https://people.com/taylor-swift-the-tortured-poets-department-title-track-perfect-beat-for-performing-cpr-8642198
This is not the way I planned to return to writing on my blog, usually as of late doing my medical, mental health and violent crime prevention activism, on Quora but as someone who has advocated for years for people to learn emergency first aid as it applies to infant, child and adult population as form is different for CPR and Heimlich, for pregnant women and larger people.
Not to mention even post pandemic, it couldn’t hurt to learn CPR w/rescue breaths on the off chance it’s a loved one, you have no idea how long they’ve been without oxygen (i.e not breathing).
I’ll reluctantly post AHA’s super short video on how to do CPR on an adult:
https://youtu.be/UxEfQJP3MQk?si=acmHjutO6l5frtSZ
But, seriously as much as I love Taylor and TTPD (seriously listening to while writing this to ” I Can Do It With A Broken Heart ” and can’t get over the irony) and I get intent of the American Heart Association to try and get across the importance of learning some kind emergency first aid, this isn’t the time to be stingy with your time, when several hours of learning infant, children and adult emergency first aid couldn’t be anymore of a best investment in time and could make all the difference in a life or death situation of possibly have the best outcome, which is a life saved with as little damage after that type of medical event.
Look what you made me do, American Heart Association!!!
Important Edit/Update: I normally don’t rush to publish a blog without an introductory disclaimer, I’m not a clinically trained professional and one ALWAYS calls 911 or emergency services for those outside the U.S. (as most of my readers are not just not in the U.S., they’re not even in North America) FIRST, then starts emergency first aid required if they know it or waits for instruction from 911 or emergency services, if they don’t.
Seriously, wtf #AHA? It takes less than a #Fortnight to actually #learnhowtosave a life #cpr #ttpd !!!
Pleading to the driver of the hit and run on Monday night near Mille Lacs MN to turn themselves in… #DrCathyAnnDonovan
https://kstp.com/kstp-news/local-news/mille-lacs-county-woman-doctor-donovan-dies-after-hit-and-run/
https://www.brainerddispatch.com/news/local/mille-lacs-doctor-killed-in-hit-and-run-on-highway-169
I knew when I read this article on Wednesday morning (yesterday) I’d write a blog about it.
Wanted to wait til later today (Thursday) to write something but feel time is of the essence.
Please, if anyone knows any information about the driver of the hit and run that killed a beloved physician of that area to contact information in above link.
Begging the driver, if I have to, should you see this, as I have to believe all human beings have at least a shred of decency to do the right thing and turn yourself in.
Maybe, if this reaches the driver of the hit and run left out of fear, but your fear is not going to ease up, so please do the right thing and turn yourself into the authorities.
And maybe that’s why whoever did this if they were fearful didn’t call 911 or stop and try to render aid as Dr. Cathy Ann Donovan or any pedestrian who was hit by a car and who was walking her dogs near Lake Mille Lacs near her home in Kathio Township and died of her injuries (as well as one of the dogs out of the 2 she was walking, still may have died but her tragic death is compounded by driver not stopping, not contacting 911 even if fear was the motivating factor for fleeing the scene.
And her tragic and heartbreaking passing is magnified by a community of her peers in that area and I’m sure physicians in the state are mourning her. Law enforcement in the area.
As well as as the Mille Lacs police chief where Dr. Donovan was his personal physician. As well as other law enforcement of that department.
Not to mention her patients, co-workers and most of all her beloved family and friends and the rest of the community, who’ve obviously been impacted the most by her her tragic death. .
For the driver, think about if this was your mother, sister, daughter, family member co-worker or friend who was a victim of this kind of horrific tragedy, compounded by the fact that the fact that the perpetrator of this horrific tragedy didn’t for whatever reason do anything but flee which I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt, was due to fear and shock.
That doesn’t make it any easier for all that’s mourning her that whoever did this still hasn’t been apprehended yet.
Do the right thing, if you were the driver, as you will eventually be caught.
Even if the victim wasn’t a beloved upstanding member of the community, a family practice physician who did so much for so many and touched so many lives before you get caught.
Normally, the blogs I write I just put out there in the internet in case it can help someone.
In this case I’m asking if you could please, if you read this and could share the link, as more people who know that this happened, could aid in apprehending the driver of the vehicle who killed this wonderful woman and left again, so many people heartbroken.
But again, if somehow this makes it to the person who actually did this, please do the right thing and turn yourself in.
As driver will be found eventually probably sooner than later, but again, trying to appeal to a sense of decency to anyone who knows any information to report it and to the the driver while you can’t take this back, you can ease slightly all the heartbreak you’ve caused by trying to make this right by turning yourself in.
For the family, friends, patients and the community both in the area of her tragic death and this has has also left people all over the state, brokenhearted, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please let’s do what we can do support those who are heartbroken about this horrific loss and I cannot stress enough if this reaches the driver or anyone who has any information, again, please contact information in the link.
And again, should this make it to the driver who did this, do the right thing and turn yourself in immediately to the local authorities in charge or if you’ve left the area, to the closest police station.
It won’t bring back Cathy Ann Donovan but the family, friends, patients and the community deserve some kind of closure that person isn’t at large to do this again to someone else until apprehended.
Important Edit: I did not write this just as a medical, mental health and violent crime prevention awareness activist, I also wrote this as an ordained minister.
It was important to me as because there’s no information on the driver, that this may very well have been their first crime committed, as well as I have to think as a suicide prevention activist and violent crime prevention activist that should the driver who caused the hit and run, doesn’t commit suicide and cause their family and friends heartbreak, that they don’t when the police get closer to finding out doing this that no more people are injured or killed when trying to apprehend the driver of this horrific tragedy.
And again this is horrific but it can become even and more heartbreaking that’s why I’m not beyond begging, should this blog somehow gets the attention of anyone who knows any information or the driver themselves chooses not to turn themselves in, dies of suicide or injures and kills people when they police find out who did this and try to arrest the driver.
It’s definitely not my intention to hurt those who are mourning the loss of Dr. Donovan by trying to give the benefit of the doubt that the driver fled in fear.
So hopefully I’ve been clear on why I worded the above blog the way I did.
Important Edit: I did edit 2 things about blog, first Dr. Donovan and one of her dogs was killed in hit and run.
Second posted a 2nd link.
Newest IMPORTANT edit as of 12-13-2023:
https://kstp.com/kstp-news/top-news/family-of-woman-killed-in-hit-and-run-expected-to-announce-reward/
Also note on the rarest off chance this blog makes it on the radar of who killed Dr. Cathy Ann Donovan.
On the off chance I overly gave whoever did this and whoever was complicit in this the benefit of the doubt note law enforcement isn’t going to give up, her family isn’t going to give up nor is her community of her friends, physicians and patients going to either.
So IF I can’t appeal to any kind of sense of human decency, you will eventually be caught, sooner than later but this will not bear well for whoever did this in a court of law having did what you did and not stopping and then not taking any responsibility at the time of the accident and if not then, soon after.
Important Warnings: I am in no way minimizing the risk to patients and physicians and the general public with the issues that the opiate epidemic has on almost all of us.
I learned though the hardest way possible, of how dangerous that opiate bias has on patients who aren’t abusing opiates or in my case, my last hospital admission that I was discharged after a week last Wednesday,could’ve cost me my life in no relation for admitting diagnosis.
I’m in no way trying to minimize again the risk to patients, prescribing physicians and the general public as well as being sensitive to not wanting for those still struggling with any kind of addiction issues to put them back in denial, unnecessarily.
But how patients in the hospital and who suffer from chronic pain including and especially myself but am motivated as an activist which I’ve been trying to address being collateral damage in the opiate epidemic due to pervasive opiate bias from everyone everywhere, this can’t continue to go on the way it is.
Something has to change and it has to change now.
IF I’m not clear about something, please ask for clarification before making assumptions.
Also as potential trigger warnings, talk about fatal drug overdose and suicidal ideation will be included in this blog, so if that could be hurtful to someone, please don’t read.
thanks.
***
On Monday, August 7th marks the 11th anniversary of my friend’s passing from an accidental heroin overdose.
The ONLY reason anyone found out about her heroin usage because of the autopsy and friends inquiry by family with people in her contacts.
While I normally don’t visit anyone in the hospital given my disabilities, because I had an appointment at the hospital campus when my friend suddenly starting getting sick from her gastric bypass complications and saw her several months after I had my gastric bypass reversal.
My friend was originally a co-worker and one conversation with her probably saved my life, and that she was having her gastric bypass a month before mine was originally scheduled at Fairview University Medical Center a month before with a new surgeon who was coming to pioneer the minimally invasive surgery center.
Within a week I switched surgeon and facility to her;s and honestly for how sick I got from a perfectly performed gastric bypass, I don’t think I would’ve survived my complications otherwise and probably would’ve died within the first 3 years post rny.
I just got out of Fairview University Medical Center on Wednesday, 8-2-23 after a week’s stay due to having an urgent lap chole w/ egd and then having bile leaks that required an ERCP.
I understand that some may think I might be giving too much context but it’s important not just for my sake but any other patient who’s gone through what I went through.
I have blogged about issues that I’ve had with opiate and obesity bias at FUMC for a long time now.
The only reason why though I still go there is due to the enormous talent of the physicians and other medical as well as non clinical staff there.
And if you would’ve asked me exactly a week ago (blog being published on 8/5/2023) I would’ve said that everything that could’ve been done for me was being done even though while I know for me oral opiates won’t work with abdominal pain even IV injections of Dilaudid which had worked in 2010 for gastric bypass post op pain via pain pump even though I broke out all over in hives, bounceback migraines and severe nausea wasn’t working and while it was starting to get to me being in so much pain with an actual attempt to arrest it, I just blamed by body for malabsorbing the iv drugs too.
I had asked instead of throwing me so much drugs at a lower dose as I knew as a chronic pain patient that nothing less than 30 mme a dose would be effective, orally and given my history with dilaudid that fact I hadn’t broke out in hives again I blamed on my body malabsorping the .04 Diluadid q4.
The problem is by last Sunday I was in a lot of distress, I was in an insane amount of pain enough to start hysterically crying and scare the nurses on the floor because I was crying so hard and while I wasn’t mean or scary, I was starting to get a bit defensive because I was beside myself during the 2 hysterical periods feeling so helpless that in a major hospital I felt no one could help me and well, that was the answer I gave partially true.
What I had not said is that I was thinking of quietly going into the Mississippi River in hopes of drowning IN it.
Which wouldn’t have been too difficult of a task, given the fact it’s directly across the street from the hospital.
I don’t have ideation very often and I’m pretty good about fighting it not demonizing those who struggle with drugs and/or suicide ideation and feeling horrible for those who lost their battle.
So, yesterday on 8/4/2023 I’m researching the amount of dilaudid I was given and while I shouldn’t have been on it in the first place, I realized that it wasn’t my body having absorption issues with what I was given intravenously (but it’s a possibility to me,I’m very complicated and difficult to medicate, i.e. I had 4 epidurals with my son while in labor almost 31 years ago and still managed to have completely natural labor with super painful labor and delivery because I didn’t get any benefit of meds put in epidural) but that I was given too little medication, to my horror and devastation.
Like extremely undermedicated enough to not have a prayer of therapeutic benefit w/any dose but enough mmes to be at risk of full blown opiate withdrawal.
I have dealt with obesity and opiate bias from physicians and society my entire life but I’m on a new path now as an activist that a patient who has an established history of NOT being opioid naive that our care isn’t compromised because of the assumption we either are a drug addict or will become a drug addict and have become so riddled with pain in a hospital that they are contemplating suicide thinking that is the only way to end it, no matter how rational the patient is otherwise.
Or even without the ideation. My saving grace is that in addition to realizing quickly it’s not a legacy I wanted to leave to my kids the ideation or an attempt, that this can no longer be my normal when seeking out medical attention either preventative or acute help, not just for me, not for anyone who needs opiates as a tool and have proven they can utilize them without liability to anyone else.
I was already working on that from a chronic pain perspective knowing that there is absolutely NO data was out there to show the harm towards patients in pain who weren’t being treated at all or undertreated for pain having become collateral damage in the opiate epidemic.
But there are stories of patients dying by suicide when meds getting pulled and one bad example of a patient’s family suing post suicide of a patient who was non compliant and was on what’s considered an enormous amount of opiates like my tolerance is considered high and that’s 90-120mmes daily and was given 60mmes though w/a minimum of 30 mme dose needed to get a therapeutic benefit. (I said I wasn’t a drug addict, but my compliance being human wasn’t perfect just not habitually non compliant) , the patient was on over 500mme daily of the family who sued.
The thing is that in the chronic pain patient/activists we know in our advocacy on our own unique circumstances as well as others how to help a physician better help us.
IF we would just be listened to.
Then there’s me who goes further and directly defends that no physician should feel that their liability is at risk when they write a script or feel in mortal danger when they pull one.
This is a few things starting off with a hospital that is supposed to be one of the best in the United States (ahem talking about you, mhealth fairview university medical center) can start out with.
1. Get a patient history with opiates and reassess at the point prior in a new admit of verifying med history w/opiates and any other substances and how patient reacts and make it safe for them to tell their truth because opiate bias, like obesity we know it’s rampant and patients know they are going to be judged and labeled.
But we also as patients respect our doctors, their need to use caution but still respect our own unique circumstances.
2. Check databases for abuse (I use mn courts pa for legal history that can sometimes show a pattern and/or escalation of addiction issues, but mds also have PDMP) and/or drug test, for those who aren’t abusing like myself we understand why it might be necessary and won’t be defensive about it.
I’m not saying blindly follow patients as they lie, I know that given my advocacy in bariatrics the problem is NOT all of us are lying or drug seeking and even patients who do have OUD, still can have severe pain problems that warrant the need of acute/or chronic pain intervention WITH pain meds, just again cautiously so.
3. Check in with patient med protocol is working, change if it isn’t.
4. Post operative contact after discharging a patient with a 3 day supply of pain meds after 3 weeks of being on IV narcotics such as what factored in to my friend’s addiction and overdose could’ve been prevented of asking without stigma of any pain or any drug concerns at discharge and followup by hospital AFTER inpatient discharge to home, especially like me who can’t see primary right away of having new protocols in place to follow up with patient to see how they are doing post admission in recovery and to check for possible of withdrawal so the patient doesn’t become at risk of drug seeking or being in full blown opiate withdrawal regardless of how much they were compliant, which is in the realm of possibility.
The above is a start, hoping desperately to help others so what I went through and my friend went through doesn’t keep happening and hoping Fairview University Medical Center will work with me on this as it’s not self serving, it helps everyone to take a cautious attitude but one that isn’t punitive to those who need opiates as a last resort to manage both acute care and long term chronic pain.
Or run the risk that I will sue to ensure change because I’m so traumatized by my last experience and previous admits that while I’m careful that people including physicians will feel safe with me and people like me, but that I can NO longer be caught up as collateral damage in the opiate epidemic, don’t think anyone should and am only capable though (again I do violent crime prevention for general public, physicians and first responders) of seeking every legal remedy at my disposal in a court of law.
Respectfully, Alissa Kasen
Would’ve #redflag #gun laws prevented #BuffaloAllina massacre? I don’t think so and I will explain why…
Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained medical, mental health professional NOR do I have any training in matters of public safety.
IF you or someone you know is in danger of harming yourself or others, please contact 911, immediately.
The last above paragraph though, I honestly believe wouldn’t have prevented the massacre though and I’ll just suggest in hopes that it could help prevent though further mass shootings, especially since other medical professionals and physicians have been killed when pulling an opiate script.
I’m only trying to help not cause further hurt in the community of Buffalo, MN or when similar circumstances that resulted in massacres with or without fatalities outside of here in MN, as this isn’t the first time I’ve addressed the horrific tragedy that happened on my blog, as an activist.
But it’s remotely possible that I could inadvertently offend someone, which is the last thing I want to do the community or anyone else who could relate, so please don’t read, if it this might offend you.
https://kstp.com/5-investigates/more-time-more-discretion-changes-to-gun-permit-law-spurred-by-tragedy-in-buffalo/
Was just trying to get caught up on the news when I saw the above link.
And while my violent crime prevention blogs are the least read blogs of mine, the truth is while I think that we do need more thorough gun backround checks, that wouldn’t have prevented this particular massacre and it’s important to create dialogue on what might have prevented it.
I just a few months ago suggested longer thorough backround checks on everyone who wishes to purchase a firearm.
The problem is the evil coward who committed the massacre at Buffalo Allina ALSO had bombs, even if they were rudimentary, the point I’m trying to make is let’s say ridiculously he had a deadly metal and gunpowder allergy, he was looking to exact revenge on his opiates being pulled.
I’m familiar and it is helpful when I blog about local crime, that I know how to check the database for civil and criminal charges here in the State of MN, online.
His record showed that he had the ability to secure drugs on his own due to prior charges.
So why once he made the terroristic threats he did, wasn’t he subjected to a potential mental health evaluation, civilly ?
I brought up the same thing when I blogged about the man who threw the little boy off the veranda at Mall of America several years ago, where there was a pattern of him being violent at Mall of America and a ban from there which he was, tragically didn’t prevent him from being able to do that and 30 miles or so away, a few hours earlier a man started his house on fire with the intention for it to be at least murder, if not murder/suicide he ended up dying from his injuries a day or 2 later.
I’m NOT digressing, this is my point, if we keep continuing to blame the weapon and not the motive of someone who’s trying to kill or cause great bodily and psychological harm, we aren’t going to get anywhere.
Revoking driver’s licenses doesn’t prevent criminal inclined people from driving, restricting prescriptions opiates hasn’t made a dent in deaths from the opiate epidemic and that’s why I keep repeating we can’t just address the weapons, as I said in my last blog, we have to address when people have a criminal and mental health history that while addiction isn’t a crime, unfortunately the nature of addiction, is just as much of a theat to the addict and the mentally ill who have predisposition to be violent and there’s a legal record of that.
I’m not trying to pick on the State of Minnesota which one might assume if they read my last blog and now this one.
I’m just saying more of a comprehensive approach, not just one or a few aspects have to be more thoroughly discussed and action taken, to try and prevent these horrific tragedies from happening over and over again.
Important Notes: I get that what I said could possibly anger people with my opinion who love guns to those who think all guns should be banned
My priority is to try and help save lives
As while people both general public and in public office state and federal can get heated discussing about the topic of gun control, people are being killed everyday in multiple ways, multiple reasons with multiple motives, involved.
The State of #Minnesota clearly didn’t think it through with decriminalization/legalization of drug paraphernalia…
Important Notes: I’m not a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, I have no training in addiction medicine nor do I have any training or credentialing in matters of public safety.
I have though as a non monetized medical and mental health activist have written blogs stating that there needs to be a multi-faceted approach when trying to reduce deaths and harm from the opiate epidemic.
Certain parts of the law changes that go into effect on June 1st, 2023, I actually agree with.
Such as allowing people to grow their own marijuana in their homes.
The many other concerns I have though from a public safety perspective, I’ll address as I go along below in this blog.
***
I’ve actually while truthfully not paying too much attention until the law was passed was working on ideas in a blog that I hadn’t yet published that I think could help with the victims of the opiate epidemic .
Some intersect as what advocates in above link suggested, trying to reduce harm to those struggling with drug addiction.
Having more services in place that offer comprehensive help and incentive for helping people get and stay clean.
Some of the ideas I had and is one of the reasons why I hadn’t published blog was incentivizing birth control access in both women and men who are still struggling with drug addiction, in hopes to reduce the amount of babies born addicted to drugs.
I wasn’t think along the lines of mandatory sterilization in drug addicted women, which would be barbaric, just trying to reduce the chances of pregnancy until a patient is in recovery with increased support and incentives.
I’m not digressing, this is the concern I have, as I don’t believe that drug addiction should be stigmatized.
The problem is though alcohol and drugs pose just as much of a threat to the general public as it does to the addict.
It’s a large part of why there’s such an increase in violent crime, accidents, domestic violence,major theft and homicides.
It’s a safety hazard for those of use who’ve experienced residing in multiple dwelling units with a high percentage of people who are addicted to street drugs even unintentionally, as far as fire or those of us who had neighbors who weren’t capable of violent crime but the people they associated with, were.
It’s a safety hazard on the roads when people with substance abuse drive and in public transportation and/or bus or train stops/stations.
The increase of babies and children getting into drugs of their family members and friends who use in their household and overdosing.
No one is perfect, I’m certainly not and I don’t believe there’s anyone who hasn’t possibly been a threat to another human being even if it was unintentional.
But how many chances do we give people who do show an inability to be rehabilitated?
Why aren’t we addressing people who have severe chronic pain who’s access to opiate pain relief has been cut off or reduced but they aren’t receiving a therapeutic benefit and a lot of those patients had to try non pharmaceutical and non narcotic therapies prior to being put on them but because they don’t have addiction issues they aren’t ideal candidates for medications like methadone or Suboxone.
Or patients who’ve been compliant with their medications are now being told to try medications in therapy classes such as SSRI/SNRIs or neuroleptic and/or anti anti-seizure medications that have not been proven to give relief to severe physical pain, as well as epidural injections , spinal cord stimulators that have shown not to be effective with severe chronic back pain and/or sciatica even for patients who aren’t looking for opiates such as patients who have severe allergies to opiates.
Or physicians that have to worry about pulling a script if a patient is abusing drugs because their liable legally ,if the patient overdoses and they know of the abuse and their lives are at stake or their co-workers such as what happened at Buffalo Allina here in Minnesota and other physicians in other states have been killed when pulling a prescription for opiates in a patient who had no signs of drug abuse or and no history of even being violent.
As well as putting unnecessary pressure on physicians who are afraid of liability of pulling scripts for opiate or having a reluctance to increase strength and/or dosage of patient’s scripts due to liability, peer pressure on compliant patients or patients who’s long term physician retired and no other physician will keep them on an opiate or opiate, benzodiazpine that has a therapeutic benefit and patients who wouldn’t normally find a drug dealer because of unbearable life limiting pain and anxiety who are compliant and normally wouldn’t find a dealer are now doing that or commiting suicide.
Not to mention all the peace officers who were gravely injured if not killed on the job where drugs were involved whether it was pulling over an impaired driver to a domestic call.
I can understand to an extent the good intention with wanting to mitigate diseases spread through shared needles and agree to access to clean syringes and more access to Narcan.
I can understand of wanting safe spaces for people to use who are vulnerable and have no history of violent crime.
All I’m saying is that being an addict in itself, I agree is most definitely NOT a crime.
But if crimes outside of the dealers that lawmakers are going to clamp down on, that may not be enough to curb the violent crime or unintentional actions that lead to innocent people being killed unintentionally that is hard to prevent due to the unpreventable and unpredictable behaviors in those battling drug addiction that to obtain the drugs or as a result of being an altered state of mind do end up commiting because of the drugs they are addicted to.
Drug prohibition isn’t working. Absolutely agree on that and have been saying that for a long time, now.
But going in the opposite direction and creating an ease of access and lack of accountability could hurt a lot of innocent people even though it could help others, as it applies to illegal drug residue on drug paraphernalia.
All I’m saying is this requires further dialogue between activists who advocated for these changes, lawmakers, law enforcement,physicians and activists like myself that all aspects that make innocent people collateral damage because of the opiate epidemic isn’t being addressed and acted upon as comprehensively as it should be.
And we are running out of time to help those both patients and physicians when it comes to patients ho are complaint with their medication regiment and again, physicians have to worry about liability issues if they do apply a patient tailored approach to medication management, patients who are complaint and wouldn’t seek a dealer and are now commiting suicide versus living a life where there’s no quality of life for the patient and physicians have to worttherapiesbout either the legalities and liability in compliant patients who’s medications were pulled when they developed a tolerance for opiates in a strength or frequency that due to multiple reasons even if a physician trusts a patient that makes a an opiate and benzo prescribing physician, should they be willing to prescribe, they aren’t willing to prescribe a strength or frequency with opiates and benzodiazipines or other legal controlled substances that will provide a patient with a therapeutic benefit and again, patients with no history of abuse aren’t likely to get medication assisted therapies.
So again, it’s not that I lack empathy for the laws in MN that were changed, I just can’t understand that so many people these laws who need help don’t address it.
Like, at all and their lives and safety is just as much at risk, more so, given the circumstances than the laws that passed to protect only a certain population of patients , alw enforcement, public safety and physicians..
Important Note: Again, I have friends who I’ve lost due to both intentionally and unintentional illegal and legal drug overdoses and alcohol addiction. If you can’t see that it might be possible I’m raising some valid concerns that truthfully, is alarming to me, please ask for clarification before making any assumptions.
And while I tried to research more in depth of the new laws, I didn’t get very far except articles like the one I linked above.
Assault rifle bans won’t be enough to prevent mass shootings, perhaps this might work… #Nashville and everywhere else!!!!
https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/
Disclaimers; I am not a clinically trained medical and mental health professional, nor do I have any training in public safety.
What I do have is a desire to reduce the mass shootings that are happening all around the country, whether it be schools, workplaces, hospitals and places of worship to name a few.
If the topic of the blog is potentially upsetting to you (somehow I have a problem using the word “triggering” given the subject matter”) I might suggest you don’t read.
At the same time, hopefully if you have a better idea on what its going to take to stop all these senseless killings, perhaps you may want to write your own blog.
And I’m not trying to be cheeky or disrespectful, in the cases of people who had family or loved ones killed in a massacre or for any reason, please don’t read if this will not helpful but hurtful to you.
***
I didn’t get up until 11 p.m. Monday 3-27-2023, was going through a lot for me, this weekend so I decided to walk it out until I was absolutely exhausted and 20 miles in, allowed me to sleep most of Monday.
That was clearly nothing compared to when I woke up, checked the news and saw another massacre had occurred Monday morning at a Nashville school.
I’m with the others who have said and are fed up with thoughts and prayers.
I also happened to catch the State of Tennessee who I’m not blaming, is looking to make drag shows ILLEGAL.
It’s safe to say that drag shows in Tennessee and the rest of the country are the least of our problems.
I was also surprised truthfully to find out the shooter identified as male, that they were transgendered.
As a LGTQIA+ activist that kind of threw me for a loop, not the massacre but the gender identification of the mass shooter.
While I loathe all misandry and of course misogyny, as well as all kind of hate,it did cross my mind that while I had read about manifestos about the shooting, I had to wonder if it had something to do with the motive, whether or not the shooter was a former student of the school.
That, in NO case gives a possible motive, a justified one.
What it does do and it brings it up, once again as someone as an activist who says constantly that real or perceived rejection which than leads to rage can then lead to revenge, if it at all had to do something with the motive, as it applies to the weapon/s used, where the shooting took place and how it was justified in the murderer’s head who knew they were going to die and was ready to but felt the need to kill innocent people knowing that it was highly likely they would be shot and killed as a result of it.
When “gun violence” comes up and in my case, I’ve never touched a gun, would never own one, I do elaborate that the gun isn’t just the problem, if you don’t do something to get the root cause of why people commit massacres, I do think it doesn’t do much as it could, to help reduce mass killings.
And murder/suicides are the hardest to try and address with initiatives or even tougher laws on crime, when you’re dealing with someone who wants to die but before that, murder people.
While I believe people should be able to have a gun (about though to make a major point about that) I can’t understand why anyone would need an assault rife.
Just something to ponder, there are a lot less deadly things that people have to go out of their way or get cleared for.
For example those who have chronic pain (and I’m talking about outside of the Opiate epidemic, alcohol is legal opiates/legal and otherwise and as far as I feel about smartphones/social medial) I believe the 3 other than weapons have a danger that doesn’t just extend to the user but the general public at large, that is also not being talk about as far as the harm they cause and it’s way easier usually to buy a gun, than to certainly to buy prescription drugs or even to get a driver’s license.
And while the above will be a topic for yet another blog, right now to stay on topic because gun violence IS now the leading cause of children dying and we are getting no where in prevention of that let alone of reducing the amount of deaths, they are increasing not decreasing.
The killer had no red flags as far as being able to purchase firearms.
And there shouldn’t be a red flag attached just based upon of what their sexual or gender identification was.
But what should there be, in addition to bans on assault rifles, the discussion not being taken in a direction of the fact the killer did identify as transgendered, especially, especially, ESPECIALLY given so many mass shootings are committed by people who identify as straight, usually straight males (not bashing men who aren’t gay, just saying most of the mass shootings are done by them) is more discussion on how do we stop this??? How many more kids and innocent people are going to die before major initiatives are in place?
Yes, discussions are taking place all the time, people are calling for action and laws to be changed BUT nothing is being done.
And while the people who die from these mass shootings, the weapon is the same but the motives are sometimes different.
And sometimes, too much, as only one time is one too many, for any kind of murder, regardless of weapon.
I guess this is what I’m proposing.
Even more discussion and action regarding gun violence. Even so far that isn’t working, either. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be enough. As we also need more initiatives, as well.
And also what I’m proposing in hopes to reduce all these senseless, horrific and tragic massacres, in the exception of domestic violence where someone’s life is in danger or in other special circumstances, that NO ONE even if someone doesn’t have any legal or psych history that an evaluation occurs by a mental health professional and law enforcement or another agency yet to be determined, before someone is eligible to purchase a gun.
Should this get read, I have a feeling I’m going to get a lot of blowback and hate.
Why, though?
People have to be a certain age to drink or buy a pack of cigarettes or cold medicines.
People have to have a license to drive, catch a fish and obtain a passport to travel out of the country.
It should be way more difficult for people to obtain a firearm, than any of the above, especially given how many people have been murdered by them.
And there’s absolutely no reason anyone in the general public needs an assault rifle.
How many more innocent kids and adults have to be murdered before real action and laws are enacted to make it harder to buy a firearm and not allowing anyone from the general public to purchase an assault rifle and increase criminal liability and responsibility (i.e. like longer jail sentences for one attempted murder, even in a person who had no prior criminal history).
Changing the laws where more punitive consequences would’ve not prevented Nashville’s massacre on Monday.
But making it illegal to have an assault rifle and doing more than a backround check, such as what I’e suggested an evaluation, could’ve possibly prevented something like the mass shooting in Nashville and others before it but before anymore innocent people die, making it way harder for anyone to get a firearm could save so many innocent people’s lives.
#WhenYouCannotSaveALife : The friend/patient in crisis edition…
Dedicated in memoriam to JJL and anyone who’s lost a friend or loved one who felt for whatever reason their life wasn’t worth saving for whatever reason…
Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional, if you or someone you know is in crisis please contact emergency services right away.
Unfortunately, this blog brings up obstacles for clinical professionals, non clinically trained professional such as myself who does advocacy for suicide prevention and awareness, disability, drug addiction and severe chronic pain and pain management, loved ones and friends who know or suspect their loved one is in crisis but who will not talk about it at all and will lie about how they are doing to avoid having to get inpatient or outpatient treatment because they felt their suffering wouldn’t end until their life did.
If this could possibly be triggering to any of my readers, please don’t read. Thanks!
***
“step one you say we need to talk…”
“he goes left, you stay right..”
partial lyrics from the song “How To Save A Life”/ The Fray…
There was no step one on my part, in the last 6 weeks when a neighbor friend got out out of a 30 day inpatient treatment program, 6 weeks ago, as there was a hostility emanating from him, the little I saw him, most of the time I just went in the opposite direction.
It wasn’t a lack of caring on either one of parts, in the 2 1/2 years I’ve lived here, we had many a late night talk about the complexities of life.
He knew though I was a mental health activist, what I specialized in and why I did.
I had seen before he entered treatment an instability and volatility in mood and behavior.
He could go from such as the beginning of the summer when I fell and hurt myself and was bleeding badly and crying to to comfort and help fix my boo-boos.
But he never asked for help at any time which he knew I had the skill set, I knew of his high intellect, empathetic side, his creative side and reminded him of that often to ask of anything of me when he was sad and when he was angry he truthfully scared me.
There are things though I owe him, as well as others who did know him, that I can’t say.
I did contact my manager of my apartment building though after not seeing him for a few weeks, concerned about his welfare and while she didn’t do something then a neighbor finally called the police to do a wellness check this past weekend and they found his body, quite dead decomposed.
I wasn’t shocked or surprised that he was dead, I also didn’t blame myself or him or any one of my neighbors because I knew he didn’t want to remain alive. That trying to do any kind of intervention would’ve been not successful as he couldn’t see any other path out of his suffering.
That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have tried to get help if I knew he was suicidal, but suspecting and knowing are 2 different things, especially when you know that patient had already lied to not be in extended form of treatment currently and he had lied to me in the past when showing concern for his welfare when I’d ask seeing me then as a mandated reporter more so than a friend.
The most devastating thing I know as an activist and it was reinforced this weekend is that for those who are suicidal or it’s suspected but they deny, but you know they are in a great amount of physical and emotional pain and add illegal substance abuse, you have very little window of opportunity to get patients like that a ray of hope so that they will get the help they need to be on the road of recovery.
Let alone to help keep them alive.
In my case now I have to shift gears as at applies here where Ilive and just try to support those who are struggling the most with his passing.
I will say this because I’d suck both as a human being and as an activist to please ask for help, understand that your suffering matters and there’s help and support and understanding for that.
People who are skilled and caring when it comes to suicide and drug abuse/addiction issues are NEVER going to guilt someone for feeling that way and the behaviors that come with that.
As those who throw in shame and guilt when it comes to medical and mental health issues are grossly incompetent at best and just grotesque at their worst and have no business in trying to help patients and peers in crisis.
For those who in mourning, whether it’s related to the topics discussed in this blog or grieving any kind of loss of a loved one or a a major life change such as a natural disaster causing loss of home or livelihood, your not alone in your suffering and grief, there is support, help and understanding for you, as well.
“Party of One”/changing the name of the “party”…
Important Disclaimers: This blog is talking about anything but an actual party of anything. It’s talking about cautiously, as people I love could be hurt by this which isn’t my intention and it’s also discussing for the first time something publicly, I’d prefer not to, but I already know when researching the topic which is family estrangement, it’s not something I’m dealing with that no one else is familiar with.
It’s just so painful and complicated.
If topic though of this nature is something that could be triggering to others or something one feels the need to judge another on, please don’t read. Thanks.
***
Something that I’ve never discussed on my blog in any detail is my family relationships.
I’ve talked about my failures though, in great detail and the remorse I’ve had for the pain I’ve unintentionally caused the people I love the most.
I haven’t wanted forgiveness for them per se for selfish reasons, I want those that I love to heal for the hurt I’ve caused them.
The problem is my own healing is in jeopardy because they have found my actions or lack of them, when at my sickest to be unforgivable.
I’ve never truthfully had a great relationship with my immediate family.
I was too much, too fat, then too thin, then too disabled but not sick enough to consider myself disabled, it was an excuse according to my family, to shirk any responsibility, whether it be to look they way they did, to be a better parent when I was a good one and it being unacceptable that I couldn’t get my head on straight when my life and my health went to hell, as my gastric bypass complications got so bad 15 years ago.
But my relationship with my parents and my sisters who are good hard working people, good looking people, successful people, has been fraught with contention from the time Iwas a young child, being a quiet food addict who didn’t handle being bullied by everyone very well.
As I could change the bullying if I wanted to, was their thinking, I could try to look better, have better jobs, be a perfect parent and that was in addition to becoming a parent, unmarried first with one baby fat, where my son’s father (who’s wonderful now both to my son and my daughter who isn’t his child) in the last 12 years when he came into my son’s my life and my daughter’s father who hasn’t seen her since she was 3 months old, only seeing her for one month and being absent most of my pregnancy, my son’s father left the state when I was 2 months pregnant with him 30 1/2 years ago and met him when he turned 18, as I found both my children’s father’s right before my gastric bypass was reversed because of the chances I wasn’t supposed to survive by the end of 2010.
The reason why I’ve never talked about this, is because it’s not just my privacy I’m invading, it’s my children’s, my parents and my sisters, too.
But in 3 weeks I turn 53. I’ve lived in a family that I’ve been a problem for 48 years and while I know my family has done their best, they have not tried to forgive me then, let alone accept me for my differences then or for the last 15 years.
To bring it up now, doesn’t feel good, as I’m trying to get some peace of mind, to get some closure on relationships that mean the most to me, that most likely cannot be repaired they’ve been quite fractured for so long, but these relationships other than with my children, I’m not as at much fault.
I know a lot of times when family’s are estranged, people don’t want to talk about it due to the stigma.
But I guess I’m so used to being stigmatized my entire life, other than white privilege and coming from an upper middle class home but that I was the failure and embarrassment that it’s not the stigma that’s broken me and my heart for so long, it’s the feeling of emotional abandonment and feeling unloved.
I’m thinking of changing my entire name, legally but I know I’m probably at this point going to need to change more than that, as I work on the acceptance, that no matter how much you love someone, whether it be platonically, romantically or familial, sometimes even in cases where there is love and caring, a relationship is too far gone, too fractured and causes more harm, especially one party over another is more invested in trying to repair, what apparently has to be the unrepairable.
I’m not writing this for myself, honestly, this being written, alone will not help me.
I’m writing this for those who can relate, they are the loving but damaged flakey people in their families where their families may not straight out hate them but would prefer to pretend they don’t exist 99% of the time.
There’s 2 quotes I use often when talking about relationships as an activist that hopefully can help with those who suffering similar to how I am and are looking for peace of mind and closure as they try to move on with their lives, alone when going through what feels like being abandoned by one’s family.
First is from Grey’s Anatomy: “Having something halfway is harder than not having it at all”.
Second is from social media influencer Trent Shelton: “You cannot expect the person/people who broke your heart to repair it”.
So I guess I’m on a new journey to self acceptance and self appreciation knowing I’m not wanted in my familial relationships and if you are on a similar journey, as alone as this can feel, you’re not alone.
There just needs to be better support for those of us who are going through this but also find too much social media is also not good for them.
Because I feel like I just outed myself and my family who didn’t ask for this, whether or not I will write anymore about this new path I’m on, remains to be seen.
But again, because it bears repeating, if you can relate you aren’t alone and I’m sorry you’re going through this,but I have to believe such as in cases like mine, where I bear some blame of a familial relationship, families have to be about forgiveness, if those who are supposed to love you who can’t (I’m not talking in cases of severe, intentional physical, emotional and sexual abuse type of trauma of what is right when it comes to forgiveness) forgive, the unforgiven usually cannot stay or attempt after attempt to one sided repair and thrive.
You can’t lose something you really never had in the first place….
And learning that, even late is better than NEVER learning and accepting that.
“What’s scarier than one crazy driver with a gun…”
https://people.com/crime/two-florida-dads-charged-with-attempted-murder-daughters-shot-road-rage/
Well according to the Nassau County sheriff where incident in above link took place HIS response was “2 crazy drivers with a gun!”
If you skip the article, a week ago 2 men in FL in a road rage incident that escalated out of control, presenting a potential public safety hazard instead led both men to shoot one anoether’s daughter riding in the car.
If you also choose not to read the article, both men are out on bond.
Doesn’t say if their vehicles or guns were confiscated, maybe they were, because they were part of a crime, but if that’s how 2 dads behave on the road with kids in their car, begs the question “HOW THE FUCK DO THEY BEHAVE AT HOME AND EVERYWHERE ELSE!?!”.
I mean seriously when something like this happens now a days and one would think they would shoot each other, but no, they shoot each other’s daughters, we have to realize that people do have a rage problem that’s leading to violence with weapons like guns and knives and cars are being weaponized, too.
This isn’t the first time I’ve said that.
It’s also not the first time where I talk about rejection, leading to rage and the need for revenge and that we have to have more initiatives in place as weapons and anything weaponized is only deadly based upon the intention of the enraged violent criminal.
As devastating as an activist and just as a human being it was to read this story last night, it’s repeatedly highlighting the point that while I know I’m not wrong but wish I was wrong, more than anything but honestly have no idea what it’s going to take for this violent behavior to stop.
And I also know that’s we have to love and respect those we love and even people we don’t like much and let go of unintentional and even intentional rejection (something that’s is behind all the increased in domestic homicides, as well workplace, places of worship and school shootings) and feelings of rage and do our part not to feed into it to others, because as bad as this has gotten, it’s only going to get worse without more initiatives for dealing with rejection and rage and getting more people believing that everyone has a right to a safe and peaceful life.
unstapledlisa 