It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Posts tagged ‘#SuicidePrevention’

Why #BillMaher going forward, is gonna have a lot of trouble convincing me that he ain’t Trump’s mean little bitchy wanna be brother, from a different mother…

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Important Disclaimers/Trigger Warnings: I’m writing this to achieve  activism goals that I really shouldn’t have to make, but unfortunately feel compelled to, after watching a segment on a Real Fucking Shame, oops I meant Real Time with Bill Maher early yesterday morning.

IF body politics, real politics and profanity offend you, please stop reading this, like NOW.

Also no intention meant to offend any orangutans is intended, as they don’t hate on humans based upon weight, looks, gender and age, like other humans do to each other.

***

I’m NOT supposed to be writing THIS.

I’m supposed to be writing a blog about how yesterday, the 9th anniversary of my fucking gastric bypass reversal, how I’m doing, well, like 9 years later.

Which I really didn’t want to do, either.

If I’m gonna be honest…

However, my gastric bypass reversal and suicide prevention blogs are the most read blogs of mine, ever.

And not just exclusive to the United States or North America, they get quite read regularly on all 6 continents except Antarctica.

Here’s the thing…

As someone who does serious activism as a blogger, who lives an unrecognizable life that did a 180, 16 years ago and who leans on the liberal side (clearly with a conservative streak, as exhibited in my LAST blog) I count on weekends that air a new Real Shame with the funny but I knew didn’t love fat people but looked away Bill Maher, as long as he didn’t constantly remind me of that.

As I needed the distraction of his non fat bashing humor to distract from all these sad, scary and intense news cycles.

I can’t give though Bill Maher a pass any longer on his fat people hatred.

I know too much that plays into trauma that leads to people being of excess weight and too little weight.

I know the desperation that a lot of people feel from being hated on by being of fat that at best, depending on how much they weigh, leads them to drastic interventions like bariatric surgery which I’m NOT against, knowing people who died from both severe morbid Obesity complications or suicide, when wanting a surgical intervention they couldn’t have.

Although, I am better suited for helping those in crisis medically and mentally for those who’ve had catastrophic gastric bypass complications that might lead to a need for a gastric bypass reversal in patients, who also have in real life medical and mental health professionals treating them.

And  how difficult it is, after having talking to many of those people who may need it, into a reversal, who don’t want one because they would rather be dead than fat again and how devastating and terrifying that is for a patient and any of their providers, myself included having that responsibility on them/us.

Bill Maher didn’t have to throw fat people to the wolves, or anyone, to make a point about things that are taxing our health care system.

And clearly he has never worked in health care or in insurance, like I have, where things like a rehab for non professional athletes with serious sport injuries or people with addiction issues, is also expensive.

I know this blog will be read and disliked  for multiple reasons.

And I do defend Trump supporters and don’t think they are bad humans.

Up until yesterday, I  could defend Bill Maher.

That’s until he proved he is dispositionally just as dangerous as Donald Trump is.

Donald Trump has never pretended other than in election cycles to like  people who aren’t thin and pretty and who aren’t poor for the last several decades.

So I can’t and I won’t shame people who still will support Bill Maher in any way, just like I don’t with Trump fans.

It’s not up to me, nor do I feel uncomfortable wishing harm upon anyone, I think people doing that so freely, who do feel comfortable,especially in the digital era they are and it is so dangerous and I’m not capable of it, even though I’m no longer wishing Bill Maher a super great life, either.

And at  least I don’t feel bad now, for at least hoping that Bill Maher, has a prescription in high doses of Zyprexa and Seroquel in his future and would love to see how that works out, especially with his love for weed and would love to see how he would fare, in regards to his weight.

For the fucking love of everything holy, please don’t generically fat bash anyone, John Oliver, those of us bigger liberals with a BMI over 30 are counting on you…

Note: Anything that’s hateful may or may not  be responded to, depending on how stupid it is.

Anything that is direct threat to my or anyone’s life, will be reported to the proper authorities.

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How to help those who are suicidal when they DO NOT want anyone to know that they are….

(Reposting/Reblogging, exactly one year after original publication, as I made some small but important edits and it’s one of the top 5 blogs of mine that’s read of all time in the almost 6 years I’ve been blogging about Suicide Prevention)

inspirational quotes suicidal person Best of lost black and white depressed depression sad suicidal suicide

1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Hotline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
http://www.befrienders.org (for people who live outside the U.S)

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical or mental health issues. I will always urge someone if they or someone they love is capable of hurting and/or killing themselves or others, to seek immediate professional help in appropriate acute facility or call 911 or emergency services in your country of residence.
***

Because of the type of activism I do, when people talk about those who they love who’s depression was fatal to them, the hardest answer I have to give (see above disclaimer) as a non professional, is when they tell me that the loved one did that and there were no clear cut signs.

In fact, they seemed happy or at peace.

I’m not the only mental health activist I’m sure to point one tragically heartbreaking thing to admit, to those who’ve never struggled with suicidal ideation, can’t comprehend.

If someone you love or care a lot about, has been struggling with severe depression and even regardless if they’re on medications and have been evaluated and are actively seeking treatment, is still struggling and then all of a sudden, they seem so much better, one of the most hard things to understand is that they can APPEAR to be doing okay, if not great.

That happens because for some and some people between illness and depending on how much suffering they are going through and how well they hide it are happy, not because they are getting help, but because they’ve decided to end their suffering, once and for all.

(Important Note: I’m going to stop here, on purpose, I had written the above, YESTERDAY and had  felt this was going to get too  wordy, when I woke up this morning, I found out that another celebrity this week,  had died by suicide.

The sad irony is, this blog I only attempted to start writing yesterday, after seeing a psychologist interviewed on CNN where she discussed missed signs of the suicidal, but didn’t address this one. I’m in NO WAY discounting the importance of clinically trained professional help or input. And CNN did do a better job of suicide awareness on their website today, due to a loss of an admired contributor of theirs today, due to suicide)

What again, is that sign???

The person seemed HAPPY.

People who are balanced and genuinely happy, their depression doesn’t become fatal for them, at least at risk of it being caused by their own despair and then their own action that leads to their death.

The bizarre phenomena of why people miss this in suicidal loved ones who don’t want anyone to know that they’re suicidal, is because they mistake relief for happiness.

Or sadly and it’s hard to explain to those who aren’t or haven’t ever been suicidal, they ARE actually happy,  because they know their suffering is going to end, because they’ve specifically made a plan and usually means and a date and they are relieved, if not overjoyed to know their suffering is going to end.

It’s also compounded with the trickiness of even the most mentally balanced person who still suffers mental illness and/or from severe depression and anxiety, of NOT wanting having to hear of all the reasons why it’s NOT okay to take their life/die from suicide/depression being fatal to them and they go out of their way to show their doing okay, if not great, because they either in lapse of ration of their own wellbeing and  don’t want to hear it and/or people don’t know how to help them, so they don’t ask because they don’t know how or what to say, if they’re in trouble and they’re too afraid of the potential ramifications should they be honest of how devastatingly depressed and devoid of hope that they are experiencing.

And again, while no one is to blame if someone’s depression is deadly to themselves, if they’ve heard another, say “suicide is the easy way out” or anything that could cause further depression and guilt, those of us who know people who feel that way, are less likely to share how much they’re unbearably hurting inside.

And the stigma is bad enough, it’s worse in people who are suicidal and are a parent, where it’s thought even more so to be the ultimate act in selfishness.

I’m not trying to make an argument for someone to die from suicide, I’m trying to explain for those who NEVER have thought about it, why some people die that way or why some of us TRIED, even though we have loved ones that we were going to leave behind.

There is a time sensitivity to this blog, as usually when there is celebrity suicides, such as what happened this week and with Robin Williams, there’s an increase in non celebrity suicide deaths.

In this case, I’m going to concentrate on just a major few of many,  major factors with some people and it usually is a factor in both, when it comes to celebrities and/or high powered people or even just people from all socioeconomic factors, who die due to their depression being fatal to them.

They just lost a loved one either by death or breakup and/or have suffered some form of rejection (i.e. job loss and/or negative change (real or irrationally perceived) in social status) and they don’t get help because of stigma and/or they don’t think their suffering isn’t going to end without them dying.

 

I need to be clear, again,  it’s no one’s fault, when people die this way, as far as death by suicide, when a relationship ends and/or any of the factors that play into their depression becoming fatal for someone.

As unfortunately some people, will not risk being exposed to any kind of psychological intervention and know how to masterfully hide their suffering and that they are at risk for their depression being fatal to to them because they absolutely cannot see any other path out of their pain.

This is a universal issue that can unfortunately anyone can and unfortunately HAS become victim to, regardless of socioeconomics, race, religion and political affiliation.

We can only try our best to continually remind those we care about we are available in good times and in bad, but sometimes we don’t miss signs, whether it be loved ones or professionals, because there wasn’t any signs to miss, no matter how hard we try to help those with life threatening depression that could be fatal to themselves, if not others as well.

Note: Anything that’s not constructive to my readers or myself, will NOT be published.

Additional Note: Blog originally published 6-8-2018

 

An Open Letter to Val Kilmer…

i-dont-have-to-agree-with-you-to-like-you-or-respect-you-quote-1

Yo Val,

I usually live my life, according to quote, pictured above.

I felt bad when I heard you had throat cancer.

And I’m happy for you, that you’re in remission.

I’ve never talked about you or thought over the years, cause I have kind of an actual personal reason to dislike you, that extends beyond the fact you were like the fucking WORST Batman, like ever.

Instead of trying to make comments regarding a certain celebrity, who just sadly passed on Friday, June 8th, 2018, that DOES NOT help anyone, just PLEASE shut the fuck up, ok?

And ya wanna know why I know you can be a complete asshole???

23 years ago, I used to work for a company that was subcontracted by BA, where we managed their frequent flyer program.

And so 23 years ago, I went to work, UNPAID and off the clock, cause you were making your personal assistant, absolutely MISERABLE, over a few thousand frequent flyer miles, that YOU failed to properly claim.

So instead of disrespecting someone who just died and their loved ones, friends and fans, maybe just worry about not being a dick to people in your own circle, OK?

You wanna help people???

Maybe try doing activism for throat cancer prevention.

But with like Batman movies AND suicide prevention, you kinda suck at it.

So fucking knock it off, OK?

Respectfully, ME and 90% of the universe…

How to help those who are suicidal when they DO NOT want anyone to know that they are….

inspirational quotes suicidal person Best of lost black and white depressed depression sad suicidal suicide

1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Hotline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
http://www.befrienders.org (for people who live outside the U.S)

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical or mental health issues. I will always urge someone if they or someone they love is capable of hurting and/or killing themselves or others, to seek immediate professional help in appropriate acute facility or call 911 or emergency services in your country of residence.
***

Because of the type of activism I do, when people talk about those who they love who’s depression was fatal to them, the hardest answer I have to give (see above disclaimer) as a non professional, is when they tell me that the loved one did that and there were no clear cut signs.

In fact, they seemed happy or at peace.

I’m not the only mental health activist I’m sure to point one tragically heartbreaking thing to admit, to those who’ve never struggled with suicidal ideation, can’t comprehend.

If someone you love or care a lot about, has been struggling with severe depression and even regardless if they’re on medications and have been evaluated and are actively seeking treatment, is still struggling and then all of a sudden, they seem so much better, one of the most hard things to understand is that they can APPEAR to be doing okay, if not great.

That happens because for some and some people between illness and depending on how much suffering they are going through and how well they hide it are happy, not because they are getting help, but because they’ve decided to end their suffering, once and for all.

(Important Note: I’m going to stop here, on purpose, I had written the above, YESTERDAY and had  felt this was going to get too  wordy, when I woke up this morning, I found out that another celebrity this week,  had died by suicide.

The sad irony is, this blog I only attempted to start writing yesterday, after seeing a psychologist interviewed on CNN where she discussed missed signs of the suicidal, but didn’t address this one. I’m in NO WAY discounting the importance of clinically trained professional help or input. And CNN did do a better job of suicide awareness on their website today, due to a loss of an admired contributor of theirs today, due to suicide)

What again, is that sign???

The person seemed HAPPY.

People who are balanced and genuinely happy, their depression doesn’t become fatal for them, at least at risk of it being caused by their own despair and then their own action that leads to their death.

The bizarre phenomena of why people miss this in suicidal loved ones who don’t want anyone to know that they’re suicidal, is because they mistake relief for happiness.

Or sadly and it’s hard to explain to those who aren’t or haven’t ever been suicidal, they ARE actually happy,  because they know their suffering is going to end, because they’ve specifically made a plan and usually means and a date and they are relieved, if not overjoyed to know their suffering is going to end.

It’s also compounded with the trickiness of even the most mentally balanced person who still suffers mental illness and/or from severe depression and anxiety, of NOT wanting having to hear of all the reasons why it’s NOT okay to take their life/die from suicide/depression being fatal to them and they go out of their way to show their doing okay, if not great, because they either in lapse of ration of their own wellbeing and  don’t want to hear it and/or people don’t know how to help them, so they don’t ask because they don’t know how or what to say, if they’re in trouble and they’re too afraid of the potential ramifications should they be honest of how devastatingly depressed and devoid of hope that they are experiencing.

And again, while no one is to blame if someone’s depression is deadly to themselves, if they’ve heard another, say “suicide is the easy way out” or anything that could cause further depression and guilt, those of us who know people who feel that way, are less likely to share how much they’re unbearably hurting inside.

And the stigma is bad enough, it’s worse in people who are suicidal and are a parent, where it’s thought even more so to be the ultimate act in selfishness.

I’m not trying to make an argument for someone to die from suicide, I’m trying to explain for those who NEVER have thought about it, why some people die that way or why some of us TRIED, even though we have loved ones that we were going to leave behind.

There is a time sensitivity to this blog, as usually when there is celebrity suicides, such as what happened this week and with Robin Williams, there’s an increase in non celebrity suicide deaths.

In this case, I’m going to concentrate on just  TWO of many,  major factors with some people and it usually is a factor in both, when it comes to celebrities and/or high powered people or even just people from all socioeconomic factors, who die due to their depression being fatal to them.

They just lost a loved one either by death or breakup and/or have suffered some form of rejection (i.e. job loss and/or negative change in social status) and they don’t get help because of stigma and/or they don’t think their suffering isn’t going to end without them dying.

 

I need to be clear, again,  it’s no one’s fault, when people die this way, as far as death by suicide, when a relationship ends and/or any of the factors that play into their depression becoming fatal for someone.

As unfortunately some people, will not risk being exposed to any kind of psychological intervention and know how to masterfully hide their suffering and that they are at risk for their depression being fatal to to them because they absolutely cannot see any other path out of their pain.

This is a universal issue that can unfortunately anyone can and unfortunately HAS become victim to, regardless of socioeconomics, race, religion and political affiliation.

We can only try our best, but sometimes we don’t miss signs, whether it be loved ones or professionals, because there wasn’t any signs to miss, no matter how hard we try to help those with life threatening depression that could be fatal to themselves, if not others as well.

Note: Anything that’s not constructive to my readers or myself, will NOT be published.

 

In hopes of that #KateSpade didn’t die in vain….

national-suicide-prevention-lifeline-tm-1-800-273-talk-8255-suicidepreventionlifeline-org-if-you-25731790

http://www.befrienders.org (International Suicide Prevention services outside the United States)

Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT  a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. IF you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others or potentially suicidal, please seek professional clinical help, immediately or contact 911.

I sadly learned way more about Kate Spade after her death yesterday, than I knew about her when she was alive, other than she created beautiful accessories.

I sadly learned way more information, all of us did after her tragic death, as far as in the circumstances regarding it,  than what we should’ve been privy to.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite, in the respect that I think her closest family and friends are due privacy, due to their tragic loss by writing about it, now.

What I hope to accomplish, because I am, so it wasn’t in vain, because details that shouldn’t be public are, that whether it’s famous people or non famous people, relationship problems are becoming more deadly, when people are experiencing romantic heartbreak, to  partner/s , parents, children both young and old, if not wiping out entire families, if not tragically ending other people’s lives, as well.

We HAVE to do better as a society from removing stigma and talking about how to better handle and cope with relationship heartbreak, rejection and rage and maybe then we can have some hope in reducing these senseless tragedies.

Because this is happening both with people who have known mental health issues and those who where there was NO known mental health issues and just suddenly “snapped” without any warning (which sometimes is truly the case, even if it wasn’t in this instance, depending on whether or not people closest to Kate who have talked and maybe SHOULD NOT have, publically), this can’t and shouldn’t continue to be an everyday occurance.

I can only hope going forward, we FINALLY have the important conversations in our society that we need to have, that we remove stigma from relationship endings and/or mental illness and that people can feel they can get evaluated and proper treatment for their depression, to reduce the chances of it  being potentially, if not actually being fatal to them and possibly others, without feeling stigmatized.

My thoughts are with Kate’s  (and anyone who might be triggered somehow or can relate) family, friends and fans.

Peace…

Note: Please, constructive feedback, ONLY. Thanks!!!

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