It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘appearance shaming’ Category

The horrible messages that society and the media SHOULD NOT be promoting, when discussing Harvey Weinstein, rapists, rape victims, assault and sexual harassment….

http://www.rainn.org

Trigger Warnings: If you or someone you know is in danger of hurting someone else, please seek acute medical/mental health treatment and or contact law enforcement. If you’ve been a victim of rape or sexual harassment know that in addition to the links above, that there are multiple avenues of support for people to get support and recover from the trauma physically and mentally that this can cause, if in acute need, please get acute help from a professional, in an appropriate setting. The same could be said, though if it happened a long time ago and have decided to get support, now.

Goddamn it!!!

I didn’t want to  have to write this blog. I thought for how much discussion about rape and sexual harassment was being discussed by public figures I adore, I wouldn’t have to say the following, below.

That someone I’d adore who’s in the public eye,would bring this up, but sadly that hasn’t been the case, so here we go…

I like most people (and being an activist who tries to remove stigma) has been horrified like most decent people, when it came out that Harvey Weinstein, a powerful Hollywood mogul had raped, sexually assaulted and harassed multiple women for decades, both actresses, female reporters and other women have now come forward.

Since the story broke, it’s leading to a very necessary dialogue we have to have as a society regarding rape and sexual harassment, both in the workplace and out of it.

It’s easy to go for the jugular, or in this case, above and below Harvey Weinstein’s  neck, as far as making derogatory statements that are justified about what he did, but also what he looks like.

And that is the REASON for this blog. In seeing in the media the jokes about his looks and his weight, sends a HORRIBLE multi-complex message, to perpetrators and victims alike, that while his money and power was something that allowed him to get away with despicable crimes he perpetuated on his victims,for decades. And if the looks and fat shaming of a rapist, if that reasoning for hate on rapists or murderers existed, exclusive to that population, ALONE, I probably wouldn’t lose much sleep at night, but it isn’t and that mindset hurts millions of innocent people regardless of their size.

Let me explain.

As it  sends a very misguided and dangerous message that only not attractive men are perps in these horrible crimes but that only conventionally attractive or beautiful women can ONLY be victims.

Rape and sexual harassment can have victims of both women and men. That isn’t being questioned. It shouldn’t be perpetuated in any form that someone who is not considered by society’s stringent standards of beauty, that people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive aren’t victims.

We saw this exemplified last year, when women spoke out against Donald Trump, who had said to the effect of “Look at her, like I’d even want that?!?!”.

I’m in no way wanting to change the good that’s coming out of the national dialogue about rape and sexual harassment both in the workplace and outside of it.

It just needs to be expanded on and it needs to include that we have to have to establish and educate that both rapists and their victims can be of all ages, all genders and all shapes, sizes, personal and professional relationships and within consideration of what’s considered attractive and in all socio-economic backrounds.

That we need to educate people on how to get help for their predatory violent behavior and have resources in place for that, in helps for prevention.

We have to have more resources and a safer and evolved society that realizes that there are victims of all ages, genders, races, religions and shapes and sizes.

And to start this education, from the time people are young.

I remember when I was 25, as a young mother participating in Early Childhood Family Education, that we once watched a video, about “Stranger Danger” of how to teach our children that you cannot go by the way someone looks, to determine whether or not is a danger. I really wish something like that existed now, where it’s more needed than ever.

When I was raped, at the age of 26,  I didn’t say anything because I was fat single mother of 1 and my rapist was someone who was considered attractive, as well as accomplished.

I didn’t think anyone would believe me and in my life, other than a blog or two, where I only started mentioning it, was because a rape victim, who was victimized repeated at a young age by her brother, had gone viral.

I only personally healed from that, unconventionally, because I spared myself further trauma by NOT talking about it. Because I could chalk up my rapist as an asshole, as in my case, he didn’t know anything but my name and my phone number. I couldn’t have beared to put what I went through out there to the  people who I care about and risk whatever unsupportive thing they may have had to say about it.

And that’s AWFUL, as it applies to me. And I can’t be the only person who’s had to have that mindset.

I feel obviously then, heartbreakingly awful for the victims of any rape, incest, physical assault and sexual harassment. I think that the bravery of Harvey Weinstein’s victims or anyone who comes forward is commendable, but also and his victims stories and his heinous actions, have to be the start of a much more comprehensive dialogue on rape and rape victims, where ALL victims of rape,incest  and sexual harassment can safely tell their experiences and have the opportunity for support and healing.

But we can’t make inroads of prevention of rape,incest  and sexual harassment without more resources for discussing openly on the complex multi-faceted why people rape and sexual harass without blaming their victims and to have treatment options before they ever offend. That perpetrators and victims are of all ages, genders, sexual preference, races, religion, socio-economics, individual perceptions of attractiveness and shapes and sizes.

Note: I have both as an activist and a personal investment in the reasons that played in the need for me to write this blog. If you want to find out how much hate there is, towards unconventional people who are victims of rape and physical assault, try looking for a meme, like I did, before writing this blog.

It’s a bunch of hateful bullshit that makes mockery of the idea of rape in people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive fat or thin. That’s hurtful to any human being who’s been violated physically and/or emotionally with rape and harassment and it hurts everyone.

Additional Note/Clarification/Edited after receiving anonymous hate:

I didn’t realize I had to spell out what happened to me, personally, of what I define as rape. I normally don’t do this, because not only do I have parents on the internet, so are my children.

I met someone unfortunately in their home, on 1/1/1996, a blind date, that was supposed to lead to going out to lunch. I realized the very second, I walked into that man’s home, that I made a mistake, it was a gut instinct and said I had a headache and needed to go home. He forcefully  grabbed by the arm and said I wasn’t going anywhere. I said please no, but I didn’t fight him, because he said he wouldn’t hurt me if I gave him what he wanted and kept  quiet.

So the specifics of my rape was forceful vaginal and anal penetration that led to bleeding and oral that led to gagging that I held back my vomit, to not further upset him. Did he beat me up or cause any further injury other than when he grabbed my arm and then physically violated me, that way? NO. When he was done, he said I could go and I left.

I couldn’t cry or show being upset, right after it happened,  either, when I left, because I had to pick up my 2 1/2 year old son, who was being babysat by my parents. I couldn’t cry or be upset, when I got home, because I didn’t want to upset my son. I went to work the next day and went on with my life. I was NOT okay, for the first 6 months afterwards, but I couldn’t show it.

This is what I mean when and why people are afraid go forward with their stories about rape and sexual assault. IF a woman is attractive, she’s asking for it. Or there’s many other consequences such as the victims of Harvey Weinstein, have showed why those women didn’t say anything.

If she’s not considered attractive and deemed unfuckable, by most people, it’s not believable an attractive accomplished man would do that. And if both attractive people and people who aren’t considered attractive, they get blamed should they press charges, if the charges stick and they are put on trial, right along with the people who commit these crimes. And it’s worse now that victims get tried in the court of social media.

Unless people are more evolved and understand the dynamics of rape and sexual harassment. It’s about humiliation. It’s about power, regardless of socio-economics. Rapists and sexual harassers can be parents, they can be children of any age, they can be family members, spouses and significant others, they can be doctors, teachers, fellow students, friends, police officers, members of the clergy of any religion, among many other populations.

I guess if someone felt the need to question in a derogatory way, I hope they only chose me. I hope they realize the harm, because it wasn’t asked in an innocent way, that I don’t choose to talk about the specifics of it normally, the little I do now, as an activist who works with people who have PTSD issues as a result of both childhood and adult trauma, because it isn’t helpful to either myself or who I’m trying to help as I don’t want people in medical and mental health crisis, to have to worry about me, as well as what I said about my parents and my kids being on the internet.

So whoever felt that need to do that, congratulations for not being a rapist or someone who’s capable of violent crime.

You still are an asshole that could work on your regard and trying to have empathy or at least apathy, for human beings, because if you can’t be part of the solution, don’t try to make people’s problems worse for them!!!

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IF a picture is worth a thousand words…

Then lucky for you, my dear reader…….

This blog should then be 2,000 words less than what I’m kinda known for.

Anyhoo, my boyfriend and I were at Target yesterday and when walking near the Halloween section, I saw the most awesome thing ever, that can kind of convey of how I feel most of the time, without like using all these words…..

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Anyone who knows me really well, knows I HATE Halloween (you’ll havta read my blog on the “candy bandit” for more deets on that).

However I often use other people’s responses to me whether it be just normal folks or medical and mental health providers, about the look when I tell them the more unusual aspects of my life,  as “Imagine you were looking at a unicorn on CRACK!!!”..

HOWEVER, for someone who’s had some really “unusual” aspects in their life and HATES Halloween, I usually like having both devil horns and a halo, as an accessory at times.

I also find that I get less pestered in this big diverse city of mine, when I’m wearing devil horns on any day other than Halloween, I don’t get asked for money, smokes, drugs and/or  sex.

It’s also a good representation of what people get with me.

Treat me respectfully and I’ll do so in kind, but if you treat you me like crap, then I can sometimes respond (verbally) like a demon from hell, as exhibited in pic below.

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I actually did buy the “devil horns” that I’m featured wearing above, yesterday. And way to go, Target, as they were cool and fairly inexpensive, given the fact that “My Target” is their flagship store, right next to global corporate headquarters, and in addition to their costs being higher not related to just operating costs, because they lack competition.

EVEN after a 10 million dollar renovation, which included  a major grocery expansion, they still manage to run out of the 3 out of 6 things, I regularly wanna buy, but in the meantime I have about EIGHTY options for organic milk (ain’t an organic or milk peep) that drives me nuts.

But I digress…. Point I’m trying to make, is while I’m unusual, as well as my circumstances, I’m not the most unusual person on the planet.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to either treat people with kindness or apathy, which is HOW I choose to operate, unless I’m really being put on the defense (as exhibited in many blogs on here), which is exhausting.

Especially for someone who avoids social media and people in general but cares about human beings well being, with good intentions.

Anyways, wish me luck this Halloween season. While I was grateful to have a photo option to finally explain how I feel that I’m perceived, Halloween in general, especially in Minneapolis, is widely celebrated for many weekends leading up to it.

Fun Fact: The unicorn  costumed peeps will equally scare the HELL out of me, like the Zombies costumed peeps, will!!!!

Picture Palooza (for my haters) …..

Unbelievable!!! Of just how much HATE I get for what I weigh and what I look like…

I can’t figure out for sure, if I’m getting out, of what I put in the digital universe, as far as hate on me for what I look like and what I weigh at times (which fluctuates) given the fact I support bariatric surgery, support people though not to have it, as well as not fat shaming or that people have to lose weight to be accepted as size and fat acceptance advocate and I abhor thin shaming, just as much as I hate fat shaming.

I will NEVER understand how people hate on others, not before the digital age and certainly now while in it.

For people who like me for what I try to do to dispel stigma or like me, because I’m like a human being who wears a metaphoric “hair shirt” on the internet for free, so people might benefit from things I at times, learn the hardest way possible, I’m not looking for compliments, and I appreciate your support.

I hope I NEVER have to do something like this again, this IS pathetic (not me, MY HATERS!!!)

Where to find me:

Facebook-   Lisa Kasen Facebook profile is public, not dumb enough to allow non Facebook buds to be able to comment on posts…

Twitter-   UnstapledLisa

Instagram-  unstapledlisa

ObesityHelp/oh.com- LisaK/UnstapledLisa

Bariatric Pal-  Lisa Kasen/UnstapledLisa

Pinterest- unstapledlisa

LinkedIn: Lisa Kasen

I could only wish that people would find me, because they had good intentions, but whether intentions are good or bad, I’m rarely on social media!!!

 

 

 

 

STIGMA IS AS STIGMA DOES- Honoring the legacy of Carrie Fisher, the activist and amazing human being almost 6 months after her death….

I knew I’d eventually get around to writing a blog about Carrie Fisher’s death, I knew that 48 hours after she died and then her mother, Debbie Reynolds, passed on, that I would, I knew I probably would wait until all the media attention regarding Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds’s deaths had subsided.

Unfortunately though, the coroner’s full report was made public, regarding Carrie’s death, a few days ago and now her death for all the wrong reasons, is back all over the media.

There has been NO ONE celebrity, actually NO ONE HUMAN BEING,  that has done more to remove stigma about mental health and drug addiction, than Carrie Fisher.

In my last blog of 2016, which was written before her death and were few and far between, I did talk about Prince’s death. As well as most of my blogs of this year have been super serious between trying to start a dialogue about the super stigmatized subjects such as murder/suicide and the opiate epidemic.

This is where things get kinda  tricky for me, to keep on talking about removing stigma regarding mental health and the opioid epidemic, as they do go hand in hand.

While it’s possible to have mental health issues and not have an opioid addiction, it’s not vice versa, and I know better than anyone, to know how lucky to have escaped that, as far as I’m concerned.

But being the activist that I am, I have to choose my words, kind of carefully. I’m not a psychological or medically trained professional, the only reason why I’m writing yet another blog that involves opiates, is because I don’t think that what was in Carrie Fisher’s body at the time of her death, is what necessarily killed her.

The coroner’s report can’t be conclusive of that, for the matter. I will go out on a limb and say that I think that stigma kept Carrie Fisher silent this time, regarding being back on drugs. I think we live in a society where actresses, even if they are beloved legends, aren’t supposed to age or gain weight.

Even actresses who are legends like Carrie Fisher has been, the last 40 years. Add bipolar disorder and a past history that she shared quite freely regarding drugs and alcohol, that unfortunately with most of the psychotropics that are used to treat mental health issues cause excessive weight gain.

I know that better than anyone, that’s how I was able to gain almost 100 lbs, in under 2 years even with serious gastric bypass complications that while I’d crave massive amounts of food, I hadn’t had a prayer of being able to eat enough or keep anything down, to gain that amount of weight.

And while I’ve said in past blogs and it’s true, being fat again after weight loss surgery wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to me, I’m NOT in the public eye, either.

Absolute NO ONE gives a crap about what I have to say, what I look like when I say ( well except from a few haters).

Which is something I’m extremely grateful for.

Which was one luxury and neccessity that Carrie Fisher NEVER had, when fighting her own demons that caused her to have those drugs in her system, at the time of her death.

Unfortunately and heartbreakingly whatever reasons she had, died with her.

Carrie Fisher, in the last year or 2, in her life both doing publicity for her last book and for Episode VII would make a joke, which now in hindsight, is NOT  funny in the slightest. She’d joke about that they only wanted to hire “3/4th of her” and she was expected to lose some weight to be able to be cast in the Star Wars franchises, 35+ years after the first one.

I can’t help but think that being on tour and living in a society that’s so weight and looks obessed had some part in her returning to using drugs and not being able to talk about it, before her death

While she felt compelled in the past to talk about mental health and drug abuse to remove stigma, there’s only so many times when celebrities regress, that they can help without risking their careers and I think that’s what Carrie was up against, should she have sought treatment, again.

I, unfortunately am not even 1/100th of the activist that Carrie Fisher was. I can’t act, I can’t sing and I obviously am not a thriving writer.

And the last thing I want to do as an activist is concentrate on the circumstances of her death. I’d rather concentrate on how she lived her life. Being an amazing activist, actress, writer and singer.

But it does haunt me that for someone who did so much to try and remove stigma, that she possibly died in part, because of stigma regarding mental health, drug addiction and relapses, not just necessarily due to mental health and drug addiction.

But because of the looks obsessed society we now live in.

So hence, the reasons for this blog. To try and remove stigma by creating an honest dialogue about addiction, in hopes of it saving lives. To try and create a dialogue of needing more treatment options that don’t have horrible side effects where that people don’t have to choose between gaining a lot of weight and their sanity, as well as other medications in therapy classes that have almost more adverse side effects than they eradicate in both medical and mental health issues.

We need to be able to have honest and open dialogue between patients and providers. We need as a society that anyone who is struggling with drug addiction can be able to talk about it without stigma. Which there is still so much stigma out there, that people are willing to risk their lives, by finding a dealer versus a medical and/or mental health professional.

We need to stop putting pressure on human beings to be at a weight that is not feasible for them. And to stop putting pressure on both women and men (although this does happen more to women) of expecting them to not age, and expecting them look like the did in their 20’s, when they are in their  early 60’s.

But we don’t have a prayer of eradicating deaths and all the life ruining issues that are still around due to STIGMA.

STIGMA IS AS STIGMA DOES…IT HURTS AND IT KILLS…

Rest In Peace, our beloved badass Jedi Princess Carrie Fisher…..
And Rest In Peace, Debbie Reynolds, an amazing activist and entertainer…..

Note: Comments that are potentially triggering to anyone will NOT be published….

The Project Harpoon peeps can go FUCK themselves…..

Most of my social media buds (as well as offline/ “in real life” peeps) know I don’t go online Fridays. They also know that I’m not easily shocked, given my circumstances.

I don’t know why, when I came back online Saturday morning of the 22nd of August, that I was horrified to hear about a community of haters who photoshop large people into being thinner, under the guise of trying to shame people into “better health”.

I actually did write a blog about the opposite happening, a little over 6 months ago, when an artist who has a BBW fetish, photoshopped thin celebrities into being fat, which while I didn’t love that, it isn’t nearly as hurtful as these pieces of shit, who hate under the guise of health.

If I have to say this a MILLION times, I will. Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance isn’t a conspiracy to make thin people fat. It’s a movement that anyone of any size should get behind for multiple reasons. Such as it’s not right to hate any classification for any reason (as I find thin bullying/bashing just as repugnant as fat bashing), but that fat bashing is still so socially acceptable, if not embraced. Fat phobia and fat bigotry also harms thin people, as we’ve demonized fat, so much in our society, that people die of Anorexia, because they think that being fat is the worst thing to happen to a person, so they’d rather risk dying by not eating, then risk being fat (note: Anorexia Nervosa is a complex psychological disorder that goes beyond the little of what I’m defining it as, the same could be said for Obesity, which I personally, don’t think being fat in itself, is being in a diseased state, unlike most of my fellow weight loss surgery peers and most of society. I’d believe it is a complex medical and mental health disease as it applies to those who elect to have bariatric surgery ).

Let’s get something straight, right off the bat. Any community that calls themselves “Project Harpoon” and resorts to using  hate and shame tactics to shaming fat people, doesn’t like the majority of human beings on the earth, and have to be the most fucked up, pathetic pieces of shit, that could possibly walk the earth.

People who do care about weight being a possible health issue, but care about people, would NEVER resort to hateful tactics like these pieces of shit are doing.

I’m not linking any of their hateful bullshit. Not going to risk that someone is going to profit from hatred of people from clicking on their links . I can only hope that people keep reporting their hateful antics and their sites , as hate speech.

Lastly…. And again, I’m repeating myself. You cannot gauge health based upon size or weight. You also can’t tell what people have tried to do to lose weight. Whether it be in my case where I had a bariatric surgery that FAILED me (but still defend bariatric surgery as an intervention for weight loss and understand the multiple reasons why people elect to have bariatric surgery) or the fact that I know people who’ve had weight loss surgery, lose hundreds of pounds but are still not considered thin by society, and they get judged harshly.

But NO ONE should have to feel that they have to lose weight to get respect and not be hated.

NEWS FLASH for fat phobic bigots. You don’t find a fat person attractive? That’s fine. But instead of bashing what you HATE, try apathy for that, as well as just concentrating on what you like. The world is a way too negative place, now a days to begin with. Also it might shock the fat phobic bigots that for some of us, especially women, while I’m heavy enough to be fat, I’m a “baby fat” (I’m about a size 12/14 on average) so I’m too fat for men who only like thin women . For true BBW admirers, I’m not fucking fat ENOUGH. And I’m not the only one who’s had to deal with bullshit stuff like that. Thank goodness there’s people of both genders who can appreciate people without being hateful to what they are NOT attracted to, regardless of how thin or fat, someone is.

Fucking UNBELIEVABLE!!! If  CANCER got as much attention as being fat does, there would fucking be a cure for it, by now.

Note: I am too fucking pissed to be able to write about this, WITHOUT using profanity. I’m hoping that when I’m not as outraged, I can post something that can be possibly shared, if people read this, think it has merit, but don’t feel comfortable sharing because of the profanity.

Same rules apply, people are allowed to respectfully disagree with me as it applies to weight. I will NOT publish any posts that are in support of Project Harpoon.

How to handle people when you’re the DUFF/Ugly Hurts part 2

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I’ve also  FUCKING had enough of body and looks shaming in my offline life….

The acronym DUFF will mean 2 separate things on this blog….

It will either mean Designated Ugly Fat Friend

OR Disabled Ugly Fat Female………..

Both in using to describe how I feel in society, at times or by peers, justifiably so, as it’s not just my body dysmorphia that’s driving this, it’s what strangers and peers tell me about the appearance bullying that they’ve been subjected to.  What others say and as well as what kind of looks I get,  as well as others, when out in public. And because I’m not alone in being treated this way, I decided to make this a blog and do activism for, rather than just rant about it, privately.

I was a VERY busy girl on Saturday. However because of one of my health issues, which is literally being allergic to the sun AND humidity, the second I leave my house, whether I take an effort to get ready or just shower and throw clothes on, whether I’m outside for 5 minutes or 5 hours, on a hot sunny day, I look like I was left in an oven at 550 degrees, for about 6 hours.

It’s embarrassing, and I’d be lying, if I didn’t say that from April to November, unless I’ve stayed inside all day or only have gone out for a few minutes at a time, where I’ve been in air conditioning places, I will profusely sweat, due to allergy to sun and heat sensitivity.

There’s NOTHING I can do, to prevent this. It’s a medical health issue and it’s getting worse as I get older. It has NOTHING to do with my weight, as I didn’t have this problem with sun sensitivity or sweating too much, at my heaviest before or after my gastric bypass. And after for how many times I’ve nearly died for medical reasons, I refuse to hide myself.

Anyhow, I had a busy day on Saturday and ended up going out Saturday night. By the time I went to a bar to meet friends, I’d been up since 3:30 a.m. , early Saturday morning and I had walked 2 miles from my house to the bar, I had gotten 9 miles (which most of them, by then, had been in the sun and humidity)in walking, by the time I got there.

Now I know I looked terrible. It was further reinforced when a few picture taken of me with others, from Saturday night, was posted on social media, which did upset me, earlier this afternoon.

The pictures were not posted with malice, they weren’t even about me,while I made a comment that I didn’t love how I looked, I defended it.

What I didn’t do, though, is describe all the looks I got, when out and about , during the day and at night. Which is my norm, especially during the Summer. As I live in large busy city, and I never  fail to attract negative attention, both in looks and in comments made to me, when I get out. .

I’ve discussed this before in other blogs. What I haven’t discussed in great detail, is what and what not to do about it, in conjunction with putting a definition on it, such as DUFF in public and DUFF in one’s personal life.

This is the way I look at it. If taking potshots at people, whether it be online such as a picture like following featured below, makes one feel better about themselves, it’s not another person not being attractive to another, that’s the problem, it’s society thinking that it’s right to hate on people, based upon appearance and for people who are devoid of a soul that they get satisfaction in bullying others. And I’ve seen hundreds of pictures, if not more, like the one below, if not more, since being on social media.

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I could say as an activist, that people should be more disgusted about their bullying and/ hating on people for what they look like on the outside,  but in the era of Facebook and Instagram, that ain’t gonna fly. As we’ve all seen the memes that sometimes will talk about inner beauty, sometimes the same people who are prone to post a picture like the one above, who talk about the importance of being beautiful on the inside and not the outside.

Because they are FUCKING mentally defective, (which is not the same as mental illness, which I’m an activist for) morally bankrupt, hateful HYPOCRITES.

However……….. Facebook is called Facebook and NOT Soulbook, for a reason. And a lot of times that reasons aren’t in the best interest of people. Whether they are a supermodel or they aren’t considered being physically attractive.

As much as it sucks and sometimes hurts existing in a society that judges me  and others about appearance, it’s sometimes for some of us, a hundred times worse, when the DUFF definition, becomes personal.

Meaning you have people in your life, where they either get some satisfaction that they are more attractive then you are or that you have looks even a loved one or someone you care about, not only can’t love you for, but actually straight out or subtly hates on you for. Whether they are straight out or subtle in their perverse satisfaction of being considered (whether it’s perception and/or they are more conventionally attractive)  more attractive than you are.

This is my personal philosophy about this. And I’m NOT sorry to burst anyone’s pathetic bubble about this. I am NOT jealous of people who are more attractive than me, in my personal life, including some of the models (some of them who would NEVER do something so crappy and are just as beautiful on the inside as the outside) friends that are naturally beautiful, regardless of weight and those  I’m friends with that I have who had a better outcome post weight loss surgery than I did. I’m happy for the good things that happen to people I care about and sad for the bad things.
(Note: For those of you in my personal life who’ve done this to me, especially subtly, I know who you are and this is your notice that I don’t think highly of you and/or you have something so pathetic about yourself, that I haven’t cut you loose. YET…)

But this isn’t just about me. This is about people who are broken on the inside for being on the outside, not considered conventionally attractive. As I’ve said before even Caitlyn Jenner said about trans bullying, what others think or say about me, won’t break me. I’ve survived too much shit, in my 45 years, to let haters and bullies have a shot of breaking me, even if it does hurt my feelings at times.

This is for the people who are broken because of pervasive bullying based upon looks.Who don’t have a voice or don’t even think they are worth being defended, which they are worth it.

You don’t have to own, anyone’s negative opinion of you. Especially when it comes to circumstances, such as looks and weight, which is superficial (I’m NOT discussing or debating the “Obesity” argument with this blog,  it’s not necessary or appropriate to debate fat as a potential or current health issue, in this blog). and isn’t a reflection of your beauty, but others’s internal ugliness.

It is true and it took me a long time to understand that “Others opinion about me, is NONE of my business”. And if you can accept this, you will spare yourself decades of grief, that I’ve had to go through being bullied, to finally realize that I don’t have shame to bear from not being conventionally attractive. And neither does anyone.

Think about it. If a stranger is doing this to you, why do you care what someone who has no idea of what you are  about, and doesn’t care about hurting other people, that’s not people you give any rent in your head and heart, to. Even if it’s human nature to care, try a little harder NOT to care. In the scope of your life, these people are NOTHING and should be nothing to you.

While it’s harder to put up with appearance bashing whether it’s subtle or intentional, from people who may be close to us, especially if they show in other ways that they do care about us, as people are complex and multi-faceted, this is something that NO ONE has a right to hate and/or bully someone for. IF you can’t discharge the negativity of that aspect of those people, then you need to get them out of your lives. But don’t let someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart, in ways that matter the most, keep hurting you like this. It’s a shitty thing to do to someone, being done by shitty people.

I hope this helps others, as well as create a dialogue of why this happens in the first place. As this goes beyond trying to make money about people’s insecurities, when people are subjected to this by society and their friends and family. While it wasn’t totally altruistic in nature, it needed to be said not only from a personal point of view, but as an activist.

Because it can be life ruining if not life ending, to be subjected to hate and bullying about appearance, that goes beyond weight or race and the internet has made it even a more difficult playing field for people who are bullied for this reason.

And it needs to STOP. NOW….

Important note: Appearance bullying is NOT gender specific. Unfortunately both genders are equal opportunity HATERS as well as targets for hate and bullying…….

Note: As always, I welcome other people’s life stories, as well as a difference in opinion, if shared respectfully. If NOT, your response will NOT be published…

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