It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Archive for the ‘Body Diversity’ Category

The Project Harpoon peeps can go FUCK themselves…..

Most of my social media buds (as well as offline/ “in real life” peeps) know I don’t go online Fridays. They also know that I’m not easily shocked, given my circumstances.

I don’t know why, when I came back online Saturday morning of the 22nd of August, that I was horrified to hear about a community of haters who photoshop large people into being thinner, under the guise of trying to shame people into “better health”.

I actually did write a blog about the opposite happening, a little over 6 months ago, when an artist who has a BBW fetish, photoshopped thin celebrities into being fat, which while I didn’t love that, it isn’t nearly as hurtful as these pieces of shit, who hate under the guise of health.

If I have to say this a MILLION times, I will. Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance isn’t a conspiracy to make thin people fat. It’s a movement that anyone of any size should get behind for multiple reasons. Such as it’s not right to hate any classification for any reason (as I find thin bullying/bashing just as repugnant as fat bashing), but that fat bashing is still so socially acceptable, if not embraced. Fat phobia and fat bigotry also harms thin people, as we’ve demonized fat, so much in our society, that people die of Anorexia, because they think that being fat is the worst thing to happen to a person, so they’d rather risk dying by not eating, then risk being fat (note: Anorexia Nervosa is a complex psychological disorder that goes beyond the little of what I’m defining it as, the same could be said for Obesity, which I personally, don’t think being fat in itself, is being in a diseased state, unlike most of my fellow weight loss surgery peers and most of society. I’d believe it is a complex medical and mental health disease as it applies to those who elect to have bariatric surgery ).

Let’s get something straight, right off the bat. Any community that calls themselves “Project Harpoon” and resorts to using  hate and shame tactics to shaming fat people, doesn’t like the majority of human beings on the earth, and have to be the most fucked up, pathetic pieces of shit, that could possibly walk the earth.

People who do care about weight being a possible health issue, but care about people, would NEVER resort to hateful tactics like these pieces of shit are doing.

I’m not linking any of their hateful bullshit. Not going to risk that someone is going to profit from hatred of people from clicking on their links . I can only hope that people keep reporting their hateful antics and their sites , as hate speech.

Lastly…. And again, I’m repeating myself. You cannot gauge health based upon size or weight. You also can’t tell what people have tried to do to lose weight. Whether it be in my case where I had a bariatric surgery that FAILED me (but still defend bariatric surgery as an intervention for weight loss and understand the multiple reasons why people elect to have bariatric surgery) or the fact that I know people who’ve had weight loss surgery, lose hundreds of pounds but are still not considered thin by society, and they get judged harshly.

But NO ONE should have to feel that they have to lose weight to get respect and not be hated.

NEWS FLASH for fat phobic bigots. You don’t find a fat person attractive? That’s fine. But instead of bashing what you HATE, try apathy for that, as well as just concentrating on what you like. The world is a way too negative place, now a days to begin with. Also it might shock the fat phobic bigots that for some of us, especially women, while I’m heavy enough to be fat, I’m a “baby fat” (I’m about a size 12/14 on average) so I’m too fat for men who only like thin women . For true BBW admirers, I’m not fucking fat ENOUGH. And I’m not the only one who’s had to deal with bullshit stuff like that. Thank goodness there’s people of both genders who can appreciate people without being hateful to what they are NOT attracted to, regardless of how thin or fat, someone is.

Fucking UNBELIEVABLE!!! If  CANCER got as much attention as being fat does, there would fucking be a cure for it, by now.

Note: I am too fucking pissed to be able to write about this, WITHOUT using profanity. I’m hoping that when I’m not as outraged, I can post something that can be possibly shared, if people read this, think it has merit, but don’t feel comfortable sharing because of the profanity.

Same rules apply, people are allowed to respectfully disagree with me as it applies to weight. I will NOT publish any posts that are in support of Project Harpoon.

Advertisements

How to handle people when you’re the DUFF/Ugly Hurts part 2

60277284

I’ve also  FUCKING had enough of body and looks shaming in my offline life….

The acronym DUFF will mean 2 separate things on this blog….

It will either mean Designated Ugly Fat Friend

OR Disabled Ugly Fat Female………..

Both in using to describe how I feel in society, at times or by peers, justifiably so, as it’s not just my body dysmorphia that’s driving this, it’s what strangers and peers tell me about the appearance bullying that they’ve been subjected to.  What others say and as well as what kind of looks I get,  as well as others, when out in public. And because I’m not alone in being treated this way, I decided to make this a blog and do activism for, rather than just rant about it, privately.

I was a VERY busy girl on Saturday. However because of one of my health issues, which is literally being allergic to the sun AND humidity, the second I leave my house, whether I take an effort to get ready or just shower and throw clothes on, whether I’m outside for 5 minutes or 5 hours, on a hot sunny day, I look like I was left in an oven at 550 degrees, for about 6 hours.

It’s embarrassing, and I’d be lying, if I didn’t say that from April to November, unless I’ve stayed inside all day or only have gone out for a few minutes at a time, where I’ve been in air conditioning places, I will profusely sweat, due to allergy to sun and heat sensitivity.

There’s NOTHING I can do, to prevent this. It’s a medical health issue and it’s getting worse as I get older. It has NOTHING to do with my weight, as I didn’t have this problem with sun sensitivity or sweating too much, at my heaviest before or after my gastric bypass. And after for how many times I’ve nearly died for medical reasons, I refuse to hide myself.

Anyhow, I had a busy day on Saturday and ended up going out Saturday night. By the time I went to a bar to meet friends, I’d been up since 3:30 a.m. , early Saturday morning and I had walked 2 miles from my house to the bar, I had gotten 9 miles (which most of them, by then, had been in the sun and humidity)in walking, by the time I got there.

Now I know I looked terrible. It was further reinforced when a few picture taken of me with others, from Saturday night, was posted on social media, which did upset me, earlier this afternoon.

The pictures were not posted with malice, they weren’t even about me,while I made a comment that I didn’t love how I looked, I defended it.

What I didn’t do, though, is describe all the looks I got, when out and about , during the day and at night. Which is my norm, especially during the Summer. As I live in large busy city, and I never  fail to attract negative attention, both in looks and in comments made to me, when I get out. .

I’ve discussed this before in other blogs. What I haven’t discussed in great detail, is what and what not to do about it, in conjunction with putting a definition on it, such as DUFF in public and DUFF in one’s personal life.

This is the way I look at it. If taking potshots at people, whether it be online such as a picture like following featured below, makes one feel better about themselves, it’s not another person not being attractive to another, that’s the problem, it’s society thinking that it’s right to hate on people, based upon appearance and for people who are devoid of a soul that they get satisfaction in bullying others. And I’ve seen hundreds of pictures, if not more, like the one below, if not more, since being on social media.

Cottage

I could say as an activist, that people should be more disgusted about their bullying and/ hating on people for what they look like on the outside,  but in the era of Facebook and Instagram, that ain’t gonna fly. As we’ve all seen the memes that sometimes will talk about inner beauty, sometimes the same people who are prone to post a picture like the one above, who talk about the importance of being beautiful on the inside and not the outside.

Because they are FUCKING mentally defective, (which is not the same as mental illness, which I’m an activist for) morally bankrupt, hateful HYPOCRITES.

However……….. Facebook is called Facebook and NOT Soulbook, for a reason. And a lot of times that reasons aren’t in the best interest of people. Whether they are a supermodel or they aren’t considered being physically attractive.

As much as it sucks and sometimes hurts existing in a society that judges me  and others about appearance, it’s sometimes for some of us, a hundred times worse, when the DUFF definition, becomes personal.

Meaning you have people in your life, where they either get some satisfaction that they are more attractive then you are or that you have looks even a loved one or someone you care about, not only can’t love you for, but actually straight out or subtly hates on you for. Whether they are straight out or subtle in their perverse satisfaction of being considered (whether it’s perception and/or they are more conventionally attractive)  more attractive than you are.

This is my personal philosophy about this. And I’m NOT sorry to burst anyone’s pathetic bubble about this. I am NOT jealous of people who are more attractive than me, in my personal life, including some of the models (some of them who would NEVER do something so crappy and are just as beautiful on the inside as the outside) friends that are naturally beautiful, regardless of weight and those  I’m friends with that I have who had a better outcome post weight loss surgery than I did. I’m happy for the good things that happen to people I care about and sad for the bad things.
(Note: For those of you in my personal life who’ve done this to me, especially subtly, I know who you are and this is your notice that I don’t think highly of you and/or you have something so pathetic about yourself, that I haven’t cut you loose. YET…)

But this isn’t just about me. This is about people who are broken on the inside for being on the outside, not considered conventionally attractive. As I’ve said before even Caitlyn Jenner said about trans bullying, what others think or say about me, won’t break me. I’ve survived too much shit, in my 45 years, to let haters and bullies have a shot of breaking me, even if it does hurt my feelings at times.

This is for the people who are broken because of pervasive bullying based upon looks.Who don’t have a voice or don’t even think they are worth being defended, which they are worth it.

You don’t have to own, anyone’s negative opinion of you. Especially when it comes to circumstances, such as looks and weight, which is superficial (I’m NOT discussing or debating the “Obesity” argument with this blog,  it’s not necessary or appropriate to debate fat as a potential or current health issue, in this blog). and isn’t a reflection of your beauty, but others’s internal ugliness.

It is true and it took me a long time to understand that “Others opinion about me, is NONE of my business”. And if you can accept this, you will spare yourself decades of grief, that I’ve had to go through being bullied, to finally realize that I don’t have shame to bear from not being conventionally attractive. And neither does anyone.

Think about it. If a stranger is doing this to you, why do you care what someone who has no idea of what you are  about, and doesn’t care about hurting other people, that’s not people you give any rent in your head and heart, to. Even if it’s human nature to care, try a little harder NOT to care. In the scope of your life, these people are NOTHING and should be nothing to you.

While it’s harder to put up with appearance bashing whether it’s subtle or intentional, from people who may be close to us, especially if they show in other ways that they do care about us, as people are complex and multi-faceted, this is something that NO ONE has a right to hate and/or bully someone for. IF you can’t discharge the negativity of that aspect of those people, then you need to get them out of your lives. But don’t let someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart, in ways that matter the most, keep hurting you like this. It’s a shitty thing to do to someone, being done by shitty people.

I hope this helps others, as well as create a dialogue of why this happens in the first place. As this goes beyond trying to make money about people’s insecurities, when people are subjected to this by society and their friends and family. While it wasn’t totally altruistic in nature, it needed to be said not only from a personal point of view, but as an activist.

Because it can be life ruining if not life ending, to be subjected to hate and bullying about appearance, that goes beyond weight or race and the internet has made it even a more difficult playing field for people who are bullied for this reason.

And it needs to STOP. NOW….

Important note: Appearance bullying is NOT gender specific. Unfortunately both genders are equal opportunity HATERS as well as targets for hate and bullying…….

Note: As always, I welcome other people’s life stories, as well as a difference in opinion, if shared respectfully. If NOT, your response will NOT be published…

The Invasion of the Body Shamers……

aiqErup

I’ve been online for a couple of hours, and I’m horribly disappointed, actually disappointed probably doesn’t cover it, let’s try FUCKING OUTRAGED, that people have nothing better to do then to body shame, whether it’s fat shaming OR thin shaming. It happens all the time, this is what’s “trended” in my newsfeed in the last 36 hours.

Because I happen to be a body diversity acceptance advocate, when a meme hits my newsfeed on social media that shames any body type, especially a certain meme that’s starting to go viral, I’ll download it, because I regularly blog and do body diversity acceptance.

Sadly, the following meme below has been shared at least 3 separate times, this morning by my Facebook buds. Even more pathetically, it’s been by WLS peeps, that I usually adore. As well as I’ve had to see when their friends shared it and the nasty comments that followed, in agreement with the sentiment of the meme.
994096_10151759892987038_719186336_n

What’s even more disheartening see shit like the above be shared by a weight loss peer of mine, is the fact that what I refer to the “formerly fat” who’ve had weight loss surgery, know how shitty it is to be a target of fat hate. The 3 of you who shared this, are also activists of sorts for causes or discrimination outside of weight.

Furthermore, why someone’s weight leads them to a mobilized scooter is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS and certainly not for you to judge, but especially, especially, ESPECIALLY, if one has to resort to having their digestive system surgically altered to lose weight.

Let me enlighten some of my weight loss surgery peeps who think it’s ok to post memes like the one above (let alone anyone else)….

I know quite a few fat people who are in mobilized scooters for heartbreaking reasons. I know at least 3 people who want weight loss surgery and they can’t get it, because they need bilateral total knee replacements. They are in a vicious cycle where they can’t get their knees replaced until they lose weight and they can’t lose weight and/or get bariatric surgery because their mobility is impacted by having crappy knees to meet a bariatric surgeon’s weight loss requirement to qualify for weight loss surgery.

Then there is at least 2 people I know who are in need of mobility scooters who are still fat after weight loss surgery but gained weight because they had older weight loss surgeries (like vertical banded gastroplasty that proceeded the laproscopic adjustable banding) their metabolisms, digestive systems and bodies are shot, even though they can’t eat much and either don’t want to have another bariatric surgery and/or they can’t because again, their mobility is impacted by damage done to their bodies already by bariatric surgery.

Note: This is not an anti-wls blog, no need to defend wls, just stay on topic, which is body shaming.

Then I know another 4 or 5  people who are in mobility scooters who had weight loss surgery lost quite a bit of weight, however they were at a higher weight when they started, so even though they lost a  hundred to a few hundred pounds, they are still are clinically morbidly obese. Some of them have medical health issues, such as crappy thyroid or MS, to name a few. Some of them can’t ever get to their goal weight due to mental health issues due to being  psychotropic meds that wreck havoc with metabolism as well as create the food obsession from HELL (reason for my EPIC regain prior to my reversal, even though I had so many gastric bypass complications).

Those are just a few examples of why people are fat and need a mobility scooter and why fat shaming pics, really piss me off, from ANYONE. But especially for those of you who had weight loss surgery and know how harshly we get judged for having that.

The thin bashing pics that I’ve seen in the last 36 hours ain’t any better. I get the need for size acceptance and fat acceptance, that’s why I do activism for that. It’s not necessary though to post memes like I’ve seen, featured below…

11407051_772343249546762_1055303294384458887_n

11257065_771377799643307_5258815646417328340_n

Great, so not only are there is  thin shaming pics, let’s throw in slut shaming, too. And I’m not even going to touch slut shaming in this blog, I am going to say though, people can make a point about a need for fat acceptance without body shaming, anyone. I’ve met women who were naturally extremely thin or extremely thin due to how pervasive fat shaming and oppression is. Women who were suicidal because they were bullied for being too thin, all their lives, just like people who’ve been suicidal, due to fat hatred….

Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to do this activism, regarding body shaming. I feel like I’m fighting a battle that will NEVER have significant and measurable progress. And while I can say I’ve been trying to lose some weight, and I have lost some, that I get hit  hard when it comes to fat and thin shaming, as I’ve been both in the past. And presently. And for some fat acceptance advocates, because I do activism that’s weight loss positive (i.e. choice to lose weight, including defending a surgical intervention), and because I talk about my own personal weight loss on rare occasion, I get called out for being a shitty fat acceptance advocate.

At the same time, others in the weight loss surgery community, use me as an example of what not to look like or weigh post weight loss surgery. I probably would be hit harder by all of this crap, personally, but after I’ve been through, if all anyone can deduct is that I’m a shitty weight loss surgery peer or a shitty fat acceptance activist, they are TOTALLY missing the point.

I’m a great activist and support system to all people who don’t have a voice who have to be bombarded by bullshit body shaming on what’s already going an alarming rate, and it’s only getting WORSE.

I’m not good at many things, but I’m fucking ROCKING when it comes to instilling empathy and understanding in others. Unless, of course one is a hateful bigot that there’s no hope for….

Here’s a fairly recent full body picture of me, that was taken exactly a month ago on 5-14-2015…..

11102633_1099395973411134_6842728581812969445_n

So yeah, I don’t have the type of body that’s fat and full of curves. I carry both weight and a lot of extra skin, as well as a ventral hernia behind my reversal scar (hence why I’m trying to lose a little weight, as it’s uncomfortable, my weight though at my heaviest and thinnest has NEVER been a health issue) primarily in my midsection. But I’m also, though, no longer thin. So while I relate to, what I’ve called being an “inbetweenie”, as I’m 10 sizes smaller on average, then my heaviest and I’m about 10 sizes bigger than my smallest, most people don’t understand my personal tie to my activism.

My weight though, is no longer,( unless I’m at Bebe or Guess?) the most noticeable thing about me. I take up one seat on the bus, I fit in a booth comfortably and walk a lot, even though I’m quite disabled from everything I’ve done to be thin and stay there.

People have to stop judging and shaming things they will NEVER understand. The above memes posted in this blog, show that everyone, even the most nicest people, can have an ugly side, that’s hopefully open to positive change so they aren’t continually both harming and hurting a class of people’s feelings, as it applies to our body size, young and old, male and female.

So the next time you post a body shaming meme, think about if it could hurt someone you love. let anyone else you care about. While Melissa McCarthy was quoted in an interview, recently, about a movie review who body and appearance shamed her in the past, of my saying to the man, “what if your daughters had to read this, how would you feel?”

I’ve been saying the same thing. For YEARS, now. And I have a personal stake in this, because all the body and looks shaming, everything I’ve done to be thin, is largely to blame, of why I’m not actively raising my OWN daughter.

So yeah, I guess I’m in this type of activism, as far as body diversity acceptance for the long haul. I’ll be damned that everything I’ve been through, was for nothing. I’ll do what it takes to remove body hate, in hopes that improves quality of lives, if not save a life.

And to do at least SOMETHING, to make this world a better place for my own daughter to live in. As well as EVERYONE’S sons and daughters to live in.

Note: Same rules apply, as usual. You are more than welcome to respectfully disagree with me. ANY comments that could be potentially triggering to a reader, will NOT be posted. I’m asking in advance, let’s not play the “health” card in either direction. Because admit it, none of the shaming memes posted above, has ANYTHING to do with health.

WLS Support 101- When you’re doing it WRONG…..

Muppets-Meme

I’m sure the fact that I blog about weight loss surgery (wls) matters, angers people. In fact I know that it does, because I’ve gotten quite a bit of vitriol for still remaining online and on social media, in the weight loss surgery community. Both with people who do it anonymously and those who’ve attached their identity with their hate.

I’m kind of proof positive, that someone can have not necessarily an optimistic view point, as it applies to my own gastric bypass complications but NOT  subject that on everyone on the weight loss surgery community. Most of my weight loss surgery peers, especially if they get me, even if they DO NOT, find I’m supportive of their their weight loss journies. Whether they elected to have bariatric surgery or not. Whether they had ideal or catastrophic circumstances, afterwards.

I probably was the most anti-wls peep on the planet, 3 months before my gastric bypass reversal that occurred in 9/2010. And for about 3 months afterwards. Then I realized a couple of things, that still stay relevant to this day, especially given the fact I support people’s choice to have a surgical weight loss intervention to lose weight, in addition to supporting people’s right in what I do with Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance (where this will have relevance as it applies to the weight loss community whether or not people have a surgical intervention, will make more sense,as I go along, in blog, if people don’t already understand this about me, to begin with, as people think it’s a conflict of interest and it really isn’t. For multiple reasons) which means I support people’s right not to have to lose weight and not get judged. For ANY reason. Just like I also abhor thin shaming. Also for ANY reason.

The people I tend to anger in the weight loss surgery community, number for many reasons. For some, they are upset I talk about weight loss surgery matters, because apparently I didn’t have an optimal outcome. I came out of my gastric bypass, with my life. And barely with that. I had an epic regain PRIOR to my reversal. My gastric bypass reversal is confusing to many, because I was on the heavier side, even though I had lost quite a bit of regain, by the time I was reversed. But my reversal was NEVER about being non compliant or my weight, which I was not the most non compliant bariatric surgical peep and had nothing to do with my weight, thin or fat. It had everything to do with that I acutely was going to die from multiple gi bleeds, multiple times (this is before my lil hands ever got a hold of an NSAIDS which I sparingly took at this time) in 2010, to secondary reasons of my inability to absorb essential nutrients and vitamins for many years, it progressively getting worse, as I further got post op. And the secondary complications that are caused by severe long term nutritional deficiencies by someone who’s actually taking their vitamins.

Here’s what I learned during the 6 months I was VERY anti-wls. I NEVER successfully talked anyone out of having weight loss surgery. Like EVER. That what I say about weight loss surgery will vary on who’s asking and WHY they are asking. And where they are asking it. If someone is primarily in the weight loss surgery community, but hasn’t had surgery yet, I’ll tell them both the positive and the risks of ANY bariatric surgery. And if I don’t know best about a surgery, I’ll refer them to my fellow wls peers who believe in saying both the positives and potential negatives about any wls.

I however will talk  primarily, about the risks, primarily, if someone is in the  Size Acceptance/Fat Acceptance community. Not saying all SA/FA members are anti wls or anti weight loss. Most of them, ARE however, anti weight loss. Usually for ANY reason (which is understandable, to a certain extent, given how much weight loss is shoved down people’s throats). I figure by nature, if someone is in the SA/FA community, or of having a lot of their social support coming from anti-wls peeps, they aren’t looking in the first place to be talked IN to having weight loss surgery. They are looking to be talked OUT of weight loss surgery and probably are NOT ideal candidates for weight loss surgery. And the few who’ve had weight loss surgery, even after talking with me, ended up regretting it. That’s why I operate the way that I do, about this.

There’s many reasons and the reason why it needs to be said on a weight loss surgery specific blog, of why Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance should matter more to my wls peers even though I understand why they fear it, is because even if I could keep my answers that’s strictly relevant to the wls or weight loss community, it fails everyone. But so this doesn’t end up being a 10k word blog, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

The fat/fitness/food shaming has no business in wls support. IMNSHO. It’s one thing if a certain weight loss surgery post op, is asked for advice, while some peers may be blunt, it’s not with the intention to shame, that’s just their communication style. It’s another when people shame and scare people about regain issues. Or judge people who’ve had regain or never got to goal.

I can’t stand when this is done. Especially IN the weight loss surgery community. People sometimes have extenuating circumstances of regain or never getting to goal. Or they lost a significant amount of weight, but they started at such a higher weight, that while they were able to lose a significant amount of weight, they aren’t thin. Or they can’t become thin because of circumstances, another has NO idea of what someone is up against. Such as medical health issues, mental health issues (i.e. certain psych meds, and I’ll be writing another blog specific to that, soon) or other health issues, that people out of ignorance or ego, choose not to understand.

Some people WILL be successful in their weight loss endeavors, even if they don’t follow the normal rules of weight loss. Whether they are bariatric surgical peeps or not. Some people whether they want to lose weight or not, have barriers from them being ever to have a prayer of getting to their goals.

Don’t EVER judge something you can’t understand. For one, this happens all the time, especially by weight loss surgery peers to another weight loss surgery peer. You wouldn’t believe how ridiculous, as well as MEAN, some newbie post ops are to another post op. Truthfully, as kind and empathetic as I try to be to most people. I truthfully laugh at newbie post ops (and in my case, being over 13 years post gastric bypass) a newbie to me is any wls peep under 6 years post op of just how egocentric and all knowing they can come off. In the wls community it’s anyone usually under 3 years.

I’m not sorry for saying that NO ONE is ever an expert on someone else’s life journey. Weight related or not. AND we know how crappy we get treated by non wls peeps for having wls. For those who treat another person crappy when struggling especially if they are are only a few years post op, look absolutely ridiculous. To both non wls people AND wls grads who find their self righteousness both kind of frightening and entertaining (not talking in absolutes, you can’t, that’s one of the points of this blog). For most of us who do try to help others with wls matters, in a positive manner, also know, and this only comes with time, that even the most positive wls journies, people have their struggles and it’s cyclical. Same in my case where it’s been mostly negative, but I can find some positive things about my wls experiences.

I WILL defend though, for people to talk about whatever they want, however they want to, in their own social media spaces. I’m talking more about those who are mean spirited, if not vile, in what should be other wls peers’s safe spaces on social media.

There’s a reason most people, even in my case, where I was reversed at almost 9 years post op, even if I WASN’T reversed, that grads continue to disappear from the wls communities, online. Most of the time it because of complications and/or regain, which a lot of people are so harshly judged by other wls peers, people end up with a lack of support. And people find me for that reason. And that’s one of many reasons why I live such an open and public life. For multiple reasons, this being though, at the top of the list, as it applies to the wls community.

What’s more repugnant to me, is those who shame others to promote a bariatric based business. Whether it’s a bariatric  blog, product or service. ESPECIALLY by those who’ve had regain and maybe lost it or they never had regain issues but they lack empathy and they are further out. They should know better but they don’t. They feed on drama and hating on others.

There is NO need for anyone to be that way in the wls community, even though a few people will find those sort of people, inspiring. They really aren’t. Usually they are the type that they never help people, unless they are getting paid for it or unless they are getting a lot of attention.

The people I choose to support in the weight loss surgery community are people who are honest about their weight loss surgery and choose to support their other peers, positively. It doesn’t mean they sugarcoat things. They just concentrate on positive support that helps, even if they are blunt about it. They talk and act of what has worked for them, they don’t have to point fingers at others who are struggling. They may have bariatric based businesses but they also pay it forward, somehow, for free.

I posted a picture in a few of the Facebook wls communities, a couple of weeks ago… What I was told both in groups and privately is very telling. While I said in another blog that I technically wouldn’t post another “before and after picture”. I did so privately. And what I was told was both amazing and also frightening. Depending on the source.

Here’s the picture….
10984631_1061797300504335_5298854407535026515_n

(very left pic taken 9/2001, 3 months before rny gastric bypass on 12/2001, pic 2nd to the left, July of 2005. While I kept off my weight for 6 years, the last 3 1/2 years being the thinnest and fittest I’ve ever been. Pic 2nd to the right, pic taken 10/2009, after almost 2 years on the psychotropic cocktail from HELL, pic on the very right taken 3/2015. I’m a size 14/16 on average. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. Hence the comment above, “inbetweenie” )

Here’s some of the positive comments I got….
“Wow you look GREAT, Lisa”
” Look great, hope you had fun”
“Look great, hope you are feeling better, cute outfit”….

Here’s some of the baffling, stupid and mean comments that I got on pic from fellow wls peeps ….
“Well you’re not technically an “inbetweenie”. Because that would require you keeping at least 1/2 your excess weight off or being 1/2 your size”
“WOW!!! You bounce a lot, weight wise!!!!”
“WOW!!! That shirt has to be plus sized or you still have to. As you’re HUGE” (and the person who said this was an insensitive idiot, ok, that I digress. But I kid you NOT, they were STUPID enough to say that, as I mentioned I stretched the xl shirt out, when buying it before I lost a lot of my regain, in early 2010)

Seriously though. WTF??? All the comments that were negative, well were negative. Some people do find me scary or my circumstances that I get. Getting technical of why they find me scary,isn’t necessary. I’m not looking to be an inspiration for weight loss. I am however looking to be considered at least a little inspirational for someone who had major life changes that were nothing less than HORRIBLE and who had to start all over again, from having nothing to trying to make the best out of what life has thrown me. And for those who get that about me, great.

The point I’m trying to get across is that what you will need in support will vary, as far as a weight loss endeavor. I do personally think that if one is a source or needs a source that shames in any way, you may have a weight loss/ wls success as far as measurable weight loss, however you’ll be miserable or one will make OTHERS miserable, by being negative, to others, about it. Also realize that people have the right to own their own weight loss experiences. If someone had a great outcome for example from weight loss surgery, they have a right to be happy and share that happiness with others who are like minded. At the same time, if someone had a crappy experience after weight loss surgery, they have a right to share that, too.

I try to have empathy or apathy for almost everyone. As it’s unrealistic that we’ll in ANY online community, will get along. But I’m pretty vocal against the haters and shamers. And while people will be sometimes vicious in their criticism in me, it won’t break me. If I could physically and mentally survive what I’ve had to, those who only get attention by shaming and hating on me, usually do so, also to others, don’t have a prayer of saying anything that will change how I live my life. I will though say something though, in defense for those who they actually do HARM, to, as not everyone has a voice.

Hopefully this helps those who need it, if they are struggling with any weight loss surgery issue of how to find the best support for them. Feel free to either ask for my opinions on the best weight loss surgery peeps to follow or if you need support of some kind due to complications and/or regain. You can either post questions (as I try to keep my blog a safe place for those who are struggling with almost anything but at the same time, I’m wls positive as far as those who had optimal outcomes) or you can find me privately.

Hopefully this starts a dialogue within the weight loss/weight loss surgery community. I am not against posting comments that are different to what I believe, as long as they are shared respectfully.

Just remember your weight loss or your weight loss surgery “journies” are UNIQUELY your own. No one has the right to judge or put parameters on what’s considered a success or a failure. My own opinion is that no one is ever a failure for trying. But I also have to say, for some, you have to respect that any weight loss endeavor is NOT going to positively mentally or physically impact their lives. Just the opposite. That’s why I do the kind of activism I do. Because I think any body bullying and those who body bully, SUCK.

Note: To my haters. It would be self destructive to keep writing wls blogs if people didn’t read em. And not a constructive use of all the time, some of you viciously point out, that I have. So keep that in mind before you send me ANY hate, privately or on social media. OK???

Is this encouraging or is this insulting???


10940475_865755150130126_9014604855265298208_n

I’ll give you my NOT so humble opinion. Then I’d like to hear your opinion.

I understand that “memes” like this picture above, are supposed to be “inspirational”….. As well as kind, supportive and empathetic.

I find them to be INFURIATING and let me explain, WHY. And this is making it in my blog, as I’ve seen it now posted several times in different pages and from different peeps on social media.

For one, people are assuming any person in a larger body is new or struggling with exercise. And needs some random stranger giving them words of advice or encouragement.

I’ve had this happen to me. On more than one occasion. I remember right after my gastric bypass reversal when walking briskly  around the hospital campus (I can’t stay in bed, when inpatient in a hospital, my other blogs explains prejudice that I’ve experienced by a lot of physicians,  probably give insight why, being in a acute care facility, causes me great anxiety). I had a lady who had to jog to catch up to me, to tell me I should be proud of doing something about my weight. I just gave her a dirty look, given the fact I had a NG tube coming out of my nose, 3 IVs and an IV pole with me.

I had that happen a couple of months later when walking briskly around Mall of America. I had another thin lady say the same thing, after having to jog to catch up with me. I just told her that I was trying to increase my appetite for a donut eating competition (not something easily done, even if one’s gastric bypass has been reversed and I was lying for shock value) and briskly walked away.

I’ve also talked about in the last year, in past blogs, about  bullying I’ve had to put up when exercising. While I’m not capable of  exercise at an athletic level, like I used to be, I walk briskly and as intensely as I’m able to, though. Even sprinting at times. On occasion, while smoking a cigarette. I’m not proud of my smoking habit, when I say I’m on average of a 2-3 pack day habit, in the last 2 years, since I’ve moved to Downtown Minneapolis. I will say in defense for all the fat hate, I’ve been subjected, lifelong, that I picked up smoking at the age of 15, in hopes to lose weight.

I’m also NOT saying that my weight loss peeps can’t be proud of finding fitness as a result of their weight loss. Or they can be happy to have found fitness as a means of losing weight. There’s apps and social media to get and give encouragement, though.

Absolutely, NO need for anyone, to bother a complete stranger in the middle of their workout.

SO what I am saying though is my health and quite a few others, who don’t want to discuss it, especially ad nauseum, have that right. ESPECIALLY,  if I’m ACTUALLY in the middle of working out.

As well my health or fitness level, well, it’s NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, nor is it something for you to judge. Nor can you tell that about anyone. Unless they are showing signs of serious physical distress. And that can happen during exercise whether someone is thin or fat.

Unless, I fall down while walking or fall off a balance ball and smack my head, please leave me the FUCK alone, when I’m working out, and I’m sure there’s many who agree with me. Regardless of their weight. I’m also not going to engage in any type of “health” debates, here. Let’s just keep this at the topic on hand, which is the meme posted above, in this blog.

The point of this blog is whether or not, total strangers should be coming up to people who are larger than they think they should be and give words of advice or encouragement, regarding exercise or a person’s misguided perception that intentional exercise is being done for the sole purpose of losing weight?

The reason why I’m telling you this, is when people do this to me, they are RUDELY interrupting my workout. In an ideal world, my larger working out self in public, wants to be LEFT ALONE. Given the fact that I went to a great school to be a Certified Personal Trainer in 2005, while I could NEVER work in that capacity,now, I know what I’m doing, whether I’m using equipment or trying to get a cardio benefit when sprinting while smoking (which I wouldn’t advise, if I was working in a professional capacity, but I haven’t keeled over yet, I barely get winded, it’s just hard for me to exercise, only because of my severe chronic pain issues). But I still do it, regularly, when I can.

IF you wouldn’t give someone who’s thin who’s working out, advice or encouragement, why would you do this to someone who’s larger, who’s not asking for advice?

Just saying in this case, again, APATHY and minding your own business, can work wonders. And if you workout at anything resembling an intense level, where you know what “THR” and “RPE” means, and you use that to gauge the effectiveness of your workout, if you wouldn’t want to be disturbed during a workout, why is it ok to do this, to someone else?

It’s NOT ok, in my not so humble opinion, to do this, to anyone during their workout. Now I want to hear your opinions……

Again, same rules apply. You are more than welcome to respectfully disagree with me. Just know that any comment that could potentially trigger a fellow reader will be not be approved.

Note from a former Certified Personal Trainer: This blog is not encouraging or discouraging exercise. And it’s not meant to be taken as a blind endorsement of exercise. Please make sure, regardless of your weight, that you are cleared for exercise by a physician. The kind that treats people in person, not like one of those “Dr. Oz” types 😉

“Phucking Photoshop/pers”……

http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2015-02-18/artist-adds-pounds-to-female-celebs-mila-kunis/?xrs=MAIN_6pm

(no copyright infringment intended with video)

Okay….  So this “artist” dude (David Lopera) is going viral, as well as his “work”, as he has been using Photoshop to make thin female celebrities, fat. People aren’t apathetic to this. Some people love it, some people hate it, including myself. It doesn’t help the body diversity work that I try to do. It’s a form of thin shaming using heterosexual male fat fetishism and it doesn’t help anyone.

How is this news, though? Not that it matters, because now every news source, is jumping on this story. If you go to what is at the crux of what is most concerning to Size Acceptance advocates, such as myself, it’s accepting the diversity in body types. It’s definitely not shaming people into being thinner or fatter than what they are meant to be. And it’s certainly NOT altering people’s pictures, accordingly to what their particular demand is.

That’s demeaning to all of us. Especially women. Because I don’t see this happening to men. But it also hurts men, because at their request, women can be digitally altered to suit their fancy. And they have certain physical traits that they are conditioned to find attractive, just based upon exterior, alone. Not all men are like this, but enough are. In all fairness, women have physical traits, that they are inherently attracted, to, as well.

I think most female celebrities featured, aren’t going to lose much sleep, over this. Even though if they’d be angry and it would be justified, that someone is doing this and that almost everyone on the internet, finds it interesting (especially if you throw in a pic of a Kardashian). But why is it interesting, the pics themselves? If anything has relevance, to those of us in Size Acceptance, it’s people’s reactions. In my case, if they are positive. Because this is definitely NOT an example of what Size Acceptance and/or Fat Acceptance is supposed to look like.

He ain’t far off the mark, when it comes to things. I know in the past, when dating, for a lot of men, at my current size, I was too fat. However for men who truly adore plus size women, I FUCKING ain’t fat enough. And truthfully in the past, I’ve found that to be a colossal mindfuck.

I’ve written in other blogs, of exactly how harmful I think it is, that we as a society have NEVER been more obsessed about body size. And how that’s adversely effects, everyone.

All I’m trying to say is that, we’d better off paying attention of what people are like on the inside. Versus our obsession and distortion of what they are on the outside and/or on a digital image that’s altered…..

Ummm….IF you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face…………

profilepic

Although it’s apparently absolutely OK to say it ABOUT someone’s face. Or body. Or unusual circumstances. In this instance, via direct message on Facebook. Especially if you are me and you make the mistake of updating a profile pic, like I did last night. It happened to be that, I had just gotten my haircut and a blow out, a few days ago, and last night I was supposed to go out, so I snapped a quick selfie, that I originally NEVER intended to post online. Just was curious, truthfully, because I have a slight tremor, of how I photographed, after doing my makeup, which I very rarely wear makeup. But I didn’t feel well and so I ended up not going out last night. Which I had said when posting pic and then I made that pic my Facebook profile pic.

While I have amazing amount of supportive and kind Facebook friends, I also of course, have Facebook buds, where I know based upon their actions and what they say or lack of them, that I’m their “DUFF”. I didn’t even know what DUFF meant (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) until a couple of weeks ago. But I know in my case, that I’m the DUFF (Disabled Ugly Fat Friend) to some, and it came out in 3 separate messages by 3 different people, since I posted that picture, in the last 24 hours.

Here’s the pic I posted last night on Facebook….

me2

“Wow… You look SO much better….”  Better than Godzilla, of how I usually look???

“OMG, Your hairstylist is an absolute MIRACLE worker, kudos on your DECENT profile pic….” Um… Okay….

“Wow, I wish I had the time to get my hair done all fancy like that. Are you gonna change your profile pic back, to what you normally look like?” Yeah… I’ll get right on that. I’m SURPRISED you even noticed as you usually are on vacation every other week….

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK??? But the difference in this case, as I actually got unfriended and blocked, after these 3 people chose to say what they did to me, privately. Maybe I should embrace that the haters are now attaching their identities with their vitriol. I just found it odd, that not only did I get unfriended and blocked, that all 3 did not have a common an interest or social media tie, with anyone other than myself.

I get that I don’t have enviable looks or an enviable life. I’ve also been bullied my whole entire life and have suffered from horrible “justified” body dysmorphia. But let’s get something straightened out, right off the bat, as it applies to ME. Although I probably will regret admitting this.

DO NOT make the mistake of exchanging the words “cognitively disabled” with “STUPID”. I’m definitely NOT stupid. While MENSA is not beating down my door, I’m still fairly smart. However I used to be absolutely fucking BRILLIANT. And my loss of certain abilities, is nothing short of bizarre. While I have a tendency to try to concentrate on the positives that the internet and social media, brings to my life. But I’m not completely immune to the hate. As exhibited in my last 2 blogs. I just don’t let it ruin my life. I’ve had ENOUGH life ruining circumstances, but still try to concentrate on the good. And learn from the bad.

If what’s sucky about my life, makes your life seem great, well, it’s not myself or my unusual circumstances that are the problem. It’s someone’s need to benefit somehow from other people’s painful issues, and while I’m not a lot of great things, I’m not that devoid of a soul, to take comfort in other’s misery. Team Lisa 10 vs. Team Cowardly Hater 0.

It’s pathetic that for someone who doesn’t have a huge social media base, is not influential on social media, that the little things I do, compared to the big things, that I’ve experienced that are in this blog, ruffles so many people’s feathers.

About 8 months ago, I had gone on a long walk, and it was a big deal, given my disability sets. I also have strange health issues, such as being literally allergic to the sun, given my long term nutritional deficiencies. The clinical name for it, is Photophobia. I also have severe chronic pain issues, in addition to my neurological issues. The fact that I had walked 6 miles on this particular day, was a BIG deal. I also looked like I had been baked in an oven.

10407027_802785839810345_840232070375752500_n

The gems I got from this one, were also of the passive-aggressive variety……..

“Wow, I wish I could do that, but I have a JOB and have  to work…..” What’s that thing you speak of, work?

“Wow, you are BRAVE, posting a pic like that…” i.e brave=STUPID

“Are you sure it was a six mile walk???”… No.. It wasn’t. Ya busted me again for lying. It said 6 miles when I “mapquested” it. But you know how inaccurate MapQuest is. 6 miles is actually 6 blocks <dropping copious amounts of sarcasm>,  And the truth be told, I look like that, after 6 seconds on ANY sunny day, with my health issues.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…. OR in my case, a thousand of unnecessary, passive-aggressive and rude comments. If you wouldn’t make the same comment to a clergy member or your beloved grandmother, about a picture, feel free to cease and desist, from doing this, on social media, OK? In my case, it’s not gonna be the end of me. But in others, you may really HURT someone, who’s super vulnerable. People who do shit like this, aren’t the geniuses they think they are. It’s a lot easier, but a lot more cruel, to try and go in for the kill, then it is to concentrate on what’s good about the people you surround yourself with on social media, and off it.

Just know if you make me your target, you didn’t ruin me. And usually while I won’t fight back, again, this is another warning, you won’t like what I have to say, if I actually fight back.

p.s. This blog sponsored by 2 out of the 3 people who unfriended me, but forgot to unfollow me on WordPress. Ain’t the first time. And this ain’t my first rodeo, K?

Tag Cloud