It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Posts tagged ‘#StigmaKills’

What, if anything can be done to reduce domestic murder/suicides??? #StigmaKills

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http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org 1-800-273-8255
http://www.befrienders.org (outside the U.S.)

Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. I will ALWAYS encourage people in crisis to seek immediate professional help or call emergency services if they or someone they know is capable of hurting themselves or others.

The epidemic we are facing now, is that sometimes people are just snapping and killing loved ones and then themselves, when a relationship ends.

Sometimes there is an issue where in cases of domestic violence, recently, where a spouse seeks an order of protection and whether or NOT it’s granted, it’s still not enough for someone to not only kill their signficant others but children and other family or friends who are in the household or the spare the abused spouse, to cause as much horrific physical and emotional trauma as possible.

And sometimes people are commiting these horrific tragedies with no previous criminal or mental health history.

We are in a new era, that people who are clinically trained medical and mental health professionals and law enforcement and we as a society have to come up with a better way of potentially forecasting these potentially tragedies and educating people on gettting evaluated and treated for their depression and rage issues so it’s not fatal to them or anyone else.

I’d ask though if this is too sensitive of a topic for people, please DO NOT read.

Thanks…
***

I just managed to catch a beyond tragic story on People.com, a few minutes ago.

An Alabama man, after his wife, a 3rd grade teacher filed for divorce, due to his opioid addiction issues, and 9 days after she filed for divorce he shot her and 1 of 3 triplets to death, 2 of the triplets were also shot are in ICU after being able to escape and their 13 year old escaped before the father was able to shoot them and setting his house with the 2 of the dead bodies in it, last weekend.

I’ve probably now wrote at least a dozen blogs on trying to bring awareness on how to prevent domestic murder/suicides.

Again, it bears repeating, I’m NOT a clinically trained professional nor do I have any training in law enforcement or criminal psychology.

But this is what I do know:

Domestic violence has been around for a long time and it’s getting deadlier for a partner to end a relationship than it ever has been.

And even in relationships that domestic violence wasn’t a factor, more people are innocently are being killed, when a relationship ends, than ever before.

Both legal and illegal opioids have been around for a long time but more people are dying due to overdoses and as innocent parties to opioid addiction and abuse because of a loved one’s opioid addiction.

In this instance, it wasn’t released of whether or not that man was legally able to have a firearm.

And in the nature of how he ambushed his family, he still had the rage and kerosene to set his house on fire.

I’m not saying that I don’t believe in some issues regarding gun control.

Because I definitely do.

It’s not that I don’t feel any different with regulating opiates.

As I definitely do about that, as well.

The thing is though, if we don’t find a way for people whether it’s starting when people are young to find a way to constructively work through anger and rage, when feeling rejection, even if we could eradicate both guns and drugs, people would still die from addiction issues and be murdered in a different manner other than with a firearm, because others can’t appropriately process rage and rejection, the addiction in some of these cases, just adds another complication and/or higher risk of escalation of violence and increased risk for fatalities.

If people aren’t afraid of going to prison, due to being violent or possessing or abusing drugs, don’t have the respect for the sanctity of life, either for themselves or someone they are supposed to love, where their rage of a partner’s rejection outweighs them rationally knowing that their loved ones have a right to their lives and peace of mind, an order of protections don’t mean anything, if it’s applicable.

And in a lot of recent cases, orders of protections weren’t applicable.

Because, people who had no criminal history, have killed their families, loved ones, friends and/or peers and then lots of times, themselves when a relationship ends or feeling some kind of rejection romantically or platonically.

Or when feeling rejected in school, their workplaces or their houses of worship.

More initiatives are needed to try and prevent these horrific tragedies.

And they are needed NOW.

And starting these kind of initiatives, when people are young and being constructively educated, lifelong.

Note: I will NOT publish anything that’s not constructive. Thanks….

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An Open Letter to Val Kilmer…

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Yo Val,

I usually live my life, according to quote, pictured above.

I felt bad when I heard you had throat cancer.

And I’m happy for you, that you’re in remission.

I’ve never talked about you or thought over the years, cause I have kind of an actual personal reason to dislike you, that extends beyond the fact you were like the fucking WORST Batman, like ever.

Instead of trying to make comments regarding a certain celebrity, who just sadly passed on Friday, June 8th, 2018, that DOES NOT help anyone, just PLEASE shut the fuck up, ok?

And ya wanna know why I know you can be a complete asshole???

23 years ago, I used to work for a company that was subcontracted by BA, where we managed their frequent flyer program.

And so 23 years ago, I went to work, UNPAID and off the clock, cause you were making your personal assistant, absolutely MISERABLE, over a few thousand frequent flyer miles, that YOU failed to properly claim.

So instead of disrespecting someone who just died and their loved ones, friends and fans, maybe just worry about not being a dick to people in your own circle, OK?

You wanna help people???

Maybe try doing activism for throat cancer prevention.

But with like Batman movies AND suicide prevention, you kinda suck at it.

So fucking knock it off, OK?

Respectfully, ME and 90% of the universe…

How to help those who are suicidal when they DO NOT want anyone to know that they are….

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1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Hotline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
http://www.befrienders.org (for people who live outside the U.S)

Important Disclaimers: I’m not a clinically trained professional in medical or mental health issues. I will always urge someone if they or someone they love is capable of hurting and/or killing themselves or others, to seek immediate professional help in appropriate acute facility or call 911 or emergency services in your country of residence.
***

Because of the type of activism I do, when people talk about those who they love who’s depression was fatal to them, the hardest answer I have to give (see above disclaimer) as a non professional, is when they tell me that the loved one did that and there were no clear cut signs.

In fact, they seemed happy or at peace.

I’m not the only mental health activist I’m sure to point one tragically heartbreaking thing to admit, to those who’ve never struggled with suicidal ideation, can’t comprehend.

If someone you love or care a lot about, has been struggling with severe depression and even regardless if they’re on medications and have been evaluated and are actively seeking treatment, is still struggling and then all of a sudden, they seem so much better, one of the most hard things to understand is that they can APPEAR to be doing okay, if not great.

That happens because for some and some people between illness and depending on how much suffering they are going through and how well they hide it are happy, not because they are getting help, but because they’ve decided to end their suffering, once and for all.

(Important Note: I’m going to stop here, on purpose, I had written the above, YESTERDAY and had  felt this was going to get too  wordy, when I woke up this morning, I found out that another celebrity this week,  had died by suicide.

The sad irony is, this blog I only attempted to start writing yesterday, after seeing a psychologist interviewed on CNN where she discussed missed signs of the suicidal, but didn’t address this one. I’m in NO WAY discounting the importance of clinically trained professional help or input. And CNN did do a better job of suicide awareness on their website today, due to a loss of an admired contributor of theirs today, due to suicide)

What again, is that sign???

The person seemed HAPPY.

People who are balanced and genuinely happy, their depression doesn’t become fatal for them, at least at risk of it being caused by their own despair and then their own action that leads to their death.

The bizarre phenomena of why people miss this in suicidal loved ones who don’t want anyone to know that they’re suicidal, is because they mistake relief for happiness.

Or sadly and it’s hard to explain to those who aren’t or haven’t ever been suicidal, they ARE actually happy,  because they know their suffering is going to end, because they’ve specifically made a plan and usually means and a date and they are relieved, if not overjoyed to know their suffering is going to end.

It’s also compounded with the trickiness of even the most mentally balanced person who still suffers mental illness and/or from severe depression and anxiety, of NOT wanting having to hear of all the reasons why it’s NOT okay to take their life/die from suicide/depression being fatal to them and they go out of their way to show their doing okay, if not great, because they either in lapse of ration of their own wellbeing and  don’t want to hear it and/or people don’t know how to help them, so they don’t ask because they don’t know how or what to say, if they’re in trouble and they’re too afraid of the potential ramifications should they be honest of how devastatingly depressed and devoid of hope that they are experiencing.

And again, while no one is to blame if someone’s depression is deadly to themselves, if they’ve heard another, say “suicide is the easy way out” or anything that could cause further depression and guilt, those of us who know people who feel that way, are less likely to share how much they’re unbearably hurting inside.

And the stigma is bad enough, it’s worse in people who are suicidal and are a parent, where it’s thought even more so to be the ultimate act in selfishness.

I’m not trying to make an argument for someone to die from suicide, I’m trying to explain for those who NEVER have thought about it, why some people die that way or why some of us TRIED, even though we have loved ones that we were going to leave behind.

There is a time sensitivity to this blog, as usually when there is celebrity suicides, such as what happened this week and with Robin Williams, there’s an increase in non celebrity suicide deaths.

In this case, I’m going to concentrate on just  TWO of many,  major factors with some people and it usually is a factor in both, when it comes to celebrities or high powered people who die due  to suicide.

They just lost a loved one either by death or breakup and they don’t get help because of stigma and/or they don’t think their suffering isn’t going to end without them dying.

In addition to people who are at risk from suicide, needing professional help, sometimes the person, such as in a long term (or even short term) loving relationship, even lovingly and thoughtfully dissolved can increase risk of death, in addition that stigma of suicide and mental health can create a deadly situation.

I need to be clear, again,  it’s no one’s fault, when people die this way, as far as death by suicide, when a relationship ends.

I need to be clearer, sometimes the person, in addition to needing acute intensive professional help but who won’t get it, the person who cannot help them, sometimes, if not a lot of times, is the person who is a party of a relationship issue.

And it’s no one’s fault.

If that’s the case, a if you suspect someone is in danger to themselves, you can safely intervene, either softly and sensitively  by getting someone else (i.e. a good friend to that person, family member who’s sensitive to depression issues who will not resort to using guilt (this is why it’s best to get professional help, if you really suspect oneself or a loved one is suicidal) to personally talk to that person, and ask if they are thinking and/or wanting to die, only if it’s safe to do so or you can always contact above resources on the top of this blog for support and/or contact emergency services.

As while I’ve talked about this more in past blogs and will continue to do so, in future blogs, in addition to suicide prevention, which is something I am an activist for, I can NOT be any clearer when I say, sometimes you’ll/we’ll  miss signs because there wasn’t any signs to miss.

But it can’t hurt those you love by reminding them you’re a safe person to talk to, if they ever need it, whether they’re in crisis or not.

So let’s just keeping  about this more, in hopes to help those in crisis and those who love/d them, without any stigma, in hopes to physically and emotionally save lives,OK?

Note: Anything that’s not constructive to my readers or myself, will NOT be published.

Additional Note: I purposely, in honor of those who are celebrities who died of suicide this week, and will be now in the news constantly, did NOT want to name them, out of respect for them and their families.

Or for anyone who’s lost a loved one, while I can say as an activist in this blog on ideas or hopes for suicide prevention, to honor those who we lose and their loved ones, you honor their lives and the love you had for them, going forward, society should not sensationalize, condemn and/or dishonor them, in who they were and/ or  the way they died.

 

In hopes of that #KateSpade didn’t die in vain….

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http://www.befrienders.org (International Suicide Prevention services outside the United States)

Important Disclaimers: I’m NOT  a clinically trained medical or mental health professional. IF you or someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves or others or potentially suicidal, please seek professional clinical help, immediately or contact 911.

I sadly learned way more about Kate Spade after her death yesterday, than I knew about her when she was alive, other than she created beautiful accessories.

I sadly learned way more information, all of us did after her tragic death, as far as in the circumstances regarding it,  than what we should’ve been privy to.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite, in the respect that I think her closest family and friends are due privacy, due to their tragic loss by writing about it, now.

What I hope to accomplish, because I am, so it wasn’t in vain, because details that shouldn’t be public are, that whether it’s famous people or non famous people, relationship problems are becoming more deadly, when people are experiencing romantic heartbreak, to  partner/s , parents, children both young and old, if not wiping out entire families, if not tragically ending other people’s lives, as well.

We HAVE to do better as a society from removing stigma and talking about how to better handle and cope with relationship heartbreak, rejection and rage and maybe then we can have some hope in reducing these senseless tragedies.

Because this is happening both with people who have known mental health issues and those who where there was NO known mental health issues and just suddenly “snapped” without any warning (which sometimes is truly the case, even if it wasn’t in this instance, depending on whether or not people closest to Kate who have talked and maybe SHOULD NOT have, publically), this can’t and shouldn’t continue to be an everyday occurance.

I can only hope going forward, we FINALLY have the important conversations in our society that we need to have, that we remove stigma from relationship endings and/or mental illness and that people can feel they can get evaluated and proper treatment for their depression, to reduce the chances of it  being potentially, if not actually being fatal to them and possibly others, without feeling stigmatized.

My thoughts are with Kate’s  (and anyone who might be triggered somehow or can relate) family, friends and fans.

Peace…

Note: Please, constructive feedback, ONLY. Thanks!!!

Physicians with biases ARE physicians who HARM, even if it’s unintentional…

 

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Disclaimers: I am NOT a clinically trained or credentialed medical or mental health professional. NOTHING I say should EVER be taken in lieu of professional medical and/or mental health evaluation or treatment of ANY condition.

I can ONLY put my opinions, where I hope to help people, where I have in guiding them, at the very best, simultaneously,  at the same time to get the best medical or mental health treatment, from trained clinical professionals, in an appropriate setting , such as what I do with gastric bypass patients in various scenarios with gastric bypass reversals, among other things.

BUT,  what I have to say about how various biases carried by physicians and the potential for physical and emotional harm, still needs further civil, respectful and responsible but sometimes when appropriate, critical discussion, not ONLY by patients but the actual medical and mental health professionals within their own  communities.

I ONLY believe though, when dealing with a provider who one might feel is showing bias that effects one’s care,  of discussion of potential  misbehavior, if  one feels that they’re being treated unfairly or unreasonably, because of that bias (I’m talking about appointments, not to the point where blatant physical or emotional malpractices have occurred) of filing a grievance, if a discussion doesn’t resolve the issue and/or finding another physician.

It is NEVER okay to threaten the emotional or physical wellbeing of anyone, including a physician or any provider, for biases and if depending on the degree of physical and/or emotional harm has occurred, if that’s an actual issue, there’s legal remedies one can look into and/or take.

That’s it, making or threatening a physician’s physical and emotional safety and wellbeing is NEVER okay (more will be elaborated about that, in the content of this blog).

Also note, I have people I associate with where they may find my communication style at best, offensive, because I’m kind of open with my various disabilities and with those disabilities, it’s difficult for me to be concise or write well, even if this topic definitely needs discussion and resolutions.

***

All I wanted to do last weekend,  was to  have an okay weekend.

Let me explain, as most people know, that due to my disabilities, that I don’t have anything normal in responsibilities, like people my age do.

But in my case, I kind of dread weekends, while my blogs have been both personally and as an activist, VERY serious as of late, it’s kind of scary where I live, because on weekends, when staff isn’t here, people are more likely to act out.

Even with cameras, unannounced drug sniffing K9s and security during nights and weekends.

While I explain to those few about explaining where I live,  that 1/2 the building where I live are good to have as neighbors, the other half is people who have issues with drug addiction and what it takes to support an illegal drug addiction (dealing and/or other illegal and unsafe behaviors to support an addiction of themselves and who they associate with) , if one’s on their way or headed to rock bottom, especially for poor people, it’s not a fun thing to live amongst, even if I have some empathy for non violent addicts.

The best way I can describe where I live is my building is like a stupid drug cartel that’s badly managed and a church had a baby.

Seriously and it’s NOT funny or fun to live in, even though I’m grateful for my housing.

Also as a serious activist, if I’m going to point out where doctors fail patients in under medicating patients or being afraid to use opiates as a last resort, I also have a responsibility as an activist, to do no harm, myself.

To either patients or providers or to anyone.

The last thing I’d want to give the impression, as an activist,  is that people can be complacent nor would I want to enable, when it comes to the potential of drug addiction or feed into a denial pattern, if they actually are in the midst of drug addiction or heading into drug addiction with either prescription or  illegal opiates.

I know it sounds like I’m digressing, please be patient, I will make my point when it comes to physicians and their biases and how it harms.

Because of all the clinical data I have to read, both as a patient and as an activist, who’s trying to find answers both to opiate addictions and obesity surgery complications, is by using Google.

So when last Saturday night,  it was in my suggestions on Google,  to check out a physician driven site to support and educate medical providers, especially as it applies to interventional pain management or obesity related issues (among many other medical topics but those were the 2 most talked about ones, as well as ones I’ve discussed ad nauseum in this blog in the past) , I didn’t need that site, to know that bias among physicians was horrifyingly pervasive and permanenting who apparently were WAY unaware that they had a few of these awful biases that I’m going to discuss in this blog.

I just didn’t need to see it on Saturday night, when my building was a hotbed of not life threatening criminal behavior due to drugs, but it still was scary because you don’t ever know when that’s going to escalate.

I happen on that physician site to read an article a blog that  a pain management specialist wrote,  who was trying to make a point on how tricky it is to do pain management using a popular stereotype that’s perpetuated not only with non physicians, but within the medical community.

Patient #1:  was a morbidly obese patient who misused opiates claiming she was under medicated, that she was treating who had  needed a double knee replacement and severe  back pain  due to a disc issue (and apparently her inability to stop eating for more than a minute)  and had mental health issues and when the physician pulled her meds due to her non compliance and her quite clearly expressing the patient having NO willpower whatsoever, that patient trashed her online, so she thought, as right after that happened, she received a bunch of negative reviews on a bunch of medical websites.

Patient #2: Very friendly thin patient perfectly compliant dying of cancer, who used a moderate amount of opiates sparingly, despite her severe intractable pain due to terminal cancer with mets and in this instance, the pain management doctor had a nauseating borderline reverence, for.

I will admit, that I’ve had that kind of prejudice similar to patient #1 even though I’m not known for compliance with most meds, other than narcs due to high tolerance (and how I’m resolving that, will be in another blog, soon).

But that blog by that pain management doctor, hit me way harder as an ACTIVIST.

This is what I know to be true, due to the  activism that I do.

Bias can kill patients not only from physicians even if it’s not intentional, due to stigma, as well as by,  non physician peers.

I get that all the time, when I have to talk to a gastric bypass patient with catastrophic complications, into what may be right for them, such as a a gastric bypass reversal, who’s going to die, has a BMI of 19, even with weight loss of 200 lbs and NO surgery to correct extra skin, so their BMI is actually even lower, when that’s taken into consideration, but they’re afraid of and what’s worse, is their current bariatric surgeon is afraid of doing a reversal, in case they become morbidly obese, again.

Where they are more likely to DIE from their catastrophic complications, before Obesity again could put them in mortal danger.

Or in the case because I’m a body diversity activist and find thin shaming repugnant, if I say that someone who’s thin, they’ll usually share their skinny shaming stories and if they’ve had a past or current history with bulimia and/or anorexia.

Or when I see within the weight loss surgery community, patients who get very thin because they’re terrified they’ll be fat again, not realizing that it’s not ideal, it’s actually unhealthy,  to be exercising intensely like an athlete, on 400-1000 calories a day, not only does that make them more at risk for exercise related injuries, it kills their metabolisms, in the long run, if not creates other health risks.

So doing behaving that way is no insurance policy that a bariatric patient won’t gain weight again or have any other severe health problems.

Or if they have bariatric surgical complications, quite a few bariatric patients actually think they deserved them, because they were fat in the first place and had to resort to bariatric surgery.

Or when patients who are morbidly obese to medical and mental health issues and want bariatric surgery or to lose weight, they sometimes become obese due to inactivity due to their health issues and their medications, they can’t have their total knees without losing weight or their bariatric surgeries and they can’t lose weight without either surgeries and are absolutely in a no win situation.

With weight stigma, especially when it comes to Obesity, it hurts both fat and thin patients.

With fat patients, they hate getting medical care, because if they go the doctor for strep, it’s going to be blamed on their weight.

And it shouldn’t be any surprise but it will be to providers, if they have fat bias, the patients who they are treating are FULLY aware of that and that’s why people of weight loathe to seek medical treatment which can sometimes kill a patient, but even at unfortunately, at best,  unnecessarily makes getting any kind of medical treatment, a lot harder than it should be.

It also hurts and potentially harm  thin patients, because they may less likely to think they could have health issues, and their physicians feel the same way, because if they’re a “healthy” weight, it’s presumed, that they’re actually healthy,  when they may not be.

With opiates due to stigma, if a physician has a patient who’s in intractable severe pain, there is a risk they will self medicate and possibly harm if not accidently kill themselves,  they engage in unsafe and unhealthy behaviors to treat their pain and/or they kill themselves, if they aren’t appropriately medicated and/or suddenly taken off their medication.

Especially now, with the opiate epidemic, patients who are compliant, but have been on opiates for a long time are now starting to die, because they find a dealer and/or patients are actually commiting suicide, becoming collateral damage because of the opiate epidemic,  due to unbearable physical pain, because they don’t feel they have any other options and they have no quality of life and they have no options as a last resort for pain.

Absolutely NO physician should be congratulating themselves or encouraging as a positive behavior,  that a terminal patient has great “willpower” by not using opiates for severe intractable pain, if medications are working properly, when the risk of addiction in that patient is next to nothing and the patient is ONLY afraid to take opioids, because of stigma due to drugs, and would rather die a horrifyingly  painful death than be considered a drug addict due to stigma , even if the patient is going to DIE.

NONE OF THIS IS OKAY!!!

I’ve said this before, as a medical activist.

HOW and WHY, in this evolved technological era, why are people becoming MORE backwards in our society, has to be discussed openly, without stigma.

BUT medical and mental health professionals take an oath to try and not do harm.

IF they have personal biases, regarding fat patients, challenging patients to treat or mental health patients and/or any other kind of  biases, who are coming to them for any kind of treatment, they OWE it to their patients, to give them the best possible care.

And they can’t do that, if they have ANY kind of  preconceived particular bias towards ANY population of people.

In the defense of physicians or any medical or mental health provider, while I’m not excusing bias that limits their ability to care for their patients, they shouldn’t have to worry about physical or emotional harm, either.

Also patients LIE, like all the time or don’t even realize the dangers if they are aren’t lying a lot, but about things that may seem trivial to them but it’s not and it makes them a liability to both themselves and possibly their providers, especially one who is prescribing narcotics to them.

But even if 9,999 out of 10,000 patients are lying, especially about what they’re actually ingesting, all of them deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt, especially if the 10,000th patient may be, if not, is actually telling the truth

Every patient deserves an individual patient tailored approach to their unique physical makeup being able to feel safe with their medical and mental health providers.

Every provider should feel that they don’t have to worry about being physically or emotionally harmed, because they say something or take a course of an action that a patient doesn’t agree with.

Patients should just stop seeing that provider in that case, in case of negligence or harm, consider a legal remedy, that’s it, if a reasonable (as patients can be respectful, responsible and critical at the same time) discussion or resolution is NOT possible with a provider and/or seek a different provider, if possible

But pretending that bias doesn’t exist, that it can harm patients in their ability to get appropriate (and sometimes lifesaving) treatment of their health conditions,  that resolving one addiction and not addressing the nature of addiction, can lead to another, is harming people, both patients and providers, alike.

Because we aren’t having the responsible and respectful dialogues we need to, as as society,  because of STIGMA.

So while I will hold a physician to the hippocratic oath, it couldn’t hurt anyone, if we actually all took it.

Note: Constructive feedback, only.

Also note: Again, I believe in both any of the obesity surgeries AND opiates, as an absolute last resort. I’m not against any weight loss surgery, I just have a unique situation in being one of the more long term gastric bypass reversal patients out there, of being asked about that, a lot.

As it applies to opiates, I have lost people I’ve cared about due opioid addiction as well as see it in other case, such as described above, ruin people’s lives, so again, it bears repeating, I’m not trying to feed into or enable the opioid epidemic, as an activist.

Although, I’m also not going to apologize for being supportive of invasive medical treatments for different health issues, i.e. both obesity surgeries and opiates, but I will always strongly urge people when you take drastic action, make sure you have a long term plan, are well educated and are well supervised, medically (and mentally), life long.

Nor am I going to apologize for the length of this blog, due to the sensitive nature of what I addressed in this blog,  that I had to so  comprehensively and fairly, to do  justice both to patients and providers, alike.

And if you saw at times, what frightening words or phrases sometimes end up in search engines for my blog, well you’d understand better, why I have to have such a lengthy in depth disclaimer.

Thanks!!!

“Emotional Self Defense”??? #MLK50 #YouTubeShooting….

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Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically or credentially  trained professional in medical, mental health, law enforcement and/or  in public safety. IF anyone you know is in crisis and is a danger to themselves or others,  please contact law enforcement immediately, on my previous blog to this one, I have dozens of national links and one global link on my previous blog.

Unfortunately, the above disclaimer wouldn’t have done any good, yesterday.

I’m talking about the attempted potential mass murder and suicide of a shooter at the You Tube Headquarters in San Bruno, California, yesterday.

Her family did the right thing.

And this blog and my intentions isn’t to cast blame on anyone but the shooter.

And ask once again, could’ve anything been done to prevent this, well with initiatives, at least and what they need to look like, at this point.

But because as an activist, while I rely on quotes and the work of Dr. Martin Luther King, to help inspire me. I’m going to look at using some of his work, to help in hopes that at least some of these tragedies can possibly be prevented, that go beyond gun control and mental health awareness, which I believe in, I just don’t believe it’s enough.

On this 50th anniversary of MLK’s assassination, I’m looking to his work tonight, to bring out his wisdom and kindness in such a scary digital age, 5 decades later to see if any of these tragedies can be prevented, possibly.

I had thought yesterday after the shooting and the news coverage, once the shooter was identified as being dead, I’d leave this alone.

I spent yesterday morning running errands and had an afternoon appointment when I came home to decompress and lots of times I do that by watching You Tube, as I have a paid account (YouTube Red) and no cable.

Only when taking a quick break to check on email, about 20 minutes after it started to trend about an active shooter situation.

But the motives and end results, where in this case, one of the victims is still in critical condition, these happen too often with different motives of the shooter and different degrees of horrifying end outcomes.

I spent most of my morning yesterday, explaining in random details to the person helping me run errands, prior to the tragedy yesterday, of explaining why I do something in regards to murder/suicide prevention, as a blogger and activist.

I don’t think I’m the most qualified (hardly), but it’s something that’s now almost becoming a daily horrifying tragedy in the United States with varying opinions arguing who’s the more right but no professional insight from those trained in dealing with abnormal/trauma psychiatry or psychology.

The above quote by MLK I think could do a lot in preventing these tragedies from occurring, as far as teaching forgiveness, kindness and empathy and and how to productively deal with rejection and rage, from the time people are young.

But when talking about this tragedy on Facebook, I brought up something and it’s something to consider.

I have to wonder if some of these tragedies are based in an abhorrent/abnormal mindset of “emotional self defense” of the worst kind.

Meaning people when feeling wronged, it’s okay to be upset, it’s not okay to take away people’s inherent right to peace of mind, not at the expense of others, nor at the expense of human life, EXCEPT when people are in a situation of mortal danger, but some people are not seeming to rationally realize this, at this point.

I have the expression about myself that I’m “damaged but not dangerous” and while there’s a lot of things I don’t like about myself or my life and while I’m pondering if there’s more I can do to be a more productive human being, I can say that trying to help people learn in a constructive way, from my own personal tragedies, may have not led to physical wealth and the ultimate in personal success, but I can feel at least a small sense of pride, that what I went through, it wasn’t in vain.

And I’m not saying that all people should be this way, I do believe people have to find their own way in the world, but whether or not someone is capable of forgiveness, they shouldn’t be capable of such short sighted but irrevocable revenge, especially when it comes to loss of life, in situations that aren’t literally a matter of life or death, if EVER.

As I’ve said before in previous blogs, I use the internet to have some quality of life, I don’t think it’s good for people who even make a living on social media, to make a life or live life on the multiple platforms of social media, that are now available to us.

And that mental health and/or fitness (which yes, it’s possible, even when having different mental illnesses) and agility, is EQUALLY important as physical health.

And also as I’ve said in recent blogs and blogs for years now, on the topic of mass murder and murder/suicide rooted in rejection and rage (or for ANY reason), teaching that there is no shame in getting help for oneself and maybe we need to teach people how to help themselves, get acute professional help, whenever it’s possible, before they hurt and/or kill themselves and others.

So when I’m sad that we live in such a divided angry society with a growing daily body count of innocent others, I’m going to continue to ask myself “What would MLK do???”.

So that he didn’t die in vain and the many people now, who are continuing to die because of deadly violent rage.

And maybe it would help others, to do the same.

Peace….

Note: Blog being published on 4-4-2018. Constructive input welcomed. No hate, please.

And while it makes me nauseous to have to say this, if one can’t find comfort and wisdom in the works of MLK, there’s always Mr. Rogers, K?

Thanks!!!

#StigmaKills : Another day, ANOTHER #MurderSuicide…

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Disclaimers: I’m NOT a clinically trained professional. I will ALWAYS implore people in crisis to seek immediate clinically trained professional medical and mental health help and/or immediate help from law enforcement by calling 911.

The problem with above disclaimer, as exhibited in a blog from a few days ago and  with this particular blog,  which is to discuss another horrific murder/suicide that occurred on Tuesday, both involve members of the military who were in crisis.

I understand fully, that no one has asked me or expects a disabled blogger to solve complex crimes like murder/suicide or massacres.

But the problem IS, NO ONE is talking about it, from a professional point of view, in hopes to prevent these tragedies from occurring over and over again.

The horrific tragedy in California took place by someone who was actively seeking treatment but got kicked out of a program and there wasn’t any safety net, which I’m definitely not blaming anyone.

The horrific domestic murder/suicide that took place in the state of Washington, on Tuesday,was committed by a man, where it was talked about  a potential of marital discord, but the man after killing his family, had the horrible misguided enough sense of presence of mind to call 911, to report that he committed the murders and would be commiting suicide and THANK the first responders he spoke to, but NOT enough presence of mind to stop himself from killing his entire family and himself, in the first place.

When I went researching for initiatives, I found a lot of research, by both federal, state and educational entities on murder/suicide.

What I DID NOT find was INITIATIVES for PREVENTION of murder/suicides.

I hope those who are formally clinically trained in dealing with traumatic events of this nature, will speak up.

I hope that any news entity that reports these crimes, will question the lack of support systems for people in crisis who are capable of doing so much good in their lives, but then end innocent others lives and their own, in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE.

I hope that as many initiatives that need to take place to help prevent these tragedies, will FINALLY be created.

I learned when I volunteered in a battered woman’s shelter in my early 20’s, we were taught that the most deadly time for a battered victim was when they left their spouse.

25+ years later, that’s all changed.

Someone with NO record of domestic violence are now taking out their entire families for many complex reasons with NO warning signs and regardless of gender.

Or as ultimate revenge, letting the person they formerly loved but NOW hate, live, but killing the people that person loves the most, with NO warning signs.

Or there ARE warning signs but they are ignored, because no one wants to think of someone they love of being able to do such evil to them or another loved one of theirs.

We live in a society that NOW is showing CLEARLY, that a lot of people need help on how to constructively process hurt, rejection and rage, that doesn’t lead to innocent lives being lost.

And we need to start this when kids are young and continue to reinforce positive and constructive coping mechanisms when dealing with hurt, rejection and rage throughout our entire lives.

And we have to STOP sensationalizing these tragedies.

As they aren’t human interest stories or true crime, they ARE human tragedies.

I guess this my opinion on it.

One that I wish I could stop having to share over and over again.

I really wish though, if anyone has a better idea or a more qualified opinion, they would chime in with it, both on blog and like EVERYWHERE, because it’s really needed now, as these murder/suicides are tragically and senselessly, becoming a horrific daily event.

Note: I’m in NO WAY demonizing the service and sacrifices that our military makes for us, which I like anyone else, am eternally grateful for.

I’m only trying to constructively point out again, the need for more services needed for  both for military and civilians, to reduce the amount of horrific murder/suicides occurring on a daily basis.

Because again, it needs to be reiterated, that sometimes EVIL, can’t be prevented. But too many people who lived most of their lives trying to do good are ending others and their own lives in the worst ways possible and if there is any way to prevent this, we have to start somewhere and we have to start NOW.

So please, I encourage constructive dialogue, in hopes for preventing these tragedies.

Also note: I am though probably going to be taking a break from this topic for awhile, I’ve tried to do it justice, I just really can only hope that others way more qualified, finally chime in.

Important Update: At the time I both wrote and published this blog, the murder/suicide at UAB-Highlands Hospital had not started trending in any of the reputable news organizations I follow nationally and/or locally.

I can only reiterate what I said above and what I’ve said in the last week, month and last several years about  murder/suicide, not touch on 1/100th of them, if that.

I’m just hoping that these deaths do not continue to be in vain, that out of respect for victims and their families and friends, that comprehensive initiatives are created to try and combat this epidemic and horrific tragedies.

So this heartbroken disabled  activist is sending thoughts and prayers for victims, their families and friends,  as well as ideas for action and hopes others who possess the capacity to create concrete action, will do so.

Peace

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