Trigger Warnings/Disclaimers: I discuss in this blog with some profanity, rape in both genders, as well as victims come in all genders, colors and because I have a major personal reason to discuss it, all shapes and sizes.
PLEASE don’t read if any of the above is a trigger and please ask for clarification before making an assumption. Thanks!!!
And as always, if you or someone you know is in medical or mental health crisis, please seek immediate professional help.
Dear Asia (and the few million people who definitely share the same attitudes),
I’m honestly not picking on you!!!
My heart hurts for you in what has to really a fucking shitty AWFUL 18 months for you.
I’m a disabled medical and mental health activist in regards body shaming (of every size) and suicide, who doesn’t like social media and I value my privacy.
In 1996, TWO major things happened to me that I talk about, the first only recently, the second, a little more and both because of the paragraph above, NO ONE believes me.
In January of 1996, I was date raped. Well, more like I was supposed to go on a blind date, meeting at his very nice apartment building, with the plans that we would go out to lunch and in being naive when he, who seemed to be a nice and nice looking U.S. Army official wanted to show me his new Natuzzi sectional, ended up quietly, violently and quite humiliatingly got raped, orally, vaginally and anally.
Of course not on the expensive sectional which he wouldn’t want to mess up, but on his living room floor.
What he said was if I gave him what he wanted, he wouldn’t hurt me.
That was only partially true, because he violated me, where NO ONE could see it.
I was a 26 year old fat, single not considered attractive full time employed loving single mom of 1, I just wanted to get get out of it in one piece, so I could get back to get my 3 1/2 year old son and continue on with my life.
In June of 1996, I had a business trip that I had to go to London. On my flight from O’Hare to Heathrow, I fucking shit you and everyone else NOT, Princess Diana was on my British Airways flight!!!
My one and only business trip, I pretty much told anyone and everyone about.
I told less than a handful of people about my rape until a few years ago when I became and activist of sorts and a blogger.
About 5 years after my rape, being sick of being verbally bullied my entire life, I decided to have bariatric surgery (and that’s a WHOLE other entire story that I’m not going to get into now) and while some great things did originally and initally happen, it didn’t have anything resembling a happy ending .
Other than to say and it’s kind of important, that I got skinny shamed instead of fat shamed for a couple years and I hated (and still hate fat and thin shaming) both equally.
And because of the mindfuck of that and having serious complications from that surgery, exactly (well as of 9 days ago ) I gave up custody of my kids to my parents (by then I was a single mom of 2) and tried to commit suicide, 10 years ago.
And while I had no previous extensive psych history prior to my attempt and my first psych hospitalization 2 1/2 weeks prior to my one and only attempt and nearly got institutionalized for it.
When I decided that what I went through and my children went through, shouldn’t be in vain (as I was a neglectful mother the last 2 years I had my children), I launched this non monetized blog of mine, exactly 5 years from the anniversary of my suicide attempt.
So unfortunately, I know all to well from victim shaming, from parental suicide, suicide and mental health shaming and body shaming.
This is what I’m hoping to appeal to you for and I don’t know any other way to do it, even though I cherish and need my privacy.
Words and actions, lack of actions, MATTER.
Unfortunately, while what I think what Harvey Weinstein did is despicable, everytime people allude to the fact that he was/is a big, fat and ugly monster, they perpetuate horribly wrongly, that only unattractive people are perps and that they could NEVER be victims.
And that can kind of horribly feed into the horribly damaging myth, that rape is a crime of passion, because it’s NOT, it’s a horrific crime of where its intent is to do horrific humiliating horrible physical and emotional damage to another human being.
While both are extremely painful for me and others like me, who don’t have a voice, hence why I blog, it’s a million times easier for me to talk about my suicide attempt and nearly getting committed, than it is for me to talk about my rape.
I know that hurt people hurt people, so I’m trying to say this to you or anyone it could apply in the least judgemental way, as possible.
Because, for #MeToo for it fufill it’s mission, it HAS to be inclusive of all human beings who are victims/survivors.
Otherwise, it’s at risk of people who don’t have a voice, still at risk, due to not getting support, let alone, not being believed.
If you don’t believe me, use a search engine and try a find a meme using the words: fat women rape.
Or that it’s made to be a horribly unfunny joke and/or unfunny stereotype when a man not of the age of consent, is raped by an older powerful attractive female.
It’s horrific of what’s out there and the after effects of rape trauma can have the effect of victims ending up with eating disorders on opposite sides of the spectrum but not as far apart, as people think when it comes to Anorexia to Super Morbid Obesity, as well as being at risk for addiction issues and sometimes heartbreakingly it leads to suicidality.
For a multitude of reasons.
There has to be a better way to talk about predators, without potentially shaming people who are victims/survivors where the only thing they share is a body type or an attractiveness classification, that’s what I’m trying to get across.
And while you have made great strides with #MeToo, if victims end up perpetuating the same crime or a different one, their voices and stories (the victims, if they are able to speak about it) need to be told as well.
Otherwise we don’t have a prayer of ending the vicious rampant cycles of rape, violent physical assault and sometimes homicide, sometimes suicide, sometimes murder/suicide regardless of genders, socio-economics, age, race, religion, sexual preference, sexual identification and species (as a dog was raped in Los Angeles several days ago).
I could go on and on, but I’m sure no one really wants me to and I certainly don’t.
Thanks for your (and anyone’s elses) time and patience in reading this.
Note: As always, but especially due to the sensitivity in nature of topics discussed, any comments that could be triggering to any of my readers, will NOT be published.