It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

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“It’s NOT fair/Bad Example”……

lisa1010smoking

You wanna bad example??? Or examples of things NOT being fair…

I’m not writing this blog for my subscribers, it’s to respond to comments regarding my weight, where for a refreshing change, as it applies to some in the bariatric surgical community.

Versus the “fat people” hate, I’ve been getting lately…..

Here are your trigger warnings: I talk about intentional weight loss, so if that it’s a trigger or profanity, please don’t read.

HOWEVER, if you’re like some weight loss surgery peeps who like most people can’t figure out how someone almost 16 years post gastric bypass keeps off some weight (a little over half, at this point) and are confused what my 2nd bariatric surgery was, I’ll make it crystal clear and through in some proof, and I’ll hopefully I’ll NEVER have to blog about this again.

So, I’m minding my own business, today (like I do EVERYDAY) . I’ve been homebound last couple of days due to not feeling well, when I get an email regarding my gastric bypass “reversal”.

Well it was an email reaming me out by someone who had bariatric surgery around the same time that I had my reversal and was calling out me out on the fact that I have kept off some weight (at this point over 1/2 excess and regain, which by bariatric surgeons’s standards makes my gastric bypass, a SUCCESS, as the usual universal standard for bariatric surgical success, is keeping 1/2 excess weight post operatively…Heh)  and they had gained all their weight back by their 4th year post operative gastric bypass  and was looking to have a revision, even though they said they had been fairly compliant.

And had found me both on ObesityHelp.com and my Facebook page and had an issue that I could exercise and eat what I want, but that I was playing with fire, eating carte blanche and ruining my surgeon’s efforts to not only help me once, with weight but TWICE. As they didn’t believe I was reversed, but revised.

I am not saying the above with any judgement, as far as weight gain, post operatively. I know from being in the weight loss surgery communities now, for almost 16 years there is so many factors, that play into weight regain.

As well as my own experience with gaining my almost all my weight back, starting almost 7 years post gastric bypass due to psych meds.

The specifics and timetable of complications, regain and “reversal” are covered in many blogs on here.

I usually support the weight loss surgery community as a long term peer, best through OH.com. 90% of what I have to say is to help others, is received positively, including and especially from OH.com staff. The other 10% is really negative from fellow bariatric surgical peers, purposely misconstrued because I think my “reversal” status, if a bariatric patient can believe it, scares the HELL out of them, and that I get, if they are not emotional terrorists about it. Or my issues make them feel better about themselves, which makes them an emotional terrorist, picking on me, for no reasons.

While I support people who’ve had complications and/or reversals , through my blog, Facebook and OH.com, OH.com allows me to give advice when people ask for it, as a long term peer, even when they didn’t have complications, but the many different life adjustments that happen life long post weight loss surgery.

And UNLIKE most of my peers who’ve had nearly life ending and life ruining complications, I’m weight loss surgery positive, with ALL the weight loss surgeries, including gastric bypass.

Because while I know people who’ve died waiting for a serious medical intervention for bariatric surgical complications, I also know people who died for weight related health reasons who died WANTING, more than anything, bariatric surgery.

This is what I don’t understand. NO ONE is forced at gunpoint to read ANYTHING I write on the internet.

I go out of my way, for free, given all this free time I now have, that I NEVER asked for, due to multiple complex medical, mental and cognitive disabilities, to try and help people, the majority of time I’m on the internet.

I admit, I wasn’t perfectly compliant. I was a moderate smoker, at the time of my gastric bypass, who NEVER quit. That’s it. I didn’t drink alcohol, I take/took my vitamins, ate with compliance and exercised.

I didn’t ask for a gastric bypass reversal, which is what I had. I had to have one to save my life and to maintain what little life that I would have, should I live through my complications, should the reversal work.

And guess what??? The only thing that is not even guaranteed, is that one will most likely live through their reversal vs. die from their complications. Or have somewhat of a better health outcome, because no one goes into bariatric surgery either thinking they will have complications or weight of a starving person, or in my case, where I was heavier than most people reversed, the labs of a starving person, multiple complications and a primary reason for reversal was so I didn’t internally bleed to death.

And before any weight loss surgery peeps blame me as a smoker, while I don’t advise smoking, I know people who smoked a lot and drank a lot and never had a G.I. bleed.

I don’t go to anyone’s spaces on the internet, tell them what they are doing wrong with their life, how they should look, behave and weigh.

All I’m asking is for the same fucking courtesy…..

You wanna know what’s not fair, as it applies to me, as well as my family, is that I was compliant.

That I should’ve been known as a bariatric specializing Certified Personal Trainer and successful small business owner who was a mother of 2 and loves her kids more than anything.

Not the trainwreck that my life became post gastric bypass, epic nervous breakdown and suicide attempt in 2008, that makes me NOW, known as the wordy reversed chick.

I will try to help almost anyone, with anything I can, as far as my time, to help, restricted to online.

But please don’t be a bariatric surgical peep telling me that life post operatively from a gastric bypass perspective, was fucking more fair to me, it was NOT. Even though I’ve heard stories and supported people who had it worse than me, and if they lived, they don’t go around telling others how unfair it was, compared to other bariatric surgical outcomes that didn’t have complications. Or people who had not as many major ones.

Not to mention those who did die from their complications.

Not all reversed gastric bypass peeps can eat like I can. And guess what, I can’t eat carte blanche, but I can eat somewhat normally, after almost 7 years post reversal and that I’m grateful for.

And am not going to apologize for that. Or living the little life that I have, without micromanaging my weight and what I eat, for the rest of my life.

My bariatric surgeon in early 2010, during my 1st hospitalization of that year, when I was begging for a revision, wouldn’t revise me, due to the extent of my complications. 6 months later when he brought a reversal to save my life, he made it clear, that was my only choice to live and while he never made one negative comment about my weight (as he understood meds played into my enormous regain, without being able to eat much or keep down what I ate, due to those bleeding ulcers).

As well he NEVER suggested any type of non surgical weight loss treatment, but did it make it clear, that if I’d gain a lot of weight, I’d most likely be ineligible for ANY of the bariatric surgeries, regardless of how much I weighed (if I’d become morbidly to supermorbidly obese) or if I’d develop co-morbids, but I was more at risk for dying due to how I responded to a perfectly performed rny.

So that’s why I make some effort to keep some of my  weight off. And don’t feel like I failed the world at large or the bariatric surgical community that I’m not thin, any longer.

I’m really fucking sick of having to explain all of this. Over and over again.

And of all of the judgement people have NO problem throwing my way.

I get that there are people out there, who have to I guess blame, bully and bother complete strangers that NO ONE is forcing them to pay attention, to.

I’m not even fucking asking, for people to pay attention to me.

IF you really care about what’s unfair, how about kids who get cancer and killed in schools??? Or about both children and adults who lose loved ones due to illness, accidents, injury??? Which is what I’m kind of really stressing out about, mostly. Among other things. I live 2 blocks away from a level 1 trauma center, which I hear the sirens all the time.

And here in Minneapolis today, an innocent person died due to being at work and people were injured when a school had a gas explosion. And it feels worse to even have to think that if that gas explosion occurred 6 weeks from now, it would’ve been catastrophic.

So hopefully that clears up how I feel about people having no problem harassing me, in this case about my gastric bypass reversal but trying and being able to keep some weight off.

And if you don’t believe I had a reversal, here you go:


There’s no coding for gastric bypass reversals. The above should tell you anyone, even though it’s really none of their fucking business, and certainly not to judge, if discredit, my medical history, that I’ve only been forthcoming about my medical and mental health issues to help others.

Although if you’re going to do something so shitty, like others do to me about my reversal and regain/keeping some weight off issues, better to do it to me, than to someone who’s possibly in both medical and mental health crisis and you could seriously emotionally harm.

I’ve lived through enough shit that while I don’t love all the inaccurate assumptions about my life and life choices, I’ll be okay.

Someone else, though, may NOT be. Knock this kind of shit, off……

Seriously!!! For those who do this kind of crap, shame on you!!!

Note:  You can’t defend the hate and hurtful comments that I and others like me, receive in these instances. Don’t even try. The only reason why this is being blogged is that I’ve gotten enough crap about all aspects of my weight and bariatric surgical outcome and I”m really fucking sick and tired of it.

And have a right to defend myself and others like me, who may not have a voice……

And if for whatever reason, people can’t see how toxic they are, when they tell people who didn’t ask them for input, about why someone, post operatively is able to keep weight off, when they can’t, feel free to ENJOY(for the wrong reasons)/RESENT/THINK I’M THE UGLIEST WOMAN WHO’S UNFORTUATELY FOR YOU STILL ALIVE of the pics of me living my life and what I look like to being okay looking to horrifically sick, when it’s been HELL to life when it was great, but at least I’m ALIVE (pics, at all different weights in the last 2 1/2 decades), in my previous blog, that was meant for those who hate on me, cause I’m too fat….

Also note, when a blog that I really shouldn’t have had to write, requires me, to go into my medical records and it’s something that’s painful for me (also discussed in many other blogs) for an hour to hunt “proof” of having a gastric bypass reversal, I had to edit blog within 90 minutes of publishing, for clarification of intent….

Picture Palooza (for my haters) …..

Unbelievable!!! Of just how much HATE I get for what I weigh and what I look like…

I can’t figure out for sure, if I’m getting out, of what I put in the digital universe, as far as hate on me for what I look like and what I weigh at times (which fluctuates, wildly both in what I look like and what I weigh.

I will NEVER understand how people hate on others, not before the digital age and certainly now while in it.

For people who like me for what I try to do to dispel stigma or like me, because I’m like a human being who wears a metaphoric “hair shirt” on the internet for free, so people might benefit from things I at times, learn the hardest way possible, I’m not looking for compliments, and I appreciate your support.

I hope I NEVER have to do something like this again, this IS pathetic (not me, MY HATERS!!!)

Where to find me:

Facebook-   Lisa Kasen Facebook profile is public, not dumb enough to allow non Facebook buds to be able to comment on posts…

Twitter-   UnstapledLisa

Instagram-  unstapledlisa

ObesityHelp/oh.com- LisaK/UnstapledLisa

Bariatric Pal-  Lisa Kasen/UnstapledLisa

Pinterest- unstapledlisa

LinkedIn: Lisa Kasen

I could only wish that people would find me, because they had good intentions, but whether intentions are good or bad, I’m rarely on social media!!!

 

 

 

 

“State of Misgrace”……

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(pic of me taken at Downtown Minneapolis Target) 7-1-2017.

Here’s what Google and search engines terms on WP tell me what you wanna know about me:

IF you’re a fat person hater (more about that, in THIS blog), Yeah, I am fat as fuck, over 15 1/2 years after gastric bypass surgery AND my sentence syntax still sucks, as well as YOUR search engine skills (and YOUR psyche) really SUCK, as I’m not hiding on social media(um ever hear of Facebook where my profile and pics is public and there’s like 2 people with my name out of 2 billion and only one “unstapledlisa on the planet, you dumb hateful fuckers) , this is far from the first/current full body pic, that you’ve managed not to found out about me, or anything else “hateable” about me.

IF you’re a weight loss/weight loss surgery peep who hates on people in the community (many of you don’t, that’s why I still co-exist in the wls communities :)), I ALREADY know you won’t EVER be like me, with complications and more importantly, that you won’t ever gain ANY of your weight back, like me AND at 2 1/2 years status post of weight loss surgery of your choice( the average length of time post surgery of my community of wls haters) , you ALREADY know everything, so congrats on both your XXX lbs gone FOREVER and being a bariatric surgical PRODIGY!!!

And fucking FINALLY, if you’re a Fat Acceptance advocate, I still defend my right to lose weight and anyone’s elses and find thin bashing STILL just as repugnant as fat bashing and/or not accepting and being respectful of people’s right to do with their OWN bodies, their business, so yeah, I’m epically failing as a FA, too.

NOW that we got the fun of BODY POLITICS outta the way, wanna talk about just good ole fashion “normal” (heh!) politics????)

***Trigger Warning/s: Even though this blog is more of an update/personal nature blog than activism, because I talk about serious subjects, even when I’m venting/ranting, which if a picture explanation, is just THAT wordy and ranty, I have a feeling that this will be much more of a “fun” blog to write, than it will be to read.

It’s too bad  I can’t rent my blog/me out, as a sedative.

HOWEVER, even when “venting” , I talk about serious subjects and sometimes when NOT in “activist” mode, make a little fun of them (my own issues). IF you’re easily triggered by serious topics and/or are a danger of hurting yourself or others, PLEASE seek professional help in acute care facility for evaluation and treatment. Also, if you’re triggered by profanity, please don’t read. Thanks!!!!***

Okay, with above business being taken care, I’m kinda pissed that I couldn’t title this blog “Fuck You 2017 and Fuck You, 47th year”.  Like I did with my birthday blog from last December. Well, I mean I could, it’s still a free country (no,not really) and there is still freedom of speech (no, not really, EITHER).

It’s more like there’s consequences (depending on who you are and I think because of KARMA (which I’m still NOT sure I believe in) or not, depending on who you are, or who you aren’t.

Or a scary amount of disproportionate consequences (or not) from your actions or lack of actions, regardless of how well meaning, misguided, to the downright evilness of intentions, depending on the person.

That’s the FUCKING problem, I’m dealing with, nowadays. I know what my problems are, genuine and irrational. I know how lucky I am, in a lot of ways. I’m still ALIVE, everyone I love the most is still ALIVE and my life is NOT the LIVING HELL that it was in 2006 to 2011.

But as the oldest and ongoing winner of the Ms. “has a fucking frightening lack of responsibilities in the” Universe pageant, my life ain’t the fucking bowl of cherries, it should be.

Or it’s one that I keep choking on the pits, so to speak.

When I think of my life, exactly 14 years ago, I was a full time employed single Mom of 2, with a great new baby girl and an awesome almost 11 year old son, who just returned back to work, after a 3+ month maternity leave (DAMN, I USED to be really good with money, among a zillion other things, then) my life wasn’t anything resembling this fucking hard, as it is now.

While I count my blessings for what great people my children have turned out to be and how sad I am, that I had so little to do with that (if you’re a new reader, that’s covered in many previous blogs).

I’m just really sad that this just seems to be such a fucked up scary world for them to exist in. And I can’t do much to protect them from that, except warn them of potential hazards, not going overboard, as I really don’t want to sully any kind of more positive outlook on life, they may have, compared to my outlook, but at the same time, I don’t want life to give them a big ole punch (ok, many fucking punches) in the gut, that they will hopefully survive (as well as THRIVE)  better, than their mother seemed capable of.

I just don’t want that to be my fucking legacy to them, my legacy to myself and/ or the world, for the matter(s).

And while I’ve accumulated, some (ok, very little) wisdom that normally comes with age and know who I am and am secure with who I am, as well as messed up about how my life turned out, I don’t want my legacy and/or my current identity tied up as “the loving single mother who had the great life experience of having 2 great kids, sharing a plane with Princess Diana (in 1996, also in other blogs) and the screwed up luck of having mental health issues that I was unaware of at the time in 2001, going into a gastric bypass, that I was lucky enough to have a brilliant surgeon who performed a technically performed bariatric surgery that I responded physically HORRIBLY to and nearly died from, and lost my crap and nearly got committed (also in other blogs) who ended up needing a gastric bypass reversal and is now a very wordy medical and mental health activist”…..

YIKES!!! That was a mouthful!!! It’s also the reason why the owner of this brain is not on Twitter, very much. Let alone social media (which I’ve written other blogs about) very much anymore.

I get that in this wordy ranty blog of mine, it’s taking me now 1100 words to make a point/s.

And like no one, except for me (on occasion) has that kind of attention span in 2017. And most people don’t have the time or the inclination to dwell on matters of this nature, even though as UNRELATABLE as most of my blogs are, to most people, I apparently resonate with quite a few, as my blog has been read in 87 countries (fun fact!!!) and 6 continents (Seriously, WTF, Antarctica, don’t people dwell about serious shit at 3 a.m, too???).

Apparently, some of my blogs, such as my most read blog, to date which the “The Project Harpoon People Can GO Fuck Themselves” (way to go ME, for keeping it classy and concise, right??) that I wrote 2 years ago, which I found myself the target of a group of haters on a site called Voat called “FatPeopleHate”  that popped up after the Harpoon peeps got shut down on Twitter, that I found a few weeks ago.

It’s not the first time I had found myself a target of haters or Fat Acceptance hatred. It was the first time of being eviscerated by a large group of people (1100 to be exact, holy shit, right???)  too mean, stupid and hateful to find out anything other about me, than I am wordy blogger who blogs about Fat Acceptance and had a gastric bypass (that and a bunch of other stuff about me, was in particular blog) that I apparently epically failed and was a bitter, ugly, fat as fuck 500 lb ugly chick who can’t write a simple sentence. And was hiding behind a blog.

Cause it’s not like I have full body pics from different times in my life to current times that are PUBLIC and can be found in about 2 seconds, when doing a search engine on me or my blog name, which I actually do have. And it’s not okay to body shame anyone in the manner they shamed me, regardless of how much I would weigh.

I guess that serves me right for finding that group, when “Googling” myself at 3 a.m…

I’m at  almost 1400 words (FUCK!!!)  and I’m finally am going to make my points!!! YAY!!!

I still at rotten overripe,oversized  and old age and person (by weight and looks) at an average size 14 and 47 1/2 in age,  get judged way more for what I look like and what I weigh (depending how fat or not fat enough, depending on who you’re asking) than anything I ever fucking  did or anything I ever fucking said.

By both people who know me well and people who don’t fucking know me at all. Or people who’s responsibilities are to know me better and/or not judge me (i.e. medical professionals/see past blogs on “md-ptsd”, although I advocate for clinically trained medical and mental health professionals, as they are their essence, human beings).

I get my own barriers and my unique barriers in resolving some of my issues. I even have the understanding of others barriers. And have empathy for most people.

EXCEPT for fucking  murder/suicide perpetrators, rapists, pedophiles and people who hate on any class of people for any reason, whether its on me or others and I can live with that.

I’m just having so much fucking trouble adapting to a world, that seems as it gets so technologically advanced, people become more scary and uncivilized to me. And I can’t do anything about that, other than to bring awareness, that while I know my own issues, that it could help, with removing stigma about so many things, for others to be aware of their own issues that could possibly interfere with others right to a safe and peaceful enjoyment life, too.

Not just for my sake. But for those who I love the most (i.e. my children) and so many innocent others, where we at a time, never had so much that should unite us, but is also dividing so many, at the same time.  Or that HATRED is uniting people, way more than acceptance (and again, if that doesn’t work, try apathy, yes, I said apathy not empathy. you don’t have to like, let alone love on something you’re predisposed to hate on, but try to at least be indifferent, OK?) should be and how terrifying I find all of this to be.

(see, for the 2 of you, non-haters, the above 5 paragraphs is the worthwhile reason I wrote this blog/you were rewarded for your patience)

How the FUCK do we FIX that!?!?

If you know, feel free and tell me, so. Try to be respectful about it, though, OK? I don’t go either in others online or offline spaces to make them feel unsafe. Either intentionally or unintentionally (though you now have a current pic, of what I look like, if you see me out and about). I know that this obscenely overweight smoking redhead does her fair share of scaring people, unintentionally, when out and about, in Downtown Minneapolis where I reside (which if that’s the case, stay home, because I’m definitely not the scariest thing  that you’ll encounter down here), I respect the right of others peaceful and safe enjoyment of their own lives, both in their private, public, offline and online spaces.

And wish that fucking everyone realized that everyone has a right to that. And now, over 2000 words, later, I made fucking finally made my point/s.

Note: If the rantiness and wordiness of this blog didn’t give you the clue, that I’m absolutely not going to give a shit, let alone post anything that has no resemblance to my “agreeing to disagree” respectfully stance, don’t waste my time or your own, by sending me something that I won’t read and I won’t publish, both in hatred of me, or any other.

 

Ummm….IF you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face…………

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Although it’s apparently absolutely OK to say it ABOUT someone’s face. Or body. Or unusual circumstances. In this instance, via direct message on Facebook. Especially if you are me and you make the mistake of updating a profile pic, like I did last night. It happened to be that, I had just gotten my haircut and a blow out, a few days ago, and last night I was supposed to go out, so I snapped a quick selfie, that I originally NEVER intended to post online. Just was curious, truthfully, because I have a slight tremor, of how I photographed, after doing my makeup, which I very rarely wear makeup. But I didn’t feel well and so I ended up not going out last night. Which I had said when posting pic and then I made that pic my Facebook profile pic.

While I have amazing amount of supportive and kind Facebook friends, I also of course, have Facebook buds, where I know based upon their actions and what they say or lack of them, that I’m their “DUFF”. I didn’t even know what DUFF meant (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) until a couple of weeks ago. But I know in my case, that I’m the DUFF (Disabled Ugly Fat Friend) to some, and it came out in 3 separate messages by 3 different people, since I posted that picture, in the last 24 hours.

Here’s the pic I posted last night on Facebook….

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“Wow… You look SO much better….”  Better than Godzilla, of how I usually look???

“OMG, Your hairstylist is an absolute MIRACLE worker, kudos on your DECENT profile pic….” Um… Okay….

“Wow, I wish I had the time to get my hair done all fancy like that. Are you gonna change your profile pic back, to what you normally look like?” Yeah… I’ll get right on that. I’m SURPRISED you even noticed as you usually are on vacation every other week….

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK??? But the difference in this case, as I actually got unfriended and blocked, after these 3 people chose to say what they did to me, privately. Maybe I should embrace that the haters are now attaching their identities with their vitriol. I just found it odd, that not only did I get unfriended and blocked, that all 3 did not have a common an interest or social media tie, with anyone other than myself.

I get that I don’t have enviable looks or an enviable life. I’ve also been bullied my whole entire life and have suffered from horrible “justified” body dysmorphia. But let’s get something straightened out, right off the bat, as it applies to ME. Although I probably will regret admitting this.

DO NOT make the mistake of exchanging the words “cognitively disabled” with “STUPID”. I’m definitely NOT stupid. While MENSA is not beating down my door, I’m still fairly smart. However I used to be absolutely fucking BRILLIANT. And my loss of certain abilities, is nothing short of bizarre. While I have a tendency to try to concentrate on the positives that the internet and social media, brings to my life. But I’m not completely immune to the hate. As exhibited in my last 2 blogs. I just don’t let it ruin my life. I’ve had ENOUGH life ruining circumstances, but still try to concentrate on the good. And learn from the bad.

If what’s sucky about my life, makes your life seem great, well, it’s not myself or my unusual circumstances that are the problem. It’s someone’s need to benefit somehow from other people’s painful issues, and while I’m not a lot of great things, I’m not that devoid of a soul, to take comfort in other’s misery. Team Lisa 10 vs. Team Cowardly Hater 0.

It’s pathetic that for someone who doesn’t have a huge social media base, is not influential on social media, that the little things I do, compared to the big things, that I’ve experienced that are in this blog, ruffles so many people’s feathers.

About 8 months ago, I had gone on a long walk, and it was a big deal, given my disability sets. I also have strange health issues, such as being literally allergic to the sun, given my long term nutritional deficiencies. The clinical name for it, is Photophobia. I also have severe chronic pain issues, in addition to my neurological issues. The fact that I had walked 6 miles on this particular day, was a BIG deal. I also looked like I had been baked in an oven.

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The gems I got from this one, were also of the passive-aggressive variety……..

“Wow, I wish I could do that, but I have a JOB and have  to work…..” What’s that thing you speak of, work?

“Wow, you are BRAVE, posting a pic like that…” i.e brave=STUPID

“Are you sure it was a six mile walk???”… No.. It wasn’t. Ya busted me again for lying. It said 6 miles when I “mapquested” it. But you know how inaccurate MapQuest is. 6 miles is actually 6 blocks <dropping copious amounts of sarcasm>,  And the truth be told, I look like that, after 6 seconds on ANY sunny day, with my health issues.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…. OR in my case, a thousand of unnecessary, passive-aggressive and rude comments. If you wouldn’t make the same comment to a clergy member or your beloved grandmother, about a picture, feel free to cease and desist, from doing this, on social media, OK? In my case, it’s not gonna be the end of me. But in others, you may really HURT someone, who’s super vulnerable. People who do shit like this, aren’t the geniuses they think they are. It’s a lot easier, but a lot more cruel, to try and go in for the kill, then it is to concentrate on what’s good about the people you surround yourself with on social media, and off it.

Just know if you make me your target, you didn’t ruin me. And usually while I won’t fight back, again, this is another warning, you won’t like what I have to say, if I actually fight back.

p.s. This blog sponsored by 2 out of the 3 people who unfriended me, but forgot to unfollow me on WordPress. Ain’t the first time. And this ain’t my first rodeo, K?

“Master Hater Baiters”…..

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I’m actually kind of in AWE of the disproportionate amount of hate, I get for the amount of hits on my blog or what I say on Facebook (as most of my posts are public) and the little that I’m on Twitter.

But when I get 2 separate and anonymous hateful emails calling me out on my disabilities on blog that’s ONLY been read 4 times, all being referred from Facebook, in the last 6 hours, it’s time for a reminder.

IF you think and maybe you’re right, that there’s subjects I shouldn’t tackle, such as weight issues or serious mental health issues and YOU can do a better job or make a point, both clearer and faster, you’re more than welcome to try. I, ACTUALLY  wish you would.

BUT….. I’m not going to wait too long, anymore, to tackle subjects I feel that are important and no one wants to talk about them. HOWEVER…..I am not a masochist, I get told 10 to1, that I help more than I hurt, that’s why I continue to do the activism that I do. My memory issues which are irreversible, isn’t  gonna get any better. So there’s really NO point telling me to stop writing, until I can concisely do so.

BECAUSE,  I used to be FUCKING brilliant (like, seriously brilliant, like MENSA material) , in addition to having all the time the world, I’ve noticed when I’ve gotten anonymous hate from “Facebook Frenemies”. I can pick up on certain nuances and/or communication styles of people that I have social media connections, to.

I’m kinda like a demented Santa Claus who has somewhat an idea for those who do have a social media connection to me, only, because they get some kind of perverse satisfaction, in their thoughts  that my life is crappier than theirs. That makes them wrong, not just on one account. Because anyone who derives pleasure by cowardly sending anonymous hateful words, has a life I definitely DO NOT envy.

And depending on what they hate me for, dictates whether or not they remain a connection. But not only do I find them not enviable, I kinda find them on the entertaining side. So they really are EPICALLY FAILING in trying to hurt my feelings.

So this is again, reminding those, who go out of their way to hate on me, by putting vague words in a subject matter that could be construed as someone who might possibly needs help, that while I have all day to fight with some stranger (or someone I might know) on the internet, that I choose not to. That I’ve been bullied for over 40 years now, there’s nothing anyone on the internet could say to me, that would BREAK me. If my past circumstances DID NOT, NOTHING could, at this point. But I’m definitely more than capable of defending myself, need be.

Again, it’s by conscious choice that I’m kind and empathetic. I don’t  identify as being “nice”. And while I have references for being a kind and funny ole soul, I also have references for being a vile bitch who can eviscerate people with words. It’s true in the expression “Damaged people ARE Dangerous, because they know they can Survive”….  While 99.5% of the time, I won’t waste “all the time in the world” that I have, in engaging with those who don’t have my best interests at heart, on rare occasion, I do.

I don’t do anything else, though. Other than reading briefly the hate, I get, I don’t do anything else, other than writing a blog.

BUT…. Better you pick on me, than someone else, who might be vulnerable. And who you might actually hurt.

IF you’re that fucking devoid of a soul and a life.

AND, I’ll leave it to the discretion of the reader of who’s actually the “Master Hater Baiter”…. The blogger with complex disabilities  who tackles controversial subjects and tries to do so with integrity and their identity attached to it or a fucking cowardly intentionally cruel HATER…..

Later, Gators………

A Reminder of why I do Size Acceptance……..

Okay…. I just received HATE in the form of fat shaming for the first time on my blog.

I don’t know why I am so shocked, but I kinda am. I mean a troll is a troll is a troll…

But still? REALLY? Okay…..

Let me clarify something, my health is for NO ONE to judge. I’ve made it people’s business because I am an activist of sorts. I do not though have any health issues that are erroneously attributed to fat.

I’m not trying to start a war with my adored weight loss surgery peers for what they do for Obesity awareness. We kind of have enough mutual respect to agree to disagree.

When there’s one medical condition that only people who are considered overweight, obese, morbidly obese or super morbidly obese get that thin people DO NOT, I’d still have trouble buying it.

So I ask of my wls peeps or people with fat bigotry issues, to “check them at the door” in my digital spaces. If seeing a fat person eating a Big Mac (which I’ve NEVER ate) fills you with revulsion, you don’t know that the thin person eating a Big Mac, right next to them, could be the person with diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. You’re justifying your hate of fat, based upon aesthetics. Not based upon health, which you cannot tell, just by how much space that another human being takes up.

If you are that concerned about weight issues, as it applies to health, then be a human being, with empathy, to have concern for all weight issues. People die every day from Anorexia. Let’s not shame body types or pit them against one another. Thin bashing ain’t ok, in my spaces, either. I’ve had “justfiable” body dysmorphia since I was 4 years old. Enough already!!!!

Most of the time I can ignore the hate. So really taking the time to hate on me on my blog, Facebook, Twitter or my personal email address, isn’t going to result in very much.

If I’m bored though, and/or you REALLY looking for a fight, BRING.IT.ON. I’m kind and empathetic, usually, because it’s a conscious choice I choose to make. Really wanna provoke me and well, you’ll find out the hard way, that isn’t really isn’t the best way to utilize your time or mine. And I don’t take kindly to cowardly and cruel internet trolls, if I can’t ignore them.

Does PAIN have a positive PURPOSE????

And if it does, what exactly is it? Other than a signal for illness or disease. I am talking about both severe medical and mental health/emotional pain…And I’m NOT talking about pain, such as in childbirth. And I talk about all of that as well as what’s been in the news lately that ties that together, neatly (at last I’m going to try to believe I did a good job or made some good points)

I have a QOTD/Question/s of the Day, and it’s quite offensive and potentially triggering… I am going to ask that you realize there is a purpose for me asking it and maybe it can lead to an interesting if not possibly empathetic debate…….

I understand I whine a lot about my pain levels and the reason why I do is, that it allows me to acknowledge it and move on. In some cases where it’s this bad for the last 3 days, it makes almost doing the most basic (and I live a pretty basic existence as it is) things like doing basic needs stuff like showering, walking, sitting, sleeping and throwing a frozen dinner (although I usually am food apathetic when I’m in this much pain) in the microwave, a herculean feat….

I don’t put on social media, every time I move around. I did end up getting over 5 miles in in walking, yesterday and I literally was gasping in pain with every step. But I also noticed when I was out and about, of just how many people can’t walk at all and were in wheelchairs and in scooters. I’ve been averaging  walking 15 to 35 miles a week, (despite having severe chronic pain, daily for over almost 2 decades) being literally allergic to the sun and daily migraines for the last 6 months. And my exercising is a big deal, given my medical, mental health and cognitive disabilities. And the bullying I’ve had to put up with.

I’m about to make my point. And I don’t know if it makes the difference for those who’ve had severe chronic pain issues or battle serious diangoses or not. Whether they are medical or mental health or combination of. And a lot of my buds have battled catastrophic illnesses and they never complain about it.
Here’s your QOTD/Question/s of the Day …. Would you rather have severe pain and ability or no pain and VERY little ability? I am not saying anyone who can’t walk, or has limited ability doesn’t have pain. And obviously we really can’t choose this. And for some of us who have this, it does severely limit our ability to have enjoyment in our lives. Or is it a matter of just being grateful for what you can do and do the best you can?  Is it a matter of attitude towards pain and illness and where do you fall in when it comes to interacting with people who have medical and mental health disabilities that you haven’t experienced? Or how does living with severe chronic pain and illnesses, adversely effect your life?

I was kind of thrown by the reactions to Brittany Maynard’s death. Not just the negative reaction from religious groups. But from Brittany herself where she was quick to differentiate the fact that her death wasn’t technically a suicide because she had terminal brain cancer. I was also thrown by my thoughts of right to die and it it hopefully will explain why I do the activism I do, but I have to choose my words VERY carefully.

I’ve likened serious mental illness that results in a person committing suicide as an “emotional cancer”. While I do the best I can for suicide prevention and awareness, while a lot of people can recover beautifully and live full lives with medical and mental health disabilities, some of us CANNOT. I am not saying I’m suicidal by any means. Because I’m not. But if you’ve read my earlier blogs, I wouldn’t be so quick to go public with that, either, given the fact that I did almost 16 months in the system, with a  major loss of freedom because of that one suicide attempt.

Nor do I look at Brittany Maynard’s death as a suicide. I look at it as a compassionate form of ending someone’s pain that was only going to lead to more pain and death, eventually.And I appreciate her being a perfect example why people deserve in tragic circumstances such as terminal cancer, a compassionate end. And I thought the support for her was amazing, for the most part, as well as how she chose to live her life to the end.

But AS a Mental Health activist while I look to reduce suicide, I definitely understand why people try or commit suicide and it’s still being stigmatized.

This is why I am asking and why I’m making the statements I am. I feel horrible when anyone has to suffer from anything. I’m not as smart as I used to be, but I have a lot of empathy, for even for bad experiences I’ve never had. I see that will live in a world that’s HORRIBLY judgmental. I’m glad that Brittany’s story was told the way it is, because it did bring more compassion than judgment for people who have medical terminal illnesses.

The problem is, that it also is unfortunately stigmatizing those of us who do have an enormous amount of physical pain and/or emotional and/or  mental health pain. And it’s not a kind differentiation.

So I guess I’m also asking is what is it going to take to have more of a dialogue for that? More treatments available for medical and mental health issues. While I think it’s lovely that I could Skype with a  complete stranger,  halfway around the world, I can’t understand what lengths I have to go to, to get rid of daily severe headaches and migraines (which is NOT the only medical and or severe pain I experience, I have a lot of medical diagnoses).

And lastly, instead of people like Brittany Maynard getting judged by some others and/or religious groups condemning her, I hate to break it to you, but she already like lots of people, experienced “Hell on Earth”. No one has the right to think she deserves to burn, if you believe in an afterlife. Not that we have any say so in the matter, it just makes me both really sad and angry that people can be so judgmental and lack empathy.

Instead of stigmatizing those of us who battle physical and mental health pain, we should worry about those who have pain and mental health issues, and not only do they take their lives. But they take others. This is happening every day now and while I can understand people’s pain and mental health issues, I can’t understand why, unless someone is clinically insane, why this happens and WHY no one wants to talk about it.  How about we talk about why bullying both online and off is so prevalent and why even with all the initiatives we have now to antibully, people have no problem bullying others for entertainment and recreation.

Note: I will post all comments if they are respectful. Given the activism I do both in the weight loss surgery community AND Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance, I will not post comments that are judgmental regarding weight to others. I have no problem publishing comments that come from a personal perspective.

Also, please, I understand people do have severe chronic medical/mental health pain and don’t talk about it. I really rather not see the equivalent of “at least you are still alive”.

If you’ve never been in medical or mental health crisis and or live with a life long painful disability, you have NO idea how judgmental that i is. I have nearly died, several times due to medical reasons in the last couple of years. I’m not going to let ignorant and unkind, if not triggering comments, trigger my readers.

For my friends, peers or strangers who believe that any death other than not being compassionate to those who murder or physically and/or emotional batter people, someone is not worthy of acknowledgement and respect. Meaning I don’t have compassion when it comes to those who or try to commit homicide and then commit suicide. But I’m asking NO religious rhetoric when it comes to “right to die”

Well we will just have to agree to disagree. And I ain’t publishing those kinda comments, either.

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