” I’d like to thank my lucky stars, to be living here today, cause the flag stands for freedom and they can’t take that away” Lee Greenwood “God Bless the USA”…..
Well in some cases, freedom CAN be taken away…. I will elaborate…
So while the 4th of July, means celebration for so many Americans of when we celebrate our freedoms, that and January 1st, 2010, as well as EVERY day, I celebrate of what it means to be free, but I also personal ruminate, of freedoms lost in the past.
One of the reason’s why I stopped blogging this year, is because when I reread some of my blogs, when I talk about the time I spent in the mental health system, there was inconsistencies. As I would say either 15 to 16 months.
Thanks to a website called http://www.converterunits.com, I plugged in the date of my suicide attempt which was 8-12-2008, and the date I moved out of the last group home I was in (I was in 2 group homes, post suicide attempt. Was in psych ward for 35 days, then from 9-15-2008 til early December 2008, was in a 90 day intensive behavior treatment program. Then I was in a group home for severely mentally ill people from 12-2008 to January 1st, 2010, when I moved out on my own after getting my back pay). I also plugged in how long I’ve not been raising my children now.
I spent almost 508 days in the system, exactly 1 year, 4 months and 20 days, to move out on my own, only to spend an enormous amount of time, in 2010, in the hospital or on campus of it due to my rapidly deteriorating with still having major gastric bypass complications.
5 years ago, in 2010, I spent 4th of July, by myself, as I was still quite sick (and trying not to die from those pesky g.i. bleeds) at home, quietly. My gastric bypass was reversed a little over 2 months later on 9-7-2010.
While I’m missing a lot of holidays as of late, with my boyfriend, in the last year, due to not feeling well (I have seen my children, recently and I’m happy to say it’s gone awesome. Especially with my youngest, who realizes I have complex disabilities and doesn’t take it personally). While I started this 4th of July, at his house, I am now home, as I wasn’t feeling well.
This 4th of July, in 2015, is the 7th one, not being with my kids. Well I was with my children on July 4th, 2008, and have very little memory of it. I remember because we could see fireworks from our deck, in the last apartment we lived together. As I how drove by then, was also, nothing short of frightening, I didn’t them to unnecessary places, as I was a public safety hazard, the last 2 years that I drove, due to my medical health issues.
While I always miss my children horribly, they are doing great. I am happy about that. I am happy that I’m not near death like I was 5 years ago, or in the system like I was for Independence Day 2009.
I am grateful to those who fought for our freedoms and to protect them, such as our military and police officers. I’m grateful to those who I love the most, by taking care of my children, while I had to fight for my own freedoms and then my life, 5 years ago. And I was quite sick, still, from gastric bypass complications AND my reversal, July 4th, 2011. And I’m grateful for my boyfriend and his family, who I spend most holidays with.
For as much as I complain about not feeling well, and I really am in severe chronic pain, most of the time, any crappy day on my own, is much better, than a great day, in the mental health system. Or nearly dying several times and being in a medical facility so much. It never gets old, even the most basic things, after losing basic freedoms of choice, such as what and when I can eat, what medications I can take, where I can go, I don’t have to account to ANYONE other than myself, on a daily basis, let alone, an hourly one.
I still believe after what happened to me, with my mental health issues in 2008, that while I paid dearly, I still think we live in the greatest country in the world.
Happy 239th Birthday, United States of America, and to all and kind of selfishly, to me, let freedom ring.
Wishing everyone a safe and fun, 4th of July weekend……….