It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

Other than eating in public, working out in public comes in a close 2nd. What was I was I thinking??? And the horror, because I do BOTH on a regular basis………..

I purchased a Fitbit Zip on Sunday which I’ll probably go into more detail, in a little bit. First I have to warn all my friends and family that due to a lapse in judgment tonight, where I decided to go for a 2nd walk and add upper strength training by using 2 5lb hand weights. I used to workout like that, when I was at my thinnest and fittest, 10 years ago. But while I’m not fit, I’m not totally out of shape (from a fitness perspective), as I’ve tried to increase my movement this summer by walking more. And I workout for the sole purpose of exerting my body as hard as I’m capable of.

I’ve gotten accustomed to the stares that I get when walking fast in public. And I’ve picked up sprinting at times. I figure if people are going to be rude and stare at me walking fast or sprinting and smoking, I’ll give them something to stare at.

It happened to be that I probably would’ve not mentioned my working out tonight except that 2 different groups of people,  a couple of blocks away from each other, thought it would be funny to photograph me while walking briskly and doing upper strength training. One was a group of younger adults in front of a nightclub. The other was a driver (YES, someone behind the wheel) in a SMART car, to boot. Apparently it’s one thing to have consideration for the environment. But apparently it’s too much to ask, to give consideration to people who occupy too much space in the environment, who choose to move their bodies in public.

If somehow, I become a “meme” from this, so be it. It’s not the 1st time I’ve been bullied. And taking a picture and laughing IS bullying someone. I’ll be damned though that I’ve survived so many things, that I can’t go out in public and do what anyone else does, just because I don’t meet societies standards of anything.

It happened to be that when I purchased the Fitbit Zip at Target, last Sunday, I somehow felt I had to prove to myself that I was going to use it. I ended up walking for a couple of miles, drenched in sweat, because I’m literally allergic to the sun and it was a sunny day out. I stopped at one store and the teenage kid was mocking me, even though I had said I had walked for a couple of miles to get there. And I quickly exited the store, because I was embarrassed. Then I decided to challenge myself to walk to the nearest Victoria’s Secret, in Uptown (Minneapolis, I reside in Downtown Minneapolis) which was a couple of miles farther. I figured I’d reward myself with several of their Strawberry and Champagne scented lotions and sprays, but I had a feeling and I was right. I went into the store and because none of their lingerie or clothing would fit me, even though I was in their makeup and beauty products section, not ONE sales associate asked to help me, like they did the girls who came in after me, and all of them STARED at me.

I walked a few more miles after that and ended up on my walk home, passing by the group home that I lived the last year that I was in the system. And it reminded me of something that I did need reminding of. I had put off intense exercise for the longest time, because of my falling history. But I realized something, when I fell whether on the property or in the group home or when I was outside of it. I had no choice to get back up again. And I have been doing a really good job of not letting any fear, this year, dictate how I live my life. As I did have a setback medically and mentally, last year. And was more homebound due to that.

I don’t think I’m any better or any worse than anyone if they have my disabilities and they don’t choose to workout. I need to do that for me though, at this point because of the cognitive damage, I cannot ever drive a car again. I can’t go to school because of the problems I have with memory retention. Exercise is challenging me in both physical, mental and cognitive agility. I shouldn’t have to do that in hiding and you know what? I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO.

Whether it’s my weight, it’s my age, my physical, cognitive and mental health disabilities, I’ve survived way too much crap in my life to let others dictate how I conduct my life. And I’m not afraid to help dispel stigma and shatter stereotypes. I figured I survived the HELL that I did and I’ll make the most of what little my life is.

On MY terms and NO ONE ELSE’S…. So if that makes me a mockery in a “meme”, SO BE IT………..

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