It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for February, 2014


Well there is no one universal truth about ANYTHING. So weight loss surgery would be included in that. But  I actually think there’s only one, and I’ll leave ya hanging for a bit until I decide to share that with you…And I’m more then happy to discuss or debate this with anyone who will disagree with me. While I discuss MY opinions on weight loss surgery. More positive then you’d expect from someone who nearly died from weight loss surgery complications obviously a lot of resentment from someone who did nearly die from complications and has to live with being disabled and fat again. And who’s supportive of choice.

Meaning that people who have weight loss surgery should not get judged for having a surgical intervention, nor should anyone get judged for being fat enough to get it, nor should people get judged for not wanting to feel like that they have to lose weight. Or that they are failures if they regain weight post weight loss surgery or never get to their or their surgeon’s goal for them.

I was thinking of what to call this blog or exactly what I wanted to discuss. Because of my disabilities discussed ad nauseum in previous blogs of mine, what should end up being 2,3 or 4 blogs, I lump in one blog.

Most of my social media peeps know that I don’t watch a lot of television. Yes, I’m digressing, and yes, it’s on purpose this time.  I I do have a love/hate relationship with the TLC channel. And despite my best attempts not to watch most shows regarding weight loss as I find them sensationalized at the expense of the people who are portrayed on them, I kinda have a fascination with “My 600 lb life”.

Most of my fellow weight loss surgery peers who I co-exist with, well we all have our differences in opinions on the show. Some people will not watch for reasons as stated above, some do, happy that weight loss surgery has a place on television and a lot of us are angered at the fact that because it capitalizes on sensationalism of some aspects of weight loss surgery that is not the norm, even though it’s appreciated among the weight loss surgery population that all of our stories i.e. “wls journies”, matter and do vary.

I’ve learned more then I ever dreamed that I’d need to know about weight loss surgery. While I adore my “wls peeps” and we agree to disagree as I’m respectful of my friends who advocate for wls (I don’t advocate, but I do defend people’s right to have wls and my not projecting my issues with weight surgery on the wls community, just like they appreciate that I’m willing to subject myself to a lot of judgment for wanting to support people both in good times and in bad post weight loss surgery as I can relate to both).

This is the one thing I disagree with. And I’ll be honest enough, like usual to admit, I didn’t have weight loss surgery for my health. I had it because I hated being fat in a world that hated me for being fat from the time I was very young. It’s something I don’t talk about much in the wls community because it goes against most of what my wls peers believe in. You’ll have to decide for yourself the relevance of this knowing that I’m too broken and too jaded to do anything for my health. I’m not self destructive nor do I want to hurt anyone with my beliefs or my blog either… But here’s the secret, I’ve been harboring. It’s not that I don’t share it because I’m afraid of rocking the boat. It just hasn’t been relevant up until now.

Here it goes… I do NOT believe that “Obesity” in itself is a disease. The reference though however is major, in the respect that I do believe “Obesity” as my weight loss surgery peers define it, IS a multi-faceted complex disease as it applies to those who participate in the show “My 600 lb life”, that’s why I referenced it.

I do relate in some way to those who feel that way,because I will always have some form of eating disordered behavior and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my weight is comfortable, because it’s not. Most people do not have fluctuations in their weight like I do (even though I haven’t been “thin” for almost half of my “weight loss surgery journey” life, now (My laproscopic gastric bypass was on 12/5/2001 and it originally SAVED my life due to non weight related issues) and my gastric bypass was reversed to save my life after a major weight regain 9/7/2010 (I can’t make this crap up). I was NOT revised to another weight loss surgery because I was in worse health from having weight loss surgery and it wasn’t worth the risk to revise me to another weight loss surgery and the risks of my having more complications due to another weight loss surgery was more realistic then my dying from any “obesity” related health issues, which I’ve never had other then the mental anguish that goes with being fat from the time someone is a young child. And while most people relate to some aspect of “Obesity” being a disease, I don’t believe it is for everyone. For those it applies to, though, that’s why we need support.

So….That’s my truth and opinions regarding weight loss surgery. But everyone’s truth post weight loss surgery, regardless of what weight loss surgery they elect, will vary and be as unique as we all are. The ONLY thing we have in common is we chose a surgical intervention to lose weight. That’s it…

Here is the ONE truth about weight loss surgery, and it could be used as a metaphor for any struggle in life, that I’ve learned, and the sooner any of my weight loss surgery peers can get this they will be better off. It is expressed in how my fellow weight loss surgery peers do their advocacy as well as most bariatric surgeons offices try to relate this to the weight loss surgery community, pre-operatively as well as post operatively in supporting weight loss surgery patients, post operatively. It’s about as concise as I’m able to be, this is a big deal though. Because it’s one thing to know this on an intellectual level, it’s another thing to live it. So here it goes, according to me, the ONE TRUTH about WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY (and anything)

*It will NOT matter both short term or long term how much weight you lose or keep off, if you are mentally imprisoned in any way*. Some of us are mentally imprisoned by chemical make up. Losing weight and using weight loss surgery as a stepping stone to be in better health if that’s your goal, if you don’t learn balance in all areas, you will NOT be better off. Whether you have complications or not. Unless your work is based in bariatrics, that’s a little different. At the same time if you are happier and healthier and it’s not at anyone’s expense it’s not for people to judge. And judgment is not going to come from me. So hopefully this doesn’t seem judgmental….But there is a lot of truth in this paragraph. There has to be balance and we vary on how we struggle to find balance after we have weight loss surgery. But that could be said for almost every major life event. It’s just in my not so humble opinion that if one has a optimal experience post weight loss surgery that it still should not be the best thing that ever happened to them. I think it’s a sad reflection because in reality, it IS sometimes the best thing that happens to people in the weight loss surgery community for how poorly fat people are treated.

My other fellow weight loss surgery peers both who are pro-weight loss surgery and some are mixed and some are anti-wls their opinions may differ. As well as they talk about all other aspects of life, post operatively as a weight loss surgery patient, in their blogs, in their work. I do as well in the weight loss surgery community. This is though one of my few blogs that is strictly weight loss surgery related and falls within the realm of what *I* feel comfortable discussing, as my purpose is to support my weight loss surgery peers in a constructive and positive manner whether their weight loss surgery journies have been optimal OR a disaster.

Note: For my fellow weight loss surgery bloggers, you are more then welcome to add your blog in the comments. Because I’m controversial in the community my support of your work is NOT dependent on your being supportive of mine, publically. Although I do appreciate those who do support me publically on other social media venues.

I will post a separate blog for size acceptance so I ask that if you are fall into the category of being a wls peep who’s anti-wls, this is not the blog to comment on.


Who’s REALLY “The Biggest Loser”???….

   You couldn’t be on the internet for more then 5 seconds and not hear about the Rachel Frederickson’s shocking win on the “The Biggest Loser”…

  It probably trended more because I exist both as a long term weight loss surgery peer (for support, not by example) and size acceptance / fat acceptance peer as I believe the only thing you tell by someone’s size is how much space they take up.

  It’s probably a good thing as of late that no one is reading any of my blogs. Because this is what I have to say and it will probably offend EVERYONE. No holds barred and my honest brutal opinion that probably will leave me with a deficit of social media contacts by the time this is done if anyone actually DOES read this. 

  I think it’s a HORRIBLE of how harshly this woman is getting judged. As someone who’s heard more of her life that I was “too fat”. Then for about 3 years, I heard that I was “too thin”, “too sickly and “why don’t you eat a cookie?”  and that I “took the easy way out” by having weight loss surgery and it has BEYOND sucked being invalidated due to weight my whole entire life.

   I couldn’t give a FUCK less, if she went on a national television show that I loathe for multiple reasons and would NEVER watch and people think she deserves to get judged. She does NOT . I don’t give normally “TBL” any attention whatsoever in my mind and how I conduct my digital life. Nor would I normally give it any mention.  If people though want to watch it for any reason, they can knock themselves out. That gives absolutely no one absolutely ANY right,  “carte blanche” to hate on her.

 There’s nothing to gain, if you pardon the really bad pun, in those who normally  promote a “body diversity” accepting agenda, if people who HATE this show bash the contestants. We live in a society that conditions people, from the time they are very young to find adipose aesthetically displeasing and fat bigotry couldn’t be anymore rampant (I sincerely hope the universe DID NOT take that as a challenge). It still does not change Rachel’s right not to be hated for losing weight….

 While I’ll never join the “TBL” bandwagon, I couldn’t be anymore disgusted on how much hate and criticism that she is getting. Whether one is fat, formerly fat or has NEVER been fat, no one has a right to judge another, based upon looks and how much space they take up. What any of us have been called regardless of our size but because of it, that hurts, isn’t going to change by putting this woman down because she could’ve just gone on the show to not take up anymore space, and guess what? I get it. A lot of people who’ve been fat or are “formerly fat” and are now thin get it. Or like me who are fat again. Which I don’t love. But I’d be the most superficial person alive to judge myself about my weight, after nearly dying from everything I’ve done to get thin.

   I couldn’t handle the comments from the ONE and only media source I read an article on her. After seeing this trend ALL day. Bashing her and calling her names.

   I adore all my social media peers, regardless of what their beliefs are. I hope in this case we can respectfully agree to disagree. But I honestly think it’s wrong for anyone in my world, let alone the world in general to be so hateful to this woman.

    It makes our society for judging others so harshly on weight and for judging her to be truly the “biggest losers”…..There are NO winners when we war on weight for any reason and on any person of any size.

p.s. Rachel, you look beautiful, now. But you were just as beautiful before you lost weight.



   “Sometimes, it’s hard to find the words to say, I’ll go ahead and say them anyway”… Lily Allen AND me…     Lily Allen “Hard Out Here”….

 I will try this again from a different angle. For those of you, who’ve been continually supportive of me, both on Facebook and with my blog, I REALLY appreciate it. What I am about to say isn’t for you…
   I am horribly disappointed though that the last 2 blogs that I wrote, that were posted last night, had a combined hits of less then 2 dozen. Even my more poorly written blogs have had more hits and participation. I am however NEVER going to have a well written blog that follows a logical sequence of order. 
   Truthfully, I’ve pretty much figured out that quite a few of the people who I might follow and support who are writers, may not show me the same courtesy. Actually  most of them, they DO NOT. For these, I’m not talking about people who support me in other ways outside of my writing. I’m talking about my Facebook “friends” who think it’s just a privilege to be on their friends list. Which is going to change, soon. I don’t expect attention from everything I say on the internet.


   I’m talking about those who’ve NEVER, other then sent or accepted a Facebook Friend request and have NOT done anything else. While I’m never going to be close to being influential on social media and my social media contacts are diverse in their passions, you’d think there would be some appreciation. But there ISN’T any. And while I’m not obligated or forced to be FB Buds with them, their size of their EGOS are getting REALLY tiring. To the point I’m kind of in shock that the social media universe is big enough to contain them all… 

   My blog is in an ” extremely rough” state. Tell me something I don’t already know.  I don’t make any money from it. Because that’s not it’s purpose. I am trying to get editing help, but I can’t wait with my cognitive damage for that to happen. I have to write when I think about it and have the ability, even though I’m NEVER going to be capable of writing well. It took 3 years of gaining the courage to even launch it…
   I am though trying to prove with my blog that people with medical and mental health and cognitive disabilities should be able to have their stories told, too. Even if they have break every law in the English language to do that. Like I do. And I just haven’t limited myself to one area or topic…. I can’t always be in serious activist mode. Nor, can I always be “funny”, either…. 


   I understand that in addition to the barriers that I have, one of the reasons I may not be read is in addition to making people uncomfortable when talking about things that I’m trying to remove stigmatization, when I’m in “stealth” activist mode, that my usage of profanity can be a deterrent.

   As I try to be as “pc” as possible, and not trigger anyone, that’s IMPOSSIBLE though. I can’t protect the internet or those I care about on Facebook from ugly words and ugly circumstances. That’s FUCKING life though. GET OVER IT….

   If we are trying to promote diversity and acceptance  in the tangible, when it comes to people, WHY can’t we do the same with the intangible and their thoughts and how they express them? While what I have to say, I know may not be relevant to EVERYONE, it could be serving a bigger and better purpose then it is right now, if more people would actually give me a chance and read me. My earlier blogs while being a very hard and humiliating thing to write AND to read, did help an enormous amount of people.

    I wouldn’t stoop nor would I want to be forwarded out of pity. I’m not that hard up for hits. It’s not like I’m striving  to make the Huffington Post. Just would like the opportunity to reach and be exposed to more people and possibly inspire those who want to write and have something to say, to not let cognitive barriers or prejudices for those with similar or different belief systems then me from keeping them from sharing their truths…

   Hopefully, going forward it won’t be so “hard out here” for a medically, mentally and cognitively disabled BITCH with funny, insightful and unique perspectives on things that do have relevancy to lots. Hopefully if it doesn’t happen for me, in my attempt to do this, I’m hoping I’ve helped out others in trying to pave a path….

    The blogosphere and the internet would be extremely BORING, if we all looked, thought and expressed ourselves, the same…… But until it proves me wrong, I’m glad I have artists like Lily Allen to listen to and inspire me to buck conventional norm…And to auditorally (yes, I KNOW I made up a word) drown my sorrows in…

    Would love to hear any of your insights, advice  thoughts, ideas and opinions…..

Here’s some Lily Allen below if you should need her, too 🙂 … Most of you should know if you don’t already, that my blog is not probably ideal material to teach young vulnerable minds to read or write from or watch any of my links  😉

#FacebookIs10 / part 2….

   While my first blog in regards to Facebook turning 10, was lighthearted, this blog is not….. 

   While I watched with tears and smiles all my Facebook friend’s “Facebook Movies”, kind of in awe…

   Some things, have been haunting me for awhile as it applies to Facebook, though…. 

   I love the connection that Facebook provides us….

   But I do fear that the connection is used too often to replace what could be precious moments shared offline…

   As someone who has complex medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities and can’t control what I remember and what I don’t, and has nearly died a couple of times, in the last 10 years, this is what I have to say….. And to remind you of…

   Disregard those who bring negativity to your life both digitally and offline and are a drain on your time, resources and your spirit….And if you done this (as I have) apologize. Or realize others barriers, and forgive them for YOURSELF as well as them….. 

   Treasure and don’t ever forget to thank those who’ve been kind  and supportive to you  with whatever resource they’ve chose to share. I’ve had friends because of Facebook that I’ve never met “in real life” who’ve sent some clothes, made me presents and sent other gifts. Those who’ve enriched my life with support, education and laughter with their time, all of these things mean so much to me as far as time and resources that has been given to me….. And in return, I’ve tried to “pay it forward” as far as helping and supporting others, to the best of my abilities, which are limited….

   For my Facebook friends and my “in real life” people who’ve passed on, they’ve sadly proven life is too short. While the connections we can have online are precious, they aren’t meant to replace time offline with people you cherish. So make an effort when you can to connect offline as well (Just don’t forget to share it on Facebook, OK 🙂 ) Because you aren’t guaranteed an infinite time to create offline moments with others. We read too often about people talking about getting together, and then because Facebook and other social media sites make it easier to stay connected without having to make an effort, realize the hardest way, the opportunities can be lost when those we care about the most, we don’t make the effort to see them in person. So don’t wait, until it’s too late, OK?

  Because while Facebook is meant to mean so many things, it’s not meant to be one’s life…. I think it’s an amazing way to enrich our lives, YES. But life is meant (even for those with the most limited resources and capabilities and are homebound, like I am most of the time) NOT to be lived on social media….No one’s ever gotten to the end of their life, and said “Damn, I should’ve spent more time on a digital device and less time with people that I l love”…..So get offline and discover this really cool thing…It’s called “outside, with other people and NO digital devices”  OKAY? It can be really rewarding if you give it a chance…

But again, I am in awe of what Facebook has brought to my life and those I love and would’ve NEVER had the opportunity to have in my life without Facebook.. Happy 10th Birthday, Facebook…….


Happy 10th Birthday (and Damn You) Facebook !!! …..
If you don’t find me funny enough to read, at least trust me, this video is funny enough to watch and share this (my blog, which I make absolutely NO money from whatsoever in it’s current crusty state) And let me know in the comments of which Facebook personality you fall into if you’d like, as well as the ones you think they might have missed. I happen to have apparently multiple Facebook personalities (and NO, I’m not mocking those who have Multiple Personality Disorder)

Dear Facebook,

   Thank you for the stunning realization that while I’ve thought about quitting you as of late, I just can’t. I don’t know how much sense this will make as my intelligence quotient is at a deficit from watching the nifty Facebook “movies” in honor of your 10th birthday. As I’ve only watched mine and my friends about eleventy trazillion times.

   But when I think about quitting you, Facebook, I think about how easy you’ve made it for me to get and give support. How easy you’ve made it for me to get entertained and entertain (and why the HELL aren’t you paying me for this, yet???(and no I’m NOT that delusional, but a woman who’s disability sets are complex can ONLY hope this might happen) And how easy it is to both be able to be ego-centric and caring about others in catering to my interests. Which never fail to screw up your algorithms and I probably have the most WACKY conflicting newsfeed and sponsored advertising, EVER, of the billion or so of us who use you (so in all fairness, it’s just as well that you use us, back 😉 )

  You be my one and only as it applies to social media (ok, that’s NOT true, as I do have a blog, here to promote… But SERIOUSLY, Twitter’s 140 character max is for the birds (get it?) I can’t usually contain myself in 140 SENTENCES… And I might be having a fling with You Tube but I’m in it for the music, ONLY (good thing none of my vlogger friends actually read my posts on Facebook or blogs, eh) ….

    So while I fight the changes (I am so sorry for being a bitch about the Timeline, for someone who’s cognitively impaired, it’s probably the best thing to have happened to me, so PLEASE don’t change that, OKAY?) And just keep being you…. One of the most fascinating, frusturating but we can’t get enough of, most brilliant, innovative, maddening and beloved  venture of the millennium…
              Happy 10th Birthday, Facebook…. And if society doesn’t totally deconstruct as we know it, hopefully there will be many more….. 

                    Love Always, (from your favorite multi-polar disordered (I just invented it the disorder, watch for it in DSM VI, as I can have 17k different conflicting opinions on the same matter as shown in this whatever you call it) wickedly funny, brutally honest, ranty and wordy user of all time)….                Lisa

note: Feel free to watch my “Facebook” movie at Lisa Kasen and to follow me there as well. All of my readers with the exception of one have proven to be much smarter then I am (yes “Mila” that would be you, you narcissistic, ingrateful, ego-centric wench) and if you’d like me to see yours and I’m not FB buds or following you, feel free to give me the details below or privately….




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