most people, who was horrified, in regards to the tragic massacre in Las Vegas and felt compelled to act in someway, however small.

After my last blog, I decided to decompress, by watching You Tube.

And I’m honestly not trying to say anything mean, towards Jimmy Kimmel, who I adore for many reasons.

I don’t believe like most people, that any citizen should have ANY access to an automatic weapon. I agreed with almost everything Jimmy Kimmel said in his 10-2-2017 monologue, that I just finished watching, but he was not as careful as he should have been, in trying to make a point about gun control laws and the mentally ill.

And I’m not calling him specifically out, given again, I don’t believe he meant to hurt anyone, only to help. And he’s not the only one. But he is the only one I’ve paid more attention to, than others.

The only reason why I feel compelled, in hopes of trying to bring attention and awareness for mass murders/and/or suicides, over and over again, because of the sanctity and highest regard of human life, that I have.

The only true lack of disregard for anyone’s life, that I have EVER had, is my own.

I wear a hairshirt, for free, on the internet, because my mental health issues, while only potentially fatal to me, did have consequences on the ones I love the most. Which I’ve repeated over and over again, in hopes to help other people.

Not to mention of what I’ve tried to do, with my loved ones who were effected, of them knowing that I never meant to cause them sadness and I never meant to be negligable in any way, to my children who I love the most.

But, PLEASE, I am begging of people, do NOT taint people who have mental illness with someone who had no record but spent the last minutes of his life as a mentally deranged domestic terrorist, killing 59 innocent people and wounding over 500 innocent people.

Most mentally ill people are likely to be a target of a violent crime, than to perpetuate one.

It becomes dangerous, to innocent people, when people don’t choose their words as carefully as they should. I can understand and not be angry when hosts like Jimmy Kimmel make impassioned pleas, in hopes to save people’s lives.

I’m trying as a disabled activist that, too. Save lives, that is. And I have, which I hate to keep repeating, as it’s not meant to be self-serving.

But when people have a large audience and a lot of influence, if they aren’t super careful in how they choose their words, it can cause irrerprable damage to an innocent majority of people, who would never cause harm in another.

Even though it’s not meant, intentionally.

I’ve said it before, and I’ve said it VERY CAREFULLY. Anyone who is capable of causing violent if not fatal harm, to one person, let alone commit a massacre, IS mentally ill.

But it can’t be said enough, I guess, that it must be differentiated that MANY people who live and/or suffer from mental illness, do NOT pose a safety threat to anyone and even accidently promoting that kind of stigma, could cause terrible harm if not be fatal, to someone, just because they have diagnosed mental illness, that doesn’t pose a safety threat to anyone.

Both actions and words, are of the utmost importance when trying to combat violent crime. Please choose with great care, both actions and words.

They both matter, more than hopefully, you’ll ever have to know, if this has not effected someone.

Thank you.

I WON’T BACK DOWN…

And NEITHER should YOU.

It’s easy for the disabled blogger to say, who has more time on their hands, than most people, that while the last 24 hours have been horrific, with the Las Vegas Massacre and now, Tom Petty’s passing, to honor those we love and lose, to find something to believe in and advocate for it.

As well as learn from it.

IF you believe in stricter gun control (if you’ve read previous blogs of mine, it’s NOT that I don’t believe in it, I most definitely do. I just don’t think it’s enough) in murder/and/or suicide prevention,  advocate for that.

IF you believe that we need more medical advocacy and education about cardiac arrest, heart attack and heart disease, learn what’s needed, when there could be warning signs (and sometimes, there isn’t 😦  , to feel less helpless.

Learn and get certified in emergency first aid, if you can. But it’s not you’re fault if someone dies and you didn’t know it.

If you’re like me and have let your certification lapse, you can still learn how to respond in an emergency, as the American Heart Association has videos on CPR and AED, for adult, child and infant emergency response, if you don’t have the money or the time to attend certification classes.

There are samaritan laws that will protect you, for trying in good faith, to save a life. If that’s a fear, in not learning emergency responses.

In my case, where I forgot due to disabilities, on the difference between cardiac arrest and heart attack, educate yourself first, with that, so you can try and respond with the appropriate emergency rescue technique.

The same with other type of first responder emergencies, such as how to help stop bleeding from a gunshot or a stabbing can also be found on You Tube.

As well as choking and many forms of first aid.

As well as there’s many forms of medical/mental health issues that one can be passionate about to bring about awareness, that might save a life.

But realize, it can’t always save a life/lives and sadly it’s no one’s fault.

While in the midst of horrific tragedy, with the Las Vegas Massacre we saw amazing bravery and heroic behavior.

But know that it doesn’t make anyone less of a human being, if they have multiple reasons for not wanting to give  up their life to save another.

It can just help learning proper techniques to save a life, to feel less helpless, in a world that can feel so unsafe and unsettling, at times.

Donate if you have the resources to the less fortunate, in whatever causes you believe in.

But don’t feel bad if you don’t have anything to give and are just trying to get by, whether it be medically, financially and mentally or combination there of.

Ask for help when you need it. But because of above reasons, realize some people may not have it in them, for multiple reasons to give.

Keep trying though. And tell your story,  it could possibly help someone and it’s not at your expense emotionally, financially and/or mentally.

When/If you’re ready to. But it’s okay, if you’re not.

While I started this blog with what I thought was the most unrelatable life story, EVER, I did find people that it help, in my hopes, that it would remove stigma and people would get the help they need.

And it has helped others enormously, as it helped save lives, as well as prove to me, that even though we can be put in awful situations (I’m in NO way comparing myself to anyone who died or lived through yesterday’s horrific tragedy and their loved ones) and greater good can come out of it.

Finding things to believe in and trying to help others, if you can, doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t fall down, yourself.

No one, is superhuman strong all the time.

If there is ANY positive to the last 24 hours, in addition to the heroic and bravery we saw with the victims of the massacre and with Tom Petty’s passing, that they all did what they loved, were amazing human beings and lived life to the fullest, the best they could, until their untimely passing.

Tell people you love and care about them, everyday. You never know when that opportunity will be taken away.

But life can’t be lived in constant fear. We had some have the best people teach us that, today, if not for the last month and years.

So most of us will all fall down, sometime in our lives. You can still live the best life that you’re capable of, by standing up for what you believe in. And what those who you love and care about, believe in.

And not ever backing down, in what is a good fight. And fight but live with light, when you can, not just for yourself, but those you love.

That’s how love triumphs over evil. That’s how love prevails in loss of loved ones, that can’t be prevented.

Every. Single. Time.

In everyone of us that is lit from within. Which all good people, even those who are quite flawed, like me, find positive purpose helps make it to the next day with resiliance. Even when there’s grief and sadness that we as humans, experience.

So don’t ever back down, in what you believe in. Stand your ground. And remember there’s ALWAYS something to believe in, that’s positive, that will get you to the next day, even in our darkest days.

Peace…

Note: Unfortunately with my disability sets, while I can find videos on how to perform live saving techniques, from AHA or and other reputable certified organizations,  I can’t link them, as I’m left to a tablet and can’t copy and paste links, since my laptop battery died.

IF anyone wants to do that in the comment section of this blog, I’d really appreciate it.

I’d also appreciate it, if this blog is not relatable and one doesn’t have constructive advice on how to improve it, to please keep it to yourself.

Thanks!!!

Now, I’m going to find solace, like I have been for decades in Tom Petty’s music, either as a solo artist, with the Heartbreakers and The Traveling Wilburys.

(edit note: I wish this didn’t have to be said. However I was horrified when I went on Twitter to manually link this blog. There’s a fine line in fighting a good fight in what one believes in and becoming a hater and/or bully in the process. Kinda like that ole adage goes, but “lisafied”.

Fighting and hating for peace or a more peaceful resolution, makes about as much sense as “screwing for viginity”)

 

#lasvegasmassacre #lasvegas

As a not very highly read mental health activist and blogger, I’m wracking my non clinically trained feeble minded brain on what is exactly the right thing to say or do, after this horrific tragedy.

I didn’t put my normal disclaimer of “you or anyone you know is in medical or mental health crisis and is capable of hurting themselves or others, please seek immediate professional help and/or contact law enforcement, immediately”, because it wouldn’t have helped.

The man who committed this massacre and then shot himself, had apparently NO history of violence and worked alone, at the time I’m writing/publishing this blog.

I lean on the liberal side of a lot of things, politically. The only recurring topic that I feel compelled to say over and over again, when blogging about murder/suicides that involve a firearms, is that the discussion just can’t be about gun control.

People have been mass murdered others by bombs, cars, poison and planes.

The man where his motives haven’t been established, had a pilot’s license. It’s not worth debating whether his pilot’s license was valid, because if someone is capable of shooting off automatic weapons to kill as many people as possible, could be capable of hijacking a plane and flying it into a populated building.

PLEASE, if we’re going to have a discussion on prevention of these horrific tragedies, it can’t just include gun control.

All aspects of murders/suicides HAS to be a part of the national and global discussion.

And how we can help the victims who survive and the survivors of the murdered.

Not just weapon/s of choice.

I happen to have been in Las Vegas exactly 2 years ago, while I’m trying to wrap my head on how someone could do this, let alone, get that type of weapontry into a major hotel and casino, I’m just going to say that I’m heartbroken and my thoughts are with the family and friends and anyone who was effected by this horrible tragedy.

I just think the best way going forward, is to have major initiatives for prevention, intervention and rehabilitation, for people who are capable of these heinous acts. And that once (and/or IF) a motive is found, it’s only discussed, so this doesn’t keep happening for different reasons, over and over and OVER again, with the murderers getting all the attention, especially if they’re either caught or dead.

Peace

Reflecting on Princess Diana-20 years after her death….

Do you remember where you were or what you were doing when you found out about Princess’s Diana’s horrific car accident that resulted in her death?

In August of 1997, almost 15 months after I shared a flight with her from Chicago O’Hare to London Heathrow, I was in an AOL “Mommy” chatroom, my son was probably at the time, watching a Power Rangers video, next to me, when someone said that she had been in a car accident.

After Zachary went to bed, I remember staying up all night watching the news, the horrific announcement of her death and the world’s reaction to it.

I wasn’t a huge royal fan. But I did watch her wedding.

I remember seeing the intense press scrutiny and all the security that occurred at O’Hare when our British Airways flight took off.

I never would’ve dreamed in the twenty years that has followed after her passing, that 10 years after that magical flight, that I’d be a happy (but getting really sick) mother of 2 beautiful kids, in the process of starting their own business. That 10 years after we’d have even more ways to follow everyone in the world.

I never could’ve dreamed or in my worst nightmares, think that 20 years after her passing, I  could write about how I felt on that flight and her death and share it, instantaneously, globally, but not do much else.

Not many people though can say they made eye contact and got a true smile, from Princess Diana, especially someone in my circumstances  (As I was a single mother of 1, with not a lot of money). I’m at least grateful for that.

And that I remember all of it.

But in addition to everything that can be both wonderful and horrifying about life in this age, I can’t imagine the intense scrutiny that could’ve possibly killed her, should she have surived that horrific car accident, both that and the tragic circumstances that did kill her 20 years ago, is what I find horribly saddening.

That’s how I feel and felt the need, even with all the bad things going on lately, to start a dialogue by writing this, of seeing how you all felt and providing a safe space to do so, either here on Word Press or on my Facebook account.

For those who are sad about this or being extraordinarily tested, in other ways, you’re in my thoughts.

A heartfelt THANK YOU to Minneapolis Police, Minneapolis Firefighters and HCMC first responders from the wordy disabled poor blogger who lives in Downtown Minneapolis…..

Trigger Warnings: This blog is being written to highlight what Minneapolis first responders are up against and my gratitude for that.

I’m not writing this to antagonize families such as of those of Justine Damond or Philando Castile. Their stories have been told, will and should continue to be told  and have made global headlines.

What hasn’t made headlines, is the dangers that our Minneapolis Police, Fire and HCMC paramedics face everyday and their stories aren’t told.

I don’t for second,  believe that there isn’t a need for BLM and other advocacy groups but they have voices that best represent them, that it’s not necessary that I advocate for them, too.

The expectations of what put on our first responders, everday not just locally but NATIONALLY, is NOT being acknowledged and that’s the reason for this blog.

I’m concentrating ONLY  on Minneapolis first responders because I live in Downtown Minneapolis.

Thanks….

So my boyfriend and I went to Davanni’s in Downtown Minneapolis, on Saturday, it’s a local chain of pizza/italian restaurants and I see a member of , actually he was a ranked member of the MFD and I thank him for his service and he humbly says it’s not necessary, which when I tell him where I live, while he remains gracious, but he understands better.

It happens to be and I’ve mentioned it before, in previous blogs, I live 2 blocks away from Hennepin County Medical Center, a level 1 trauma center and county hospital.

It also happens to be, and I don’t mean any ill will for the non profit that owns my housing, that where I live, happens to be a “mixed bag” of sorts, when it comes to people who reside in my building.

While about over 1/2 the people who live where I do, are like me, grateful for their housing, good neighbors and are law abiding citizens whether they work or disabled, like I am, there are a lot of people who engage in really scary behaviors of illegal drug dealing and usage and other criminal acts both on the property and near it.

There’s both a lot of wealth and poverty on this particular block of mine. And while I’m 99.5 % positive, that there’s criminal type of activity in the wealthy properties, it’s just way more blatant, on my side of the block.

While the non profit I reside in, does it’s best to ensure our safety, such as  one can’t have a felony and live here, and they do comprehensive backround checks, that doesn’t mean that some residents and their friends who come on to the property don’t engage in illegal felonious behavior that makes quite a few of us feel extremely unsafe.

Even though the non profit goes out of their way for that to not happen, such as cameras in the building and security patrols at night and on weekends, which is truthfully NOT much of a deterrent for that kind of behavior.

Since I moved to Downtown Minneapolis, there is NOT an instance where I’m not bothered by being asked for cigarettes, drugs, sex and money or dealers wondering if I’m looking to buy, everytime I leave my house.

So it’s not that we just have the criminal aspect, but the STUPID criminal aspect, to be honest. But it’s the stupid criminal aspect that has the propensity to be violent, that makes this so scary.

Usually when I get asked that, I just say sorry, don’t have any money and am super broke. If I get asked for sex by a male, I tell them I have a jealous girfriend who just got out of prison. If it’s a female, I tell them I have a jealous boyfriend who got out of prison. If I’m asked for drugs, I tell them I’m on probation and jokingly say that I’m  not willing to go back to jail again, so sorry I don’t have any illegal drugs, such as Heroin, Meth and Marijuana, to name of few, but wish them well on their search.

Now, NONE of what I said, above is actually true.  The reason why I operate that way, is because,  the LAST thing that you want to do, is operate on the defensive, to someone who has barriers are being inappropriate, and are showing that they are operating with irration, that’s criminal in nature, or could potentially lead to a crime,  that could be a REAL and MAJOR  safety threat to oneself and their loved ones.

But in no way am I labeling people just because their poor, have mental illness issues or homeless, as lot of people like that are not only vulnerable to crime, but would NEVER be a threat to another human being and that’s the last type of prejudice that I’d want to project,  due to the stigmitaztion already, that exists with those populations, which I fall into 2 of them, right now and am an activist for all 3 of them, in addition to the other activism I do.

So when I’m harrassed though, I’m courteous, apologetic and concise to them, then I move on. After this happening for several years now, I don’t leave my house without looking REALLY MAD about something, to try and deter this kind of behavior, so I get less bothered.

And truthfully I do feel bad if it’s possible that I might scare someone, being someone who’s scared but now could be considered a threat, just cause I’m a chick who looks mad enough to want to kill someone, but would never would hurt someone.

The ONLY time that I try to scare people, somewhat  on purpose, is when I’m walking around in Downtown Minneapolis, people have young children running around, who they aren’t paying attention to, and I looking like a crazy smoking chubby disabled chick, will kinda move closer to the kid (like within 5 feet, not super close),  in hopes that the parent will look up from their cell phones before their kid runs into incoming traffic, otherwise I’m paying enough attention, that should that child be at risk for that, I’d throw the cigarette down and grab them, before they get ran over, but luckily I’ve never had to do that.

Usually when a parent sees me, they grab their kid, which is the outcome that I want. If they don’t like me, it ain’t my problem. I’d rather do that, then have on my head, that an innocent kid gets ran over because they have a parent who can’t look away from their smartphones and that I didn’t do anything.

As I have enough bad things that I’ve blogged about, to feel bad about myself for, which are justified. Doing what I do, stated above, isn’t one of them.

I will write a separate blog on public safety, another time. Because I’m digressing, but it’s worth the digression, to put on here, what NOT to do when one is harassed by someone with barriers but have inappropriate behaviors that could be a safety threat to someone.

BUT this is the point I’m trying to make. As this blog isn’t about ME. It’s about what I see that our first responders, being police, fire and HCMC paramedics, I’m overly observant in what I see they are up against, everytime I leave my home, which is necessary to try and not become a victim of some sort. Whether it’s someone who has violent tendancies or someone who is behind the wheel and is texting and driving.

And again, I’m not trying to disrespect or degrade the residents or the city of Minneapolis, that’s not my intent, either.

There is no profession, other than being a peace officer, where we expect them to not make a mistake in judgement, even though we expect them to risk their lives EVERY SINGLE DAY, to protect ours.

And the STIGMATIZATION of all law enforcement now, especially in Minneapolis, I find nothing short of horrifying.

Even doctors, have much more leeway, when their actions, lead to a death, in not being demonized than our police officers, have risk for. I’m not trying to be anti -physician, with that statement, just saying there’s an expectation of a ZERO error rate in law enforcement, when in our  society really don’t have that expectation on ANY OTHER profession, other than medicine, and  physicians aren’t up against the safety issues that police officers are up against.

Well, sort of. As in the case of physicians and staff , at our local major medical centers like Hennepin County Medical Center, Fairview Medical Center and Abbott Northwestern have both security and police presence to protect patients providers, staff and visitors.

Which sadly, is definitely needed.

12 days ago, there was a gas explosion at Minnehaha Academy, that sadly left 2 fatalities. That also made national headlines.

What didn’t make headlines, of course, is our first responders who are the first to show up when tragedies like this happen and they show up EVERYDAY, in life and death situations, here on our city.

It happens to be, that since I’ve moved to Downtown Minneapolis, 4 1/2 years ago, I thank a police officer or a member of the fire department, as well as HCMC paramedics, everytime that I see one.

I also thank other officers such as when I’m in St. Paul, especially Downtown and the Midway area.

If those officers, fire department and paramedics think I’m odd, being a chubby smoking (if the encounter is outdoors) old and odd chick with unruly red hair, who is thanking them, they don’t let on.

They are always beyond gracious that someone is taking their time to show gratitude.

I’ve seen others thank first responders, too, even when out and about, so I’m not the only one.

BUT,   what I haven’t seen is anyone, other than law enforcement initiatives, like pro-leo initiatives on social media, that where members of the public, in Minneapolis is taking the time to show gratitude and acknowledge the enormous responsibility that we’ve put on our police, fire and  first responders and their profession now is constantly scrutinized, stigmatized and condemned (again, not necessary to bring up what I said in my trigger warning), but we have the expectation that they’ll put their lives on the line, to save ours.

And not only that, if they aren’t at risk for DYING for what they do, they are unduly burdened now, everytime they respond to a call, of potentially having civil and  criminal ramifcations.

So this wordy blog is to hopefully make it safer as well as show ENORMOUS GRATITUDE  for those of us who do feel safer because of the MPD. And MFD and HCMC paramedics. All of them who we rely on, day in and day out to protect our lives, at risk of theirs.

So I will NEVER have enough words to THANK our Minneapolis first responders, but I’ve tried my best to do that, with this blog.

The only complaint that I have, is that I wish Downtown Minneapolis, especially Downtown East (I’m not calling it, East Town, I think that’s silly) Downtown West and the Cetntral Business District, as well as the North Loop, had MORE police presence, NOT less.

I just probably  should’ve said that I wish ALL of Downtown Minneapolis, had more of a police presence, all the time.

But, I’m not apologizing for feeling safer when I see police officers around, given my circumstances, which is why this blog was so long.

I couldn’t whole heartedly thank them, the impact wouldn’t be the same, without mentioning personally what I am up against as a private citizen, as well as what I see what they’re up against, in threat to their own safety and the stigma now put upon them.

EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. DAY.

Note: Above reference to inital trigger warning. No need to reference any type of police misconduct. There are many places on and off the interent to do that.

This blog is being created by myself and for others who feel the same way that I do, about gratitude for our local first responders, for them to have a safe space to have their feelings acknowledged, that are outside of social media.

Where we  don’t have to face threats or untrue hurtful opinions, that we are pro-police brutality or racist, which I’m not and I know many who feel the same way, aren’t. But we don’t have a safe space on the internet, as a citizens, to express their gratitude to our Minneapolis Police, Fire and HCMC First Responders (and Minneapolis 911 operators, which I should’ve mentioned earlier).

Responses that are inappropriate for this blog, will NOT published. My response I’ll give you now, before you try. IF you think you can do a better job than a MPD officer, feel free to go to school and then, become a police officer.

Also comments that mock my writing skills as a really wordy disabled blogger will NOT published.

I’d rather try to show my gratitude for something that’s I’m so grateful for and vital to not just my safety, then to just keeping thanking police officers, fire department, 911 operators  and HCMC first responders with anonymity,  which is what I’ve done so far, but in my opinion hasn’t been enough,  and feel strongly enough to attach my identity to it.

And hopefully by saying something that shouldn’t be controversial, people can also show their gratitude for law enforcement officers, everywhere and they probably will do a better and more effective job, then I did.

But I had to try………

Additional note: I’m ALSO so grateful to Minneapolis 911 operators, who work so hard, are kind and calm, also and in such an extraordinarily charged and stressful circumstances and I should’ve thanked them better , in the above  body of the blog.

With the my disability sets, I can’t edit without adding words that would make this even more wordy and potentially comatose inducing.

I apologize for not originally giving them, their due, as well….

“It’s NOT fair/Bad Example”……

lisa1010smoking

You wanna bad example??? Or examples of things NOT being fair…

I’m not writing this blog for my subscribers, it’s to respond to comments regarding my weight, where for a refreshing change, as it applies to some in the bariatric surgical community.

Versus the “fat people” hate, I’ve been getting lately…..

Here are your trigger warnings: I talk about intentional weight loss, so if that it’s a trigger or profanity, please don’t read.

HOWEVER, if you’re like some weight loss surgery peeps who like most people can’t figure out how someone almost 16 years post gastric bypass keeps off some weight (a little over half, at this point) and are confused what my 2nd bariatric surgery was, I’ll make it crystal clear and through in some proof, and I’ll hopefully I’ll NEVER have to blog about this again.

So, I’m minding my own business, today (like I do EVERYDAY) . I’ve been homebound last couple of days due to not feeling well, when I get an email regarding my gastric bypass “reversal”.

Well it was an email reaming me out by someone who had bariatric surgery around the same time that I had my reversal and was calling out me out on the fact that I have kept off some weight (at this point over 1/2 excess and regain, which by bariatric surgeons’s standards makes my gastric bypass, a SUCCESS, as the usual universal standard for bariatric surgical success, is keeping 1/2 excess weight post operatively…Heh)  and they had gained all their weight back by their 4th year post operative gastric bypass  and was looking to have a revision, even though they said they had been fairly compliant.

And had found me both on ObesityHelp.com and my Facebook page and had an issue that I could exercise and eat what I want, but that I was playing with fire, eating carte blanche and ruining my surgeon’s efforts to not only help me once, with weight but TWICE. As they didn’t believe I was reversed, but revised.

I am not saying the above with any judgement, as far as weight gain, post operatively. I know from being in the weight loss surgery communities now, for almost 16 years there is so many factors, that play into weight regain.

As well as my own experience with gaining my almost all my weight back, starting almost 7 years post gastric bypass due to psych meds.

The specifics and timetable of complications, regain and “reversal” are covered in many blogs on here.

I usually support the weight loss surgery community as a long term peer, best through OH.com. 90% of what I have to say is to help others, is received positively, including and especially from OH.com staff. The other 10% is really negative from fellow bariatric surgical peers, purposely misconstrued because I think my “reversal” status, if a bariatric patient can believe it, scares the HELL out of them, and that I get, if they are not emotional terrorists about it. Or my issues make them feel better about themselves, which makes them an emotional terrorist, picking on me, for no reasons.

While I support people who’ve had complications and/or reversals , through my blog, Facebook and OH.com, OH.com allows me to give advice when people ask for it, as a long term peer, even when they didn’t have complications, but the many different life adjustments that happen life long post weight loss surgery.

And UNLIKE most of my peers who’ve had nearly life ending and life ruining complications, I’m weight loss surgery positive, with ALL the weight loss surgeries, including gastric bypass.

Because while I know people who’ve died waiting for a serious medical intervention for bariatric surgical complications, I also know people who died for weight related health reasons who died WANTING, more than anything, bariatric surgery.

This is what I don’t understand. NO ONE is forced at gunpoint to read ANYTHING I write on the internet.

I go out of my way, for free, given all this free time I now have, that I NEVER asked for, due to multiple complex medical, mental and cognitive disabilities, to try and help people, the majority of time I’m on the internet.

I admit, I wasn’t perfectly compliant. I was a moderate smoker, at the time of my gastric bypass, who NEVER quit. That’s it. I didn’t drink alcohol, I take/took my vitamins, ate with compliance and exercised.

I didn’t ask for a gastric bypass reversal, which is what I had. I had to have one to save my life and to maintain what little life that I would have, should I live through my complications, should the reversal work.

And guess what??? The only thing that is not even guaranteed, is that one will most likely live through their reversal vs. die from their complications. Or have somewhat of a better health outcome, because no one goes into bariatric surgery either thinking they will have complications or weight of a starving person, or in my case, where I was heavier than most people reversed, the labs of a starving person, multiple complications and a primary reason for reversal was so I didn’t internally bleed to death.

And before any weight loss surgery peeps blame me as a smoker, while I don’t advise smoking, I know people who smoked a lot and drank a lot and never had a G.I. bleed.

I don’t go to anyone’s spaces on the internet, tell them what they are doing wrong with their life, how they should look, behave and weigh.

All I’m asking is for the same fucking courtesy…..

You wanna know what’s not fair, as it applies to me, as well as my family, is that I was compliant.

That I should’ve been known as a bariatric specializing Certified Personal Trainer and successful small business owner who was a mother of 2 and loves her kids more than anything.

Not the trainwreck that my life became post gastric bypass, epic nervous breakdown and suicide attempt in 2008, that makes me NOW, known as the wordy reversed chick.

I will try to help almost anyone, with anything I can, as far as my time, to help, restricted to online.

But please don’t be a bariatric surgical peep telling me that life post operatively from a gastric bypass perspective, was fucking more fair to me, it was NOT. Even though I’ve heard stories and supported people who had it worse than me, and if they lived, they don’t go around telling others how unfair it was, compared to other bariatric surgical outcomes that didn’t have complications. Or people who had not as many major ones.

Not to mention those who did die from their complications.

Not all reversed gastric bypass peeps can eat like I can. And guess what, I can’t eat carte blanche, but I can eat somewhat normally, after almost 7 years post reversal and that I’m grateful for.

And am not going to apologize for that. Or living the little life that I have, without micromanaging my weight and what I eat, for the rest of my life.

My bariatric surgeon in early 2010, during my 1st hospitalization of that year, when I was begging for a revision, wouldn’t revise me, due to the extent of my complications. 6 months later when he brought a reversal to save my life, he made it clear, that was my only choice to live and while he never made one negative comment about my weight (as he understood meds played into my enormous regain, without being able to eat much or keep down what I ate, due to those bleeding ulcers).

As well he NEVER suggested any type of non surgical weight loss treatment, but did it make it clear, that if I’d gain a lot of weight, I’d most likely be ineligible for ANY of the bariatric surgeries, regardless of how much I weighed (if I’d become morbidly to supermorbidly obese) or if I’d develop co-morbids, but I was more at risk for dying due to how I responded to a perfectly performed rny.

So that’s why I make some effort to keep some of my  weight off. And don’t feel like I failed the world at large or the bariatric surgical community that I’m not thin, any longer.

I’m really fucking sick of having to explain all of this. Over and over again.

And of all of the judgement people have NO problem throwing my way.

I get that there are people out there, who have to I guess blame, bully and bother complete strangers that NO ONE is forcing them to pay attention, to.

I’m not even fucking asking, for people to pay attention to me.

IF you really care about what’s unfair, how about kids who get cancer and killed in schools??? Or about both children and adults who lose loved ones due to illness, accidents, injury??? Which is what I’m kind of really stressing out about, mostly. Among other things. I live 2 blocks away from a level 1 trauma center, which I hear the sirens all the time.

And here in Minneapolis today, an innocent person died due to being at work and people were injured when a school had a gas explosion. And it feels worse to even have to think that if that gas explosion occurred 6 weeks from now, it would’ve been catastrophic.

So hopefully that clears up how I feel about people having no problem harassing me, in this case about my gastric bypass reversal but trying and being able to keep some weight off.

And if you don’t believe I had a reversal, here you go:


There’s no coding for gastric bypass reversals. The above should tell you anyone, even though it’s really none of their fucking business, and certainly not to judge, if discredit, my medical history, that I’ve only been forthcoming about my medical and mental health issues to help others.

Although if you’re going to do something so shitty, like others do to me about my reversal and regain/keeping some weight off issues, better to do it to me, than to someone who’s possibly in both medical and mental health crisis and you could seriously emotionally harm.

I’ve lived through enough shit that while I don’t love all the inaccurate assumptions about my life and life choices, I’ll be okay.

Someone else, though, may NOT be. Knock this kind of shit, off……

Seriously!!! For those who do this kind of crap, shame on you!!!

Note:  You can’t defend the hate and hurtful comments that I and others like me, receive in these instances. Don’t even try. The only reason why this is being blogged is that I’ve gotten enough crap about all aspects of my weight and bariatric surgical outcome and I”m really fucking sick and tired of it.

And have a right to defend myself and others like me, who may not have a voice……

And if for whatever reason, people can’t see how toxic they are, when they tell people who didn’t ask them for input, about why someone, post operatively is able to keep weight off, when they can’t, feel free to ENJOY(for the wrong reasons)/RESENT/THINK I’M THE UGLIEST WOMAN WHO’S UNFORTUATELY FOR YOU STILL ALIVE of the pics of me living my life and what I look like to being okay looking to horrifically sick, when it’s been HELL to life when it was great, but at least I’m ALIVE (pics, at all different weights in the last 2 1/2 decades), in my previous blog, that was meant for those who hate on me, cause I’m too fat….

Also note, when a blog that I really shouldn’t have had to write, requires me, to go into my medical records and it’s something that’s painful for me (also discussed in many other blogs) for an hour to hunt “proof” of having a gastric bypass reversal, I had to edit blog within 90 minutes of publishing, for clarification of intent….

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