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How to help those who are suicidal when they DO NOT want anyone to know that they are….

(Reposting/Reblogging, exactly one year after original publication, as I made some small but important edits and it’s one of the top 5 blogs of mine that’s read of all time in the almost 6 years I’ve been blogging about Suicide Prevention)

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1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Hotline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
http://www.befrienders.org (for people who live outside the U.S)

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical or mental health issues. I will always urge someone if they or someone they love is capable of hurting and/or killing themselves or others, to seek immediate professional help in appropriate acute facility or call 911 or emergency services in your country of residence.
***

Because of the type of activism I do, when people talk about those who they love who’s depression was fatal to them, the hardest answer I have to give (see above disclaimer) as a non professional, is when they tell me that the loved one did that and there were no clear cut signs.

In fact, they seemed happy or at peace.

I’m not the only mental health activist I’m sure to point one tragically heartbreaking thing to admit, to those who’ve never struggled with suicidal ideation, can’t comprehend.

If someone you love or care a lot about, has been struggling with severe depression and even regardless if they’re on medications and have been evaluated and are actively seeking treatment, is still struggling and then all of a sudden, they seem so much better, one of the most hard things to understand is that they can APPEAR to be doing okay, if not great.

That happens because for some and some people between illness and depending on how much suffering they are going through and how well they hide it are happy, not because they are getting help, but because they’ve decided to end their suffering, once and for all.

(Important Note: I’m going to stop here, on purpose, I had written the above, YESTERDAY and had  felt this was going to get too  wordy, when I woke up this morning, I found out that another celebrity this week,  had died by suicide.

The sad irony is, this blog I only attempted to start writing yesterday, after seeing a psychologist interviewed on CNN where she discussed missed signs of the suicidal, but didn’t address this one. I’m in NO WAY discounting the importance of clinically trained professional help or input. And CNN did do a better job of suicide awareness on their website today, due to a loss of an admired contributor of theirs today, due to suicide)

What again, is that sign???

The person seemed HAPPY.

People who are balanced and genuinely happy, their depression doesn’t become fatal for them, at least at risk of it being caused by their own despair and then their own action that leads to their death.

The bizarre phenomena of why people miss this in suicidal loved ones who don’t want anyone to know that they’re suicidal, is because they mistake relief for happiness.

Or sadly and it’s hard to explain to those who aren’t or haven’t ever been suicidal, they ARE actually happy,  because they know their suffering is going to end, because they’ve specifically made a plan and usually means and a date and they are relieved, if not overjoyed to know their suffering is going to end.

It’s also compounded with the trickiness of even the most mentally balanced person who still suffers mental illness and/or from severe depression and anxiety, of NOT wanting having to hear of all the reasons why it’s NOT okay to take their life/die from suicide/depression being fatal to them and they go out of their way to show their doing okay, if not great, because they either in lapse of ration of their own wellbeing and  don’t want to hear it and/or people don’t know how to help them, so they don’t ask because they don’t know how or what to say, if they’re in trouble and they’re too afraid of the potential ramifications should they be honest of how devastatingly depressed and devoid of hope that they are experiencing.

And again, while no one is to blame if someone’s depression is deadly to themselves, if they’ve heard another, say “suicide is the easy way out” or anything that could cause further depression and guilt, those of us who know people who feel that way, are less likely to share how much they’re unbearably hurting inside.

And the stigma is bad enough, it’s worse in people who are suicidal and are a parent, where it’s thought even more so to be the ultimate act in selfishness.

I’m not trying to make an argument for someone to die from suicide, I’m trying to explain for those who NEVER have thought about it, why some people die that way or why some of us TRIED, even though we have loved ones that we were going to leave behind.

There is a time sensitivity to this blog, as usually when there is celebrity suicides, such as what happened this week and with Robin Williams, there’s an increase in non celebrity suicide deaths.

In this case, I’m going to concentrate on just a major few of many,  major factors with some people and it usually is a factor in both, when it comes to celebrities and/or high powered people or even just people from all socioeconomic factors, who die due to their depression being fatal to them.

They just lost a loved one either by death or breakup and/or have suffered some form of rejection (i.e. job loss and/or negative change (real or irrationally perceived) in social status) and they don’t get help because of stigma and/or they don’t think their suffering isn’t going to end without them dying.

 

I need to be clear, again,  it’s no one’s fault, when people die this way, as far as death by suicide, when a relationship ends and/or any of the factors that play into their depression becoming fatal for someone.

As unfortunately some people, will not risk being exposed to any kind of psychological intervention and know how to masterfully hide their suffering and that they are at risk for their depression being fatal to to them because they absolutely cannot see any other path out of their pain.

This is a universal issue that can unfortunately anyone can and unfortunately HAS become victim to, regardless of socioeconomics, race, religion and political affiliation.

We can only try our best, but sometimes we don’t miss signs, whether it be loved ones or professionals, because there wasn’t any signs to miss, no matter how hard we try to help those with life threatening depression that could be fatal to themselves, if not others as well.

Note: Anything that’s not constructive to my readers or myself, will NOT be published.

Additional Note: Blog originally published 6-8-2018

 

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An Open Letter to #EmmanuelAranda , the man who likes assaulting people at #MallofAmerica …

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Important Disclaimers: This blog is trying to provide some kind of controlled and constructive, albeit maybe not the most conventional way for those of us who are heartbroken at what happened at the Mall of America, yesterday.

We can only hope that justice is served in a court of law, we can’t fault everyone or suspect everyone, who looks like the man who was charged with this crime.

One of my most read blogs EVER, was about a local police killer, white and who probably had the most violent and active criminal histories ever, before he became homicidal.

IF, you find it in your heart to forgive someone, so be it, also if you don’t like profanity, please don’t read.

***

Yo Emmanuel,

Hopefully you’ll never read this, that you’ll end up fucking rotting in a prison for the rest of your fucking pathetic miserable life.

This ain’t for you, this is for everyone, who’s heartbroken for the 5 year old boy you might have potentially killed and his family, their family friends, our community, as I’m sure for many of   those of us who woke up, checked the news to see if there was any answers about the little boy, but such is in my case, just found that they released your name.

And to my horror, I saw when I checked your criminal history,  which is free, legal, public and online, as it applies to the State of Minnesota, you did something like this before.

You were on probation, for an assault, I’m assuming at the Mall of America, due to the terms of your probation.

I guess we can only hope justice is served better, this time, as it applies to what you did yesterday.

Hopefully, when you have to answer to that family, where there is still so much unknown, which should remain that way for the public, while physicians valiantly try to save this little boy’s life.

The thing is though, you’ll never have the right answer, regardless if you’re capable ever of feeling remorse for what you did and it’s kind of fucking hard to believe that you would, given the fact this wasn’t your first assault and your victim was 5 years old.

I just needed to get this off my chest, while I continue to pray for your victim and his family, I even pray for your family.

I am just NOT  praying for you.

And I’m also praying that for whatever vile reason that made you commit such a heinous act of violence, doesn’t create more violence towards any innocent person, given the degree of instability and savageness, in our society, now.

Note: I make no apologies for what I say. I use words sometimes, strongly, because I can get away with that, to vent, I have no sponsors with this blog, I don’t have a job that I have to worry about being fired from.

If you saw the search terms that people find my blog, it’s one thing to vent when a tragedy happens, it’s another when you see people who find the things I write about for the wrong reasons, which as an activist and blogger, I’m trying to PREVENT these tragedies or in rare cases, in a “vent” blog, give people ways to constructively express their sadness and their anger when tragedies like this occur.

I can’t be clearer, that this crime needs to be prosecuted in a court of law. That the issue with the defendant has to be with what he did, not what he looked like.

Please choose your words thoughtfully if you choose to respond. Thanks.

Thoughts and prayers don’t prevent non gun violence, either….

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Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, nor trained in law enforcement or public safety.

If you or anyone you know, is a danger to yourself or others, please contact emergency services.

I didn’t bother watching much of the news nationally, today.

It was a heartbreaking day, locally.

First that hit the news, was a 24 year old man, pushed or threw (investigation being ongoing, there’s not much information being released, yet)  a 5 year old boy he didn’t know from the 3rd floor to the first floor at Mall of America, where the child is reported to be in critical condition.

In greater Minnesota, a 36 year old father set fire to his house today, killing his 2 youngest children who were toddlers, his other 2 children who were 9 and 7 are in the hospital and the father is in critical condition.

I’m just going to concentrate on today’s events here locally regarding children that were murdered  by family or an attempted murder by a stranger.

We need more initiatives that can help people realize that everyone, regardless of age has a right to a peaceful and violence free life.

These 2 isolated incidents had 5 victims, 2 of them dead, all under the age of 10 years old.

I keep internally debating on whether or not that empathy for others who are different can be taught, that people who have severe mental illness diagnosed or not can have more initiatives in place for education on how important the sanctity of life is and if people can’t see that for themselves, that they do not infringe in any way in everyone’s right to have a healthy peaceful life without all this violence that is now happening on a daily basis, locally, nationally and around the world.

The victims, their families (although truthfully I’m not praying for that father), friends and communities, are in my thoughts and prayers.

With my own disabilities, I can’t do more than bring awareness of the urgent need for more resources and initiatives in place.

And the urgent need for people to check in one another, as well as having more initiatives and if one feels that they are in danger of hurting themselves and others, that they get the help they need for themselves and/or others, so that more of these tragedies can be prevented.

Editorial Note: Blog published while it’s still April 12th, 2019 here in Minnesota.

An Open Letter to Meghan McCain…

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Dear Meghan, (not that I ever expect “open letter” type of blogs to make it to the famous people, that I write to, it’s more of putting it out to the universe, in hopes to help while I still hope to retain my privacy as a reclusive introverted activist and private person).

I saw today’s clip of The View on You Tube, and it’s hard not to feel your pain, when topics regarding cancer come up, such as the interview with Ricki Lake.

It’s also hard, if one is stupid enough like I am, to read the comments such as today and in past interviews where your grief is still so raw but so understandable.

I think of your dad, often.

I feel bad because some of the reasons why I miss John McCain are purely selfish.

Our country needs him, now more than ever.

There would’ve never been a good time for him to pass, in that regard.

But it goes beyond my scope of comprehension of the loss that you feel but so bravely show, that you show that people have to grieve the loss of their most beloved on their own terms and there are those of us, even if we can’t comprehend the magnitude of your loss, admire that bravery and immense love you have for your Dad.

The one thing that was crystal clear, that your Dad was so proud of all his children.

Another was that he trusted you would find your own path and would be of greatness unique to you, as much great that you’ve already done, that there was more greatness in you, to come out, as you grow even more into the wonderful woman that you are.

I believe that you will be a part of what’s needed to find a cure and less invasive treatments for Glioblastoma, like Joe Biden has, with the tragic loss of his son, Beau.

I believe that will only though be a part of what amazing legacy and wonderful things you will do, you’ve already showed that people can be conservative but with somewhat of an open mind, not seeing conservatism in black and white, you’ve already accomplished so much with that.

My objective with writing this, is that just like your Dad was a one of a kind national treasure, you are an an amazing woman with a lot of gifts, your intelligence, your inner and out beauty, your love and your loyalty and passion to do the right thing and to do so, in front of a global audience which can be so difficult when there is so much hate in this world, something I hope you can not let deter you from being you, which I don’t think it can and doing what you feel is right, that will continue to help make the world a better place.

Not just because of your amazing father, but because of who you are, Meghan McCain.

Peace, Lisa

An Open Letter to Representative Ilhan Omar…

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Dear Representative Omar,

I really don’t like talking about politics, it’s WAY out of my comfort zone.

I’m a lot more at ease about talking about mental health issues and trauma that plays into that, even though I wish I didn’t have to discuss that, either.

But someone has to, and that’s how I feel about this particular matter.

I normally disagree with most things that President Donald Trump says and does.

But he was right about something this morning.

Your apology about Israel and its supporters was LAME.

My being pro-Israel, mind you it’s generally pro Israel, I don’t agree with everything that Israel has ever done, is because I feel it’s the right thing to do, being Jewish helps, knowing some of the anti-semitism I’ve experienced and that’s only occasionally selective as I don’t wear my Judiasm out in public, if I don’t tell people I’m Jewish, they don’t know.

And in my case being Jewish and pro-Israel, ain’t about the “benjamins”, baby, there ain’t any “benjamins” to be had in my case, I’m a poor Jew that believes and wishes more than anything, that there should be peace in the middle east.

I’m also a voter in Minneapolis who voted for YOU.

I thought you would encourage and foster peace and harmony between the religions and socio-economics, not widen the gap in the former.

I, sincerely hope for the sake of all your constituents and because it’s the right thing to do, that you learn more about anti-semitism here and abroad.

Not because of peer or political pressure but because it’s the right thing to do.

Just like anti-Muslim tropes have no place here, anywhere and in our government, neither does anti-semitism.

Respectfully, Lisa

Editorial Note: I didn’t know at the time of publication, that people were asking for Rep. Omar’s resignation. as I loathe Twitter.

As someone who voted for her, I don’t want that, she made a bad rookie mistake that I honestly believe she can learn from in an honest and organic way.

If I thought she was organically a jew hater, I would not be defending her but I am, because I believe she can learn and grow from this.

And one last thing, I have to ponder, if Ilhan Omar was a white male Christian, would the backlash be the same?

I don’t think so.

Give her break and a chance to do the good that those of us who voted for her thinks she is capable of.

Additional note: People have questioned my motives for writing this and if I understood what this particular situation was about, which was about AIPAC, I get it, but this is not the first time Representative Omar has ventured in to territory that could be construed as anti-semetic.

I’m not going to name names, I do know she is surrounded by Jewish peers professionally and personally that respect her and vice versa. I don’t think they would have her support if she was a truly anti-semetic nor would she have mine.

I do think going forward she needs to be careful in what she says about Israel, Jews and the supporters of Israel. For those who support Israel for reasons that aren’t altruistic, not only are people aware of who they are, it will negative effect them, in the realm of politics but support should be  because it’s the right thing to do, which is getting lost in this day and age, not just in our country where we can’t meet in the middle and see others viewpoint, but globally.

Dear Avenue-YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS!!!

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“The Customer is ALWAYS right”….. A quote that was ingrained in me before I became disabled working most of my life in customer service, which truthfully isn’t true, if I’m going to be honest.

If I am going to be more honest, I made a lot of online purchases the weekend before last. 2 of the items were messed up. The first item I received, was a jacket from Sears, not only did I get the wrong jacket, I got the wrong size. They credited me immediately, no other questions asked.

The second purchase that was a disaster, which was a jacket that I had purchased from Avenue. The pleather jacket that I received had severe wrinkles all over the place.

So I called their customer service to query about returning it, I was told I’d be out of the 8.95 for shipping (which is kind of excessive to begin with, all my other other purchases were free s/h or a nominal amount which I received quicker than this wrinkled jacket).

The only way I could have a chance of getting my full money back was sending pictures of the product, which I did. Unfortunately I could not send a picture of the entire jacket with tags and the wrinkles, so I sent 5 different pictures which was NOT to the satisfaction of Avenue.

I also don’t live close to a retail post office, living in Downtown Minneapolis and I was loathe to to spend anymore money and time, as I had been arguing all day with their customer service department who insisted that the jacket had to come back for me to get a refund for the product and it would be minus the shipping and handling.

I finally asked them to cancel my account, which took another 3 queries, but they finally did.

I also contacted my bank to reverse the charge, which they did immediately, not even asking for all the correspondence that transpired between Avenue and I.

I don’t feel good about getting my money back from Wells Fargo.

The company that should’ve reimbursed me for the wrinkled jacket which I’ll either donate to charity, otherwise it needs to be brought to the cleaners to get all the wrinkles out IS Avenue.

There are no longer Avenues in the state of Minnesota for the last several years  and I realize why. They have overpriced stuff, where items the rare time it’s good quality, is not of good value, unless you luck out on rare occasion when there is a sale.

While I know in my case, the extreme aggravation that I experienced is now over, I feel sorry for any of their future customers who think shopping online getting subpar merchandise and having to be financially penalized somehow, is normal.

Is it is NOT. Let the buyer beware, going forward.

There are too many plus size female clothing companies that treat their customers with the respect (which the agents were NICE, the problem was they weren’t willing to do anything for me) and who will take action to benefit the customer when they’ve been wronged and/or inconvenienced by a purchase, that should not cost the customer so much time or to be out of any money.

I don’t blame the reps who nicely but didn’t help me with my order this weekend.

I blame the company that has policies that antagonize a customer, when the company itself, has made the mistake.

While I won’t hold my breath for Avenue to reimburse Wells Fargo for this purchase, I wish they would, because it’s the right thing to do.

In the meantime, I’ll just stick to shopping online with Torrid, that has better customer service, cuter clothing options and on the rare occasion they make a mistake, they take action to rectify it and aren’t scammy with shipping and handling costs.

Note: Comments that aren’t constructive will NOT be published.

Editorial Note: After begging Avenue to delete my account this weekend, because I didn’t want to think about them or the item I purchased, I received this morning an email to review the item and their customer service. Seriously, Avenue? Seriously????

I did though, I dare them to publish it. We’ll see….

How the war on opioids has harmed some patients

A brilliant blog that I originally found on Kevin M.D., I just posted another blog of hers, this blog is also an amazing in it’s advocacy for not punishing all opiate using severe chronic pain patients due opiate phobia by physicians or physicians who worry about stigma if they do continue to treat with care, their chronic patient’s pain with opiates.

EDS and Chronic Pain News & Info

How the war on opioids has harmed some patients – KevinMD – by Angelika – Jan 2019

Treating a patient’s distressing health symptoms with prescribed medication is an unquestioned intervention in any other area of medicine, like diabetes (goal is “control blood sugar,” accomplished by insulin) or high blood pressure (goal is “lower blood pressure,” accomplished by various antihypertensive medications).

Even erectile dysfunction is considered a “medical issue” deserving palliation with a medication (goal is to “achieve an erection,” accomplished by Viagra).

But when dealing with the medical issue of chronic pain…

I hope you’ll go visit the site where my essay was published and perhaps even leave a comment.

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