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6-6-1996 BA296 ORD-LHR/Oh What A Flight!!!

(Note: I’m not normally in the habit of reposting blogs. This blog that I wrote and published exactly a year ago, reminded me of a happier and much more productive time in my life.

If anyone would’ve told me that in the 21 years following what this blog is about, my life and almost everyone else’s, for those of us who’ve been around awhile, and have managed to escape, horrible tragedy, obviously people have some major changes in their lives, mine is stranger than most, given the fact that 10 years after this EPIC moment in my life, 10 years later,  in 2006, while my life still was completely different, in the fact, instead of being a very overweight loving single mother of one, I’d be a very sick (to get even sicker and nearly die, including my daughter who she and I nearly died when I gave birth to her in 2003 but I’d be a very thin single mother of 2, still hoping to launch her own business. And I also nearly died because of my mental health ( “my one and only” suicide attempt in 2008) and for years gastric bypass complications that  I would’ve died without my gastric bypass being reversed in 2010, I still can’t get over, the twists personally that I’ve gone through.

Let alone, still trying to grasp that while we were still a fairly evolved society, I don’t know if anyone knew that 21 years ago, from this date, life would be in both wonderful and horrific ways, the way it is now.

But because my blogs have been so serious and on the sad side, this year, I needed the reminder of ONE absolute AMAZING thing in my past, that I can be somewhat proud of. As while I didn’t get to choose being on that flight, my being really good at my job at the time, was what got me the opportunity.

IF you need to share something amazing either past or present, that was a happy life changing moment in your life , feel free to do that in the comment section of my blog.

And while I’m thinking of London and Paris, fondly of the past, I’m heartbroken what’s happened there, in the last 2 weeks to 2 years, let alone globally, sometimes it helps to remember where there’s life, there’s hope and fighting the good fight, in all types of evil and  hopefully that’s how we can honor those who’ve lost their lives in such tragic circumstances. As well as all those who are no longer with us, for whatever reason. Peace ❤ )


( pic above found on internet, last year and was what Princess Diana was wearing (and so was her double) when boarding BA296 on 6-6-1996 from Chicago O’Hare to London Heathrow/ no copyright infringement, intended )

(No copyright infringement intended with above image and video)

For Zoe Arielle, Zachary, My Mom and Dad……

You’re probably thinking, where the heck have you been the last 3 months, Lisa?

Not gonna talk about that today. I will talk about what I was doing exactly 20 years ago, but I probably should add some back story, whether you’re a new reader of my blog or you’ve read previous blogs of mine.

For most of my working life, I did customer service, as a job. I had been employed for over 4 years with CVN/QVC (QVC bought CVN in 1989) and in Fall of 1992, when 9 months pregnant with Zach, I moved, lost a job (was laid off) and had him in a 2 1/2 week period of time.

For the first 2 1/2 years after Zachary was born, I did childcare. It allowed me to work full time and be with him. The first year, I was a nanny. The 18 months after that, I worked in a home daycare.

In 1995, I decided to go back to working in customer service. I missed having a job with benefits. So I ended up getting a full-time  job at Carlson Marketing Group, on the account for British Airways where we managed their Frequent Traveller Programme for the U.S. (brit speak for frequent flyer program).

I had amazing skills of getting really interesting jobs in “white collar offices” and/or large companies, based in Minneapolis, for  below “blue collar” pay. Even though most of my working life, the benefits at any company I worked at, were good.  I was paying almost 50% of my income at the time, in rent for a 1 bedroom apartment that Zachary and I lived in and I grossed $30 too much for food stamps.

The irony of the above, will become relevant in a few paragraphs, please be patient with me.

But life at that time, for the most part, was lovely. Zach and I did ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) in the evenings, twice a week and I had facilitated for the last year, a single parent support group for over a year at that time, at my local YMCA.And I was really good with money, then. And my parents helped out with automobile related issues, which helped.

Working on British Airways for CMG, for the most part, was a great job. And I had amazing communication skills, which was needed, given the diversity of their clientele. We had to deal with celebrities, heads of Fortune 100 companies and obviously their staff. And while BA was a demanding client, they treated us well.

In late Spring of 1996, BA had a contest for us, not saying the specifics of it, about excellence in customer service. Because I had so many letters of gratitude from customers, I decided to enter. So I sent about a dozen letters in. And didn’t think anymore about it.

What I won, when I found out, a few weeks later, was a trip to London. Okay, that’s AWESOME.Because at that time, other than being in every state you could drive through between Minnesota, out east to New Jersey, as well as flying to New York, a couple of times and one trip to Florida, when I was 15, I had NEVER been out of the country.

However, this was to be in a video for training purposes. At that time, that was a little less awesome, if I’m going be honest, as this was 5 1 /2 years before I had my gastric bypass and I wasn’t happy with my weight. And I certainly didn’t love being photographed, let alone the thought of being in a video that many people would see. But to get paid to go to London, as a 26 year old single mother??? I’m not going to decline it.

We were to leave less than two weeks from the time we were notified. Because there was a government shut down at the time, we had to get our passports the day we departed.

Okay.. Enough back story… Here we go…..

***Thursday/June 6th, 1996***

It’s early morning and I leave my apartment dressed in business attire, to drive and park at the airport parking lot of Minneapolis/St.Paul International. Both British Airways and CMG were picking up all the expenses related to the trip and I had dropped Zachary off at my parents, the night before. He was 3 1/2 years old at the time, and I had not yet been away from him any longer than 24 hours.

My co-worker who also won, met me at the airport and we flew together from Minneapolis to O’Hare on Northwest. I can’t remember all of the terminals, now, other than British Airways was in terminal 5, and Northwest’s terminal didn’t have lockers, so we had to go to I think terminal 3, to drop our luggage off and then took a cab to the Kluczynski Federal Building.

We arrive and because this was post OKC bombing, security was tight. And when make it to the same day passport office, it seemed like there a bazillion other people in line waiting to be taken care of.

We get helped and then are told to come back after lunch, to pick up our passports. So my co-worker and I go to a really cool bar and grill, and the television is on, specifically the news. It’s showing Princess Diana, not terribly far from us, as she was in town for breast cancer awareness.

So not only am I going to London and getting paid for it, but I manage to be in Chicago at the same time as Princess Diana was !!! This is getting more awesome by the minute.

So we get done with lunch and then things get a little nerve wracking. Our passports are taking forever, by the time we get them, we quickly grab a cab to get back to O’Hare, there is so much traffic on Edens Expressway, as well as our moronic cabdriver had to stop and get gas that we are risk of missing our flight.

By the time we get to terminal “whatever” to pick up our luggage, get to terminal 5, we have a little over an hour before a flight is to depart and as we check in, they are already starting to board. Because we were on business for BA, we were flying Club World, which just had been renovated, as BA did a rebranding of sorts, in 1996. It’s beautiful and the seats are HUGE.

I get seated away from co-worker, who was kind of on the annoying side, thank goodness and am in awe of where I am. That soon changes when a flight attendant who knew me by name, approached me. “Miss Kasen, I have something for you. You left your return ticket on your flight into Chicago, so we called your employer and here you go”. I thank her, but now I am still an awe, but feeling like the biggest IDIOT, in the whole world.

Shortly after, as I had the window seat, the passenger next to me, gets seated. He’s a nice older British gentleman, and while were getting acquainted, he gasps, pointing out, “Look, there’s Princess Diana!!!”.

So now I’m doubly in awe, still kind of feeling like an idiot, though, as not only am in Chicago at the same time as Princess Di, I’m actually at the same airport.

FIVE minutes later she boards the plane. I can’t remember what the plane was, I think it was 767, not sure. I know the makeup of the plane was cockpit, First, Club World, galley, where we boarded, another Club World and then Economy. However because I was in the back row of Club World, in front of the galley, I was the very FIRST passenger she saw and she made eye contact with.

(the outfit I was wearing was LITERALLY big blobs of purple and white pantsuit that like cost me a day’s pay, at Catherine’s that I got a few days before the trip)

As gorgeous as she ever was in photographs, she’s just as, if not more so, stunning in person. She’s traveling with a body double who’s dressed identical to her. And with a fairly large entourage who was seated in my section of Club World. We are offered a glass of champagne, once they are all seated (which I declined).

As the flight starts to depart, there’s a lot of fanfare so to speak. There’s a ton of security and as well as the press on the ground. In my case, I had a slight fear of flying, but thought that this flight with Princess Diana on it, would have to be probably one of the safest flights in the world.

There was some unspoken agreement that no passenger would speak to her. She did come back to my section of Club World, to speak with people who she was traveling with (I did check the flight manifest, when I got back to work, as I had access and she was in First, basically by herself and one other couple).

We had like a 5 course dinner. As well as for First and Club World (sorry, I should probably reiterate, BA called First Class, just First, Club World was business class and I forgot the catchy name for economy, at the time) had access to “raid the larder” which was set up in the galley behind me, which was a buffet, in case one got hungry.

I was too excited to eat anything more than dinner. Not to mention, that nice British chap, seated next to me, pretty much fell asleep from the time the flight departed, until we arrived early Friday morning in London. Because the seats extended out, it was hard to leave mine, without disturbing him. I think I went to the bathroom only once, right before we arrived, to freshen up. I was too busy Princess Diana watching, the whole entire night.

Our flight arrived like 40 minutes ahead of schedule. They were brilliant in the fact that Princess Diana and her entourage, were not only the last to board, but they were the last to exit the plane. So everyone then, knew she was on our flight. I smiled in awe at her, one last time, when exiting the plane and got fast tracked through customs. Got my luggage in amazingly short time.Then shortly after that, took a shuttle to Forte Crest which was the hotel I was staying near Heathrow.

Well now, I realize, I’m talking more about the trip, then just my flight, exactly 20 years ago, feel free not to finish reading or take your chances, as it is an interesting story.

That’s actually true and not fictional, which I can’t get over, to this very day!!!

This is the awesome thing that I didn’t know as this was my first (and ONLY) business trip. When you get into town, you can check in immediately. We were only scheduled to work for 4 hours, the next day, in the afternoon to film the video. However, while it was 7 a.m when I was checking into my hotel in London, it was only 1 a.m in Minneapolis, so I had like 6 hours to kill before I could call ALMOST EVERYBODY, but especially my Mom and Dad, to tell them about my absolutely AMAZING flight to London, with Princess Diana being on my flight!!!

I take a shower once I get to the hotel, change into more casual clothes and decide to go exploring London. Which I don’t find out, until I’m there, is about 30 miles away from Heathrow, which I go through to get there. I get to central London and take a double decker bus. London is extraordinarily beautiful. I have some extra money, as my parents gave me $400, that I could go to Paris, if I wanted, or to have some extra money, as some things couldn’t get expensed, until I returned.As Sunday would also be a day that I could do what I want, I was only working that Saturday afternoon, so I had planned on going to Paris on Sunday.

I get back to my hotel at 3 p.m. on Friday (6-7-96). I decide to call my Dad at work (he had his own business, that I would occasionally and my sisters worked for him, in transportation and my Mom was with Zachary) tell him about my trip so far and was happy that Zachary was doing great.

After calling my best friend at the time, to tell her, then I decide to get room service for an early dinner and they would say in the U.K, I was all knackered out. I fell asleep for like the next 10 hours, but woke up in plenty of time, to make sure I was ready, when getting picked up by someone who was employed at British Airways, to take us to the venue, outside of London, to film the video.

Other than remember some famous guy from the BBC, who was cute, I don’t remember that much about making the video (and I couldn’t bear to see it, truthfully, when it was released) . I remember after we were done, as there was 3 of us (they also had a  male customer service representative from Florida, where they subcontracted their South American Frequent Traveller Programme), my co-worker in addition to appallingly badmouthing CMG, made arrangements to meet the grandaughter of a customer from Liverpool at our hotel. I explored Central London with the cute guy from Florida, such as Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, Hard Rock Cafe, but we ate at back at the Forte Crest for dinner on Saturday night. As long as we ate at the hotel, it would be automatically paid for by British Airways, if I ate outside of it , I’d have to expense it back to CMG, when I came back.

It bears mentioning that the weekend I was in London was during the Euro 1996. So London was super busy . And because of that, the concierge at my hotel, couldn’t book a professional guided sight seeing day trip to Paris. So I ended up taking the Eurostar (the “chunnel”) the next day to Paris, which was about a 3 1/2 hours trip.

While I was seated next to a guy from Turkey on my way to Paris, who was awesome, the English Countryside was awesome, going under the English Channel was awesome, but I was kind of tired. And I really missed Zachary.

Also I didn’t get into Paris, until like 3 p.m. On a Sunday. And they aren’t kidding when they say Parisians for the most part, don’t like “tres grosse Americanes”. It was uncomfortable. So yeah I got to see with my own eyes, Place du Concorde, the Eiffel Tower, Arc De Triomphe and Versailles (well their exteriors, didn’t have the time or patience to actually go in them)  with my own eyes, I was tired. And I was kind of upset with attitude, so  much other than buying a ticket to SEE Paris, didn’t spend one single franc IN Paris.  I remember fighting with my very french cab driver because my French wasn’t so good. I thought it was fascinating though on my way back to Gard du Nord, that I saw a prostitute fighting with someone in the middle of the street and that Paris, like London, has no windows screens. Even though they do have bugs, there.

I actually returned early to London. I spent twice as long as getting to and from Paris, as I did in it. Ate something one I got back to my hotel, late that night, and had to get ready for an early flight departing out of Gatwick to Pittsburgh, early Monday morning.

My co-worker, who was starting to make me feel like a very annoyed genius, had a great idea of eating breakfast at the hotel to save money. There’s construction at Gatwick, and by the time we go to check in, we miss the chance to board. And while the check in lady, at British Airways at Gatwick was lovely, it was embarrassing as my co-worker was quite abrasive to her, which made us look even more unprofessional.

We get re-booked, luckily on a flight the same day, but departing Heathrow to O’Hare instead, still in Club World, which I was shocked because if I was that agent, I would’ve put us in Economy, if not the baggage compartment.

So we get to Heathrow and check in. When we go through security, my co-worker thinks it’s hilarious to tell the nice handsome male security guard that I have a bomb in my bag, in country that’s prone to a lot of terrorists attacks. So that requires him pulling us both out of queue, him getting female security guard to search me and my possessions. I then kind of lose it with my co-worker and tell him he’s a “%$#( idiot”, which the guard reiterates sternly to him, and we’re lucky we didn’t get in anymore trouble than that.

By the time we get back to Minneapolis, it’s mid Monday evening. I miss my son terribly. I get in my car, which I actually kiss the driver side of the door (which had a lipstick stain that couldn’t  be removed) as between planes, cabs, shuttles and the Tube, I never want to take any form of public transportation again and go to my Mom and Dad’s house and get my son, who I’m ecstatic to be back with and we go home.

I understand this was way more than just talking about that time I went to London, as a 26 year old single mother of 1, exactly 20 years ago.

When people ask me though, what’s the best things/most exciting things that’s ever happened to me, if I would name the top 3 things, it goes like this. My children are tied for #1. My flight to London with Princess Diana on the same plane is #2. I’d be lying if I didn’t cop to what I thought 10 years ago, in Summer of 2006, where I had  by  then, Zoe and Zach, was thin and fit and even though I was so horribly sick, I still had  hope that things would get better as being #3. And I’d launch a successful business, and be able to do what I wanted for work as well as provide nicely for my children, who were and still are, of course the loves of my life.

Not sorry for feeling like  a 6 hour flight with Princess Diana beating out 6  1/2  years of being thin. But not going to lie and say that there wasn’t some good things about being thin, either. After being bullied for being heavy all my life.

More people can say they lost weight  than can say they shared a flight with Princess Diana or seen her in person. I was devastated when she died 14 months later. But understood as I saw the intense press scrutiny, at least a little bit, with my very own eyes.

So what I’ve been up to lately (not much) and why I’m so stuck in the past, whether it be 20 years ago or 10 years ago,  still will be again  discussed in future blogs.

Sorry this was so terribly wordy…..And I apologize to those who may be triggered my weight talk.

p.s. I forgot to add that I talked to quite a few celebrities when I worked on BA at CMG. Miss Joan Collins, being one of them. Let’s just say she wasn’t acting in Dynasty, she’s quite the witch….

p.s.s. If the title alone of the  blog threw you, BA 296 is British Airways flight from Chicago O’hare (airport code “ORD”) to London Heathrow (airport code “LHR”)..

p.s.s.s. It probably will also be shocking that because we dealed with the elite, I could politely hold my own with customer’s who while rich or better yet rich and famous, would make one miserable if they thought their frequent flyer account was off by 1,000 miles. I read the Wall Street Journal.  I knew almost every airport code, globally, made myself familiar with almost everything international and had memorized the frequent flyer programs of BA’s Top THIRTY competitors. I could politely say to the  CFO at Goldman Sachs that it was just the same for an upgrade from Club to First on Emirates from London to Dubai, like it was on British Airways. And this was before I had my own personal computer at home, to study, anything. We had no such thing as intranet, like I did at UHG.

As always, same rules apply, comments that are triggering to others, and me included, as it took a lot of effort, to write this, will NOT be approved. Thanks!!!

Those pictures….

A brilliant blog about the conversation we need to be having about skin cancer, as the month of May is Skin Cancer awareness.

While I’m better suited for mental health activism (which May is also Mental Health Awareness), a local adored brilliant, kind and compassionate meteorologist started a blog, regarding his own battle with squamous cell carcinoma and now trying to raise awareness, support and prevention with this excellent blog.

Ian Leonard...

May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month. Unfortunately some of us are more aware than others. I am acutely aware of Squamous Cell Cancer, it stole a third of my bottom lip last year. Sadly I have plenty of company. Over 5 million people are diagnosed with skin cancer in the U.S. each year. Of those, more than 400,000 cases are directly linked to indoor tanning.
I was born and raised in Edmonton, Canada. In the depths of Canadian winters we measured snow in feet and rarely saw temperatures above freezing. The folks who were lucky to travel to warm destinations came back to the Great White North with dark tans and smiles. I wanted that tan. I wanted to smile and show off the teeth my parents dental plan had paid for. No passport necessary. No planes or hotels. Instead, a quick 20 minute nap…in a tanning bed. Unlimited tanning…

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need 2 find a____ ??? …… reflecting on the 1st anniversary of Prince’s death….


It bears repeating my normal disclaimer with this blog, that anyone in medical and/or mental health crisies need to seek immediate help from emergency services such as calling emergency services and/or immediately getting to an  acute care facility i.e. hospital ….

Okay, with that being said, the last thing I want to do, even though my blog regarding Prince is drug related, it’s with trying to be crystal clear, that I don’t think that Prince’s legacy should ever be him being the poster child as a warning for accidental overdoses and that should hopefully never taint his legacy, as I go further along, I’ll make it clearer that in this blog, I’m only highlighting certain issues, in respect. I go in more detail about medication issues in past blogs and will continue to do so, in future blogs.

The irony is in my case, personally , is that I haven’t left my house in almost a week due to running out of pain meds a day after a refill was due. Which confines me to home and not capable of much and my life circumstances allow for that. Even though I’m not going through withdrawal, I’m more vulnerable than usual, not being able to get a handle on severe chronic pain.

Where I tie in my personal medical complexities, such as a unique body physiology that drugs of all different therapy classes, in all different delivery systems (IV, oral and patch) I metabolize bizarrely or have awful side effects, or I have a good outcome but potency and longevity of a medication is compromised.

I did have an issue when put on a trial of the Fentany patch at a low dosage that I’ve discussed that with perfect compliance that 24 hours on that patch knocked me in a horrific opiate withdrawal for 5 days, almost 6 years ago.

My blogging about Prince’s cause of death and my own issues with opiates,  isn’t to talk about removing stigma, in this case. I don’t think that in his particular case, it would’ve helped him much and that’s not the reason for this blog.

To make sense though maybe for me and others would be discussing the absolutely appalling lack of options in 2017 that patients with severe chronic pain issues have for treatment options that unfortunately can play into addiction and abuse and sadly, what we are now in, Opioid Epidemic with tens of thousands of people dying every year due to opiate overdoses.

Even drugs like buprenorphine, which was being brought to Prince, when his body was discovered, in hopes he’d go to California for rehab, people struggle with addiction to that medication as well, and people have died from accidental overdoses and a few from perfect compliance with buprenorphine and Suboxone.

How is it that we have 100 different ways and options to send a pic of a lunch we can take and send via a cell phone, to someone halfway around the world , if not in Space, but we have such AWFUL options, when it comes to so many major medical issues, that go beyond just medication, in this day and age???

I do have a few more things to say and I said some of it, in a blog that I wrote about Prince, 6 months ago. As horrified as I am, in how he died, I’m slightly only less horrified in what’s happened after his death. I don’t think the public needed to know every minute detail surrounding his death, when he couldn’t have made it clearer, how much he valued his privacy, when he was alive.

I, for once, don’t have much more to say than this. That’s due to respect and the sadness I have surrounding his death, that words are failing me, out of emotion, in this case.

Other than he and his music will reign supreme for so many,  for  many more generations………

Note: Same rules apply. Respectful dialogue is encouraged even if it’s with a differing opinion. Triggering or disrespectful comments will not be published…..

A very SCARY and unique approach on how to reduce Murder/Suicides…

Note: The nature of this blog requires the disclaimer that IF anyone you know and/or oneself is in medical or mental health crisis and/or is in danger of hurting themselves and/or others, PLEASE  seek treatment IMMEDIATELY from qualified medical/mental health professionals in a crisis facility and/or contact law enforcement, immediately…..

Several days ago, here in Minnesota, a young father when going through a child custody/relationship issue with the mother of his child, shot and killed her, her sister, her father and her mother is still hospitalized, before killing himself. He had an accomplice who had taken the toddler at the time of the shooting, who was found safe, a couple of hours after the murder/suicide on Friday.

As well as the shootings in Coral Gables, Florida, when a recently fired personal trainer, killed 2 former co-workers before killing himself,  on Saturday.

As well as the other domestic murder / suicides that have happened in the last week, that I just don’t have the sanity points to address and for that I’m sorry for multiple reasons, mostly because of the tragic loss of lives.

Today (as when this will be published on WP, the date will be 4-11, when it’s still 4-10 here in the U.S.) a man shot his wife to death and 2 young children (who weren’t thought to be intentionally targeted)  which  as this was in her workplace, AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, before shooting himself in San Bernardino, California.

One of the children, an 8 year old, is also now dead (he wasn’t at the time that I started this blog) .

Because this just happened several  of hours ago, as it applies to the California shooting, maybe there will be more details released.

Like motive for the shootings . Which won’t mean much. As far as bringing those who were killed, back. And I’m not being glib, but if human life doesn’t have sanctity to a person, the location where they kill a person, won’t either.

I’m going to try something new, with this blog. I’m going to blog as both as an activist and a person, who continues to be horrified seeing all these murder/suicides.

I’m doing this because this IS NOT the first time I’ve blogged about murder/suicides. And because I lack both the credentialing and the credibility, as someone who has mental health issues but isn’t violent, to do anything else but to bring awareness, in hopes that there will be major initiatives started to try and reduce these tragic deaths, as an activist.

And while I can’t help much more than that, I can say things that other people can’t, with wording that other people can’t, because they have consequences. I don’t make money on my blog(which is on purpose)  and with my not working or having anything resembling a normal life. I have the leeway at times to say things that others don’t.

This is what I have to say to ANYONE who is thinking of killing their kids, their spouse/significant other either current or former , their parents, other family members ,  friends, children in a schools, complete strangers because they feel somehow they were wronged. Or maybe they were wronged somehow but it’s not a case of self defense but revenge:

So,  IF  you’re thinking  of harming or killing others cause someone did you wrong, I’m going to try and appeal to your sense of decency,  before acting in a horrific irrovocable manner.

Thinking about doing  something and doing something (although I can honestly say that I’ve never ever thought about hurting another human being, as my particular batshit crazy will  hopefully never have a body count ) are 2 completely different things.

I come from the philosophy that it’s better to let things and people go and try to get some peace of mind and realize that everyone should have that right.

And maybe for you,  that will require serious acute professional help.

If you’re in crisis and are thinking about hurting another/others and yourself  or just others and don’t have insurance, hospitals are required by law, to help you.

There is NOTHING honorable about revenge. Especially revenge that causes death in ANYONE. Which most of the time, most murder/suicides are about.

I’m not saying I don’t have empathy for those who are hurt emotionally, physically (sometimes an accident, sometimes on purpose) and/ or financially, that you don’t have a right to be upset. I don’t know you or your circumstances.

But channeling your anger or hurt in vengeful deadly retaliation is WRONG. It’s not badass, it’s not cool, it’s not noble. You aren’t going to somehow be redeemed, if you believe in an afterlife. The person/people who’s death/s  you’re planning aren’t the piece of shit, YOU ARE, should you carry this out and kill a person or people.

You can either try to heal by yourself, or  with professional help.

I’m BEGGING you to try the get professional help before you hurt yourself or another human being. Whether you are getting help for the sake of others, if you can’t do it for yourself, as if you’re thinking about killing others and then yourself, the people who you kill will NOT be your ONLY victims.

As the people who love and care about YOU, will also be emotionally harmed for the rest of their lives, who have to survive a loved one killing other/s and then themselves.

As well as the people who are in close  proxomity of these horrific tragedies who have to witness them, whether an attempt on their life was made or not.

Would you want someone who you love, who’s life you find value in, to DIE this way?

BUT if the above doesn’t work. of trying to get you to realize, that you won’t be glorified after your death but vilified should you kill another/others and then yourself or for those who just pick the murder route.

And for GOOD reason.

SO,  if you can’t see because you are in such an irrational place, the horrific tragic consequences of manifesting your deadly ill will that  just is going to fucking heinously end others lives and perhaps your own. And irrepably emotionally devastate those who love you that you’ve left behind, in a murder/suicide.

PLEASE try this instead, if your deadly rage won’t subside. Write a detailed letter to whoever has  done you wrong.  Don’t give it to them.

Leave it in a place that’s NOT ANYWHERE NEAR another human being but that’s somewhat  conspicuous.

Then fucking take your pick of ways to fucking kill yourself that won’t interfere with another’s peaceful right to life or at least with the least amount of impact to others lives that you can at least congratulate yourself for not killing, OK?

Because at least that’s  the least cowardly and cruel of options you could entertain, if you absolutely CANNOT  get over your deadly rage.

YOU WILL NOT  see the consequences, regardless of what you choose to do, because you’ll be DEAD.

But at least you won’t be reviled for the rest of your life, from just about everyone else in society, because you refused to get help.

But at least you didn’t take out other human beings who’s lives that you are ABSOLUTELY  NOT ALLOWED to decide when and how they die,  and if it’s  with you. And that’s something where you can at least be proud of.

And for that, people close to you, that you may care about, you will have broken their hearts. And while they won’t ever totally heal, you won’t have completely ruined their lives because you killed others, in addition to yourself.

And, at least the rest of the world won’t think you’re a rotten piece of crap like those who kill others and either kill themselves or worse, let themselves live.

And again, as it’s worth repeating, while you won’t see regardless of what you choose, if one is entertaining murder/s and then a suicide, it might help, if you just fucking kill yourself,  in bringing out an outcome in the future, to save someone else from making such a tragic choice and that they’ll get help before killing themselves and/or another.

Or it might help to bring about positive change in the future, but  that we so desperately need NOW.

And if you don’t hurt another human being, that’s also something you can find solace in, too.

I’m not mocking suicidality at ALL. In my first 2 blogs, on here, I discuss my personal issue with that, as well as resources for help and healing for those who are JUST suicidal.

But NO ONE can help someone if they can’t find the means to get help, when they want to to commit murder before killing themselves. Or those who just murder.

But I figured at this point, I had nothing to lose by trying for those thinking of murder/suicide to get help. And what to not do, if they can’t get help.

So in the above, you have both alternative options other than murder and resources for when in crisis but not capable of hurting another (it’s on my 2nd blog and I can’t copy and paste, you can find it on here, by looking at my blogs from August of 2013).

And I honestly hope you’ll believe me, when I say, that I really wish you had more options for help with rage and irrationality, then you apparently have right now.

And last but not least. What I wrote above, was pretty FUCKING  crazy, right?

For sure. But it’s a little, um no, a lot fucking LESS crazy and irrational to try and talk someone out of killing another/others than to actually think about killing another and/or to go through it.

How we as a society can help try to reduce murder/suicides:

PLEASE don’t make this a gun control issue. If someone wants to kill in this manner, weapon of choice, isn’t the issue, the desire to cause fatal harm IS.

Make this an issue about murder/suicides also WITHOUT demonizing or stigmatizing mental health issues, further. Not everyone who has mental health issues is capable of either harming either themselves and/or another human being/other human beings.

We need more support services in place for both mentally ill people in crisis whether or not they are endanger of hurting themselves or horrifically hurting or killing other human beings .

There are multiple reasons  we need more supportive services in place, to reduce murder/suicide. is that people who don’t necessarily have a record of violence or mental health are snapping and are committing murder/suicide.

I honestly believe that social media and the new technology cycles ,is feeding into this, it’s NOT helping people, in some of these cases. This is  hurting and harming human beings, sometimes fatally, as they people are losing the ability to differentiate that people are NOT  expendable and that others aren’t meant to exist and/or can be erased for others pleasure and or to punish, due to the ego-centric society we are vastly becoming (actually have already arrived) and it’s getting more harmful, not better, with so many people living most of their lives on a digital device.

I, truthfully will probably NOT attempt another blog quite like this. I realize how bizarre it was for me to say not only what I said, but in how I said it. While the nature of my “normal” activism, does put me in situations where people in both medical and mental health crisis do contact me, they do so, with my warning them to get IMMEDIATE professional help and I’ve never been contacted by someone who’s been in crisis but was at risk of harming another.

But I figured there was nothing to lose at this point, with writing this. It will be read by those who think similarly to me, but can’t say what I’ve said to potential murderers (which I’ve struggled in writing this, as well as debating on whether or not to pull this blog) , in the manner I thought it and thought that I had nothing to lose by expressing what I thought above, in writing.

For the whole fucking internet, to see. For hopefully a potential murderer to see. For people to think maybe I went to far or was being irrational myself, in what I’ve tried to do, that others will start a dialogue on what we initiatives we need to have in place, to try to reduce murder/suicide.

And if someone thinks they can do better, than letting a disabled blogger try this, HOPEFULLY YOU  WILL.

My thoughts and prayers, as always are with the victims, their families and friends left behind in these tragic deaths.

Note: I welcome all respectful differences of opinions. Especially professional insight. Anything not constructive will NOT be published. Anything that could potentially be a danger to another, including myself, will be forwared to appropriate parties.

One last thing, I do want to add and I couldn’t in good conscience put in the body of my blog. I used to volunteer at a battered woman’s shelter. On a crisis hotline, a long time ago.

And while the warnings are in place, should this be an issue/motive for the CA murder/suicide where if there is a past history of domestic violence and one partner leaves another (as this is not gender/sexuality specific issue) when a domestic violence victim leaves their abuser, can be the most dangerous if not DEADLY time, for the victim, in domestic situations, with past history of domestic violence.

Update: In San Bernardino murder/suicide there was a past history of domestic violence, in the history of the murderer, that information, which had NOT  been stated in the news articles I saw, at the time this blog was originally published.

Additional note/update/clarification: I had technical difficulties both with internet and WP as the time I wrote this blog. Edits I thought that took place, didn’t and unfortunately for my subscribers, where intent was definitely even harder to gauge, because of missing words, or such as in the case of the St. Paul murders, I had thought I updated the right day but it didn’t show when I published and I apologize for that.

The OTHER “O” Epidemic- Truths & Consequences regarding the Opiate Epidemic……

Note: Sometimes I have to digress to make a point, due to disabilities . I’m continually told as an activist but not a  clinically trained professional that my insights are valuable to others, by both patients AND clinically trained professional medical and mental health professionals who’s guidance and input I seek, both personally and in regards to the activism I do.

Because I realize that not only do I have to be my strongest advocate in my own care, but for those who don’t have a voice. Or those have consequences due to stigma due their own truths, for many reasons, personally and professionally.

While I will always strongly preface any of my (or anyone else’s) medical and mental health blogs that nothing can replace evaluation and treatment for  medical or mental health issues , in person, especially while a patient is  in crisis, the obstacles that both patients and clinically trained providers are up against,  will be clearly evidenced in this blog.

Here we go….

According to the National Safety Council, in 2015, over 38,000 people died due to traffic fatalities. Another 4 million people had to seek medical attention of some kind, due to being in a traffic accident.

That’s the largest increase in 50 years, which is quite alarming. While I could hypothosize the many reasons what’s played into that, such as distracted drivers, there’s probably many variables that I’m sure anyone could get more information on, by researching like I have, statistics from Department of Public Safety, National Highway Traffic Safety Adminstration and other related organizations.

This has to STOP. And the best chance of doing this is by making the manafacturing of cars and motorcycles, purchasing them and driving and riding in or on them, ILLEGAL. There are many options to reduce the need for cars and motorcycles these days.

People could take public transportation, people could live close to their workplaces and their children’s schools. There’s bicycles and of course walking which also has the added health benefits of exercise.

Although anything potentially on wheels, can have grave if not fatal consequences on people and people DIE everyday as a result of that.

Win/Win situation for EVERYONE, right? I mean everyone knows someone who has been seriously injured, if not sadly killed in a traffic accident.

THINK OF HOW MANY LIVES COULD BE SAVED IF WE BANNED MOTOR VEHICLES for the private sector and strongly regulate ANY form of private non motorized transit that’s on wheels?????….

And before you y’all think I lost what’s left of my mind and spelling abilities when I reference the “other O epidemic”, I know automobile is spelled a-u-t-o-m-o-b-i-l-e not o-t-t-o-m-0-b-i-l-e, and NO, that’s not what I’m really referencing or the reason for this blog.

The reason for this blog is the “Opioid Epidemic” and how the fear of both prescription opiates and illegal drugs is causing not only a war on drugs but a WAR on patients who need these medications, not only as a last resort but also as a long term solution for their severe chronic pain.

I don’t discount at all, from all different agencies, whether it be the CDC, NIH, FDA, SAMSHA and AMA, the concern about how many people are either accidently overdosing on prescription opiates, or it becomes a gateway to illegal drugs and not only the deaths that go along with an overdose with drugs like that, but what tragic deaths that also OCCURS, in the process from manafacturing, distribution and consumption of all these illegal drugs that are out there, is also killing thousands of  people.

In 2015, the death rate was approximately the same for drug overdoses as it was from traffic fatalities-approximately 33,000 people died from overdosing, annually.

People might think that I went way out of my way to be wordy ,with my ridiculous traffic analogy, but that’s what type of excuses are used by medical and mental health professionals when it comes to prescription medications, medications I’m talking about are prescription opiates.

I’ll give what I think the AMA and physicians, especially are up against as well as organizations in defense of them fearing narcotics:

Patients LIE to physicians and psychiatric professionals, like all the time. They also self medicate with medications for reasons such as trying to control emotional and mental health pain and mental health issues with both prescription narcotics and illegal ones. I mean I get that Oxycodone is meant for severe pain of a broken back, it ain’t meant for a broken heart or busted psyche.

OR patients due to barriers don’t realize they actually have both a physiological and psychological dependence on medications that DO make them more of  a risk for abuse, addiction and that addiction can ABSOLUTELY lead to both intentional and accidental overdose to either prescription opiate or illegal drugs.

Sometimes with the aid of alcohol contributing to that, sometimes, not.

I’ve also had friends die due to accidental illegal drug overdoses, very innocently starting off with severe chronic pain or medical emergencies that lasted a long time (such as what I do in the weight loss surgery community when it comes to long term severe complications status post gastric bypass, that’s what the reference of the “other O epidemic”, because I write about bariatric surgery and “Obesity”, on occasion) that started with prescription opiate needs that did cause them to become addicted to IV meds that they made their opioid  tolerance so high, they did end up transferring to illegal drugs such as Heroin, when not in weight loss surgery crisis and found themselves in a different kind of crisis with addiction and ended up looking for a dealer instead of help and accidentally overdosed and that’s devastating and tragic.

So it’s NOT that I don’t have an idea of the fears and consequences by the both professional medical,mental health providers, government and society in general,  when thinking about the consequences that these medications potentially come with.

Because I’m definitely NOT discounting at all how serious and real, this all is.

And that these medications and the potential consequences of abuse and addiction, can be fatal to patients and devastating to both providers AND loved ones who are left behind.

Physical pain is also VERY subjective at times as far as what’s considered to be unbearable pain.

Not to mention, statistically as most physicians (including my own, who does all my medication management) will state,  that the longer a patient is on narcotics, the more their medications are increased, eventually they will hit a wall, so to speak, where their tolerance will become so high that not only increases their chances of potential of addiction, abuse as well as both accidental and intentional overdose, it also counteracts the effectiveness of opioid medications and they will NO longer work. PERIOD.

Also, unfortunately, sometimes patients have a sudden adverse reaction to a narcotic even with perfect compliance. Even if they are on an opiate the first time or a short time.

This actually happened to me with Fentanyl (duragesic patch). When dealing with hospitalizations due to my gastric bypass from 2003 to 2011 and certain procedures IV Fentanyl would make a procedure barely bearable. And I would get bounceback migraines from it, which I do from any IV narcotic, as well as hives.

I was put on my 1st trial of the Fentanyl patch, almost 7 years ago in Spring of 2010 and couldn’t keep the patch on and was put on oral pain meds which I had been off for almost 2 years, due to the time I was in the system (I did get narcs when hospitalized for ulcers while in the system from 8-2008 to 1/2010. It also bears mentioning I got OVER $17k in backpay in 2 installments between late 12/2010 and mid 1-2010) and when off narcotics with money did NOT go looking for a dealer prior to being able to get treated again by  my long term PCP.

2nd trial of Fentanyl in Summer of 2011? Not so lucky, as the first where just one patch fell off and it was too problematic to wait another 72 hours, so I had also gotten a special adhesive to keep the patch on for 2nd trial (I was also allergic to the adhesive OF the Fentanyl patch) and 26 hours without any abuse, meaning I put patch on appropriately and as directed, projectile vomited the whole entire 26 hours which I spent in my bathroom and then went through FIVE days of hellacious opiate withdrawal.

That came with the NOT so fun side effects of intractable shaking , vomiting, sweating and auditory and visual hallucinations, which I’m not prone to with my particular mental health disabilities, when going through serious opiate withdrawal.

Which I’d caution ANYONE from going through any kind of withdrawal without medical supervision like I did.

This ALSO occurred from a low amount of  of Fentanyl, 25 mcg q 72 (meaning 25 micrograms every 72 hours). Because I’ve had adverse reactions to quite a few other medications in all different therapy classes, I already knew that unless I was at home or in a hospital, NEVER to start a new medication, unless I’m at home.

So the above is not meant to be a “patient” insight portal, I’ll make that point, soon enough.

Most of my doctors would agree, including my Primary Care Physician, who’s been my doctor for almost like 18 years now, does ALL my medication management would agree, I’m not easy patient to treat. I don’t have anything resembling a predictable outcome when it comes to both medicine as a science AND medicine, well from a pharmacology perspective.

Both my bariatric surgeon and my PCP have seen me bizarrely be completely lucid to medications that knock out most of their other patients and be practically knocked out by IV Compazene, which is anti-emetic, but I’m a difficult patient to medicate, overall due to how bizarrely I metabolize meds.

And most people don’t nearly die from technically performed perfect gastric bypasses, pregnancy and childbirth and IUDs like I nearly have. Most people don’t usually get as many adverse side effects as I do from a lot of medications, in all different therapy classes and delivery systems.

And it doesn’t help in my case, that medicating me for one aspect of my medical issues can cause a trigger or side effect for another.

But while I can say as an activist that some of us may be harder to treat with our own unique physiological makeups, from a patient perspective, we ALL are unique in our own way and deserve an individual patient tailored approach to medicine.

That’s where the silly car analogy that I used, isn’t so silly when you think about it. The hoops that severe chronic pain patients have to jump through now, who aren’t addicted and are honest about their narcotic usage, are going to possibly lose the ONE AND ONLY treatment option that does HELP.

And while I believe and will write in seperate blog, about the need for more treatment options when it comes to everything, those of us who are in need of long term solutions to managing our pain, have tried EVERY other non narcotic or even non medication treatment out there and pain medications are a last resort, it’s a last resort that we are seriously in danger  of losing completely.

I wish there could be more of an honest dialogue by both patients and providers in the evaluation of how to treat severe chronic pain that isn’t caused by a terminal disease, long term.

And for those who suffer from addiction issues to be forthcoming with their providers, that take in account their physiological and psychological makeup, because it isn’t fair that just because while thousands of people do habitually abuse controlled substances or are at risk for transferring to illegal drugs, will ruin it for those of us who aren’t at risk and this is not only a MAJOR quality of life issue, this becomes a potential life or death situation, in those of us who aren’t medicated at all or are undermedicated for our own unique physiological makeup but would NEVER obtain medications illegally.

Now in my case, I have very temporarily when in crisis both medically and  mentally, TWICE now in my life abused narcotics. Once for 5 days proceeding and including my suicide attempt in 2008 and 7 years ago, for 3 days when in medical and mental health crisis.

And I know if I’d EVER do that again, I’d be cut off. But we are talking a period of 8 days of non compliance total in a span of almost THIRTEEN years, that I’ve been on them.

IF though I really believed as a medical activist that drastically regulating narcotics would save people’s lives, I’d be the first one to defend that. I had a horrible outcome with a gastric bypass, I don’t tell people not to have bariatric surgery. I had 2 pregnancies and 1 delivery that nearly killed my daughter and I, when she was born, I don’t tell women not to get pregnant or have children on the offchance their lives will be endangered if they have a baby, and I also don’t tell women not to have IUDs given after what  I went through with Mirena.

And even though I was in a serious car accident in my late teens, I don’t tell people not to get in a car or drive in one, even though I witness reckless behavior with drivers, EVERYTIME  I leave my home.

And if I’m going to be honest, I think Fentanyl IS an EVIL drug. And I couldn’t truthfully say that if I didn’t go sick from it, that even with compliance on it, that for how I reacted once I was able on my 2nd trial to keep a patch on for longer than an hour that if I could become physically addicted being compliant on such a small amount, it was nothing short of a blessing to me, that I got so sick to be spared an addiction of that nature.

More bizarrely, as physically sick that I became on it and with going through opiate withdrawal, I remember one thing that stands out.

It actually DID treat the pain that it was prescribed for me, it just wasn’t worth it, obviously, due to the nature of the horrific side effects.

But at the heart of the matter, all the stringent regulations and elimination of usage of opioids in pain management, could possibly do is actually kill more people. If people have a predisposition to addiction or even if they don’t, those who can’t  obtain  prescription opiate drugs legally will obtain them illegally.

And with these medications being eliminated will only create a market for more illegal medications to be manafactured and distributed.

OR you’ll have patients like me, who has to take an enormous NSAIDs to get the effect of the high strength but very controlled in doses of opioid medications, that I’m on, I’m feeling that I and others like me are  being sentenced to die as a result of that.

Because it’s not realistic that those of us who are narcotic compliant and have exhausted non opioid treatment therapies are just going to take NOTHING for severe chronic pain that already greatly limits our lives.

My heart hurts though for those, like myself who’ve lost cherished family members and friends due to opioid abuse.

But banning opioids or stringently regulating them, isn’t going to save lives until we address further the human nature of addiction, with a patient tailored approach to medicine which we are sorely lacking, is going to increase the danger of illegal drug abuse, addiction and fatality, it’s not going to reduce it, without a more through dialogue between patients and providers and government.

In the meantime, I make NO apologies for being both angry and terrified that I fought so hard to stay alive, to make this little crappy life of mine have some meaning, where I’m going to die a long drawn out physically even MORE  painful unnecessary death due to NSAID usage, when I’ve been 99.9% of the time medication compliant on opiates, which I’m still on, but not for much longer.

So this is going to make things a lot worse, not just for me, but millions of other people with severe chronic pain who aren’t terminal, until we can have an honest dialogue about human nature and addiction and have better treatment options for so many physical and mental health diseases, syndromes and issues that actually don’t cause more problems than they create.

I’m in NO way saying, that there shouldn’t be regulations in place, such as having systems in place for those who “doctor shop” or illegally obtain prescriptions and/or use multiple pharmacies to get scripts for abuse, addiction or to illegally sell on the black market. I’m also not saying that prescription opiates shouldn’t be a very last resort in treating severe chronic pain.

I am not adverse to being drug tested or that others should be  and I think it could help if we could talk about as a society, addiction and abuse should that happen, that patients don’t get penalized if they aren’t engaging in illegal behaviors or that present a danger to themselves or others, of being able to tell their physicians that.

But at the rate we’re going in society, thinking that eliminating prescription opiate usage as a last resort for some of us, making them INACCESSIBLE ,  is going to be present a bigger threat to our safety and lives, than the usage of these medications could ever be a threat to us.

Note: Respectful disagreement of opinion or in dialogue, encouraged. Disrespectful comments will not be published. Thanks….

Also note, this is where somewhat of an explanation of my perspective, is helpful to have a balanced dialogue. And why I couldn’t just write as an activist “Don’t eliminate prescription drugs for everyone because not everyone abuses” wouldn’t do anything for the cause,  other than being concise, BECAUSE, I freely admit, I have EVERYTHING to lose, especially my life, at this point…..


How many more CHILDREN have to be MURDERED, by their PARENT/S before we try to do something about it???

Note: I’m NOT  a clinically trained professional. In ANY capacity either medically or mentally.  I can’t stress ENOUGH, that if YOU or anyone you know is capable of causing mental or physical harm or death in another, please seek out help from clinically trained professionals and law enforcement, IMMEDIATELY.

Update: 12 hours after I wrote the following, the 911 tape was released where the father admitted to killing his children but letting his wife live to “let her suffer like he has”.
It doesn’t change the need for dialogue about these horrific tragedies and a need for prevention, that’s why I’m not altering in any other way, this particular blog.

I’ve taken a break, obviously from writing about serious matters that mean a lot to me. The reasons don’t matter as much as what I’ve tried to say in the past about homicides  and suicides and their causes and then just reading about ANOTHER one, a few minutes ago.

I was having a  fairly low key weekend for me and while that doesn’t matter from what I’m trying to address in this blog, it matters because I wish I didn’t have to come back as a medical and mental health activist to write a blog about ANOTHER parent killing his children, whether or not when he shot his wife, IF it was an attempt to kill her, which I’m not sure that’s the case, because he made sure his 16 year old twins died and then killed himself, in Illinois, this weekend on Friday.

This is NOT a gender specific blog when it comes to parental murder/suicides . Mothers do kill their children, too. In similar circumstances and for different reasons.

I’m not a clinically trained professional in matters of medical and mental health reasons. If you haven’t ever read a blog written before about me, I’m ALL  about trying to remove stigma, especially as a mother who’s had mental health issues that had consequences on my children, not intentionally, violently or chaotically  or even irrovocably, but it still happened anyways.

Unfortunately, people snap more violently and with irreovocable and tragic consequences in these instances, which are becoming more and more common about a parent/s killing their child or children, the other parent, when going through the ending of a relationship, even if there wasn’t a past history of abuse by that parent, either with their children or their spouse.

And that’s exactly what this blog is about. To start a dialogue to remove stigma to see if there is ANY chance on preventing this from happening over and over again.

While I’m not in a position to give end of relationship advice or parenting advice, I wish that my thinking “Love your children more than HATING their other parent” would work.

Unfortunately, that isn’t probably going to work. And I’m not concentrating in this case, about domestic assault from one partner to another. Not that doesn’t break my heart either, when it comes to adults finding that their love of their loves pose the greatest threat to not only their physical and mental health well being, but their lives.

And for as many resources that are in place for discussion, for resources for the battered physically and emotionally, as well as those who are killed whether they stay or leave their batterer and obviously there’s more need for support for that, too.

It’s obvious we just have a lot more work to do, as a society, as it’s becoming more commonplace for batters to not just kill their partner or the other parent, but to punish in their warped minds, of killing their own children as retribution, if there isn’t multiple reasons that they do that, which I’m sure there is.

But IF there is NO  previous history of battering or domestic violence in deaths of these nature and/or IF there IS, and there IS initiatives to prevent these or start a dialogue about them, we need to know.

And we need to talk about this. NOW. And do something to try and prevent these horrific senseless tragedies from happening, more often, by having major initiatives in place, for prevention of children now being murdered by their parents, during a marital/relationship breakup.

If I’m missing something as a disabled activist, please help me and others by sharing the initiatives that are already in place for evaluation, treatment and help for these families.

IF,  a parent who actually mentally went through a dark period where this was a potential issue for them but somehow, was able to realize the potential of the irrovocable  horrific consequences to their children who loved them the most , but were planning on harming them, but got help or got better someway, maybe they could talk about this, without being stigmatized, to give society, both just regular people and professionals on the mindset that happens in these tragedies but before they happen.

And insight on how, if in ANY way to prevent these from happening, over and over again.

This actually did happen in Minnesota, where I reside, in an upscale suburb in Fall of 2015. Where an upscale business man shot and killed his children, then his wife, before killing himself. I didn’t say anything, because, like today, I still don’t have the right words that can help. I’m only limited as a disabled activist in bringing attention to matters like this. And only to a certain extent.

As much as I hate as a human being, to read of these stories, I can’t imagine what it’s like for these families to die by a parent and that’s their LAST thought, as they take their LAST breaths. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the other parent, knowing that their children are going to die, they may die, they can’t do anything to prevent or protect  or what to me is almost worse, they will live, knowing that their signficant other did this to punish them in the worst way possible that goes beyond the scopes of any and most people’s imagination and worst nightmares.

I hope we can find a way as a society to prevent ANY and ALL domestic violence, as well as deaths. We have a lot of work to do but the best way to start, is NOT to pretend this isn’t happening because it’s just too horrific to think about.

I appreciate any insight or any dialogue that will contribute to trying to prevent these tragedies.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their loved ones, in this horrific tragedy and the ones that proceeded.

And IF,  I’m  to be truthful, even though I do advocate for suicide prevention, I don’t have ANY empathy for people who are responsible for homicides then commit suicide.

In this case, I’m not sorry to say, I wish they would just take themselves out and leave the innocents, especially, in cases the innocents who love them more than anything but die because of them.

Also note: You can’t defend those who commit homicide, then suicide to me. Please don’t even TRY . Knock yourself out, if you want to try or feel free and send HATE to me. Better to do that to me, I can take it, I just hope someone wouldn’t be such a miserable piece of crap to do this to the loved ones who have to deal with these horrific but these cannot continue to remain “unspeakable”  tragedies, any longer, other than the news it generates, very shocking but ONLY  temporarily.


What President Trump can do IMMEDIATELY for the poverty stricken families on welfare living in squalor, working poor who are homeless living in their cars in the carnage filled inner cities ALL OVER AMERICA and those who will lose insurance when the ACA is repealed…

He’s such a GENIUS that I can’t believe that President Trump didn’t think of  this himself.

Thank goodness he’s got this medically and mental health disabled activist and advocate for the medically and mentally disabled to think about this for him. Because I know he’s got all these things going on, so I decided to help him out a bit.

I also dabble as an activist for the homeless.

He’s got all these big businesses.Well his SONS do, now.  Especially in real estate and in hospitality. No better place to start offering free high quality daycare on site on his properties for all his employees and hiring the single mothers who are on welfare by not only helping them out by hiring them.

But also by offering them a livable wage and a full comprehensive health benefits package and free tuition to colleges and full 90 day paid maternity leave for these mothers, should they get pregnant and free high quality daycare  for ALL employees.

Whether an employee is hired  in housekeeping, low level management or ANY position within the family’s multiple businesses.

And the whole country can’t be completely in total carnage and squalor. Downtown Minneapolis while it has it’s problems it’s thriving. I mean I may find all the construction down here, kinda annoying, but that does speak of growth.

When I’ve been to Nevada, New York and Florida, his properities certainly aren’t in these kind of really sad and scary  neighborhoods that he addressed over and over again, in his inaugral speech. And to get these poor families immediately out of these areas, he certainly has the real estate and hotels that I’m sure has vacancies that can provide at least tempory housing to these poor families as they work on themselves, by employment in his establishments and higher education and quality daycare to do that when working part-time and in school.

And of course to get these poor families in the gang ridden crime filled squalor cities into safer places. Such as in his, I mean his sons’s beautiful housing and hotel portfolio.

And it’s a good thing he’s got such hardworking mega-wealthy friends with businesses, because they can do the same thing.

And in his family run businesses and his friends who run uber successful businesses, I’m sure their employees have top notch health insurance without problems that people who work in other companies where they might have to worry about pre-existing conditions. Or having substandard coverage and expensive premiums.

Or like those of us on the ACA, Medicare and Medicaid.

SO, when they repeal the ACA, in addition the businesses that the Trump Organization owns and his super successful wealthy friends own, they should have no problem hiring all those who will lose their health insurance and have trouble either working full time but I’m sure that all of them could at least work part-time for their insurance and of course because they are going to have top notch health insurance without worry of higher premiums or no coverage for pre-existing conditions, like those people with cancer, people  needing organ transplants and or costly life saving medications.

Because he’s made it clear he’s not going to create the disaster that he considers Obamacare and the easiest way to do that, is by starting first creating inexpensive comprehensive health insurance benefits within his family’s businesses and those of his high powered friends.

Genius!!! Not President Donald J. Trump, GENIUS. But not bad for the complex disabled chick, right?

Right now, I am sure I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about, as President Trump did promise he would absolutely NOT touch Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.

And while I did make a snarky comment in my last blog, about the ironic coincidence of my Downtown Minneapolis address being the same as his Midtown Manhattan one, and while I’m disabled enough to need an enormous amount of time alone, between severe chronic pain, mental health issues, short and long term memory loss, on the VERY remote chance, President Trump and the Republican House and Senate, should change their mind, I’m sure that the Trump Organization can find room for me, too.

Both accomodating my disability that effects me 95% of the time when I pretty much can’t do ANYTHING, by finding me a great position with amazing benefits in either NYC or D.C. and amazing housing within his family’s vast business empire.

Sadly only about a maximum of 5% of the time, I’m an absolute sorta  genius. But I ABSOLUTELY  could have a lot to offer in that 5% of the time that I’m not incapicated by disabilities, doing TERRIFIC things  in his family’s business.

Well maybe, somewhat terrific, not MAGNIFICENT work like him and his family and friends.

So while I can’t worry about that, losing the little that I have, at this present time. For myself, anyways. I am feeling better, should he and Congress eliminate my SSDI, Medicare, Medicaid and affordable housing.

Not just for myself but for those who are like me, in similar circumstances.

As I’m sure being the  shrewd negotiator, that I am, 1% of the time, I can imagine to land a great position and I would expect to have the same address in New York, that I do in Minneapolis. I’m not delusional though. I don’t expect a PENTHOUSE.

A free or inexpensive  but beautiful 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom apartment in Trump Tower on 5th Avenue (corner unit, please)  would work just fine. As well of course, a top notch private school for my  almost 14 year old daughter who will be starting high school, next year. With the tuition for that, being part of my benefits package. And I would expect a decent position for my 24 year old, who already works in a financial instituition as part of as incentive (I’m thinking my son could EASILY work side to side with Don and Eric) to hire the absolute kinda  genius that I am, 1-5% of the time, when I’m not dealing with all this disability and pain crap.

President Trump really needs to get on this immediately!!! He’s more than welcome to take the credit for it, because he, well not him, as it’s a conflict of interest when it comes to my working, but for making this a probability to save all these families on welfare who live in squalor or who are homeless, by piloting programs that I’ve suggested in his already super successful pre-existing organizations.

And those of his super successful uber wealthy friends.

Because unfortunately, if he doesn’t take me up on this amazing best of the best idea, that I just outlined in this blog, 20 million people who are going to be at serious  risk losing livlihoods and their lives, should Obamacare be repealed before being replaced, which he did PROMISE that wouldn’t happen. And I know President Donald Trump ALWAYS keeps his promises!!!

Best. Idea. Ever. Right???

p.s. I’m sure if there isn’t much attrition in the Trump businesses, the Kushners would be super HAPPY to have me. I even remember enough Ivrit, to say the blessing for the wine. Although in my case, I’m gonna find out the hebrew word for rum, as I think that’s what it’s gonna take for me to get through the next 4 years…..

Note: While I’ve always said in the past that my blog while isn’t a dictatorship, it ain’t a democracy, either. So it’s possible I may post a comment that I don’t like or it’s possible that I won’t.

But I’ll work harder not to be flip flopping all the time. Inspired by the steadfast open mindedness and encouragement of free speech, in our current adminstration…………

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