It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

My Karma Is STILL A Bitch #10YearChallenge …



Disclaimers: This blog is more of a personal blog, than to achieve any kind of activism goal, although it does highlight a few things that cause me to be an activist.



SOOOO,  I’m not on social media much, but on the internet.

The little I go on social media, it’s Facebook.

Not because I have this great love for  da  ‘book, I think it’s vile but no more vile than it’s competitors for people’s attention span, in social media spaces.

I didn’t know though what social media was 10 years ago.

I was still in the system post suicide attempt from Summer of 2008.

When I found Facebook a little over 8 years ago, it was a bizarre but kind of useful way to get acclimated into society, when I started living on my own in January of 2010 (which the whole gory story that it was, is in my 1st blog here on WP).

In the beginning, Facebook allowed me to reconnect and connect with people, socially, in a way that I originally found acceptable.

And in the last 8 years it’s definitely showed me who my real friends are, few and far between.

I am NOT made for this era.

Don’t get me wrong, some of this technology IS really convenient and/or life enhancing.

A lot of this technology is NOT though or how people play the game of life in the social media era is just too difficult and/or soul crushing for me.

For the last few years, I’ve only gone on Facebook, usually only once or twice a month.

Twitter, I only go on, if I need to check something blog related, so it’s way less, maybe quarterly.

I needed the above 300 words to explain the whole reason for this blog.

So, when I went on Facebook about a week and half ago, I noticed something called the “#10YearChallenge”.

I get it’s appeal for both Facebook and it’s users.

I don’t think I’m any better or worse than anyone who enjoyed doing it.

Which I didn’t even attempt it.

Bizarrely, externally, I’m exactly the same I was exactly 10 years ago.

I look the same, I weigh the same and have physically the same skill sets.

I was probably more active then, only out of necessity because I shared a room with 3 other people in 2009.

I’m still living on my own for the last 8 years, but being exposed for the last 10 years of other people’s barriers and bad habits have left me kind of like a recluse gone rogue, but for greater good for others, when I can help people and I realize the irony the ONLY way I help people, is because of the digital era and the access that allows me to others, to help them.

I probably couldn’t care less for that reason, actually not at all, that whether it would’ve been #3YearChallenge, when I looked better and did more than I am now, thank goodness it wasn’t a #15YearChallenge and when I was living a whole different better more productive rewarding life and it would be depressing to have to even think more than I already do, which is ALREADY daily, about that period of time that was the best in my life, even though it had it’s challenges.

I am still going to take my own different #10YearChallenge using words  and if it would help anyone else to do so,whether privately or on here, feel free to do the same:

#1. As much as I complain, I know what’s good, I am grateful everyday for that.

#2. I know myself well and am okay with that, even though I know I have a few strengths and my weaknesses bother me, I still know how to let my sorta free but still sorta in fear freak self fly when I can, but ground myself when it’s in my best interest (metaphorically, obviously!!!).

#3. I’m trying to accept that even though I’m 17 years post gastric bypass and over 8 years post gastric bypass  reversal, that a few of us are always going to be on a bizarre learning curve, health wise and eating wise, as in my case I currently feel like a new gastric bypass patient who’s pregnant (NEITHER is possible) with hyperemesis and it feels like a sick joke, of just how hard it is to eat and drink anything, for the last couple of months.

#4. The hardest thing is acceptance of things that aren’t acceptable, but I’ve been lucky with that, with everyone I love the most still being alive, but at the same time not being able to positively affect their life, but I can change for the better, usually, total strangers with the type of activism I do. Things will have an ebb and flow of good and bad and that a sense of humor and empathy for others, can help a lot and that I’m blessed to have both traits.

Well, these are my contributions in my own wacky #10YearChallenge.

Again, I don’t think that people are bad, if they feel better  in regards to appearance or if they’ve improved their lot in life where it can be qualified and quantified in pictures,  makes them bad.

It just in my case as an activist, is a slight cause for concern that we don’t talk about our insides more, from a psychological growth perspective , as well as personally. Some of us have intangible growth that can never be measured by photography and only with personal evaluation and inventory and that also should be rewarded, if not celebrated somehow, if not by others, at least by ourselves.

Note: I have a bazillion (like seriously, a bazillion)  wls social media buds, who loved the challenge, I’m NOT picking on anyone for any reason. for liking the challenge, nor am I jealous.

I’m in competition with one person and one person, ONLY.  ME, prior to 2007 and if I can’t beat the badass bitch I once was, so be it, and I just don’t care to compete with anyone else.

The ONE superficial thing online that drives me NUTS…


Disclaimers: This blog is NOT  meant to do any kind of activism, it’s just meant to be funny and probably will contain profanity.

I notice a trend with my blogs, people like my funny side or my serious side if I use profanity or when I’m more trainwrecky.

But on the offchance, I make a valid life or death type of concise statement or observation, my blogs just don’t get read.

#1 Superficial thing that drives me NUTS about my online life???

Okay, I’ll back up a bit.

As I picked a “meme” that’s only appropriate, because this particular top annoyance involves businesses that I frequent that have loyalty/reward email clubs.


Meaning businesses that have loyalty/reward clubs and the benefits from them.

I HATE COOKING and I’m really bad at it on a GOOD day.

On a BAD day, I’m a fucking public safety hazard, in a kitchen.

So if you don’t have a ton of funds and you live in an expensive city with not a lot of options for groceries, I usually eat takeout or delivery until I fucking run out of money.

And yeah, it’s completely safe to assume, I am NEVER fucking going to blog about fiscal responsibility.

So, I join a lot of email clubs, cause I love a bargain, whenever I can get one, restaurants, retail, hospitality, blah blah.

And here comes my main annoyance with these clubs, that I’m taking a break from serious activism (partially for my peace of mind) to point out something that fucking seriously annoys me when joining them.

Especially restaurants and as a marketing major in the fucking olden days, I get it.

What I don’t fucking understand, in the internet ERA is why whenever I fucking join an email club, the year starts out with either fucking 1917 or 2018.

But that’s been the case for years.

And it’s seriously fucking annoying to scroll down to the year 1969.

Cause that’s about 412 fucking seconds of my life I’m not going to get back.

I’m HONESTLY not trying to be an ageist asshole.

I just would really like to fucking know, of how many 100 and 101 year olds and babies and fetuses are exactly joining these clubs???

SO, if anyone can fucking answer this pressing question of mine, I’d really like an answer.

Or feel free to share a superficial major annoyance of yours, as well…

Note: I love constructive dialogue. Or witty rapport.

What I fucking don’t love is ANY KIND of food, fitness and/or financial advice.


Note: I actually constructed a fairly well written blog, for once. Edits I made, didn’t take place before publishing and the 2 lapover words aren’t on me (for a refreshing change) , but on WP.

Why The Bachelor exemplifies more serious problems in our society…


Disclaimers: This blog is not to do serious activism. It also will include profanity, because I notice an odd trend when there’s an absence of profanity, especially my NOT using the word “fuck”, in a blog and/or rant.

Meaning blogs with an absence of profanity, usually don’t get read. And while my blog isn’t ego driven, nor is it monetized, I already know how I feel about things, if I figured any points I have to make as a writer and blogger were only good for myself, I wouldn’t bother. Capisce?

Holy Shit!!!

Way to go,  ABC!!!

I don’t watch reality television.

But I don’t watch television, in general, when I’m by myself, which is 99.5% of the time.

I will read about it, though, on occasion.

And I DEFINITELY get its appeal.

I read about it now, because it’s a great distraction, from the fucking WORST shit ass reality show that’s going on in Washington, D.C., as well as other parts of the world.

As well as all the bad and sad stuff going on all over the U.S.

As a certified trainwreck (“certified” by a malicious website that likes trashing people who talk openly like I have, with disabilities about being in crisis, which I wrote about several years ago, when finding one of my most serious blogs submitted to a website called “the biggest trainwrecks”) I don’t enjoy watching other “trainwrecks”, so to speak.

I’ve never been a “misery loves company” type of person.

Nor do I get pleasure in seeing people who are young, beautiful and accomplished, which is unrelatable to me, looking for love on t.v. either when things are going great or they are going fucking REALLY bad.

The Bachelor is NO exception, it’s super fucking unrelatable,  to me.

The fallout though, from this particular season, I find kinda fascinating and horrifying at the same time.

Super attractive man proposes to a super attractive woman, after what I guess was a hard decision between 2 equally but unique super attractive accomplished women. Changes his mind and on t.v. breaks up and ends his engagement  with his first choice for his 2nd runner up.

On national television.

And the fucking internet and media loses it’s damn mind!!!

I’m not saying that I don’t feel sorry for Becca, which goes beyond her being local to Minneapolis.

A break up is hard enough.

One taking place on television (and all over social media) HAS to fucking be BRUTAL.

But there’s some kind of  pre-warning that both great things and things people would like to keep private ARE NOT going to be, if one is on this television show.

And now there’s a state law being proposed by a local lawmaker to keep the fucking nefarious Arie out of Minnesota, for doing what he did to Becca.

I LOVE my adopted hometown, even though I’ve fessed up in previous blogs, committing fucking “Minnesota Blasphemy” in my hatred of hotdish, the Minnesota State Fair, the words “uff da” and “ya betcha” among other things and yet again, I’m admitting this and other things, hopefully for greater good.

Just because a dude dumps a local lady who may be a super nice lady, doesn’t mean it warrants a law, both the Twin Cities and the Greater Minnesota area, has much worse problems than that though, where our local congress people need not intervene in this instance.

I’m not saying I’m a great person cause I don’t watch unrelatable shit like The Bachelor, nor do I normally care about the who and why of people watching shows like it.

It’s a good distraction and great television.


It just sends a terrible message, in a society that is so easily bored and looking for distraction that for us to be entertained or distracted , we have to be bombarded by as much sensationalistic messages as humanly possible, in the digital era.

I actually wrote an outline for a television show, late last year.

It would be slightly semi-autobiographical and possibly the WORST and most bizarre entertaining updated take, inspired by the Mary Tyler Moore show.

I fucking already know. How dare I, right?

That’s why this recluse ain’t going to be trying to sell it anywhere. Yet.

But it doesn’t exploit anyone, even if it’s not the key players such in The Bachelor, who know they are going to be exploited, but will make money and I don’t worry about them, because I know that they will be okay.

Including Becca K., who I sincerely wish, nothing but the best, which I know she’s fully capable of making her own destiny, a successful one, whether or not she’s successful on her endeavor for love, on national t.v. .

However, you don’t want to get me started on t.v. shows that truly exploit the vulnerable who are in crisis and can’t give informed consent like Hoarders and Intervention.

And I don’t judge people who watch that shit, either.

That will just be a topic for a future blog. You’re welcome.

Note: This was not a serious blog, even though I know I may have hit a fucking nerve or 456 of them. Again, I don’t judge people who watch any kind of reality t.v. shows, I do worry though in a society that thrives on unnecessary situational chaos, that for some, it may just be a harmless way to pass time.

In others, though, it desensitizes people to human suffering and a lack in ability to have empathy.

Ot they have too much empathy for something superficial, but can’t garner an ounce of empathy, when it’s needed the most.

As well as the misplaced hatred of humans that shows like this can create.

If I’m going to commit myself to mindless shit for entertainment, on occasion, I just pick the biggest, best and most entertaining You Tube vloggers, where I get a limited (by me!!!)  buffet of people who are at any given time, both likeable and not likeable, narcissistic and all over the social media platforms, unapologetically. ;)~

That and Grey’s Anatomy, is what I watch on You Tube or Netflix on my tablet, even though I have SMART TV!!!!

Comments that are constructive are welcomed.

Comments that lack creativity and are based in hate, well depending on the stupidity level of what’s being said, may or may not be addressed.


What would you do if you won the lottery???


Disclaimers: No serious disclaimers, just another blog trying to be more personally positive, in my own unique way.

So, this recluse as of late, has been home since Saturday afternoon.

The last thing I did before coming home, but after I finished running errands by myself, after I went out to lunch with my boyfriend, was buy lottery tickets for Saturday and tonight’s upcoming Mega Millions drawing, as they are on the huge side, although as a poor person, I’d appreciate winning $200, let alone over $200 million.

I already know it’s 1/2 that and it would be less, if you go for a full payout versus the annuity, but hear me out and then answer in kind, of what you’d do, if you like.

When I bought the tickets, the guy asked me what I’d do with the money.

I said it wasn’t a hard decision, because I have people who I’m indebted to with endless gratitude, that no matter how much money I gave them, it would never be enough to repay them, and that I’d split it equally in favor in that way.

And that I’d start a non profit, to help other complex disability patients.

The guy smiled at me and wished me luck.

And it’s true, I’d do exactly that.

I do have debts of gratitude that I’d never be able to repay, to my kids, to my parents, to my sisters, to my nephews and to my boyfriend.

And also to my primary care physician of over 18 years, but I don’t think she’d take any money from me, so I’d donate to a charity of her choosing.

So 1/6 to Zoe, 1/6 to Zach, 1/6 to my parents, 1/6 to my younger sister and her kids, 1/6 to my younger sister and her son and the last 1/6th would be split between my boyfriend and myself.

And yeah, I’d like to start a non profit but ain’t going to lie and say I’d do all good with the money. I’d probably build a nice house on some land or buy one in my daughter’s school district.

I’d do fun stuff for people who were nice to me on social media who never had any expectation other than doing something nice for someone.

So that’s where I’d start.

Wish me luck as Mega Millions drawing is an hour…

And I’d like to hear what and why you’d do with the money, if you care to share.

Note: Again, this is meant to be a light hearted blog.

No need for lectures or hate, OK?


Editorial Note: Updates I thought that took place before publishing didn’t, so I apologize for any confusion, as while I’m usually to blame for not being clear, in this instance it was WordPress and my device, to blame.

Although I did as a recluse, manage to leave my house for over 4 hours and totally forget my Fitbit Zip, cause I’ve been home so much. So for my social media peers who follow me on there or Facebook, which I’m not going to be on for awhile, it was better for me to not worry about going home to get my Fitbit Zip, but just continue being out and about, with my health issues, just worrying about concentrating on my own personal safety.

The BEST things to ever happen to me…


Disclaimers: There aren’t any or many, given the fact that this blog is personal and it’s meant to concentrate on what’s the best things about our lives. I might put restrictions at the end, only because I’m not going to be “babysitting” my Facebook and Twitter accounts, as I’m not on social media very much and don’t plan on going on either of those accounts, anytime soon. Thanks.

I’m trying to feel a little more positive about things, as of late. It’s kind of a struggle because I don’t feel the greatest and am kinda reclusive, while I can use the internet in a positive way, personally, I’d thought I’d try to extend that kind of positivity, in my own blog, where I do such serious life and death type of activism.

I’ve been trying to achieve that, by looking at the best things that ever happened to me and my best traits and concentrating on them, as of late, as well as of best things about people I admire versus the sucky mindset we can get into, if one is scared of a lot of things, that aren’t in the realm of their control, that sometimes we have to let that go, so we aren’t in a chronic panic anxiety state.

Here are the BEST things to happen to me, broken by year and event, in the last 3 decades for me:

1992- Zachary was born

1996- Going to London, as a poor single Mom on business with Princess Diana being on the flight.

2003- Zoe was born (and turns 15 in 2 1/2 weeks!!!)

2005- The hope I had as a single Mom of 2 amazing kids who was going to be a small business owner (I can use that as a good thing, even though my life didn’t turned out that way, because I remember I still had hope and was working hard to achieve a dream).

2011- Met my boyfriend who’s my best friend, who’s patient with having a girlfriend with medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities

2015- Going to Las Vegas, all by myself. Getting from McCarran International to the strip by bus and walking everywhere in between in the desert, with my current disability sets (which are now worse). Negotiating a decent hotel room rate and staying in a cool hotel (which trip is highlighted in a past blogs) like the Stratosphere, where I had a Jacuzzi tub and an amazing view from the 22nd floor.

2018-??? It’s gotta be something, cause while I can take pride in that I’m still an activist, from a “seize the day, even it’s only a DAY’ recluse point of view (will never be a YOLO chick, um just not me) have to do something.

Best skill sets I’ve had in the last 3 decades:

1988 to 2006: Could get decent jobs and had great interviewing skills. Never lived in fear while I was a functional mother, was in awe and grateful for the experience. Was a good friend. And was good at my jobs that I had and I would’ve been great at the business I wanted to start, had I not been so blindsided by circumstances that were not in my control.

2008-2011: A self awareness that I could survive a lot of bad things and circumstances and still have the decency to try to help people, even as minimally as it was, the best I could, which was very limited.

2011-2018: See directly above but add that I didn’t go through the bad stuff in vain, given my limitations, that it would be used to serve a greater good to people, in whatever way I could help, even being as limited as I am.

Knowing how to give a sincere compliment, genuine apology and constructive but kind feedback and insight. Still possessing a desire to help those who don’t have a voice and advocate on their behalf. Having the ability to engage in an intelligent conversation, debate or argument. Having gratitude for the smallest of good things and blessings.

1969-2018: Never taking anything or anyone that’s good for granted. Finding good things in trying adversity. even if it’s the little stuff.

SO,  between concentrating on the above, reading Mr. Rogers and Oprah quotes and trying to see those who overcame great odds and did good with their lives, is helping me try to not be as pessimistic, even though I’m kind of always going to be of “partly cloudy” at best, in personality.

So that’s mine. What are your best things in your life and your best skill sets???

Note: I have social media ties or know a bazillion wls peeps. Like seriously, A bazillion.

AND YES, I’d prefer you didn’t use a bariatric and/or reconstructive surgery as one of the best things that happened to you. That would count for not just wls but any surgery, unless someone’s sight was restored with corneal implants, or something extremely unusual.

I’m not trying to be mean, and I’m not short sighted, see my year “2005”.

You climbed Mt. Everest post rny gastric bypass???

Great, would love to hear about it. The fact you just had any weight loss surgery, you’re going to have to try harder, it’s for your own good, OK?


“State of Misgrace”……

(pic of me taken at Downtown Minneapolis Target) 7-1-2017.

Here’s what Google and search engines terms on WP tell me what you wanna know about me:

IF you’re a fat person hater (more about that, in THIS blog), Yeah, I am fat as fuck, over 15 1/2 years after gastric bypass surgery AND my sentence syntax still sucks, as well as YOUR search engine skills (and YOUR psyche) really SUCK, as I’m not hiding on social media(um ever hear of Facebook where my profile and pics is public and there’s like 2 people with my name out of 2 billion and only one “unstapledlisa on the planet, you dumb hateful fuckers) , this is far from the first/current full body pic, that you’ve managed not to found out about me, or anything else “hateable” about me.

IF you’re a weight loss/weight loss surgery peep who hates on people in the community (many of you don’t, that’s why I still co-exist in the wls communities :)), I ALREADY know you won’t EVER be like me, with complications and more importantly, that you won’t ever gain ANY of your weight back, like me AND at 2 1/2 years status post of weight loss surgery of your choice( the average length of time post surgery of my community of wls haters) , you ALREADY know everything, so congrats on both your XXX lbs gone FOREVER and being a bariatric surgical PRODIGY!!!

And fucking FINALLY, if you’re a Fat Acceptance advocate, I still defend my right to lose weight and anyone’s elses and find thin bashing STILL just as repugnant as fat bashing and/or not accepting and being respectful of people’s right to do with their OWN bodies, their business, so yeah, I’m epically failing as a FA, too.

NOW that we got the fun of BODY POLITICS outta the way, wanna talk about just good ole fashion “normal” (heh!) politics????)

***Trigger Warning/s: Even though this blog is more of an update/personal nature blog than activism, because I talk about serious subjects, even when I’m venting/ranting, which if a picture explanation, is just THAT wordy and ranty, I have a feeling that this will be much more of a “fun” blog to write, than it will be to read.

It’s too bad  I can’t rent my blog/me out, as a sedative.

HOWEVER, even when “venting” , I talk about serious subjects and sometimes when NOT in “activist” mode, make a little fun of them (my own issues). IF you’re easily triggered by serious topics and/or are a danger of hurting yourself or others, PLEASE seek professional help in acute care facility for evaluation and treatment. Also, if you’re triggered by profanity, please don’t read. Thanks!!!!***

Okay, with above business being taken care, I’m kinda pissed that I couldn’t title this blog “Fuck You 2017 and Fuck You, 47th year”.  Like I did with my birthday blog from last December. Well, I mean I could, it’s still a free country (no,not really) and there is still freedom of speech (no, not really, EITHER).

It’s more like there’s consequences (depending on who you are and I think because of KARMA (which I’m still NOT sure I believe in) or not, depending on who you are, or who you aren’t.

Or a scary amount of disproportionate consequences (or not) from your actions or lack of actions, regardless of how well meaning, misguided, to the downright evilness of intentions, depending on the person.

That’s the FUCKING problem, I’m dealing with, nowadays. I know what my problems are, genuine and irrational. I know how lucky I am, in a lot of ways. I’m still ALIVE, everyone I love the most is still ALIVE and my life is NOT the LIVING HELL that it was in 2006 to 2011.

But as the oldest and ongoing winner of the Ms. “has a fucking frightening lack of responsibilities in the” Universe pageant, my life ain’t the fucking bowl of cherries, it should be.

Or it’s one that I keep choking on the pits, so to speak.

When I think of my life, exactly 14 years ago, I was a full time employed single Mom of 2, with a great new baby girl and an awesome almost 11 year old son, who just returned back to work, after a 3+ month maternity leave (DAMN, I USED to be really good with money, among a zillion other things, then) my life wasn’t anything resembling this fucking hard, as it is now.

While I count my blessings for what great people my children have turned out to be and how sad I am, that I had so little to do with that (if you’re a new reader, that’s covered in many previous blogs).

I’m just really sad that this just seems to be such a fucked up scary world for them to exist in. And I can’t do much to protect them from that, except warn them of potential hazards, not going overboard, as I really don’t want to sully any kind of more positive outlook on life, they may have, compared to my outlook, but at the same time, I don’t want life to give them a big ole punch (ok, many fucking punches) in the gut, that they will hopefully survive (as well as THRIVE)  better, than their mother seemed capable of.

I just don’t want that to be my fucking legacy to them, my legacy to myself and/ or the world, for the matter(s).

And while I’ve accumulated, some (ok, very little) wisdom that normally comes with age and know who I am and am secure with who I am, as well as messed up about how my life turned out, I don’t want my legacy and/or my current identity tied up as “the loving single mother who had the great life experience of having 2 great kids, sharing a plane with Princess Diana (in 1996, also in other blogs) and the screwed up luck of having mental health issues that I was unaware of at the time in 2001, going into a gastric bypass, that I was lucky enough to have a brilliant surgeon who performed a technically performed bariatric surgery that I responded physically HORRIBLY to and nearly died from, and lost my crap and nearly got committed (also in other blogs) who ended up needing a gastric bypass reversal and is now a very wordy medical and mental health activist”…..

YIKES!!! That was a mouthful!!! It’s also the reason why the owner of this brain is not on Twitter, very much. Let alone social media (which I’ve written other blogs about) very much anymore.

I get that in this wordy ranty blog of mine, it’s taking me now 1100 words to make a point/s.

And like no one, except for me (on occasion) has that kind of attention span in 2017. And most people don’t have the time or the inclination to dwell on matters of this nature, even though as UNRELATABLE as most of my blogs are, to most people, I apparently resonate with quite a few, as my blog has been read in 87 countries (fun fact!!!) and 6 continents (Seriously, WTF, Antarctica, don’t people dwell about serious shit at 3 a.m, too???).

Apparently, some of my blogs, such as my most read blog, to date which the “The Project Harpoon People Can GO Fuck Themselves” (way to go ME, for keeping it classy and concise, right??) that I wrote 2 years ago, which I found myself the target of a group of haters on a site called Voat called “FatPeopleHate”  that popped up after the Harpoon peeps got shut down on Twitter, that I found a few weeks ago.

It’s not the first time I had found myself a target of haters or Fat Acceptance hatred. It was the first time of being eviscerated by a large group of people (1100 to be exact, holy shit, right???)  too mean, stupid and hateful to find out anything other about me, than I am wordy blogger who blogs about Fat Acceptance and had a gastric bypass (that and a bunch of other stuff about me, was in particular blog) that I apparently epically failed and was a bitter, ugly, fat as fuck 500 lb ugly chick who can’t write a simple sentence. And was hiding behind a blog.

Cause it’s not like I have full body pics from different times in my life to current times that are PUBLIC and can be found in about 2 seconds, when doing a search engine on me or my blog name, which I actually do have. And it’s not okay to body shame anyone in the manner they shamed me, regardless of how much I would weigh.

I guess that serves me right for finding that group, when “Googling” myself at 3 a.m…

I’m at  almost 1400 words (FUCK!!!)  and I’m finally am going to make my points!!! YAY!!!

I still at rotten overripe,oversized  and old age and person (by weight and looks) at an average size 14 and 47 1/2 in age,  get judged way more for what I look like and what I weigh (depending how fat or not fat enough, depending on who you’re asking) than anything I ever fucking  did or anything I ever fucking said.

By both people who know me well and people who don’t fucking know me at all. Or people who’s responsibilities are to know me better and/or not judge me (i.e. medical professionals/see past blogs on “md-ptsd”, although I advocate for clinically trained medical and mental health professionals, as they are their essence, human beings).

I get my own barriers and my unique barriers in resolving some of my issues. I even have the understanding of others barriers. And have empathy for most people.

EXCEPT for fucking  murder/suicide perpetrators, rapists, pedophiles and people who hate on any class of people for any reason, whether its on me or others and I can live with that.

I’m just having so much fucking trouble adapting to a world, that seems as it gets so technologically advanced, people become more scary and uncivilized to me. And I can’t do anything about that, other than to bring awareness, that while I know my own issues, that it could help, with removing stigma about so many things, for others to be aware of their own issues that could possibly interfere with others right to a safe and peaceful enjoyment life, too.

Not just for my sake. But for those who I love the most (i.e. my children) and so many innocent others, where we at a time, never had so much that should unite us, but is also dividing so many, at the same time.  Or that HATRED is uniting people, way more than acceptance (and again, if that doesn’t work, try apathy, yes, I said apathy not empathy. you don’t have to like, let alone love on something you’re predisposed to hate on, but try to at least be indifferent, OK?) should be and how terrifying I find all of this to be.

(see, for the 2 of you, non-haters, the above 5 paragraphs is the worthwhile reason I wrote this blog/you were rewarded for your patience)

How the FUCK do we FIX that!?!?

If you know, feel free and tell me, so. Try to be respectful about it, though, OK? I don’t go either in others online or offline spaces to make them feel unsafe. Either intentionally or unintentionally (though you now have a current pic, of what I look like, if you see me out and about). I know that this obscenely overweight smoking redhead does her fair share of scaring people, unintentionally, when out and about, in Downtown Minneapolis where I reside (which if that’s the case, stay home, because I’m definitely not the scariest thing  that you’ll encounter down here), I respect the right of others peaceful and safe enjoyment of their own lives, both in their private, public, offline and online spaces.

And wish that fucking everyone realized that everyone has a right to that. And now, over 2000 words, later, I made fucking finally made my point/s.

Note: If the rantiness and wordiness of this blog didn’t give you the clue, that I’m absolutely not going to give a shit, let alone post anything that has no resemblance to my “agreeing to disagree” respectfully stance, don’t waste my time or your own, by sending me something that I won’t read and I won’t publish, both in hatred of me, or any other.


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