It's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you…

The right of way to write?

   Or, do you have to write the right way to be able to um, write??? Or at least be taken, seriously???

   It took me 3 years to launch my blog for multiple reasons. First, I had to survive 2010 and um, like NOT die. Then I had to get mad enough to realize that while I don’t love my cognitive disabilities, that I can’t let my barriers be a barrier on what I want to achieve, even though I’ve discussed in past blogs that I never imagined, 10 years ago that the scope of my life would be this small and how much less capable I’d be, even with the awareness that I know it’s nothing short of a miracle that I’m still alive and that I have the little cognitive function I do. 

  I knew what I had to say and how I said it would equally not be well received to a lot of people. I knew my cognitive disabilities that make it impossible to think in a logical sequence of order, not be concise and my inability to write something and not violate every rule of the English language, would even a larger barrier then talking about aspects of my life that were both ugly, horrifying and humiliating but necessary to talk about. As I have said before, it’s a mixed blessing that most people with my medical and mental health disabilities, do not have the awareness they have them.

   There just  came a point where I just couldn’t contain my activism on Facebook. I knew what I shared in private groups whether they were mental health, severe chronic pain, weight loss surgery or size/fat acceptance based that while 99% of people couldn’t get some of my perspectives on things, that 1% who did, were so grateful I was willing to be a voice of things people didn’t want to talk about. That’s what made me decide to put what I had to say on WordPress, not waiting any longer for someone to help me trick out my site or help me write or edit what I had to say…

   I was not shocked for how much hate I’ve received on what I’ve had to say or how I say.it  I was more shocked on how supportive people were and how many people reached out to me to tell me their life stories and reach out for support. That they were grateful someone was willing to put themselves on the line and give a voice to talk about things that carry such stigmatization in our society, whether it’s mental health, size and weight matters, bullying and medical advocacy. While I’ve made it clear that I’m not a clinical professional, that nothing I should say should replace medical and psychological professional support, I do feel honored with a lot of things people have entrusted me with, sometimes sharing it for the first time, because of they felt shame of the secrets they’ve carried too long.

   So if nothing else, that’s what makes writing this blog, “worth it”. As there’s no money that I’m making. It’s not for my ego that I’m writing it for. It’s to bring awareness and give my perspective on things that matter to me. I can’t of course, though in my case, be in serious activist mode all the time. I also can’t limit myself to one subject or cause I feel passionate about. 

   I will ask this again. If we cannot judge a book by a cover, why or should we judge a writer on how they write, if what they say has relevancy, it’s just not said sometimes with a lot (OKAY, ANY) of clarity?

    I’ve said this before on social media (I’m a creature, and a creature of habit, so that would be Facebook as Tumblr and Reddit , I just can’t get the hang of) I will not be deterred in saying what I have to say. What I have to say,as I already realize does NOT have relevancy to the whole entire internet world at large, and I realize that. It’s just sad though (and yes, I’ve gone back and re-read some of my blogs and gotten a migraine from my wordy and ranty book size blogs and ok, my eyes might have bled once or twice, too ;)) that some will not give either people a chance or discount them based upon superficial criteria when it comes to both intangible and tangible matters.

    So, I am so screwed with the people who I only have one shot to make a good first impression. Or am I? Can that be changed for some? I’m glad that I’ve never been that way and that most of my digital media people have not been that way, either. Hopefully this will help those of you though realize what you could be missing out on, by not being more open minded or at least being less critical when it comes to those of us who do have barriers in writing well or articulating ourselves, concisely or help others that you know who do carry these kind of prejudices with people who have my kind of disabilities.

   As I think I have proven that doesn’t mean there’s an absence of ability to think in intelligent thought that may be beneficial to one, if you give someone or me a chance, and others and myself are worth the effort and you might be pleasantly surprised the return on investment of your time, with those of us who are harder to read, but have merit in what we say…..

     As my friend Jessie Valentine says, “I write for passion not for profession”… I just want to know why I can’t do both with my disability sets????

Questions about this blog for discussion….

1. I am friends with a bazillion (yes, in my world, a bazillion is a veritable word and an a great word for quantification and if I am being delusional on this matter, and I’m digressing big time, I don’t want to know) point is, I have a lot of friends who are professional writers. They write well both in how they write and what they have to say. If you have in the past or currently prejudice about those of us who chronically abuse the English language both in written and speaking form, has this blog changed your mind about how you view some of us?

2. In talking about the catalyst that made me finally launch my blog, is there something that you feel a deep need to be doing but you aren’t doing yet? What is it? And why aren’t you doing it?
2.

 

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