It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…


I had come into some extra money in September and hemmed and hawed,what to do about it….

Most people in my circle, especially, don’t understand that my finances are month to month (and barely that, even thought they know I don’t have a lot of money),and  I was a lot better about saving money both working and not, when I had my children.

But that was before the social media era, or at least before I knew about it. Not knowing what Facebook was, until early 2010.

Up until exactly a week ago, I had never been as far west, from Minnesota, where I live, other than to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, but because of my disabilities, I hadn’t been on a plane or out of the state of Minnesota for ELEVEN years.

I had decided to go on a trip, either to Las Vegas, Los Angeles or San Francisco….

I be too poor to go to California. So a week from yesterday, I booked a trip to Las Vegas and left exactly a week ago.

Paying for myself, getting around Vegas, all by myself, as well as getting myself to and from the airport, by myself, departing on 9-29-2015 and returning early morning on 10-3-2015.

The reason why I chose Las Vegas, was fairly simple. It was a city I wanted to see and I could do so, on my limited budget. It was a place I could travel on a non stop flight and get a nice hotel room, in case my pain levels were too high, to bop around the Strip.

I’m actually allergic to the sun now, due to my long term deficiencies from my gastric bypass. I’m also terribly heat sensitive, so even with my explanation that I had wanted to still see the Vegas before I croak, most people were surprised, but supportive that I’d book an adventure in the DESERT in Nevada.

If you’ve never been to Las Vegas, Nevada, it’s AWESOME. I did fairly well, as while I’ve traveled in the past by myself to Florida and went on a business trip to London, 19 years ago (also took the Eurostar to Paris, when I was in Europe), I had even had adventures in Brooklyn (as well as flying by myself) when I was 14 and visiting family.

However… I’m 45 1/2 years old, with multiple complex medical, mental health and cognitive  disabilities, now . While some people were supportive, some people thought that Sin City, was the last place someone with unmedicated Bipolar 2 disorder, should be.

I actually booked the trip, looking for an adventure. I honestly didn’t believe with my current set of circumstances and where I was in my life, that I deserved an actual vacation.

l also booked my trip in haste, but not due to being impulsive. I left less than 24 hours after I booked my trip, but that was so I didn’t spend October’s money on my trip. As my son’s birthday is in October and my daughter has a few days off, this month, from school.  I had a little under over to spend while I was in Vegas. Not a lot of money, by any means,, to travel out of state for almost 4 days.

The gamble that I took, was relying on myself, to get myself and my stuff to and from Las Vegas, in one piece. I lost about $22 gambling. I spent about $60 in food and about$50 in cute jewelry, purses and knick knacks. And $37 to see a show at my hotel (my hotel, traveling with disabilities and traveling alone as a female, will be in my next blog).

I came back with $60 to my name. That’s actually unusual for me, at the end of any month, to have that much money…

What I learned on my trip, was PRICELESS and invaluable. I learned that I do deserve to treat myself well, not just as a distraction. I learned that some people, who claim to be a friend, aren’t so, but that didn’t shock me at my age. It  just shocks me , why they try to even bother convincing me, that they care, when they obviously don’t.

And I don’t wait around for anyone, for that reason anymore. I learned I could walk in high heat and sun all over the Las Vegas Strip, as I only took a bus from the McCarran to Fashion Show mall and walked EVERYWHERE I went, until I left from Excalibur to go back to McCarran, to go back home via an airport shuttle.

fitbit2 fitbit3 fitbit4

I had though,  multiple social media buds, who were super supportive of my not only going on an adventure but a nice trip. I had though real life peeps who couldn’t find one nice thing to say about my going on a trip by myself or how I looked. But I’m not a complete idiot. I know who is in my true circle and who isn’t.

But most importantly, I learned after 40 years of being told I’m not worth anything and believing it, that I’m worth being treated well by myself and by others.

So no, other than the gamble I took, going to Vegas with disabilities, I don’t live a crazy life.

Whether I’m home or out of state……….

I also don’t care much, about those who don’t have my best interest at heart. My life has taught me, I don’t have much more time to waste. It wasn’t out of ego, that I posted a bazillion pics of Las Vegas on Facebook.

It was out of knowing, that while I know I can take care of myself, it gets harder to do so, even with as little responsibilities that I have at this stage in my life. That my memory issues are getting worse. That I’m on my 17th life and I’m living it the best that I can. And I can still bet on myself…

This time I won big 🙂


Note: Above pic of me, taken on 10-1-2015, from my junior suite at Stratosphere Hotel and Casino. Picture above, taken from Level 108 Observation Deck at Stratosphere, on the same date.

Also Note: My math SUCKS… Could be a little off on exact dollar amounts, spent, but know I didn’t spend more than $850. As bad as my math sucks, I haven’t bounced a check, in the history of having a checking account 🙂


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