Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical, mental health or credientialed in public safety, law enforcement and in social services.
The ONLY reason why I keep writing these blogs about domestic murder/suicides is that they keep happening and there is NO specific initiative in place. I found one murder/suicide initiative that was started 20 years ago, but it was only in respect to female partners being killed by their male partner.
I don’t know how many more people have to innocently die, especially when whole entire immediate families are dying this way, without more initiatives in place for prevention and/or rehabilitation.
I ask respectfully though, I do these blogs, where my immediate family knows somewhat of why I keep doing this, but they are really private people and in hopes of making sense and there being a greater purpose that we went through wasn’t in vain.
But an activist/blogger who purposely doesn’t want a lot of attention and is disabled, I’m limited on what I can do. I hope those who have more resources or stories of where they were in crisis but got help before irreversible tragedy happened or clinical trained professionals in abnormal psychology, can speak up on ideas, if it’s possible for prevention.
I will say my normal disclaimer, if you or someone you love, is in DANGER of hurting themselves or others, please seek immediate acute help by calling 911 (or because I’m read outside of the U.S and North America emergency services in your area or looking up http://www.befrienders.org) immediately.
Editorial Note: This majority of this blog was written on 3/29/2018, I hesitated in publishing it under the assumption that it was a domestic murder/suicide, even though it had the signs of one until more data was released, that I just caught today. It was unclear at the time of publishing due to conflicting news, of where it is possible that there were 3 surviving children, it still doesn’t change the nature or the point I’m trying to make in the blog, it’s still beyond tragic.
I had just noticed the story, yesterday. Where a family of 8, where they had MN roots like I do, but were living on the West Coast, that the 2 parents and 3 of their children, their bodies earlier this week were found, after their vehicle had gone off a road into the Pacific Ocean.
Because the family had 3 other siblings, it’s now being suspected they died, as well, even though their bodies haven’t been found yet.
There has been talk because the mothers had a recent child neglect/abuse claim against them, if that was the motive, possibly, of their deaths.
When family and friends of the victims were interviewed, they were noted to be nice people who were activists for positive change, even though some of their neighbors found some of the behaviors in the parents questionable, as far as the children not being taken care of properly.
None of the above am I making any judgement nor at the same time, excusing.
While I remember the good mother I was 20 years ago, I also remember the neglectful mother I became a little over 10 years ago, when in medical and mental health crisis.
While I’ve written many blogs about that period of time, in hopes to remove stigma, I’ve written many more blogs about domestic murder/suicide that involve children, there is one topic that I have NOT brought up when it comes to these horrific tragedies, that I do have to wonder, if it places apart, even though I don’t and will NEVER understand it.
I remember when I was that shamefilled terrified mother of 2, worried about the possibility of my children being taken away, while I somewhat was aware of the fact, that my parents or sisters would never let that happen, I also was terrified if something should happen where my kids would be taken away and be put in a system, where they be physically assaulted or raped.
I knew after having a past history of doing both volunteer work in a battered woman’s shelter and also facilitating a single parent support group, that is hard working as our Department of Human Services staff are, they are extremely overworked, underpaid and underappreciated.
That hasn’t changed since 1988/89 when I was a volunteer at that battered woman’s shelter, in 1998 when I worked as a single parent faciliator of a support group with my local YMCA (when one is considered a mandated reporter, just like I consider myself now, being such a serious activist but responding to personal queries for medical/mh help) and it was the same when I found myself 10 years later, with my own CPS and APS case in 2007 for hoarding and a brief one, post suicide attempt in 2008, where I didn’t fight where my children were going to be, only fought my potentially being committed.
Although my CPS worker in 2007 did see that there was love in my home and my kids’s basic needs were being met and she met with me weekly for months prior to my case being discharged, as well as I was ordered to be in therapy and that manditory cleanup, which she helped participate in.
It’s not for me to second guess that the kids were NOT immediately removed from their home.
If parents seem loving but are struggling, the last thing DHS/CPS (or any similar agency in one’s locale) is rip kids from a loving home, even if it is unstable and sometimes doing that can be more traumatic for a child and/or children than leaving them with their parents.
The point I’m trying to make and unfortunately we may never know in these circumstances of why this family was wiped out or in other cases where it seemed like loving parents that I’ve wrote about (or even families that I haven’t) take out their entire family including children, is maybe due to some kind of HORRIBLY misguided sense of LOVE.
I can’t even try to wrap my head around that, though.
I can understand where people feel so trapped that sometimes and I’m choosing my words, very, very, very carefully, that suicide can not only feel like it’s the only choice that someone can make for themselves, it’s not necessarily hate based but out of compassion for one’s self, depending on their degree of suffering.
But ending someone elses life, ever or especially in a case, where it’s one’s child or partner, I don’t understand that and am only trying to, identify potential motives in these tragedies, to be a better activist in the name of prevention of these horrible tragedies that keep happening over and over again.
If I had a chance where I’d have the opportunity, which I will NOW, as far as this blog being written, I’d beg someone to get serious help before hurting themselves and others, let alone killing them.
I’d beg them to see that even in our worst trying times, things can get better, even if it may take a long time, but that no one has the right to take the peace of mind or to take the right of life FOR someone else.
I don’t see in this case, unless it comes out that the parents involved talked to someone else about the problems and or concern of what the tragic end outcome was in this case, that it could’ve necessarily been prevented.
But for a family that adopted children in hopes to give them a better life, as well as the good things they did throughout their lives (which unfortunately ultimately doesn’t matter, if one or both parents were responsible in the deaths of their children) and for their lives, ultimately, to end in the worst way possible,
I hope this can start a dialogue and a movement for prevention and rehabilitation initiatives, so that this ENTIRE family, like families before them, didn’t die in vain.
It just goes beyond the scope of my comprehension of any one human beings last memory of being murdered, but especially by someone who they love more than anything.
And that’s probably why I won’t stop blogging about this, until major initiatives are in place, for prevention of these horrific tragedies, happening over and over again.
Note: Please, only constructive feedback is wanted. I honestly wish I had more resources at my disposal to do more in prevention than blogging about it. Thanks!!!