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Archive for the ‘violent crime prevention’ Category

#StigmaKills – The Sexual Predator/Victim Edition….

http://www.rainn.org
http://www.thehotline.org
http://www.suicidepreventionhotline.org 1800-273-8255
http://www.befrienders.org

What I’m about to have to say, is bad enough…It’s actually tragic…

The current social climate I have to say it in, is ALMOST as bad.

In multiple ways, for multiple reasons. Let me explain…

Very, very, very carefully.

Because the nature of the activism that I do, is usually suicide prevention, oriented, while I blog about all things mental health, including rape and sexual harassment (especially this year!!!), I had worried and wondered when, not if, someone either an accuser or the accused would die as a result of this, either in the form of murder or suicide.

Well, let me clarify that. I’m already know that people have gotten murdered for raping someone else’s loved one, people have died in domestic rape and assault situations both victims and perpetrators and people who have been accused and or convicted or people who’ve been violently raped have died by suicide.

And maybe somebody has already died this year (either a victim or a perpetrator) but it’s been buried in the news, we are constantly bombarded with, even for someone like me, who’s rarely on social media and on limited platforms.

I hate to say this, as it’s of personal nature and it’s honestly NOT meant to be self serving and it can be potentially hazardous to someone’s emotional health, if I don’t choose my words carefully AND if someone doesn’t read them just as carefully.

I’ve already discussed about my own rape in 1996, talking about it in greater detail than I would’ve already liked (as I really would’ve not liked to have to talk about it at all) and I made my peace with it, in my own ways, a LONG time ago.

Only going public about it, in hopes to help others.

I would NEVER want to hinder the progress that the #MeToo movement has made, which was WAY long overdue, nor they or anyone is to blame for the nature of this particular blog, and that I need to make CRYSTAL clear.

But I’ve had to relive my rape way more in 2017, than I ever did in 1996, when it actually happened.

Over and Over again. Due to the nature of social media.

Okay, I can live with that.  And not die from it, either. And I’m not being glib.

But I’m only saying this, while the #MeToo movement was SO necessary, I can’t be the only one, where I’m glad that it’s occurred, but it’s also been a trigger, that I can be okay with, but be sensitive to the fact or just aware, that while those of us, who’ve had to survive trauma like that, want all stories to be told, but it’s causing some of us to have to relive traumatic events, over and over again, as a result.

I’ve done all the soul searching in my case, where other than it being a VERY traumatic life event, it hasn’t played into any kind of self destructive behavior, like it can for other victims of rape and physical assault, as I had the same vices going out of my rape, that I did going into it, that’s the only reason why I’m mentioning it, in this particular blog.

And again, I’m trying to choose my words carefully.

As I strongly believe everyone’s (victims) stories need to be told. And while my blogs, won’t ever lead to a national dialogue (which to me, is kind of scary to me, as I really have no desire to go “viral”) it does help people talk about things that are strongly stigmatized, which is my goal, even if it’s private or helps them get the help they need.

HOWEVER, as I said in a MAJOR blog that I wrote about Harvey Weinstein and victims of rape and sexual harassment, there needs to be a dialogue on how we can best all help ALL people.

Including the predators themselves. Whether it’s in prevention or rehabilitation initiatives, for those who ARE willing to get help.

IF you do the math, most women know another women, if not a man, who’s been a victim of sexual harassment and/or rape.

In my case, where I am an activist who deals with body diversity issues and while I’m not a a clinically trained professional, I’m already fully aware of that both people of weight and anorexics, it stems from trauma caused by rape, assault and harassment, regardless of gender, socio-economics, in every age group, relationship (i.e. familial,professional or stranger) and in every religion.

So, if most, if not all of us know, someone who’s been a victim of these crimes, we obviously know someone who’s possibly done this.

Even if we DO NOT know, that they’ve actually done this.

Or sometimes people do know someone who’s done this, that they love now, who has this in their past (or present), and they can’t tell due to stigma, nor can offenders talk about what they might have done in the past, that could currently come back to haunt both them and their victims.

And that could be a deterrent on why they don’t seek professional help, either for preventative or rehabilitation purposes, due to the potential consequences.

And I’m not even going to elaborate in detail, the conversations we aren’t having about those who are victims and predators, not in the public eye, where more discussion is needed to help eliminate if not reduce rape, assault and harassment, for those who don’t have anything to lose, like the people of power, who are celebrities, as well as that there needs to be more discussion on the fact that assault victims aren’t always women abused by men. Females can be predators of either gender, and at any age.

But the above paragraph, is another in blog in itself.

I was already thinking about the potential for both victims and perpetrators might already be prone to the potential of suicide, in the last couple of months and ironically had wondered this, as this morning, when I got a phone call from a friend.

My friend had a friend, someone I had met briefly, a few years ago, for like 2 minutes.

While my friend and I had talked about unusual behavior of this friend (i.e. no-show on a job of over 2 decades) a few days ago, I was extremely  concerned.

My friend had found out today, that their friend had died last week, due to suicide, due to concerns of a past sexual assault allegation, allegedly.

Now, I’m going way out of my way to protect everyone’s identity, as they didn’t ask for me to write this blog.

I’m only writing it, because now I know someone who’s died this year, from a perp perspective and I’m sure he’s not the only one who has contemplated or will do this.

But, because  I have a serious responsibility as an activist, to not only have a voice for those who don’t have one, but to make sure I don’t cause further harm, in this case, with this topic, to those who’ve been victims of a sexual harassment or rape, too.

We need to talk about this.

We need to have support services in place. That serve and help EVERYONE.

That it hurts people, whether you care about this, based upon whether or not you like or care about the outcome of the victim and/or of the accused and/or perpetrator of these crimes.

We can’t continue to try people in the court of social media, especially in cases for people who either are victims that come forward or perpetrators who are terrified of something like this going public, so they commit suicide because they can’t or they actually DO NOT see another way out.

I’m not saying that those who’ve committed sexual harassment or rape, shouldn’t have consequences, like people in power, who are in the public eye, or any perpetrator,like we’ve seen, such as losing their careers.

Or that they shouldn’t face further consequences, in a court of law.

But it shouldn’t be okay, that people are okay with someone dying for a grope, they did a long time ago, and felt so much shame, that they would rather die, than face their family, when being scared that it was going to come out, either.

And again, it bears repeating,  I’m NOT trying to do, in any way, any kind of sexual harassment and/or rape victim shaming, which I find repugnant.

But there’s a very good reason that sexual harassment and even more heinously, the crime of  rape, usually doesn’t come with the death penalty.

We need to talk about this more so that more people, even if they aren’t so innocent, don’t die as a result, while remaining respectful to their victims.

(I do need to say, when talking about the above, I’m not talking about predators/perpetrators  who have no remorse for crimes they commit and/or who are violent and/or habitual offenders, but it’s not for me, as an activist, to say what they are due as a punishment, either)

Otherwise, there are going to be more families, blindsided, like this particular family, who now has to deal with the aftermath of a loved one who tried and convicted himself and then killed himself.

And there will be also sadly, victims of rape and sexual assault, who due to the nature of social media bullying having to be buried, too.

Note: Please ask for clarification, if one is a victim of sexual harassment or rape, before making any negative assumptions about this blog.

Also, comments that are not constructive in nature, will NOT be posted.

IMPORTANT Addendum: There are things I need to say, a little over 36 hours after publishing this blog, that I can’t go back in, without “muddying” it, even more.

One thing that I’ve tried to make clear not just in my activism in talking about rape and sexual harassment, but other mental health issues, is about the possibility, if it’s possible, with initiatives and open dialogue for PREVENTION.

Prevention of suicide. Prevention of rape and sexual harassment, as it applies to this blog.

As we have taught kids, from the time they are young,  how to describe and identify a “a good touch” versus a “a bad touch”.

But we haven’t done nearly enough in both kids and adults is talk about more means on how to prevent in the first place, so it doesn’t start at home, doesn’t  end up in schools or on the grounds, in a park, places of worship and in the workplace, to name a few.

I knew when I wrote this, it’s too soon to discuss this, though even though a couple of hours ago, a Kentucky congressman died due to suicide among allegations of molestation of a minor child.

And while I feel sad for the family and friends of both the victim and the congressman, as well as more victims that will come out and truthfully, more accused and/or perpetrators might die, so I stand by what I say, there is something else I have to say, that I would’ve rather not.

Most of my blogs, sometimes talk about the issues I’ve been up against, because I’m limited in what I can say about those I love the most.

But because it has relevance, I’m hoping that I will be forgiven, but I want it understood from the victim perspective, I get the enormous amount of damage and pain this topic causes victims.

My 14 1/2 year old daughter has been a victim of sexual harassment, groping by a peer and bullying.

And while I was a suburban kid, while I was bullied anywhere I went at her age, by words, I could take the bus, to lets say, where I live now, in Downtown Minneapolis, because then it was fun and less physically unsafe thing to do for an unaccompanied teenage minor, like it is now.

While my daughter lives in a upscale neighborhood though and she can be trusted, we live in a society, that many cannot be trusted and for that reason,she is very RARELY left or allowed to be alone, in a public setting, because of what she’s been through, as it applies to the bullying and harassment.

So if there was any doubt from a victim’s perspective of my not being extremely sensitive and empathetic, I hope there isn’t now, because I don’t think of just my daughter and son, I think everyone who’s been a victim.

 

 

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another day, another massacre….

Important Disclaimer: PLEASE, if anyone you know, is capable of hurting themselves and/or has the potential to hurt or kill themselves or others, PLEASE seek immediate emergency assistance from law enforcement and/or medical/mental health professionals. IF you’re not sure, but just suspect someone is capable of causing harm to another/many, contact local emergency authorities i.e 911, who have staff that are properly trained in these potential crises to engage EMS/Crisis Intervention Teams and various Law Enforcement department/agencies,  if necessary…

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http://www.nami.org
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org  1-800-273-9255
http://www.211.info
http://www.befrienders.org

“Babe, I shot the kids'”…

I wasn’t going to talk or blog about  the above quote or tragedy, when a few days ago, a young mother in Texas, fatally shot her 2 daughters.

I wasn’t going to blog about the NYC terrorist attack, on Halloween.

Not because they don’t matter. All these tragic multiple fatalities whether they origin from human or other natural disasters, they ALL matter.

But here I go again, or more like here we go again, as a society, not even a month has gone by, not even a week has gone by, another tragic massacre occurred today, where a man shot and killed over 26 people and another 20+ were wounded, in a church, in a small town outside of San Antonio, Texas.

Is this just going to be our new normal? Not just nationally but globally? People will be randomly massacred, in their workplaces, schools, social gatherings, hospitals and places of worship to name of few, with NO end in sight?

I’m heartbroken for the victims and survivors of all these tragedies. I’m heartbroken for those who have to worry that it’s becoming a more clear and present danger that more innocent people will die, including those we love and ourselves, that this will become an epidemic.

I, obviously,  lack the qualifications necessary to take this on, other than hoping to start a dialogue by blogging about these tragedies and I don’t have it in me, to address each and every single one of them, even though they matter to me, like they matter to so many and they really should matter to everyone.

But the one thing that I actually CAN do and hopefully by saying what I have, when discussing repeatedly about mental health/domestic terror  issues that cause fatalities in others, is to be very CLEAR that we cannot become numb or apathetic, because it’s too scary to have to think about it happening to so many innocent lives being lost for so many different reasons.

Because it’s too scary to think, that the reality is, it’s becoming more apparent that this could happen to someone we love, where they are murdered in a massacre of any kind.

Or in a domestic situation. Or due to road rage. Or the many reasons that factor into these tragedies, that seem like they are not within the realm of our control.

Apathy can work wonders when hatred leads to hateful words that harm others.

Apathy cannot help, when it comes to hatred that causes someone to ACT in a manner that causes harm or death.

My sympathies and prayers go out to all the victims and their families and friends so tragically effected by all these tragedies and the tragic massacre that took place, today at First Baptist.

Note: At the time this blog is being published, the mass murderer/domestic terrorist, has just been identified, although his motives are unknown.

I’m kindly asking, if a dialogue should take place, as a result of this blog, I realize that he used guns to commit this horrific tragedy, but I choose to identify him a different way, not just the “Texas Church Shooter”.

As I believe that it’s getting people NO WHERE, where if the only dialogue people are capable are having is ONLY based upon gun control when it comes to these heinous acts.

And instead of talking about the victims, people are digitally verbally eviscerating one another based upon weapons and too much attention is placed on the murderers, and NOT the victims themselves or the need to talk about WHY people are commiting these tragedies versus HOW, let alone on prevention, IF they are preventable.

So if that’s the only type of dialogue people choose to have with this blog, please do so, somewhere else. Thanks.

Editorial note: Blog published on 11-5-2017

 

“Why didn’t you fight back?!?” #MeToo #WhyIDidntFightBack

Sigh…

I really didn’t want to write this blog. I figured my last blog, I’d do the topic justice regarding rape and sexual harassment and why people don’t come forward to report sexual harassment and rape, regardless of socio-economics, gender and ages of the perpetrators, among many other factors.

I figured I’d do what I can, to help others and then be able to walk away.

Shortly after I published my blog, the ONLY hateful thing I got about what I wrote, was someone, insinuating that it would’ve been “unlikely” for me to be a rape victim and asking me to define, what I  “defined”  as rape.

Which relcutantly I did, by additionally adding a clarification, on my last blog. It wasn’t to help myself. It was with great trepidation, as I explained that both my parents and my children are on the internet, including my teenage daughter, who has NO idea that this has happened to me. And NO ONE had known all the details, the VERY little I’ve talked about this both in my personal life and the little I’ve brought up, as an a activist/blogger.

I’ve seen though enough misguided dialogue on social media and the media in general,that I will explain a few things about how not only is it insensitive at best, but at worst, it re-victimizes victims of rape and sexual harassment when it’s questioned and debated ad nauseum, why they don’t fight back.

Let alone say anything at all, and maybe this will add necessary feedback to what’s needed in the dialogue of prevention of rape and sexual harassment, as well as making it a safer society for victims to come forward.

When I was raped in January of 1996, I didn’t fight back, because while I was very heavy, my rapist had 40 lbs on me and also had said he wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t.

He also had an established career in the MILITARY (I’m not demonizing his profession in any way, other than it was why I didn’t feel it would’ve been worth the risk to fight back).

I had a young child, to think of. Who then, I couldn’t be his mother, if I was DEAD. I didn’t trust the fact he said he wouldn’t hurt me physically, because for one, he already had and while I was seriously violated physically and emotionally, I at least didn’t increase my odds, of unrecoverable physical injury or death, which I’m not blaming those who do fight back and seriously hurt, if not killed, (of course,if it prevents rape and assault, I’m grateful that was that person’s result)  it’s just my mindset at the time, was I had to survive this and go on with my life, in hopes that I could at least walk away from this.

I’ve seen since my experience in the mental health system, people though who are 90 lbs be able to beat the crap out of someone’s a foot taller and 100 lbs more than them, due to RAGE.

So all I have to add at this point, while the dialogue that’s happening is SO necessary, be VERY careful on what people say either clearly or insinuate, of why others should’ve fought back or that if they were in that situation that they would’ve, is extremely HARMFUL.

For more than one reason, as I’ve tried to highlight.

I can’t speak for everyone who’s been a victim and/or would rather consider themselves just a survivor of rape and sexual harassment, of why they didn’t fight back and or what their triggers going forward, are.  I can only speak for myself. Only they can tell you their stories and hopefully they will be listened to, with sensitivity and their physical and emotional safety, going forward.

But I’d ask, for those who’ve NOT experienced any type of rape, physical assault or harassment, aren’t a clinically trained professional and/or law enforcement professional who hasn’t worked with victims, of choosing words carefully when you question any aspect of an assault, no matter what the circumstances ARE.

Especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, when it comes to “Why didn’t you fight back?!?!”

Note: I’m pubishing this blog, with great tredpidation, in hopes it helps others. I do the activism that I do, to help other people. I’m not saying I’m better or worse than anyone, in my case, where with my disability sets, I don’t monetize anything that I do, nor do I crave being in the spotlight in any way.

I feel strongly enough, that it’s worth for me to try to help others by chiming in this dialogue, to risk attention, this way. I’m only doing so, because I truly believe it can help other people.

I’m also making it clear, with like most of my blogs, any comment that’s not constructive and respectful, will NOT be published. Thanks!!!

Edit/Additional Note: When I created #WhyIDidntFightBack, it was to open the door of giving victims/survivors a means of telling their stories, not being able to forecast of how many people will read this blog.

The horrible messages that society and the media SHOULD NOT be promoting, when discussing Harvey Weinstein, rapists, rape victims, assault and sexual harassment….

http://www.rainn.org

Trigger Warnings: If you or someone you know is in danger of hurting someone else, please seek acute medical/mental health treatment and or contact law enforcement. If you’ve been a victim of rape or sexual harassment know that in addition to the links above, that there are multiple avenues of support for people to get support and recover from the trauma physically and mentally that this can cause, if in acute need, please get acute help from a professional, in an appropriate setting. The same could be said, though if it happened a long time ago and have decided to get support, now.

Goddamn it!!!

I didn’t want to  have to write this blog. I thought for how much discussion about rape and sexual harassment was being discussed by public figures I adore, I wouldn’t have to say the following, below.

That someone I’d adore who’s in the public eye,would bring this up, but sadly that hasn’t been the case, so here we go…

I like most people (and being an activist who tries to remove stigma) has been horrified like most decent people, when it came out that Harvey Weinstein, a powerful Hollywood mogul had raped, sexually assaulted and harassed multiple women for decades, both actresses, female reporters and other women have now come forward.

Since the story broke, it’s leading to a very necessary dialogue we have to have as a society regarding rape and sexual harassment, both in the workplace and out of it.

It’s easy to go for the jugular, or in this case, above and below Harvey Weinstein’s  neck, as far as making derogatory statements that are justified about what he did, but also what he looks like.

And that is the REASON for this blog. In seeing in the media the jokes about his looks and his weight, sends a HORRIBLE multi-complex message, to perpetrators and victims alike, that while his money and power was something that allowed him to get away with despicable crimes he perpetuated on his victims,for decades. And if the looks and fat shaming of a rapist, if that reasoning for hate on rapists or murderers existed, exclusive to that population, ALONE, I probably wouldn’t lose much sleep at night, but it isn’t and that mindset hurts millions of innocent people regardless of their size.

Let me explain.

As it  sends a very misguided and dangerous message that only not attractive men are perps in these horrible crimes but that only conventionally attractive or beautiful women can ONLY be victims.

Rape and sexual harassment can have victims of both women and men. That isn’t being questioned. It shouldn’t be perpetuated in any form that someone who is not considered by society’s stringent standards of beauty, that people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive aren’t victims.

We saw this exemplified last year, when women spoke out against Donald Trump, who had said to the effect of “Look at her, like I’d even want that?!?!”.

I’m in no way wanting to change the good that’s coming out of the national dialogue about rape and sexual harassment both in the workplace and outside of it.

It just needs to be expanded on and it needs to include that we have to have to establish and educate that both rapists and their victims can be of all ages, all genders and all shapes, sizes, personal and professional relationships and within consideration of what’s considered attractive and in all socio-economic backrounds.

That we need to educate people on how to get help for their predatory violent behavior and have resources in place for that, in helps for prevention.

We have to have more resources and a safer and evolved society that realizes that there are victims of all ages, genders, races, religions and shapes and sizes.

And to start this education, from the time people are young.

I remember when I was 25, as a young mother participating in Early Childhood Family Education, that we once watched a video, about “Stranger Danger” of how to teach our children that you cannot go by the way someone looks, to determine whether or not is a danger. I really wish something like that existed now, where it’s more needed than ever.

When I was raped, at the age of 26,  I didn’t say anything because I was fat single mother of 1 and my rapist was someone who was considered attractive, as well as accomplished.

I didn’t think anyone would believe me and in my life, other than a blog or two, where I only started mentioning it, was because a rape victim, who was victimized repeated at a young age by her brother, had gone viral.

I only personally healed from that, unconventionally, because I spared myself further trauma by NOT talking about it. Because I could chalk up my rapist as an asshole, as in my case, he didn’t know anything but my name and my phone number. I couldn’t have beared to put what I went through out there to the  people who I care about and risk whatever unsupportive thing they may have had to say about it.

And that’s AWFUL, as it applies to me. And I can’t be the only person who’s had to have that mindset.

I feel obviously then, heartbreakingly awful for the victims of any rape, incest, physical assault and sexual harassment. I think that the bravery of Harvey Weinstein’s victims or anyone who comes forward is commendable, but also and his victims stories and his heinous actions, have to be the start of a much more comprehensive dialogue on rape and rape victims, where ALL victims of rape,incest  and sexual harassment can safely tell their experiences and have the opportunity for support and healing.

But we can’t make inroads of prevention of rape,incest  and sexual harassment without more resources for discussing openly on the complex multi-faceted why people rape and sexual harass without blaming their victims and to have treatment options before they ever offend. That perpetrators and victims are of all ages, genders, sexual preference, races, religion, socio-economics, individual perceptions of attractiveness and shapes and sizes.

Note: I have both as an activist and a personal investment in the reasons that played in the need for me to write this blog. If you want to find out how much hate there is, towards unconventional people who are victims of rape and physical assault, try looking for a meme, like I did, before writing this blog.

It’s a bunch of hateful bullshit that makes mockery of the idea of rape in people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive fat or thin. That’s hurtful to any human being who’s been violated physically and/or emotionally with rape and harassment and it hurts everyone.

Additional Note/Clarification/Edited after receiving anonymous hate:

I didn’t realize I had to spell out what happened to me, personally, of what I define as rape. I normally don’t do this, because not only do I have parents on the internet, so are my children.

I met someone unfortunately in their home, on 1/1/1996, a blind date, that was supposed to lead to going out to lunch. I realized the very second, I walked into that man’s home, that I made a mistake, it was a gut instinct and said I had a headache and needed to go home. He forcefully  grabbed by the arm and said I wasn’t going anywhere. I said please no, but I didn’t fight him, because he said he wouldn’t hurt me if I gave him what he wanted and kept  quiet.

So the specifics of my rape was forceful vaginal and anal penetration that led to bleeding and oral that led to gagging that I held back my vomit, to not further upset him. Did he beat me up or cause any further injury other than when he grabbed my arm and then physically violated me, that way? NO. When he was done, he said I could go and I left.

I couldn’t cry or show being upset, right after it happened,  either, when I left, because I had to pick up my 2 1/2 year old son, who was being babysat by my parents. I couldn’t cry or be upset, when I got home, because I didn’t want to upset my son. I went to work the next day and went on with my life. I was NOT okay, for the first 6 months afterwards, but I couldn’t show it.

This is what I mean when and why people are afraid go forward with their stories about rape and sexual assault. IF a woman is attractive, she’s asking for it. Or there’s many other consequences such as the victims of Harvey Weinstein, have showed why those women didn’t say anything.

If she’s not considered attractive and deemed unfuckable, by most people, it’s not believable an attractive accomplished man would do that. And if both attractive people and people who aren’t considered attractive, they get blamed should they press charges, if the charges stick and they are put on trial, right along with the people who commit these crimes. And it’s worse now that victims get tried in the court of social media.

Unless people are more evolved and understand the dynamics of rape and sexual harassment. It’s about humiliation. It’s about power, regardless of socio-economics. Rapists and sexual harassers can be parents, they can be children of any age, they can be family members, spouses and significant others, they can be doctors, teachers, fellow students, friends, police officers, members of the clergy of any religion, among many other populations.

I guess if someone felt the need to question in a derogatory way, I hope they only chose me. I hope they realize the harm, because it wasn’t asked in an innocent way, that I don’t choose to talk about the specifics of it normally, the little I do now, as an activist who works with people who have PTSD issues as a result of both childhood and adult trauma, because it isn’t helpful to either myself or who I’m trying to help as I don’t want people in medical and mental health crisis, to have to worry about me, as well as what I said about my parents and my kids being on the internet.

So whoever felt that need to do that, congratulations for not being a rapist or someone who’s capable of violent crime.

You still are an asshole that could work on your regard and trying to have empathy or at least apathy, for human beings, because if you can’t be part of the solution, don’t try to make people’s problems worse for them!!!

There’s NO social media in Heaven…

(I’m reblogging this blog from 2015,  as a result of the 2017 Las Vegas massacre, and because I don’t have the right words and resources to address that personally and because I still believe in the sentiment shared in this blog….My thoughts and prayers are with anyone and everyone affected by this current horrific tragedy)

Nor is there any social media in HELL…

Because this is a serious blog, as I’m heartsick, like most of the world, due to the horrific Germanwings tragedy, where 150 people died on Tuesday. It’s compounded in the last 72 hours of 2 police officers, who were murdered in the line of duty. SJPD Officer Michael was murdered in San Jose when responding to a suicide call. The other peace officer, Wisconsin State trooper, Trooper Trevor Casper at the age of 21, was murdered when trying to stop a robbery suspect.

I’m not looking for a theological debate whether or not there is an afterlife. The point of this blog is to start a dialogue to prevent more of these senseless tragedies from happening over and over again. And what part, if any, social media has to play in it.

It don’t think it will help to debate what to call what happened with the Germanwings tragedy. I look at it, from my perspective, as a mass murder/suicide, though. Again, I’m not a clinically trained professional of any kind.

I can only hope that, globally, we start initiatives to find out the WHY in past tragedies, which will vary, on how to prevent future tragedies and loss of life.

Meaning that the motivation in each of these murders, may be different. And require a different approach in getting people who need help, to seek it, before they commit these horrific acts of violence.

Where I think social media plays a part in people who need the most serious of interventions, is the fact that the perpetrators of these crimes, gain a lot of attention. Even in death. But in their terribly irrational and/or erratic states or when they snap, they think there is some payoff, because they will get attention for the worst reasons, possible.

Again….Even IF they are DEAD. And if there isn’t a suicide component and/or they aren’t killed upon being captured, they still get horrifically, an additional payoff of being considered newsworthy, all over social media, tv and in print.

I think at best, other than major initiatives for help, is to start with NOT giving violent dead criminals or violent criminals who kill , ANY attention on social media.  It’s feeding into an irrational need for those who have the propensity to be violent, it hurts all of society and it’s disrespectful to their victims.

There’s not much more I can say. I’ve talked about murder/suicides, murder of police officers, as well of how many people are killed either by strangers or loved ones in their daily lives.

I can only hope that government and the best of medical and psychiatric professionals, as well as others who can help given insight, into comprehensive initiatives for prevention of these tragedies and help for those who are capable of killing people and violent harm.

But again, it bears repeating. The fastest way to help, until initiatives are in place is to STOP giving criminals all this media attention.

Note: Again, if someone is in medical or mental health crisis, of any kind or someone you know, PLEASE seek immediate professional attention from an acute care facility and/or law enforcement.

SAMSHA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990
http://www.nami.org
http://www.befrienders.org
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org 1-800-273-8255

How many MORE people are going to have to DIE , before we can talk about Opioid addiction and other addictions without STIGMA???

(Extremely important disclaimer: I’m NOT  a clinically trained professional. If you or someone you know is in acute medical or mental health crisis, PLEASE seek immediate/acute professional help, in an acute care facility.

Because this blog is about the fact that clinicians are only human and can be in crisis, too, this is WHY I’m pressing for honest dialogue in our society about the Opiate Epidemic and removing the stigma that exists that presents a barrier for so many people being able to get the help they need that hopefully, save their lives)

http://www.cnn.com/2017/5/24/us/drug-counselors-overdose/index.html

Most of my blogs, as of late, have had to do with the opioid epidemic. Some of the blogs, have been out of concern of the war on drugs, having a potential to harm those who use prescription opiates, responsibly, but as a last resort to treating severe chronic pain.

Some of them have included though, the very real crisis that we are in because of opioids both prescription and illegal opiates.

My very last blog (which was extremely wordy, even for me) , had to do with my getting labeled at a an appointment with a pain management specialist, who had labeled me, due to my mental health issues and that I had very temporarily abused opiates, both almost 9 years ago (for 5 days leading up to an intentional overdose with pain meds that had been prescribed for me) and almost 7 years ago for 2 days both situations involved both being in medical AND mental health crisis.

And I’ve discussed those issues ad nauseum, in previous blogs, quite a bit, since I’ve launched this blog, almost 4 years ago.

I also had mentioned in my last blog, that I had done an internet search on that physician, prior to that appointment almost 2 weeks ago and had found that pain management specialist I had seen, in addition to being “pro Butrans”, which I didn’t think was appropriate for me, neither did she, also had nearly had her own medical license suspended due to opioid addiction, less than 2 years ago. And had multiple conditions to be able to continue having her suspsension stayed, by not being able to prescribe controlled substances, let alone be in possession of them.

It was never my intent in my last blog to shame that provider. What I did find offensive, is my history being a barrier in my getting medical care, with bias, because I had been labeled PRIOR to ever being on opiates and as someone who has a very short history that I’m not usually believed by most providers, with temporary drug abuse, just because I have mental health issues and even BEFORE my mental health issues were diagnosed in my late 30’s, just because I was a bariatric surgical patient.

The above link on my blog, that I just came across tonight, was about 2 drug counselors in a addiction facility who overdosed on heroin/fentanyl combination in Pennsylvania on Monday.

I have never not known or acknowledged that the Opioid Epidemic, not only is a VERY real crisis, not just nationally but globally, but that clinically trained medical and mental health professionals, whether they are physicians, drug counselors or any kind of practicing clinician, also can be patients with the propensity to have serious addiction problems that can be fatal, just like to any other human being.

Also, I’ve said as a mental health activist who’s also written multiple blogs about murder/suicide, what I talk about is, NOT the means of how people choose to kill themselves and MURDER others , but the desire to kill to begin with.

It’s not to minimize when I bring up gun control initiatives when talking about that. I say, with being crystal clear, that I’m not a medically or mental health clinically trained professional and/or in public safety or law enforcement professional, that taking away the weapon of choice, isn’t getting to the heart of the matter, when it comes to these tragic deaths.

That if people want to kill, if they can’t get a gun, there are many other ways that they can and WILL find to kill people.

The same applies to drugs, when it comes to addiction. If people even start out honestly because of severe chronic pain or any kind of severe pain, such as surgical or due to an accident  and whether or not,  it becomes their gateway to drug addiction and/or they just go straight to illegal drugs for emotional and or mental health health pain and find a dealer, unfortunately, it’s not always predictable who will find themselves in crisis of life ruining, if not life ending consequences due to that addiction.

Or ANY type of addiction and that’s one of the  the points of this blog. If we can’t talk about the multiple ways and multi-faceted reasons that play into addiction, honestly without stigma, whether it be drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food, social media/internet/phone that present potential for abuse, addiction, the risk to public safety/personal health threats on humans and the fatalities that are occuring , we don’t have a prayer of reducing them.

It’s becoming obvious and it doesn’t take a clinically trained professional to state, that you can’t legistlate away addiction, it can make it only slightly harder to get drug of choice, it doesn’t take away the propensity for addiction, away.

Unfortunately, while it’s a lot easier to identify what barriers we are experiencing as a society when it comes to these threats, it’s a lot harder to find out what it’s going to take to make inroads in reducing addiction and both accidental and intentional overdoses.

But we  can’t just continue to believe it’s the epidemic itself, that’s killing so many people and/or ruining their lives.

Because the truth is, the STIGMA  and reluctance to have an open and honest dialogue is equally to blame.

This can’t continue to be a “don’t do drugs” or “ban all drugs” conversation, as prevention initiatives just aren’t working for so many. I’m in no way discounting them. They have value, it’s just not enough.

It has to become, why we are a globally, humans who can be prone to addictions of different natures that can be life ruining and life ending for almost anyone and everyone, which almost all of us, know someone who’s life has been ended too soon or ruined due to addiction, as well as loved ones who are effected by these crisies.

How many people are going to have to die, until the dialogues start and more initiatives are in place for study of, evaluation and better treatment options of disease of addiction themselves that don’t have the potential to lead to other addictions or other potential serious medical/mental health issues????

Note: I’m hoping this starts an honest dialogue to help. I always appreciate differing opinions if shared respectfully and responsibly.

Any comments that could be potentially triggering or are not constructive, will NOT published.

(Edit Note: Unfortunately, slight edits that were made before publishing didn’t take when blog was posted. It didn’t effect greatly my intention with this blog, just clarifying that I apologize that, it wasn’t as clear as intended it to be, from the start but also with the fact for new readers, I am a disabled blogger who writes about disabilities, in addition to topics like this one, that I feel passionately about)

How many more CHILDREN have to be MURDERED, by their PARENT/S before we try to do something about it???

Note: I’m NOT  a clinically trained professional. In ANY capacity either medically or mentally.  I can’t stress ENOUGH, that if YOU or anyone you know is capable of causing mental or physical harm or death in another, please seek out help from clinically trained professionals and law enforcement, IMMEDIATELY.

Update: 12 hours after I wrote the following, the 911 tape was released where the father admitted to killing his children but letting his wife live to “let her suffer like he has”.
It doesn’t change the need for dialogue about these horrific tragedies and a need for prevention, that’s why I’m not altering in any other way, this particular blog.

I’ve taken a break, obviously from writing about serious matters that mean a lot to me. The reasons don’t matter as much as what I’ve tried to say in the past about homicides  and suicides and their causes and then just reading about ANOTHER one, a few minutes ago.

I was having a  fairly low key weekend for me and while that doesn’t matter from what I’m trying to address in this blog, it matters because I wish I didn’t have to come back as a medical and mental health activist to write a blog about ANOTHER parent killing his children, whether or not when he shot his wife, IF it was an attempt to kill her, which I’m not sure that’s the case, because he made sure his 16 year old twins died and then killed himself, in Illinois, this weekend on Friday.

This is NOT a gender specific blog when it comes to parental murder/suicides . Mothers do kill their children, too. In similar circumstances and for different reasons.

I’m not a clinically trained professional in matters of medical and mental health reasons. If you haven’t ever read a blog written before about me, I’m ALL  about trying to remove stigma, especially as a mother who’s had mental health issues that had consequences on my children, not intentionally, violently or chaotically  or even irrovocably, but it still happened anyways.

Unfortunately, people snap more violently and with irreovocable and tragic consequences in these instances, which are becoming more and more common about a parent/s killing their child or children, the other parent, when going through the ending of a relationship, even if there wasn’t a past history of abuse by that parent, either with their children or their spouse.

And that’s exactly what this blog is about. To start a dialogue to remove stigma to see if there is ANY chance on preventing this from happening over and over again.

While I’m not in a position to give end of relationship advice or parenting advice, I wish that my thinking “Love your children more than HATING their other parent” would work.

Unfortunately, that isn’t probably going to work. And I’m not concentrating in this case, about domestic assault from one partner to another. Not that doesn’t break my heart either, when it comes to adults finding that their love of their loves pose the greatest threat to not only their physical and mental health well being, but their lives.

And for as many resources that are in place for discussion, for resources for the battered physically and emotionally, as well as those who are killed whether they stay or leave their batterer and obviously there’s more need for support for that, too.

It’s obvious we just have a lot more work to do, as a society, as it’s becoming more commonplace for batters to not just kill their partner or the other parent, but to punish in their warped minds, of killing their own children as retribution, if there isn’t multiple reasons that they do that, which I’m sure there is.

But IF there is NO  previous history of battering or domestic violence in deaths of these nature and/or IF there IS, and there IS initiatives to prevent these or start a dialogue about them, we need to know.

And we need to talk about this. NOW. And do something to try and prevent these horrific senseless tragedies from happening, more often, by having major initiatives in place, for prevention of children now being murdered by their parents, during a marital/relationship breakup.

If I’m missing something as a disabled activist, please help me and others by sharing the initiatives that are already in place for evaluation, treatment and help for these families.

IF,  a parent who actually mentally went through a dark period where this was a potential issue for them but somehow, was able to realize the potential of the irrovocable  horrific consequences to their children who loved them the most , but were planning on harming them, but got help or got better someway, maybe they could talk about this, without being stigmatized, to give society, both just regular people and professionals on the mindset that happens in these tragedies but before they happen.

And insight on how, if in ANY way to prevent these from happening, over and over again.

This actually did happen in Minnesota, where I reside, in an upscale suburb in Fall of 2015. Where an upscale business man shot and killed his children, then his wife, before killing himself. I didn’t say anything, because, like today, I still don’t have the right words that can help. I’m only limited as a disabled activist in bringing attention to matters like this. And only to a certain extent.

As much as I hate as a human being, to read of these stories, I can’t imagine what it’s like for these families to die by a parent and that’s their LAST thought, as they take their LAST breaths. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the other parent, knowing that their children are going to die, they may die, they can’t do anything to prevent or protect  or what to me is almost worse, they will live, knowing that their signficant other did this to punish them in the worst way possible that goes beyond the scopes of any and most people’s imagination and worst nightmares.

I hope we can find a way as a society to prevent ANY and ALL domestic violence, as well as deaths. We have a lot of work to do but the best way to start, is NOT to pretend this isn’t happening because it’s just too horrific to think about.

I appreciate any insight or any dialogue that will contribute to trying to prevent these tragedies.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their loved ones, in this horrific tragedy and the ones that proceeded.

And IF,  I’m  to be truthful, even though I do advocate for suicide prevention, I don’t have ANY empathy for people who are responsible for homicides then commit suicide.

In this case, I’m not sorry to say, I wish they would just take themselves out and leave the innocents, especially, in cases the innocents who love them more than anything but die because of them.

Also note: You can’t defend those who commit homicide, then suicide to me. Please don’t even TRY . Knock yourself out, if you want to try or feel free and send HATE to me. Better to do that to me, I can take it, I just hope someone wouldn’t be such a miserable piece of crap to do this to the loved ones who have to deal with these horrific but these cannot continue to remain “unspeakable”  tragedies, any longer, other than the news it generates, very shocking but ONLY  temporarily.

Thanks…..

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