It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

   “Sometimes, it’s hard to find the words to say, I’ll go ahead and say them anyway”… Lily Allen AND me…     Lily Allen “Hard Out Here”….

 I will try this again from a different angle. For those of you, who’ve been continually supportive of me, both on Facebook and with my blog, I REALLY appreciate it. What I am about to say isn’t for you…
 
   I am horribly disappointed though that the last 2 blogs that I wrote, that were posted last night, had a combined hits of less then 2 dozen. Even my more poorly written blogs have had more hits and participation. I am however NEVER going to have a well written blog that follows a logical sequence of order. 
 
   Truthfully, I’ve pretty much figured out that quite a few of the people who I might follow and support who are writers, may not show me the same courtesy. Actually  most of them, they DO NOT. For these, I’m not talking about people who support me in other ways outside of my writing. I’m talking about my Facebook “friends” who think it’s just a privilege to be on their friends list. Which is going to change, soon. I don’t expect attention from everything I say on the internet.

 

   I’m talking about those who’ve NEVER, other then sent or accepted a Facebook Friend request and have NOT done anything else. While I’m never going to be close to being influential on social media and my social media contacts are diverse in their passions, you’d think there would be some appreciation. But there ISN’T any. And while I’m not obligated or forced to be FB Buds with them, their size of their EGOS are getting REALLY tiring. To the point I’m kind of in shock that the social media universe is big enough to contain them all… 

 
   My blog is in an ” extremely rough” state. Tell me something I don’t already know.  I don’t make any money from it. Because that’s not it’s purpose. I am trying to get editing help, but I can’t wait with my cognitive damage for that to happen. I have to write when I think about it and have the ability, even though I’m NEVER going to be capable of writing well. It took 3 years of gaining the courage to even launch it…
 
   I am though trying to prove with my blog that people with medical and mental health and cognitive disabilities should be able to have their stories told, too. Even if they have break every law in the English language to do that. Like I do. And I just haven’t limited myself to one area or topic…. I can’t always be in serious activist mode. Nor, can I always be “funny”, either…. 

 

   I understand that in addition to the barriers that I have, one of the reasons I may not be read is in addition to making people uncomfortable when talking about things that I’m trying to remove stigmatization, when I’m in “stealth” activist mode, that my usage of profanity can be a deterrent.

   As I try to be as “pc” as possible, and not trigger anyone, that’s IMPOSSIBLE though. I can’t protect the internet or those I care about on Facebook from ugly words and ugly circumstances. That’s FUCKING life though. GET OVER IT….

   If we are trying to promote diversity and acceptance  in the tangible, when it comes to people, WHY can’t we do the same with the intangible and their thoughts and how they express them? While what I have to say, I know may not be relevant to EVERYONE, it could be serving a bigger and better purpose then it is right now, if more people would actually give me a chance and read me. My earlier blogs while being a very hard and humiliating thing to write AND to read, did help an enormous amount of people.

    I wouldn’t stoop nor would I want to be forwarded out of pity. I’m not that hard up for hits. It’s not like I’m striving  to make the Huffington Post. Just would like the opportunity to reach and be exposed to more people and possibly inspire those who want to write and have something to say, to not let cognitive barriers or prejudices for those with similar or different belief systems then me from keeping them from sharing their truths…

   Hopefully, going forward it won’t be so “hard out here” for a medically, mentally and cognitively disabled BITCH with funny, insightful and unique perspectives on things that do have relevancy to lots. Hopefully if it doesn’t happen for me, in my attempt to do this, I’m hoping I’ve helped out others in trying to pave a path….

    The blogosphere and the internet would be extremely BORING, if we all looked, thought and expressed ourselves, the same…… But until it proves me wrong, I’m glad I have artists like Lily Allen to listen to and inspire me to buck conventional norm…And to auditorally (yes, I KNOW I made up a word) drown my sorrows in…

    Would love to hear any of your insights, advice  thoughts, ideas and opinions…..

Here’s some Lily Allen below if you should need her, too 🙂 … Most of you should know if you don’t already, that my blog is not probably ideal material to teach young vulnerable minds to read or write from or watch any of my links  😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0CazRHB0so

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