It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for October, 2018

With bated breath …

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Disclaimers: I am NOT  a clinically trained professional in medical or mental health or possess any kind of education or training in any form of law enforcement.

IF someone you know is capable of hurting themselves and/or others, please contact emergency services in your location, immediately.

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I really wanted to title this blog “Hate Won”…

Because I’m really beginning to think that hate is winning out.

I’m also really beginning to think, that no matter what I or others say about learning how to agree to disagree, choosing apathy over hate and that NO matter what morally or ethically (there’s a difference with legal) transgressions that people do to another, we don’t have the right to pay back those transgressions with violent irreversible harm over another for those who have a predilection for crime or for those who snap (which quite a few domestic murder/suicides this year alone were committed by people with no legal history or history of mental illness) .

I thought about the very recent crimes that happened in the United States that triggered my writing this blog and realized it didn’t matter whether or not  I specified the crimes, well the crimes of course did matter, but the actual date’s crimes didn’t, for activism purposes, as this happens EVERYDAY, now.

I’m obviously NOT a psychiatrist who specializes in violent crime pathology.

You don’t need to be though, to have an opinion or if one has a desire  to try and help make the world a better place, to have an opinion.

Some of my blogs are meant to be “DBT on Demand” for those who refuse to seek treatment and try to bring awareness that their words and/or actions can be harmful, if not fatal to themselves and/or  others.

Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given has been by someone NOT familiar with my exact personal circumstances and was practically, if not, a total stranger.

Some of the best life saving advice that I’ve ever given (with above disclaimer that people in any kind of crisis need to be evaluated and treated by appropriate professionals, in appropriate facilities) is to people who I don’t know personally, but have found me because of this blog.

It just goes beyond my scope of comprehension, of how people can let unchecked rage due to rejection, that leads to deadly revenge or attempt to kill another.

For someone who’s been hated on by people, the majority of my entire life  because of weight and looks (being more on the unattractive side of the spectrum) most of my life, I’ve only turned rage inward and what I learned when I became a mother, untreated hatred even if it’s just limited to oneself, can have devastating emotional consequences on those who you love the most, no matter how unintentional.

I had to learn at a young age how to deal with rejection and while it wasn’t hurtful to others, it wasn’t constructive, either and it’s something some of us, especially for those of us who’ve really never fit in, have to check in with themselves and take personal inventory on how we react to that, so it does NOT  turn inward or externally to others, and sometimes people can do that on their own, others may need professional help.

It NEVER helps whether in the short or long run,  to retaliate either emotionally or physically against someone who you hate either because you loved them at one time and they emotionally hurt you or in a lot of cases now, where people want to retaliate against strangers who they have differences of opinions.

I’m trying to multiple things here, but one thing I should try to make clear, for a blog that’s intended to reduce violent crime, I’m going way out of my way to talk about LEGALITIES, because they cease to matter to an individual once they try to perpetuate violent crime.

I REALLY don’t want to write these kind of blogs, anymore.

But I still do, because I cannot bear to know that someone can try to go to work, to school, a place of worship or grocery shopping and never come back because they were murdered for one or many of multiple reasons that most people with a shred of ration and sanity could never commit, due to another’s hatred of something or someone.

I want to put it out there, in a way I’m capable and comfortable with, that exacting violent or really any kind of revenge, isn’t badass or noble, it’s quite COWARDLY and it’s the worst possible legacy one will leave and I really can’t understand why anyone would want to do that although I’m trying, in hopes for prevention of violent crime.

That it’s despicable shame that the energy used to hurt others can’t (although I’m TRYING) to encourage re-channeling of that negative to do something positively good for another/others.

Or at least to prevent harm to innocent people.

And again not everyone is going to love each other, but if you can’t find empathy, try apathy.

People cannot become desensitized to all this violence due to fear, even though it’s understandable because it’s too painful to think about this happening to your own loved ones.

So my challenge to you, my dear readers, as well as the rest of the universe is, everytime you have negative thought about any person in regards to race, religion, politics, gender identification/sexual preference and weight (whether it be people on the thinner or larger side of the spectrum) , try to find something positive about that person to counteract the negative energy to neutralize it.

Here’s an example: “That #@^^____!!! I hate #$^____, they can all jump off a bridge, as far as I’m concerned!!!”

Try this when having a thought like that to yourself (and maybe if and/or if you’ll ever be ready to something like that in public forum/fashion) “Hey that person is a human being, maybe I need to remind myself that before I pass judgment on ____ and _____ and____ as they aren’t hurting anyone or themselves, it’s truthfully, really none of my business”.

We aren’t born to hate.

Unfortunately though, we are conditioned to.

Unless one intentionally chooses to break that cycle of being a hater and the good news is you can.

Because something so small, could do so much for innocent others who are losing their lives daily, because people can’t contain rage from rejection and it leads to revenge.

There’s a good reason, I didn’t write a 3 word blog with a 3 word title called “Let It Go”.

Because people do many bad things based upon the “why”.

The where, what, how and who obviously matters, enormously as well.

So maybe if we try to break the cycle on hating, by teaching from the time people are young how not to  be hateful and how to agree to disagree with a no bullying/hate tolerance stance and reinforcing that lifelong, we may have a chance on reducing violent crime.

But until then, I wait with bated breath, for the next tragic news story, that’s bound to happen in this hate cycle our society is in.

Note: Anything that’s not constructive, will NOT be published.

How to NOT screw up any kind of an affordable housing search…

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Disclaimers: I’m passionate about there being all kinds of affordable housing. I concentrate on the Twin Cities, where I live, but a lot that I say could apply for rooms in houses, condos and in apartments and one’s own apartment in the United States.

If one is in a crisis that’s not life threatening but that will lead to loss of a current residency, the best place to start is by contacting one’s local Department of Human services and they may be able to help.

As always, if someone is in a crisis physically or mentally, please seek acute help in clinical facility (i.e. a hospital) and they usually can help with ideas for potential housing retention or finding temporary housing once a patient has been treated.

I don’t ever mean to be mean spirited when it comes to this topic, I’m quite blunt though as there’s so much at stake, both for those who are looking for housing and for those who are providing it.

If I’m not clear about something, please ask for clarification before making an assumption. Thanks!!!

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Here are the mistakes people make when looking for housing on a tight budget:

1. Not knowing their market…

Like at all. There’s no shame being on a tight budget. The problem arises when people have unrealistic expectations of wants vs. needs on what they can realistically afford.

2. Potentially insulting a reasonable and decent landlord by using an excuse for wanting to pay less than the market demands…

I see these kind of ads on Craigslist (more about that NEXT) where people use excuses like wanting to pay less for a room because their saving up for a house of their own, they want to travel, etc.

Yes, you dear potential renter may be an ideal person to live with. Most people though don’t rent out rooms in their homes or condos due to altruism, though.

If you wouldn’t go to a Burger King, a fancy steakhouse or car lot, expecting that kind of financial accomodation, why would anyone owe you space for super cheap, in what’s probably the most valuable asset financially and emotionally they own or will be paying off for decades or could be financially on the line if someone damages their property?

3. Where people look for housing…

Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist…

It may be a great place to get a cheap couch. It’s way less than ideal 95% of the time to look for a safe place to live.

Worse than that and heed this particular warning very carefully as I’m very clear about this, I see single women unsafely post pictures of themselves that are sort of risque, in nature. NO ONE ever asks or deserves to be raped or assaulted. But a lot of people both men and women on CL aren’t the greatest landlords,  and may have harmful predatory motives, even if you say that you don’t want any type of sexual/platonic relationship but you post a picture that’s more appropriate for Plenty of Fish, then it is for LinkedIn

Expect a backround check and do the same and realize as police officers say about speeding tickets, most people get away with speeding hundreds of times before they’re caught, use due diligence when looking for a place to stay and only a reputable landlord would do the same.

4. Having a super entitled ATTITUDE…

People expecting somewhere for almost free, not having any income source and having a long list of wants vs. needs, see above 1,2 and 3, again and #5.

When looking for housing, making it clear you’re NOT open to a backround or credit check, you don’t know the market, you have a list of demands that belong on an expensive housing show, is an open invitation like the above 3 points, except that you are good humor to what would’ve been a decent landlord, had you come off as potential decent tenant.

5. Not realizing the seriousness of looking for housing, that you would for ANY  of the most important decisions you’ll make, even if you’re not buying…

Where you look, where you live, who you live with matters. The same applies to you as a tenant, ENORMOUSLY.

So does the why and what you’re looking for in housing and being honest about past mistakes that could show up on backround check.

If you use a non vetted free site for housing, you get what you paid for, which at best is nothing, at worst is a total nightmare situation to live in,  or you don’t realize one is the nightmare themselves which either/or, which could put you in physical, financial and legal jeopardy.

Have enough respect to be a decent tenant, expect  to network (and have to work and research)  for reputable housing and housing like many things of value and held in the highest regard,  is NOT something people are just going to take your word for that you’re a good tenant and a good person, just like you shouldn’t take people’s word that they are a good landlord.

You wouldn’t get a decent job (or almost any job or anything of value) based upon one’s word, why would housing be any different?

If you can’t respect yourself enough to be a decent respectful tenant, think of what you’d want for a loved one, although that’s kind of difficult for people to do when in crisis of some kind, so get professional help for that, before making other major life decisions that could negatively impact your life or  innocent others, if you have barriers that make looking for housing that’s in your income bracket unattainable for reasons other than financial and there is a ton of resources in ones locale, usually that can help, at least as a place to start, if you don’t know where to.

I’m far from perfect. And I have housing from a non profit that believes in second chances, which I’ve proved I was worth that.

All I’m trying to say is realize you get what you put into a housing search, you get what you pay for and this is too important of a life decision to not be realistic and educated of what you can afford and where you can find it.

Peace.

Note: I welcome respectful dialogue or difference of opinions. Nothing triggering to myself or an innocent reader, will be published.

Please don’t waste my time or yours, with that kind of stuff. Thanks!!!

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